Survival of the Fittest

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Director: Sam Raimi

Cast: Rachel McAdams, Dylan O'Brien, Dennis Haysbert, Edyll Ismail

Released: January 30, 2026

If Cast Away were a horror movie and it was two people stranded on a desert island instead of one, it would be this movie. I'm not really a horror movie person (as you've probably noted from my lack of horror movie reviews), but I am a Survivor person and the main character is a fan of the reality show. I wouldn't call myself a Survivor Super Duper Fan, but I would refer to myself as a Survivor super fan. I've watched the show since the first season in 2000 and there are only two episodes I missed while watching live: the very first episode and some random episode during season 4, Marquesas. I missed the very first episode because I didn't have any intention on watching it, but my parents saw it and told me about it and I was intrigued so I watched it and I was hooked. I can't remember why I missed the Marquesas episode. It might have been because the weather was bad and it kept getting interrupted by the stupid weather man. God, how the hell did we ever survive without streaming? I mean, seriously? How did we do it? Considering I just wrote that sentence, I would not be long if I were ever stranded on a deserted island! Anyway, back to Survivor: I could name you all the winners from all the seasons (though I don't know everybody's last name!). I even found about the Survivor connection in this from a Survivor podcast (Rob Has a Podcast). 

Linda Liddle (Rachel McAdams) is the Survivor aficionado. Actually, I would say she's more of a survival aficionado and a Survivor casual fan. She seems more interested and well-versed in the survival aspect (like making fire or building shelter) than the strategic and social aspects of the game. We see she is socially inept at work where she is the strategy and planning manger of a company where she's been promised a big promotion, but after her boss dies his swarmy son, Bradley Preston (Dylan O'Brien) takes over and gives the promotion to one of his bros. 

I do think they did a good job of making Rachel McAdams look unappealing and socially awkward. Regina George would eat Linda for breakfast. Sure she has the glasses and ponytail which is Hollywood's favorite way to make a girl look ugly, but her hair is greasy and she has this mole on the side of her face which isn't exactly a Cindy Crawford beauty mark and she doesn't even try with her appearance or her clothes. She comes off as someone with zero self awareness and it's a bit cringe. What she lacks in social skills, she makes up in her job which she is very good at, hence why she's been promised this big promotion.

When she finds out she's been passed over for the promotion and marches into Bradley's office and demands to know why, he basically tells her she's lacking the social skills. He invites her to join him and the rest of the team on a business trip to Bangkok for a meeting. (I have to be honest...I'm not exactly sure what business they're in.) 

While on the flight, Linda is working on some important document for the meeting (she's pretty much doing al the work) and has her earbuds in. When she takes them out, she can hear laughter in another part of the plane and she realizes everyone is laughing because they found her Survivor audition tape online. I'm confused: does Survivor just upload everyone's audition tape online? I highly doubt that, so how did they even find this? Did she upload her audition tape online? Judging by her horrified reaction, I highly doubt it. She hits the delete button and everything she's worked on completely disappeared in a matter of seconds. We'll never get to see how she handled that because the plane crashes into the sea and the only survivors are Linda and Bradley. Of course. 

Luckily (I guess, I mean lucky for this situation, I guess) they're not too far from an island. Bradley is unconscious and Linda sees him washed up on the shore. His leg has been badly cut and she basically saves his life. She stops the bleeding and has built a shelter that would make Boston Rob proud. (You know he'd take her to the end!) When Bradley wakes up, his first priority is to get the hell out of there and is annoyed that Linda has been making shelter and fire and catching fish and gathering rainwater. She tells him she had to do all that stuff for their survival. 

Because of his leg, he is unable to walk so he's completely dependent on Linda. He gets a little snippy with her, telling her he's the boss and she walks away leaving him without water for an entire day in the hot sun. When she comes back with water, she reminds him that the power dynamics have shifted and they're not in the office anymore and he's going to have to listen to her. He knows she's right and he needs her help especially after he's starving and tries to eat a disgusting bug that just turns into goo into his mouth (we know this because he immediately spits it out) and she's a few feet over eating sashimi in frond leaves. She's cutting it with a knife which she tells him she found washed up on the beach. 

The two of them actually do seem to get along. At first. After she's made a spear to kill a boar (a very obvious CGI boar) they're both very happy that they're eating meat and she makes a joke that she's the one that brought home the bacon. I'm glad they're enjoying the meat because it was quite the ordeal for her to kill this boar. She had to stab it about three or four times before it finally died and it was coughing up phlegm and blood in her face. 

While Linda is exploring one day in another part of the beach, she sees a small boat and is about to call out to it, but then quickly hides from the boat, obviously not ready to be rescued. This is a place where she can thrive and she's not ready to go back home. I have to say, if I were stranded on a desert island with someone and I later found out they saw a boat and didn't say call out for help, I would be a little ticked off! 

When Bradley's leg gets better, Linda suggests they go for a walk for him to exercise his leg. She takes him up and around this very precarious path that is carved out on a cliff face. It is very steep and very narrow and very high up. I wouldn't want to walk that with two good legs, sheesh! There is no way you would get me to walk that path, I'll take the long way around, thank you very much! Bradley is hobbling around with a stick as a cane and I thought for sure (even though we were only halfway through the movie) Linda was going to push him off or he would fall to his death. But instead, she points out to a couple of large rocks in the distance and tells him to stay clear of that part of the island because it's covered with poison ivy or some kind of vegetation that will cause his skin to flare up. I knew she was lying and didn't want him there because that was the area of the island where she spotted the boat. I just assumed that was a part o
f the island where a boat could get close enough to land. She also points out some berries that they can eat and those that would be poisonous to them. When they're walking back across the cliff face, there's a piece of rock that's jutting out and when Linda steps on it, she falls. Of course I gasp! Bradley is able to grab her and pulls her up. They are high up! Again, I would avoid walking this cliff at all costs! 

One evening, Linda makes "wine" by fermenting some tropical fruits and they get drunk. I'm not really sure how she made it because she just tells him she made "toilet wine" (yuck!) and she had it ready. I think the script just wanted her to have an excuse to be drunk so she could reveal some dark secrets about herself. She tells Bradley she was married once, about ten years ago, but her husband died. He had been an alcoholic who wasn't a very nice person and whenever he got drunk, Linda would hide his keys so he couldn't drive. One time when he was being particularly cruel to her and asked for his keys, she took them out of her purse and laid them on the table. She tells Bradley that she poured her husband his last drink then after he took the keys, she never saw him alive again. 

Bradley is itching to get off the island. He has a beautiful fiancée, Zuri, back home, who Linda had met because when she barged into Bradley's office, Zuri came in a few minutes later wearing her humongous diamond engagement ring. He says it's been two weeks and there's been no sign of help so he wants to build a raft and find a ship, but Linda quickly nixes this idea. Again, if I were out there with her and found out she had already seen a boat, I would have throttled her. I don't think Linda is against the idea of making a raft for the same reason I would be: the ocean is a vast place. Trying to find a ship would be nearly impossible and the ocean is no place for a makeshift raft. But I'm guessing Linda just wants them to stay on the island. 

Bradley tells her he's made dinner for her. He wanted to do something nice for her since she's been making island life so easy. His intentions become clear when after a few bites, she collapses on the sand. He runs into the jungle and seconds later he reappears, dragging a wooden raft behind him. He shouts, "F*** you, Linda!" and hops onto his rickety raft. I honestly don't know what he's thinking. It's pitch black and the waves are rough. He's okay at first; the first two or three waves are rather gentle, but then the next wave he hits is large and crashes over him. He's relieved because his raft is still intact, but that doesn't last long and the next wave (even bigger than the one before) completely demolishes his raft. He really didn't put any thought in his escape plan. He is soon taken under the water. Linda, who has been poisoned by the berries she told him they couldn't eat, is throwing them up. She pulls Bradley from the water and while attempting to save him, keeps throwing up the berries in his face, so every thirty seconds this yellow goo keeps getting on his face. It was really gross, but also really funny. I mean, he kind of deserved it. She tells him he didn't serve her enough berries to kill her.

There's some tension between them the next morning and the tension will only rise. She offers him some octopus the next morning which he takes. Personally, I thought it looked disgusting You could see the tentacles. I feel confident that even if I were starving, there are some things I wouldn't eat, that included. She tells him she's still feeling queasy from the poisonous berries, so her stomach can't handle anything right now. It doesn't take long before he realizes something is wrong after he takes a bite of the (absolutely disgusting looking) octopus. (And it's not just that it looks disgusting, it looks like it would be chewy! Ugh! I guess what I'm saying is that I don't buy that anyone would voluntarily eat that!) Linda calmly informs him that he's just eaten blue-ringed octopus that has paralyzed him. She tells him it's not deadly and the effects will wear off in a couple of hours. She adds that he won't want to feel "this" and we see her put the knife in the fire to disinfect it. Immediately, I'm having images of Misery and I'm thinking for sure she's going to hack his foot off, though I'm not sure if that little knife can saw through bone, so maybe she's going to cut off a few of his toes so it's difficult to walk, therefore it will be difficult for him to try to escape again. But, no, that's not exactly what she has in mind. She tells him a story about how growing up, she used to have a dog who would keep running away and they solved that problem by having him "fixed." I was like, Oh no, she's not really going to - is she? We see a close up of his face (with tears streaming down) as she takes off his underwear (completely filthy; now I'm sure dirty underwear is the least of your worries if you're stranded on a desert island (and it certainly is the least of Bradley's worries at this very moment!), but eww! It would driver me crazy if I didn't have a clean change of underwear/clothes and had to wear the same thing days on end! :::shudder::: Again, another reason why I wouldn't be able to hack it alone on a deserted island!), then takes the knife. Even though I don't have the same anatomy as Bradley, I was squirming during this scene. We see blood cover his face (ughgughgh!) and Linda jokes that he's "a bleeder". Then she holds up a dead rat and it becomes apparent where the blood came from. She tells him the next time he tries to pull a stunt like the one from last night, "it won't be a rat." Yeah, I think both Bradley and the audience are relieved that she didn't go through with castrating him! 

No surprise, Bradley gives her the silent treatment after this! 

Okay, I may have bit a little bit spoiler-y in some of the things I already shared, but trust me, I'm about to spoil some major things so if you haven't seen this movie yet and do not want to be spoiled, don't read beyond this!

Spoilers ahoy! You have been warned! Don't say I didn't warn you! 

Linda is back in the area where she first saw a boat and lo and behold, she spots another boat! But this time she recognizes one of the people on it. It's Zuri, Bradley's fiancee (it's hard to miss that giant rock on her hand!) and she's with a Thai man who brought her on the boat. Linda doesn't have time to hide. Zuri is thrilled she's found her. She tells Linda the officials gave up the search a while ago, but she never gave up. I feel like the odds are one in a million that you would find someone like that. Unless there was only one island in that area where they could have washed up to, but I highly doubt that's the case. 

Immediately I know this is not good for Zuri and the Thai man. Zuri has already spotted Linda. We all know Linda doesn't want to be rescued (at least not yet!) and she can't just tell her two visitors to go on their merry way. When Zuri asks about Bradley, Linda tells her he's doing great and offers to take him to her. Linda has her handmade woven backpack with her (seriously, she could make a killing on Etsy selling those!) that she has put bananas and other fruit in. The man tells her there's plenty of food on the boat and she doesn't need to take that back, but she tells him she still wants to take it back. This probably should have been the first red flag for him and Zuri, but I can understand them for overlooking that. They're probably thinking Linda is just used to gathering and bringing back food; perhaps she's hasn't quite grasped the fact that she's being rescued!

However, when Linda asks them if anyone else knows that they're there, that should have been a huge red flag! Also, whenever somebody asks you this questions, even if it isn't true, always say yes! This goes into my life rules I learned from movies along with never help a stranger haul stuff into a van or never help somebody find their dog. They tell her exactly what she wants to hear: that nobody else knows they are here. 

Linda takes them on the perilous trek across the dangerous cliff face. Zuri does not seem like the type of girl who would be okay with this so I find it a little unrealistic she doesn't have qualms about this, but she must have been so relieved that she found her fiancé that she doesn't care she has to cross this scary path to get to him. Right before they get to the unsteady part of the path (you know, the one where Linda fell!), Linda bends down to tie her shoe (or pretend to tie!) and tells the others to go around her. They do and Zuri is the first to step on that piece of the path. Down she goes, but the man is able to grab her. He pleads for Linda to help him because he can't pull Zuri up on his own. 

The next scene is back at the camp. We didn't see the outcome, but considering that neither are with her, I think we all know what happened. It's this part of the movie where it's hard to root for Linda anymore; she just killed two innocent people. This is definitely weighing heavily on her conscious because she just sits around, not wanting to do anything. She tells Bradley she's sick and needs a day off from gathering food. That night, she hears a female voice moaning her name and when she walks towards the beach, she sees a tall, gangly figure emerge from the water. It's Zuri, hunched over, walking towards her asking her why she did it. I'm thinking, There's no way she could have survived that fall...and as soon as I think that, we see Linda wake up from her nightmare. But wait...she's still dreaming because we get a jump scare of Zuri as a zombie, THEN Linda finally wakes up. We will see what happened on the cliff later. Linda grabbed a rock and smashed the guy's head with it and he and Zuri fell to their deaths.

The next morning (or maybe it's a few days later...I'm kinda cloudy on how much time has passed), Bradley has seen a boar and decides he's gong to hunt it since it's been awhile since they ate meat. Ha! Good luck with that, I say. Linda had a hard enough time killing one and she is definitely more adapt at island life than he is. Bradley is sneaking up on the boar who is on the beach, sniffing at something and digging around at the sand. The boar hears Bradley and runs off. Bradley sees a hand sticking out of the sand with the glint of a giant diamond ring blinding him. He runs over to it, knowing immediately whose hand it is. He confronts Linda about it and she has to come clean and tell him that Zuri was on the island and that she accidentally slipped on the cliff. It's obvious he doesn't believe her. He asks her why she didn't tell him, which is a good point. 

This results in the two of them getting into a pretty nasty fight which you know was eventually going to happen. Linda had always kept the knife close to her, but while she was sleeping, Bradley had taken it. She runs into the woods and he follows her. I don't know how she had time, but she took off her shoes and unlaced them and when he found her shoes by a tree, she pops up behind him and starts to strangle him. He takes a big chunk of her hair and yanks so hard a part of her scalp falls off. Ughhh - ugh, no, just no. They continue to viciously fight until he runs off. He's headed towards the direction she told him not to go and instead of following him, she takes another way. (Presumably over the dangerous cliff which is a short cut.) 

Bradley keeps on running until he stumbles upon a huge house! Okay, that was a twist I did not see coming! Now I see why Linda didn't want him in that part of the island - it had nothing to do with seeing a boat! He runs up to the house and bangs on the door and window, but it's obvious no one's home. When he looks around there kitchen, he finds a fridge stocked with water and he notices there are no knives in the drawer. Hmm, I wonder where Linda got that knife! 

The movie goes back to the moment Linda saw the boat and this time we watch her watch the boat dock at the house and two men get out and stock the house with essentials (probably all that bottled water). She's close enough to see them punch in the numbers of to the door and now she's able to come and go as she pleases. Apparently some billionaire lives there and didn't notice when she disabled the security. She is talking to Bradley over the intercom. 

He walks cautiously around the house, trying to find her. He's in a room when she rounds the corner with a gun in tow. He holds up his hands in surrender and tells Linda his bs lie about how much he loves her and wants to stay on this island with her. She seems to believe him because she's crying and softening her defenses. I felt this was a little unrealistic that she would actually believe him after all that's happened. But then she notices a statue of a bull or something and it's missing its horns and she knows he has them. Bradley somehow gets the gun and when he turns it on her and pulls the trigger, nothing happens. She overpowers him, grabs a golf club and swings it, but before it reaches his head, we are now on a golf course with Linda dressed in a cute golf outfit with a stylish pony tail and visor. We learn that she was the "only survivor" who was rescued and has written a book about the ordeal. She tells the woman interviewing her, "No help is coming, so you'd better start saving yourself." 

I like the last shot of the movie which is her driving away in her convertible and she gives the camera - and the audience - a knowing look. I bet she would have been a shoo in to be on Survivor after all that! 

Sam Raimi directed this. He's probably best known for directing the Tobey Maguire Spider-Man movies, but I really loved A Simple Plan. I haven't seen it in a while, but I remember thinking it was quite good. I'll have to review that movie in the future. 

This Stitch Has a Glitch

Lilo and Stitch  

Director: Dean Fleischer Camp

Cast: Maia Kealoha, Sydney Agudong, Zach Galifianakis, Billy Magnussen, Tia Carrere, Courtney B. Vance, Hannah Waddington, Chris Sanders

Released: May 23, 2025

Since I already reviewed the animated movie from 2002, I thought I would point out the differences in the live action movie and what worked and what didn't work. For the most part, the movie (like most live action Disney movies that are a take on their animated counterpart) follows the original almost exactly, with just a few tweaks. 

In my other review, I mentioned that Chris Sanders and Dean DuBlois, the directors of the original (and more superior) Lilo and Stitch also directed How To Train Your Dragon from 2010. Chris Sanders (remember, he's also the person who came up with the story for Lilo and Stitch) returns as the voice of Stitch. I bring this up because How To Train Your Dragon was also made into a live action movie that came out about a month after this one and that one was directed by Dean DuBlois. While I like the animated HTTYD better (than its live action counterpart), I think the live action HTTYD works better than the live action Lilo and Stitch. If neither of these movies existed in their animated forms (how sad!) and we only saw them in their live action forms, I could see a world where HTTYD could exist in live action without having an animated counterpart. But if you were to watch live action Lilo and Stitch without any context of the animated movie, it would just be odd. I was really invested in the story of these two orphaned sisters and how they would make ends meet, but when Stitch or the other aliens are on screen, it almost just takes me out of it. I think the 2002 movie works better because you can get away more with the absurdity of the story because it's an animation. When it's live action, you notice the absurdity a lot more and it doesn't fit within the world. If that makes sense.  

My TL;DR sentence: I think both Lilo and Stitch and How To Train Your Dragon work better as animated movies, but HTTYD also works as a live action movie while Lilo and Stitch just feels odd as a live action film. 

(Remember, I'm only comparing the two because both live action adaptions came out within a month of each other and the animated movies were directed by the same guys.)

Obviously, I need to compare and contrast the two titular characters. The gist of both of them is still the same: Lilo, an orphaned girl, befriends this strange "dog" she names Stitch. I know this may sound strange, but one of the things I noticed is that in the animated movie, Lilo and Stitch are the same height (Lilo is very short!). This is not the case in this movie; after all, it would be weird as hell if they made Stitch the same size as a six-year-old. (In the animated movie, I wasn't sure exactly how old Lilo was supposed to be, but in this movie, we get confirmation that she's six.) I feel this makes them almost seen as equals in the animated film while Stitch just feels like her pet (which, to be fair, is what he's supposed to be) in the newer movie. 

Lilo is played by newcomer Maia Kealoha and while she is very cute, she wasn't the best at acting. Look, the girl was probably only seven or eight when she filmed this so I wasn't expecting an Oscar-winning performance, but some of her lines sounded really stilted. I'm thinking in particular of the scene where she and Stitch are in this motorized child's vehicle  (which Stitch hijacked from some poor girl around Lilo's age) driving around the island (it's a Big Wheel in the animated movie!) and Lilo says, "Don't you love living on an island with no big cities? It's just miles and miles of water." The line reading just sounds so stiff; it's almost like they told her what to say right before the scene and she said it, but it came out like a line. Which, technically, it was, but the secret of acting is to make people believe you're not acting! In the animated movie, Lilo has a very similar line, only she says, "It's nice living on an island with no big cities." They probably should have just had live action Lilo (heh...Live Action Lilo...that sounds like a superhero name) say the exact same line and just try to capture Daveigh Chase's natural line reading. 

When Stitch lands on Earth, he comes across an outdoor wedding where "Uptown Funk" is playing and spotting a piece of cake on a table, Stitch uses a golf cart to transport himself there.

Uh...damn, I just realized I'm doing the same thing I did in my review of the originial movie where I refer to Stitch as "Stitch" before he's given the name. Just go with it. It's hard not to call him Stitch, you know?

Anyway, we get this ridiculous scene where the bride and groom are about to do a Dirty Dancing-type dance and before the bride leaps into the groom's arms, Stitch goes flying and ends up in his arms instead and of course the guys is freaked out. I think I would be too if this strange blue furry creature landed on me! Stitch starts running under the tables and people are screaming and freaked out (but not freaked out enough in my opinion! Like what do they think this odd creature is? Surely they know it's nothing of this world!). Someone is trying to smack him with a broom which made me chuckle. I did think it was insane that everyone at this HUGE wedding is looking for him and it seems to take awhile before someone finally notices that he's sitting in the punch bowl (EWWW) and then he jumps into the cake as the grand finale. If I were the bride, I would be PISSED! I will say the image of him having four pieces of cake in each of his hands is pretty funny.

We saw at least one person taking photos of him while he was being chased at the wedding. You would think this would go viral, but it never does. I don't really understand the point of this whole sequence (aside from the silly shenanigan) especially because Stitch will still get run over by a truck (in this case it's a trolley).

The live action movie introduces us to some new characters (and has subtracted at least one pretty big (no pun intended) character. I was okay with these new characters because they made sense in the context of the movie. The first is that Cobra Bubbles is not the social worker. Don't worry, he's still in the movie. Instead the social worker is a woman named Mrs. Kekoa and she's played by Tia Carrere, who was the original voice of Nani, Lilo's older sister. I love that they incorporated someone from the original movie into this one so I'm okay with the change and it was fun seeing the two Nanis interact. 

When Mrs. Kekoa (original Nani) visits the sisters for the first time, they do the similar scene in the 2002 movie where Nani (Sydney Agudong) asks the social worker to wait a minute (because Lilo has locked her out of the house) and she runs into the house (after pushing the back door so hard that the chain keeping it locked breaks) and the camera remains on the social workers as we hear some crashing and the record scratching and Lilo exclaiming, "Hey, don't touch that!" before the Elvis song stop playing. I appreciate that they try to replicate what they do in the animated movie, but it was just done so much better in the 2002 movie. It might have to do with the fact that it is probably easier to convey in an animated movie. 

Nani asks Mrs. Kekoa if she would like anything to drink and when she requests tea, Nani puts Capri Sun in a tea cup and microwaves it. Yuck! I did laugh when Mrs. Kekoa mentions the tea is "pretty sweet" and by the end of their meeting, she knows that it's just heated up Capri Sun. 

She tells Nani that things don't look good and that they "have a new director coming into town next week." When she mentioned that, I figured this must be Cobra Bubbles. She wants to come up with some goals with Nani for her and Lilo to achieve by then. These goals include cleaning the house (including laundry and stocking the fridge), paying all the bills, and filing for health insurance for both her and Lilo. Mrs. Kekoa wants Nani to get all these done by Friday. I'm not sure what day it is now, but I hope it's at least Monday to give her some time to get all this done. 

Another new character is the neighbor lady who almost acts like a grandmother figure to the two girls. At first I thought she was David's mom, but I don't think that's the case. She just seems to know David. But I was fine with this authority figure because that means at least the girls had one adult looking out for them. Although there are a few changes concerning her that irritated me. 

After her visit with Mrs. Kekoa, Nani is chatting with her neighbor and this is when we find out that Nani got accepted to her "dream school" which is UCSD which she wants to go there for marine biology? Uh, do they not have marine biology department at a Hawaiian school? It's Hawaii....I mean, you would think. Her neighbor encourages Nani to attend college, but Nani claims she can't go because she has to watch Lilo. Do these girls not have grandparents or aunts or uncles that can help out? I guess not. This was never really touched on in the animated movie either. It does seem pretty unfair for this eighteen-year-old girl to have to become her sister's mother as well....and we know that Lilo prefers her as a sister than a mom. 

In the animated movie, when Jumba and Pleakley are sent to Earth, they "disguise" themselves by wearing clothes and trying to hide their alien features (which doesn't exactly work), but because we're dealing with the (literal) real world in this movie, Jumba and Pleakley disguise themselves as humans. I'm okay with this change because while it was absurd and funny in the 2002 movie, it wouldn't work here. Even though we're dealing with a universe where aliens do exist, this movie does try to be as realistic as it can. However, the way they come by their disguises just baffled me.  

The two aliens are wearing trench coats and have scarfs and/or handkerchiefs wrapped around their faces, and are wearing big sunglasses and straw hats. They're walking down a busy tourist street with a "Federation-certified cloning device", looking for their prey. They're completely covered up,...except for their tails and Jumba's huge heavy elephant-thick legs. (Don't ask me how nobody noticed THAT!) They look absolutely ridiculous...there's no way they could keep up that disguise without looking suspicious. 

They find two guys (Zach Galifianakis and Billy Magnussen) walking towards them who "look like best friends just like us" according to Pleakley. He knocks over one of the guy's golf bags and helps him with it. He touches the human's arm with his green tentacle and the guys doesn't even seem to notice. Yeah, I call bs. This allows him to become cloned and Jumba does the same thing with the other guy. They have now become those humans...but what happened to the two guys? Are they just laying in the middle of the sidewalk? Did their bodies disappear? Have Pleakley and Jumba completely inhabited these humans? Yeah, they didn't really explain that very well. As far as I know, they just killed those two guys. It was amusing trying to watch them "walk" because they're not used to having human legs, though I would argue at least Pleakley had legs more similar to a human's while Jumba had these huge tree trunks for legs. I have to say, it does feel off Jumba not having a Russian accent, though if you think about it, aliens should not have any accent from this world, much less be able to speak English! When they check into the hotel, they're acting all weird, asking for a "hot tube" and when the receptionist asks where they're from they both reply "Earth" and Jumba adds, "We both grew up in Earth." Wait a sec...aren't you supposed to show some sort of identification (like a driver's license) when you're checking into a hotel? The way these two are acting, I'm surprised the receptionist wasn't a bit more suspicious. These two would have been red flags to me, but they just let it slide for the plot of the movie. 

Later, they see something on the news about a trolley that ran over an unusual creature and that it is recovering at the animal rescue. Video footage of Stitch taken at the wedding is shown, but I still think the whole wedding scene was unnecessary.  

The way Lilo acquires Stitch is a little bit different than the animated movie. She still gets him from the animal shelter, but it's her neighbor who takes her there while Nani is at work. They're actually at some outdoor market and the animal shelter is nearby and Lilo asks if she can look at the dogs. 

Before Lilo arrived, Stitch had escaped from his cage and went outside where he sees a sandwich in the garbage and when he goes to gobble it up, darts are shot at him. Jumba and Peakley had found him because he was wearing a tracking device on his collar. He uses the garbage lid to shield himself from the darts and goes back in through the front door where he walks on the ceiling while Lilo is talking to the girl at the front desk. 

It's the neighbor that allows Lilo to get her new blue "dog" after Lilo begs her. I can't believe she just bought a dog without Nani's permission. In the animated movie, it was Nani who took her to the animal shelter with the intention of getting her a dog. I'm not sure why they changed it. Obviously, when they get home, Nani is not happy about this new pet and I don't blame her one bit. An animal is a big responsibility and they already have enough to deal with. The neighbor tells her it was her idea to get Lilo the animal because "a pet might bring some joy." Okay, then maybe suggest that to Nani first, then let Nani take Lilo to the shelter to pick out a pet. 

Stitch being a lil sh*t #1

Lilo and her new pet are in the truck with Nani who's driving to work. (Another difference is that in the animated movie they walked everywhere while in this movie they have the convince of a car.) Stitch is just being an *$$h0le and going wild, messing around with the radio, honking the horn, taking out the CD (who still listens to CDs in cars? What is this? 2002?) and throwing it out the window where it hits the car behind them. Like, Stitch was annoying in the animated movie, but he's probably even more annoying in this one. He rips the fabric of the seat with his claw and Nani comments they'll have to stitch that up.

For some reason, this causes Lilo to scream bloody murder. Nani stops the car and asks, "What?", obviously concerned that something has happened. Lilo replies, "That's his name, Stitch!" Seriously, you screamed like you were getting murdered for that? Why? Anyway, I liked how Stitch got his name in the 2002 movie better. Lilo just straight up said "His name is Stitch" and that was it. Plus she didn't scream before she thought of it, so that's a plus. I don't know why they needed a reason for his name to be Stitch. Sometimes kids just think up a name for their pet as soon as they get them. 

When Nani starts the car, she almost hits the two aliens disguised as humans who are standing on a crosswalk. They know that Stitch knows he's safe as long as he's with Lilo because they can't be attacking him if he's near humans. Nani apologizes to them for almost hitting them and as she continues to drive, Jumba throws a tracking device which attaches itself underneath the car. (Stitch must have gotten rid of the collar with the tracking device earlier.) 

Stitch being a lil sh*t #2

While they're at the outdoor restaurant where Nani works at, Stitch continues to be super annoying. He goes over to this little kiosk that serves drinks and takes out a sprayer and shouts, "Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam!" before spraying Lilo with it and they get into a soda spraying fight. This is not in the animated movie and I have no doubt they wanted to add more obnoxious things for Stitch to do because the kids watching this movie would love it. 

During a fire twirling performance, Stitch decides to grab his own pair of fire sticks and starts twirling them. When he sees a security guard running towards him, he throws the sticks and one of them lands on a table and starts a fire. This is way worse than what happened in the animated movie. (He attacks Jumba and Pleakley who are not here.) The fire is put out, but Nani's boss gives her the death stare. Nani knows who did this and turns to give Lilo and Stitch the death stare of her own. 

Stitch continues to act like an @$$hole. He tries to high five Lilo, but even she knows the situation isn't good and refuses. 

Now we see Jumba and Pleakley show up just as the sisters are leaving. There is a funny scene of Jumba trying to drive a golf cart and he doesn't know how to start it because "there are no instruments." 

It's interesting that after animated Nani gets fired from her job, she doesn't blame it on Lilo, but when real girl Lilo makes a remark that Nani didn't even like that job, Nani snaps, "I don't want to hear it." (Though I certainly don't blame her for being pissed!) 

Stitch being a lil sh*t #3

I've already mentioned that they made Stitch way more annoying in this movie. Well, remember how bad he was the first time he's introduced to the house in the animated movie? He might be even worse during this scene in this movie. They try to give him a bath, but he ends up in the toilet, then goes to the kitchen and wipes his bum across the floor, ewww. He turns on the stove and he smacks Nani in the face (twice!) with the freezer door when he's holding on to the fridge handle and she's trying to grab him. Lilo pulls the "Ohana means family" guilt trip on her and that's how Stitch stays, but if I were Nani, I would tell Lilo, "F Ohana, we're taking this terror mutt back to the pound!" 

We do see Scrump (Lilo's ragdoll) when Lilo shows her to Stitch and tells him, "You can play with Scrump, but be nice." 

Okay, remember when Mrs. Kekoa told Nani that a new director was coming next week and I thought it would be Cobra Bubbles? Well, I was wrong. When we meet Special Agent Bubbles (Courtney B. Vance), he's in a field studying an odd vessel that crashed in a tree (clearly the spaceship Stitch crashed). He's with other agents and one of them tells him, "There's no sign of a pilot, no tracks, no trails." It turns out he bugged the home of the sisters (not sure when that happened) and when he heard a social worker would be coming to the house, he asked an agent for the social worker and remarked, "I'm going undercover." 

At the beach, during the surfing scene, Jumba and Peakley shoot darts at Stitch who falls into the water. He keeps scrambling on top of Lilo's head making her sink so he won't. While all this is going on, Cobra is on the beach and sees that he's not the only one after Stitch. 

Once Lilo gets back to shore, there is a big difference where Nani tells someone to call an ambulance after Lilo spits out some water. I'm not really 100% sure about water safety, but I feel like she's probably okay and the ambulance wasn't needed? Maybe? IDK? I mean, she spit out the water and is breathing okay. 

Looks like I'm right because at the hospital, the doctor pretty much tells Nani that Lilo's going to be okay. Stitch is there too, sitting on David's lap and I'm thinking, They're allowed to bring this animal in the hospital when the doctor asks, "Is that a-" and David says, "It's a service animal." Service animal, my ass! When the doctor mentions she can go up front where they can run her insurance, Nani has a look of horror on her face because there is no insurance. Again, why did you call the ambulance and bring her to the hospital when she was breathing on her own two seconds after getting pulled from the water? 

She must have called Mrs. Kekoa because in the next scene we see her sitting with Nani in the hospital hall, outside of Lilo's room. She tells her, "There's a way that the state will pay for all of this, but it means you have to official relinquish guardianship of Lilo." When Lilo is released from the hospital, Nani tells her they're going to "have to make some changes." 

There's a sweet moment where Lilo and Nani are cuddled on the hammock together singing a song while Nani strums a ukulele and Nani tells her, "I want you to know, whatever happens, I love you so much much."  While this is going on, Stitch leaves and ends up back at the animal shelter. 

The Ugly Duckling storyline is not in this movie which felt a little jarring since in the original film he feels lost like the duck and it was a great analogy. Instead, Lilo shows him a photo book of her family when her parents were alive. I mention this because in the animated film Lilo tells Stitch can go if he wants and he grabs the book before leaving.

The next morning, Mrs. Kekoa and Mr. Bubbles have come to get Lilo, but when Nani goes in her room, she isn't there. Instead, she is outside looking for Stitch. It's interesting that in the animated movie she gives permission for Stitch to go, so there's a big difference there. 

Like the 2002 movie, the Councilwoman checks in with Pleakley and Jumba from time to time. She is not happy that 626 hasn't been captured yet and basically gives Agent Pleakley the go ahead to arrest Jumba and bring him back to Turo, but Jumba has other plans. I mentioned earlier a pretty major character is missing and that is Gantu the humongous elephant/shark-like alien. Instead, they make Jumba the Big Bad of the movie. I don't love this change, but I do understand why they did it. When Lilo eventually finds Stitch at the animal shelter where he's back in his cage and after a heartfelt conversation, Jumba enters and chases them to Lilo's house. 

During the house raid, in front of Lilo, Jumba tells Stitch the only reason he manipulated  Lilo into choosing him at the animal shelter was for his own protection and if does care about Lilo, then he'll leave her here. Stitch surrenders and lets Jumba put the tracking collar on him and follows him to his spaceship. I should also mention that Jumba is now in his alien form during all this. 

We're about an hour and ten minutes into the movie at this point and I can't help but notice that Stitch knows quite a bit of English...more than he did in the animated movie. I don't remember him speaking in full sentences; I just remembered him maybe uttering a word or two in English to make his point so the humans could understand him, but here it seems like he's just having full blown conversations. 

So now we're to the part where the house has collapsed and Nani, David, Cobra, and the neighbor lady find the debris. Pleakley appears from a pile of rubble and tells them Lilo's not there, that she's on the space ship. That's another slight difference, In the 2002 movie, Gantu captured Lilo and Stitch and put them in the capsule attached to his space craft. Here, Jumba's only interested in Stitch and Lilo sneaks on the space ship. I don't remember how Pleakley knows this...I guess he saw her? 

This whole scene in the animated movie is pretty insane with Stitch trying to save Lilo and crashing and hijacking a semi truck and driving it into a volcano....the 2025 movie doesn't do any of that...probably because it's insane and would be a bitch to do all that. That said, it's still pretty crazy, just not crashing into a volcano crazy. 

Just before Jumba is about to put an end to Stitch, Lilo crawls out from her hiding space and distracts him long enough for Stitch to escape from his constraints. Lilo is way too laid back for the situation she's put herself into. She's not scared at all. She's calling Jumba names like Pizza Face and making cracks about him having a disco ball in his space ship. (What was that all about anyway?) Maybe she feels confident because she has Stitch on her side, but she doesn't seem to realize what she's gotten herself into. 

Jumba falls out of the ship and the vessel crashes into the ocean. Lilo is stuck under some wreckage and Stitch is able to lift it up (remember, he's super strong) so she can escape. She tries to save Stitch, but he's too heavy. I think one thing this movie does better than the animated movie is remind us that Stitch becomes super heavy when he gets wet because his molecular density is too great. In the animated movie, it's easy to forget about that because it's only mentioned once in the beginning and when David rescues him after the surfing incident, he doesn't seem to have any issue. Of course, in this movie, live action David does the same and doesn't seem to have any issues so David must have some super strength for a skinny guy. 

Nani puts Lilo on David's surfboard and Lilo begs her to save Stitch and reminds her about Ohana and asks, "What about nobody gets left behind?" They're probably about a half mile (or maybe closer to shore). Nani dives down and scoops up Stitch and walks across the ocean floor holding him like he's an anvil. This reminded me of that one Survivor challenge (don't ask me what season, but probably one in the late teens or early twenties) where the players had to dive down to the ocean floor and carry a heavy chest to the shore...of course they would come up with air and dive down again while Nani seems to do this in one go. I'm impressed she can hold her breath for that long. I'm also a little  skeptical she was able to do that. 

She makes it to the beach and they try to revive him, but it doesn't look like he's going to make it and there's sad music and everyone's sad. Like, who are we kidding here? It's f***ing Lilo and Stitch. We know he doesn't die in the original (spoiler alert!) so we know he'll make it. This felt a little like emotional manipulation.

Then the Councilwoman arrives to take 626 and we're back in sync with the 2002 movie, the only difference here is that they take out Stitch belonging to Lilo because she owns him since she paid for him. I guess we never saw her pay for her new pet in this movie (I'm guessing her neighbor bought him for her) so instead Cobra and Pleakley make a deal with her that Pleakley will watch over Stitch and Cobra will make sure this will never be found out and she seem satisfied with this. I guess they forgot about all those videos taken of Stitch at that wedding. 

There are a few loose ends that we need to tie up. The neighbor lady (you can probably tell that I don't remember her name) has offered to take in Lilo so she'll still be next door. Wouldn't have this been easier if she had just done this a long time ago? This just seems way too easy and it's a bit dumb they didn't think of this before. 

Nani ends up going to college in San Diego to study marine biology and after the ending montage set to "Burning Love" (it's not Elvis or Wynona singing it; it's two kids who are Bruno Mars' nephews (now I get why they had "Uptown Funk" playing during the wedding scene) and let's just say these kids didn't inherit their uncle's talent...I'll just leave it at that. 

The very last scene of the movie, we see Lilo talking to Nani on FaceTime and Nani tells her to "hold on a sec" and disappears from the frame. Lilo is asking her questions about her dorm room and college life, but Nani isn't responding and Lilo asks her where she went. We then see a light and a hand reaches out to touch Lilo's foot. It's Nani behind her and she's come through a portal with one of the ray guns the aliens brought with them. Oh, did I not mention these? They're laser guns you can shoot and it can make you go from one place to another in an instant. It's insane that the girls were able to keep this and I am 110% positive the only reason they had Nani go to college in San Diego was so they could have this asinine scene. 

It felt like they were trying to shove Stitch in our faces, like "Look how cute he is! You came to see this movie because you love Stitch!" There's even a scene where Pleakley mentions to Jumba how cute or adorable Stitch is (I can't remember the exact context) and it just felt like it was pandering to the Stitch Stans (heh). I don't even think this Stitch was even cute. I love animated Stitch, but CGI Stitch is f***ing annoying as hell. 

Skip this one and watch the animated movie. 

Alien Nation

Lilo and Stitch

Directors: Chris Sanders and Dean DuBlois

Voice Talent: Daveigh Chase, Tia Carrere, Ving Rhames, Chris Sanders, David Ogden Stiers, Jason Scott Lee

Released: June 21, 2002

Viewed in theaters: July 15, 2002

Oscar nomination:

Best Animated Movie (lost to Spirited Away)

Lilo and Stitch is an animated Disney movie I like and enjoy very much, but I wouldn't put it in my top ten of favorite animated Disney movies of all time. Perhaps it would crack the top 20 or 25 and that's pretty good considering there's 64 animated Disney movies (a quick Google search helped me answer that). It is my favorite animated Disney movie from the aughts (that's what we call the decade spanning from 2000-2009, right?) although I haven't seen all the animated Disney movies from that era (the post-Disney Renaissance era I believe it's called), but something tells me Chicken Little or Home on the Range (which I haven't seen) aren't going to change my mind.

The directors, Chris Sanders and Dean DuBlois, would go on to direct one of my favorite (non-Disney) animated movies that would come out eight years later: How to Train Your Dragon. There's actually a few similarities between the two movies with a misunderstood character befriending an unusual creature. 

Before you ask, I do plan to do a review of the live action Lilo and Stitch that came out last year. I thought about doing them in the same review, but decided against it. 

Lilo and Stitch is a bit of a departure from other Disney animated movies that are often taken from tales and stories that have already been written or told. This movie was completely created by the director (and the voice of Stitch), Chris Sanders. According to Wikipedia, he had had the idea for Stitch and the story since 1981. I have to hand it to him; can you imagine coming up with one of the most beloved Disney characters? My ten-year-old niece absolutely loves him. 

Stitch starts the movie as Experiment 626. (Hmmm....I should've waited until June 26 to post this! I did notice the movie was released on June 21...they couldn't wait until the 26th? I asked Google what day that was and it was a Wednesday, so I guess they went with the Friday before that.) 

On the planet Turo, an alien scientist named Dr. Jumba Jookiba (voiced by David Ogden Stiers with a heavy Russian accent) has created Experiment 626. According to Jumba, this newly created alien "is bulletproof, fireproof, and can think faster than supercomputer. He can see in the dark and move objects 3,000 times his size. His only instinct, to destroy everything he touches." Okay, then, what exactly is the point of creating this monstrosity? This seems super dangerous. 

The other aliens seem to agree with me. There is a council of aliens led by the Grand Councilwoman who believes Experiment 626 is "an affront to nature and must be destroyed." The Councilwoman asks the strange blue creature to give them some sign that he understands what's going on and this is when he says those strange words, "Meegla nala kweesta!" I looked this up on Google translate (just kidding; I just Googled what it meant); it means "I will destroy." Even if I didn't know that, it was pretty obvious he said something pretty horrific because all the aliens look shook to the core and one of the aliens (who looks like a robot...perhaps he was also created by Jumba) starts throwing up nuts and bolts and that made me laugh. 

The Council decides to banish him "to exile on a desert asteroid." While he is being held, the small but powerful alien is able to escape. The aliens are able to trace where he's heading and they discover it's "a planet called Ee-arth." The Councilwoman demands an expert on the planet. (Surely, she's at least heard of Earth, right?) When she is told that most of Earth is covered in water, she comments, "He won't survive in water. His molecular density is too great." Okay, what are the odds that there would be TWO movies in 2002 where aliens have an aversion to water?*

We see on the computer monitor that he's getting closer to a group of islands (clearly Hawaii) and will land on solid ground in a little over three hours. The Councilwoman's solution? "We have to gas the planet." Gee, that's a little extreme! Agent Pleakley, the earth aficionado, tells her to hold off on that thought: "Earth is a protected wildlife preserve. They've been using it to rebuild the mosquito population which is an endangered species." Hmm, something tells me wherever he got his information from was very, very wrong, but it is pretty funny thinking of the mosquito as an endangered species. 

Pleakley shoots down all the (awful) idea the Councilwoman has to extract Experiment 626 before she decides to enlist Jumba to get him back. After all, who better to retrieve the alien than the scientist who created it? The Earth expert will also be joining him. Jumba had been sent to prison but the Councilwoman tells him they "are willing to trade [his] freedom for [Experiment 626's] capture." 

Luckily, all this outer space stuff is the first five minutes of the movie and now we'll be spending the rest of our time in Hawaii where we meet the other half of our duo, Lilo (voiced by Daveigh Chase), a young girl (I'm guessing she's around eight?) who lives with her older sister, Nani (voiced by Tia Carrere). Nani is also Lilo's guardian because their parents died in a car accident. I'm guessing Nani is at least eighteen. I guess she'd have to be if she can be her younger sister's guardian! 

Lilo is late for her hula dance class. She's dripping water all over because she's just been in the ocean and this causes all the other young dancers to slip. Her instructor asks her why she is drenched (duh, obviously she's been in the water!) and she replies, "It's sandwich day." I love how it's Lilo who sighs irritably when he gives her a puzzled look, when really, it should be the dance instructor giving the irritated sigh as one of his students has arrived late and has made the other dances slip and fall because she's trailing in water. Lilo continues with her excuse: "Every Thursday, I take Pudge the fish a peanut butter sandwich..." She says they were out of peanut butter and and when she asked her sister what she should give him, she said a tuna sandwich. That Nani has a sick, twisted mind! Lilo says she'd be "an abomination" if she gave Pudge tuna and she's "late because [she] had to go to the store and get peanut butter." (Really? That's the reason she's late? It's not the fact that she went out in the ocean to feed a fish? Also, how does she find this particular fish? Is it always in the same spot?) This dance instructor has the patience of a saint. He asks her why this is so important and she tells him, "Pudge controls the weather." One of Lilo's classmates, a little redheaded girl with glasses named Mertle Edmonds (who's a real b*tch), tells her, "You're crazy!" Lilo does not take so kindly to this and pounces on her and starts punching her in the face. 

When the teacher gets her off of the other girl, Lilo immediately apologizes. Let me emphasize that she's apologizing to her teacher, not the girl she just pummeled. But Mertle probably wouldn't have accepted Lilo's apology anyway. The teacher has Lilo wait outside and tells her he called her sister and she should wait there until Nani comes to get her. When the class ends, Lilo sees the other girls walking home with their dolls. She joins them and when she asks if they're going to play dolls, they all hide their dolls behind their backs. Mertle sneers at her, "You don't have a doll." Now I usually don't condone violence, but this girl is a l'il b*tch and probably deserved to have her face smashed in by Lilo. Lilo takes out her version of a doll, a bean bag shaped thing with button eyes and a stitched mouth and a bow on top. She introduces them to Scrump and tells them she made her. All the girls gasp in horror like she's the little girl from The Ring. **

She says a few more things about her doll and when she looks up, all the girls have gone. In a really heartbreaking scene, she throws her doll on the ground and stomps off, but then quickly turns back to collect the doll, hugging it. 

Nani arrives at the dance school and doesn't see her sister. She runs home and on the way there, a car almost runs into her. She screams at the driver, "Hey! Watch where you're going!" and kicks the bumper and calls the driver "stupid head." She'll soon realize this was't the smartest thing to do.

When she reaches the house, the front door is locked and she pokes her head through the doggy door and sees Lilo lying on the floor listening to "Heartbreak Hotel." (We'll soon find out that Lilo is quite the Elvis aficionado.) Nani reminds her "the social worker's going to be here any minute" and Lilo tells her to go away, then increases the volume on the record player. (Yes, she listening to a record player! Lilo likes vinyl!) 

The reason yelling at the driver wasn't the smartest thing for Nani to do is because the driver of that car just so happens to be the social worker (voiced by Ving Rhames). He comes up the stairs while Nani is still half inside the house through the doggy door. Lilo has actually nailed the door shut (seems a little extreme for a little girl to do!) and Nani grabs a hammer to take out the nails. As she's doing that, she says to Lilo, "You are so finished when I get in there! I'm going to stuff you in the blender, push "puree", then bake you into a pie and feed it to the social worker." The social worker in question is now by her legs protruding from the doggy door and has heard every word she just uttered. Nani continues, "And when he says, "Mmm, this is great? What's your secret? I'm going to say..." At this point, the social worker hooks his foot on her legs and pulls her out and she looks up at him and says, "Love...and nurturing." She nervously says to the man, "You must be the..." and he answers for her, "The stupid head." Not a great start with the social worker, there! And it will continue to not be so great. 

He introduces himself as Mr. Bubbles and asks Nani if she's going to invite him in and she tells him she thought they could sit out on the front stoop and talk, but he's not having it. She tells him to follow her and they go around back and she tells him to wait there while she runs around to the side of the house. I'm sure Mr. Bubbles can sniff the bulls*t already! There is a hilarious moment where, while he is waiting, he hears glass breaking, something crashing, the record player scratching quickly followed by the sound of the music stopping and Lilo whining, "Hey!" I love this scene and it makes me laugh because the audience doesn't see any thing that just happened...the camera was on Bubbles the whole time (which seemed to only take about five seconds!). The door opens and Nani is panting with sweaty strands of hair in her face. She offers some lemonade to Bubbles. 

He comes in and asks her, "Do you often leave your sister home alone?" She tells him never, except just this once because she had to run to the store. They're in the kitchen and he looks at the stove which has four pots cooking something on each burner and the counter is full of disgusting dirty dishes Bubbles asks her, "You left the stove on while you were out?" 

Luckily a distraction in the form of Lilo comes in and Nani introduces her to Mr. Bubbles. He extends out a hand for her to shake and Lilo comments, "Your knuckles say Cobra." He asks her if she's happy and she tells him, "I'm adjusted. I eat four food groups and look both ways before crossing the street." It's clear that this is a rehearsed speech and we see Nani behind Bubbles (I'm not sure if I should call him "Bubbles" or "Cobra"; they're both equally ridiculous, so I'll just stick with "Bubbles") signaling to Lilo what to say. Lilo also adds that she "gets disciplined" when Nani holds up her fists. I think she's holding them up in triumph for Lilo following the script, but she should have just given her a thumbs up. She did not intend for Lilo to say she gets disciplined! Nani holds up her palm, trying to stop her and Lilo takes this as she "gets disciplined five times a day with a brick." I'm not sure where she's getting punished by a brick with Nani just holding up her hand. Of course, she could just be being a little sh*t because that's what Lilo is at times. 

Before he leaves, Bubbles tells Nani something she already knows: "This did not go well." He adds that he is "giving her three days to change [his] mind." 

The two sisters get into a shouting match when Nani asks Lilo if she understands she could be taken away. Lilo stomps up to her room and screams into a pillow while Nani simultaneosy screams into a pillow on the living room couch. Some time has elapsed and a much more calm Nani brings up some pizza for Lilo and she tells her she shouldn't have yelled at her and Lilo replies, "We're sisters. It's our job." She also adds, "I like you better as a sister than a mom." 

The lights go off and they hear a booming noise in the distance. Lilo goes to her window and sees what she thinks is "a falling star." She shoos her sister out of her room so she can make a wish. Nani opens the door to overhear Lilo saying a little prayer by her bed and asking God or TPTB to "send me an angel...the nicest angel you have." 

There's a funny juxtaposition to Stitch (as you may have guessed, the crash the girls (and I'm sure everyone else within a 50 mile radius) heard was Stitch's spaceship crash landing) who is standing on a pile of rocks looking like a devil. His six legs have their sharp claws protruded, his eyes are narrowed, and he has a demonic smile and laughs manically with a big plume of smoke behind him. 

He has a laser gun and when a couple drops of rain plop down, he shoots at them until it's full on pouring. A couple of trucks that are connected run him over and because he is indestructible he doesn't get smooshed...too bad. The driver stops to see what he hit and finds the strange creature jammed above the tire and calls the animal shelter. Stitch wakes up in a kennel he's sharing with three dogs who are all in a corner cowering and terrified of the strange creature. One dog is even covering his eyes with his paws. Stitch goes to get his laser but finds he no longer has it. 

It just so happens that Nani happens to be at the shelter with Lilo and we hear her say, "We're looking for something that can defend itself...something that won't die...something sturdy, you know?" I found "something that won't die" a bit strange for her to say. Does she think she's getting a goldfish? I would assume when you're getting a dog you expect it to live for a good while so that was just an odd thing to say. While they're talking, Stitch scuttles across the ceiling and out the door where a red laser immediately points at him and he goes back inside and crawls along the ceiling and into the back room without anyone noticing him. As you may have guessed, Jumba was the one pointing his laser gun at him. 

Lilo is allowed to go back into the backroom to choose a dog and she doesn't see any because they're all hiding in the rafters from Stitch. He sees a poster of a little girl hugging a dog with the message "Adopt today" and disguises himself to be more doglike so he retracts his extra pair of arms, he gets rid of the spiny things on his back, and hides the antenna on his head. While it helps him not look so strange, he still doesn't look like a dog to me. Later, Nani will liken him to an "evil koala" and that comparison makes more sense. He really does sort of resemble a koala...at least more than a dog. 

Okay, I need to pause here because I just realized I've been doing something without noticing until now. I've been calling Stitch "Stitch". Yes, I know that's his name, but remember, he technically hasn't been named "Stitch" yet (though he will soon). I think he's just so engraved in pop culture that he's always just been Stitch. It's hard to forget for the first twenty-five minutes of the movie he's just known as Experiment 626. Now I could go back and just change all my "Stitch" mentions to "Experiment 626" but eh, I just decided to write this explanation and you can read why I was calling him "Stitch" before he got the name. C'est la vie. 

Stitch appears in front of Lilo who says "hi" and he sounds out the word and hugs her. Being that he can talk and he's the only "dog" around, Lilo is adamant about getting him, but Nani is not so sure. When the woman filling out the forms asks Lilo what she wants to name her new dog, she decides on Stitch. The woman tells her, "Now that's not a real name," but Nani quickly quiets her and she adds, "In Iceland." Why would this woman, who I assume has helped many people adopt dogs at this animal shelter, tell a kid that the name she picked is not a real name? Surely she has seen many kids name their dog something out of the ordinary. I would think she would know not to tell them that the name the chose isn't "a real name." Also, she's a bespectacled redhead so I wonder if she's Mertle's mom? It would make sense: they both look alike and neither have people skills. 

Stitch costs Lilo (who bothers the money from her sister) $2. I have to say, that's a steal. I got my cat, Milo (who just celebrated his 19th birthday!), in 2007 for $125. 

Jumba and Peakley are situated on a hill and when Stitch sets foot outdoors, the laser is pointed at him, but he starts barking and Lilo steps outside beside him. Jumba is about to take his shot, but Peakley grabs the laser from him and tells him, " I have just determined this situation to be far too hazardous!" Angry that Experiment 626 is using this girl as a shield, Jumba starts down the hill, ready to charge the blue alien, but Peakley tells him they cannot be seen and that they "have to blend in." 

Nani tells Lilo she has to go to work (she's a waitress at a restaurant) and reminds her to "stick around town and stay out of the roads." Now I don't think we're ever told Lilo's age, but she can't be no older than eight. (Of course she is an animated characters...I can barely tell the age of kids in real life!) She seems a little young to be left by herself without a baby-sitter, let alone allowing to be running around the island town they live in as long as she doesn't leave the town. Oh, well, I guess I shouldn't question an animated movie about an alien that looks like an evil koala. 

Lilo goes outside and runs into the girls from her dance class on their Big Wheels with that b*tch Mertle Edmonds leading the pack. Lilo apologizes to her for what happened previously, but Mertle says, "Apology not accepted." Stitch walks over to her and Mertle shrieks. Lilo tells them, "I got a new dog. His name is Stitch." Mertle, the Little B*tch (TM) tells her, "That is the ugliest thing I have ever saw." Well, Mertle, have you looked in a mirror? You're no prize yourself. Stitch walks over to the Big Wheel she was riding in and dumps her out of it and starts riding away and Lilo jumps on behind him. I love how this movie doesn't give an eff about how absurd it is as times. Because it already knows it's an absurd movie. I loved Mertle's "Wahhhhh! Wahhhh!" cries. 

Stitch is driving the Big Wheel everywhere but is frustrated when he keeps finding water. It's when Lilo says, "It's nice to live on an island with no large cities" that he realizes there's no escape. I'm not really sure what he's trying to find; I assume a way to escape, but where does he plan to go? Well, for now he's stuck with Lilo on this island! 

That evening, they go to the restaurant Nani works at. A friend/possible love interest of hers, David, also works there and Lilo shows him her new dog. She adds, "He used to be a collie before he got ran over." I'm not really sure where she got that information! Jumba and Peakley are also sitting nearby. They've disguised themselves but it's hilarious because you can tell they're still aliens. Jumba has four tiny eyes while Peakley has this one huge eye in the middle of his head. They try to lure Stitch away from his table with a piece of chicken tied to a rope which he follows. Stitch absolutely loves food. Nani had brought two pieces of cake, one for Lilo and one for Stitch (who brings a dog a piece of cake?) and Stitch eats both pieces. He realizes he shouldn't have done then when Lilo gives an incredulous "Hey!" He hacks up both pieces and digs in his throat to add the cherry on top. Ewww. That's my response and Lilo's response! Anyway, he follows the piece of chicken and Jumba grabs him and there's a big fight. Nani sees this as Stitch attacking patrons and throws a punch at him. Her boss comes up to her and asks her if that's her dog, then tells her it's not working out and she leaves. When Lilo asks her if she lost her job "because of Stitch and me", Nani tells her no and adds that her manager is a vampire "and he wanted me to join his legion of the undead." 

This is the first time Stitch is seeing the house even though he's been with Lilo nearly all day. Lilo tells him he'll like his new home a lot. She shows him a pillow and he starts tearing it apart. Well, at least he acts like a dog! Nani thinks they should take him back and doesn't think he's a dog. Yes, exactly! How can anyone think that's a dog? Lilo replies, "He's just cranky because it's his bedtime."

Nani still wants to take him back and I can't really blame her because he's wrecking havoc around their house. He's scratching the walls and turning on the blender and making a mess. Lilo tells her, "He was an orphan and we adopted him. What about "ohana"? Nani tells her he hasn't been with them that long and Lilo replies, "Neither have I. Dad said 'Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten." She totally guilt trips her sister into letting Stitch stay. I do understand where Lilo is coming from. They've only had Stitch for one day. I think it's only fair they give it time before they just give up and send him back, but I don't agree with her comparing herself to Stitch when she told Nani she hasn't been with her that long. Lilo, girl, there's a huge difference between you, Nani's sister, and some "dog" you just adopted from the animal shelter. 

Lilo takes Stitch upstairs to her room and shows him a little dog bed on the floor next to her bed, but he wants her bed instead. Heh, reminds me of my cat. Not only does he sleep on my bed, but he wants to sleep on my pillows...the same ones where I'm resting my head! Stitch moves her pillows and sees a photo of Lilo's parents that Lilo is quite possessive of. She grabs the photo and tells him, "Be careful of that! You don't touch this! Don't ever touch it!" With all due respect to Lilo, maybe she should keep that picture in a more secure place. 

Jumba and Peakley are spending their first night on Earth camping outside. Peakley is excited when a mosquito lands on him and says, "This mosquito has chosen me as her perch." Then another one, and another one, and soon he's covered with a swarm of them.  "They like me! They're nuzzling my flesh with their noses!" He's all happy until he's not and screams in horror. It's a humorous scene because we're about to get a sad scene.

Back at the house, while Lilo is sleeping, Stitch is going through Lilo's bookshelf. One of them has the title "Roadmaps of Iowa" and I have so many questions. Why is this in the room of a little girl who lives in Hawaii and can't even drive? Were her parents planning on taking their daughters to visit Iowa and they were going to drive around the state? Maybe when you live in Hawaii, you want to visit a mundane state like Iowa. (I can say that because my parents are both from Iowa and many of my family members live there so it's basically like my second home state.) It was just so random! At first I thought that maybe one of the directors might be from Iowa, but when I looked them up I found Sanders is from Colorado and DuBlois is from Quebec. Because he has no decency for other people's property, Stitch is just tearing out pages of the books he's looking at. The fourth book he takes off the shelf has a drawing of a duck on the cover. He wakes Lilo and points at an illustration in the book. She tells him, "That's The Ugly Duckling." The page he's pointing to shows the duck crying, "I'm lost!" and looking distressed. Lilo explains to him, "See? He's sad because he's all alone and nobody wants him." The camera pans over to the next page where the duck is shown literally reunited with his family. Gee, that got resolved awfully quickly! No suspense at all! That made me laugh. Lilo explains this much happier page (right next to the super sad page! Now that's whiplash for your emotions!) to Stitch: "But on this page, his family hears him crying and they find him. Then the Ugly Duckling is happy because he knows where he belongs." I think we just figured out the theme to this movie! 

The next day Cobra Bubbles comes back to the house a tells Nani he heard she lost her job. She tells him she quit because "the hours are just not conducive to the challenge of raising a child." Stitch throws a book at him and when he asks what "that thing" is, Lilo delightfully exclaims, "My puppy!" He tells her the next time he comes, he wants her dog to become "a model citizen." 

Now I should mention that for some unexplained reason, Lilo is a huge fan of the King. I mentioned earlier she was listening to Elvis when she had locked her sister out of the house and she discovers if she hooks Stitch up to the record player and open his mouth, it will play her Elvis record. We get a montage of Elvis singing "Devil in Disguise" (a perfect song for Stitch!) as Nani is looking for a new job. At the same time, Lilo is teaching Stitch to be a "model citizen." (Why a pet needs to be a model citizen is beyond me. Pets can't understand that concept!) Lilo takes out a photograph of Elvis and tells Stitch, "Elvis Presley was a model citizen. I've compiled a list of his traits for you to practice." What made me laugh is that the picture was a real-life picture of Elvis; it wasn't a cartoon drawing of him. It reminded me of when they would use real life photographs on South Park. The traits Stitch learns includes dancing and playing the guitar. I have no idea how this is supposed to make him a "model citizen." Hey, Lilo, how about you tell your "dog" not to throw things at people? 

Everytime Nani finds a possible new job prospect, it gets ruined because of Stitch causing shenanigans. 

 

David takes the sisters and Stitch surfing while Jumba and Pleakley spy on them. Jumba is wondering why Stitch is willing to go into the water. They decide to investigate and go out into the water and while surfing through a giant wave, Jumba appears through the water and grabs Stitch who's at the back of the board. 

This disrupts the balance and the girls fall off and pop up in the water. Stitch also pops up and Jumba grabs him from underwater. Stitch starts to panic when he's taken under and takes Lilo with him. David and Nani dive down and Jumba lets go of Stitch and hides in the murky water. Nani kicks Stitch so he lets go of Lilo and she brings her up to the surface. Stitch is sinking, but David manages to grab him.  

Cobra Bubbles is on the beach (he always seems to be around at the worst times) and Nani tries to explain what happened. He tells her "I know you're trying, but you need to think about what's best for Lilo. Even if it removes you from the pictures." He tells her he'll be back tomorrow morning for Lilo. 

After the two sister leave, David says to Stitch (I love that Lilo just leaves her new pet behind, but I get it was done for purposes), "I really believed they had a chance...then you came along." At least Stitch has the decency to look guilty. 

Stitch finds a photo of Lilo and Nani with their parents and Lilo explains her parents died in a car crash when it was raining. She asks, "What happened to yours?" Then it gets really sad when she tells him, "I hear you cry at night. Do you have dreams about them?" She tells him their family is small and they don't have many toys, "but if you want, you could be part of it." Stitch grabs The Ugly Duckling from his bed and starts to head to the window. She tells him their family's motto: "Ohana means family. "Family" means nobody gets left behind. But if you want to leave, you can." He hops out the window and a sad Lilo tells him, "I'll remember you though...I remember everyone who leaves." Of course she's looking at a photo of her dead parents as she's saying this. Damnit, Lilo, stop making me cry! 

The first time we hear Stitch speak actual English is about an hour into the movie when he opens the book outside to the page he had shown Lilo earlier. He attempts to say "I'm lost", just like the little duckling had uttered. 

Meanwhile, the Councilwoman has been keeping tabs on the Earthbound aliens to see if they've captured 626 yet. When she is not satisfied with their answer, she tells them they'll be "prison bound" and that she will be sending Captain Gantu. We met Captain Gantu at the beginning of the movie and he's a giant, intimidating alien who looks like he has a shark head and elephant hooves. And when I say he's giant, he's easily as tall as a tree. 

After receiving the threatening call, Jumba sneaks up on Stitch (who is reading the book) with a ray gun and tells him to come with him. Stitch tells him he's waiting for his family (like the Ugly Duckling) and Jumba tells him he doesn't have one because he (Stitch) was created by Jumba himself. The way Stitch drops his face is so sad! He says, "Maybe...I could", but Jumba tells him, You're built to destroy. You can never belong." Seriously, why would you make something that was meant to destroy everything so adorable? Stitch runs away. 

This has all happened in one night and the next morning a sad Lilo tells a sad Nani that Stitch is gone and that it's good he is gone because "he didn't want to be here, anyway." 

David arrives and tells Nani that he thinks he found her a job. Apparently she has to leave with him right now for the interview and she tells Lilo to "stay here for a few minutes", meaning their house. 

Soon after Nani leaves with David, a very scared Stitch runs into the houses. Jumba also barges in and tells him, "Hiding behind your little friend won't work anymore." Now that his freedom is on the line, Jumba is ready to destroy anyone and anything in his path. 

Stitch is scattering on top of the ceiling as Jumba is shooing his ray gun (or whatever kind of inter-galatical weapon he has) and from outside Pleakley can see the roof being destroyed. Stitch's super strength is demonstrated when he picks up Jumba (who looks like he has a few extra pounds on him) and throws him out the window, thus destroying the house even more. 

Pleakley shows up to make sure Lilo is okay. While he's distracting Jumba, Lilo calls Mr. Bubbles and tells him, "Aliens are attacking my house. They want my dog!" During that, Stitch throws a Volkswagen and exclaims "Punch buggy!" as he hits Jumba with it. 

Somehow the entire house ends up just exploding. Lilo and Pleakley make it out, but Stitch and Jumba were still inside, but managed to survive. No surprise about Stitch since he's indestructible. 

Nani is done with her interview and she has gotten the job, though I'm sure in a few short minutes she's soon going to regret leaving Lilo alone (though I don't think Nani could have stopped any of this even if she was there). When she steps outside, she sees a firetruck racing right by her. Once it turns in the direction of her house, she knows it's headed there. She runs back to see Lilo describing one of the aliens to Mr. Bubbles who puts her in his car. Lilo just scoots across the seat and opens the door on the other side and runs away into the woods when she realizes that she's being taken away from her sister. 

Stitch finds her and shows her the photo of her and her sister with their parents he founds in the wreckage. She takes it and tells him, "You ruined everything." I mean, she's not technically wrong.

Stitch shows her his true alien self...the tentacles, the extra pair of arms, the weird spiny thing on his back. All this confirms to Lilo is that he is "one of them" and she tells him to "get out of here." In the distance, Gantu shoots a gun at them and captures them in a large net. They must live in a lowly populated area because nobody sees to notice this gigantic extra terrestrial just roaming around their island, easily taller than the tree line. Is nobody even concerned about this? 

Nani can't miss him when she's looking for Lilo and screams when she sees him (which would be the same reaction I would have!). She scurries behind a tree and sees him drop Lilo and Stitch into a glass capsule and attaches it to a space ship, calling Lilo "a little snack". Stitch manges to somehow squeeze out of it and falls to the ground before the ship gets too far off the ground, but Lilo is still in there which must be terrifying for Nani. 

She demands Stitch to start talking and tell her where Lilo's headed, but before he can say anything, he's captured by Jumba. She asks them where Lilo is and Jumba pretends not to know who she is talking about. Nani shouts at them, describing her sister and at the end, adds, "and she hangs around with that thing!" while pointing at Stitch. She demands them to bring her back and Peakley tells her they can't do that because it would be "a misuse of Galactic resources" and Jumba tells her they're just there to get Stitch. Okay, I just thought of something random: do you think Jumba was molded after Jabba the Hut? They're both fat, ugly aliens and Jumba does sound similar to Jabba. 

Nani falls to the ground, sobbing. Jumba tells the other two aliens to follow him, but Stitch walks over to her and repeats Lilo's family mantra: "Ohana means 'family'...family means 'Nobody gets left behind.'" It doesn't take much convincing (like none at all) but Stitch persuades Jumba to help them rescue Lilo. 

They get into a spaceship that is much bigger than the one Gantu is navigating (you'd think the giant alien would control the larger spacecraft) and once he realizes he's being followed, be starts shooting lasers at them as they dodge him. 

Then we get this whole ridiculous scene where Stitch is trying to save Lilo. It involves him crashing onto land, then he hijacks a semi and drives it into a volcano where the lava sprays him up on Gantu's ship. I have to admit, all the outer space stuff makes my eyes glaze over. He rescues Lilo and it's kinda weird because he's holding her in his arms, almost like a romantic thing a couple would do. She says, "You came back" and he kisses her on the cheek and tells her, "Nobody gets left behind." I wish they had done this so it wasn't....so weird.

They crash into the ocean, but are brought back to the shore where all the characters are there to meet them: the Councilwoman, Bubbles, David. Stitch is told he has to go in the ship, but the Councilwoman allows him to say his goodbyes. He introduces the two sisters as his family. He has to go because that is their planet's law. Bubbles thinks of a loophole and reminds Lilo that she bought Stitch at the animal shelter and she understands what he's implying. She runs up to the councilwoman and shows her the receipt of when she bough Stitch for two dollars (which she just so happened to conveniently have because she's always wearing the same dress!) and tells the alien, "I own him. If you take him, you're stealing." 

This seems to satisfy the Councilwoman. She grabs Stitch and announces, "This creature has been sentenced to life in exile, a sentence that shall be henceforth served out here on Earth." She adds that his new family is "now under the official protection of the United Galactic Fedearation" and they'll be "checking in now and then." 

We find out Bubbles was part of the CIA and had met the Councilwoman in Rosewell in 1973. In a full circle moment, we discover he's the one who convinced an alien race that mosquitoes were an endangered species. Haha, so I have to tell you something amusing. After I write my review, I'll proofread it to make sure my grammar is correct and I'm using the correct words. Sometimes I type so fast that the autofill will automatically put in a different word that I intended to use. While proofreading this last paragraph, it had read "mosquitoes were an endeared species." Ha! Mosquitoes? An endeared species? It's funny because it's so not true. 

The Councilwoman boards her spaceship to head back to Turo. Before she does, she tells her crew to make sure Peakley and Jumba don't board the same ship. I thought this meant they would just take another spacecraft back to their home planet, but they seem to stay on Earth. The movie ends with them helping Lilo, Nani, Stitch, David, and Mr. Bubbles rebuilding the house as Wynona Judd sings a cover of Burning Love. (Lord, almighty, I feel my temperature rising...), then we see a montage of clips and photos from around the year. The one with all of them (including Bubbles, David, and Peakley and Jumba) at the Thanksgiving table with Stitch presenting a turkey had me cracking up. I think this is because it's a take on a famous Norman Rockwell painting as you can see:

*The other movie from 2002 about aliens having an aversion to water was Signs. I'm pretty sure 99% of people reading this already knew that, or maybe I just assumed that most people know that because I feel like that is common movie knowledge. In fact, I would assume that was the more obvious movie about aliens' aversion to water as everyone seems to bring up what a stupid plot point it is (I need to review that movie someday!) whereas I think it's easy to forget about in Lilo and Stitch. 

**I made this stupid joke because Daveigh Chase, who voiced Lilo, was the creepy little girl demon (or whatever she's supposed to be) in The Ring.