Who are we?

Wild Child

Director: Nick Moore

Cast: Emma Roberts, Natasha Richardson, Alex Pettyfer, Juno Temple, Aidan Quinn

Released: August 15, 2008

So this is a movie I had never heard of until recently when I came upon somebody's review of it on YouTube. (Don't even ask me the rabbit hole I went down to find this because I don't even remember!) The release date I posted is the UK release date; this didn't seem to get a theatrical release in the U.S.; I could only find a DVD premiere date of November 17, 2009 (so over a year since the UK theatrical date!) 

Personally, I don't think the "child" (she's a teenager, not a child) is not all that "wild", more just self-centered. But I guess "Wild Child" is a catchier name than "Self-Centered Teen." Plus, they can play that Iggy Pop song at the end (though it's a different version). You know, the one that goes, "Well, I'm just outta school like I'm real, real cool, gotta dance like a fool..." Emma Roberts plays Poppy, our titular character. Let's do a quick ranking of the young Emmas. It has to be Stone, Watson, Roberts, right? Or I guess you could switch Stone and Watson. Not that I don't like Emma Roberts or think she doesn't have her fans, but I feel like Emmas Stone and Watson have a little more clout and made it to the A-list without having a superstar famous aunt. 

Okay, so Poppy is a seventeen-year-old rich AF girl who lives in a Malibu mansion right on the ocean with an infinity pool and a closetful of Chanel and Gucci. I have no idea what her dad (Aidan Quinn) does, but whatever it is, he is making bank. Poppy has a younger sister, Molly, who seems like a normal kid and doesn't get off a snooty rich kid vibe at all. 

Poppy and Molly's mother died six years ago in a car accident and their dad is dating a new woman, Rosemary, who is moving in. We never meet her (not important enough to cast, I guess!), but it sounds like she is much younger than his deceased wife. Poppy is not fond of her and doesn't want her moving in so she invites all her friends over and when the moving truck with all her dad's girlfriend's things arrive, it's a free-for-all for all the friends and she just gives away boxes of clothes and electronics and whatever else there is. I love how all the movers (there are 4 of them) are standing there like this is normal. They have to know they're witnesses to a burglary, right?  Poppy says to her friends, in front of the movers, "You can keep it or throw it away." Like I mentioned, the girlfriend isn't even cast, so where is she supposed to be when all this is going on? Is she back at her original home? Why isn't she with her stuff? And where's the dad? He's not there either (well, not at first). If I were moving in somewhere, I would want to make sure I was with my stuff. 

Not only does Poppy give away the girlfriend's things, but she jumps into the ocean with a bunch of her clothes, ruining them. Their house is on a cliff and Poppy just jumps off the ledge their house resides on (and this won't be the only time Poppy jumps off this ledge!) This just seems kinda....dangerous to me. Maybe it's not as high as it seems, but it certainly looks that way!  Even her friends are all, "OMG, WTF did she just do? Where is she? Did she come up?" Poppy's dad arrives when she's jumped into the ocean and demands that she come back up. How the hell did she even get back to her house. It looks like she is coming up stairs, but it's hard to see where they lead from. Do they have stairs that go all the way down to the water? Why does she even need to swim in the ocean if she has a pool? I'm so confused. 

Her dad tells her that this is the last straw and she's going to boarding school in England. Poppy doesn't take him seriously because apparently he's used this threat many times before and never got sent away. She comments that just because her mom also went to boarding school in England, it's not going to "magically straighten her out." This is not an empty threat and Poppy will really be going to boarding school in England. Okay, why England? Yes, we know that her mom went to boarding school in England, but maybe her mom was British? (We never are confirmed what her nationality was). As Molly comments in another scene, it's so far away. Why not just send Poppy to some boarding school on the East Coast? It just seems like a hassle to send her to a whole other country when there are plenty of boarding schools in the U.S. that she can go to. I'm just saying. 

 

Even though Poppy is a spoiled stuck-up rich teen with spoiled, stuck-up rich friends, they do show a softer side to her and we see she does have a good relationship with her sister. Molly tells Poppy she's going to miss her and asks who will cut the crusts off her sandwiches. Now you're probably thinking sweet little Molly is five or six...no, this girl is at least twelve and she can't cut off her own damn crust? Seriously? Poppy shows her ugly-American side by telling her sister, "At least they speak American there, right?" OMG, I just can't. It astounds me the number of people who think "American" (or "Mexican") is a language. Sure, there's American English, but the language is still English. I guess Poppy's father paid her way in because there's no way she got in with her own merit.

Poppy and her BFF, Ruby (who might suck even more than Poppy...but we are supposed to like Poppy by the end of this (spoiler alert!) so that's not too surprising), are doing research on England and Abbey Mount, the boarding school she will be attending (NOT a real school, but it was filmed at an actual boarding school in Cobham, Kent.) Poppy is dismayed when she finds that it rains 200 day out of the year in England (that is A LOT!) and she learns that Abbey Mount is a boarding school for girls, ages 11-17. I love the indignation in her voice when she says, "Founded in 1797" (I think it's hilarious she's so disgusted with how old the institution is and how the building has so many bricks.)

This movie wastes no time getting her to England because six minutes into the movie, she's there. I did watch the trailer for this and they seemed to have cut some Malibu scenes. I think they just wanted to get to the boarding school storyline. Even though it's a rainy, overcast day, she's wearing high heels and sunglasses. She looks ridiculous, but I do like her white coat with blue flowers, though I suspect it's not a rain coat. 

Mrs. Kingsley, the headmistress (played by the late Natasha Richardson in her last film role), introduces herself to Poppy who tries to talk her way out of going to the school, but before she can say anything, Mrs. Kingsley quickly shuts her down, telling her, "To me negotiation is like a nightclub, not something I tend to enter into."

Poppy is introduced to two people who she doesn't make very good impressions on. The first is Kate, who is her "big sister" and is to show her around school. She's also one of her roommates. Poppy tells her she already has a sister and Kate tries to explain she's more like a friend and Poppy tells her she chooses her own friends and that Kate "doesn't make the cut" (even though Kate is one of the more popular girls at the school without being a mean girl). Poppy is also intruded to Harriet, the snooty, rich Head Girl who you would think would have a few things in common with Poppy, but Harriet is aristocratic snobby, not material snobby. Harriet takes an instant disliking to Poppy and the feeling is mutual. 

Poppy is sharing a room with Kate and three other girls: Josie, Kiki and Jennifer (played by Juno Temple), who goes by the not-so-flattering nickname, Drippy, for some reason I either didn't catch or they didn't explain. Poppy doesn't realize she's sharing a room with four other girls and when she enters and sees them unpacking, she tells them she's been assigned this room and that they need to leave. The other girls just laugh and continue to unpack. Poppy tries to use her phone, but she can't get a signal. The girls tell her there's only two spots where she can get reception, but don't reveal where. They also tell her it's a moot point because they are only allowed to use their cell phones on the weekend and they are confiscated the rest of the week. Poppy has an iPhone (and this is 2008, so she has one of the first models) and scoffs at the other girls for using flip phones.

Poppy is also a bit ahead of her time because we see her use sanitizer on everything she has to touch (especially if it's in a public place). When she moves into her dorm, she squirts it all over the table next to her bed. When they go into town and she has to ride the bus, she takes out the sanitizer and douses her hands in it. You know this girl was ready when the pandemic hit! 

Her suitcase is delivered after she arrives and is left outside on the lawn in the pouring rain and everything gets ruined. Hmm, I guess you could say that this is the universe paying her back for what she did to Rosemary's clothes. We also see she bought several bottles of water (in case she gets thirsty). One of the girls wryly comments that they "have an amazing thing in the UK called a tap." Yeah, that's a bit extra. 

The school has a matron/housekeeper (played by Shirley Henderson) who checks to make sure the girls are wearing their uniforms and following rules. She comes by to collect their phones and Poppy is rude to her and wants her to hand wash her clothes. She tries to speak Spanish and Italian to her and she tells Poppy she is "Scottish, not remedial." Poppy curses and ends up giving the whole dorm two Sundays detentions. Poppy tries to "handle" it by bribing Matron with $100, but ends up giving all the girls a third detention. 

At dinner, they are served an unappetizing meal of some mystery meat, potatoes, broccoli, and carrots. First of all, that's WAY too many vegetables. Also, you'd think a school like this would have better quality and more appetizing food. Poppy tells the other girls she can't eat it. The girls assume she is either bulimic or anorexia, but she tells them, "I'm a pescatarian Monday through Wednesday; fruitarian Thursday through Sunday; and vegetarian, always." If I were one one of the other girls, I would have said, "Well, it's a good thing you have THREE vegetables on your plate you can eat!" 

We are introduced to Freddie, Mrs. Kinglsey's son who, for some unknown reason, seems to live at the dorms with his mother every once and awhile. I know it sounds super weird, but it's not as weird as it sounds, though maybe it does. I honestly don't know why he hangs out at this school so much other than he likes the attention all the girls are giving him. Freddie is really only used as a plot device. Harriet has a massive crush on him and we'll see later that she has photos of him plastered all over her bedroom mirror which isn't creepy at all. Freddie is played by Alex Pettyfer and he's almost too blonde; too tall, too good-looking. And, of course, he is the perfect gentleman. He is one of those movie-perfect boyfriends that doesn't exist in real life. 

When Poppy runs into Harriet in a crowded corridor, Harriet, who already has disdain for Poppy, snidely tells her (and imagine this being said in a snooty British accent), "Learn the rules. When it comes to right-of-way, there is a hierarchy: Teachers, prefects, scholars, dogs, vermin, Americans." The disdain in her voice when she says "Americans" is palpable. I thought it was hilarious when she said that, even though I am American. I hope these girls don't think all Americans are like Poppy! Also, wouldn't a scholar be higher than a prefect? *shrug* I did think it was funny that even though Poppy is wearing heels, Harriet (in regular school shoe) still towers over her. 

Because there is only internet connection in the computer lab, Poppy has to sneak out of her room at night to go there to write Ruby. Yes, obviously, she could use the computer lab during the day (which we do see), but with this scene they are setting us up for another scene that will come later in the movie. Poppy writes Ruby, "Two weeks in this place and I'm going out of my mind. These girls are all ugly losers." Gee, what a bitch! She sees Drippy and follows her and watches her go into the walk-in freezer where she eats ice cream. A fire alarm goes off (for a fire drill) and this is how Poppy meets Freddie when she unknowingly sneaks into his room. He's taking a bath, hidden behind a curtain and asks her name. The next day, Poppy realizes it was him when he drives up in his fancy sports car during the girls' lacrosse practice. Harriet is also on the team and is upset that Freddie knows Poppy's name and laments, "Freddie's got a crush on me". (Does he?)

Poppy has been called to Mrs. Kingsley's office who asks her what she wants to get out of this school and Poppy replies, "To get out of this school." Mrs. Kingsley tells her this school hasn't produced anybody of note, but what they do produce are "smart, independent, free-thinking, good-hearted girls, who remain friends for life." I don't want to spoil anything, but you might get a sense of the direction Poppy will be going by the end of the film. Mrs. Kingsley has faith that Poppy is that kind of girl. The door to Mrs. Kingsley's office is painted to look like a bookcase, so it looks like she has a hidden book case in her office (even though the door knob kind of defeats that purpose!) 

Poppy finds out that her roommates still have their phones that they keep hidden and had just given the matron decoys. She and Kate have a heart-to-heart when Kate lends her phone for Poppy to use. Poppy asks her why she's doing this since she's been a total a**hole and Kate corrects her by saying, "No, you behave like an a**hole. There's a difference." She figures Poppy's been acting the way she's been acting because she's scared and a little homesick (hence why she offers to let Poppy use her phone). I think Kate and the other girls still want Poppy gone because Kate tells her if she's serious about getting out of this school, she will have to be expelled and she and the others plan on helping Poppy achieve this goal. If she is up for expulsion, she'll have to face the Honor Court which is like a trial in front of the other students, teachers, and Mrs. Kinglsey.

By the way, I think there's only two teachers at this whole school (not counting Mrs. Kingsley, but she's not a teacher). At least, we only see two teachers: the French teacher, Mr. Nellist, and the gym teachers, Miss Rees-Withers. (Is that a shoutout to Reese Witherspoon?) They have a bit of a budding romance throughout the film. It doesn't really add anything to the plot, it's just there as something comical. 

A montage of Poppy and her roommates setting up and playing pranks is shown and let's do a ranking of the pranks she pulls from least offensive to probably could have had serious consequences for that:

4. Jams tape into the matron's car. Kate and Poppy put a heavy metal tape in the matrons' car and Poppy breaks the knobs on the radio so she can't turn it off or turn it down. In a later scene, we will see the girls on a bus going to town with the matron driving by in her car, loud heavy metal music blaring (she's driving a convertible). Yes, that would be very annoying if you had loud music you couldn't turn off, but she just needs to go to a mechanic to get it fixed.

3. Turns pool into a sundae. So the girls put red food dye in the pool which has to be a pain to drain and clean, but other than that not too bad. There are huge plastic ice cream scoops and cherries and bananas they also throw in the pool, but none of the food items are real. If they were real, this would have been ranked higher. 

2. Embarrasses the French teacher. Poppy has changed the audio lesson plan so the girls are hearing about "a ginger haired teacher making out with the sports teacher" en francais and they can check out the photos on the Mount Abbey website. (Not sure if there were actual photos or not). Of course, this is super embarrassing, but nothing too scandalous or explicit. 

1. "Naughty Schoolgirl Harriet." Yeah, this is just inviting a bunch of dirty old men and pedophiles to call the school. Poppy and the others go to a phone booth in town and plaster posters of Harriet's head on a model (presumably, a porn star) wearing only underwear and a blouse with a school tie. They've printed "Naughty Schoolgirl Harriet" on it along with the school's phone number and the sign also says "satisfaction guaranteed" and "eager to please." In the word that Poppy keeps using throughout the film, "Ewww." We see Harriet receiving one of these calls (though she must have received more!) and she looks very confused as she's describing what she's wearings. She says her underwear is "polyester; sturdy and practical", which I'm sure her caller loved to hear! And when (offscreen) she's asked if she's been naughty, she haughtily replies, "No, I have certainly not been naughty. My disciplinary record is exemplary." Yes, it was a funny scene and Harriet has no idea what's going on, but if you think about it, it's really creepy and disturbing and these girls are inviting predators and criminals to call the school.

The girls have told Poppy that she needs to get the blame for all of these stunts so she can get expelled and while she makes it clear she is the culprit of each of these pranks, no matter what she does, she doesn't get in any serious trouble. Her roommates tell her Mrs. Kingsley is "cutting her a lot of slack." They think that at the dance that's coming up that weekend, she should kiss Freddie. Not only will it anger Mrs. Kingsley because he's her son and fraternizing is forbidden, but it will also make Harriet jealous and furious. She has to make sure she does it on school grounds so she can get caught. Poppy is excited about the dance and thinks they should all dress up "fancy", so the next day they go into town to do some shopping. There must be some field trip into town because Poppy and her roommates aren't the only ones riding a bus into town. They are all wearing their normal, everyday clothes and Poppy is wearing shorts and a sleeveless top, which the matron deems she looks like she could be in a window in Amsterdam (is she calling her a hooker?), so Harriet "offers" her an oversized yellow sweater with a stitching of a Yorkie on it with daisies embroidered at the bottom of it. 

 

They go to one of the second-hand shops where the money they use to buy their clothes goes to help with cancer research. Poppy isn't thrilled about this since she's used to shopping for and buying designer clothes and wanted to go shopping on Oxford street, even though they're nowhere near London. She thinks it will be a challenge to find five dance-worthy outfits, but likes the challenge and we see a fun shopping montage of all the girls playing dress up and all of them, even Poppy, are having a fun time. Poppy tells them, "If we could just call this stuff vintage and add three zeroes to the price tag, I could totally get into it." Really? This bitch would rather pay $10,000 for something that is $10?  Hey, Poppy, here's an idea, since you're so freakin' rich, why don't you donate the remaining $9,990 and then it will feel like you're shopping at some designer boutique and you can give your money to a good cause. But, let's be honest, she doesn't have that kind of money on her. 

Poppy takes out her phone and snaps a picture of all five of them wearing their new garbs. She exclaims, "Malibu moment!" and tells the girls, "Remember what I taught you" and they all say, "Who are we?" before she snap the photo. When I watched the trailer, they show a scene of Poppy and her Malibu friends saying, "Who are we?" before taking a photo so that explains where that came from. There must be another deleted scene where Poppy tells her Mount Abbey roommates about this. 

The girls next go to a hair salon where Poppy gives the stylist (played by Nick Frost) all these demands she wants done to her hair, but he refuses and suggests other ideas, but she's having none of it. Finally, they compromise and she agrees when he suggests making her natural. Her hair goes back to it natural dark brown color and her extensions are taken out. One of the girls comments, "You look so English" and Poppy says she looks like her mom. Her saying that after the "You look so English" comment makes me wonder if her mother was English. This is something we will never find out. I must say, I do think her new hair style/color looks better on her. This is part of her transformation where she's shedding her spoiled Malibu persona. 

The dance has the theme of "movie magic" even though Poppy's roommates have told her nobody ever dresses up for the dances' themes except for teachers, uncool kids, and Harriet. And sure enough we see Mrs. Kingsley dressed up as Velma from Scooby-Doo (I know it was made into a movie, but I think of Scooby-Doo more as an animated TV show), Mr. Nellist is dressed as James Bond, and Miss Rees-Withers is Sporty Spice from Spice World, I guess?? Harriet goes all out and dresses as Elizabeth Bennett from Pride and Prejudice because a friend told her she overheard Freddie say that she looks "exactly like Keira Knightley" (she doesn't). She even goes so far as to have her minions tell Mr. Nellist, who's DJing the party, to stop the pop music that's playing and change the music to something classical-sounding (I assume it's from the soundtrack to P&P) so Harriet can make her entrance in her elaborate costume. (Of course she couldn't dress in a soccer uniform and go as Keira Knightly from Bend it Like Beckham!) She walks up to Freddie and speaks a line from the movie to him, all prim and proper. It's very cringe-y. It's like, girl, just stop, you're embarrassing yourself. You can tell Freddie is not into it all and he just says "hi" to her. 

Harriet's perfect evening is ruined by Poppy when she shows up in her flirty party dress and new hair style and just grabs Freddie and starts dancing with him. Poppy does try to kiss Freddie, but they are interrupted by Harriet's minions who have sent them to keep an eye on Poppy. They decide not to tell Harriet what they saw because "she won't just shoot the messenger, she'll skin us alive first." 

Freddie tells Poppy he'll be coming back another day and asks if she wants to hang out then and she agrees. When the day comes, right before she's to meet Freddie, she's in the computer lab writing an e-mail to Ruby. Remember this. I should point out that we've seen Poppy's boyfriend back home (which I didn't even know she had, but I assume he was bigger part of al the deleted scenes) cheating on her with Ruby, so it's kind of funny Poppy is about to go on a date with another guy, even though her intentions are just to use him to get expelled. When he comes to pick her up, he wants to take her into town, but she wants to "take a romantic walk around the school grounds" so she can get caught with him. He refuses because he knows they'll both get in trouble and we see a cute montage of them on their date where they visit an old English town, sit and chat by the seaside cliffs, and go to a pub where he orders fries and bread. Is this an actual thing? It sounds terrible. She tells him, "Kinda gross, but I like it." She also tells him this is the best date she's ever been on and they kiss and you can tell she's forgotten what her intentions with him were in the first place and doesn't even care about that anymore. 

Poppy comes back to her room all, "I'm in love and I don't care who knows it!"- like, ready to share with her friends what happened with Freddie, but the four other girls are just glowering at her. It turns out, when she was in the computer lab, she forgot to log out of her e-mail (like, how do you forget to do that?) and Head Girl Harriet (it isn't revealed until later that it was Harriet, but c'mon, we all know it's her) intercepted Poppy's e-mail account and edited a few things on one of Poppy's e-mails to Ruby, then printed a few of them out and taped one on the door of their room while Poppy was on her date. It's pretty brutal when Kate begins reading the doctored e-mail: "Dear Ruby, you cannot image how retarded these idiots are. I despise village idiots, but I have to pretend to like them to get out of this hell hole." Yikes! This is (presumably and hopefully!) what Harriet wrote, but she did keep in the line about Poppy calling them "ugly losers" which isn't great and a great reminder that Poppy kinda sucks even if we're supposed to like her by now. Poppy admits she did write the loser part, "but that was weeks ago", but claims she didn't write any other part of it. One of the girls tells her the e-mail is dated today and it's from her e-mail address.  We also find out that Freddie also received this e-mail where "Poppy" writes about hooking up with the headmistress's son so she'll get expelled and calls him a "dweeb". When she tries to explain, he just slams the door in her face. 

So Poppy is all sad and friendless and the ironic part is even though she was trying to get expelled, she had started to like the place, making new, genuine friends and falling for Freddie. She's also discovered that her mother went to this school in the the late '70s. 

The scene where she sneaks out of her room and spies Drippy going into the walk-in freezer moments before there's a fire drill comes back into play in the next scene. Poppy is in the cook's sitting room (never heard of such a thing!), moping and feeling sorry for herself, also playing with a lighter, watching the flame go on and off. We know this is Poppy's lighter because it says "I [heart] L.A." on it; however, I'm not sure why she has one since we've never seen her smoke. You think they would have made this Chekov's lighter if it was going to play a significant part in a later scene. Oh, well, at least they set up some of the other elements. Drippy has sneaked into the freezer, but neither girl notices the other. Poppy is sitting near curtains and at one point the lighter DOES catch onto the fabric, and Poppy, freaked out, manages to put out the fire. When she hears footsteps, she drops the lighter (very convenient that she leaves the lighter on the floor) and gets out of there and goes back to her room. Moments later, a raging fire will appear where she just was and Poppy freaks out and wakes up Kate and tells her she "didn't mean to do it" and thought she had "put it out" and has her help wake everybody else so they can evacuate. On the school grounds, Mrs. Kingsley is taking roll call and Drippy isn't there. By this time, the firefighters have arrived. Poppy realizes that Drippy is in the freezer and she runs to save her, like she's an extra in Backdraft or something. Freddie is the one who finds her lighter and immediately knows it belongs to Poppy since it has "I [heart] L.A." imprinted on it. I love how he is allowed to just walk around the area where the fire started. 

There is an assembly where Mrs. Kingsley tells the person who's responsible for the fire to own up to it and that they have until the end of the day to confess and if they do, no legal charges will be filed; but if they don't, it will be passed on to the local authorities. The guilt lays so heavily on Poppy that she confesses to Mrs. Kingsley later that day and asks her to give a letter she wrote to Freddie. In it, she tells him she did plan to use him to get expelled, but once she got to know him, her feelings for him became genuine and she's never felt like that with anyone before. Mrs. Kinglsey tells her the Honor Court will decide if she's expelled, but "it's just a formality at this point." 

When the Honor Court is starting, Poppy's roommates are in their room, discussing things. They're starting to have second thoughts about Poppy's guilt (about the nasty e-mail, anyway).  The e-mails were sent at 11:40 in the morning. According to Drippy, Poppy left the computer room a few minutes after 11. Kiki was able to find out who else was using the computer lab during the time and -shocker- it was Harriet. Didn't see that one coming! Drippy points out that Poppy would never use the word "term"; she would use "samosa" - the other girls correct her that its pronounced "semester" (I guess that's not a work they use in the UK!) Drippy also admits that she  had snooped through Poppy's diary and reads an entry she found: "I think, deep breath, I kind of love them like proper friend I've known forever.....I'd probably hate them if I wasn't one of them. But I like that I'm now one of them." Aww. By this time, the girls know that Poppy never sent those e-mails and they go to the Honor Court to support her.

For some reason, without anyone asking her to, Harriet seems to be the prosecutor in Poppy's case. She keeps hounding how Poppy did this and she should be expelled. Even Mrs. Kingsley is telling her to chill out. In her statement, Poppy talks about how she won't defend her actions for what she did. She says how much she wanted to get out of this school, but now she wants to stay. She tells them, "I've learned so much being here" and talks about how she found out her mom was a student here back in 1976. She says she knows she looked like a California girl when she first started, but in her heart she knows she's an Abbey Mount girl. 

Mrs. Kingsley starts to ask her questions. Did she intend to start the fire? (No.) Was there anyone else with her? Poppy starts to say no, but then Kate, followed by her other roommates stand up and say they were with her. Soon, every girl is standing up and declaring they were with her until everybody is standing except for Harriet and her two minions. Harriet is outraged. She tells Mrs. Kingsley, "This is a conspiracy. You can't expel the whole year, and they know that." She adds that Poppy had her lighter with her and tried to burn the place down. One of her minions asks her how she knows she had the lighter because that information hadn't gotten out yet. Mrs. Kingsley also asks her how she knew about the lighter. Harriet looks scared and claims that it was mentioned. It's too bad for her she didn't know that Freddie knew about it because then she could just say he told her. 

Poppy tells her Freddie found the lighter before anyone saw it and how would she know about it unless she was there? She gets the sudden realization that Harriet started the fire. She was the one who Poppy heard when she heard footsteps. Harriet screams at Poppy, "You've turned this school upside down. You ruined everything. You started it! I only finished what YOU started." Yep, I think we just got ourselves a confession. Poppy will be able to stay and everyone is happy. Everyone hates Harriet (including her two minions) and she is sent packing. 

So during all of this, there is a B plot of Poppy being on the lacrosse team (whenever I think of lacrosse, I always think of it being played on horses, but maybe I'm thinking of polo). Poppy is a very good player and this is the first time since 1976 the lacrosse team has gone through to the championships. Her mom not only played on the lacrosse team, but was also the captain in 1976. 

Them last scene is of the girls playing in the lacrosse finals, Poppy's dad come to pick her up and he can't believe how much she looks like her mother. Poppy is happy to see him and asks him why he didn't tell her that her mom went to this school and he tells her he thought it would make her too sad, which seems like kind of a bs answer to me. I bet she would have liked that school a lot more to begin with if she knew her mom went there. I still want to know if her mom was English. 

Okay, so I did some digging and did find the beginning of the film with the deleted scenes I saw from the trailer. This is everything that happens before she goes to England. They did actually cast Rosemary, so I was wrong about that. It's possible they cut it for time, but it's probably about five or six extra minutes of footage. I think they cut it because what we see makes Poppy look like a monster and perhaps thought she couldn't be redeemable. For instance, they show her berating her housekeeper for ironing some shirt she paid $400 or some obscene amount that's suppose to look all creased. Then we see her and a group of friends (including Ruby, who seems to be the Queen Bee of their group) going to some spa day and shopping at Fred Segal and they'e just being awful to the people who work there and acting like spoiled brats. I really do believe they cut this because they wanted Poppy to have a chance at redemption and while she is still pretty awful from what we do see of her, the deleted scenes take it to a whole other level. Like I said, we do see Rosemary, Poppy's soon to be stepmother and other than being a golddigger, she does seem nice. They don't portray her as this awful woman who has plans to send Poppy and Molly to boarding school once she moves in (that's Poppy's father's job!) 

Oh, and while the credits are playing (over a version of Wild Child which is not as good as the original!) we do see Poppy has invited Freddie, Kate, Drippy, Josie, and Kiki to her Malibu house and we see that Poppy has erased that bitch, Ruby, from her life for good. The five girls jump off the ledge into the ocean and you could not pay me enough to do that because with my luck, I would probably land in the water where I either get paralyzed or die. 

Fox is a Wolf

Teen Wolf

Director: Rod Daniel

Cast: Michael J. Fox and you've never heard of anyone else

Released: August 23, 1985

Teen Wolf is a movie I've never seen, but I've always been aware of it. In fact, the only scene I've ever seen is when he's transformed into the werewolf and is playing basketball. 

So an interesting fact about this movie: it came out in 1985, the same year another Michael J. Fox came out. You might have heard of it? Back to the Future was kind of a big deal! MJF filmed Teen Wolf before BTTF, however the Teen Wolf people knew BTTF was going to be a big hit (because of Spielberg being an executive producer), so they had Teen Wolf come out AFTER BTTF. Very smart move, though it was pretty obnoxious how they depend on the success of BTTF for their own success (though much, much smaller). 

It is very clear that this movie was made with little money and absolutely no thought to the script. Also, MJF was the only actor I was familiar with (though if you've ever seen Desperate Housewives, one of the basketball team players went on to play one of the husbands). 

High schooler Scott Howard (played by then 23-year-old Michael J. Fox, but hey at least he could pull off looking like a teen unlike some of his castmates!) is your average guy. He's not super popular, but he's also not a total loser. He's just there. He's on his school's basketball team, The Beavers, which is pretty hilarious since MJF is known for being short. I know this isn't the NBA, so I guess a short kid can be on the basketball team. There's also a fat kid who's sort of friends with Scott (they'e friendly, but he isn't one of Scott's main friends) who goes by the nicknames "Chub" or "Chubby." I'm sure he just loves that! I have no idea what his real name is. The basketball team sucks. Remember that, because that's a big plot point. They're playing a team called the Dragons and Scott growls at a rival player named Mick, who looks like he's pushing 30. Remember him, because he will also come back. We are also starting to see Scott's werewolf "symptoms". 

One of Scott's friends is named Boof (TERRIBLE name. I just can't. They don't even explain how it's a nickname -which it MUST be because what kind of monster parents would give their daughter the terrible and ugly name of "Boof"?)  and at first I just assumed she was his girlfriend because she's a pretty girl with dark hair who we see sitting in the stands during the first basketball game, cheering Scott on. After the game, we see them walking home together and Scott asks Boof why Pamela Wells, this beautiful and popular blonde girl at their school, won't say more than two words to him. She gets all haughty and tells him he can do better. Guess I was wrong they were boyfriend and girlfriend! We learn that they've been neighbors and friends since childhood and Boof has a huge crush on Scott that everyone clearly knows about...except for Scott. Isn't it always that way?

We get another scene of Scott experiencing canine tendencies. He's helping his dad at his hardware store and we see this young boy pick up a whistle and blow it. Everyone just goes about their business and doesn't react to anything, but Scott hears this high-pitched sound that is excruciating to his ears and he immedietly covers them with his hands. He sees the boy is about to blow the whistle again, but he goes over to him and stops him and take the whistle from the kid who just looks at him and claims that it's broken. This movie must think their audience is a bunch of morons because they have Scott look at the whistle in his hand and say outloud, to nobody (well, to the audience, I guess), "Dog whistle." Well, duh, no sh*t. I hate it when movies have to spell out something so frickin' obvious. OF COURSE it's a dog whistle. Because he's a werewolf...or about to become one. Get it? Do you get it? Oh yeah, I forgot to mention another sign that Scott is beginning his transformation: when he's changing after basketball practice, he notices a super long (and thick) hair on his otherwise bare chest and it's super gross. 

Then we get another scene where Scott is dropping off supplies at school for the school play, which Pamela is in (and seems to be the only person involved in it! Must be a one-woman show type of thing) and he asks her if she's going to the party that's being held at some random person's house that night. While he's doing this, he notices that his hands are covered in thick dark hair and shoves them into the back pockets of his jeans. Pamela tells him she already has a ride to the party and we see Mick (remember, the guy who was on the other basketball team) come in to pick her up and they kiss and it's obviously they're dating, even though Scott will deny this. Um, dude, it's so obvious they're involved. After Pamela and Mick leave, Scott takes his hands out of his pockets and they're back to normal. By now, if I were him, I would be very concerned. While he is concerned, it's not to the extend that he should talk to his dad or a doctor about this. 

So Scott has this friend name Stiles who I hated so much. It feels like he was a prototype for Stifler, but almost worse. Stiles confused me. Was he supposed to be popular? We see that the only way he can get into this hoppin' party is if he brings a keg of beer and he seems extremely desperate to be at the party, but when he is at the party, he seems to be the life of the party and everyone is having a good time with him (of course, it could be because they're all drunk). It doesn't make sense that Scott and Stiles are friends because Scott seems like a nice, normal guy while Stiles is a douchebag. Even Boof, who seems to be the good girl next door seems to be friends with asshat Stiles. I was always confused if we were supposed to like Stiles or not. I feel like we were supposed to like him and think he was a fun and wacky guy, but no, I didn't care for him. 

Stiles (or could be Styles for all I know) gets his nickname (pretty sure it's a nickname...like I'm pretty sure Boof has to be a nickname, but again, who would want to be called BOOF?) because he has "style". Or some semblance to it, I guess. He wears these brightly colored, super tight (like ridiculously tight) pants and his shirts, if they don't have a loud and garish print on them, they have some obnoxious message on them. For instance, when we first meet him he's wearing a shirt that says "Life sucks, then you die" (and that's not even the worst shirt he wears to school!), then he wears a shirt that says "Obnoxious" which is a great word to describe him. 

Stiles doesn't have any luck buying beer (not sure why since the actor who played him was 27!), so he wants Scott to carry a plastic gun in his pocket and keep it concealed while he points at it the clerk while he tells him to give him a keg. He tells Scott to pay him so he can't say he was robbed. Uh, pretty sure you're still committing a felony even if you do pay for it! Dumbass! Scott tells him he'll do it, but tosses the toy gun back in the car, so clearly he thinks Stiles is a moron too. While asking the clerk for a keg, his eyes turn red and he seems to hypnotize the man into giving him a keg. Is that a thing with werewolves? I thought that was mostly a vampire thing. My knowledge of werewolves comes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, The Vampire Diaries, and while I don't want to admit it, Twilight. So, basically, if there's a vampire around, there's a werewolf. However, we never meet any vampires in their town. Not that I know of, anyway! 

Scott and Stiles drive to the party in Scott's father's van and we get this very stupid (and dangerous!) scene of Stiles getting on top of the van in a Hawaiian shirt and these stupid yellow sunglasses that have the slat lenses pretending to surf as "Surfing' USA" by the Beach Boys is blasting from the radio. I guess they need this scene to get Stiles out of the car while Scott is driving and notices his ears are pointed (but return to normal when Stiles gets back in the passenger seat). Scott is probably driving a good 40 mph and this scene had to be a huge liability in this movie. I wonder how many stupid teens from the '80s actually tried this? When they get to the party, Scott tells Stiles nobody will ever catch him up there. Just remember that. 

So they go into the party (where there's already a ton of kegs, so they didn't need to go to all that trouble to get one) and a lot of kids are wearing sunglasses. (Stiles is still wearing his). This is SO DUMB. Why would you a) wear sunglasses INSIDE and b) wear sunglasses when it's NIGHT? God, '80s teens were pretty stupid. No offense if you were a teen in the '80s, but you have to admit that's pretty stupid. To be fair, teens at any point in history are stupid. No offense if you're a teen, but once you're older, you'll understand and agree with me. 

Scott sees Pamela and tries to talk to her, but she quickly shoots him down. Boof sees this and gleefully tells him that Pamela spoke more than two words to him this time. 

So there's this sort of sexual game that's super awkward but everyone seems to love to play it (I guess because they're all drunk and horny?) The idea is that each girl picks out a piece of paper with a name of a boy on it and Stiles, who is the host of this game, gives them something to do. For instance, Chubby has to eat a bowl of jello that Stiles dumps down a girl's shirt. If I were that girl, I would be PISSED, but she is whoo hooing and having a grand old time. Guess she was pretty drunk! 

We see Boof has someone named Malcolm. We see Pamela, who is standing right next to her, has Scott. (Oh, if only Scott knew!) Her reaction is rolling her eyes. I thought she was going to trade with Boof (since they're standing right next to each other), but when it's Boof's turn, she lies and says she has Scott. Which, I say, good for her. Go for it. It's not like Stiles or anyone is checking the piece of paper with the name on it! I really thought that Scott was eventually going to find out it was Pamela who actually had his name and he was going to get mad at Boof, but that never happens. Their "task" is that they have to spend two minutes in a closet and "anything goes" which is a little icky. I'm also sure "Two Minutes in a Closet" isn't a thing. Since two minutes isn't really that long, Boof just goes for it and starts making out with Scott. We will later find out that getting turned on makes his lupine side emerge. His claws come out (literally) and she slaps him for being too aggressive. When Stiles opens the door without any warning, the two of them are just standing next to each other and nothing looks out of the ordinary, neither of them are even disheveled. However, when Boof exits the room, we see the back of her shirt is all torn up and her back is a little red (thought not shredded and bloody which you think it would be...guess they didn't want it to be too gruesome or too obvious for the partygoers who don't even seem to notice her shirt is all tore up). I thought this was a good reveal.

Scott knows something wrong is going on with him..even though he's experienced other changes (the ears, the hairy hands) before this and that didn't seem to alarm him, but now he is? Maybe it's because he "hurt" somebody this time. He runs home and upstairs to the bathroom. His dad seems concerned and asks him what's going on behind the closed door. He asks if he can come in (why would you ask that?) and Scott replies with, "I'm doing something in here." Dude, don't respond with THAT. What Scott is "doing" isn't what you think. You see, he can't open the door because he's transferred into a werewolf! Like, full transformation. To me, he almost looks more apelike than werewolf. I wonder if Tim Burton got his inspiration for his Planet of the Apes rendition (which I never saw) because that's what it reminded me of. The best compliment I'll give for the transformation scene is that it wasn't terrible....for 1985. We see him grow fangs, his fingernails grow long and sharp, his eyes protrude from his face, and he is covered in hair. (Fur?) 

His dad orders him to open the door "right this minute" (and uses his full name, so you know he means business!) Scott says "Okay, Dad" and while he is slowly going towards the door to open it, I really thought he was going to change back to his normal self the second before his dad saw him. But instead, he remains a werewolf, but what is even more shocking is that his dad is a werewolf too. He is covered in white fur and looks like the most non-threatening werewolf ever. Now, I actually didn't see the trailer until AFTER I saw the movie because if I had seen it before, I would have been spoiled by this reveal because it is in the trailer! I mean, I guess it really isn't that big of a deal because if he's a werewolf, then it would make sense it's genetic. His dad tells him he never told him about it because sometimes it skips a generation and was hoping it would pass Scott by. I did laugh when MJF says, "Well, Dad, it didn't pass me by. It landed on my face." Oh, and I should mention the trailer blatantly is riding the coattails of BTTF because at the end, the trailer guy says, "Starring Michael J. Fox....star of Back to the Future!" Yep, uh huh, they actually went there. 

But wait a minute! Remember that scene back in the hardware store where the kid is blowing the dog whistle? Why didn't the dad react? I guess you could say he knows how to handle it or they didn't want to reveal the "big surprise" (even though they already did in the trailer), but they could have had him quickly glance up when the whistle is blown, so when people went back to watch the movie, they would have noticed that bit. But, let's be honest, who's going back to watch this movie? 

Scott is too upset to talk at the moment, but the next morning, when he's back to normal, his dad tells him he's going to be able to do a lot of things that other guys can't and Scott snarks back with, "Like chase cars and bite the mailman?" His dad gives him the Spiderman speech: "When you want it, you're gonna have great power. And with great power goes a greater responsibility." Uh, what? I have no idea what "power" he has in this movie. I guess he does have a little more agility than when he's normal Scott, but other than that it's not like he's on Wolverine levels of power. We also find out that his mother, who is now deceased, was also a werewolf. His dad tells him werewolves are people, just like everyone else "with certain obvious exceptions." 

During school that day, Scott has a hard time concentrating and everything seems to remind him of wolves. I always thought werewolves always emerge when there's a full moon, but it seems he can pop into werewolf form at any notice and he needs to know how to control that. 

Stiles is wearing another one of his colorful shirts that would never fly in a high school today, when I went to high school, and I'm pretty sure not back in the '80s! It says, "What are you looking at, Dick Nose?" Nice. Stiles shows us even further what a nice guy he is after school when Scott tells him he needs to tell him something and Stiles replies with, "Are you going to tell me you're [gay]? If your'e going to tell me you're [gay], I don't think I can handle it." Except Stiles doesn't use the word "gay"; he says a very homophobic and terrible word.  F*ck you, Stiles. Seriously, we're not suppose to like this guy, right? Cuz I hated him before this scene, but now I really detest him. Even worse, Scott, who is supposed to be a much better person than Stiles, replies back with, "No, I'm not gay" (again, he doesn't use that word). Also, apparently Stiles thinks Scott being gay is way worse than him being a murderer. Not that Scott is a murderer as a werewolf, but you know, werewolves kinda have that reputation of killing people. Yeah, this movie aged really great! 

In the middle of a basketball game, Scott transforms into a werewolf and this is the only scene I had seen before watching the movie. Whenever I think of this movie (which is pretty much never), I always think of a werewolf playing basketball. As normal Scott, he's in the middle of a big pileup with the ball and you hear a growling noise. After the other players have cleared away, he has become a werewolf and everyone is staring at him. Some people are frightened, but most are just curious. Werewolf Scott just bounces the ball like nothing is wrong and runs and makes a basket (since the other team is doing nothing to stop him), then makes another one and the crowd is cheering. The Beavers are thrilled because now they're winning and have good player on their team.

Nobody seems to have a problem that a werewolf lives in their town or question it all. I mean, good for them, I guess? This town may be homophobic as hell, but at least they're accepting of werewolves, so one step at a time I guess.

We next get a montage of Werewolf Scott enjoying his newfound popularity. He gets free pizza after the game, he is seen walking down the school corridor the next day in his letter jacket and sunglasses listening to his headphones as he slaps high fives to passing student and breaks dance with one of the only black students at the school. Oh yeah, that was a bit cringe-y. He looks absolutely ridiculous. Stiles starts selling wolf merch. T-shirts, bumper stickers, hats, buttons that say "I [heart] Teen Wolf" and "Wolf Fever". My question is why? Who would buy that crap? I bet to this day he still has boxes of all that stuff in his parents' basement. 

Everyone seems to be enamored with Scott the wolf, including Pamela. ESPECIALLY Pamela. She tells him that Kirk, the director of the school play also wants Scott in it a well. The play seems to be some kind of Gone with the Wind ripoff. I had to laugh when Scott is rehearsing (and acting terrible) and Kirk is trying to get his attention by saying, "Wolf...Wolf....Wolf person, whatever your name is." 

Like I said, Pamela is very into Scott the wolf, so much so that she has sex with him (off screen) and she makes sure he's the wolf while they're doing it (hmmm, is she into beastiality?) After their little tryst in the dressing room, they go bowling (Scott is still the wolf) and wouldn't you know it, Mick is there and Pamela makes sure he sees that she is all over Scott and making out with him. When Scott walks her home and asks her to the spring dance, she tells him she's going with Mick because he is still her boyfriend. Um, what? Scott is just as baffled as I am and is all, What about happened this afternoon where we slept together, then went on a date? Well, he didn't say that exactly, but he certainly implied it. Somebody's gotta say it, but Pamela kinds sucks. 

Remember when I said (like two paragraphs ago?) that everyone absolutely loved Scott the werewolf? Well, there are a couple people who don't particularly care for him. One of them is this kid named Lewis, who is friends with Scott and Stiles. He is a couple years younger than him and we see him in a couple scenes with them. He's just sort of there, you know? He doesn't really add anything to the plot. Scott mentions to Stiles that he hasn't seen Lewis in awhile and we find out that he's been avoiding Scott because he's scared of him. And that's that. It's never brought up again. Like, seriously, what was the point? I guess they had to have SOMEONE in this town who was scared of a werewolf. 

Stiles must come from a wealthy family because he's just throwing away money left and right. First it was buying all that useless merch and now he has bought a van that he refurbished so it says "Wolfmobile" on the side and has a terrible drawing of a werewolf on it. I mean, really.  He is about to go van surfing with Scott driving, but Scott changes into werewolf form and tells him, "These waves are mine." I guess Scott the human would never do that, but Scott the werewolf is all about the van surfing. While Stiles is driving the van through town and blasting Surfing' USA, Scott is doing backflips, the splits, and even does a handstand which he holds for a few solid moments. They pass by the hardware store and Scott's dad sees him acting like a jackass and will later tell him he was making a fool of himself. He tells Scott he "needs to get a hold of it", it meaning his werewolf powers, I guess. 

The other person who isn't crazy about Scott the werewolf is Boof. While walking to school together, Boof asks him if he has any plans for the spring dance and that's when he asks her if she would like to go with him and she says she'll go with him, but only with him and not the wolf. He tells her, "I gotta be the wolf. That's what everyone expects." Boof tells him she won't attend the dance with him, but she will save a dance for him. 

When Scott enters the room at prom dressed in a white suit (and of course he arrives as the werewolf), a song called "Big Bad Wolf" starts playing and all the kids part to let Scott into the middle of the room and everyone starts dancing to the song. They do this dance move where they form their hands into claws and swipe at the air.  I have no idea if this song existed before the movie or if it was made specifically for the movie. I'm hoping for the latter because it's kind of a weird song. The lyrics read very sexual (maybe my mind is in the gutter, but I don't think so), but yet there's a line about not looking like a grandma. Like, I get it's a Little Red Riding Hood reference, but this is a weird (and slightly inappropriate for a prom!) song. In fact, all the music in this movie is weird and did not age well as I have never heard of it and I'm guessing not all of these songs were written specially for this movie. There's no way. The songs are much like the actors...I've never heard of them (save for Michael J. Fox, of course).

For some reason, this songs seems to rev up Boof and she takes Scott (who she was dancing with) out into the hall and starts to make out with him. Keep in mind that he's still in wolf form and I thought she didn't like the wolf? I thought she preferred Scott as his human self? I must say Boof looks very '80s in her white strapless prom dress and lace gloves. 

They come back to the dance and Scott is now in human form. Pamela is there with Mick, who looks more like a teacher chaperone than a student because the actor was 27. At one point, it is mentioned he is 20 because he was held back...because he went to jail or something? IDK. And I don't really care. Mick is still jealous because Pamela tells him she will dance with Scott if he asks her. He tells Scott to stay away from Pamela and to "stick with his own kind like that little tramp." He is referring to Boof, but it sounds like he's describing Pamela. This makes Scott angry and he turns into the wolf and slashes Mick's shirt revealing his tattoo and abs. Does he draw blood? No. However, the action of what he's done freaks him out and he vows he's not going to be the wolf anymore and decides to quit the basketball team since he sucks at it when he's not in wolf form. 

But during the last scene, a basketball game between the Beavers and the Dragons (that's Mick's team, remember), Scott comes in during the middle of the game and they let him play. He wants to prove they can win the game without him being the wolf. I'm sure there's some lesson we're supposed to learn here. 

I was very confused. Did they change their mascot to the Wolves? There's a sign that says "Becontown Wolves", but someone is still dressed in the beaver mascot costume. Make up your mind, you can't be both mascots! Also, why didn't they just start out as the wolves in the first place? Maybe they thought it would be too on the nose, but this movie is so stupid, you might as well just have the werewolf play basketball on a team called the Wolves. I mean, why not? 

Scott scores the winning point (of course he does) and an incredibly cheesy, schmaltzy song comes on. You have to read the lyrics to see how bad it is: 

"Funny how sometimes life just changes overnight. Magically, everything you do turns out so right. Just like that you pull rabbits out of your hat. You've got the charm that even wizards can't explain how to make rainbows from a single drop of rain." 

Now that Scott is popular and won the game, Pamela wants to be with him and is going to congratulate him (and make out with him presumably), but he brushes past her to kiss Boof because she's the one he wants to be with. 

The movie ends in the oddest way. It's a still shot of the crowd in the bleachers. Scott is among them with Boof and his dad, but they aren't even centered. In fact, it took a few seconds for my eyes to focus on them because I didn't see the right away! 

Another thing about this movie is that I believe it is set in Nebraska (in the small fictional town of Beacontown) and as someone who lives in Nebraska, this makes me feel deeply ashamed. They never actually say they're in Nebraska, but there are clues such as there's Husker memorabilia in the office of the basketball coach and there's also a Huskers banner or calendar or something in Scott's kitchen. Thank God we have Alexander Payne so nobody immediately jumps to this movie when they think of movies that take place in Nebraska (and at least the Payne movies that take place in Nebraska were filmed here!)

I know there was a sequel to this movie that starred Jason Bateman, who I guess, was a poor man's MJF at the time. I think he's supposed to be Scott's cousin. I guess if his sister in real life can play MJF's sister on Family Ties, then makes sense he can play his cousin! I guess MJF refused to be in the sequel because he hated the original movie. Plus he knew he had something better with Back to the Future, so can you really blame him? I can't. This movie is just terrible.

This is Them

A Walk to Remember

Director: Adam Shankman

Cast: Mandy Moore, Shane West, Peter Coyote, Daryl Hannah

Released: January 25, 2002

Disclaimer: I apologize for how this review looks; I know it looks like a hot mess. 

SPOILERS AHOY! MAJOR SPOILERS AHOY IF YOU'VE NEVER SEEN THIS MOVIE! YOU HAVE  BEEN WARNED! 

Oh, Nicholas Sparks. He has a way of creating a love story between two unlikely people that you're rooting for, then at the very end, putting the knife in you side and twisting it. I've never actually read any of his books and I've only seen two movies his books are based on: this one and The Notebook. I would say these two (especially The Notebook!) are the most popular. I heard the book version of A Walk to Remember takes place in the '50s. I'm very glad they updated it to "modern" times for the movie. Also, interestingly enough, The Notebook was published three years before A Walk to Remember was, but as a film, The Notebook came out two years after the release of A Walk to Remember. Did that make any sense? Wait, should book titles and movie titles both be italicized? Now I'm confusing myself! 

When I first saw this way back when, I had no idea what the "walk" they were referencing in the title meant, but after seeing the movie, I was like, oh, yeah, duh, I should have gotten that. This movie is as hokey as it gets and I know it's emotionally manipulating, but it got me, I won't lie. The main premise of the movie is that the "bad boy" falls in love with the "good girl", you know, that old cliche! They are both high school seniors and live in the small town of Beaufort, North Carolina. 

When we first meet Landon (Shane West), our bad boy in question, he is part of the cool and popular kids at school and he and his friends have skipped out on a school dance (where they have been drinking beer) to go to some abandoned factory near a lake. They are waiting on a kid named Clay because they have told him if he does some sort of initiation, he will be able to be part of their group. Now you would think Clay would be some kind of stereotype of the type of kid high school bullies like to make fun of: the fat kid or the geeky scrawny kid with glasses, but Clay appears to look fairly normal. He seems like he's perfectly capable of making his own friends and not hanging out with this group of cretins. Also, if you need to do something dangerous (or anything, really, but especially if it's something dangerous) to prove your worthiness to be friends with someone, maybe you shouldn't be friends with them in the first place. Just saying. They want Clay to climb some scaffolding, then jump into the lake below him. The whole time they are all giggling, which is another sign that Clay shouldn't have done this. They obviously want him to make a fool out of himself. It looks to be about a three story jump and looks to be very dangerous if they don't know how deep the lake is. He does ask them, but they tell him they don't know, but that it's perfectly safe. Landon even climbs up there with him and tells him he's going to jump with him, but of course he doesn't, he just pretends like he's going to jump. We do find out later that Landon did this jump before and while he didn't seriously injure himself, he did admit it hurt like hell. I guess that's what he was thinking that would happen to Clay. I honestly couldn't remember what the end results were, but I knew they weren't going to kill him off because they do want the audience to like Landon by the end of the movie and I knew if he had involuntarily killed another kid, that probably wouldn't be a good look on him! After he jumps, he doesn't resurface for the longest time, so they do make you think that something might have happened to him and even the other kids are quite concerned. He does resurface, but he appears to be hurt and/or unconscious. Landon manages to pull him out of the lake, but has to run because the police has caught up with them and ends up crashing his car and needs to walk around with crutches for awhile. Clay ends up in the hospital, but I'm not exactly sure what happened to him, like, was he paralyzed or did he break a bone? 

The following Sunday, his mother (played by Daryl Hannah) makes him attend church where Reverend

And now I'm ready to
be extrodianary.

Sullivan (played by Peter Coyote) talks about what happened the other night and how Clay's life was saved by the lord. He tells the parish, "Let us pray for the lives of the others involved who are clearly not on the path of righteousness" while giving the stinkeye to Landon. This pastor does not like Landon one bit. His daughter, Jamie (played by Mandy Moore), sings in the church and even has her own solo, because, of course she does. She's the pastor's daughter, after all! We get our first little hint that Landon finds her attractive when she starts singing in her angelic voice. Landon's ex-girlfriend, Belinda, who hangs in the same cool kid group and wants to get back together with him, notices Landon noticing Jamie. The movie does its best to make Mandy Moore look pretty frumpy, but you can still tell she's a pretty girl. She's supposed to be this religious bookworm who doesn't have any friends because everyone makes fun of her for wearing dumpy pea-colored cardigans and long skirts and matronly dresses. One thing they do to make her look less pretty is give her these awful bangs. I don't know what is going on with them, but even Mandy Moore can barely pull them off. I mean, they're so bad that she has her bangs pulled back in a barrette in the movie poster!  She's not totally socially incapable, though. When one of Landon's cool kid friends (and the biggest douche of the group), Dean, asks her, "If there's a higher power, why can't he get you a new sweater?", she retorts, "He's too busy looking for your brain." Ooh, burn! 

The next Monday, Landon reports to the principal's office where he informs Landon that students saw him drinking Saturday night, the night of the dance, on school property. That seems to be the main thing he's getting in trouble for as Clay isn't talking about what happened (interesting; why is he protecting those a*holes or is he just worried what will happen if he does squeal?) and the factory owner isn't pressing charges for trespassing. Not sure what kind of factory they were trespassing in. Landon doesn't get expelled, but he does get a hefty punishment: he will help the janitorial staff after school (he even makes a remark about wanting to get paid for it; shut up, dude!), he will tutor "disadvantaged students" at their sister school on Saturday mornings, and will participate in the drama club's spring play. Now, if I were a theater student, I would be a little offended that that would be considered as a punishment, but they will also have more to be offended about concerning all of this. 

Of course Jamie also tutors on Saturday mornings, but not because she's in trouble, because if you haven't

Walk me home;
I don't wanna go
all the way alone.

realized by now, she never gets in trouble. Not that I'm judging her because I was a goody goody in school too even though I got detention once because I was one minute (if that!) late to class after lunch. Don't you think that's a bit extreme? I sure do. No, Jamie does it out of the goodness of her heart, because she wants to. She really does not care what people think about her because on the bus ride home, she goes over to sit next to Landon, who is listening to his headphones, and asks him if he wants to buy raffle tickets to raise money to buy new computers. He ignores her and she tries to give him tips on tutoring, but he is still ignoring her. She then proceeds to ask him if he's visited Clay in the hospital and when she is still ignored by him, she says to herself, "That would be a no." She then tells him that Clay has been moved from the hospital to the rehab place. Again, I have no idea what happened to Clay after he jumped off that scaffolding. Landon tells her that her social skills need some work and you know what? I kinda agree with him. She really needs to know how to read a room, or in this case, bus. Also, what is the point of talking to someone if they don't want to talk to you? Since he is already talking to her, he continues by telling her that nobody forced him to jump and she tells him, "It's called peer pressure." He asks her if she knows about that from her "precious book" and we see a shot of her holding her bible in her lap. I guess this is in case we may have forgotten that Jamie takes God and religion very seriously. This is also where we learn that Jamie and Landon have known each other since kindergarten and this is probably the first time they've ever talked to each other. 

We see Landon at his next form of "punishment" when his friend Eric drops him off for play practice and he reminds him when it will be over so he can pick him up later. We get this bizarre comment from Eric where he says that they should do West Side Story so they can get that "nice, big booty-lookin' girl from Selena". Two things: first of all, why would Jennifer Lopez be in some random small town North Carolina high school musical? Huh? That doesn't even make sense. Also, wouldn't Jennifer Lopez already be a household name by now? Why is he referring to her as the "girl from Selena?" To be honest, I'm not really sure when this movie is supposed to take place. I assumed it was 2001 since the movie came out in early 20002, but I'm pretty sure people would've known her by then. We at least know it's after Selena came out, which was early 1997. Maybe I don't remember and J-Lo WASN'T super famous by then. (She definitely wasn't referred to as J-Lo yet, I'm pretty sure of that). After I looked up Adam Shankman's (the director) filmography, it makes sense that this is in here because he directed The Wedding Planner with Jennifer Lopez, which came out a year before this movie. So I guess that was a shoutout to her. 

The school spring musical being put on isn't already an established play. Rather, it's an original piece of work written by a student called "Thornton's Way" and Jamie wrote the lyrics and music for all the songs which is quite ambitious of her. It "follows the rise and fall of Tommy "The Gun" Thornton in prohibition era New York" and is described as "a story of burning passions and blazing Tommy guns." I guess its supposed to be some early twentieth century gangster play. Everyone sits around in a circle and does a read through of the play, including Landon and he is absolutely terrible. The drama teacher even asks him, "Are you trying to be bad at this?" and he replies, "No, it just comes naturally." So how the hell he got cast as the lead, I'm not quite sure. I guess this was part of his punishment? Again, if I were one of the drama kids and wanted this role, I would have been majorly pissed! I guess we got that scene of him reminding Eric what time to pick him up to show us that Eric did NOT show back up to pick him up, so Landon asks Jamie if she can give him a ride home, which she does. 

As they drive, she turns on the radio, and I swear to God, she's listening to herself. The singer sounds exactly like Mandy Moore...but it wasn't a song I recognized. The only songs I knew from this movie were "Cry", "Only Hope", and "Dare You to Move". I did look up the soundtrack list and Mandy Moore is listed as having a few other songs that I'm not familiar with, so maybe one of them was during this scene? But why is she listening to herself? Is that supposed to BE Mandy Moore? I don't think it's supposed to be Jamie - I'm pretty sure she would be much more popular than she is if people knew she was a recording artist! I don't know, it was really weird. Maybe it's not even Mandy Moore, but it just sounds like her. This is when we learn about Jamie's "To Do" list, which, is really her Bucket List. Things included on this list include spend a year in the peace corps, make a medical discovery, befriend someone she doesn't like (I think she sees the perfect opportunity for that in Landon), be in two places at once, and get a tattoo. I'm not sure how many items she has, but each one is listed and the lower the number, the more important the item. When Landon asks her what her number one is, she replies, "I'd tell you then I'd have to kill you" and I'm thinking, Wow, she must want to do something really illegal or something. But no, it's just personal. We'll find out about it later. Hint: it has something to do with the title of the movie. When they drive pass a bunch of his friends at a hangout, Landon slouches down in the street so they can't see him. What a tool. 

There's three weeks until the musical and Landon is worried about memorizing his lines. He tries reading his lines with Eric, who tells him, "De Niro couldn't even make this work." Huh? I'm pretty sure this, a musical about mobsters, is up De Niro's alley. Okay, maybe not the musical part, but I would think the mobster part he would be quite familiar with. Of course maybe he's just saying how terrible the dialogue is. When Landon realizes that Eric or any of his other friends aren't going to be any help in the line reading department, he asks Jamies to help him with his lines. I should point out that Jamie is playing Alicia, the "mysterious club singer." So, yes, Landon and Jamie got the two leads in the musical. Contrived, much? Nah, I didn't think so either. Jamies tells him she will, on one condition. With a straight face, I swear to God, there's not even a crack of the smile to indicate she's joking, she tells him, "You have to promise you won't fall in love with me." Okay. Wow. This girl sure has a lot of unwarranted confidence. Look, I get why this line is in the movie...it will come back later. However, this is a TERRIBLE place to have her say it. Maybe have her say it when he DOES start having feelings for her and wants to date her. This just makes her look really...socially inept. Does she really think this boy is going to fall in love with her (at this moment?) Landon just kind of smirks at her and says, laughing, "That's not a problem." Which, honestly, would have been my reaction too. If somebody ever said that to me, I think my eyes would get stuck at the top of my head from rolling them so hard. Also, I would never say something so cheesy to anyone unless it was an obvious joke (and I would only say something like that if it were an obvious joke!)

That night, Landon is driving along and stops when he sees Jamie sneaking into a graveyard with a

I saw the crescent;
you saw the whole
of the moon.

telescope. For some reason, he feels the need to follow her and asks her what she's doing. She show him and tells him she wants to build a bigger telescope to view the comet, Hyakutake (yes, I looked it up, and yes, it is a real comet). Supposedly it's to make a reappearance that spring. They have a little bit of a heart to heart and Landon tells her, "There's too much shit in this world", to which she responds, "Without suffering there'd be no compassion." Jamie has agreed to help Landon with his lines after he asks her and they run lines together.

They seem to have bonded, at least Jamie thinks so, so the next day at school when she sees Landon talking with his friends, she says hello to him and says, "I'll see you after school?" since they've made plans to go through their lines together. He totally snubs her and replies, "In your dreams" and his friends laugh like it's the funniest thing ever. This totally reminds me of that episode of The Wonder Years when Kevin has to be partners with this weird girl named Margaret Farquhar who he doesn't like, but once he gets to know her, he thinks she's pretty interesting, but he still can't get himself to hang out with her in public, so he tells her they can be "secret friends". Needless to say, that doesn't go over too well! Just like in this movie when Landon shows up at Jamie's after school and she shuts the door in his face. When she opens the door again, Landon tells her he wants to run lines together and she says, "Okay, but just not so anybody knows, right?" Landon figures they could surprise everyone with how good he gets. Jamie sarcastically says, "Like we could be secret friends?" and Landon, totally unable to read her, says, "Exactly! It's like you're reading my mind." She tells him, "Maybe you can read mine" and glares at him, then tells him she thought she saw something good in him, but was "very wrong". So yeah, you can probably see why that reminded me of that episode of The Wonder Years. 

We next get a montage of the next couple weeks of Landon learning his lines (by himself) and rehearsing (by himself). But just so it's not scenes of that, also thrown into the montage is him looking through the yearbook and seeing that Jamie's ambition is "to witness a miracle" and a slow motion scene of them in the hallway eyeing each other as they pass each other and it is everything. 

The first night of the play, everyone important to the movie has come to see it, including Landon's dad who he doesn't talk to. Eric is sleeping in the audience, which I don't blame him because the play looks pretty boring...until we get to the big musical number where Jamie sings "Only Hope". If I were in the audience, I would wonder why she wasn't a recording artist or writing songs for musicians because I would be thoroughly impressed that a seventeen-year-old wrote that song! Actually, Switchfoot wrote that song. I had no idea. And apparently it came out in 1999, but I had never heard it until I saw this movie. They do play the Switchfoot song later in the movie, but I like the Mandy Moore version better. She slays the song.

Before Jamie's character, Alicia, sings her big number, she's wearing a hooded cloak and she takes it off to reveal a blue dress that's showing a little more skin than what we're used to seeing Jamie wearing and her hair is done up in curls and she's gotten rid of those godforsaken bangs. Apparently they never had a dress rehearsal and this is the first time they've run the play on a stage with costumes because Landon is gobsmacked that - GASP!- Jamie is really, really pretty! Look, I understand they want this to be his first reaction to seeing her all dolled up, but in what world do you put on a play for the first time for an audience without doing a dress rehearsal? And then she sings and everybody is dead because she KILLS it. (Oops, probably shouldn't be making "dead" and "kill" jokes with this movie!) Landon tells her, "All I know is you're beautiful" and leans over and kisses her, which was not written in the script. We see reactions shots of Jamie's dad and Landon's ex, Belinda, and neither of them are very happy. 

Now that Landon finds Jamie attractive, he wants to be with her and the nexts day at lunch he sits with her, not caring who sees them together and tells her that she "inspires" him. Now THIS would be the time for Jamie to tell him not to fall in love with her. Instead she tells him, "You don't know the first thing about being someones's friend" and he tells her, "I don't want to just be your friend" and when Jamie tells him, "You don't know what you want", he replies, "Neither do you, you're too scared somebody might actually want to be with you", which, I'm confused why he thinks this because he doesn't know her big secret yet. Yes, if he knew, I could understand that. He tells her it scares her because she wouldn't be able to hide behind her books or telescope of her faith and the real reason why she is scared is because she wants to be with him, too. A little presumptuous of us, hmm? 

We know Landon is serious about Jamie because we get a scene of Eric telling Landon that it seems he doesn't have time for his "real" friends anymore and Landon tells him he's "sick and tired of doing the same shit all the time", to which Eric replies, "This girl has changed you and you don't even know it." Oh, I think he realizes it. He pretty much admits he's outgrown his old friends. 

I got a crush on you; I
hope you feel the
way that I do. I get a 
rush when I'm with you.

Jamie warms up to Landon after he gives her a pink cardigan (so I guess it was the color and not they type of sweater they were making fun of) and sticks up for her after a prank Belinda and her mean girl friends play on her. Belinda invites Jamie to have lunch with her after she tells her she'd "be so beautiful if she knew how to do her make up". Jamie doesn't seem too insulted by this, even though I think she she should be, and agrees, thinking Belinda is going to give her beauty tips or something. Belinda also tells Jamie that there's no hard feelings because she and Landon are over and Jamie tells her, "I really don't know what you're talking about" which I'm sure pisses Belinda off. Anyway, Belinda makes this whole show of inviting Jamie to eat lunch with her just so they can both walk in the cafeteria together and Belinda can show Jamie the worst photo-shopped photo in the history of the world. A picture of Jamie's face - just her face, not her head - has been pasted on the body of a busty model wearing underwear. This thing is so obviously fake that I don't know why Jamie is so upset. I understand why she's humiliated, but this thing looks like a five-year-old made it and all the kids are laughing like it's the most hilarious thing they've ever seen. What a bunch of immature dweebs. Instead of spewing a witty comeback about how shoddy their photo-shop skills are, Jamie instead turns and prepares to flee the scene, crying, but runs into Landon who tells her, "This is about me, not you." He gets into a physical altercation with Dean after Dean makes some crude comments about Jamie and Dean tells him that they're through. Even though school is still in session, Landon and Jamie leave and Landon asks her out, but she tells him she's not allowed to date. So Landon gets permission from her dad which is kinda cute and they are able to go out to some restaurant on the water and Jamie is wearing the pink cardigan Landon gave her. They are both the youngest people there by at least forty years. Landon asks her what her number one on her list is, but she still won't tell him and he tells her his number one "to do" is getting out of Beaufort. The subject of her list is brought up because he has a surprise for her. He takes her to the state line and tells her to put one foot here and the other foot there and tells her she's in two places at once: North Carolina and Virginia. In another scene, we see him giving her a temporary tattoo of a butterfly since getting a tattoo was on her list. First of all, does a fake tattoo even count? Second of all, she doesn't seem the type to want to get a tattoo. Nonetheless, it is the most sensual scene in the movie cuz he's blowing on her shoulder to dry the tattoo. And once again, it sounds like they're listening to Mandy Moore on the car radio. 

I wanna be with you. 
If only for a night, to be the
one who's in your arms 
to hold you tight.

We get a cute scene of him telling her, "I might kiss you" and her replying "I might be bad at it" and he tells her that it's "not possible" and he drops the big bombshell that he loves her and she starts to freak out because she has a MAJOR secret that she hasn't shared with him yet and she's all, "I TOLD you not to fall in love with me!" Even though she doesn't tell Landon that she loves him (at that point, anyway), she does tell her father and he tells her to "be fair to him before things get worse." Hmm, whatever could he be talking about?

Jamie does tell Landon that she loves him the night they go star gazing and he tells her he had a star named after her (another item on her list). Since she has professed her love to him, he once again asks what her number one is and she tells him it's to get married in the same church where her parents were married. It's also the same church where her mother grew up and I assume it's the same church now where her dad is a minister? 

Being with Jamie has motivated Landon to write his own lists of things he wants to accomplish. He left it in the pocket of his pants and his mom found it when she was doing laundry. (Seriously, this senior in high school can't even do his own laundry?? Maybe his first item should be "Do my own damn laundry".) As Jamie, Landon has aimed high for his ambitions too: "examine a moon rock, go to college, get into medical school." Uh, when has Landon ever expressed interest in the medical field? That was a little baffling. He's embarrassed that his mom has found his list, but tells her that he can do it and that Jamie has faith in him and that "she makes me want to be different, better." It's actually very sweet. 

One evening they're walking around the small town of Beaufort (I say small because it seems like they're always running into Landon's old friends like they do that night). Jamie seems particularly upset about something one night and runs into an alley. Landon asks her if she's worried about college applications and she tells him she's not applying to college. He thinks she must be taking a year off since she did say the peace corps was on her to do list, but she tells him he just assumed she was going to college. She tells him she's sick and he thinks she's talking about she doesn't feel good at that moment and offers to take her home. I can't fault him; I probably would have had the same thought. But no, it's much worse than that. She tells him she has had leukemia and two years ago she "stopped responding to treatment." She doesn't give how much time she has, but considering she feels it's not even worth applying to school, it's probably not very long, probably less than a year (and she will die in less than a year). Of course Landon is shell shocked by this and I feel bad for the guy. Here he's found this girl who brings out the best in him and he's totally in love with her and has just found out she doesn't have long to live and she's only eighteen years old. I mean, damn movie, are you trying to make me cry? He asks her why he didn't tell her and she replies, "The doctor said I should go on and live life normally as best I could." She didn't want anybody to be weird around her, especially him. She tells him she was getting along fine with everything and had accepted it, "and then you happened. I do not need a reason to be angry with God." I probably feel even worse for Jamie. Not only is her life cut considerably short and she's pretty much waiting to die, but she's found someone who loves her for who she is and she loves him back and she won't be able to live her life with him. Damn, movie, like are you seriously trying to make me cry?? Because you're doing a really good job! 

In the middle of the night, Landon drives to his dad's house and knocks on the door until he answers. He asks him if he can help Jamie and his dad calmly tells him he's a cardiologist (this is the first time I'm learning that his dad is a doctor!) and doesn't know Jamie's case or history and would have to talk to her physicians. What he says totally makes sense and he didn't say he WOULDN'T help him, but Landon, who has a tempestuous relations with his dad, snaps, "Just forget it! I knew it!" and abruptly leaves. Dude, I know you're upset about your girlfriend, but maybe give you dad a chance to explain himself. 

So I'm not exactly sure when Jamie was diagnosed with leukemia, we just know that treatment stopped working two years ago. I find it hard to believe that she lives in this small town where she's pretty much known all the kids she goes to school with since kindergarten and nobody knows about this. It seems something as big as that would be hard to keep in a small town. But after she tells Landon, word gets out she has cancer and Landon's old friends suddenly start being nice to him again since now they know that Jamie is dying. He does make amends with all of them after they offer their condolences and apologizes. Dean offers to help him with the surprise telescope he's been building for Jamie to see the Hyakutake comet. Belinda gives Landon pictures of the play (I guess she's a photographer for the school newspaper?) and apologizes about the first-grade level photoshopped pics. 

The next time Landon talks to Jamie after she told him she was dying she asks him if she's scared and she replies, "To death", which he doesn't think is very funny. (I mean, it is a little bit). She tells him she's scared of not being with him and he tells her, "That will never happen".

I'm craving for you; 
I'm missing you like candy.

Jamie has a health scare and lands in the hospital. I must say for someone who is sick and is going to die in a few months, she looks absolutely glowing and healthy. I mean, they could have at least tried to make her look like she was on her deathbed! When Landon visits her (and he pretty much never leaves her side), Jamie gives him a journal that belonged to her mother that has quotes from her favorites books and famous people, and, being that it is a journal, her own thoughts. She tells him that maybe God has bigger plans for her than she had for herself and that he (Landon, not God) was sent to her to help her through all of this and she calls him her angel, awww. The thing that really got me was a few days later when she told Landon she was going home because his dad was paying for private home care and Landon goes to see his dad and hugs him and oh no, I think there's something in my eye right now...

Landon finishes his surprise telescope for her and they are both able to look at the comet and I'm sorry, but it is absolutely adorable how he's holding her hand throughout the whole thing and damn movie, why you gotta kill off 1/2 of this adorable couple? It just isn't fair! 

Okay, so you remember how Jamie told Landon her number one on her bucket list was to get married in the same church as her parents? Well, this is where the title comes in. The Walk to Remember...is a walk down the aisle! Bet you didn't see that coming!  (I didn't when I first saw this because I'm a moron). While looking through the telescope, Landon asks her to marry him and she says yes. Now I understand that he's doing this because he loves her and because this is the thing she wants more than anything, but this has to be a bit psychologically damaging to Landon. Not just because he's getting married at the ridiculously young age of eighteen (yeah, that is insanely young to get married), but because his wife will DIE in a few short months. You could say the Walk to Remember wasn't actually all that rememberable because the scene is very rushed. In fact after this scene, is when we get the wedding scene where the Switchfoot version of "Only Hope" is played. Jamie's dad is the officiant of the wedding. I don't know how I'd feel about my dad being the officiant of my wedding, but I guess if I were dying, it would be a nice touch. As he reads the "Love is patient and kind" vows, Jamie and Landon mouth "I love to you" to each other, and oops, got something else stuck in my eye! 

In a voiceover, Landon tells us they "had a perfect summer with more love than lots of people know in a

It was there that I 
realize that forever was
in your eyes, the
moment I saw you cry 

lifetime", then she died. The movie closes with an epilogue where it's four years later and Landon, who made it to med school (would love to know how...guess he was smarter (book smarter) than he let on) is visiting Jamie's dad to return the book that Jamie gave him. He tells him, "I'm sorry she never got her miracle", because, as you may remember, that was her yearbook's ambition. Jamie's dad tells him, "She did. It was you." Okay, I'm not going to lie: after the scene of him reading that in the yearbook is when we see him learning his lines and I thought he wanted the miracle she witnesses was to be him learning his lines by himself. I guess this is a little better. 

As he leaves, Landon tells us in voiceover about Jamie: "Her love is like the wind; I can't see it, but I can feel it" - a callback to when Jamie compared her faith being like the wind for that reason. Cue "Cry" playing over the credits. I remember when that song came out and I freakin' love that song. 

Yes, this is truly a manipulative, schlocky movie that would normally make the dark-hearted cynic in me roll my eyes, but the two leads make this movie work and it's one of the better Nicholas Sparks adaptations (although, to be fair I haven't see that many...probably because most of them don't look that good!)