Sunday, June 1, 2014

Bed of Poo

Bed of Roses
Director: Michael Goldenberg
Cast: Christian Slater, Mary Stuart Masterson, Josh Brolin, Debra Monk
Released: January 26, 1996

As I was watching this movie, I knew it had to be written by a man and I was right. It was written by Michael Goldenberg, who also directed it. I could tell that whoever wrote it, was trying to cater to women (being that this is a romance movie, it's geared towards the female population) and thought they knew what a woman would like to see, but was oh so off the mark. 

Mary Stuart Masterson plays Lisa, a workaholic who was raised in foster care by a man who was abusive with her so now she has issues with men, which is understandable. She has a friends with benefits deal going on with her co-worker (Brolin) but she has never been in any romantic relationship.The man who raised her has recently died and her resentment towards him are starting to well up. 

One day, at work, Lisa receives a bouquet of flowers. They're delivered to her by Lewis (Christian Slater), a flower delivery guy. There is no name on the card and she starts calling everyone she knows that would possibly send her flowers, but everyone tells her it wasn't them. Well, I knew it was the flower delivery guy and not just because he's played by the co-lead, but since nobody she knew sent the flowers, then who else could it be? She goes to the flower shop to ask if they know who sent them but he tells her they can't give out that information because the guy asked to remain anonymous. Finally, he admits it was him after she keeps being persistent about how she need to know who it is. I figure he's going to tell her that he's delivered many flowers to her office and has seen her a few times and developed a crush on her, but no. He tells her he was taking a walk in her neighborhood at night one evening and looked up and noticed her in a window and how sad she looked and then followed her to work one day so that's how he knew where she worked. Oh my God, can we say creep-o? If some guy ever said that to me, I would be so freaked out. And she is a little freaked out at first, but decides, since he is such a nice guy (and he is a seemingly nice guy although he goes about things in the wrong way!), gives him a chance.

But, wait! That's not the worst scene in the movie! No, the worst scene is when they've been dating a few months and it's Christmas and he's going to introduce her to his family at his parents' house where there's going to be a big gathering. Lisa is really nervous about this and keeps making excuses not to go, but finally agrees. She has not told him about her childhood and whenever he asks about her parents and family, she always changes the subject. Lewis's family is all nice and welcoming to Lisa and everything seems to be going fine until it's the end of the evening and they're about to each open a present because their family tradition is that everyone is allowed to open one present on Christmas Eve. Well, Lewis gives Lisa a small box and guess what it is? Yep. An engagement ring. He's asking her to marry him in front of his entire family and the very first time she's meeting them! What a tool! And I didn't blame her when she ran out of the house and started berating him when he followed her and asked what was wrong. He tells her he thought it would be nice if they shared such a happy occasion in front of his family and she tells him he just doesn't understand. It was this scene when I knew a guy had to write this movie because no woman would ever want a guy to ask her to marry her in front of his family! Especially a woman like Lisa who has issues with men and is a bit closed-off to people. How could he be that clueless? Ugh!

And I said that was the worst scene, but the ending may be just as bad. After that debacle, Lisa and Lewis have broken up, but Lisa goes to his apartment to give him back something...I forget...and they exchange a few words and she's turning to leave and going very slowly, but then turns around and says, "This is the part where you're suppose to ask me to stay and hug me and never let me go." UGGGHHHHH, are you serious? And when she turns around to leave (again), he does just that and they are all happy blah, blah, blah. Oh, and I watched the trailer and they show a scene of them making love in a literal bed of roses, but that wasn't even in the movie. I guess it was so cheesy they had to take it out. I found everything to about this movie to be nauseating and eye-roll inducing. 

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