Their dad lives in this HUGE loft on the top floor of the building where his diner is located. It was hinted that he had a good paying job before the diner gig, so I'm guessing that's how he's able to afford it, because no way he could pay for that otherwise. Don't these kids know that if they kept their parents divorced, they'd get twice the presents at Christmas and their birthdays? I kid, I kid. They'd probably get the same amount of presents regardless.
When their dad reappears, Hallie asks him if he can take her to see Santa the next day since her mom is busy. He has to work at the diner all day, so Hallie asks Ethan if he can take her which Michael thinks is a great idea. Ethan is making the biggest f***ing deal about it: "No. Uh-huh, don't even think about it. No." Dude, just take your little sister to see Santa.
The next day they go to Macy's (in an earlier scene Hallie mentions that the Santa who works at Macy's is the real deal while all the other department store Santas are frauds) to see Santa. While they're waiting in line, Ethan tells her she can ask for toys or hair care products, but shouldn't ask him to get their parents back together and tells her, "You may not ask anything to do with interpersonal relationships, got it?" I think he is being a good older brother here, not telling her the reason why Santa won't be able to grant this particular request.
Ethan sees some classmates from his private school and freaks out. He quickly gets out of the line, but remind his sister he's watching her before he does. While he's waiting for his sister, he's making a big show of looking at model airplanes when the boys from his school come over to taunt him. One of them tells him they saw him standing in line to see Santa. All he has to do is say the truth: that he's taking his little sister to see Santa.
When it's Hallie's turn to see Santa (played by Leslie Nielsen) he asks her what her name is and she tells him, 'Hallie O'Fallon." He repeats it and adds, "There's a lot of L's in there" which made me laugh. Hallie gets straight to the point as she sits on Santa's lap: "Now here's the deal, Santa. My brother's watching, so whatever I say, just smile and nod." I should add that at this point, Ethan wasn't watching because he was interacting with his classmates. Hallie starts whispering in Santa's ear presumably telling him about her Christmas wish. He says that her request is "a tall order" and that "I usually specialize in stuff you can wrap." We get this odd moment where Hallie shushes him, then gets up to leave to end the scene.
A party is being held at their Nana's house. It's pretty much held for her to light Christmas tree in front of everyone. It's a nice tree (though I have some issues with it), but like she even says, it's not the tree in Rockerfeller Center and why is she having a party just to have everyone ooh and aah when she plugs in some lights? If you're wondering, my issue with the tree is that there only seem to be green baubles on it. Maybe some red or gold ones would make it pop a bit more. There's just a lot of green.
I guess there is a point to the party: it's to introduce us to a very pointless character who we really don't need in the movie. Catherine has invited one of her friends (I think they work together), Susan, and she has invited her daughter, Stephanie, who is visiting from Boston where she lives with her father and stepmom. According to Susan, "[Stephanie's] father and his really delightful fourth wife decided that they could trust me with her for a few days." Now there's a storyline that sounds way more interesting than these two yuppie kids trying to get their parents back together! This guy is on his fourth wife? Why don't they trust his ex with Stephanie? Anyway, Ethan has a crush on Stephanie and she's just there to pad out the movie and add a few extra scenes. She really doesn't add anything to advance the plot forward.
We know he likes her because he gets embarrassed after making oinking sounds and sees her looking at him (though she's smiling). Why is oinking? Because Hallie had gone over to him with some hors d'oeuvres, but before she gave him any, she requested that he "make the pig sound." This scene is stupid for three reasons:
1. He tells her he will, but only once. He proceeded to oink for quite a while!
2. A better movie would have established he makes a pig sound that delights his sister before this scene.
3. Why is he even indulging her? Just get your own snacks!
The party-goes are treated to a delightful duet of Baby it's Cold Outside between Hallie and her Nana. Now you think it would be a choice to have a grandmother and granddaughter singing this, and yeah, it is, but the audience loves it and is ahh-ing. Yes, Hallie has quite the voice for someone so young, but I tell you, if I were in that audience, I'd be rolling my eyes. The whole thing is just too cutesy and made me want to gag.
The next day, Ethan has gone to an art museum (because he overheard that Stephanie would be there). He sees her in one of the rooms and in another room (with patrons roaming around) he starts having a monologue about what he's going to say to her. I guess the other patrons are used to being around weirdos in New York that it doesn't bother them this kid is talking to himself. He and Stephanie spend some time at the museum, then get lunch (at a department store of all places).
While Ethan is having his sort of date with Stephanie, Hallie is at home and overhears her mom tell her Nana (that would be Hallie's Nana, not Catherine's Nana; it would be Catherine's mother) that she's going to marry Tony. What the hell? That came up awfully fast. We never even saw Tony propose or even heard them discussing it. The only reason this is happening is for the sake of the plot. You see, little Hallie thinks this is her fault because when she told Santa she wanted her parents to remarry, she forgot to specify that she wanted them to remarry each other. Silly girl!
When Ethan returns, Hallie confesses to him that she did ask Santa for "Mom and Dad to get married again", then tells him her little snafu with her wording and tells him about their mom marrying Tony.
At this point, we had only met Tony when he came to pick up Catherine for a date, but now he's taking Catherine and Hallie to see a performance of The Nutcracker. They drop off Ethan at Michael's and Ethan convinces his mom to come in and see the diner (she's seriously hasn't seen it?), then she goes upstairs to check out his loft. While she's up there she tells him she's getting remarried and you can tell he's sad about it. If I were him, I'd be a little concerned that she's marrying someone who she probably just met. Unless did she just start dating Tony right after her divorce?
During the intermission, Tony grabs three ginger ales. While he's gone, Catherine asks her daughter, who's been a little dismissive of Tony, if she could try to be friends with him because it's important to her (Catherine). Hallie says something about how Tony always expects her to be cute or do something cute or say something cute, which I didn't think was true at all. If anything, it's the movie that expects her to do those things. We've seen Tony ask her questions about The Nutcracker, asking her if she knows the composer (she does) and asking her if she wants to learn the rest of the words to "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" when she keeps repeating the title over and over again (and not even singing the melody right). We even see him correct her when she uses the wrong word (she tells her mom she feels nauseous and he tells her the word is "nauseated"). I never got the impression that Tony expected Hallie to be "cute" all the time. Hallie asks her, "Mommy, do you really like him, like a whole lot?"
Tony returns with the ginger ales and tells Hallie he put a cherry in hers, "so it an official Shirley Temple." Uh, no it's not. You need the grenadine. Hallie tells her mom she feels sick (this is when we get the nauseous/nauseated moment) and her mom feels her forehead, commenting she does feel warm and takes her to the bathroom. I swear, there's about four of five times in this movie that Hallie is sick of feigns sickness. I did laugh when Tony takes the cherry from her drink and eats it while they're gone.
As she walks down the city streets, she greets passerbys with "Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah." She did this in an earlier scene when Ethan was walking her home from ballet class and explained to him, "My teacher says you should always say both things in New York because people are really sensitive." Why not just say "Happy Holidays". That way you're covering everything and it's fewer syllables.
Ethan is looking for Hallie and Stella tells him she went out ten minutes ago to "fix a mistake." He knows what that means and starts running towards Macy's. By the time he gets there, Hallie has already visited with Santa again. Like the first time, we don't hear the actual conversation. Santa reminds her "it's awfully late in the season for such a big order"...which is pretty much what he told her the first time.
Ethan is firm with his young sister and tells her she cannot go off alone in the city. Of course he's right, but Hallie starts turning on the waterworks and whines, "I had to see him! This is special! Not all moms and dads should get back together, but ours should...I just had to see him, I just had to." I just love the entitlement. There's no way Ethan is buying this, but he consoles her with a hug, pretty much telling her what she did was okay because she was doing it for their parents. Ugh, this movie.
Now we get to the part of the movie where Ethan and Hallie (well, probably mainly Ethan) have devised a plan to get their parents back together. Ethan tells Stephanie his idea and that's how she becomes involved (but she's really not needed). He admits it might not get them back together so he hopes that at the very least he can get them to spend Christmas Eve together.
The audience will learn the parts of the plan as the movie proceeds. I have to say, this so-called plan seems a bit convoluted at times and needs to have everything timed just right.
Step 1 involves the O'Fallon siblings buying a bunch of little white mice at a pet shop. When I first watched this, I was confused by what they were going to do with all these mice, but then I realized that they had some pretty dark intentions for these mice. Now these mice are the kind you buy to feeds snakes, but that's all part of the circle of life. No, what these kids had in mind (at least Ethan, maybe little Hallie didn't exactly realize what all this meant) was to release these mice (there was about a dozen of them) in their Nana's home. They needed their mom out of the house and if they needed to exterminate the house, nobody would be able to stay overnight. It's a little messed up these kids bought mice just to have them exterminated! I think even the movie realized that was pretty dark, so when they release the mice and try to shoo them into a room where their mom and Nana are talking to a wedding planner (already?), they end up going outside when Stella opens the door. Not only does Stella not even see any of these mice that are scurrying around her feet, but she is lucky not to accidentally step on one of them. The mice scurry outside and the siblings follow them, but are unable to catch them. Now these mice will probably freeze to death, but at least now they have more of a chance than just being exterminated.There was one particular mouse that Hallie took a liking to, claiming he was "the cutest" (they literally all look the same) and named him Snowball. Snowball was the only one to make it to the living room and without anyone noticing him, he gets up on the coffee table and gets on a dessert plate where a piece of the guest's cake is. The guest picks up the plate, not noticing the extra weight of having a mouse on it. Still talking to the other ladies, she takes her fork and presses the back of the tines on the mouse. There is no reaction. I'm sorry, but if you pressed the back of your fork against a mouse, you would KNOW that something isn't right. It's only when she sees the mouse, she starts screaming and this causes Lillian to call the exterminators. She calls the Carlyle Hotel for her and the maids to stay. Because it is Christmas Eve, there are no rooms available, but because she is THE Lillians Brooks, she is able to snag a suite for over night.
Catherine has a date with Tony that night (they're going to a party) and decides she'll get ready for it at Susan's place (remember, she's the mother of Stephanie). After she calls her, we get a stupid scene where Stephanie is in the kitchen, overhearing her mom's conversation. Her mom (who's in a different room), tells her, "Catherine has mice." She says, "Oh, really?", then in an overly exaggerated move, she pumps her arm and hisses "yes!" It's so cringey.
Step 2 involves Ethan calling a tow truck company to tell them a black BMW (the car Tony drives) has been parked in front of his dad's diner for three days. The guy tells him he can be there in an hour. This is lucky for Ethan because if the guy could be there right away, the plan wouldn't work!
Step 3 involves Ethan calling his friend Marshall, then asking him to call him back. When he does, Ethan makes this big show of running down the stairs and yelling, "It's for me, it's for me! At least I assume it is." Even if someone else answered the phone, his friend would have just asked for him. When he's done having his fake conversation, he asks his mom if he can spend the night at Marshall's house. What the hell? It's Christmas Eve. He's doing this because he needs a cover for not being at his dad's place. He just plans to hang out at the diner. His mom asks him why he doesn't want to spend Christmas Eve with his dada he makes up some stupid story about how it will be too sad. If I were her, I would tell him he's not interrupting somebody else's Christmas Eve. Tony (who's shown up at the house to pick up Catherine) is the one to convince Catherine to let her kids do what they want after she suggests that they just skip the party and they (her and Tony) can take the kids out. Hallie feigns a cough so they quickly put the kibosh on that. So I had assumed Tony was there to pick up Catherine, but then Ethan suggests that Tony can drop him off at Marshalls and Catherine says if he does that, she can go over to Susan's and change. I'm so confused. Are her clothes at her house? Is she going to be driving her own car to Susan's? We'll soon find out that Tony won't be dropping her off there. Tony also adds that he can take Hallie's to her dad's. I did laugh when Tony says, "This is working out perfectly" and Ethan adds, "So far" because he knows what's in store for Tony.
Somehow, Hallie was able to retrieve Snowball after the little critter caused a panic at her Nana's. She brings him along in the car and asks Tony if he would like to meet Snowball, "a friend of [hers]." Tony assumes she's talking about an imaginary friend and asks if she's the only one who can see Snowball, but she tells him, "Oh, no, you can see him too. Here." Then she shoves him right in Tony's face. Even though Tony doesn't love having the mouse right up in his face, he does take it pretty well. He doesn't smack the mouse out of Halie's hand or anything. After Hallie is satisfied when he says hello to Snowball and tells the mouse that he loves him, Hallie puts the critter back in her pocket. This scene is only here so Tony knows about Snowball because the kids have a plan.
When they get to their dad's, Ethan tells Tony he can take Hallie up to the loft which takes us to Step 4 which involves Hallie releasing Snowball. She will start shrieking and Tony will get out of the car to see what the commotion is all about. I thought Ethan was being a dick when he makes Hallie release the mouse. She has obviously become attached to Snowball and doesn't want to part with him. He tells her, "Look, Hallie, Snowball is a mouse. I know you love him, but he's a mouse." He adds that if she lets him go, he'll buy her "a million mice." Dude, that's not the point! Also, why does she even need to release it? I know they want to make it look real, but when Tony gets out of the car, he doesn't see Snowball anyway, so what was the point of releasing him? She could have just kept the mouse in her pocket. I don't fault Hallie for this because she's only seven, but seriously, Ethan didn't think of this? When Tony gets out of the car after Hallie is screaming, they tell him Snowball got loose and Ethan says it just went inside the back of a Ben and Jerry's ice cream truck (the door was open). I don't know how a mouse could climb up the back of the truck. The door is about three feet off the ground. Tony gets in the truck and the kids close the door and lock it. That's so f***ed up! To make it even more sadistic, the kids start laughing at him. The driver of the truck is nearly deaf and when he comes out, the kids distract him so he doesn't see (or hear) Tony banging on the back of the window. I find it a tad ridiculous that the driver didn't even hear him yelling or banging on the door later when he's driving. He's singing along loudly to a Christmas song, but you would think he would hear the vibration of Tony knocking. Tony will end up in New Jersey before he's able to make his way back.
With Tony out of the way, Ethan tells Hallie to go upstairs and tell their dad that Tony dropped her off. After she heads on up, he sees the tow truck arrive to take away Tony's car. What perfect timing!
Up at the loft, Hallie tells her dad that Ethan is at his friend's. Michael doesn't seem that concerned or hurt that his son doesn't want to spend Christmas Eve with him. Hallie has found a suit in her dad's closet and asks him to put it on. She says she'll put on a party dress and they "can pretend they're at a really nice restaurant on Pluto." (Pluto is her favorite planet; remember, this was 1991.) Michael agrees because he can't say no to her.
Step 5 involves Hallie feigning sickness (once again). As Catherine is getting ready at Susan's house, she gets a call from Michael who tells her that Hallie "has been in the bathroom for half an hour." We see Hallie, in a dress, sitting on the toilet (lid closed just in case you were wondering!), reading a book. When her dad knocks on the door and asks how she's doing, she tells him, "Terrible." She gets up and takes a glass from the counter that she already filled with water and, while groaning, pours it down the toilet. Was that supposed to sound like she was throwing up? Because that is not the sound one makes when vomiting! You wretch when you throw up, you don't groan (maybe after the fact...okay, I'll stop talking about this). She asks him if "mommy" is coming and he confirms she is. We see a big smile on her face.
Remember when Hallie asked her dad to wear a suit? Well, it's so he can look handsome when he answers the door to his ex who's wearing a sparkly red dress for the party she's supposed to attend with Tony. Michael is surprised when Catherine tells him that Tony isn't with her. They both comment about how attractive the other look. They both check on Hallie, now in her bedroom, pretending to be asleep. She actually opens her eyes a tiny bit at one point when she knows her parents aren't out of the room yet which is pretty ballsy on her part. And she does it in a way that's so obvious she wasn't sleeping; it's like, girl, you need to act like you're slowly waking up like you've been alseep for while.
Step 6 is Stephanie's turn to shine! I feel like this movie wanted to justify her having in this movie, telling us, See! She's important to the plot! They needed her for this part of the plan! But I would argue, no. Let me tell you what she did and then I'll explain why I still think she's super unnecessary. She calls Michael's number (obviously she got the number from Ethan) and asks for "Mrs. O'Fallon" and tells her she got a call for Mr. Boer. (That would be Tony.) I did laugh when she calls him "Mr. Bore" and Catherine corrects here. (Though they do sound very similar.) She tells her that he "had an emergency come up" and to still go to the Plaza. Is is me or would it have been better for Catherine not to get a message (albeit fake) from Tony. The fact that they're telling her he had an emergency, gives him some leeway. If they had just left it where he never called or anything, then that makes him even worse. Yes, this girl was really not needed. You know, in terms of dynamics, this movie reminds me of Hocus Pocus with the younger sister (played by Thora Birch in both movies), her older brother, and the brother's crush. At least in Hocus Pocus, the crush was established early and her role in the movie makes sense. In this movie, it just seems like they needed more scenes and that's why they added her and the movie would have been fine without her.
Okay, wait, you guys. I may have spoken too quickly. I forgot that Catherine tells Stephanie that she's going to head back to her mom's place (Stephanie's mom's place, just so we're clear). This is not part of the plan! If it weren't for Stephanie coming over when the cab for Catherine arrives (I have no idea how far she lives away, but she seems to conveniently arrive a minute after the cab arrives) and pretending to be Catherine and telling the driver that something has come up and cancelling the cab, then Catherine wouldn't have a ride! She's totally useful, you guys!
I should mention that during this whole time, since Hallie went up to their dad's loft, Ethan has just been hanging out outside the diner, which is closed and locked up. It's cold and snowy and he's all bundled up and trying to keep warm and whining about how their plan better work because he's outside freezing his ass off. (Okay, he didn't say that, but he was whining about how cold it was. Like in the museum, this was another instance where he was just talking to himself.) After Stephanie shows up and shoos the cab away, we get this really stupid scene where she asks if they can go inside the diner and he holds up a key. Barely a few minutes ago he was complaining about waiting in the cold and the whole time he had a key to go inside the diner? Are you flipping kidding me? What was with all the "Oh, poor me" brouhaha?
Michael lends her one of his shirts to wear and when she gets into the bed with Hallie, her daughter, pretending to be asleep, slaps her arm across her mom. After she does this a couple more times, Catherine gets up and goes to the couch where her ex is now sleeping. She puts a blanket over him and curls up next to him and shares the blanket. The second she puts her head down, Hallie speaks out of her bedroom and across the room to the door where she closes it with a loud click. There is no way Catherine is already asleep. People don't fall asleep the second their heads hit the pillow. I think that's only happened to me once and it was after a really long day where I woke up early, drove a few hours with a friend to visit an amusement park in another state, then drove back the same day, so yeah, I was exhausted when I got home. Catherine definitely would have heard her daughter sneaking out.
Hallie goes down to the diner where Ethan and Stephanie have been eating burgers and fries and tells her brother that her parents are sleeping on the same couch. Ethan is ecstatic and exclaims that "they did it", they got their parents back together, WTF? Just because their parents are sleeping on the same couch? I'm not gonna lie; I was rooting for the parents not to get back together because the kids are so damn entitled. I know, I know, I'm a total Grooge. (You like my portmanteau of Grinch and Scrooge? I couldn't decide which one I was being, so why not combine the two? Although Scrinch is good too.)
The kids realize they're in trouble and they head to Nana's house. Do you remember Olivia, the French pregnant maid that we're introduced to at the beginning of the movie and never hear from her again? We might seer her in the background, but she doesn't have any purpose to the plot. Well, Nana Lillian is back at her house on Christmas morning and while she's on the phone, Olivia goes into labor. Paramedics are called and so when the kids reach their house, they see an ambulance outside the house. Ethan thinks they're there for them (the kids), but why would they think they needed to call am ambulance for them? If the parents thought their kids were missing, they'd call the police. Or does he think something bad happened to one of his parents or Nana because they were freaked out about them missing? Also, we're given one line about Olivia having her baby, then that's it. There was absolutely no reason for this plot line. I think this movie was written in a week.
When Catherine and Michael come running in the house, asking Lillian if she's seen the kids, I laughed at Lauren Bacall's face when she asks, "Are they missing?" I laughed because the expression on her face says, "That wouldn't be a terrible thing." I read this as being Lauren Bacall's reaction because she probably knows this movie is crap and how entitled those kids are and that it wouldn't be such a bad thing. Or maybe that's just me.
The kids come home and there's a lot of hugging. Now Tony has arrived and storms into the house. I understand he's a little irked (that's an understatement!), but he goes about it all wrong. Instead of telling Catherine what devious act her kids did to him, he calls them brats and tells her once they're married, the kids will be shipped off to boarding school. THEN he tells her what they did. Of course, Catherine doesn't like what he's saying and basically tells him, No dice, Tony, we're not getting married. I want to know how he got his car back.
Christmas tree and the snow falling outside the large windows. He explains how they put their plan in action. Catherine and Michael embrace and kiss and tell each other they're in love with the other. I guess they're back together. Who didn't see that coming.
The movie ends with the Macy's Santa Claus (who we are to presume is the real Santa) arriving at their house. He has Snowball with him and returns him to Hallie. To be honest, I had totally forgotten about the mouse.
Ethan gets a peck on the cheek from Stephanie before she leaves with her mom (who had also arrived at Nana's house that morning). So is she moving to New York to live with her mom or are they gonna have a long distance relationship? Who knows? Who cares.
Then the movie ends with the truly horrendous original theme song sung by Stephen Bishop (yeah, I don't know him either). We had heard it earlier in the movie when Ethan is at his dad's house, watching a video of his parents' wedding and other home videos. This song could join the song from the end of Teen Wolf and the song from the end of Splash in terms of their awfulness. I just need another awful song and then I'll have my Mount Rushmore of movie theme songs so schmaltzy, saccharine, sappy, and so-cheesy-you-can-practically-see the-Velveeta-dripping-off-of-them.
Let me share the lyrics so you can see what I'm talking about. I should add the melody of the song isn't even that catchy so this song has nothing going for it:
"All I want is what I had back then
when time was my friend
and love didn't end.
All I want is what I had with you
Is it too much to ask?
Can dreams still come true?
Don't look down on me
with compromise you can see the world from my point of view
it's all up to you.
All I want is the promise that you'll stay.
All I want is one more yesterday.
I don't mean to oversimplify,
but I cross my heard and hope to die
Seriously, what is this dreck? Truly awful.
Go watch The Parent Trap (Hayley or Lindsay) if you want a movie about kids getting their divorced parents back together.
