The Witches are Back

Hocus Pocus 2

Director: Anne Fletcher

Cast: Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker, Kathy Najimy, Tony Hale, Whitney Peak, Belissa Escobedo, Lilia Buckingham

Released: September 30, 2022

It's been twenty-nine years since the Sanderson Sisters have wrecked havoc upon Salem and once again, they are back. Now, if you remember, I watched Hocus Pocus for the first time ever last year. Yep, it took me 28 years to finally watch that movie, but I watched the sequel only a couple days after it was released. It was so easy because all I had to do was reactive my Disney+  subscription. We are so spoiled in the twenty-twenties. All we have to do is click a few buttons on our remote and we're watching a new movie! We don't have to physically get into a car and drive to the movie theater and buy tickets and all that nonsense. However, that being said, there is something sad about this not getting a theatrical release because it's a long-awaited sequel to a beloved cult film. However, I'm perfectly fine watching it at home.

In a weird way, I don't think a sequel for this movie would have worked if it was released two to five years after the first one. Maybe even ten years. Having it (and taking place) twenty-nine years (what? they couldn't wait an extra year to make it an even thirty? Oh, who am I kidding? No one didn't want to wait an extra year! We've all been waiting 29 years for this! Well, I guess I only had to wait one year!) after the first movie gives it enough time where we're introduced to new youngsters who wouldn't have been around when the Sanderson Sisters were resurrected the first time. If someone had tried to resurrect them again after two-ten years afters the events of the first movie, well, that would just be really stupid. Although, if I remember right, really nobody even knew they were resurrected because the witches had bewitched them and the only ones who knew were the three young protagonists. 

The movie starts in 1653 Salem where we see the Sanderson sisters before they become witches. The young actresses they got to play the younger Sanderson sisters did a good job and were really funny. Young Mary even talked out of the side of her mouth and little Sarah was so ditzy! And young Winnifred wasn't much different than the grown Winnifred!

It's Winnie's 16th birthday and she's in a foul mood even though her sisters have surprised her with a sign that says, "Bless-ed Birthe Day" and have made her a treat that looks like jell-o. It's even in one of those jell-o molds. Not sure how they got it in that shape in the seventeenth century! Mary and Sarah tell her they made their concoction by grinding pigs' hooves, mixing it with water and adding a drop of goat's blood. (Eww, wtf?) It made me laugh when Sarah pokes it and exclaims, "It jiggleth!"  I love how they add -eth to words to make them more old-fashioned. 

Winnie is furious because she's been told she's getting old and must marry John Prichett, which has been arranged by the reverend. He knocks on the door, announcing himself, and Winnie tells her sisters to hide. When the reverend tells them to open the door, Sarah calls out, "We're not here!" Hehe. Typical ditzy Sarah. Winnie has to open the door now and not only is the reverend outside her home, but pretty much the whole town. Winnie tells them all she refuses to marry John Prichett and if she were to marry anyone, it would be Billy Butcherson (you may remember him from the first movie, though here we see him as a young man and not a decrepit zombie) because they are "soul mates" as they shared a kiss in the grave yard. Billy would beg to differ, though. 

There's a big uproar as the reverend thinks Winnie is a bad influence on her sisters and wants to take them away. (I'm not sure where their parents are in this scenario. Are they dead? We do get a mention of their dad owning an apothecary shop. Okay, so I looked it up on the Disney Wiki, and, according to that, they are orphans. I guess I missed that little detail). Winnie and her sisters manage to escape to the Forbidden Wood where they meet a witch who can transfer into a raven. She asks the sisters why they came to her woods and Winnie tells her they had to hide or her sisters would be taken away. I laughed when the witch tells them, "Thou art different from the other children I have eat...met." Yeah, not so subtle there. She tells them the woods are a sacred place for witches and they come here to charge their magic. For Winnie's sixteenth birthday (since she's a witch, she knows it's her birthday) she gives her the "Manual of Witchcraft and Alchemy", which, of course is the book with the eye and made of human skin that we saw in the first movie which Winnie refers to simply as "Book". I'm not really sure why this powerful witch gives Winnie this all-powerful book, but I suppose she sees something in her to do so. This is the moment when Winnie and her sisters become witches. 

Winnie looks through the book with her sisters and there's a nice callback to the first movie when they see a spell for cat transfiguration and Mary wants to try that on John Prichett. Of course, they will perform that spell on Thackery Binx forty years later. We see, that even as a young lady, Winnie has always been power hungry. She wants to perform Magicae Maxima, otherwise knows as the Power Spell. It makes a witch all-powerful. The witch tells her it is "frowned upon to perform it" and "doomed is the witch that uses this spell." Okay, if this spell is so bad, why is it even in the book? Who wrote this spell? Before disappearing (or turning into leaves as Sarah thinks), she tells the sisters how lucky they are to have each other and that "a witch is nothing without her coven."

The sisters return to Salem and use the spell book to set fire to the reverend's home and thus is born the Sanderson Sister Witches of Salem. 

Now we're in present day Salem at Samuel Skelton High School where we meet our young protagonists. (Fun fact: Samuel Skelton was the first pastor of the First Church of Salem, the original Puritan church in North America. I know this because I looked it up on Wikipedia). Becca (Whitney Peak) is turning sixteen today (which so happens to be Halloween) and she's planning on having a slumber party with her best friend, Izzy (Belissa Escobedo), where they will watch scary movies and dabble in some witchcraft. This has been Becca's birthday tradition for a long time. 

But, because they are teenagers, we have to throw in some extra drama. There's a third girl who is part of this group, or at least used to be part of it. Cassie (Lilia Buckingham) doesn't hang out with Becca and Izzy anymore and has a boyfriend, Mike, who often makes fun of them. Cassie does still invite them to hang out, but it's only with her and her boyfriend or her new friends. Yeah, that is really annoying when someone invites you to hang out with them, but they also invite their other friends who you either don't know or don't like. Do we need all this drama? Eh, not really.

Cassie tells Becca happy birthday and asks what her plans are which Becca thinks is weird because she knows Cassie knows what she does every year. Izzy takes this to mean that Cassie is hoping that Becca will invite her so when Becca is about to do just that, Mike starts talking about the Halloween party Cassie is throwing for the whole class. My question is, if she wanted to be invited to her friend's birthday which she knows is on Halloween, then why is she throwing a Halloween party? Maybe I'm just reading too much into this.

After school, Becca and Izzy go to the Salem Scare Fest where they come across Cassie's dad, who happens to be the mayor. There's a reelection coming up and he's handing out fliers and we see a billboard with him, his wife (who we never meet in the film), and Cassie on it and the tag line reads, "Traske...Making Salem Better than Ever." That is a terrible tagline. Also, is that supposed to be a dig at MAGA? I mean, they are pretty similar! I was getting Buster Bluth vibes from Mayor Traske, then realized that was because he's played by Tony Hale. We also get a quick mention that Cassie's family line dates back to the witch trials and that the reverend who we met at the very beginning of the movie (also played by Tony Hale) was Reverend Traske and he is an ancestor of Cassie and her family. As you can imagine, this will play a pivotal role later on. 

Mayor Traske is super excited because Sandy's Candy Cauldron is being set up at the festival and he's looking forward to the caramel apples. This is pretty much his only plot point (aside from coming across a few witches), and yeah, it's pretty stupid. They will show some of the caramel apples and they do look pretty amazing with their crushed peanuts and chocolate drizzle, so I can understand why he's looking forward to them! 

Mr. Traske gives the girls some campaign posters to pass out when they go to the Olde Salem Magic Shoppe, which is Becca's favorite shop as it is mentioned she goes there pretty much every week and the owner calls her his favorite customer. I feel like these so-called "magic" shops only exist in movies and TV shows. Wasn't there one in the town of Mystic Falls where The Vampire Diaries was set? Also, there was one on Buffy the Vampire Slayer around the time Willow was dabbling in witchcraft. And wasn't Giles the owner of it? This was after they graduated high school so he wasn't the librarian anymore. Oh my God, what was the name of that store? Half of you are probably screaming the name at me and the other half are probably wondering what the hell I'm talking about. Okay, I looked it up and it was called The Magic Box. Of course it was. I can't believe I couldn't remember that. Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that I've never seen a shop like this in real life; they're only in TV shows where the supernatural run abundant. Of course, it does make sense for Salem to have a novelty store like this since their history is seeped in witch lore. 

The owner calls himself Gilbert the Great and he's telling the story of the Sanderson sisters to the patrons (I guess they have story time at this store?). This is basically just a rehash of what happened in the first movie. Thanks, movie, I appreciate that, but I just read my review of the first movie to remind me what happened. Gilbert mention that the Sanderson sisters were the most powerful coven to ever live thanks to Winnie's Book of Spells. Not to nitpick or anything, but as far as I'm concerned, this is the only coven they have some kind of proof that existed, so of course they're gonna be the most powerful. Again, I'm probably reading too much into this. When he mentions the book, we see the actual book is displayed in a glass case with straps around it like it's in a straight jacket. Someone in the audience comments they really don't want people taking the book and Gilbert replies all that is to keep the book from from escaping. He continues to tell them that twenty-nine years ago someone saw three figures flying across the moon. The same patron who commented about the book (I guess they wanted to give this guy all the lines), says, "Sounds like someone had a little too much candy." This was definitely a nod to the first movie because it's what Dani's mother says to her when Dani tells her the witches are back from the dead and the cat she's holding can talk. I remember thinking it was a weird reply because eating a lot of candy isn't going to make you delusional; it's just going go give you a stomachache. They're acting like eating too much candy is the equivalent of having too much to drink. No, it's not. 

Gilbert reveals, with a flourish, the black flame candle that was lit back in 1993, the very same one that brought back the Sanderson sisters. It's all melted and the same guy who got the previous lines, once again gets another line by thinking this means the witches have been walking around for the past twenty-nine years. Gilbert tells him, "The candle's magic only brings them back for one night. They disappear at sunrise. Okay? Can I just finish this?" I absolutely love his exasperation and I would probably be getting exasperated with this bozo who keeps interrupting and asking questions. 

Finally, someone else gets a line besides that annoying guy and a kid points out if the candle's melted, then no one can light it and the witches can't return. Gilbert agrees with this assessment, unless, of course, there is another black flame candle to light. Gee, I wonder if one will make an appearance? 

Becca plans on buying a crystal, but Gilbert tells her she should get more than that since it's her birthday. He tells her he has a gift for her and presents her with a candle that looks like a big melted goop of wax. Not very attractive at all. At least he gave it to her for free as a birthday present, because I certainly wouldn't pay for that thing. He tells her, "Legend has it, it's on the sixteenth birthday that a witch gets her powers." Hmm, could this be foreshadowing? He also gives her Angelica leaves which you burn to lift curses. (Could this be more foreshadowing?) Apparently, these are free for everybody in the store. What kind of shop is this guy running? You're not going to make any money if you're giving out everything for free. 

Becca and Izzy ride their bikes to the Salem Historical District which was founded in 1626. This, incidentally, is the exact same village where the Sanderson sisters grew up and it's quite a feat these houses are still standing so many centuries later. The girls head to what is the Forbidden Wood (I don't think it has a name in the twenty-first century) and light the candle. Now you could not pay me to go into the woods at night in October (on Halloween, no less). Oh, hell no. I'm honestly surprised their parents let them do this, but since the only parent we meet is Cassie's dad, maybe they aren't even aware of this. 

After the girls light the candle, it ignites a bigger flame than they expected and they freak out and extinguish the candle and are relieved for a nanosecond, but then the candle reignites and they are unable to put it out. That's when they realize it's a black flame candle and they soon hear a female voice singing. Like, that's not creepy. Then it gets very quiet and the ground starts rumbling. It gets very dark so we're not seeing anything on the screen and we get flashes of light and we see the silhouettes of the three witches for a few seconds. 

Yep, the witches are back. Winifred, Mary, and Sarah (Bette Midler, Kathy Najimy, and Sarah Jessica Parker) start singing a song called "The witches are back" set to the tune of Elton John's "The Bitch is Back".  Becca and Izzy realize all the ingredients to bring back the witches (black flame candle lit by a virgin on Halloween) are the reason the Sanderson sisters have appeared before then. 

The girls start to run and the witches are still performing. Becca asks, "Who are the performing for?" and Sarah suddenly pops up face to face with them and exclaims, "You!" That would freak me out! This won't be the last time one of the sisters pop up seemingly out of nowhere in front of the girls. 

Soon, all the sisters are surrounding the girls and without missing a beat, Winnie calls for "Boooooook!" and while we see the book struggling to get free, we see it cannot escape. 

The witches remember being tricked by teenagers last time (well, technically, they were tricked by two teens and one eight-year-old) and this time, they have decided, if any cross their path, they will kill them. It absolutely makes no sense they know the word "teenager" because it most definitely did not exist in the seventeenth century. In face, the word "teenager" wasn't coined until the twenieth century, in the forties. There's no way the Sanderson sisters would have that word in their vocabulary. I'm just going to attribute them knowing about it when they were around in 1993. 

The girls tell them they're actually forty and they look so youthful because they "eat young souls all the time" and they brought the witches back because they're their idols and want to be just like them. Of course, flattering these three witches (especially Winnie) is a great way to distract them as they absolutely love it. Winnie tells them, "Idols? My favorite word. Thou dost worship us? Sayeth more." It cracked me up when Sarah says,"Get in line, get in line." 

Izzy tells them they don't have to brew potions anymore, that they can just buy them and tells them about lotions and serums you can buy at the store that already have the children's souls mixed in. When Sarah asks, "No more luring children to their demise?", she looks absolutely devastated; it is hilarious. Mary, on the other hand, seems to think this is more convenient. She tells the girls, "Oh, that's a great time hack. Thank you kindly." Sarah mutters, "I delighted in the luring. 'Twas my only job." This is such a messed-up thing to say, but it's so funny. 

The girls take them to Wal-Greens and at this point, I'm not really sure what their plan is. I get that they're trying to fool the witches so they don't harm anyone and they can get what they need at this store, but they really don't have a plan of how to escape. There is a funny joke where the witches gasp as they watch the sliding doors part for the two girls. Sarah says, "The gates parted for her. She must be very powerful." I am surprised that this joke wasn't used in the first movie, but I guess they never went anywhere with sliding doors. 

The girls tell the witches the "childrens' souls" are in aisle four (where the lotions are) and as the witches start down the aisle in their synched stride, the girls turn to leave, but suddenly Mary is in front of them, just like that scene earlier where Sarah appeared before them out of nowhere. That would give me a heart attack! They're making sure the girls aren't out of their sight!   

While the witches are preoccupied drinking the lotions and hand creams (hilarious! Mary even eats a face mask at one point), Becca tells Izzy they need to get salt because it will protect them against dark magic. When the witches get distracted, Izzy runs to find some salt. When the sisters see themselves in an unflattering mirror, they freak out because they're all distorted. Winnie stops an employee and demands to know "how many childrens' souls are in those potions?" The poor guy is freaked out, understandably, and tells them "zero". The witches start chasing Becca who finds Izzy who has the salt and they are able to escape from the witches' zaps. 

So Izzy and Becca have finally managed to escape from the Sanderson sisters, but this won't last for long. Winnie decides they need to find the book and brew their potion and the fastest way to do that is to fly. We get a similar scene of the first movie where Winnie is flying on a broom, Sarah on a mop, and Mary on a vacuum. Only this tine the flying floor cleaners have been updated. Winnie still grabs a broom, which is part of a Halloween prop, Sarah grabs a Swiffer (and not just any Swiffer, a Swiffer Wet Jet), and Mary grabs two Roombas that she straps on both feet and exclaims that she's "surfing" and cries, "Cowabunga!" I can tell you with confidence that she would not know either of those words. Again, I'm just going to assume she learned this in 1993. When it comes to mops vs Swiffers, give me a Swiffer any day. I hate mops; they're heavy and gross and I just feel like I'm mopping the floor with a dirty water. Of course, Swiffers are more home-friendly while mops are used more for work/industrial places, which I understand, because using a Swiffer for a large area wouldn't make any sense. I have a Swiffer; I don't have a Swiffer Wet Jet, but if they really do make bubbles like is shown in the movie, then I want one. See how easily amused I am? Now when it comes to vacuums vs Roombas, give me a vacuum. I had a Roomba once upon a time. I think it was fine the first three times, then after that, it was useless. I don't know, maybe I didn't clean it right and it wasn't picking anything up. Anyway, never had one again after that. 

Becca and Izzy come charging into the Magic Shoppe and demand to know where the candle came from and tell Gilbert they have to get the book out of there. Gilbert notices that the book has woken up and is ecstatic about this. He takes it out of the glass case and the book opens and reveals the light so the withes know where to find it. Gilbert exclaims, "I can't believe it worked!" and admits that he tricked the girls into lighting there candle because it wouldn't have worked if he had done it. (Heh.) Becca doesn't understand why he would do this because the Sanderson sisters are evil and he says, "They were ahead of their time and they were misunderstood. Then, the whole world was against them." He says now everybody loves them and gestures his hands at all the Sanderson sister souvenirs people can buy.

The witches appear at that moment. They are happy to be back in their old home (wasn't their old home a museum in the first movie? I wonder how it became a kitschy niche shop?), but realizes it's not the same. Sarah wants to know where the cobwebs and rat tails are. Mary says, "It no longer smells like death. Now, it smells like..." As she's trying to determine what the scent is, Gilbert tells her it's "Clean linen" and that they have a Glade plug-in for that. 

Winnie is ecstatic to see her book that she doesn't even blink twice when Gilbert tells them he's their biggest fan. Mary sniffs out the "two forty-year-old teenagers" and asks Winnie what she should do with them. Winnie gives Sarah the book and says, "Here, hold my book. And don't drop it like you just did." This is hilarious because when Winnie conjured the book to come to her, it dropped before it reached her hand and Sarah had nothing to do with it falling. She's so mean to her sisters! I have to wonder if it was supposed to fall or if it was an accident and Bette Midler just ad-libbed that line.

Winnie tells Mary to throw the two girls in the dungeon and she reveals a secret door in the floor. After they are quite literally tossed into the dungeon, the girls try running up the stairs, but they dissipate into thin air. They overhear Gilbert tell the witches that he's been trying to bring them back ever since he saw them "that night" and that it wasn't a great Halloween for him because some boys stole his candy. Now we all know he's referring to the two '90s bullies who were giving Max a hard time in the first movie. Gilbert tells the sisters he saw them riding on their broomsticks...or other cleaning supplies.....and chased them to the cemetery where he saw them "die." He found Book who was awake and showed him how to make another candle. I'm sorry, this book is just going to let some random kid make another black flame candle? Of course, now that I think about it, he probably didn't create the candle until much later because if he had made it as a child, he would have been able to light the candle and bring them back. So basically he had this book for the past twenty-nine years and was waiting for the perfect time to bring back the witches? I'm so confused. I'm not really sure why he wanted to bring them back. Yeah, he says he idolizes them and that they were misunderstood, but we don't really get a good, solid reason why he wants to bring them back. Only that we want a sequel! 

The campaign posters that Becca and Izzy were handing out earlier catches the eye of Winnie and she recognizes the name Traske and realizes he must be a descendant of the Reverend. She wants herself and her sisters to be the most powerful witches so nothing can stop them: not teenagers (heh), not Traske, not the sun. She decides they will perform the Magicae Maxima. Mary reminds her she promised to never do that spell and Winnie's excuse to ignore it is, "That was 300 years ago. That promised has expired." She tries to open Book to the page of the desired spell, but Book keeps slamming shut. She finally zaps the book and it opens up to the Power Spell. There is a huge BEWARE warning that begins with, "For it is most dangerous..." She says they "have no time for warnings." She reads the directions and ingredients they will need. The incantation needs to be recited seven times in "a most sacred place." Winnie reads they will need "the head of a lover, witch's butter, juice of an aralia berry, one petrified spider, and one drop of thy's enemy blood." That is quite the list! I love how it pretty much implies you'll have to commit murder with the first "ingredient." Luckily, they won't have to because Winnie says they'll just dig up her old lover, Billy Butcherson. Not sure what witch's butter is and have never heard of an aralia berry. I guess it grows mostly in the eastern U.S. which explains why I'm not familiar with it. 

Mary says with glee, "Don't you love it when the recipe requires blood?" This is a nice nod to the beginning of the movie, when, as a child, she excitedly tells Winnie they made the "jell-o" with goat's blood. Winnie asks Gilbert if he has the Sanderson hourglass. He makes a big show of thinking, then tells them he doesn't have it. Mary tells him that's not a problem and since he doesn't have it, "We'll just have to kill thee." I laughed when he said, "Oh, you said "hourglass" with an "h". Yes, that I do have, actually. I think I misheard you when you said it before." 

At that moment, his black cat, Cobweb, jumps up and all the witches thinks it's Thackery Binx and are about to kill it. This doesn't make any sense because wouldn't they remember the spell they cast on Thackery wouldn't let him die? We saw that cat get ran over by a bus and he was still fine. The only reason he did die was because the curse was broken. The cat is able to run away when Gilbert distracts them by showing them the hourglass. Winnie creates a spell on the hourglass and calls it a binding contact. She tells Gilbert, "You shall gather all the ingredients and bring them to the Forbidden Wood and we shall sniff out the blood of our enemy. If you fail, you forfeit your life with the last grain of this sand." 

Izzy's line to Becca, "Don't freak out, but the idea of a vengeful maniac obsessed with getting revenge on Salem becoming an invincible, all powerful, vengeful maniac obsessed with getting revenge on Salem sounds very bad for Salem!" is very funny, but doesn't make sense for her to say this to Becca because I think she would realize this. It feels like she's mostly saying this for the viewers. 

The girls call Cassie to warn her, but the witches have also hexed their phones so Cassie can't hear or see them. They don't know what to do, but then Izzy remembers the Angelica leaves that "lift curses" and they use that so the stairs appear again, and what do you know, it works! 

The witches go to the Scare Fest to find the mayor and we see the Roombas following them, like little obedient dogs. They see people bobbing for apples and this delights them to no end because they think they are being drowned. I can understand why they would think that because there's some guy holding the heads of the two people who are bobbing. I don't understand why you would need to have somebody holding your head while you're bobbing for apples; this makes no sense to me. I have only bobbed for apples once, as a wee child, and I just remember it's impossible to grasp an apple with just your mouth. One guy comes up with an apple and Winnie says, "He has an apple in his mouth. Perhaps they're gonna roast him on a spit." Oh, man, that was so funny. The writers must have had so much fun with this movie. 

Once the girls escape, Becca calls Mr. Traske to tell him his daughter is throwing a party at his house and he freaks out and leaves. I guess the idea was just to get him away from the Scare Fest since she knew the witches would be looking for him there. They try to get the book to keep it out of the witches' hands, but it refuses to go with them. They decide they need to get to the Traske house before the witches do. 

Winnie, Mary and Sarah come across a Sanderson sister costume contest with drag queens and I nearly spit out my drink with the host tells them, "Looking good, fellas. Very authentic." When asked what their stage name is, Winnie says they call themselves, "The Originals." When the winning group is about to be announced, Winnie tells her sisters to look surprised, but another group who calls themselves The Sandersonettes, ends up winning. Sarah is bouncing around, all happy thinking she won, and exclaiming, "We won! We won!" Winnie is pissed and takes the trophy and the audience starts booing. Winnie tells the audience, "People of Salem, we have come for the blood of thy Mayor." One of the drag queens gets excited and thinks they're "doing a bit." 

The witches put the audience under a spell by singing "One Way or Another" and has them lead them to the mayor. I thought it was an interesting song since it's not really witch-related. In the first movie, they sang "I Put a Spell on You", so that makes sense. I guess "One Way or Another" does work as they're singing what they mean: "One way or another, I'm gonna getcha, getcha, getcha." However, the residents of the town are walking too slow (like zombies...also if the witches were the ones to put a curse on them, you'd think they wouldn't have them going so slow!), so they decide to find the mayor themselves. There's a completely meta scene where Winnie flies past a house where a couple is watching the original movie. It's a scene with Garry and Penny Marshall where he's dressed as a devil. Okay, this makes no sense, but here's the theory I'm going with: in this universe, the original Hocus Pocus came out in 1995. There's no way it could have come out in 1993 like the original because the events this movie is based on HAPPENED in 1993, so they couldn't make a Hollywood movie in that short of time, ergo, Hocus Pocus that is shown in Hocus Pocus 2 came out circa 1995. Okay, I really need to stop before I give myself a headache. (Too late!) 

At another house, we see a young kid in his bedroom and Mary pops up right outside his window. He screams, then Mary screams. Oh my God, that would care the sh*t out of me! 

Becca and Izzy get to Cassie's house who's not happy with them for ratting her out. When they ask her where her dad is, she tells the he went back to the festival to get his caramel apple. Their plan certainly worked like a charm. (That was sarcasm, in case you couldn't tell).

The girls see the witches and they enter the house to hide. When the witches enter the house, Winnie tells them to spread out and look for Traske. Sarah takes this quite literally and starts to spread her arms and legs across the foyer. This prompts Winnie to tell her, "Be serious" which prompts a Siri device to speak up and say, "Sorry, I didn't quite catch that." Now when I first watched this (without the subtitles), I thought it was an Alexa that spoke and was confused why she turned on since nobody said her name, but watching it with the subtitles it confirms it's a Siri. Do Siris come in devices like Alexas? I thought Siris were just embedded in phones and computers. This joke doesn't really work for me. Not because I'm pretty sure that was an Alexa, but because it wasn't really funny. The witches think there's a "small woman trapped inside that box" and they run away, screaming. 

They find Becca "hiding" in the garage (and when I say "hiding", I mean, she's just standing in plain sight), but before they can kill her, she quickly tells them she has the only Aralia berry juice left in Salem and shows them a water bottle that's only about a quarter full. She tells them to let her go or she will pour it out. While the witches are distracted, her friends pop out and pour salt in a big circle around them so they can't harm anyone with their magic. 

I just love how ditzy and dumb Sarah is. With the three girls standing right there, she tells her sisters, "Let us bewitch them with song and lure thee into setting us free." Winnie snaps at her, "Next time, do not tell people we wish to bewitch that we are about to bewitch them!" Bwah! 

While girls are outside talking, Mr. Traske comes home and opens the garage door. He sees the Sanderson sisters and assumes they were there for Cassie's party and is wondering why "the Gothic Golden Girls" are in his garage. The girls just leave the witches hanging out in the garage with the door open and the Roombas come by and start cleaning up the salt. I will say this was a clever idea they (the writers) came up with. I laughed when Mary tells Winnie to look and Winnie says, "I cannot. My eyes have misted over with the tragic tears of a lifetime of failure." I just love how dramatic she is. 

The witches grab Cassie since they know she is a Traske, so she will work just as well as her father. As they fly away, Becca and Izzy chase after her and some kind of blue lightning is zapping from Becca's hand; something that has never happened before. But there's no time to worry about that now because she needs to help her friend. 

On his quest to find all the ingredients, Gilbert first digs up Billy Butcherson (Doug Jones). When Billy is told the Sanderson sisters are back, he wants nothing to do with whatever's going on and starts to go back to his grave. Gilbert lies to him and tells him he's going to kill the sisters for good and needs Billy's help to collect the items. Billy wants to clear the air because everyone thinks he was Winnie's lover, but turns out he just shared one kiss with her (the one we heard about at the beginning of the movie). Gilbert tells him if he helps him get everything on the list, he will tell everyone the truth and Billy agrees to this. I mean, really, do people in twenty-first century Salem really care that much? Once he has gathered most of the stuff, he comes back to the Magic Shoppe to see the hourglass is almost up and tries to cheat the system by turning it, but Winnie has bewitched it so it will remain the same no matter which way he turns it. Billy catches him and realizes that Gilbert has been cursed and accuses him of helping the Sanderson sisters. Gilbert manages to take his head and goes to the graveyard to meet the sisters now that he has all the ingredients for the spell. 

Winnie calls for the book which comes flying to her. She uses her sharp fingernail to scrape Cassie's neck to get the blood of her enemy. Ouch! That looked so painful. I cringed watching that. Mary even comments, "Ooh, that's gotta hurt." I'm surprised Cassie didn't have more of a reaction. 

Winnie and her sisters start reciting the incantation and Becca's hands start glowing again. Izzy comes with the conclusion that she must be a witch because it's her 16th birthday. Sure, makes sense to me. Witches exist in this universe. I guess it's only three hundred years the town of Salem has a witch. She asks Becca if she thinks she can use her magic to stop the witches and save Cassie and Becca replies, "I guess we're gonna find out." She interrupts the sisters' chant while Izzy unties Cassie and helps her escape. (Oh yeah, the witches have tossed Gilbert aside so he's somewhere in the woods right now). Becca starts a zap fight with the sisters only to realize she's severely outmatched. Winnie tells her she's against "the most powerful coven in history" and is about to zap Becca when Cassie throws a pinecone at the witches and tells them that she (Becca) has her own coven. 

Becca says, "You don't have to do this spell. I know it may not feel like it, but you have a choice." Winnie thinks she is talking to her, but she is saying this to the book who has its own opinions. Becca holds out her hands and the book flies to her and she runs off with it. She reunites with her friends and asks Book if there's anything she can do. The book flips open to the warning page of the Power Spell where it warns the user of the spell if they want to claim all the power, "a price must be paid. What is valued most dearly, thou shall have to trade." 

The witches come flying overhead and zaps them and Becca protects herself and her friends with an invisible force shield, but the sisters are too powerful and she can't hold them off much longer. Izzy remembers reading "the power's meant to be shared" from the book and tells Becca to give her hand. The three girls clasp hands with each other and hold up their free hand to keep up the invisible shield. It's a little awkward. I feel like this would be much easier if they could hold up both hands, but they have to hold hands for the power to work. 

The witches are unable to obtain the book and Winnie tells the girls she does not need a book to perform her spell and she and her sisters continue to go on reciting the incantation. (I wonder if they have to start over or if the incantations they already recited counts as the seven they need to recite). Becca tells her friends they need to warn them about the warning. Unfortunately, they're too late. They hear Winnie putting the final touches on the spell where she says, "Underneath this full moon light, I sacrifice my love tonight." Now that they're all-powerful, the flame on the candle has got out and they are amazed they are still alive. The sisters are celebrating and laughing and zapping their witchy powers around. This is when Becca tells Winnie the Power Spells takes what she values most and Sarah's and Mary's hands and arms start turning into glitter dust. They seem to accept their fates as Mary tells Winnie to never forget them and adds, "I know I was your favorite" and makes a "Shhh" gesture even though Sarah is literally right there next to her. Hilarious. Winnie is devastated when her sisters evaporate into thin air and fondly remembers them as her "passionate partners in unholy mischief." 

Here, is where we get a sudden character change from Winnie. She asks Becca for her help, tearfully, almost begging. The Winnie we know would never this. She would have just killed the girls and took the book. But here, after Becca has found a spell for reuniting and will be able to send Winnie to be with her sisters, Winnie is thanking her and telling the three friends how lucky they are to have each other. This brings it back to the beginning when the witch Winnie and her sisters meet as young girls tell them the same thing. I don't know, I just don't like how they softened Winnie's character, but I guess they needed a quick way to end her storyline. 

The movie ends with the girls walking home and they start doing the Sanderson sister shuffle and they start giggling and exclaiming, "What are we doing?" The way they do it just feels so forced and awkward, it doesn't come naturally like when the actual Sanderson sisters do it. Also, it doesn't make sense Cassie would know it because she wasn't in the Wal-Greens where Becca and Izzy saw them doing it.

I can see Disney + making a show about these three girls and their witchy powers. Now if they made a series about the Sanderson sisters as young girls in 1600s Salem, I would be way more likely to watch that. 

Happy Halloween, everybody!

Witchy Women

Hocus Pocus

Director: Kenny Ortega

Cast: Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker, Kathy Najimy, Thora Birch, Omri Katz, Vinessa Shaw

Released: July 16, 1993 

Can you believe this is the first time I've ever seen this movie? Yes, I'm shocked too, especially since I would have been in the right age demographic when this came out - I was right between the ages of the brother and sister characters. I never knew what this movie was about, really. Obviously, I knew Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker, and Kathy Najimy play witches. I didn't know Thora Birch and Vinessa Shaw were in this until the last year, probably! I didn't even know who Vinessa Shaw was until I reviewed the terrible movie Ladybugs earlier this year (and yes, the spelling of her name still bugs me!) 

I made a prediction that this movie would either be about three bad witches who learn a lesson and end up turning into good witches or that they would start off as good, but were misunderstood by the townspeople, and the townspeople would learn a lesson about treating people poorly who are different than them. Yeah, nope, neither of those predictions were correct. They are straight up bad witches...who stay bad during the course of the film! 

The movie begins in 1693 Salem (but of course; where else would a trio of witch sisters live?) where we are introduced to the Sanderson sisters: there's the eldest sister, the buck-toothed Winifred aka Winnie (Midler) who is the clear ringleader of the group and wears green; Mary (Najimy), who talks out of the side of her mouth (now that's a talent!), and has a knack for smelling children and wears red; and Sarah (Parker), who is the ditzy blonde who likes the male attention and wears purple. Everyone is great in their role and Najimy and Parker give great comedic physical performances. Midler shows us she's a true National Treasure by really sinking her teeth into this meaty role (and wearing those prosthetic front teeth could not have been pleasant or easy to talk with!) and she recites her lines in the most over the top way with lots of trills and an exaggerated cadence. 

A boy named Thackery Binx, no older than fifteen, finds his younger sister, Emily, missing. He realizes the Sanderson sisters have taken her and spies her sitting inside their home. This girl does not seem to be very scared or even concerned that three witches have captured her and are about to kill her, but maybe they put a trance on her so that's why she looks so blasé about the whole thing. Yeah, that's what I'm going with. 

Thackery is watching the witches brew a potion in their cauldron from upstairs. He has snuck in by climbing a water wheel from outside. I laughed when Winnie says they need a dead man's toe and tells Sarah to get one "and make it a fresh one." They have a bowl full of toes (ewww), but I don't exactly know how "fresh" they all are! They are brewing a potion they will feed to Emily who will then emit a life force they will be able to suck from her, which will make them all young. Winnie says "One drop of this and her life will be mine - I mean, ours." Clearly she is only looking out for numero uno.

Right when the witches give Emily the potion Thackery tries to thwart them and tips over the cauldron. He's about to save Emily (who still doesn't seem to be in any hurry to escape; so she MUST have been bewitched), but Winnie knocks him out with her magic. The witches notice the spell has worked and Winnie must have been feeling generous because she joins hands with her sisters so they can all suck the life out of Emily. 

The sisters suddenly become youthful looking (in other words, the old age make up that was on the three actresses is no longer applied on them) and Sarah exclaims, "We're young!" I laughed when Winnie looks at herself in a mirror and replies, "Well...younger. But it's a start!" I wouldn't be surprised if Bette Midler ad-libbed that line since she's twelve years older than Kathy Najimy and twenty years older than SJP. 

Elatedly, Winnie tells them they will be young and beautiful forever and has plans to brew more of the potion and pretty much suck the life out of every child in Salem. By this time, Thackery has woken up to see what they have done to his sister and when the witches want to brew another batch with him in mind, he tells them there's not enough children in Salem to make them young and beautiful and calls them all hags. Winnie says, "Sisters! Did you hear what he called you?" I just love how she's like, I certainly wasn't who he was talking about! 

For that remark, they decide they need to find the worst punishment for him and Winnie opens her spell book (a gift from Satan, which has an eye that opens and closes on the cover, but that's not even the creepiest thing about the book; no the creepiest thing is that the book is made of human skin!) Winnie declares, "His punishment shall not be to die...but to live forever with his guilt!" The witches recite a spell that turns him into a black cat.

The townspeople come banging at the door and the next scene is the three sisters about to be hanged. (I guess they found Emily's lifeless body in their cottage). Thackery's father asks Winnie what she has done with his son.  She tells him, "I don't know...cat's got my tongue!" All the sisters start laughing and I start laughing too. 

We get a bit of foreshadowing when the spell book drops to the ground and opens up to a page entitled "Spells to Resurrect the Dead" and there's one called "Black Flame Candle Spell." This will come back later. The witches will be able to come back from the dead if the black flame candle is lit by a virgin on Halloween. The witches are hanged (we see a nice shot of Winnie's green and black striped stockings...very Wicked Witch of the West) and the townspeople head home. It's very sad because Thackery, as a cat, tries to get his father's attention by meowing and rubbing against his leg but his father just kicks the poor cat away and tells him, "Away, beast!" DUDE. You just hanged three witches, your son is missing, and this black cat (totally synonymous with witches) is trying to get your attention. Put the pieces together, dude!

The movie transfers to "present day" 1993 (that's 300 years later if you're keeping count) to a high school class in Salem (still Massachusetts; not the capital of Oregon!) where a teacher has been telling the story of the Sanderson sisters to her class. She adds that some people believe on Halloween, a black cat stands guard at the Sanderson house, "warning off any who might make the witches come back to life." Everyone in this class is totally into this story and believes the legend of the Sanderson sisters. Everyone that is, except a kid named Max Dennison (Omri Katz), about fourteen or fifteen and who has recently moved to Salem from L.A. and he hates his new home. Everyone boos him when he tells them he doesn't believe in this malarky (excuse me, hocus pocus!) and tells them Halloween was invented by the candy corporations. The girl he has a crush on, Allison (Shaw), informs him that "Halloween is based on the ancient feast called All Hollow' Eve - the one night of the year where the spirits of the dead can return to Earth." All the students and teacher are clapping and cheering her and giving her high fives because she just schooled him and it's so ridiculous. Look, I've never been to Salem and I don't know anybody from Salem, but I doubt the residents are like, "Whoo! We persecuted and killed people because we thought they were witches! Go us!" Though, I guess in their defense, there were really witches who lived back then. 

 Max comes home in a bad mood because he gave Allison his number, but she gave it right back to him, then later he runs into these two bullies (one of them is wearing a leather jacket and has a flannel shirt tied around his waist and the other has the word "ICE" (his nickname) shaved in the back of his head. They are the most '90s Disney bullies ever) and they steal his cool new kicks.

We meet Max's younger sister, Dani (Birch), about eight years old, who is hiding in Max's closet andwatches as he lays on his bed, hugging his pillow and pretending it's Allison. (I guess he doesn't hate everything about his new town!) Dani jumps out of the closet, scaring him (though he's probably more embarrassed than scared). Their parents are going to a Halloween party and Dani tells Max he has to take her trick-or-treating. Even though it's still daylight, she's all ready to go in her witch's costume. Max isn't into this at all because he just wants to stay home and mope, but he has no other choice. He's wearing jeans, a sweatshirt and jacket, sunglasses (don't ask me why when it's dark outside), and a baseball cap. His dad asks him what he's supposed to be and he replies, "A rap singer." So either the word "rapper" was not yet a thing in 1993 or the script was written by an 80-year-old. I'm going with the latter. I think it would have made more sense if his dad had said to him, "What are you supposed to be? A rap singer?" His dad moves his hat so the brim is on the side. 

While trick-or-treating, Max sees the two bullies and a few of their friends, smashing pumpkins and stealing candy from kids. He tries to get Dani to go another way, but Dani isn't scared of the older boys because she's got her big brother with her. One of the bullies asks Max if he's supposed to be a New Kid on the Block and laughs hysterically, and okay, I'll give them that; that was kind of funny. But then, when Dani informs them he's a Little Leaguer (where did she get that from? He's not even wearing a baseball uniform), Ice pretends to hit a fly ball while Leather Jacket (don't remember his name) shades his eyes as though he's watching it. They both laugh HYSTERICALLY over this and give each other a double high five, up top. I'm laughing too because it's absolutely ridiculous that they think this is so funny. Max and Dani are able to get away by Max giving them their candy. He's not very happy with Dani for getting them in this situation and they bicker and Dani cries, then they apologize and everything is good for the moment.

They come across a house that is just a perfectly normal-sized two-story house. It is a nice house for a middle class family, but it's not the mansion they're acting like it is. Turns out it's the home of Allison whose parents are throwing an elaborate 18th century party. Allison is wearing one of those 18th century gowns with the bodice, but she's not wearing the proper undergarments underneath it, so her dress doesn't poof out in an authentic way; instead it just lays flat on her body. I guess they were like, eff it, this girl will only be in this costume for less than five minutes, it doesn't really matter how authentic it looks. 

Allison tells them she's on candy duty and asks them if they want some apple cider. We get a really inappropriate exchange when Allison tells Dani she likes her costume and Dani tells her the same. She says she wouldn't be able to wear it beccause she doesn't have any "yabos" and tells Allison that Max likes her "yabos"; "in fact, he loves them." The f***? I get that Dani is trying to embarrass her brother, but why is she embarrassing poor Allison, too? (She just sort of laughs it away.) Also, how does Dani know this? Did she hear her brother tell his pillow he was pretending was Allison that he loves her yabos while Dani was hiding in his closet? 

The conversation turns to the Sanderson sisters and we learn that Allison's mother used to run the museum (their old home which is still standing all these 300 years later!) dedicated to them, but it was shut down because "a lot of spooky things happened there." We never learn exactly what these spooky things were. Max suggests they all go check it out and Allison agrees and goes upstairs to change. Dani doesn't want to go because she's heard about the spooky things from her classmates. Max tells her if she does this for him, he'll do anything she wants. He is treading in murky water because she gets an evil grin on her face and tells him next Halloween she wants them to go together as Peter Pan and Wendy. "With tights or it's no deal." Max quickly agrees to this. How much do you want to bet that Max didn't follow up with this deal? He already got what he wanted by spending the evening with his crush, excuse me "the girl of [his] dreams"; it's no skin off his back if he conveniently "forgets" about this deal. 

They reach the museum which is covered in cobwebs and dust. It literally looks like it hasn't been touched inthe 300 years since the sisters have been gone even though it now has modern amenities like a light switch and a postcard swivel stand. There are also plaque cards by certain objects. Max reads one about the Black Flame Candle: "Legend says that, on a full moon, it will raise the spirits of the dead when lit by a virgin on Halloween night." He wants to light the candle with a lighter he found and bring the "old broads" back, but clearly doesn't believe it will happens and calls it "just a bunch of hocus pocus." A black cat jumps on him from out of nowhere, knocking him out of the way of the candle. This does not deter Max and he nonchalantly lights the candle anyway and the house begins to shake as thought there's an earthquake and all the lights go out before the door opens revealing the three witches. The three kids hide, but Dani is quickly detected by Mary who sniffs her out. They're about to push her into the cauldron, but Max tries to stop them. While Winnie uses her magic to restrain him, Allison grabs a broom and whacks her. The cat jumps on her and a bunch of commotion is going on. Max gets them to back off by telling them he's conjuring "The Burning Rain of Death" where he sets the sprinklers off by lighting the lighter. 

The cat tells Max to grab the spell book and this is the first time we see the cat can talk. Of course, this is Thackery Binx, living out his eternal life as a cat. He goes by Binx now (because Thackery is a stupid name for a cat, probably). Now you may be wondering why he just didn't tell his dad he was a cat when he was trying to get his attention all those years before, but my theory is he hadn't learned to speak as a cat yet and now he's had all this time to evolve. Although, I'm pretty sure it's physically impossible for a cat to speak human words (even one who used to be human), but let's not get into semantics. For some reason, the three kids (with the spell book) and Binx run to the graveyard. Great place to be on Halloween night with three witches after you. Max tries to burn the book, but of course it's protected by magic. 

Winnie realizes it's just regular water falling from the ceiling (and ditzy Sarah opens her mouth to drink it) and tells them to follow her. They run outside, but halt quickly when they see a black asphalt road thinking it's a black river. Winnie and Mary push Sarah into to see how deep it is, but Sarah is able to stand on the "river" and announces, "'Tis firm!" and they are able to continue on their way. Winnie tells her sisters (but mainly the viewing audience so we can have some exposition), "The magic that brought us back only works tonight, on All Hallows' Eve. When the sun comes up, we're dust. Fortunately, the potion I brewed the night we were hanged would keep us alive and young forever. Unfortunately, the recipe for that potion is in my spell book, and the little wretches have stolen it." As long as they find the book, brew the potion, and suck the lives out of the children of Salem before sunrise, then they'll be fine. "Otherwise, it's curtains! We evaporate!" Not to get into semantics again, but doesn't Halloween end at midnight? When the sun rises the next day, it will be November 1st! Oh, well. 

The go to the graveyard where Winnie resurrects her old lover, Billy Butcherson, who she killed herself by poisoning him and sewing his mouth shut with a needle so he "couldn't tell her secrets even in death" She killed him because she found him "sporting" with Sarah. She wants him to go after the kids, but they are quick to get away from him when Max snaps a branch in front of his face and his head falls off his body and while he's wasting time finding it, the kids escape in a tunnel that leads to the sewer. 

The witches get on a bus with a bus driver who should be fired because he's acting like a creep to them and coming on to them pretty strongly. Mary smells children so they get off at the next stop where many kids are trick-or-treating, but the witches are confused because they don't realize those are children in costumes. They see a guy dressed as the devil come out of his house and they exclaim, "Master! He loves that these three women are dressed as the Sanderson sisters and invites them inside. This is a little weird that this guy is inviting three women inside his house when his wife is inside. It's also a little weird that this husband and wife are played by real life siblings Garry and Penny Marshall. While the sisters are inside the house, three young girls dressed as the Sanderson sisters see the brooms the real Sanderson sisters left outside and take them. 

There's really no reason for this scene with the Garry and Penny Marshall cameo, (Bette Midler must have called in a favor since Garry directed her in Beaches), but I did laugh when Winnie goes into the kitchen, picks up a mallet, and exclaims, "Behold! A torture chamber!" I can see someone from the 17th century thinking that about a kitchen: there are sharp objects, hot objects, weird electronic devices. When the wife sees Sarah dancing with her husband, she chases the women out (well, really her little terrier chases them out) and Winnie figures out that really wasn't their master and declares the costumed figures are actually children.  

The kids decide to go to the party their parents are at to find them and tell them what's going on. It was a bit odd that they had no idea what their parents' costumes were. Their dad is Dracula, or "Dadcula" as he tells Max to call him. Dani finds their mom who is dressed as Madonna with a blonde wig and a cone bra. Maybe it's a good thing their parents (especially the mom) didn't tell their kids about their costumes so they wouldn't embarrass them! Dani tells her mom (with a very straight face, I might add), "[Max] lit the Black Flame. The withes are back from the dead, and they're after us. We need help." She also adds that the cat she's holding can talk. Her mom asks her how much candy she's had. I don't think that a lot of candy is really going to affect a person that much except give them a major stomachache. 

The witches find their way to the party and Max sees them and makes an announcement about them and how dangerous they are and they're after everyone's children. The crowd laughs, thinking it's a big funny joke. They also love it when the sisters sing "I Put a Spell On You". 

Allison gets an idea and the kids lure the witches to the high school into a kiln. I'm not really sure how they lured them there...we hear a tape playing of a French lesson and for some reason this entices the witches to find out where it's coming from. I don't really know much about kilns. I'm not sure how big they typically are, but this one is big enough for all of them to walk into. The kids lock the door and proceed to burn them alive and we see green smoke escaping from the chimney. I'm looking at the time stamp and there is still half an hour left of the movie, so I know more shenanigans are to be had! After burning the witches, the kids are outside the school, cheering and doing cartwheels. This reaction is a bit extreme considering they just burned three people alive. I realize they were trying to kill Dani (and other children) and killed little Emily 300 years ago so I'm sure they felt they got justice for Binx, but look, we we just shot Bin Laden; it's not like we burned him alive. Their reaction of jubilance is a bit much.

Binx tells Max he's wanted to do that for 300 years, since they took Emily away from him. After telling Max to take good care of Dani, he starts to run in the opposite direction, but Max tells him he's a Dennison now and can live with them. They all go to the Dennison house where they hang out in Max's room; Dani and Binx on the bed and Max and Allison sitting on the steps. Oh, did I mention that Max has steps in his room? Yeah, they lead up to a widow's walk. Um, like how cool is that? Why is he complaining about his new town when he has a super cool room that leads to a widow's walk?? You know Dani is moving into that room after Max goes to college!

Dani tells her new pet, "You'll have milk and tuna fish every day. And you'll only hunt mice for fun." (Earlier, Binx had told them he hunted mice in the sewer). Milk and tuna fish sounds like a disgusting combination (though I think anything with milk (with the exception of chocolate) is disgusting). Sidenote: don't give your cat milk; give them water. There was also an earlier incident where poor Binx gets flattened by a bus when they come out of the sewer (the same bus the sisters were on) and yes, it was very traumatizing for both poor Dani and me! Binx is able to inflate himself back to life and he tells Dani and the others about his curse; that he can't die and will live forever. This is why when Binx cuddles with Dani she tells him, "I'll always take care of you. My children will always take care of you. And their children after that. And theirs after that." He starts purring and it's so sweet. There's nothing better than cuddling with a purring kitty! And it's also sad because poor Binx is going to have to watch all the people he loves and who takes care of him die one after the other while he lives on. Though, I won't lie, I was a little jealous that Dani's cat will never die. My cat is in his senior years and it makes me so sad that he only has a few years left of his life; the majority of his life has already passed and it's like, where did the time go? I still remember bringing him home in my car in his little cardboard box with the holes poked in it from the Humane Society! 

Allison ends up falling asleep at the Dennison house (both she and Max falls asleep on the stairs which can not be comfortable!) When she realizes it's five am, she tells Max she should go since her parents will kill her. They're probably worried sick about her! If it's five am, her parents' party probably ended hours ago and, yeah, they're probably wondering where their daughter is! But she quickly forgets about going home when she gets sidetracked when they see Binx snuggling up to Dani and Max tells her, "We owe him a lot." Allison gets the idea to look through the spell book (yep, still in in their possession) and see if they can find a spell that will reverse the curse. Max reminds her that Binx warned them not to open the book, but Allison just replies, "The witches are dead. What harm can it do?" 

Plenty, Allison, plenty. You see, ALLISON, the witches aren't actually dead. Somehow, being burned alive didn't kill them...or maybe those kids don't know how to work a kiln, who knows? We see the door open and the three sisters walk out of the kiln with disheveled hair. There isn't even a trace of ash or soot on them.

They return to their home and Winnie is trying to remember the potion from memory since they don't have the book. She says she remembers that Sarah was "dancing idiotically over there", which Sarah hilarious reenacts her for. When Winnie is trying to remember one of the key ingredients, she just can't quite get it. Is it dead man's nose?  Dead man's thumb? Dead man's gum? Sarah jumps in excitedly with, "Dead man's toes!", but Winnie just tells her to hush. 

It's no use, Winnie can't remember the recipe for the potion and she starts sobbing and tells Mary in the most dramatic way, "This is the end, I feel it. We are dooooooomed. I feel the icy breath of death upon my neck." She requests that Mary take her to the window because, "I wish to say goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye, cruel world. Goodbye to life. Goodbye to all that."

Well, it just so happens that when Allison and Max opened the spell book, it shot a stream of red light right out of the widow's walk, illuminating where the book is and Winnie's tune quickly changes from depressed to ecstatic. She tells Mary, "We fly!"  Mary isn't sure what they're going to fly on since all their brooms were stolen, but they open the supply closet and Winnie flies on a broom, Sarah flies on a mop, and Mary flies on a vacuum. I guess the criteria is that witches have to fly on something that cleans floors! Where is the Swiffer? That's what I would ride! 

I must say the practical effects they used for the flying scenes look pretty realistic. I'm not sure how they did it, but props to the special effects department for this movie. 

While Max and Allison are reading the book, they find out if they surround themselves with a circle of salt, they are protected from the witches' powers. Of course, this is going to come up later, but it's kind of weird they're even mentioning this because, as far as they know, the witches are dead and they don't need to protect themselves from them. 

Max checks his parents' room to see if they're home, but they're not. How is it five am and the parents still aren't home? Is it because Winnie cast a spell at the party telling everyone to, "Dance until they die?" (Which she did, but I didn't think anyone was going to take literally!) Why haven't they shown us shots of the parents at the party, still dancing to show us why they're still not home? 

While Max and Allison are in the kitchen getting salt (I guess you can never be too prepared), we see a creepy shot of a long fingernail cutting through the screen. The older kids hear a crash from upstairs and run up to check on Dani. She looks like she's laying in the bed, under the covers, but when the covers are pulled off, Sarah is lying in the bed. I have to admit, that reveal scared me because I wasn't expecting it! The closet door opens to reveal Winnie and Mary hiding with Dani and the book. They take Dani, Binx, the book, and shoot through the widow's walk, just leaving a huge gaping hole. I'm sure the Dennison parents are going to love to pay for that! 

There's a cool shot of the silhouette of three witches flying over Salem where you can see the coastline and a lighthouse flashing its light. 

Not sure if this movie is a musical, but we had the witch sisters singing "I Put a Spell On You" and now we get another musical number where Sarah sings a song to lure the children to them: "Come, little children, I'll take three away into a land of enchantment." As she sings this sing, we see kids, walking like zombies, toward the Sanderson home. Some are in their pajamas and some are still in their costumes. At five am? Why? Some kids are even in their pajamas with elements of their costume. The witches have tied Dani up in a chair and Binx is tied up in a bag while they brew the potion.

Allison and Max get an idea to fool the witches into thinking the sun has come up (even though there's still probably another hour before the sun actually comes up). They drive to the Sanderson house (I guess it's one of Max's parents' car; I don't think they just jacked this car from off the street) and right before the sisters are about to feed Dani the potion, Max bursts in and tells Winnie there's something called Daylight Saving Time, then Allison turns on the car's headlights, making the witches think the sun is coming up and they hide for cover. This gives Max time to get Dani and Binx out of there and he kicks over the cauldron with the potion. Very similiar to the first scene when Thackery knocks over the potion. 

The witches realize they've been duped and Winnie inspects the caldron, declaring there's just enough potion left "for one child" and pours the potion into a vial. Even though the children they've summoned are still walking towars their home in a trance, Winnie has her sights set on Dani as payback since she called Winnie ugly while Winnie was brewing the potion and lauding how she was going to be young and beautiful forever. Dani told her, "It doesn't matter how young or old you are! You sold your soul! You're the ugliest thing that's ever lived and you know it!" The look Bette Midler gives Thora Birch in this scene is absolutely hilarious. Needless to say, Winnie does not like being called "ugly" and she tells Dani that she'll be the first to die. And Winnie plans to keep that promise! 

The kids drive to the graveyard with the witches following them on their flying cleaning supplies. (Again, what is with the graveyard setting?) They run into Billy who takes the pocketknife that Max threatens him  with to cut open the stitches in his mouth. He is finally able to tell Winnie off and Max realizes this zombie is on their side. 

Max and Allison put Dani in the grave that Billy was in (because that's not creepy at all) and create a circle of salt around her to protect her. When the witches show up, Billy tells Winnie to go to hell and she replies with, "Oh, I've been there, thank you. I found it quite lovely." She comes after him and poor Billy loses his head for the second time since he's been raised from the dead. Dani leave the Circle of Salt Safety to retrieve Billy's head and give it back to him. I think at this point, Allison and Max are contending with Mary and Sarah. This allows Winnie to come down and scoop Dani up. Binx runs up a tree and along one of the branches and jumps on Winnie which makes her drop the potion which Max catches. Winnie throws Binx and he hits a rock and becomes unconscious. Poor Binx gets a lot of physical harm done to him in this movie.

Max tells Winnie to put down his sister or he'll smash the vial. She retaliates by telling him if he smashes it, Danie dies. He drinks the potion instead and tells her she has no choice; she'll have to take him. It's very noble that he's sacrificing his own life for his little sister's, but hopefully he has a plan NOT to die! Max starts to emit the same glow Emily did at the beginning of the movie and Winnie, still on her broom, lifts up Max so she's basically holding him by the collar of his sweatshirt (that thing's gonna stretch out!) or even by his hair at times (ouch!) She's trying to suck the life out of him as he's struggling to let go. Sarah and Mary are trying to help her, but Allison, Dani, and Billy are pulling on the cord of the vacuum to prevent them, so Sarah has to pull on Mary's hand to help HER.

But, guess what? Time's up! Game over! The sun starts to come up (and this is a massive Sahara sunrise; no way this sunrise would ever occur in New England, especially in the fall). Winnie is surprised by this and both she and Max fall to the ground. But Winnie won't give up! She's determined to get the life force from Max before the sun has completely risen. She still's holding Max by his sweatshirt, but is distracted and freaked out when she starts to turn to stone, starting with her feet until she has turned into a statue standing in the middle of the graveyard (and still holding onto Max, but he's able to get away from her stone grip). I was confused for a second because I thought they were supposed to turn to dust, but then I liked the idea of Winnie remaining a statue forever in the cemetery and it would add more to the lore. Sarah and Mary, still flying on their brooms (just for a split second more!) are like "Uh-oh!" when they see the sun and they both turn into dust, though it looked more like glitter since Sarah turns into purple dust and Mary turns into red dust. Then the statue of Winnie explodes into green glitter dust and I was a little disappointed that her statue didn't stay. The sequel to this movie is supposed to come out next year with Midler, Parker, and Najimy reprising their roles. I bet the screenwriters are kicking themselves that they didn't leave Winnie as a statue! Oh, well, I'm sure they'll find a way to resurrect these witch sisters from being turned into millions of dust particles!

So the witches are dead for good now (at least for the next 29 years! (but by then Max, Dani, and Allison will be adults by then and probably not be living in Salem anymore and will be like, "Not my problem anymore" if/when they hear about the resurrection of the Sanderson sisters)), so everyone should be happy, right? Well, not quite. After Winnie threw Binx to the ground, we did see him raise his head and meow pathetically, so we know that didn't kill him. However, after the witches died, the curse broke and Binx died too. Poor Dani is so sad and crying over his little furry body. At least Dani gets some closure because she sees the ghost of Thackery Binx (as a human) telling her not to cry and say, "The witches are dead. My soul's finally free." He thanks Dani for freeing him and thanks Max for lighting the candle. Then it turns into a ghost family reunion because the ghost of Emily just appears, looking for Thackery. (I guess she was buried at the graveyard, so it makes sense she was already "in the neighborhood". Max, Dani, and Allison watch as the 18th century ghost sibling walk away together in the sunrise. 

The great mood the Dennison siblings are in now won't last long when their parents return home and see the top of the house has been blown off!

So I really enjoyed this movie even though I have no nostalgic attachment to it. I can see why it's turned into a Halloween cult classic over the years. I do find it odd that this movie came out in July; this is a movie you must see during October during the Halloween season. 

Happy Halloween, everyone! 

The Wind Beneath My Wings

Beaches
Director: Garry Marshall
Cast: Bette Midler and Barbara Hershey
Released: December 21,1988

Oscar nominations:
Best Art Direction (lost to Dangerous Liaisons)

Is Beaches a chick flick? One might say unequivocally so. Is Beaches a schmaltzy film? You could say one of the schmaltziest ever. Are there problems with the script? Most definitely yes. Did I cry my eyes out while watching it? I am not ashamed to say that yes, yes, I did. Do I know every word to Wind Beneath My Wings? Who doesn't?

In a one sentence summary, Beaches is a film about the friendship between two women that spans over thirty years. Cece Bloom and Hilary Whitney meet on the beach in Coney Island one summer as eleven year olds and strike up a lifelong friendship. The two girls couldn't be more different. Cece is from the Bronx, a rough and tumble kinda New York girl with an attitude and wants to be a STAH! She sings, tap dances, acts. Her mother is the typical stage mother and Cece calls her Leona. Leona's played by Lainie Kazan whos' probably best known for playing the mother in My Big Fat Greek Wedding, but she also played Andrea's grandma in Beverly Hills, 90210. I should also note that young Cece is played by Mayim Bialik. If you don't know that name, shame on you! She only played the titular character on  Blossom that was on 8:30/7:30 central time Monday nights on NBC right after The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air in the early nineties. Is it weird that I can remember what was on Monday nights on NBC twenty years ago, but I couldn't tell you what's on Mondays on NBC presently? And if you still have no idea what Blossom was, maybe this will refresh your memory:

Hilary is from San Francisco and comes from a rich family. Her mom died when she was young and her extracurricular actives include horse back riding and ballet, activities that young, proper girls do.

Hilary and Cece exchange addresses and keep a correspondence, writing letters to each other often. We see them grow up and graduate college and they're still writing each other. Now this is the first problem with the script I have. There is no way that two eleven year old girls that live on opposite sides of the country are going to write each other for that long after they've just spent, what, half a day together? Maybe they would write to each for a few months after meeting, but it would eventually stop.

Fast forward to Bette Midler as older Cece who is a struggling performer and Barbara Hershey as older Hilary who is a lawyer and has decided to defy her father and move to New York to visit Cece. Apparently they never sent pictures of themselves to each other because Cece doesn't even know it's Hilary when she approaches her at a nighclub Cece sings at.

After that, the rest of the movie revolves around this cycle: they fight, they cry, they make up, they cry again. I swear, that must happen four or five times in the movie! The first time is when Cece likes a guy (Macaulay Culkin's dad from Home Alone), but he likes Hilary in return. Hilary ends up marrying a lawyer when she goes back to San Francisco for awhile (more letter writing!) to take care of her sick dad and Cece marries Mr. McCallister. By the time Hilary returns to New York with her new husband, Cece has become more famous and she and her husband are now living in a lavish penthouse. The two haven't seen each other in awhile and another fight breaks out. Hilary says it's because they've fallen apart, but Cece accuses Hilary, saying that she's broken apart. Eventually they make up down the line. (More crying! And hugging!)

I watched the commentary with Garry Marshall and he mentioned that he wanted to make this movie because most people didn't want to make a movie about the friendship between two women and how he was interested in that aspect. He then went on to say that he finds women friendships fascinating because, according to him, when men fight, they won't speak to each other for years, but when women fight, they've made up in a couple of hours and are shopping! Not only is this extremely sexist, but I find it quite untrue. I'm no expert, so I'll just pretend to be: when guys fight, they just need to hit something (like each other (see, I can be sexist too!)), but I think females hold grudges way longer than guys do. If you piss me off, I will not talk to you from anywhere as long as a week to eternity. To be fair to the movie, when Cece and Hilary had their biggest fight, they didn't talk to each other for months and Hilary ignored all of Cece's letters, so it wasn't like they were BFFs again after a couple of hours and SHOPPING! Shopping makes everything better!

Both of their marriages fall apart. Hilary catches her husband with another woman (eating breakfast) and Cece's husband feels like he comes second to her career. This bonds the two lifelong friends together again and Cece finds out that Hilary is pregnant. She is beyond ecstatic as both women have mentioned how much they would love to have kids. Hilary has a girl...who grows up to be a psychotic ballet dancer. Sorry, couldn't resist a Black Swan joke! Actually, Darren Aronofsky or whoever cast that movie is a genius because during Beaches, I was struck by how much Barbara Hershey looked like Natalie Portman, especially after she got sick. (Hmm, did I just inadvertently diss Natalie Portman?)

That's right, bring on the terminal illness that befalls one of the friends. Hilary has some heart problem and after spending the last moments of her life (minus in the hospital) with her daughter, now six or seven, and Cece on the beach, she eventually dies.

This is where I lost it. Between the montage with Bette Midler singing "Wind Beneath My Wings" Hilary's daughter, Victoria, sitting forlornly at her mom's funeral, and Victoria's tear-stained face while petting her cat for comfort, I was a sobbing mess. Sooo glad I was watching this alone!

Cece tells Victoria that her mother said she wanted her daughter to live with Cece in her will. Wait, what? What about her dad? Even Cece asks Victoria if she wants to live with her father and Victoria says she's never met him! They didn't really explain it well, but either Hilary never told her ex that she was pregnant or he knew about it and didn't want anything to do with his child. In either case, it makes one of the parents look like a jerk. So Cece adopts Victoria and that's the end. Cue "Wind Beneath My Wings" again.

Sister Act

Big Business
Director: Jim Abrahams
Cast: Bette Midler and Lily Tomlin
Released: June 10, 1988

This '80s comedy has a plot that's a little inconceivable, but it's more believable, than, say, Armageddon. We start out with a rich couple who are being chauffeured through a really small town when the woman goes into labor (after complaining to her husband that she didn't want to go on this trip because she's "40 months pregnant") and the closest hospital is a small one three miles away. At the same time, another woman from Jupiter Hollows, the small town closest to the country hospital, is also giving birth at the same hospital. 

Both women give birth to twin girls. The country man overhears the rich man say he wants to call their daughters Rose and Sadie and he suggests the same name to his wife. Because there were so many babies being born at the same time, the nurse gets confused and accidentally mismatches the twins so the rich parents go home with one of their own daughters and one of the daughters of the country folk and vice versa.

Flashforward about 40 years later in the '80s where we meet both set of twins. The rich twins live in New York and own a large company they inherited from their father. Sadie (Midler) is the biological daughter and she has no problem with being rich and ordering people around and feels more in her element while Rose (Tomlin) is always flustered and confesses that she hates shopping and New York in June. 

The Ratliffs, the country twins who grew up in Jupiter Hollows, are a reverse of the other twins with Rose being the more confident one, as she is their biological daughter and Sadie feeling like a fish out of water in this small town she grew up in. 

It turns out that the corporation the rich twins work for is trying to tear down Jupiter Hollows, so the Ratliff twins travel to New York to try to stop them. Many hijinx ensue including the rich twins' chauffeur picking up the country twins at the airport in the limo (the twins he knew were also there to pick up somebody) and he's confused when they both act like they've never been in a limo before (because, of course, they hadn't!) Both sets of twins are staying at the Plaza Hotel and the concierge is flabbergasted when Sadie is acting nice to him one minute, then being a total bitch the next. 

Country Rose's boyfriend comes out to New York to propose to her, but of course he ends up proposing to city Rose and country Rose ends up with city Rose's boyfriend. 

Here's a fun fact: Seth Green plays city Sadie's son. I saw his name in the credits, but even if I hadn't seen it, I would have easily recognized him.

There's an amusing scene where both Sadies are in the bathroom and think they're looking into a mirror at first, then realize there's no mirror and  both of them freak out. 

So yeah, this movie is kinda stupid, but both Milder and Tomlin yuk it up and there are a few laughs for a good time.