Monday, May 23, 2016

Cry Little Sister

The Lost Boys
Director: Joel Schumacher
Cast: Corey Haim, Corey Feldman, Kiefer Sutherland, Jason Patric, Jamison Newlander, Jami Gertz, Dianne Weist, Edward Herrmann
Released: July 31, 1987

Spoilers ahoy! 

This movie is everything you could expect from a cult classic from the '80s: pure awesomeness. Now, it's not a particularly great movie, but that just appeals to its awesomeness. It's just so over the top and campy. And full of homoerotic scenes, but we'll get to those later! 

The movie starts with the recently divorced Lucy (Dianne Weist) moving her two sons, Michael (Jason Patric) and Sam (Corey Haim) from Arizona to a place in California called San Carla which is unofficially dubbed "The Murder Capital of the World". Yikes, I would not want to live there! They move there because her father lives there and they are going to live with him. He is a very odd, old man, his hobby being taxidermy and he even gives Sam, the younger son, a stuffed beaver to put on his bed stand (which Sam will hide in the closet). He tells his grandkids to stay out of the box in the fridge marked "Old Fart" because that's where he keeps his root beer and double-stuffed Oreos. 

Lucy gets a job at a video store and starts seeing the man who owns it, Max (Edward Herrmann). It's funny because he played Lauren Graham's father / Alexis Bledel's grandfather on Gilmore Girls and I'm watching that show on Netflix right now. I'm just about ready to start season 4. I didn't even notice his name in the credits, but when he came on screen, I was thinking how familiar he looked and then it clicked together. 

While Michael and Sam are at an outdoor concert together, an attractive girl catches Michael's attention and he ditches his brother to follow her. But let me back up and tell you about the concert they're watching. I don't even know who they're seeing, but the lead singer is this buff, shirtless, greased-up guy with long hair and tight pants and he swivels his hips as he plays the saxophone. If that's not the gayest thing I've ever seen, I don't know what it is!

OMG, LOL, I just did some "research" on YouTube to see if I could find that scene and I did, only somebody edited to make it look like Michael was looking at the gyrating hip guy when, in the movie he was looking at the hot girl. Look up "The Lost Boys Sax Man Scene" on YouTube. Haha, I am dying now! 

So Michael follows the girl who turns out to already be taken. Her name is Star (Jami Gertz) and she leads Michael to her boyfriend, David (Kiefer Sutherland) and his other friends who all have motorbikes. They're all part of a gang that David is the leader of, but there's something about them that Michael can't quite put his finger on. For one thing, they live very dangerously. They have a bike race where Michael narrowly misses going off a cliff, then they all hang from an overpass with a train track and try to hang on as long as they can while the train passes before falling into a deep and mysterious gorge. Michael wakes up the next day in his bed, not even remembering how he got back home.

The same night Michael ditches Sam, Sam goes to a comic book shop where he meets the Frog brothers, Edgar (Corey Feldman) and Alan (Jamison Newlander). They tell Sam they are vampire hunters and that the town they live in are crawling with the creatures. They give him a comic about vampires, telling him that it could save his life because it tells you everything to do to ward yourself against vampires. This turns out to be crucial for the young Sam because it turns out his very own brother has turned into a vampire! The reason he was able to fall into the gorge from the overpass was because he had turned immortal after drinking some blood David and the others gave him. If you haven't already guessed, they are all vampires! 

The next day, Michael's first full day as a vampire, his thirst for blood is too tempting for him and he starts heading upstairs to the bathroom where Sam is taking a bubble bath washing his hair while singing a song that includes lyrics like "I'm a lonely boy" and "I ain't got no man!" And he does this high pitched note....omg, so funny. For some reason, his dog is also in the bathroom with him (not in the tub, but on the floor). I never have my cat in the bathroom with me if I'm taking a shower. For one thing, what if he needs to eat or use his litter box? I don't want to have to get out of the shower to open the door, then get back would get my floor all wet. But the only reason the dog is in the bathroom with him is so he can lift his head as he hears Michael approaching and snarl. When the door opens, the dog attacks the older boy. Sam asks what he did to his dog, then realizes that Michael has become a vampire when he notices his reflection in the mirror has started to become hazy. He locks himself into his room and calls his mom, who's at a restaurant on a date with Max. When he sees Michael is outside his window and it looks like he wants to attack him (even though he just wants to talk), he screams, "He's going to get me!" His mother freaks out, hangs up the phone and runs to her car. We see Max at the restaurant looking out the window and seeing his date run to her car and peel out of the parking lot, haha! By the time she gets home, Michael has calmed Sam down and he realizes he's not going to hurt him. Their mother is very angry with them for ruining her date. 

Sam calls the Frog brothers for their help. They say that as long as they kill the head vampire, then everyone else should go back to their original, mortal form. They conclude that Max must be the head vampire since this all started around the time Lucy met him. When Lucy invites him over for dinner, Sam also invites Edgar and Alan and they have everything planned to out him as a head vampire. Sam gives him parmesan to put on his spaghetti and meatballs, but it's actually garlic and while he has a bad reaction to eating so much garlic, he doesn't burn up in flames or turn to ash or whatever vampires do when they are killed (and, as we will later learn in the movie, no two vampires ever go the same way). Also nothing happens when he is doused with holy water. When they turn out the lights, he doesn't glow as he would if he were a vampire, not to mention they can clearly see his reflection in the mirror. However, there's a very interesting scene when he arrives at the house and he says he won't enter until Michael, the man of the house, has invited him in. And we all know what that means! 

They figure that must mean David must be the lead vampire which seems pretty obvious to me. After they get ready for a surprise attack in the cave where he resides with his other vampire buddies (which includes a hilarious scene of the Frog brothers running into a church during a baptism to fill their canteens with holy water), Michael leads them there where they find the four vampires sleeping upside down like bats. Cuz they're vampires, get it? Though I don't think we actually see them turn into bats. Since Michael isn't there with him (he's busy trying to get Star and a little kid whose "missing" picture is on the back of a milk carton out of there), they don't know which one David is so they decide to kill all of them. Even if Michael had told them that David was the blond one, it wouldn't have worked because three out of four of them have blond hair. Alan (or maybe it was Edgar? I don't remember) stabs one of them and David and the other two wake up and chase them until they can go no further because they've reached daylight. (No sparkling vampires in this movie!) 

Since they've taken Star and the young boy they turned into a vampire, they know that David and the other two vampires are coming to get them. There's a suspenseful scene where the dog is tied up in the front yard and Sam suddenly remembers him and runs out to get him and the others are screaming at him to get back because David and the others are coming and he manages to get inside just in the nick of time. They manage to kill the two vampires that aren't David (with very bloody and disgusting results), but when Michael does manage to kill David, he doesn't feel any different and nothing has changed. It is because David was NOT the head vampire all along! I am as shocked as you! Actually, this was my second time seeing the movie (I know, I know, I've only seen this movie two times, how pathetic is that?) and I had totally forgotten that! It turns out MAX was the head vampire all along. When he and Lucy return to the house after a date and see the house is a mess (and that's a word to put it lightly), he tells the boys that since he was invited into the house, then the vampire tricks wouldn't work on him. Huh, I don't think that's how it's suppose to work, but then again, there are no set rules on vampires. Just look at Twilight. The vampire "rules" in those books are all over the map. Speaking of which, I need to see if I can find any good Lost Boy / Twilight fanfic where the Frog brothers kill Bella and Edward. That's gotta be out there! 

Of course they manage to kill Grandpa Gilmore and Michael, Star, and the little boy all return to their old, mortal selves. 

Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention that Sam wears a pink shirt that says "Born to Shop." He obviously got that shirt at Bloomingdales because I have a white shirt that says "Born to Shop" that I got at Bloomingdales when I visited New York. I think Sam might have been gay because not only does he wear that shirt, but he also has a poster of '80s heartthrob Rob Lowe on his closet door. I am not kidding! 

As we all know, Corey Feldman and Corey Haim were both '80s icons and starred in a few movies together. The '80s wouldn't be complete without the two Coreys! The only ones I've seen are this one and License to Drive. I did see the direct-to-video sequel of The Lost Boys, but I don't remember anything about it except it sucked (no pun intended!) The Lost Boys was the first movie they did together. Now if I had to pick a side, I would choose Team Feldman because he was also in other great iconic '80s movies such as Gremlins, The Goonies, and Stand By Me (wow, I really need to write a review for that soon, don't I? I talk about it a lot! Well, luckily I own the DVD...what a shock!) Looking through Haim's filmography, I discovered the only movies I've seen of his are the ones I've seen him in with Feldman. 

Can somebody please tell me how "Cry Little Sister (Thou Shalt Not Fall") didn't even win the Oscar for Best Song, let alone even get nominated!?!??!??! WHAT!?!?!??!  That is the most amazing song ever! I mean, "(I've Had) The Time of My Life" from Dirty Dancing DID win that year, so at least a good song won, but I still can't believe "Cry Little Sister" wasn't even nominated! I LOVE that song! "Crryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy liiiiiiiiiitttttttllllllllleeeeeeee ssssssiiiiiiiiiisssssstttttttterrrrrrr!" (That's my attempt at singing that song through text!) 

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