House Swap

The Holiday

Director: Nancy Meyers

Cast: Kate Winslet, Cameron Diaz, Jude Law, Jack Black, Rufus Sewell, Eli Wallach, Edward Burns

Released: December 8, 2006

Viewed in theaters: December 13, 2006

I saw this in the theaters when it first came out and remembered absolutely nothing about it except that Kate Winslet and Cameron Diaz swap houses over the Christas holiday. After watching it again on Hulu, I understand why I didn't retain anything about this movie: it is very forgettable and bland and ho-hum and average and milquetoast. I'm really selling you on this movie, aren't I? It's technically a Christmas movie - it's set around and during Christmas, there's a couple Christmas songs sprinkled throughout, there are Christmas decorations, it's called The Holiday, for God's sake, but to me, it just doesn't feel like a Christmas movie. I think this is because half the movie takes place in L.A. where it's sunny and I just can't get behind Christmas movies where it's hot and people are swimming at the beach or in their outdoor pool. Call me a traditionalist, but I need snow and people wearing sweaters and mittens and scarves in my Christmas movies! At least during the scenes set in England, it felt more Christmas-y.

Apparently I'm not the only one who didn't think this was a great Christmas movie (well, I didn't think it was a great movie, period). I was looking at the awards it was nominated for in the IMDB and it got the lovely honor of being nominated for "Worst Christmas film" (I love that that's a category) for The Stinkers Bad Movie Awards (which I have never heard of). You think I am joking, but this is actually a thing it was nominated for. The other films nominated for "Worst Christmas film" in 2006 were The Santa Clause 3, Unaccompanied Minors, Deck the Halls (which I've never seen), and Black Christmas (which I've never heard of, but it's a horror movie and I don't like horror movies). If you really care, Unaccompanied Minors won this prestigious award and while I don't think it's destined to be a Christmas classic, I will say that I think it is better than The Santa Clause 3 and this may be a hot take, but if somebody presented me with The Holiday or Unaccompanied Minors to watch during the Christmas season, I would pick the latter. Let's hope that never happens or I would question this person's taste in Christmas movies. 

Kate Winslet plays Iris who lives in Surrey and writes a column for The Daily Telegram. She is unhealthily in love with her ex, Jasper (Rufus Sewell). Even though they are no longer dating, he keeps putting the moves on her, making her think she still has a chance with him, even though he has a girlfriend now. He also works with her and at a Christmas party, he announces he's getting married to his girlfriend, which guts Iris. 

Cameron Diaz plays Amanda who lives in L.A. where she owns her own business putting together movie trailers and apparently makes "the big bucks" for it. Um, do people really make that much money for putting together movie trailers? People on YouTube do it all the time and I doubt any of them live in gated houses with a home theater and swimming pool. Just saying. I guess owning the business helps her pay the bills. We see John Krasinki in one scene as one of her employers and we see a trailer she's cut for a movie that looks absolutely terrible. Lindsay Lohan and James Franco play themselves, starring in this fake action movie called Deception. Nancy Meyers directed Lindsay in The Parent Trap remake, so that's probably how she got her to make a cameo in this. After watching it, Amanda says how it "finally looks like a hit!" which made me laugh since it clearly looked terrible and if she thought it looked like a hit now, how did it look before? 

She has a live-in boyfriend (whose name I don't remember and I don't care, but he's played by Edward Burns) who also works in the movie business. She accuses him of sleeping with his secretary (which he admit to); he accuses her of being emotionless and never crying and they break up. 

Amanda tells her employees she needs to take a vacation because she's getting too stressed and she read somewhere that stress ages women. She also talks about the bulls*t statistic where women over the age of 35 are more likely to die in a terrorist attack than get married which I remember was something that was brought up in Sleepless in Seattle but I thought that "statistic" was disproved. Also, in that movie, they say it's women over 40, so I guess with each decade, the age gets younger. This movie is pretty much telling you if you're a woman who is a certain age and don't have a man in your life, you may as well kill yourself. You think I am joking, but there is a scene where Iris thinks about killing herself! She turns the gas on her stove and blows out the flame, breathing in the toxic fumes, only coming to her senses and exclaiming "What am I doing?" when she hears her laptop chime and turns off the gas and runs to open up a window to breathe in fresh air. Both these women are young with great careers and envious homes and pretty much have it made, but since they can't hold a relationship they're pretty much deemed worthless. I hate this movie! 

Amanda decides she needs to get away from it all and clicks on a link called "Vacation Rentals", which pretty much what Airbnb or Vrbo is today. She's supposed to pick a country and picks England because she wants to go somewhere where they speak English. Um, why not just go to the East Coast? America is a big country, why not spend Christmas on the other side of the nation? Of course, Iris's charming cottage in Surrey is the second house she clicks on and decides it's perfect for her. WTF? If I were making a major decision on where to go for a Christmas holiday, I would look around a little more at my options. When Amanda sends Iris a message inquiring her about the house, that's when Iris's computer chimes when she's breathing in the toxic fumes. Also, what's the deal with this "website"? Shouldn't there be an availability calendar for the days Amanda is interested in staying there? The whole thing feels very impromptu. (Oh, you have no idea!) Iris replies back, telling her the cottage is only available for home exchange which means they "switch houses, cars, everything." Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold the phone. I understand Iris can't be staying in her house the same time Amanda is there because that would be weird, but if you were Amanda, would you just let some stranger stay in your house? Her house, as far as I know, isn't even listed on this website. Also, are these house swaps a thing? What if someone wants to stay in a fabulous beach house, but you live in some shack in Nowhere, USA, so that person gets stuck staying in your dump? What I'm trying to say is that not all homes are created equal. Well, luckily both Amanda and Iris have fabulous homes. (Of course they do, they're in a Nancy Meyers movie). They're chatting and introducing themselves to each other, giving the basic niceties about themselves. Amanda asks Iris if there are any men in her town. Now that's a stupid question; of course there are men in Surrey. But Iris seems to sense the answer Amanda is looking for and tells her "Zero". Amanda quickly replies back with, "When can I come?" and Iris asks her, "Is tomorrow too soon?" YES! Yes, it is! I need to pack! I need to make sure I have a freakin' passport! I need to make sure I can book a flight by tomorrow! I probably need to buy some WINTER clothes since I live in freakin' L.A. and most likely don't own a winter coat or hat or gloves or snowboots! I need to touch base with my employees first! I need to CLEAN my house and make a list of everything you should know when you're staying there!  Oh, no, but Amanda tells her "tomorrow is perfect." WTF? That scene made me so anxious. I hate this movie!

So starting tomorrow they will be spending two weeks in each other's homes. When Amanda takes a cab from the airport to the cottage in Surrey, the driver tells her he has to drop her off at a certain point because there's no way he'll be able to turn around if he drops her off directly in front of the house, so Amanda has to walk about a mile down a snowy road with her luggage. She is wearing stilettos and keeps slipping on the snow. That means she was wearing stilettos on a ten hour flight. WHY? Why not just wear regular, comfortable shoes for your flight and pack your stilettos. Also, why do you need stilettos? The whole point of this trip for her is just to relax in a cozy cottage and do a lot of reading. And she needs stilettos for this because....?  God, she is so high-maintence. What does Jude Law see in her? Oh, I'm getting ahead of myself, aren't I? She passes a couple on her way to the house and asks them if she's going in the right direction and both of them are wearing boots, like normal people who would be walking in snow. 

I must say the cottage is absolutely adorable and even though it is smaller than Amanda's L.A. home, it had to cost a pretty penny. Apparently, Iris forgot to mention to Amanda she has a dog. Also, apparently Iris didn't even tell her own brother she would be in another country for two weeks and failed to tell him a stranger would be staying at her house. We find this out when there's a loud banging at the door at one in the morning, startling Amanda. OMG, this would scare the crap out of me! She's sort of isolated in her little cottage, so only an axe murderer could be banging at her door. Luckily, it's just Iris's brother, Graham (Jude Law). He tells Amanda when he goes to the local pub, Iris puts him up for the night so he doesn't drive home. Not sure where he lives...why not just visit a bar closer to his home? 

Once Amanda explains about the house swap, he asks her how he's enjoying her stay and she tells him it's not so great and that she's leaving tomorrow...and she's only been there six hours! WTF? Okay, so she didn't have a good experience walking to the cottage in her stilettos, but she only has herself to blame for that, and she had trouble driving Iris's tiny car when she went into town to buy wine and other groceries (btw, what is it with Cammi D driving like a maniac in her movies?) But she's just going to fly back to L.A. not even after being in England for a day? Is she just going to stay in her house while Iris is there or make Iris leave? It was her IDEA to get away in the first place! Once we get the olbigatory they tell each other they're both single out of the way, Amanda tells him she just broke up with her boyfriend the other day, and came here to not feel alone, but feels more alone than ever. This leads to them kissing and then she suggests they have sex since she'll be leaving tomorrow and will never see him again anyway. Of course, since she looks like Cameron Diaz, she can say this without sounding like a complete loon.

So they sleep together and the next morning, Graham tells her if her flight is cancelled or if she changes her mind and decides to stay, he'll be having dinner with his friends at the pub that night. As he's getting ready to leave, his cellphone rings and for some reason (oh let's face it, for the plot's sake), Amanda picks it up and sees it's someone named Sophie calling him. He doesn't answer it, saying he'll call her back. Ooh, who could this mysterious Sophie be?

Also, Graham is wearing glasses because he tells Amanda he lost his contacts. I must say Jude Law in glasses is the best part of this movie. Sadly, beside this scene, we only see him wear glasses in another quick shot of him in a montage. I've included a photo so you, too, can admire him in glasses. 

So later we see Graham at the pub greeting his friends and when he sits down he looks up and who does he see sitting across the room waving and smiling seductively at him? Why, it's Amanda! I guess there's only one pub in this town since Graham didn't tell her the name of it and she went to the right one. Once again, Graham spends the night (but they don't sleep together since she was pissed drunk). The next morning, while they're chatting over coffee, his cell phone rings again and once again (for plot's sake) Amanda looks at it and sees it's someone named Olivia calling. Graham takes the call, going outside to chat. Amanda spies on him through the window and he's smiling and laughing and she thinks he's juggling two other women in his life. 

Graham tells her he thinks they should have lunch in town and get to know each other. Amanda tells him she owns her own movie advertising company and Graham tells her he's a book editor. Amanda confesses she hasn't cried since she was a teenager, when her parents divorced. She cried for a long time after it happened, but after that she hasn't shed a tear since because she thought she should "toughen up".  Apparently, this is the most tragic thing that has happened in her life. Look, having your parents get divorced is no picnic, but if that's the worst thing that's ever happened to you, your life can't be that bad. 

They have a wonderful time at lunch, but when Graham drops her off at the cottage, they both agree this relationship is complicated and better not to complicate it even further. However, that night, Amanda decides things aren't that complicated and decides to stop by Graham's home (how does she even know where he lives?) It's clear he has company over and Amanda quickly realizes this and thinks she's made a big mistake. But a little girl comes out and Graham intrudes her as Sophie, his daughter. I thought Olivia must be his ex-wife, but no, Olivia is his other daughter. Amanda thinks Graham is divorced (well, actually, she thought he was married at first which was hilarious), but he tells her he's been widowed for two years. You're probably wondering, if these two young girls don't have a mother, who was watching them when their father was spending the night with Amanda those two nights? He mentions they were with their grandparents. Also, I guess these two girls both had their own cellphone? Why else would their names be popping up on Graham's phone. I'm pretty sure the youngest one was six!

Amanda is quite surprised that Graham has two daughters, but she is smitten with them and the feeling is mutual. One of the girls tell her she looks like Barbie and they love her perfume and make up. After the girls are put to bed, Amanda tells Graham his kids are great, but is confused why he never told her about them because he's the one who wanted to go out to lunch and get to know each other. He says he didn't think it would be the best idea to introduce to someone who's leaving in a week and they'll never see again. I get that, but he still could have told her he had children, then maybe she wouldn't have shown up at his house unannounced. Graham tells her, "you and me, we come from different worlds" (okay, he didn't quote Hootie and the Blowfish, but he might as well have). He tells her he's a "book editor from London" and she's a "beautiful movie trailer maker from L.A." What is this, Notting Hill? He also tells her he has a cow in the backyard. He was joking, right? Because we never see this cow and I feel cheated. 

But they still can't stay away from each other and when it gets closer to the day Amanda is supposed to leave, they try to justify how they could make a long-distance relationship work. Graham assumes she must come to London all the time for work, but she says no, and suggests they could meet up in New York, since that would be easier (yeah, for her!). Amanda says they should just realize what they have now is good and is never going to get any better and to not pursue any type of relationship because there's no way they can keep flying back and forth all the time since she has her career and he has his kids. Then Graham drops the bomb that he's in love with her. (Not really sure why). The only way they can make this work is if Amanda moves in with Graham, right? It's not ideal for her not to be in L.A. for her career, but they can just send her everything to her computer. That's all she really needs to make movie trailers. There's no way Graham can move his two daughters to another country.

So Amanda is supposed to leave the next day, but when she's in the cab, she starts crying (who didn't see that coming?) and tells the driver to turn around. Since he can't make it all the way to the house, she just runs instead (and she's still wearing her stilettos! Did she not pack any other pairs of shoes that don't have pointy heels?) and I thought she was going to tell Graham that she was going to move to England, but no, she just tells him she thinks she can stay until New Year's Eve. That's great, Amanda you really solved the problem!

Let's check on Iris's adventure in L.A. While on the plane, she checks her e-mail and gets a message from Jasper asking her how he can reach her. Even though he's engaged, he still wants to keep Iris around as his sidepiece. Instead of just ignoring him like she should have, she writes back a reply back telling him she's trying to fall out of love with him.

Once she's settled at Amanda's house, she meets Miles (Jack Black), who is a composer. He works with Amanda's ex and is stopping by to pick up a few things. He's come with his girlfriend, Maggie, who he introduces to Iris. Throughout the movie, it was bugging me because she looked so familiar, then I was like, Is that Shannyn Sossoman from A Knight's Tale? And, yes, it was. Maggie is an up and coming actress. 

Jasper calls her and asks her if he can send her some pages from a book he's writing and wants her to look at them because she's the only one who he can trust to give him her honest opinion. Iris meets Amanda's neighbor, an elderly man named Arthur Abbot (Eli Wallach) who was an Oscar-winning screenwriter back in the golden era of Hollywood. What has Arthur written? Probably nothing you've heard of, but his friend wrote Casablanca and he added the "kid" to "Here's looking at you, kid." That's his contribution? I hope he didn't get any screenwriting credit for that movie!

Arthur has been receiving letters from the Writers Guild of America West, but he keeps tossing them in the trash. When Iris questions him about it, he tells her they just want to arrange a night to honor him. He doesn't  want to do this because he's embarrassed about being old and having to walk across the stage with a walker and is worried nobody will even show up. Iris tells him she'll help him get in shape (does this guy not have his own personal physical therapist...he lives in a mansion, so clearly he could afford one!) by the time the ceremony is held. Apparently, they want to have this ceremony for him soon and I'm thinking it's probably because the guy is in his 80s so they want to make sure he's still alive when they honor him. Yeah, that just got dark. 

Iris tells Miles about Arthur and how he's recommended a bunch of old movies for her to watch. Miles suggest that they watch one together and Iris thinks that's a great idea. Even though Amanda has shelves upon shelves of DVDs in her theater, she must not have any of the old classics Arthur recommended to Iris because she and Miles go to Blockbuster (how archaic!) to rent a couple of those movies. I hope Arthur didn't recommend anything to obscure because you're probably going to only find the really popular classics at Blockbuster. Also, you know they hid all the Kate Winslet and Jack Black movies!

While there, Miles keeps picking up movies and humming the theme, like the iconic ones to Chariots of Fire and Jaws. He hums the theme to Driving Miss Daisy, which I wasn't familiar with, but it was done by Hans Zimmer, who also did the score for this movie, so of course they had to shout out their own movie's composer. Fun fact: my favorite Hans Zimmer scores are from The Lion King and Gladiator. He picks up The Graduate and starts singing "Mrs. Robinson." Fun fact: my favorite Simon and Garfunkel song is "The Boxer." We see a quick shot of Dustin Hoffman in the next aisle, shaking his head and muttering, "Can't go anywhere." It was funny, but give me a break, like Dustin Hoffman would ever be at Blockbuster. He would be getting screeners delivered to his home. I bet he hasn't even seen this movie (The Holiday, not The Graduate). Apparently, he has a cameo in it because he was in the neighborhood when they were filming and wanted to see what was going on and they invited him to do a cameo. 

While they're at Blockbuster, Miles sees Maggie outside walking and holding hands with another guy. She had been in New Mexico working on a movie and it looks like she brought home a souvenir! After pouring his heart out to Iris, she tells him she knows how he feels and tells him about Jasper and soon she's pouring her heart out to him. It's Christmas Eve and Miles offers to make fettuccine for them so they can sit and eat it by the fire and enjoy being young and alive. Iris hugs him and tells him he's "an incredibly decent man." If that's not being friend zoned, I don't know what is. I guess we're supposed to think these two are romantically interested in each other, but I never got that. They just seemed more like good friends. At least they actually have a friendship while Amanda and Graham are just attracted to each other physically and pretty much have nothing in common. 

Since Miles wrote a theme song for Arthur for his special night, he plans to attend the ceremony with Iris. The night the ceremony will be held, he and Iris are having lunch together. He gets a call from Maggie, who wants tells him she misses him and wants to get together that day. I guess her new guy had to go back home to Santa Fe. 

Back home (er, back at Amanda's home), Iris gets a call from Jasper. He tells her he's sent a surprise and when she goes to open the front door, Jasper is standing there. WTF? He flew all the way from London to see her? No wonder poor Iris can't get over him since he keeps playing mind games with her. She thinks this means that perhaps he's not getting married anymore, but no, he's still getting married! Lovely guy. Iris finally sees that this guy is a douche and makes him leave. 

That night she attends Arthur's ceremony and the auditorium is packed and he is able to climb up to the stage and walk across it without a walker. Maybe Iris should look into another career as a physical therapist. Miles shows up a few minutes late, telling Iris that he told Maggie their relationship is over. He asks Iris what she's doing for New Year's Eve and she tells him she'll be back in England and he tells her he's never been there before, pretty much inviting himself. 

The very last scene we see is Iris, Miles, Amanda, Graham, and Sophie and Olivia all together at Graham's house, celebrating New Year's Eve as they listen to Aretha Franklin and sip champagne (well, everyone except the two little girls are sipping champagne). They almost make it look like this is the first time Amanda and Miles are meeting, even though they should know each other since Miles is friends with Amanda's ex. No way either of these couples are even going to last. This movie is terrible and might be one of the worst Christmas movies out there. Half the time I forgot it even was a Christmas movie!

Rumble in the Jungle

Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
Director: Jake Kasdan
Cast: Dwayne Johnson, Jack Black, Kevin Hart, Karen Gillan, Nick Jonas
Released: December 20, 2017
Viewed in theaters: January 7, 2018

Since this is still fairly new, there will be spoilers!

I guess I assumed this was a reboot of the 1995 movie with Robin Williams, Bonnie Hunt, and Kirsten Dunst (you can find my review of it here), but it's actually a sequel. It picks up twenty years after the first movie left off. There are enough little shout outs and references to the first movie to satisfy fans of the original, but if you've never seen that one, you won't be lost watching this one. This is its own movie and while the premise is the same, there are enough differences so this isn't a carbon copy of the '95 film.

This one begins in 1996 and a teenage boy named Alex hears the familiar Jumanji drums (well, familiar to the ones who have seen OG Jumanji!) and he finds the cursed board game. He takes it home with him even though he wonders outloud, "Who still plays board games?" (Okay, so then why did you take it home with you?) The next day he opens the game and it has magically turned into a video game which he starts to play. We don't see what happens to him (but you can probably guess if you've seen the trailers to this movie!) and instead it cuts to twenty years in the future and we are introduced to our four main characters who will be played by more famous people in about twenty minutes (well, I wasn't familiar with Karen Gillan, but not everybody can be on the same fame level as The Rock!)

Four high school students (two boys and two girls) find themselves getting detention that day. Let's see, we have the jock, we have the weird loner girl, we have the popular girl, and we have the smart kid. We're just missing our Judd Nelson and we would have The Breakfast Club! They are left without any supervision to clean out a room in the basement of the school and they're supposed to take staples out of papers. One of the kids finds an old Nintendo (??) game console with the Jumanji game. I'm not really sure how that game found its way there, but let's not ask silly questions. There is a TV conveniently located nearby and the two boys hook up the game. They start to choose characters to play in the game. When one of them tries to pick the first character he sees, it won't let him choose that one. We will later find out why that is. They get the girls to join them (by the way, I have never known a game console to have more than two controllers, but I don't play video games, so what do I know?) and the kids are sucked into the game.

This is when we can sit back and have some fun. We had the first twenty minutes or so to introduce us to the characters as their true teenaged selves, but now we can watch what we all came to the theaters to see. It is very amusing because all the kids have turned into a character that is the complete opposite of who they are. Spencer, the main character and smart kid (he got detention because he wrote the jock kid's history paper) chose an avatar named Dr. Bravestone. He is played by The Rock, excuse me, Dwayne Johnson. Sorry, but he will always be The Rock to me. So we have this nerdy, scrawny kid and he becomes The Rock - you can't get any more opposite than that.

The jock kid is named Fridge and he's very tall and athletic. He's in detention since Spencer did his paper. We get a little backstory that these two used to be friends, but then drifted apart. He chooses a character named Finbar who's a zoologist and is played by Kevin Hart who is known for being short. There's a funny scene where he says, "The top two feet of me is missing!" The character he chooses also is not strong and has no speed, not at all what Fridge is used to in the "real world".

Martha is the awkward girl who doesn't like to interact with anyone and gets detention because she refused to participate in gym class and insulted her P.E. instructor in the process. She becomes Ruby Roundhouse "Killer of Men" (played by Karen Gillan) and becomes a badass who has all the fighting skills, including "dance fighting", whatever that is. She is very self-conscious because she's wearing a halter top, so she's baring some skin and doesn't approve of her outfit for being in the jungle. Her character is obviously an homage to Lara Croft.

Then we have what is probably the best change of all. Bethany is a whole bunch of cliches of the popular teenaged girl. She's self-absorbent, she's constantly taking selfies of herself, she's on her phone during class (the reason she gets detention), she says she is "too pretty" to do any work. If I went to that school, she would be the one person out of these four that I would hate the most. The others don't bother me, but she is just a terrible person. She chooses to become Professor Shelby Oberson whose main strength is being a cartographer, or a "map doctor" as she will later say. Turns out Shelby is short for Sheldon and she is appalled when she finds out she is now "an overweight middle-aged man" (played by Jack Black). Yes, it is very hilarious watching Jack Black play this role. Even though they're now in this video game and they have no idea how they got there and no idea how to get home, the only thing Bethany is worried about is her phone. ("Oh my God, you guys! Where's my phone?") We also immediately see Bethany/Jack Black get eaten by a hippo. The movie knows that she is our least favorite character and we want to see her get some comeuppance.

However, she is not dead (and is still a middle-aged overweight man!) as she comes crashing down from the sky. The kids soon realize that the three bars tattooed on the inside of their arms represent the three lives they get in the game. They will each go through two of their lives, making it more suspenseful if they will get home alive (of course they do, I didn't go in with any spoilers, but even I knew they would all make it out okay). Some of their lives are used for sacrifice, but we have a couple lives that are wasted, for example, when Fridge/Kevin Hart gets into a fight with Spencer/The Rock and Fridge pushes Spencer off a cliff. C'mon, why are you wasting lives like that?

The kids also realize that they each have their own strengths and weaknesses. This is when we find out that Finbar's weaknesses include "strength" and "speed". And cake, for some reason. This game seems very lopsided. If this was a real game (but not TOO real!), nobody would want to be Finbar and EVERYBODY would want to be Dr. Bravestone. His weaknesses are "none". He has no weaknesses! Everyone knows that when you choose a character in a video game, you have at least one weakness or else everybody would want to be that character. We see that Ruby's weakness is "venom" (and she will later sacrifice one of her lives when she is bit by a snake), but isn't EVERYONE'S weakness venom? Anyone can die if they have venom in their system. When Finbar eats a piece of cake (which he thought was bread), he explodes. That makes sense because that is his weakness and for some weird reason, in the game, it kills him. But eating cake won't kill the other characters

They learn that the only way to return home is to return a jewel that was stolen by the bad guy, Van Pelt (played by Bobby Cannavale) - yes, that name may sound familiar because that was the same name of the hunter who was part of the game in the original. They must return it to a huge statue and avoid Van Pelt and all the other dangerous elements along the way. Okay, can I just say this game sounds like something I would have fun playing? I played Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis back in the day (more of a PC game than a video one), and I love those games where you're on an adventure and have to figure out how to get to your next destination. Those fighting video games ala Mortal Kombat? No, thank you.

They come across a pilot named McDonough (played by Nick Jonas). Now you may remember when our heroes were still high schoolers in 2016 and were about to play the game, they couldn't choose the first character that popped up. That's because it was chosen by teen Alex from 1996. The four characters were trying to find the missing piece to their map and they soon realize that Alex is their missing piece. He tells them he's been there "a few months" (and that really confused me!) and that time is a bit wonky where they are. (Apparently!) We get a shout out to Alan Parrish, the Robin Williams character from the original when he brings them to a shelter in the jungle that Alan built when he was sucked into the game (I guess whether you're sucked into the board game or the video game, it's still the same location). Alex/McDonough tells them he's already used two of his lives trying to cross the canyon. There's a huge hangar full of choices and he's already tried the hot air balloon and the jet, but got shot down both times. I really love the scene where they go to the hangar to attempt to cross the canyon. This really is like a video game. I mentioned Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis earlier and there is a moment where Indy needs something and in order to get it, he needs to have his partner, Sophia, distract this guy so he can get what he needs. This scene totally reminded me of that. Well, not TOTALLY as there was no crazy flirting or fight dancing in the Indiana Jones games! In the film, there are two guards they need to distract so the hot girl in Jack Black's body teaches the awkward girl in the bombshell's body to flirt with them. She ends up being terrible at it, but luckily her skills of "dance fighting" comes in and she beats them up while "Baby I Love Your Way" (the reggae version by Big Mountain) starts playing. Totally random song choice, but I like that song. She single-handedly kicks their asses and anytime a woman kicks some ass, I'm all for it, especially when it's a redhead (but I may be biased!)

This is the scene where the others also learn that Alex hasn't just been there for "a few months". In the span of a minute, he starts spouting off all these '90s references and catch phrases ("getting jiggy with it" and "fly as Cindy Crawford" were the main ones I remembered), so when someone asks him what year he thinks it is, he replies with "1996" and is shocked to learned that his new friends are from twenty years in the future and the others are shocked to learn he's been there that long (he's been there since before they were all born!)

After the guards are down, they go in the hangar to choose their method of travel. Alex wants to use the school bus which was laughable there was even a school bus in there, but they decide on the helicopter. Obviously, this is a game where you need all five characters to beat it. Alex couldn't have made it without the other four and our four main characters couldn't have made it without Alex. Fridge/Finbar has to sacrifice his life when he drops the jewel and in order to get it back, he's killed by a stampede of rhinos (there are some pretty brutal deaths in this game!)

Bethany/Sheldon also sacrifices her life when Alex was stung by a mosquito (his weakness...which is a pretty terrible weakness to have in the freakin' jungle!!) and gives up her second life so he can have one. There's an ongoing joke through the movie where Bethany (in Jack Black's body) has a crush on Alex (because he's played by Nick Jonas) and keeps flirting with him. It is a nice moment that she sacrifices her life for Alex, but you know that if he didn't look like a pop star, she would not have given her one of her lives!

As they get closer to placing the gem in the statue, Martha/Ruby Roundhouse needs to retrieve it in a pit of snakes (super gross) after it's been thrown in there. Our bad guy, Van Pelt shows up and makes her give him the gem, but she purposely gets bitten by a snake and sacrifices her second life (although was it purposely? I feel like she would have gotten bitten by a snake even if she didn't intend to...if you're standing in a pile of snakes, most likely you're gonna get bit!) It was a smart move she made because she falls out of the sky right by the statue and she and Spencer/The Rock are able to place it in its rightful spot and they all yell out, "JUMANJI!" They have won the game and everybody is able to return to their old bodies and where they left off.

The four teens return to the high school and are wondering where Alex is. They go to his childhood house, which used to be boarded up and dreary and is now freshly painted and looks warm and inviting. They see a man in his thirties drive up and right away they know it's Alex. Three different people played this character: somebody played him as a teen in 1996, Nick Jonas played him when he was in the game, and he's played by Colin Hanks as an adult. He knows immediately who these kids are and explains to them that he was sent back to 1996 where he left off so it's nice that he didn't waste twenty years of his life! He tells Bethany he named his daughter after her, "after the person who saved his life".  Awww.

The movie ends with Fridge smashing the video game with a bowling ball, but, c'mon, we all know there's gonna be a sequel!

It's a Long Way to the Top If You Wanna Rock and Roll

School of Rock

Director: Richard Linklater

Cast: Jack Black, Joan Cusack, Sarah Silverman, Mike White, Miranda Cosgrove

Released: October 3, 2003

This movie is every grade-schooler's dream come true. Actually, it's probably any student's, no matter what age, dream come true. Who wouldn't want to go to school for three weeks where all you do is listen to music and rock out in a band? Sounds a lot more fun than learning about math and history! 

Dewey Finn (Jack Black) is in a band called No Vacancy and they are getting ready to compete in the Battle of the Bands to win the coveted $20,000 Dewey so desperately needs so he can pay his friend and roommate, Ned (Mike White) rent money as at the moment he is flat broke. Ned's girlfriend, Patty (Sarah Silverman), who also lives in the same apartment, keeps harping on Dewey to get a job and pay Ned back and also keeps harping on Ned to stop letting people walk all over him. Dewey tells them that as soon as the band competes in the competition, they will win and he can give them the money. Unfortunately things don't turn out so well for Dewey because he finds out the next day that he has been voted out of the band and replaced with a guy named Spider. They tell him his solos go on way too long and the crowd surfing needs to stop (and never seems to work as he always lands on the floor - ouch!). Dewey is understandably furious by this and tells them he's going to start his own band. In the meantime, he needs to figure out a way to make money and that opportunity comes knocking for him when he receives a phone call from Principal Mullins (Joan Cusack) from Horace Green Prep School asking for Ned Schneebly because they need a substitute for their fourth (or maybe it was fifth?) grade class right away because the original teacher broke her leg that day and all the other subs aren't available. When Dewey asks her how long it would be and how much it pays, she tells him, not thinking it strange this man is asking her these questions. Dewey tells her Ned just got home and then pretends to be Ned on the phone and accepts the job. He is able to come into the school without proof of verification of who he is. 

The principal introduces "Mr. Schneebly" to the class and Dewey attempts to write the name on the blackboard, only he can't spell "Schneebly" (and I'm not sure if I'm spelling it correctly!) so he erases all the letters except the first one and tells the class to call him "Mr. S." The first day, he lets the kids have recess all day long and just do whatever they want. All the kids think this is the greatest thing ever, except for Summer (Miranda Cosgrove) who is a strict follower of the rules and wants to learn and snides her new teacher for not teaching them anything when her parents pay $15,000 a year for her to attend this school. At the end of his first day, Dewey is so excited he's finally free and high-fives everyone and runs out of the class and out the building. He's almost worse than the students when they're finally free for the day. 

The next day, the kids have music class and Dewey listens in. He is impressed that the kids are actually pretty good and gets a brilliant idea. While he has been putting up posters, advertising for band members for the new band he wants to start, he hasn't gotten any prospects. During the music class, he runs to his van where he keeps all his instruments and sets up a drum set, a guitar, a bass guitar, and a keyboard. When the kids return, he tells them, "I heard you in music class. You can really play. WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME?!" Like the kids know he's looking for people who can play instruments! He gets a kid named Zach to play the electric guitar. Zach tells him he only plays classical music because his dad thinks rock music is "a waste of time" and this greatly offends Dewey. He has Lawrence, the shy Asian kid who was playing the piano, play the keyboard. He asks Katie, the girl who was playing the cello, to play the bass guitar. And for the drums, he has "class rebel" (for a prep schooler!) Freddie on them. When he has the kids start playing together, he becomes very excited and knows he has found his new band. He tells the students they are going to start on their new project called Rock Band. (Best school project ever!) He tells them that this is a school project and it's a requirement and that "It will test your head...and your mind...and your brain!" They will be competing with other schools in the state and if they win the top prize, it will look very good on their permanent records. He says the project will be next semester and they should start now to get a leg up on the competition, but not to tell anyone, not even their parents they're working on it. 

He has plans for the kids just to practice all day, but changes the schedule when he finds out they have never heard of the many rock groups he's a huge fan of like Led Zeppelin ("You've never gotten the Led out?") or AC/DC. He adds "Rock History" and "Rock Appreciation" to their morning schedule. Since there are about 15 students in the class and four of them are in the band, the remaining kids feel left out and Dewey tells them, "Just because you're not in the band doesn't mean you're not IN the band!" He needs back-up singers and adds two of the three girls who try out as part of the band. Summer is the third girl who didn't make it because her singing voice is absolutely atrocious. Later, he adds Tomika, a girl who is self-conscious about her weight and was too shy to try out, to join Marta and Alicia ("Don't bogart the mic, Alicia!") as the back-up singers. The kids involved in the band plus Summer are the main focus and the other kids are more ancillary characters. Dewey gives them all jobs so they can feel part of the project. One kid is in charge of graphics; he has a few kids in charge of security detail; Billy, the adorable kid who reminds me of an elementary schooler Kurt from Glee, wants to be the band's designer; and the two blonde girls are groupies and their job is to worship the band and name it. Summer was assigned a groupie but after finding out what a groupie was, she was not happy with her "job" and Dewey made her band manager. 

I feel a little bad for the kids who aren't IN the band because when he takes those kids to sign up for the Battle of the Bands, the other kids have to stay behind and play a video Dewey made where he's teaching the class so if the principal walks by, they can play it and act like nothing is wrong. It is so hilarious and so wrong that he's taking all these grade-school kids in a van to a very seedy neighborhood. Like that doesn't look suspicious to anyone! Unfortunately they didn't make it in time and aren't allowed to be part of the competition. Summer, being the mastermind she is, gets an idea that all the kids should be visiting from a hospital with a terminal illness and that seals them the gig. When they're returning to the school in Dewey's fan, the Led Zeppelin song, "Immigrant Song" is playing, and if you have the DVD (like I do because I love this movie!), there's a very interesting story behind it. Apparently the band hardly ever give the rights to their songs and Richard Linklater and Jack Black really wanted to use it for the movie so Linklater shot a video of Jack pleading for them to let them use it. Behind him are a bunch of people who were extras in the Battle of the Bands sequence. They sent it to the band members and were thus granted permission. I had actually never heard of that song until I saw this movie, but I absolutely love it! And of course it was popularly covered when Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (US version) was released. 

It is so funny because every time "Edge of 17" by Stevie Nicks comes on, I will say to the person next to me (if I'm with someone, like at work or with a friend), "This song reminds me of Joan Cusack in School of Rock." Because it does! Every time! I love that scene where she's singing that song. Unlike "The Immigrant Song", I was familiar (you could say...."hauntingly familiar", haha!) with this song, although, I will admit, I'm pretty sure I found out about it AFTER Destiny's Child sampled it for "Bootylicious" ("Kelly, can you handle this? Michelle, can you handle this? Beyonce, can you handle this? I don't think they can handle this!") and that song only came out two years prior to this film. Yeah, I really need to take "Mr. S"'s rock history class! I love Joan Cusack in this movie; I love that scene where she's discipling that young girl and even when she's trying to be nice, she comes off as strict. She asks the girl if she wants a hug and the girl shrinks back and wails, "I promise I'll be good!" 

After three weeks of getting the kids ready for the big day - they listen to rock music and watch videos of legendary guitarists and drummers to get inspired - things come crashing down the day before the Battle of the Bands, and also the day of Parents' Night when the real Schneebly is puzzled why he has a check from Horace Green and Dewey has to confess to him what he's been doing before Ned calls the school to say they made a mistake. Dewey has to make a presentation at Parents' Night and sees the police have come to pay him a visit because Patty got Ned to spill the beans about what's been going on and she called the cops on Dewey. All the parents are understandably concerned that an impostor has been posing as their children's substitute teacher and demand to get answers. 

The kids know they've worked too hard and don't want to miss the competition so they get the bus driver to drive them to Dewey's apartment (how they know where he lived, I'm not sure!) and head to the venue where the Battle of the Bands is being held. They make it just in time to set up and perform as they are playing after No Vacancy who is currently on stage. Principal Mullins and the parents of the kids find out what's going on so they also go to the venue and demand to be let in, but the guy won't let them in without tickets. The guy who replaced Dewey in No Vacancy is wearing this leather shrug and after he performs he starts hitting on Principal Mullins and it is the most hilarious/awkward thing. 

The School of Rock (the name of the band the groupie girls decided on) perform their song that Zach wrote. Originally they were going to perform an indulgent song that Dewey wrote, but he (rightly) decided that Zach's song was the right choice for them. All the parents and Principal Mullins and the audience love them and the song, so when No Vacancy wins the competition, everyone is dismayed except for one random dude who yells, "Yeah, No Vacancy!" The movie has a happy ending with Dewey and Ned starting their own "School of Rock" and teaching music lessons to kids. 

For the ten year reunion of the movie in 2013, Jack Black and the kids (now in their early twenties!) performed the same song for a group in Austin, TX. 

Here's the song from the movie:

And here it is being performed at the ten-year reunion....notice how Zach is shorter than Jack Black in the first video, but taller in this one, haha! 

It's Time To Meet the Muppets

The Muppets
Director: James Bobin
Cast: Jason Segel, Amy Adams, Chris Cooper, Rashida Jones, Jack Black, The Muppets
Released: November 23, 2011
Viewed in theaters: November 28, 2011

This is my history with the Muppets. When The Muppet Show was on air, I wasn't even born when it premiered and way too young to watch it when it ended. I have seen episodes either from re-runs or videos, but even then it's been awhile. I am very familiar (and love) the theme song because I have it on my iPod. It's a very catch song (and they do play it in the movie). How can you not love it?

I remember watching the animated series Muppet Babies, which thinking back now, doesn't make any sense because the Muppets are puppets and puppets can't be cartoons. But I digress. And of course I'm sure I've seen many movies the Muppets have starred in, but the only one I can remember seeing is A Muppet Christmas Carol which I saw in the theater nineteen (!!!!) years ago. Oh, and of course I watched Sesame Street when I was a kid and Kermit was on that show often if I remember correctly. I go back and forth on who my favorite Muppet is, but I have a soft spot for Rowlf. He's really adorable AND he's a piano playing dog! You guys, I totally want a piano playing dog. But I do love Kermit. And Gonzo. And Beaker. And Animal! ANIMAL!

At the beginning of the movie, we are introduced to brothers Gary and Walter. Gary is played by Jason Segel, who also co-wrote the movie. Walter is played...by a muppet. Don't ask me how they're brothers. We never meet the parents, but it did make me wonder how that would work. It's like when I read Harry Potter and wondered how Hagrid's father could be a human and his mother a giant. And these are for kids! I didn't know why they didn't make Gary and Walter best friends, but it was funny when they did a montage of them growing older, Gary would keep getting taller and taller and Walter would stay the same height.

"Maniacal laugh! Maniacal laugh!"

Being that Walter is a muppet, he is a fan of the Muppets. He's ecstatic when Gary invites him along to the trip to Los Angeles he's planned with his longtime girlfriend, Mary (Amy Adams, who doesn't have much to do besides be adorable). They go on a tour of the Muppet Studio but find it's abandoned and dusty and while hiding, Walter overhears an evil oil tycoon (aptly named Tex Richman (played by Chris Cooper)) telling his cronies his plans for tearing the entire studio down because there's oil underneath. If you've ever wanted to hear Chris Cooper rap, this is the movie for you! Yes, you read that right!

Walter relays the news to Gary and Mary and they find Kermit and convince him to get the Muppets together to try to save their studio. The entire gang (Fozzie! Miss Piggy! Gonzo! Rowlf! Animal! Scooter! Beaker! Dr. Bunsen! Swedish Chef! The two old dudes from the balcony! And the others!) reunite and put on a telethon to help raise money. The show is reminiscent  of The Muppet Show, only it's called The Muppet Telethon. My favorite moment of the telethon was when the chickens squawked Cee Lo's F--- You (Cluck You?) Now I will never be able to listen to that song without hearing a bunch of chickens clucking.

It's a sweet movie, but not overly saccharine. There's plenty of laugh out loud moments that don't resort to stupid and juvenile jokes, but not all the jokes work all the time, especially the meta jokes. The only meta joke that did make me laugh was when they were going across the country finding all the Muppets and after they had picked up three or four of them, one of them suggested to Gary that they do a montage to make it go faster. There's also an ongoing gag with Kermit's butler, '80s Robot. I loved how everyone calls Kermit "Mr. The Frog."

I really didn't care about our human leads that much, but since they were there they had to have a plot. It's just Mary thinks Gary is finally going to propose to her, but he becomes so busy with helping the Muppets with their Telethon that he forgets that it's their anniversary. Their story coincides with Kermit and Miss Piggy who have been separated for awhile (Miss Piggy was found in Paris as the editor of a fashion magazine where she became like the Meryl Streep character in The Devil Wears Prada, in fact Emily Blunt plays her assistant), but they reconcile in the end.

There's plenty of celebrity cameos, but not as many as I thought there would be. There's your Whoopi Goldberg for the older folks and Selena Gomez for the youn'uns. I don't think Jack Black would be counted as a cameo. Even though he plays himself he has a big role in the movie as the Muppets kidnap him because they need a celebrity host for their show.

I forgot to mention this is a musical, but you probably already knew that. Of course a movie about the Muppets wouldn't be complete if "The Rainbow Connection" and "Mah Na Mah Na" weren't sung. I may have been too young to watch The Muppet Show, but even I'm familiar with those songs. The main song of the movie is called "Life's a Happy Song" and it's just as cute and jovial as you would think it is. I also loved Amy Adams rocking out to "Me Party". ("I'm having a me party! A party by myself! Me party! I don't need nobody else!) Kermit singing "Pictures in My Head" almost got me choked up. Okay, I'll admit it: even though I didn't cry, I did get a little choked up a few times during the movie.

Obviously if you're a fan of the Muppets or grew up with them, I definitely recommend this movie. It is really cute and brought back memories of my childhood. I kind of want to see it again!