Fox is a Wolf

Teen Wolf

Director: Rod Daniel

Cast: Michael J. Fox and you've never heard of anyone else

Released: August 23, 1985

Teen Wolf is a movie I've never seen, but I've always been aware of it. In fact, the only scene I've ever seen is when he's transformed into the werewolf and is playing basketball. 

So an interesting fact about this movie: it came out in 1985, the same year another Michael J. Fox came out. You might have heard of it? Back to the Future was kind of a big deal! MJF filmed Teen Wolf before BTTF, however the Teen Wolf people knew BTTF was going to be a big hit (because of Spielberg being an executive producer), so they had Teen Wolf come out AFTER BTTF. Very smart move, though it was pretty obnoxious how they depend on the success of BTTF for their own success (though much, much smaller). 

It is very clear that this movie was made with little money and absolutely no thought to the script. Also, MJF was the only actor I was familiar with (though if you've ever seen Desperate Housewives, one of the basketball team players went on to play one of the husbands). 

High schooler Scott Howard (played by then 23-year-old Michael J. Fox, but hey at least he could pull off looking like a teen unlike some of his castmates!) is your average guy. He's not super popular, but he's also not a total loser. He's just there. He's on his school's basketball team, The Beavers, which is pretty hilarious since MJF is known for being short. I know this isn't the NBA, so I guess a short kid can be on the basketball team. There's also a fat kid who's sort of friends with Scott (they'e friendly, but he isn't one of Scott's main friends) who goes by the nicknames "Chub" or "Chubby." I'm sure he just loves that! I have no idea what his real name is. The basketball team sucks. Remember that, because that's a big plot point. They're playing a team called the Dragons and Scott growls at a rival player named Mick, who looks like he's pushing 30. Remember him, because he will also come back. We are also starting to see Scott's werewolf "symptoms". 

One of Scott's friends is named Boof (TERRIBLE name. I just can't. They don't even explain how it's a nickname -which it MUST be because what kind of monster parents would give their daughter the terrible and ugly name of "Boof"?)  and at first I just assumed she was his girlfriend because she's a pretty girl with dark hair who we see sitting in the stands during the first basketball game, cheering Scott on. After the game, we see them walking home together and Scott asks Boof why Pamela Wells, this beautiful and popular blonde girl at their school, won't say more than two words to him. She gets all haughty and tells him he can do better. Guess I was wrong they were boyfriend and girlfriend! We learn that they've been neighbors and friends since childhood and Boof has a huge crush on Scott that everyone clearly knows about...except for Scott. Isn't it always that way?

We get another scene of Scott experiencing canine tendencies. He's helping his dad at his hardware store and we see this young boy pick up a whistle and blow it. Everyone just goes about their business and doesn't react to anything, but Scott hears this high-pitched sound that is excruciating to his ears and he immedietly covers them with his hands. He sees the boy is about to blow the whistle again, but he goes over to him and stops him and take the whistle from the kid who just looks at him and claims that it's broken. This movie must think their audience is a bunch of morons because they have Scott look at the whistle in his hand and say outloud, to nobody (well, to the audience, I guess), "Dog whistle." Well, duh, no sh*t. I hate it when movies have to spell out something so frickin' obvious. OF COURSE it's a dog whistle. Because he's a werewolf...or about to become one. Get it? Do you get it? Oh yeah, I forgot to mention another sign that Scott is beginning his transformation: when he's changing after basketball practice, he notices a super long (and thick) hair on his otherwise bare chest and it's super gross. 

Then we get another scene where Scott is dropping off supplies at school for the school play, which Pamela is in (and seems to be the only person involved in it! Must be a one-woman show type of thing) and he asks her if she's going to the party that's being held at some random person's house that night. While he's doing this, he notices that his hands are covered in thick dark hair and shoves them into the back pockets of his jeans. Pamela tells him she already has a ride to the party and we see Mick (remember, the guy who was on the other basketball team) come in to pick her up and they kiss and it's obviously they're dating, even though Scott will deny this. Um, dude, it's so obvious they're involved. After Pamela and Mick leave, Scott takes his hands out of his pockets and they're back to normal. By now, if I were him, I would be very concerned. While he is concerned, it's not to the extend that he should talk to his dad or a doctor about this. 

So Scott has this friend name Stiles who I hated so much. It feels like he was a prototype for Stifler, but almost worse. Stiles confused me. Was he supposed to be popular? We see that the only way he can get into this hoppin' party is if he brings a keg of beer and he seems extremely desperate to be at the party, but when he is at the party, he seems to be the life of the party and everyone is having a good time with him (of course, it could be because they're all drunk). It doesn't make sense that Scott and Stiles are friends because Scott seems like a nice, normal guy while Stiles is a douchebag. Even Boof, who seems to be the good girl next door seems to be friends with asshat Stiles. I was always confused if we were supposed to like Stiles or not. I feel like we were supposed to like him and think he was a fun and wacky guy, but no, I didn't care for him. 

Stiles (or could be Styles for all I know) gets his nickname (pretty sure it's a nickname...like I'm pretty sure Boof has to be a nickname, but again, who would want to be called BOOF?) because he has "style". Or some semblance to it, I guess. He wears these brightly colored, super tight (like ridiculously tight) pants and his shirts, if they don't have a loud and garish print on them, they have some obnoxious message on them. For instance, when we first meet him he's wearing a shirt that says "Life sucks, then you die" (and that's not even the worst shirt he wears to school!), then he wears a shirt that says "Obnoxious" which is a great word to describe him. 

Stiles doesn't have any luck buying beer (not sure why since the actor who played him was 27!), so he wants Scott to carry a plastic gun in his pocket and keep it concealed while he points at it the clerk while he tells him to give him a keg. He tells Scott to pay him so he can't say he was robbed. Uh, pretty sure you're still committing a felony even if you do pay for it! Dumbass! Scott tells him he'll do it, but tosses the toy gun back in the car, so clearly he thinks Stiles is a moron too. While asking the clerk for a keg, his eyes turn red and he seems to hypnotize the man into giving him a keg. Is that a thing with werewolves? I thought that was mostly a vampire thing. My knowledge of werewolves comes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, The Vampire Diaries, and while I don't want to admit it, Twilight. So, basically, if there's a vampire around, there's a werewolf. However, we never meet any vampires in their town. Not that I know of, anyway! 

Scott and Stiles drive to the party in Scott's father's van and we get this very stupid (and dangerous!) scene of Stiles getting on top of the van in a Hawaiian shirt and these stupid yellow sunglasses that have the slat lenses pretending to surf as "Surfing' USA" by the Beach Boys is blasting from the radio. I guess they need this scene to get Stiles out of the car while Scott is driving and notices his ears are pointed (but return to normal when Stiles gets back in the passenger seat). Scott is probably driving a good 40 mph and this scene had to be a huge liability in this movie. I wonder how many stupid teens from the '80s actually tried this? When they get to the party, Scott tells Stiles nobody will ever catch him up there. Just remember that. 

So they go into the party (where there's already a ton of kegs, so they didn't need to go to all that trouble to get one) and a lot of kids are wearing sunglasses. (Stiles is still wearing his). This is SO DUMB. Why would you a) wear sunglasses INSIDE and b) wear sunglasses when it's NIGHT? God, '80s teens were pretty stupid. No offense if you were a teen in the '80s, but you have to admit that's pretty stupid. To be fair, teens at any point in history are stupid. No offense if you're a teen, but once you're older, you'll understand and agree with me. 

Scott sees Pamela and tries to talk to her, but she quickly shoots him down. Boof sees this and gleefully tells him that Pamela spoke more than two words to him this time. 

So there's this sort of sexual game that's super awkward but everyone seems to love to play it (I guess because they're all drunk and horny?) The idea is that each girl picks out a piece of paper with a name of a boy on it and Stiles, who is the host of this game, gives them something to do. For instance, Chubby has to eat a bowl of jello that Stiles dumps down a girl's shirt. If I were that girl, I would be PISSED, but she is whoo hooing and having a grand old time. Guess she was pretty drunk! 

We see Boof has someone named Malcolm. We see Pamela, who is standing right next to her, has Scott. (Oh, if only Scott knew!) Her reaction is rolling her eyes. I thought she was going to trade with Boof (since they're standing right next to each other), but when it's Boof's turn, she lies and says she has Scott. Which, I say, good for her. Go for it. It's not like Stiles or anyone is checking the piece of paper with the name on it! I really thought that Scott was eventually going to find out it was Pamela who actually had his name and he was going to get mad at Boof, but that never happens. Their "task" is that they have to spend two minutes in a closet and "anything goes" which is a little icky. I'm also sure "Two Minutes in a Closet" isn't a thing. Since two minutes isn't really that long, Boof just goes for it and starts making out with Scott. We will later find out that getting turned on makes his lupine side emerge. His claws come out (literally) and she slaps him for being too aggressive. When Stiles opens the door without any warning, the two of them are just standing next to each other and nothing looks out of the ordinary, neither of them are even disheveled. However, when Boof exits the room, we see the back of her shirt is all torn up and her back is a little red (thought not shredded and bloody which you think it would be...guess they didn't want it to be too gruesome or too obvious for the partygoers who don't even seem to notice her shirt is all tore up). I thought this was a good reveal.

Scott knows something wrong is going on with him..even though he's experienced other changes (the ears, the hairy hands) before this and that didn't seem to alarm him, but now he is? Maybe it's because he "hurt" somebody this time. He runs home and upstairs to the bathroom. His dad seems concerned and asks him what's going on behind the closed door. He asks if he can come in (why would you ask that?) and Scott replies with, "I'm doing something in here." Dude, don't respond with THAT. What Scott is "doing" isn't what you think. You see, he can't open the door because he's transferred into a werewolf! Like, full transformation. To me, he almost looks more apelike than werewolf. I wonder if Tim Burton got his inspiration for his Planet of the Apes rendition (which I never saw) because that's what it reminded me of. The best compliment I'll give for the transformation scene is that it wasn't terrible....for 1985. We see him grow fangs, his fingernails grow long and sharp, his eyes protrude from his face, and he is covered in hair. (Fur?) 

His dad orders him to open the door "right this minute" (and uses his full name, so you know he means business!) Scott says "Okay, Dad" and while he is slowly going towards the door to open it, I really thought he was going to change back to his normal self the second before his dad saw him. But instead, he remains a werewolf, but what is even more shocking is that his dad is a werewolf too. He is covered in white fur and looks like the most non-threatening werewolf ever. Now, I actually didn't see the trailer until AFTER I saw the movie because if I had seen it before, I would have been spoiled by this reveal because it is in the trailer! I mean, I guess it really isn't that big of a deal because if he's a werewolf, then it would make sense it's genetic. His dad tells him he never told him about it because sometimes it skips a generation and was hoping it would pass Scott by. I did laugh when MJF says, "Well, Dad, it didn't pass me by. It landed on my face." Oh, and I should mention the trailer blatantly is riding the coattails of BTTF because at the end, the trailer guy says, "Starring Michael J. Fox....star of Back to the Future!" Yep, uh huh, they actually went there. 

But wait a minute! Remember that scene back in the hardware store where the kid is blowing the dog whistle? Why didn't the dad react? I guess you could say he knows how to handle it or they didn't want to reveal the "big surprise" (even though they already did in the trailer), but they could have had him quickly glance up when the whistle is blown, so when people went back to watch the movie, they would have noticed that bit. But, let's be honest, who's going back to watch this movie? 

Scott is too upset to talk at the moment, but the next morning, when he's back to normal, his dad tells him he's going to be able to do a lot of things that other guys can't and Scott snarks back with, "Like chase cars and bite the mailman?" His dad gives him the Spiderman speech: "When you want it, you're gonna have great power. And with great power goes a greater responsibility." Uh, what? I have no idea what "power" he has in this movie. I guess he does have a little more agility than when he's normal Scott, but other than that it's not like he's on Wolverine levels of power. We also find out that his mother, who is now deceased, was also a werewolf. His dad tells him werewolves are people, just like everyone else "with certain obvious exceptions." 

During school that day, Scott has a hard time concentrating and everything seems to remind him of wolves. I always thought werewolves always emerge when there's a full moon, but it seems he can pop into werewolf form at any notice and he needs to know how to control that. 

Stiles is wearing another one of his colorful shirts that would never fly in a high school today, when I went to high school, and I'm pretty sure not back in the '80s! It says, "What are you looking at, Dick Nose?" Nice. Stiles shows us even further what a nice guy he is after school when Scott tells him he needs to tell him something and Stiles replies with, "Are you going to tell me you're [gay]? If your'e going to tell me you're [gay], I don't think I can handle it." Except Stiles doesn't use the word "gay"; he says a very homophobic and terrible word.  F*ck you, Stiles. Seriously, we're not suppose to like this guy, right? Cuz I hated him before this scene, but now I really detest him. Even worse, Scott, who is supposed to be a much better person than Stiles, replies back with, "No, I'm not gay" (again, he doesn't use that word). Also, apparently Stiles thinks Scott being gay is way worse than him being a murderer. Not that Scott is a murderer as a werewolf, but you know, werewolves kinda have that reputation of killing people. Yeah, this movie aged really great! 

In the middle of a basketball game, Scott transforms into a werewolf and this is the only scene I had seen before watching the movie. Whenever I think of this movie (which is pretty much never), I always think of a werewolf playing basketball. As normal Scott, he's in the middle of a big pileup with the ball and you hear a growling noise. After the other players have cleared away, he has become a werewolf and everyone is staring at him. Some people are frightened, but most are just curious. Werewolf Scott just bounces the ball like nothing is wrong and runs and makes a basket (since the other team is doing nothing to stop him), then makes another one and the crowd is cheering. The Beavers are thrilled because now they're winning and have good player on their team.

Nobody seems to have a problem that a werewolf lives in their town or question it all. I mean, good for them, I guess? This town may be homophobic as hell, but at least they're accepting of werewolves, so one step at a time I guess.

We next get a montage of Werewolf Scott enjoying his newfound popularity. He gets free pizza after the game, he is seen walking down the school corridor the next day in his letter jacket and sunglasses listening to his headphones as he slaps high fives to passing student and breaks dance with one of the only black students at the school. Oh yeah, that was a bit cringe-y. He looks absolutely ridiculous. Stiles starts selling wolf merch. T-shirts, bumper stickers, hats, buttons that say "I [heart] Teen Wolf" and "Wolf Fever". My question is why? Who would buy that crap? I bet to this day he still has boxes of all that stuff in his parents' basement. 

Everyone seems to be enamored with Scott the wolf, including Pamela. ESPECIALLY Pamela. She tells him that Kirk, the director of the school play also wants Scott in it a well. The play seems to be some kind of Gone with the Wind ripoff. I had to laugh when Scott is rehearsing (and acting terrible) and Kirk is trying to get his attention by saying, "Wolf...Wolf....Wolf person, whatever your name is." 

Like I said, Pamela is very into Scott the wolf, so much so that she has sex with him (off screen) and she makes sure he's the wolf while they're doing it (hmmm, is she into beastiality?) After their little tryst in the dressing room, they go bowling (Scott is still the wolf) and wouldn't you know it, Mick is there and Pamela makes sure he sees that she is all over Scott and making out with him. When Scott walks her home and asks her to the spring dance, she tells him she's going with Mick because he is still her boyfriend. Um, what? Scott is just as baffled as I am and is all, What about happened this afternoon where we slept together, then went on a date? Well, he didn't say that exactly, but he certainly implied it. Somebody's gotta say it, but Pamela kinds sucks. 

Remember when I said (like two paragraphs ago?) that everyone absolutely loved Scott the werewolf? Well, there are a couple people who don't particularly care for him. One of them is this kid named Lewis, who is friends with Scott and Stiles. He is a couple years younger than him and we see him in a couple scenes with them. He's just sort of there, you know? He doesn't really add anything to the plot. Scott mentions to Stiles that he hasn't seen Lewis in awhile and we find out that he's been avoiding Scott because he's scared of him. And that's that. It's never brought up again. Like, seriously, what was the point? I guess they had to have SOMEONE in this town who was scared of a werewolf. 

Stiles must come from a wealthy family because he's just throwing away money left and right. First it was buying all that useless merch and now he has bought a van that he refurbished so it says "Wolfmobile" on the side and has a terrible drawing of a werewolf on it. I mean, really.  He is about to go van surfing with Scott driving, but Scott changes into werewolf form and tells him, "These waves are mine." I guess Scott the human would never do that, but Scott the werewolf is all about the van surfing. While Stiles is driving the van through town and blasting Surfing' USA, Scott is doing backflips, the splits, and even does a handstand which he holds for a few solid moments. They pass by the hardware store and Scott's dad sees him acting like a jackass and will later tell him he was making a fool of himself. He tells Scott he "needs to get a hold of it", it meaning his werewolf powers, I guess. 

The other person who isn't crazy about Scott the werewolf is Boof. While walking to school together, Boof asks him if he has any plans for the spring dance and that's when he asks her if she would like to go with him and she says she'll go with him, but only with him and not the wolf. He tells her, "I gotta be the wolf. That's what everyone expects." Boof tells him she won't attend the dance with him, but she will save a dance for him. 

When Scott enters the room at prom dressed in a white suit (and of course he arrives as the werewolf), a song called "Big Bad Wolf" starts playing and all the kids part to let Scott into the middle of the room and everyone starts dancing to the song. They do this dance move where they form their hands into claws and swipe at the air.  I have no idea if this song existed before the movie or if it was made specifically for the movie. I'm hoping for the latter because it's kind of a weird song. The lyrics read very sexual (maybe my mind is in the gutter, but I don't think so), but yet there's a line about not looking like a grandma. Like, I get it's a Little Red Riding Hood reference, but this is a weird (and slightly inappropriate for a prom!) song. In fact, all the music in this movie is weird and did not age well as I have never heard of it and I'm guessing not all of these songs were written specially for this movie. There's no way. The songs are much like the actors...I've never heard of them (save for Michael J. Fox, of course).

For some reason, this songs seems to rev up Boof and she takes Scott (who she was dancing with) out into the hall and starts to make out with him. Keep in mind that he's still in wolf form and I thought she didn't like the wolf? I thought she preferred Scott as his human self? I must say Boof looks very '80s in her white strapless prom dress and lace gloves. 

They come back to the dance and Scott is now in human form. Pamela is there with Mick, who looks more like a teacher chaperone than a student because the actor was 27. At one point, it is mentioned he is 20 because he was held back...because he went to jail or something? IDK. And I don't really care. Mick is still jealous because Pamela tells him she will dance with Scott if he asks her. He tells Scott to stay away from Pamela and to "stick with his own kind like that little tramp." He is referring to Boof, but it sounds like he's describing Pamela. This makes Scott angry and he turns into the wolf and slashes Mick's shirt revealing his tattoo and abs. Does he draw blood? No. However, the action of what he's done freaks him out and he vows he's not going to be the wolf anymore and decides to quit the basketball team since he sucks at it when he's not in wolf form. 

But during the last scene, a basketball game between the Beavers and the Dragons (that's Mick's team, remember), Scott comes in during the middle of the game and they let him play. He wants to prove they can win the game without him being the wolf. I'm sure there's some lesson we're supposed to learn here. 

I was very confused. Did they change their mascot to the Wolves? There's a sign that says "Becontown Wolves", but someone is still dressed in the beaver mascot costume. Make up your mind, you can't be both mascots! Also, why didn't they just start out as the wolves in the first place? Maybe they thought it would be too on the nose, but this movie is so stupid, you might as well just have the werewolf play basketball on a team called the Wolves. I mean, why not? 

Scott scores the winning point (of course he does) and an incredibly cheesy, schmaltzy song comes on. You have to read the lyrics to see how bad it is: 

"Funny how sometimes life just changes overnight. Magically, everything you do turns out so right. Just like that you pull rabbits out of your hat. You've got the charm that even wizards can't explain how to make rainbows from a single drop of rain." 

Now that Scott is popular and won the game, Pamela wants to be with him and is going to congratulate him (and make out with him presumably), but he brushes past her to kiss Boof because she's the one he wants to be with. 

The movie ends in the oddest way. It's a still shot of the crowd in the bleachers. Scott is among them with Boof and his dad, but they aren't even centered. In fact, it took a few seconds for my eyes to focus on them because I didn't see the right away! 

Another thing about this movie is that I believe it is set in Nebraska (in the small fictional town of Beacontown) and as someone who lives in Nebraska, this makes me feel deeply ashamed. They never actually say they're in Nebraska, but there are clues such as there's Husker memorabilia in the office of the basketball coach and there's also a Huskers banner or calendar or something in Scott's kitchen. Thank God we have Alexander Payne so nobody immediately jumps to this movie when they think of movies that take place in Nebraska (and at least the Payne movies that take place in Nebraska were filmed here!)

I know there was a sequel to this movie that starred Jason Bateman, who I guess, was a poor man's MJF at the time. I think he's supposed to be Scott's cousin. I guess if his sister in real life can play MJF's sister on Family Ties, then makes sense he can play his cousin! I guess MJF refused to be in the sequel because he hated the original movie. Plus he knew he had something better with Back to the Future, so can you really blame him? I can't. This movie is just terrible.

Is It Love, Actually?

Notting Hill

Director: Roger Michell

Cast: Julia Roberts, Hugh Grant, Hugh Bonneville, Rhys Ifans, Alec Baldwin

Released: May 28, 1999

This is a movie I liked when I watched it when it first came out, but now that I'm a little older and wiser, I can see that this movie is really not that good. These two people getting together makes no sense at all and there are so many things that don't really make any sense.

I should warn there will be spoilers though it's probably a moot point since this movie is very predictable and even if you've never seen it, you probably know that that two leads get together. Uh, spoiler alert! I WISH there was a reason for me to put a spoiler warning; I wish there was a bit of a twist in this movie, but, alas, there is not.

This is the movie where Julia Roberts basically plays herself. It reminds me of when Whitney Houston played a mega pop star in The Bodyguard. Julia Roberts, the most famous actress in the whole entire universe at the time, plays Anna Scott, the most famous actress in the whole entire universe. Hugh Grant plays William Thacker, a charming and self-deprecating English lad with floppy hair who owns a travel bookstore in Notting Hill, a charming and affluent area of London. He used to be married to a woman who left him for a man "who looked exactly like Harrison Ford." He says his shop doesn't sell many travel books and that basically business hasn't been booming. If that's the case, how doe he afford his house (which seems pretty nice). Well, good thing he ends up with a movie star who makes $15 million a movie (spoiler alert!)! I can't help but wonder if that's the real reason he was so enamored with her. I bet it was a pretty big big reason.

Our two leads meet fairly early in the movie when Anna comes into the bookstore and you can tell he recognizes her because he looks at her, then does a double take. Like with any other customer, he asks if he can help her and she politely says no. He will continue to try to engage in conversation with her by telling her she shouldn't get the book she's looking at and recommends another book on the same country (Turkey) and continues to give the author's credentials. He's just babbling and you just want to to him to SHUT UP! (and this won't even be the worst example of this!) and Anna is just nodding and trying to be polite, but you can tell she doesn't want to really have any conversation with him. She will end up buying the book she was looking at, but he throws in the recommended book for free. Celebrities; they have so much money, but yet they still get everything for free! Such BS! Also, why is he just giving her a FREE book when he could sell it to someone who may actually want it when his shop isn't doing so well. Oh, right, because he's so starstruck. 

She leaves, but they will have their real meet cute five minutes later, or an hour later (not really sure how much time passes once she leaves the store) when Will has gone out to buy orange juice and a pastry and he's headed back to his store. He's rounding a corner and who should be coming from the opposite side, also at a face pace. Why, it's Anna Scott, of course (with seemingly no bodyguards...don't really big time celebs have bodyguards with them? Unless they were watching from a distance. But then why would they let her...oh, never mind!) They collide into each other and Will (I honestly don't even remember if he's referred to as "Will" or "William" in this movie, but "Will" is shorter to type, so we're going with that!) spills his OJ all over her blouse. Thank God it wasn't coffee; I can only image how much she would sue him for that! She's sopping wet and he offers to let her clean up at his place which is just down the street and she can see it with the blue door from where she's standing. She says she needs to get her car back (was it in the shop or something?) and he says she can use his phone. This is how you can tell this movie takes place pre-Smart Phone! This is also the time where, if indeed she did have a bodyguard, they would intercept her and stop her from going to a strange man's house...which she does! This is SHOCKING that a woman, especially someone who is a public figure like Anna Scott, would just go into this man's house without a second thought. What if he was some crazy stalker and had planned this to lure her back to his house? But she's just like, Okay, I'll change at your house and use your phone. Seriously, would Julia Roberts ever go into some random person's house after they spilled OJ on her? No, she would not! I wouldn't do it and I'm not even famous! 

I should mention that Will has a flatmate named Spike (Rhys Ifans) who is a complete slob and the house is always just a mess. He also has no filter and no common sense. A lot of his scenes are just there for comedic purposes and I'll talk more about him later. Will apologizes for the messy kitchen and I noticed a chalkboard on the wall with the message, "Spike, clean up" which I thought was a nice touch. 

Anna changes her shirt (she had been shopping, so she had a top to change into) and when she comes downstairs, Will is gazing in awe at her. He seems to be enamored with her fame and beauty more than anything else. There is an extremely awkward and cringe-worthy scene where she's clearly ready to leave once she's gotten everything situated and he asks her if she wants something to drink. He just offer her twenty different beverages and she says "no" to all of them. Dude, get a clue, she doesn't want anything to drink! She also doesn't want anything "to nibble". He offers her apricots soaked in honey and rambles on about how they taste like honey and if you wanted honey, then you should just get honey. First of all, it's like, UGH, SHUT UP! Second of all, it's pronounced AP-ra-cot, not APE-ra-cot. (I know, I know, that's how British people pronounce it). Will asks her, "Do you always say no to everything?" to which Anna predictably replies, "No."

Before she leaves, Will tells her, "It was nice to meet you. Surreal, but nice." After she leaves, he berates himself for saying something so stupid. But seconds later, his doorbell will ring and he will find Anna there! She has forgotten her bag with the books which she had left at the bottom of the stairs before she went up to change. To be honest, I had also forgotten about that bag. The question is did she really forget her bag or did she leave it on purpose? He gives her the bag, she thanks him, looks at him, then kisses him. And I'm not talking a peck on the cheek, but a full on make out session. HUH? Where did this come from? Why is she kissing him? It had been awhile since I last saw this movie and I thought they had eventually warmed up to a romance, but it seems to start, like, ten minutes after they meet. I can understand why he's so enamored with her since she's a big time movie star, but I'm not sure why she's so into him? I mean, he seems like a perfectly nice guy and he isn't bad-looking, but there is absolutely no reason she should be kissing him like that. If he had saved her life or defended her honor, then maybe I could see a reason. Will apologizes for his "surreal, but nice" comment and Anna tells him she thought the low point was when he started babbling on about the honey-drenched apricots. Hey, she's not wrong! And at least she pronounced "apricots" the right way! Before she leaves (again), Anna tells him, "It's probably best not to tell anyone about this." Obviously, she's only looking out for herself. If a gorgeous famous celebrity kissed you, of course you're going to tell everybody! Duh! That's the only natural human response. Of course, nobody is going to believe you anyway! 

That night, Will and Spike watch a movie starring Anna Scott and Matthew Modine and it looks like the most pretentious, God-awful film. Its called Gramercy Park and it's in black and white. The scene we see Will and Spike watching has them at an art gallery and Matthew Modine's character keeps telling Anna Scott's character to smile and she's all, "I've got nothing to smile about." Also, nothing more obnoxious than somebody telling you to smile. Moments later, he asks her to marry him and she breaks out into her wide Julia Roberts grin. Oh, barf. Spike says, "Imagine, somewhere in the world there's a man who's allowed to kiss her." And he says that to the very guy who had just kissed her that very day! What are the odds of that?    

A day or two passes and Spike tells Will he has a couple messages, but he didn't write them down. Because that's the kind of person he is. He does remember that "an American girl named Anna called a few days ago" and told him she wanted Will to call her at the Ritz under a different name that Spike can't remember since he didn't write the message down. It's really too bad for Will that Smart Phones don't exist in the world yet. How did Anne get his phone number? Did he ever give her his last name so she could look him up in the phone book? While Will is talking to the Ritz and trying to convince them to let them talk to world famous movie star Anna Scott, Spike suddenly remembers the name she used was "Flintstone" and Will is able to get through.

He goes to her hotel suite, but it turns out it's set up for a press junket where journalists are interviewing Anna and other actors for her new film called Helix. When he's asked which magazine he's from, Will sees a copy of Horse and Hound lying on a coffee table nearby and tells the woman he's with that publication. He also uses his real name. Wouldn't they have him on the roster? They must not even have one because they let him in without checking his identification or credentials. This movie definitely lets thing slide so they can tell the story they want to to tell. 

Will is able to go in the private room where Anna is giving her interviews, but her publicist keeps popping in and out, so every time he's in the room, Will has to pretend to be a journalist and ask dumb questions about a movie he hasn't seen and knows nothing about. Keeping with the magazine's theme, he asks if she wanted more horses in it and she replies it would be too difficult since the movie is set in space. She says it in kind of a bitchy tone which I thought was a bit rude since she was the one who got Will in this mess. It's not his fault he hasn't seen this crappy movie (we see a very little clip of it and we hear snippets of what its about and it sounds terrible) and that he has to pretend to be interviewing her. When the publicist is out of the room, Anna does sound apologetic and tells him she thought this would be over by now. Still, she could have arranged a rendez-vous with him without putting him in this awkward position. She also apologizes for "the kissing thing." This prompts Will to ask her if she's busy that night and she says she is. When the publicist brings in the next journalist, Anna tells Will it was nice to meet him and throws in "surreal, but nice", making it full circle, though it absolutely makes no sense why a movie star would say that to a journalist. Will tells her she is Horse and Hounds favorite actress, other than Black Beauty. 

This scene will continue when Will is getting ready to leave, but he ends up having to interview the other actors who are also in the movie. This includes a pre-The O.C. AND a pre-The Sixth Sense (though only by a few months) Mischa Barton. When she tells Will she's been in 22 movies (and this girl can't be older than 12!), he asks her which one was her favorite and she replies the one she did with Leo. Will has no idea who Leonardo DiCaprio is cuz he asks if she means DaVinci (HUH?) and she clarifies who she means. Will still has no idea who this DiCaprio fellow is because he asks her if he's her favorite Italian director. HUH??? How does he know Anna Scott, but has never heard of Leonardo freakin' DiCaprio, who's on the same level of fame (and probably higher!) than Anna Scott?? I know it was played for laughs, but it did not make any sense. This happens a lot in this movie: a scene played for laughs that absolutely makes no sense. 

Anna catches Will before he leaves and tells him she can cancel her plans so she's free that night. Will is happy, but then suddenly realizes it's his sister's birthday and they're supposed to be having dinner with friends. (Dude, I'm sure your sister wouldn't mind if you were missing her birthday dinner to go on a date with a famous movie actress). Anna gets the great idea to invite herself along which I don't fine believable at all. I'm beginning to think she's one of those celebrities who became famous to be famous and does not care about acting at all (she often even jokes she's not that great of an actress!) She invites herself because she knows everybody will be fawning over her. Will has time to call his friends who are hosting the birthday dinner to tell them he's brining a date, but he doesn't have time to give them a heads up that his date just so happens to be the world's most famous actress. 

When they arrive at Max and Bella's house (the couple hosting the party), Bella is about to tell Anna she's the spitting image of Anna Scott, but Will introduces her and she realizes she IS Anna Scott. When Will's sister, Honey (please tell me that is just a nickname), arrives, she is fawning over Anna and it's so awkward. I think Anna herself is even pretty uncomfortable. Honey babbles on, very similar to her brother, so that must have been a hereditary trait passed down to them. She tells Anna, "This is one of those key moments in life when it's possible you can be really genuinely cool and I'm going to fail just 100%. I absolutely, totally, and utterly adore you. I think you are the most beautiful woman in the world." While that's a little cringey, it's not as bad as when she continues on to tell her she believes they could be best friends. WTF? At least form a friendship with her before you tell her you want to be best friends. That's about bordering on obsession stalker territory. She asks Anna what does she think about this and Anna, who is pretty diplomatic in this scenario replies, "Lucky me." Honey then continues to be creepy and quite forward when she tells Anna to marry Will because he's "a really nice guy" and then they can "become sisters." Oh. My. God. Girl, this is their FIRST date. Calm the eff down. I would feel a little bit sorry for Anna, but she is the one who invited herself along. She had to know what she was getting herself into, although I'm sure she didn't think she would be propositioned to be someone's new best friend or ask to get married to the guy she's on a first date with. 

When their unlucky in love stockbroker friend, Bernie (Hugh Bonneville), shows up, he doesn't even recognize Anna at first. He asks her what she does and when she says she acts, he says he used to do some amateur acting and tells her it must be a tough job because "the wages are a scandal." Even though it is extremely rude that he asks how much she made on her last film, I don't think she would reply with 15 million dollars like she does. Realistically, she would probably just tell him she gets by. I would imagine rich people don't like talking about how rich they are, but then, I'm not rich, so what do I know? He does realize who he had been talking to when Anna uses the restroom that Honey eagerly shows her where it is even though she could have found it just fine.

Dinner seems to go by fine and after they've all had a brownie for dessert, there's one left and it is offered as a prize to whoever has "the saddest act here." (Why the hell didn't they just make sure there was two for everyone in the first place!) This is clearly an exposition scene for the audience to learn more about the characters. We learn that Bernie works at a job he doesn't understand and everyone keeps getting promoted above him; Honey doesn't make much money and she attracts "cruel men"; Bella is in a wheelchair and can't have kids. We know that she was in an accident 18 months ago; I think they mention she fell down the stairs? Will is divorced with an unsuccessful profession. (Still, how does have such a nice home?) They are about to let Will take it (really? The woman who is in a wheelchair and can't have children doesn't have the saddest story of them all?), when rich-ass, beautiful, world-beloved and famous Anna Scott whines that she should get a chance to claim the last brownie. Bitch, please. She'd probably just throw it up anyway. I say this because she tells them she's been on a diet since she was 19 as well as she's had a bunch of "not-nice boyfriends", and every time she gets her heart broken, it's all over the newspaper. Oh, and it took two painful operation to look like she does. Um, you were the one who went into a line of work who has high standards for the way you look and of course the tabloids are going to paste your business all over their papers. I don't think the woman in the wheelchair who can't have children asked for those things. The other guests sort of humor her and cluck their tongues in sympathy, but then they're like, Nice try, you're rich and beautiful, so GTFO. (They didn't say it that way exactly, but you know that's what they were thinking). 

Honey continues to be intrusive when Will and Anna are leaving and saying good-bye to everyone and Honey tells her to call her if she ever wants to go shopping because she knows "lots of nice cheap places." Yeah, because the woman who makes $15 million a movie is worried about finding cheap places to shop! Anna, bless her, is super nice and tells Honey she's her "style guru", but it's an obvious lie because those two could not have fashion senses more different. When Anna and Will are outside the house, they hear his friends screaming in excitement and Will tells her they do that every time he leaves. I thought that was one of the funnier scenes in the movie. 

One of the scenes I remember the most is the next one where they're walking and come across a private garden with a locked gate. To impress Anna, Will tries to climb over, but fails and this is where we get him saying "Whoopsie daisies" not only once, but twice, and Anna makes fun of him for that. They both manage to make it over and kiss while they're in front of a beautiful garden and a sappy song starts playing, so you know they're in love. 

We get a montage of them going on dates and doing mushy romantic stuff. After eating dinner together one night, they walk back to Anna's hotel and she invites him up, but tells him to give her five minutes before he arrives. It doesn't make sense why she makes him wait five minutes before he's allowed to enter her suite because she can just primp herself in the bathroom, but they only do this because Anna's movie star boyfriend, Jeff (played by Alec Baldwin), has shown up to surprise her! Ruh-oh! She only has seconds to warn him before Jeff shows his face. I guess we're supposed to think Jeff is some kind of a-hole and while he does make comments about Anna not ordering too much food so she doesn't get fat, he actually comes off better than Anna does in this scene. For one thing, he's not lying to anybody. Anna tells Jeff that Will works at the hotel and is there to take orders for room service. Jeff asks for some water and asks Will if he can clear the dirty dishes and take out the trash. Again, I think the audience is meant to think Jeff is being a jerk for asking Will to do this, but I can't blame him! He thinks the guy works there and he's just asking him if he can clear the dirty dishes and take out the trash. He's not being rude or anything. That seems like a perfectly normal request to ask somebody who works at the hotel. 

I realize this movie takes place before Google was a mainstream thing and even before the Internet was huge, though they did have the Internet back in 1999, so why didn't Will do any research on Anna on the web? Was her relationship with Jeff hidden from the press, so nobody knew about it? Somehow, I doubt that. Also, surely Will's friends and especially his sister, who is Anna Scott-obsessed must have know that Anna had a boyfriend! Why didn't they take Will aside and mention this to him? We will get a scene later with his friends when one of them asks him, "You didn't know she had a boyfriend?" and he replies, "No, did you?" and his friends all look knowingly at each other. SO WHY DIDN'T THEY TELL HIM? For the convenience of the movie's plot, that's why. 

Anyway, Will is obviously hurt that Anna was lying to him that whole time and they break up. His friends start to set him up with different women. We meet Tessa who has frizzy hair and while social, is also very blunt. When she first sees Bella (her first date with Will is a double date with Bella and Max), she exclaims, "Hello! You're in a wheelchair!" She knows Max from somewhere (work, maybe?) and tells Will that Max has told her a lot about him and that he (Will) "is a naughty boy." Now, was this before or after Hugh Grant got busted being caught with prostitute? (I can't take credit for this joke; I heard it on a podcast. And for the record, it was after). But what is she talking about? Nothing about Will screams "naughty". I don't know what kind of stories Max has been telling her! 

The second woman they set him up with refuses to eat a meal because she's a "fruitarian" which means she "believes fruits and vegetables have feelings, so cooking is cruel" and she only eats those that have fallen on the ground since they're "dead" already. The dish she was offered had carrots that were murdered. So I thought this whole fruitarian thing was made up for the movie, but it seems to be a real thing. I understand why people are vegetarians and I respect that, but I don't quite get the point of being a fruitarian. 

The last woman they set him up with, played by Emily Mortimer, seems perfectly normal and she is lovely and beautiful and doesn't have any weird quirks and even Will admits that she is "perfect, absolutely perfect" after she has left the date and his friends ask him what he thought. We then get some interesting backstory on him where we learn that besides Anna, he's only loved two girls, "both total disasters." One was his ex-wife and the other was Bella, who ended up marrying his best friend. Wow, that's got to be awkward that he used to be in love with the woman who married his best friend and now he remains friends with today. He must have gotten over her. I don't know why they had to make that part of his history. Also, he only dated Anna, for what, a month, and he claims he was in love with her? Give me a break! Here he has beautiful and lovely Emily Mortimer (she doesn't have a name in the movie, so I'll just call her by her real name) who clearly likes him and she's not even going to hear back from him because he's too busy swooning over a movie star who will probably dump his ass in six months if they ever got back together. What a chump. I wish they at least had Will date Emily Mortimer so when Anna will shows up at his door months later, there's a bit of a love triangle. But, alas, we will not hear from or see Emily Mortimer anymore in the film. 

Anna shows up because she is upset that nude photos of her taken "years ago" are now in the tabloids. She had them taken before she made it big to make a few bucks. Apparently, someone was filming her as well, "so what was a stupid photo shoot now looks like a porn film." I don't quite understand why these photos and videos are being released now since it appears that Anna has been famous for at least a decade. It doesn't make any sense, but they just need to find a reason for Anna to be upset while she just so happens to be in London for two days and she goes to Will to ask if she can stay with him for awhile so she can hide from the press. Of course Will says she can stay with him because he is in love with her, but we all know that "love" is purely infatuation. We also find out that Anna has broken up with Jeff. 

Two things of note that happen during this time that will come back later in the movie:

1) Will is helping Anna with her lines for her next movie where she saves the world from a nuclear threat. He calls the script "gripping", but it isn't Henry James.

2) They bond over a Chagall painting called La Mariee (pretend there's an accent mark over the first e) that features a violin-playing goat. 

They end up sleeping together and everything is great until it isn't. The next morning while Anna is in the kitchen getting breakfast ready, the doorbell rings and Will answers it wearing his boxers and a t-shirt. He opens the door to find a crapton of paparazzi snapping pics of him and quickly shuts the door. When Anna sees Will's shocked face, she asks him what's going on. He says "nothing" and she says, "You're up to something" and proceeds to open the door only wearing his dress shirt. Why didn't he stop her? And why is she opening the door only wearing his shirt? You would think being a public figure, she would know better. Of course photos get snapped of her dressed like that and she is livid. She accuses Spike of calling the papers and telling them where she was to make "a buck or two." Spike did tell a couple of his friends (it's not like Will told him to keep quiet about it and what do you expect from somebody like Spike? Anna had met him before and knew what he was like) and that's how it got leaked. I can't blame her for being pissed because Will had every opportunity to tell her NOT to open the door, but he didn't until it was too late. She probably still would have been angry that the press was there, but at least they wouldn't get her photo. Will tells her it will be forgotten by the next day and nobody will care anymore because it will be yesterdays' news. But Anna doesn't agree with him and leaves in a huff and once again they are no more. 

I do love the next scene where we see the passing of time as we see an establishing shot of Will walking through the market and they show the seasons changing. At the beginning, we see him pass a pregnant woman, then by the end she has a baby. We also see his sister with a new beau, but by the end, they are arguing. It's a nice way to show the passage of time:

During this time, Bernie has lost his job and at a dinner with friends, Honey announces she's engaged. Turns out it's to Spike. Wha-? How did Will not know his sister was dating his flatmate? How did we not know about this? This must have been a storyline they cut out of the movie...but then why leave in their engagement? Also, I hate that they get engaged because they're the kooky characters. But, whatever, it's not even important and won't be part of the movie anymore and I'm not really sure why it's even in the movie. I am vexed; it vexes me. 

Will finds out that Anna is back in London, filming. (Does she even film in any other city??) Apparently she won a Best Actress Oscar...for Helix, that craptacular sci-fi movie. Um, excuse me, but nobody ever wins acting Oscars for sci-fi movies. Well, thank goodness for Julia Roberts, the movie she actually did win an Oscar for, Erin Brockovich, is better than that movie (and this movie too, let's be honest!) So, I guess in this universe, Anna Scott wins the Oscar instead of Hilary Swank for Boys Don't Cry. I mean, there is clearly some shady stuff going on! 

Anyway, remember I told you to remember a couple of things because they would come back later? Well, turns out Anna is filming an adaptation of a Henry James novel and Will goes to visit her on the set. She sees him and invites him to stay and watch, then they can chat later. He does, but I guess she doesn't know that someone gave him headphones so he can hear the dialogue, and he ends up hearing Anna's co-star ask Anna about him (Will) and Anna just dismisses him (Will, again), saying he's "just some guy from the past" and she doesn't know "what he's doing here." Good Lord, what a bitch! Will must think so too because he just leaves and goes back to work.

Later, Anna comes to the bookstore to bring him a wrapped gift because it make her think of him. (It's the original Chagall painting. Apparently, when they were bonding over it, she forgot to mention that she OWNED the original!) Anna asks if they can spend some together and he replies, "No, bitch, get your hoity-toity ass outta my shop." No, he did not say that. He actually said, "Can I just say "no" to your kind request and leave it at that?" He goes on to tell her they are two different peoples; he's from Notting Hill, she's from Beverly Hills, yada, yada, yada. This is when we get the famous line, "I'm just a girl... standing in front of a boy.... asking him to love her." Will STILL says no, but when he tells his friends later that day what happened, he realizes he made the wrong decision (no, he didn't!) and needs to find her (no, he doesn't!), so he and all his friends drive to the Savoy where she's at a press conference and they get in using their shenanigans. Someone asks her how long she will be in the UK and she replies she will be leaving that night. Will better make his move soon! Lucky for him, another journalists asks about the "graphic photos" taken of her with "some young English guy." First of all, WTF, "graphic photos"? They weren't even nude! Second of all, they weren't even photographed together! Anna replies that he was just friend, then Will, posed as a journalist asks her, "Are there any circumstances in which the two of you might be more than just good friends." Anna realizes it's him and tells him if he would be willing to give her a second chance and Will basically admits he was wrong and Anna announces she will be staying in Britain "indefinitely." Yay. Whoo-wee. We end the movie with them getting married and seeing her pregnant when they're at a park. 

It absolutely makes no sense that he ends up with Anna! I would have loved it if the movie had a twist and he ended up with Emily Mortimer's character. Also, you know those two are no longer together. They should make a sequel about their kid (who would be 22 now). I'm sure we would find out their parents divorced when they were a little kid! 

Many of the scenes that featured the zany roommate, Spike, didn't come off realistic to me. Nobody can be that stupid, can they? Pretty much every scene with Spike infuriated me because he comes off....so unnecessarily stupid and socially inept and his scenes are clearly played for laughs and I just hated this character so, so much:

-There's a scene early on in the movie where he's getting ready for a date (how did get get someone to go out with him in the first place?) and he asks Will which shirt he should wear. The first one he models features a plastic T-rex head and is splattered in red and it reads "I love blood." What the actual f**k? Why would anyone think this would be appropriate to wear on a date or anywhere, for that matter? The second one has an arrow pointing at his genitals and it says "Get it here." Will, of course, is appalled by these shirts. The third shirt Spike wears has a heart and says "You're the most beautiful woman in the world." Will tells him, "That's perfect." WTF, Will? No, it's not. You say, "Don't you own any solid colored shirts?" Encourage him to wear a black or blue or red polo shirt. If I went on a date with a guy who wore a shirt that said that, I would be terrified and totally weirded out. That is CREEPY AF. There is nothing romantic or cutesy about that. When Spike turns around, Will sees it reads "Fancy a f**k?" (Klassy!) and still Will doesn't tell him NOT to wear it. 

Then we get a scene of Spike eating something and he tells Will there's something wrong with the yogurt, who replies, "It's not yogurt; it's mayonnaise" and Spike continues to eat it! Ugh, why? It would have been more believable if the yogurt was just expired and he continued to eat it because he didn't mind the taste of it. 

At one point, we see him wearing Will's wet suit (from a vacation he took once) because he doesn't have any clean clothes because he never does laundry. This is only in the movie because Will says the goggles are prescriptions and we see him wearing them at the movies when he's dating Anna because he can't find his glasses. I'm sorry, but if you're trying to impress a girl, especially one who is a MOVIE STAR, you're not going to wear your stupid scuba diving goggles because you look like a COMPLETE moron! Well, lucky for him, Anna seems to think it's charming. 

During the time Anna is staying with Will, she takes a bubble bath in the bathroom. Spike, who had been reading the tabloids that features Anna's nude photos, walks into the bathroom, sees Anna in the tub with the bubbles surrounding her, then walks out and thanks God. And she acts like it's no big deal; like she was suspecting Will's flatmate to walk in on her while she was in the tub. You would think she would LOCK the door! 

If you're looking for another  Richard Curtis romance, I would recommend About Time which also has an interesting premise. I should mention that Richard Curtis did not direct Notting Hill, but he did write it. I've never see Four Weddings and a Funeral, so I can't say if that's better or not than this one. That's one I should put on my list of movies to review. 

Check

Searching for Bobby Fischer

Director: Steven Zaillian

Cast: Joan Allen, Ben Kingsley, Laurence Fishbourne, Joe Mantegna, Max Pomeranc

Released: August 11, 1993

Oscar nominations:

Best Cinematography - lost to Schindler's List 

In case you weren't sure, the title is NOT referring to trying to find the actual Bobby Fischer, but rather the NEXT Bobby Fischer. Good, glad we cleared that up! 

So I should probably preface this by saying I know nothing about chess. I have never played it, I don't know the rules (I probably wouldn't understand the rules!). Much like one Jon Snow, I know nothing (about chess)! That said, I quite enjoyed this movie (even though I had no idea what was going on when chess was being played). You'd think watching people play chess would be one of the most boring things (and I'm sure it is in real life!), but the movie does a good job of keeping it cinematic.

This movie sort of reminded me of The Wizard. You know, that movie was about a young boy who is a video game prodigy and this movie is about a young boy who is a chess prodigy. I will say that this movie is better, but let's be honest, pretty much any movie (within reason!) is better than that one! 

The chess prodigy in question is a seven-year-old boy named Josh Waitzkin (played by Max Pomeranc). I had no clue Josh was a real person and that this movie was based on a book of the same name written by Josh's dad, Fred Waitzkin. But to be fair, I don't follow the chess scene, so I'm not familiar with any big name chess players (and to be honest, I'm not sure how big a name Waitzkin was as he was really a child chess prodigy). Yeah, I've heard of Bobby Fischer, but I feel like he's one of those big names everybody's heard of. I didn't know anything about him except he was really good at chess. We get some small Bobby Fischer history lessons sprinkled into the movie and he seemed kind of like a jerk. I did a quick skim through his Wikipedia page and yikes! He allegedly idolized Hitler and was glad that the 9/11 attacks happened. I'm not sure why you would want to be compared to him! Yes, I realize that they're only comparing Josh's chess skills to Fischer's chess skills and they make it a point to say that personality wise, Josh is nothing like Bobby. At this point in time (1992/93), I'm not sure how much is known about Fischer's truly problematic view of the world. If we really were searching for Bobby Fischer, I don't think I'd want him to be found! We don't need to search for him anymore, though, because he died in 2008. 

Heh, one of my notes I wrote was, "Bobby Fischer seemed like a whiny baby". I can't remember exactly why I wrote that, but it seemed like he was always complaining about something as young Josh tells us in voice over. (BTW, this kid was not the best enunciator of words so it was sometimes difficult to understand what he was saying in voiceover). I swear he told us that he complained about his view of his hotel in Iceland was too nice. WTF? 

So when we meet Josh, he's a kid who's just turned seven and he lives in New York with his parents, Fred and Bonnie (Joe Mantegna and Joan Allen) and his little sister. He enjoys watching Vinnie, a presumed homeless man (played by Laurence Fishbourne) play chess in Washington Square with other men. This movie never states what year it's supposed to be, but the real Josh Waitzkin was born in late 1976, so it would have been 1984 around the time he got into chess. Funnily enough, that was the year his portrayer, Max Pomeranc, was born, so there is only an eight year difference between them. I did wonder if they got a kid who was a chess player to play Waitzskin since they'd probably want to cast somebody who knew what they were doing and sure enough, according to the Wiki, Pomeranc was was one of the country's top 20 chess players in his age group at that time. Like I said, this came from Wiki, so who knows how reliable it is. 

So I haven't read the book (obviously, or otherwise I would have known Josh Waitzkin is a real person), so I'm not exactly sure how Josh learned how to play chess. His parents didn't teach him and he didn't learn at a friend's house. The movie makes it seem like he learned just from watching Vinnie and the other men in the park. Can you just self-teach yourself to play chess? I would think you would need to know the rules. Bonnie notices that her son has been fascinated with the chess players in the park, so she takes Josh to one old man in the park who's supposedly some great chess player from the past. His table has a sign that says you can play a game with him or have your picture taken with him for five dollars. (We will later learn that you don't make a lot if you're a world renowned chess player). Josh plays the man and loses, but Vinnie is watching him play and is impressed with the young boy's chess skills. He tells Josh's mother, "Your boy used pieces in combination to attack." Whatever that means, but it certainly impressed Vinnie. He asks Josh his name and Josh tells him. When he asks him, "Josh what?" his mother tells him not to give out his last name, but of course he does and Vinnie writes it down. 

When Bonnie reveals to her husband that Josh played chess in the park, her husband replies with, "Josh doesn't know how to play chess." She answers with, "Yes, he does. Don't ask me how, but he does." Yeah...the movie really never explains HOW he learned how to play chess and the parents seem to accept it. I'm sure it's more expanded on in the book. Josh's dad works as a baseball analyst/sports writer (something like that!) and likes to bond with his son over baseball; Josh is even on a Little League team. This has nothing to do with the movie, but the actor who played him sounded so much like Ray Romano, that I kept expecting Doris Roberts to come out and exclaim, "Raymond!" 

After hearing this revelation that his son knows how to play chess, Fred decides to bring out the chessboard to play a game with Josh. The game ends fairly quickly and Fred wins. He confesses to his wife that he should have let Josh win and was even giving him an opportunity to win. Bonnie tells him that Josh wasn't trying to win. Fred decides to play again with Josh and this time he tells him to "really try."

This time they play seriously and it takes so long for Fred to decide how to move his pieces that each time it's his turn, we see Josh playing with his sister during one of his dad's turns, talking on the phone to his friend (who he tells that he'll be right back when his dad calls to him that it's his turn, he runs to the living room, moves his piece, then runs back to the phone), and most humorously, Josh is taking a bath after his dad his finished thinking over a move and when he tells Josh it's his turn, Josh tells him exactly what he wants moved and he ends up winning the game. While it seemingly takes his dad several minutes to make a move, it only takes Josh a few seconds and he knows exactly how to move the pieces to win the game. 

Fred takes Josh to the Metropolitan Chess Club that he knows about from a guy that writes the Chess Column at the same newspaper he also writes for. Um, excuse me, Chess Column?? What? Is this only found in big city papers? I have never heard of a Chess Column in a paper before; granted I've never actively looked for one before. I also don't read the newspaper, I mean, how archaic.  

Anyway, Fred is there to look for a man named Bruce Pandolfini (played by Ben Kingsley). Obviously, he is a real person and I looked up his stats on Wiki:

-He is still alive at the time of this review; he is 73.

-Wiki tells me "he is considered to be America's most experienced chess teacher."

-I thought this little tidbit was interesting; I haven't seen The Queen's Gambit; but now I'm interested to check it out:

In 1983, Pandolfini was the chess consultant to author Walter Tevis for the novel The Queen's Gambit, for which Pandolfini had also suggested the title. Decades later, Pandolfini returned as consultant for the 2020 Netflix miniseries of the same name.

- He looks nothing like Ben Kingsley. Okay, that wasn't in his Wikipedia page, but just thought I would throw it out there. 

Before Bruce accepts tutoring Josh in chess, he invites Fred to an adult chess tournament where all the national chess champs are gathered. This is where we find out that one of the great chess champs, Asa Hoffman (again, somebody I've never heard of), who grew up in a wealthy family and went to prestigious schools, plays 200 games a year and only makes $2,000 from doing it. I suppose if you come from a wealthy family, you can afford to immerse yourself in chess! Fred tells Bruce, "Clearly, you had me come here so I could see all this. But if you really wanted me to say no to letting my son play, you wouldn't have bothered. You want me to think you want me to say no, but you actually want me to say yes." Bruce just replies with, "I want back what Bobby Fischer took with him when he disappeared." I don't know if I was clear when I was talking about Fischer, but supposedly he would just disappear and nobody had any idea where he was. But then he would pop back up to play a game, then disappear again. 

Bruce has agreed to tutor Josh and during their first session they don't even talk about chess, let alone play it. Josh has a large selection of board games in his room and they play Clue. I did notice he had Stratego which is a game my brother also had. We used to play it and he would always beat me because I sucked so bad. That's probably the closest game to chess I've ever played. 

At their next session, Josh is at the Metropolitan Chess Club and Bruce has set up the board for him. He tells his new pupil, "The mate is four moves from the position in front of you." This absolutely means nothing to me! He wants Josh to figure out the moves in his head; Josh tells him he can't do it without moving the pieces. This prompts Bruce to knock the pieces off the board and they clatter onto the floor. A bit overdramatic if you ask me. But after staring at the board for several minutes he gives him the answer, "knight to C8" which pleases Bruce. It pleases him so much that he gives Josh a certificate that he deems is "very rare." It says "Master Chess Certificate awarded to ______ for highest achievement on ______ (date)." Bruce continues to oversell the certificate. He tells him it's only been given out a few times in history and "only to those who achieve a lot of master-class points." This is just a piece of paper; it can't be that significant, but he wants to encourage Josh to earn master class points because it will show that he's learning chess the way Bruce wants him to learn it. 

Speaking of which, Bruce tells Josh's parents that Josh shouldn't be playing chess with Vinnie and the other men in Washington Park. He tells them, "What I'm trying to teach him and what he's learning there are two very different things. Park hustlers play tactics, not position. They rely on wild, unpredictable moves meant to intimidate their opponents. ...It'll cost Josh dearly in real games." Fred was willing to agree to Bruce's terms, but Bonnie refuses because she knows how much it means to Josh and how much he loves playing chess there. Bruce tells her it will make his job harder and she just replies, "So your job's harder." This is the first hint we get where the mother has the kid's interest at heart while the father is more about honing the kid on his skill. 

Fred takes Josh to his first chess tournament (I missed where it was held) and while Josh was swimming at the hotel pool with the other kids who were also there for the tournament, another father asks Fred what his kid's rating is. I guess Fred has no idea what this means (I certainly have no idea what it means!) because he sees a sign that has the number 15 on it and tells him "fifteen" which the other father is amazed by the 1500 rating and tells him he doubts their sons will play against each other because his son, Morgan, isn't even rated 1000 yet. I looked up what a chess player with a rating of 1500 would look like. They would be an intermediate player with 5-6 years of playing the game under their belt. It said a bunch of things that didn't mean anything to me and added that they "will probably need a chess coach to improve further." I'd be curious to know what the rating he really was at that time; he certainly could have been close to 1500! I would definitely be rated a 0! 

At the actual competition, which takes place at a high school gym, the director of the tournament seems to be more concerned about the parents than the kids. He tells the parents they can watch, but he doesn't want any funny business - no throat noises, no comments, no eye contact, nothing where they might be giving a hint or a sign to their child on what to do.  

There's a funny moment where Fred is standing behind Josh, watching him play. Josh's opponent's dad is behind him and he's this big burly guy with his arms crossed, just glaring at Fred. I guess he's trying to intimidate him? Elsewhere, a fight breaks out when a father is accuses of pulling his ear and giving his kid a hint. The man claims he was just scratching it, but like the tournament director told them all, "Nobody cares if you're guilty or not" so all the parents are kicked out of the room and sent downstairs to the locker room (and locked in until the end of the tournament!) All the kids start clapping once the adults are gone and they can finally concentrate. I'm surprised they let the parents stay in the room in the first place. 

This movie is full of big name actors: Joan Allen, Laurence Fishbourne, Ben Kingsley....and we get another one when William H. Macy shows up as the father of the kid who is playing Josh in the final game. (A young Laura Linney will also show up later as Josh's teacher). A random kid keeps running back and forth to tell the parents what's going on in the game. When he finally comes to tell them the game is over, he just walks away and doesn't say who won (um, that's what they're waiting to hear, kid!) It is revealed that Josh won (of course) when he and Fred are on the train traveling back home and a sleeping Josh is clutching a trophy. This leads us to a montage where we see Josh collecting a bunch of trophies as he wins game after game. Their mantle is getting quite full! We also see him building a tower with all the chess pieces which seems kind of impossible. 

Trouble comes in the form of a new kid named Jonathan Poe who is deemed the new Bobby Fischer. Josh sees him playing the old man in the park and it appears that he's an even better player than Josh. I would hope he would be because he's been trained by his chess master, a stuffy elderly man with a beard, since he was four. It seems his parents just gave their son to this chess master (WTF?!) and he does nothing but play chess; he doesn't even go to school. (Again, WTF?!) Good Lord, I can't imagine anything more tedious than having to play chess all the time. All. The. Time! This kid is a chess robot; at least Josh is a normal kid who goes to school and as other interests like baseball and astronomy and building things out of Legos. Poe seems to have a uniform AND a catchphrase. In the three scenes or so we see him (all on different days, mind you) he's always wearing a white polo. He also says "Trick or treat" after he wins a game. I mean, he can't come up with a better or more relevant catchphrase? There's already one built in the game with "Check mate"! 

Seeing that he's not the best anymore and not wanting to disappoint his dad, Josh tells Fred he doesn't want to go to the State Finals. He reasons that if he wins, everyone will be expecting it since he's a top ranked player. And if he loses, he's afraid of what other people will think, especially his dad. (Though he doesn't tell his dad that part). He tells Fred, "Maybe it's better not to be the best. Then you can lose and it's okay." I totally get what he's saying. Being ranked the best at something has to put a lot of pressure on that person. But if nobody is expecting you to win, if you lose, nobody will care and if you DO happen to win, people will probably make a bigger deal because they weren't expecting it! If you're already the best at something, does anybody really care THAT much? Thank God I'm so mediocre so I don't have to worry about this! Josh does go to the State Finals but ends up losing in seven moves; he clearly lost on purpose. 

Bruce sets some new rules for Josh including no more speed chess or games in the park. He knows Josh likes it, but it isn't good for him. He tells Josh they're teaching him all the wrong things. He also asks Josh if he knows what "contempt" means and tells him, "You have to have contempt for your opponents". Josh says he doesn't even when Bruce insists that his opponents hate him, which I seriously doubt since there are seven/eight-year-olds. Josh has the best response when Bruce says, "Bobby Fischer held the world in contempt." (What a shock). He simply replies, "I'm not him." This is pretty much the thesis of the movie: This kid is NOT Bobby Fischer.

At another lesson (this one at Josh's home; I'm confused, sometimes they had lessons at the Waitzkin household and sometimes they had the at the Chess Club; they seemed to be wherever was more convenient for the scene), Josh wants to know how close he is to getting his so-called "very rare" certificate. A frustrated Bruce pulls one out of his briefcase and tells him it doesn't mean anything and starts pulling out many more copies he has and asks him if he wants those too. Geeze, what an a**! Bonnie thinks so too because she tells Bruce to get out of her house. On his way out, he tells her, "To put a child in a position to care about winning and not to prepare him is wrong."

Later that night, Bonnie and Fred get into a fight. Fred agrees with the chess coach and says Josh is in a slump and is afraid of losing. Bonnie retaliates with, "He's not afraid of losing; he's afraid of losing your love." Fred finally sees the light and tells Josh it's okay if he wants to stop playing chess, but Josh tells him he wants to play at the National Finals in Chicago, where, to become the champion, a player must win all seven games.

Even though Bruce was a total jerk to Josh, Fred still invites him to go to Chicago with them. He says he can't go so they end up taking Vinnie instead. It's kind of amusing they take a presumed homeless man with them. But it is kind of sweet and Vinnie was a much better coach to Josh than Bruce ever was. Bruce does end up coming to Chicago and he patches everything up between him and Josh when he gives Josh a framed certificate saying that he "obtained the rank of Grand Master in the eyes of his teacher". He tells Josh he's proud of him and is honored to be his teacher. Aww. 

So it shouldn't surprise anyone that Josh makes it to the seventh and final game and his opponent is Jonathan "Trick or Treat" Poe. Josh's parents, Vinnie, Bruce, and Poe's chess master are all watching the game on a monitor. Right away, Vinnie and Bruce have a disagreement when Bruce doesn't want Josh to bring out his Queen, but Vinnie thinks he should. As usually, I have no idea what's going on. Josh ends up getting Poe's Queen and tells him, "Trick or Treat." I'm sure Poe loved that! 

On the monitor, Bruce sees that Josh can win in 12 steps. (How?!?!  I mean, I guess it is possible to see your moves in advance). We see Josh concentrating on the chess board as we're hearing voiceover from Ben Kingsley telling us the moves he should make as though Josh is hearing what his teacher is telling him the moves he needs to make. Even before he makes a move, Bruce can tell that "he's got it". Being the nice and decent kid he is, Josh offers Poe a draw so they can share the championship. Poe just scoffs at this and Josh tells him, "You've lost; you just don't know it." Poe still doesn't believe him and tells him to look at the board and Josh replies, "I have." He insists on them sharing the title, but Poe still refuse to take his deal and tells him to move. He does and he wins. Yay. 

The movie ends and a few title cards show up, telling us that Josh "still" plays chess and he is "currently" the highest-ranked player in the U.S. under 18. Remember, this movie came out in 1993 so those key words are no longer relevant! And since Bobby Fischer's name is in the title, we get a title card with an "update" on him: "In September 1992, Fischer emerged from secession to challenge his old rival Boris Spassky. After winning, he promptly disappeared again." I guess Bobby Fischer was not a fan of this movie. What a shock.