Cast: Will Ferrell, James Caan, Zooey Deschanel, Mary Steenburgen, Bob Newhart, Ed Asner, Peter Dinklage
Released: November 7, 2003
Viewed in theaters: November 8, 2003 and November 28, 2003
I know what you're thinking: How could I have this movie blog for nearly ten years (!!) and have never done a review on Elf, one of the most beloved Christmas movies of our time and a movie I've mentioned on several occasions (especially around this time of the year) as being one of my favorite holiday films? Well, the truth is, I DID write a review for this movie back in 2009, the year I started this blog. But it was a terrible review and only about two paragraphs long. Yeah, my early reviews are pretty terrible. I wouldn't recommend going back and reading them; seriously, don't. So I just deleted that one. But, shhh! Don't tell anyone! It will be our little secret. So now I'm giving this beloved Christmas classic the review it deserves.
I would be shocked if there's anyone out there who has never seen this movie. It's not just one of the funniest holiday movies I've ever seen, but one of the funniest movies I've seen, period. I'm sure I have seen it well over ten times (possibly even more!) and I still laugh at certain scenes even though I know what's coming up. I can pretty much recite the dialogue verbatim and have used many of the lines in my own life. Who haven't we called a "cotton-headed ninny muggins"? And while there are many important things in this world that I SHOULD know, but don't, I can proudly recite the four main food groups of elves: candy, candy canes, candy corns, and syrup. Because God knows when you're going to need to know that! (By the way, wouldn't candy canes and candy corns be lumped in with candy? Why do they get their own special group? I kinda get candy canes because they're synonymous with Christmas, but candy corn is more of a Halloween confection. If you really think about it, elves only have one major food group and it is SUGAR! We know Buddy LOVES sugar! I love the scene where he pours syrup all over his spaghetti, then crumbles a Pop Tart over it.)
It's fun to see the North Pole and Santa's workshop in the beginning of the film. I loved the way they created the North Pole; it's very reminiscent of those classic holiday specials like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and Frosty the Snowman. You could have almost had a spinoff movie just based on that. Not only do you have Bob Newhart as Papa Elf (hmm, I guess The Smurfs don't have a trademark on that!) and Ed Asner as Santa and all the other elves, but you have Leon the snowman, the Arctic puffin, and Mr. Narwhal. The North Pole seems like this wonderful place to visit, however, I don't think it would be such a great place to work! Seems like those elves aren't getting a fair deal; not that I think they really care as they all seem to really love what they do. I love that the head elf tells them that Christmas was a success and that it's time to prepare for next year. It's literally Christmas Day and now they have to get ready for next year. Do they not even get a week off? I suppose when you have to make toys for all the kids in the world, you're going to be pretty busy and won't have any time to rest. Like in The Christmas Chronicles, this also seems to be another Christmas movie where kids only get one present from Santa as we see there's only one toy described next to their names in Santa's naughty/nice book. But to be fair to Santa, if you have to make every single kid in the world several toys, that could take quite a long time as I'm sure making all those kids ONE toy takes plenty of time as it is!
The elves kinda seem to be jerks because they shame Buddy when they learn he's only built 85 Etch-a-Sketches, making him 955 off pace. I remember having an Etch-a-Sketch as a kid. Come to think of it, was it even possible to draw anything but a few squiggles? I love that Buddy draws the Mona Lisa on one later when he's preparing for Santa's visit to the department store ("SANTA! I know him, I know him!"), but there's no way anybody could ever do that, right?? I think the worst part of being an elf would absoluetly have to be testing the Jack in the Boxes. I would be like Buddy, cringing ever time the creepy figurine would pop up and it would be even worse if it popped up later than expected. Jack in the Boxes are the devil's toy!
When Buddy learns he's actually a human and not an elf (took him awhile to figure that out and he only found out because he heard the elves talking about it), he decides to trek to New York City to find his father, Walter Hobbs (James Caan) who's on the...DUN DUN DUN....naughty list. I love how immediately after we're told this, we cut to a scene where we see Walter, who works at a publishing company, telling a sweet frail old nun he has to take back the books because they missed the payment and the nun says, "But the children love the books!" They're really showing us this guy is a real a-hole!
Will Ferrell is infectious and has a childlike earnest as Buddy that you can see why he's so likable, but you can also see why people would get impatient with him! A few years after this movie was released, I wrote a Harry Potter fanfic called Hogwarts' Next Top Witch (obviously a parody of America's Next Top Model) and there's a chapter where Harry, Ron, and Ron's dad go to Harrods and I blatantly stole a lot of things out of Elf (don't worry; I gave the movie credit) when Buddy goes to Gimbel's: I had Arthur go through the revolving door about four times just like Buddy; I had him eagerly accept passion fruit spray, spraying it in his mouth just like Buddy; I had him afraid to go on the escalator, again, just like Buddy; and I had him push all the buttons on the elevator, just like Buddy does when he pushes all the elevator buttons when he's at the Empire State Building. ("It looks like a Christmas tree!") I told you I blatantly stole a lot of lot of things from Elf while writing that chapter! I visited New York a year and a half after Elf was released and I'm sure I mentioned something about that scene when we went to the Empire State Building. I have a feeling there's no way you could do that as they have people who work there manning the elevators, right? I don't remember for sure, but they must so people can't mess with the buttons. My friend and I once did that at a hotel in Denver (but there was, like maybe ten buttons instead of the 100 or so buttons the ESB probably has.) We also didn't do it while someone was in the elevator with us, but when we saw someone was getting on the elevator as we were exiting, we sure ran as hell!
I love when Buddy first meets Walter dressed in his green elf uniform and yellow tights and Walter tells him, "You look like you came from the North Pole" and Buddy's eyes light up and he replies, "That's EXACTLY where I came from!" Also, when he meets Walter's wife, Emily (Mary Steenburgen), and his son, Michael (Buddy's half-brother) and Emily asks him how long he'll be staying at their house, Buddy replies, "I haven't thought about it, but I was thinking forever." Hehe. That is the worst answer any house guest could ever give you!
Another great scene is when Jovie (Zooey Deschanel) is taking a shower in the Gimbel's restroom (do most department stores have a shower? Maybe it's just for employees) and Buddy is right outside and starts singing along with her. Normally this would be a totally creepy scene, but because it's Buddy and he doesn't know any better, it comes off as completely innocent. While it is cute that he falls for Jovie because she's wearing an elf uniform, it is a little weird that she falls for him since he has the mind of a child. It's like in Big when Elizabeth Perkins falls for a twelve-year-old who looks like a thirty-year-old Tom Hanks. But Jovie is important to the story because it is the mantra Buddy supplies her with, "The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear" that she uses when she gets all the people to sing Santa Claus Is Comin' To Town so Santa's sleigh can run on Christmas spirit. I'm not ashamed to tell people that I cry during Elf, especially during that scene. That scene gets me every time. EVERY TIME!
And of course another great scene is when a pre-Game of Thrones Peter Dinklage plays Miles Finch, a popular and highly-regarded children's author who has agreed to write a book for Walter's publishing company. Of course Walter's worst nightmare comes true when Buddy ends up coming in the room and is excited to see another elf and asks Finch if Santa knows that he's here. Rightly this should make any small person angry, but Miles, as we already saw in a previous scene is very high maintenance and thinks himself to be the greatest children's author since Dr. Seuss. He already has a very high ego so when Buddy calls him an elf, it really irks him and he dares Buddy, "Call me elf one more time!" and when Buddy declares, "He's an angry elf!", Miles runs across the table and kicks him in the chest. I loved that Buddy was certain he was a South Pole elf.
Lots of great scenes and great actors with great Christmas music makes this film a Christmas classic.
Cast: Kurt Russell, Goldie Hawn, Darby Camp, Jahzir Bruno, Julian Dennison, Kimberly Williams-Paisley, Tyrese Gibson, Darlene Love
Released on Netflix: November 25, 2020
It's December! That means it's time for reviews of Christmas movies, yay! Two years ago I reviewed The Christmas Chronicles and today I will be reviewing its sequel. If you had asked me, I would have told you the first one came out last year, but no, it came out two years ago. Where did the time go? I would have also told you that Chris Columbus directed that movie, but no, he was a producer. He did, however, direct this movie, and I did notice some nods to some of his other holiday fare.
Many of the same characters from the first movie come back for this one (Kurt Russell as Santa is an obvious one!) and there are also some new characters. We are reacquainted with Kate and Teddy Pierce, who went on the adventure with Santa in the first movie. Don't get too reacquainted with Teddy, though, because he's only in the beginning and the end. He has aged out and has been replaced by a younger, cuter kid. I had no idea how old Kate was in the first movie and still don't know how old she is. They do mention the events of the first movie took place two years ago so this does follow real time. If I had to guess, I would say Kate is in the 11-13 range, but if she's 13, that would mean she would've been 11 in the first movie and I can't see an 11-year-old still believing in Santa. Yes, I realize that in this universe, Santa IS real, but even before they knew that, she still believed in him. Teddy was about to tell her, but decided against it. I looked up to see how old Darby Camp, the actress who plays Kate, is and she is currently 13, so she was probably 11 or 12 when she filmed this.
Kate and Teddy are in Cancun with their mother, Claire (played by Kimberly Williams-Paisley). They were all brought there on a holiday vacation by Claire's boyfriend, Bob (played by Tyrese Gibson...the name "Bob" does not suit him at all) and his son, Jack, who is the younger, cuter kid who will be joining Kate on the new adventure. I would estimate Jack's age to be between 7 and 9. Kate is not happy at all. She hates being on a sunny beach so close to Christmas and would rather be ice-skating or drinking cocoa or Christmas shopping. I'm with Kate. Christmases in warm weather climates just seem strange to me. While it doesn't always snow every Christmas where I live, I can always count on it to be cold. Christmas is the holiday where you sit around the fire wearing your favorite cozy sweater and sipping a mug of cider or hot cocoa. It just makes more sense in cold weather! Kate is also not happy because she still misses her dad, who had died as a firefighter only a few years ago. She thinks Bob is going to propose to her mom and she's not ready for that. I can kind of see where she's coming from because if your mom's boyfriend invited her, both her children, and his kid on a trip to Mexico during Christmas vacation, that does seem like he's in it for the long haul. We know Claire and Bob have been dating for ten months and have known each other before they started dating, but we don't know where they met. Work? A support group for widowers? As it turns out, Bob's wife also died. You'd think Kate and Jack would bond over having a dead parent, but no, doesn't really ever come up.
Kate is so upset she makes a Christmas Wish to Santa. She decides she doesn't want the electric scooter (from going over my review of the first movie, I was reminded that in this universe, kids only get ONE present from Santa, so you better choose wisely!), but would rather "get out of this place." She's worried "it's gonna feel like Dad never existed" if her mom and Bob get married. She even threatens (to literally nobody) that she'll run away. The next day she'll get her opportunity to do so when Bob discovers some tickets "complimentary from the hotel". Teddy and some girl go snorkeling. I wasn't sure if this was his girlfriend he brought along on the trip or a girl he met there (I have reason to believe it's the latter), but all he talks about in this movie is going snorkeling with this girl. Claire and Bob get to spend the night at Tulum with a private tour of the Mayan ruins. Meanwhile, the two youngest kids will get to go to a "kids' club slumber party" complete with all the ice cream they can eat. As a kid, that would have been my worst nightmare. Not the all the ice cream you can eat part (though I'd probably eat too much and get super sick), but being in a foreign (quite literally in this case!) place with a bunch of hyper kids (you know they'd be all buzzed on sugar!). Honestly, Claire and Bob, if you wanted to have your own romantic trip to Tulum, why didn't you just go on this trip without your kids?
I need to interject with a weird fashion choice that I believe that was missed by the wardrobe department. There's no way this could have been intentional. So when the group is all gathered saying their good-byes before they go their separate ways, I notice that Claire and Teddy are wearing VERY similar shirts. They're both blue and peach buttons-ups. The designs are different, but both have some kind of pattern, kind of like a Hawaiian shirt. I have a hard time believing a teen boy would wear a shirt so similar to his mother's.
Kate sees this as a great opportunity to run away since the adults have conveniently been painted out of the picture for the time being. I love that Claire and Bob just leave Kate and Jack in the lobby of the hotel; they don't even go to the kids' club with them. You'd think they'd want to check out where they'll be leaving their children overnight. Also, what about Teddy? They're leaving him alone overnight with no supervision with some girl he met? Like I said, Claire and Bob, why didn't you just go on this trip alone? But I digress...Kate tells Jack to head to the room where the slumber party is being held (seriously, what are they doing at this "kids' club" besides eating ice cream? Well, I guess we're told there's a slime-making station) and tells him she needs to go to the bathroom and she'll meet him later. Earlier she had called the airport who had told her she could book a flight home there (um, she has a phone...couldn't she just do it on there? Not that it's an important part of the story), so she heads outside and hitches a ride on a golf cart that will take her to a shuttle to the airport. Sensing that she's up to something, Jack sees this and hops on the back of the tram. He makes himself known a little while later and while he and Kate are arguing, they get flung through a portal that leads them to the North Pole.
Confused? Let me explain.
The Pierce kids aren't the first characters we see, no, the first scene is of a character we've never met before. In the South Pole we see some kind of cave/hideout with lots of "Get Out!" and "No Trespassing!" signs. (Dude, who's going to be trespassing in your South Pole hideaway?) We see a young man with an Australian accent (I guess technically it's a New Zealand accent because I looked up the actor and that's where he's from, but honestly, I can't tell the difference) who is glowering as he looks at a picture of Santa and Mrs. Claus, stating that they "ruined everything" and that they "were the first humans I ever trusted and the last." My goodness, laying it on a little thick there, aren't we? So I didn't catch this the first time, but he's in the picture with the Clauses' in elf form. Yes, this human person used to be an elf and is now a human and has somehow been wronged by Santa and the Mrs. (By the way what is Mrs. Claus's first name?) We don't know the story, but don't worry, we will.
He needs a "ticket" to get to the North Pole and he believes the answer is Kate. An elf that switched allegiances (either that or maybe there are also elves in the South Pole) has brought him the knowledge of Kate, a friend of Santa's. Somehow, he finds out that Kate is in Cancun (must still have some of that elf magic) and he happens to overhear Kate on the beach when she's making her Christmas wish. He's the one who leaves the "complimentary tickets" and he's the one who's driving the golf cart, thus the reason they go through a portal because he has a device that he throws that opens the portal. I honestly don't understand why Kate and Jack just don't jump off the cart that's only going about ten mph. They see the portal way before they enter it, so just jump off! I know, I know, they need the to go through so there can be a movie. But they could have easily escaped, that's all I'm saying.
Once they're in the North Pole, Kate figures Santa must have heard her wish about wanting to escape and granted it. Since she and Jack came from Cancun, they are wearing t-shirts and shorts and soon find themselves victim to the cold. Luckily, Santa spots them and puts them in his sleigh. By this time they are both pretty blue and unconscious. All they need is a little hot chocolate to warm them up! That's exactly what Mrs. Claus (Goldie Hawn) gives them and they wake up and are back to their normal selves.
Kate thanks Santa for granting her Christmas wish, but Santa tells her he hasn't given her the scooter yet, so she knows that she didn't get to the North Pole via Saint Nick. When Jack figures out where they are, he is in awe. He exclaims, "I must be dreaming!" Santa tells him, "You're not dreaming, Jack. You're in Santa's Village: the real one!" The Clauses give the kids a tour of Santa's Village and boy oh boy, it is a more magical place than Disney World. (They use REAL magic at Santa's Village!) It's too bad this place isn't open to the public because Santa would make a fortune! We learn that the village houses over a million elves and Santa tells the kids this fun fact: "If you combine Amazon, FedEx, the postal service, and UPS with every manufacturing company in the world, and they quadrupled their output for an entire year, you just might be getting close to what we can accomplish here in Santa's village in a single day." Ha. Okay, yeah, I'm impressed!
One of my favorite aspects of the village was the Polaris Cinema where Elf was playing and the admission was free. They also see the Hall of Letters, which is the place where Kate found herself in the previous movie. Kate mentions she's been there and Jack wants to know why she never told him. Good question, Jack. Kate replies, "There's a lot of things I haven't told you." Um, if you had met Santa and been to the North Pole, wouldn't that be something you'd want to tell everyone you met, especially a fellow kid?
Mrs. Claus prepare "dinner" which is a tableful of sugary desserts. Despite there being cookies, candies, pie, cakes, and brownies on the table, she tells the kids that all the food is actually "super healthy", but it tastes and look like desserts. Look, I am all for that. I would love if you could eat a cheesecake that was healthy for you AND tasted like real cheesecake. However, even if all these desserts were good for you, ugh, I could not eat all that sugar for every meal. No, thank you. That's why they call it a treat. If kids could have dessert anytime they wanted, I don't think they would be as coveted as much as they are now. I was very confused as to why Kate was eating Halloween brownies - they had orange frosting on them; they totally screamed "Halloween", but Santa told her it was lima beans and carrots and that's when I noticed it had green specks too. Jack eats "broccoli" which was a white and green layer cake. That did look pretty good.
Jack and Kate want to stay overnight because their parents won't return to the hotel until the next afternoon anyway. Mrs. Claus says how wonderful it will be to have children, if only for one night and she and Santa look wistfully at each other. This makes me wonder: did they want children, but could never have any? They did this as a plot in the second or third The Santa Clause movie and Santa having a kid always felt weird to me. First of all, he's super old (in this one, we learn he's 1700 years old, so if he did have children, they'd all be very old too (assuming they're still alive with Christmas magic). Well, we do learn that time stands still in the North Pole, so nobody ages, so I suppose if they did have a baby, the baby would remain a baby forever? That's super...weird. Also, Santa having a kid just seems...unfair to both the kid and Santa. The kid would resent Santa for paying more attention to all the other kids in the world (remember this...this theme will pop up later) and all the kids in the world would be jealous of Santa's kid because they would pretty much get everything for Christmas.
Now would be a good time to explain why the human-who-used-to-be-an-elf needed Kate to help him with his plan. Where Santa, Mrs. Claus, and the elves live, it is protected under the shield of the Veil of Borealis, which keeps them hidden and protected from the outside world. The veil is created by light from the star of Bethlehem which is also connected to the Christmas star tree topper that sits atop the massive Christmas tree in the center of the Village. (I think I got that right?) Santa is the only one who knows how to get in and out of the veil safely; remember that scene in Finding Nemo where Nemo and Dory go through the jellyfish waters (when they should have been staying above them) and they're dodging all the jellyfish? Well, in this case, when Santa goes through the veil he has to dodge a lot of electrical currents or something. He's the only one who knows how to weave in and out of them and when he gets the kids in his sled, the human/elf hitches a ride on the back and that's how he finds his way there.
When the kids are getting ready for bed in their adorable matching red and green plaid pajamas, Jack discovers a set of books titled "The Christmas Chronicles." Mrs. Claus offers to read them a bedtime story. She starts with the first one which is called "The Origin of Santa Claus." Even Santa Claus has an origin story! Here we get a lot of exposition that will tell us that back in the day, WAY back in the day of 312 AD, he was "a local hero and his legend spread" to the Forest Elves. We learn that elves are "an ancient species of very magical and wild creatures." It gets super dark, but never really explored when we are told that they "were hunted for their magical powers" and were "captured by humans to the brink of extinction." Yikes! Anyway, the story goes on to say that the elves knew about a man who would be "King of the Elves" and "lead them to safety." This, of course, was Santa Claus. As we are told by Mrs Claus, "He led the elves on a mystical journey to an unknown land, where Christmas would truly endure." In the story, there is one particular elf who comments how much he hates humans. His name is Belsnickel and he is the elf who turned into a human; yes, the very same one who needed Kate (and Jack) as bait to get to Santa. Why is an elf who hates human now a human, you ask? Well, luckily, we're about to get some backstory on Belsnickel! He was "a precocious and brilliant elf" who was taught the "art of magical potion-making" by Mrs. Claus and "the art of invention" by Santa. Mrs. Claus makes a comment how she and Santa loved him "very, very much", but don't they love all their elves the same? I would assume the elves are almost like children to them. Why does Belsnick get special treatment? As we're going to soon find out, Belsnickers was a little sh*t. By the time he became a teen, (elves can become teens? I kinda assumed they were all kind of one age), things started to change: "The spirit of Christmas had grown around the world. Santa had less time for Belsnickel. He became resentful of Santa and more rebellious." Yep, see, there's no way Santa could have ever had children - if an ELF, who WORKS for Santa becomes resentful of him, can you imagine how his own child would feel?
The Elves live by the ELVES' Code which stands for Ego, Lying, Viciousness, Envy, Selfishness. I'm guessing this is a list of things that elves strive NOT to be! As Mrs. Claus tells the kids, "If an elf commits every single one of those, they become cursed." Well, guess who broke all five? I'll give you zero guesses because you don't need any.
We get a few examples of what a little sh*t weasel Belsnot has turned into. He places a whoppee cushion on a chair in a room with a handful of other elves and when one unexpected elf sits on it, he makes a big scene, pointing and laughing at the elf, who is clearly embarrassed and humiliated. And it's not like a "Haha, Flouflou farted" ribbing in a friendly kind of way, no, he is maliciously laughing at and mocking him. F**k you, Belsneeze. We see him tip over a gum ball machine outside one of the 300,000 stores, so when one elf comes out of that store, he slips on the gum balls and drops his packages. While elves seem to have a high threshold for physical pain (they go through a lot in this movie, but always seem to be fine in the end), this elf could have seriously injured himself. Again, f**k you, Belsnoopy. The only actually funny prank he pulls is when he puts his image on cans of "Rik Cola", when they are usually reserved for images of Santa. (Much like the holiday Coke cans...hey, remember those commercials?)
When Santa asks him what he's doing, he replies, "I build all the best toys around here. It's about time I get some of the credit." Now he says this in English, and not in Elvish. While we sometimes hear the elves maybe say a few words in English, mostly they are talking in their native language, so is speaking quite fluently in English a sign of his intelligence? Also, if he hates humans so much, why is he speaking one of their languages? The last thing he does that sends him over the edge is when he commits vandalism by spray painting his name on the side of Santa's sleigh. When Santa asks him why he would do that, he replies, "Because you care more about children all over the world than you care about me." I mean, Santa can easily just get rid of the paint with a little bit of magic, so Belsnivel's acting out here is pretty weak and lame. Also, shut the f*ck up, Belsnoodle, like seriously. In case you can't tell, I really don't feel sorry for Belsnitch. He's a whiny-ass elf who needs constant attention and praise and can't stand not getting any of the glory when I'm sure the other 999,999 elves (remember, one million elves live in Santa's Village!) are just as accomplished at making toys as he is and they're actually decent elves who don't cause mischief and mayhem. I'd be like, "Bye, Belsnipper, don't let the door hit you on the way out". Well, after breaking the Elves' Code, "he transformed into the thing he despised the most, a human." To quote Nelson from The Simpsons, "HA, HA!" Belsnoozy is so ashamed of his new form that he runs away and never returns...until now. While Mrs. Claus is reading the kids a bedtime story, we see Belsnorkel looking things over in a sly way and says, "In a few hours, this entire village will be nothing but a distance memory." Geeze, he really hates Santa, doesn't he?
I did laugh when Mrs. Claus is done reading the book and claps her hand to turn out the lights. It's done with magic as you can tell from the sound and visual effects, but I love the nod to the Clap On/Clap Off lights. (I feel like my grandma had one of those, but I could be remembering that wrong. Maybe I'm thinking of the commercial...it was always an elderly woman who used those things).
Once everyone is asleep, Belscooter can now hatch his plan. He has a pet yule cat named Jola who he tells to "take care of the reindeer" so they won't bother him while he gets the star. Oh, yeah, did I tell you that's his plan? To get the star tree topper since it powers the entire village. But first, I must interject with something that doesn't make sense. When Belsnap became a human, he went to live in the South Pole. I'm not sure how long he's been living there...maybe a couple years? Who knows. When we are first introduced to Jola (we meet him before we know he and Belsnail are chummy), Santa is chasing him because he keeps trying to take one of his reindeer as a snack. Obviously Jola lives in the North Pole. So why is he Belsnout's pet? I'm so confused. But Jola goes to the stable where Dasher seems to be the head reindeer and is the one who stands up to Jola, protecting the seven other reindeer, but also gets attacked by Jola. Because this is a children's movie, we only see shadows of Jola about to attack Dasher and when the humans find Dasher lying down in the stable (brought to their attention by an elf), there is no blood anywhere. I did like that when the Claus's (is it Claus's or Clauses'?; now I'm confusing myself even more!) are told, they are watching It's a Wonderful Life in Elvish. I'm not really sure why they would have that in that language, unless they have a magic TV that can dub movies in non-human languages.
To cause havoc, Belsnipper drugs the elves with Elf Bane which turns them from sweet and friendly elves into mean and mischievous elves. It's very similar to when Mogwais (don't ask me what the plural of Mogwai is...) turn into Gremlins. And I'm sure that wasn't accidental since Chris Columbus wrote that movie. One elf is even tied up in lights before it breaks free, much like that poor dog. Also, there's a scene that is VERY similar to the one where the gremlins are in a bar just going crazy. In the movie, the scene involves elves dancing to "Who Let the Dogs Out?"
So while Santa, Mrs. Claus, and the kids are fretting over Dasher, who is apparently dying (this movie goes to some dark places!), Belscooby nabs the star, but Santa catches him before he can make his getaway. When he finds out what happened to Dasher, he does look remorseful (I guess a sign that he can be redeemable). He says that Jola was only supposed to scare the reindeer so they would run off into the forest. The kids out the human elf as the guy that drove the shuttle that took them through the portal and Belsnow thanks Kate for helping him get back to Santa's Village, making though as this is all her fault. Belsnub's plan is to take the star back to the South Pole and start his own village, aptly named "Belsnickel's Village" (doesn't roll off the tongue like "Santa's Village") where he's going to gather his own elves and invent "really cool stuff" that "will make everyone forget that the North Pole and Santa Claus ever existed." But that's not the only reason he's taking the star. It will stop him from aging so he can have time to figure out a way to "break this awful curse." When Kate asks him what's so bad abut being human, he responds in a very teen human whiny way: "Humans suck! Elves rule! And I am tired of being a human." Yeah, that's some weak sauce. And YOU suck, Belsuckle.
So he just wants to become an elf again and as Mrs. Claus tells him (and the audience), the only way for him to break the curse is to come home and embrace his family. Dude, you're right there. Just say you're sorry and I don't know if that means to literally hug his family or accept them the way they are, but just do whatever you need to do and you'll be a stupid elf again. This movie could end now, but we still have an hour and eight minutes to go! Belsnuff's response is "Bah humbug!" and Santa scolds him, "You watch your mouth, young elf!" I admit that got a chuckle out of me.
Santa and Belsnickerdoodle get into a brouhaha over the star and end up breaking the veil, which makes everything go dark. Belsneedle ends up with the star and flies off with it in his homemade flying contraption. Santa exclaims, "Without the star, the North Pole, the village, Christmas itself, is doomed!" Kate asks, "Like, for this year?" and Mrs. Claus replies, "Like, forever." Gulp!
It is decided that Santa and Kate will go to Turkey to get a new star, which can only be made by the Forest Elves while Mrs. Claus and Jack will stay behind to take care of Dasher and find a cure for the elves. The excuse they give for Kate joining Santa is that he doesn't think he'll be able to get his sleigh off the ground with only seven reindeer. So a pre-teen girl can hep with that? Really, Santa? It's a very contrived way to get Kate to go with him. When they do start flying away, there's an empty spot in the front where Dasher would have been. Wouldn't it be better to move one of the reindeer from the middle to the front so the missing spot is in the middle so at least the front and back are both loaded with reindeer? I'm no expert in physics, but this just makes more sense to me.
So Santa and Kate get to Turkey, but they don't know that Belsnood has also hitched a ride on the bottom of the sleigh. They talk to the Forest Elves, a new star is made, Belsnapper tries to stop them, yada, yada, yada, they fly back to Santa's Village.
Meanwhile, back at the Village, Mrs. Claus has given Jack the task of finding an arctic flower that "only grows in one place" (which isn't exactly close to where they are). It is the only thing that will cure the elf bane and she needs to stay with Dasher. She gives him a map and some cookies that will help him: a gingerbread man cookie will explode when he throws it and a snowman cookie will give him courage if he eats it. There are two of each cookie on the platter, but he only takes one of each. I mean, why not stock up on more ammunition? There's also two Christmas tree cookies on the plate, but we don't find out if they have any special powers. Naturally, Jack is worried about frost bite, but Mrs. Claus tells him not to worry because she's "an expert at reattaching fingers and toes." You'd think a place brimming with magic, they'd have some kind of heating installation in their winter clothes (btw, Mrs. Claus "magically" changed the kids' resort clothes into winter garb).
Jack has to climb a mountain to get to the antidote so he takes a bite of the snowman cookie to give him courage. Luckily he didn't bite the exploding cookie. He almost did, but then realized that was the wrong one. He does use the exploding gingerbread man cookie when he gets attacked by Jola and they both fall off the mountain. He throws the cookie at the yule cat who runs off and Jack has to climb the mountain again, but finally reaches the flower which he brings back to the stables.
In order to distribute the antidote to the elves, he has to go to a certain spot in the village. The scene where he's fighting through the slew of elves who is making this very difficult for him is quite funny. Mrs. Claus has armed him with a Nerf crossbow and we see slow motion scenes of him shooting at the elves and running and taking cover like this is a war movie. At one point, when the elves are closing in on him, he grab a large lollipop and just smacks the crap out of them. Talk about elf abuse! I love that while the elves turn "bad", the movie at the Polaris theater has turned from Elf to Bad Santa. Personally, I think they should have gone with Gremlins as an inside joke, but they probably wanted to go for a joke that kids would have gotten since it literally says "Bad Santa".
So Santa has dropped Kate off (literally) at the tree so she can reconnect the star to it, but that won't be without any problems. In the air, Santa and his reindeer are about to have a standoff with Belsniffles whose flying contraption is being pulled by a jackal and coyote hybrid called jackalotes. Santa tells him that it "doesn't exactly scream aerodynamic." We see them charging at each and Mrs. Claus throws a gingrbread man cookie that explodes, causing Santa, Belskittles, and all the animals to come crashing down to the ground. The gingerbread man's mouth turns into an "O" expression which got a laugh out of me.
Kate has managed to restore the power of the star and the elves have turned back to their happy, helping, healthy elves selves. The movie is almost over, but we just need to close up Belstar's story. He and Santa share a moment when Santa shows him the first toy they built together. When Belstickle tells the Claus's he's always loved them, he turns back into an elf. All the other elves cheer and are happy, but I'm not sure why. When he WAS an elf, Belsnag was a massive jerk douche to them. I certainly wouldn't be welcoming him back with welcome arms. But, whatever.
There's a nice moment when the kids are saying good-bye to Mrs. Claus as they get in the sled with Santa so he can take them back to their resort in Cancun and she reveals to Jack that the snowman cookie he ate that supposedly had magical powers to give him courage was actually just a regular old cookie and that "the hero was always inside you." Aww.
I did have to laugh when Belsnare jumped into Mrs. Claus's arm and you can tell Goldie Hawn was probably holding a cookie jar or something before they replaced it with the CGI elf.
Kate and Jack are returned to the beach where they meet up with Teddy and he's like, "Oh, cool, you got to see Santa again" and they fill him in on what they did with one sentence each. The adults have returned from their getaway and they are hugged by their kids as though they've been gone for a thousand years and Kate surprises Bob when she seems to have accept his and her mother's relationship. The movie ends with the five of them outside on the beach singing "O Christmas Tree." (This is why I don't think the girl who was always going scuba diving with Teddy was his girlfriend; she wasn't a part of this singalong). While the mere mortals are singing on the beach, we see Santa, Mrs. Claus, and the elves are also singing the same song in Santa's Village. Of course Belsnagglepuss has to be the center of attention. I'm sorry, what did he do again to deserve the Best Elf of the Village title and Santa's and Mrs. Claus's favorite elf? Oh, right, he was a total asshat who whined about being a human when he was one so was rewarded by turning back into a whiny bratty elf. While they are singing this song, it struck me that I never knew the words to it. I could hum it, but I couldn't tell you the words besides the obvious "O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree..." I think there are different variations of it. I feel like this is a song you don't hear a lot on Christmas albums. I honestly couldn't tell you any artist who has covered it. They get a surprise from Santa when he magically makes the words "Merry Christmas" appear in the sky formed by the stars. I'm sure Claire and Bob though it was some sort of special effect the resort put on, but the kids know better.
This was a cute movie and I can see it and its predecesser being holiday staples in peoples' homes. After all, they're both on Netflix, so it's pretty easy to come upon.
HOWEVER, that being said, they could have gone a completely different route with this movie and I, personally, think it would have been more interesting. So there was a part I literally yada-yadaed over earlier in my review and I want to go back to that. It's when Santa and Kate now have their newly minted star and Belsnarl is ready to snatch it from them. He rams into their sleigh which makes the star fall and he throws a device at them which makes them enter a vortex and they find themselves flying above Logan International airport in Boston in the year 1990. Kate is from Boston, but she definitely wasn't around in 1990. I was confused by the year, but it soon becomes clear why it's that particular year.
Their sled loses power and Santa tells Kate that is due to "the lowest Christmas spirit" that people have at airports during the holidays. Their plan is to make people happy at the airport which will power up their sled again and Kate needs to find batteries for the time twister device that made them enter the vortex. I would think this thing would be powered by magic that they would get from lifting peoples' Christmas spirits rather than batteries, but we do get an amusing scene of Kate buying batteries at a newsstand and the woman thinks she's using counterfeit money and notices the bill is from 2020 (I NEVER notice the year on paper money!) and says people "probably won't be using paper money in thirty years." I mean, she isn't totally wrong.
All the flights have been cancelled due to bad weather so that's why everyone is in a bad mood. A woman goes to the ticket counter and demands, "I want a flight to Chicago right now." She totally reminded me of Kate McCallister from Home Alone when she's begging to get on a flight to Chicago to get to her son. It can't be coincidental the same city was used!
Santa uses his magic to have the woman who's working the ticket counter to belt out, "Now wait a minute...!" When she sang those notes, I was like, is that holiday song legend Darlene Love who sang "All Alone on Christmas" from the Home Alone 2 soundtrack and "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)", the opening song from Gremlins, coincidently, both movies Columbus worked on as a director and writer, respectively? Obviously he loves Darlene Love. Oh, by the way, just this year, I learned that she was the original singer of "Baby Please Come Home". I honestly had no idea and never really gave it any thought. There are so many artists who have covered this song (it IS a great song) that I just figured the original just got lost in the shuffle. I was always aware of her version and knew it was one of the best versions of that song and now I know why! It's so good; no wonder so many artists cover it. It also makes SO much sense when she sings the line, "Do you remember sleigh riding in the snow; dancing all night to 'Baby Please Come Home'?" in "All Alone on Christmas?" (Another great song that sadly gets overlooked).
Anyway, Darlene Love can add another Christas song to her repertoire: "The Spirit of Christmas" which she sings with Kurt Russel. It's a catchy little ditty, but it doesn't hold a candle to her other Christmas songs. The song gets everybody in the airport dancing and singing and their Christmas spirits are lifted so much that all the flights are able to be boarded and everyone will be able to be home for Christmas. (I guess Christmas spirit also helps clear up bad weather!)
So while all that is going on, Kate strikes up a conversation with a boy about her age who tells her he's flying to Miami to spend Christmas with his grandparents. Immediately I knew that was her dad; immediately. Later it is confirmed that her dad was 13 when she met him in 1990, so I wonder if she is supposed to be 13 too? :::shrug:: Because the kid doesn't give his name until she and Santa are about ready to leave, she doesn't realize who it is at first. Young Doug is absolutely adorable and if I were a pre-teen girl, I would have a crush on him and I was a little worried that Kate would get a crush on him and this would be a reverse Back to the Future, but this is a family movie, so I figured they wouldn't go there. When she does figure out it's her dad as a thirteen-year-old, she gives him a tearful hug goodby and thanks him. I do have to laugh because they want to make sure the young kids who are watching it know that he is her father as a kid. You would think when he tells her his name is Doug, that would be the obvious clue. But then Santa clarifies that his name is Doug Pierce and when Kate hugs him goodbye, she calls him "Dad" but quickly corrects herself. It just made me laugh that they wanted to make it very clear that this is her dad!
But I think it would have been a more interesting movie if she had spent Christmas with her dad in 1990. Maybe his flight to Miami was cancelled (despite all that Christmas spirit), so she was invited to his house and also got to see her grandparents when they were around her mom's age. Maybe, just maybe, Kate could inspire young Doug to go into a different profession other than a firefighter. Not that I think 13-year-old Doug knew he wanted to be a firefighter, but maybe he and Kate make Christmas cookies and she inspires him to be a pastry chef (do pasty chefs even make cookies? IDK) or maybe they play with Lego bricks and she's impressed with his designs and tells him he should be an architect. I don't know, just something that inspires him so he has a profession that is't so dangerous, so when Kate returns to present her dad is still alive! (Poor Bob). I think they could have had a really cool idea for a movie, but instead they went with the Belsnuffleupagus plot line. Oh, well, at least I had fun making up different names for him and I hope you all got a kick out of that too.
I was listening to this podcast called You Hate Movies (No, I don't; I love movies! - (it's tagline is "The podcast where casual moviegoers, film lovers, and cinephiles argue about movies")) and they were playing a game with Christmas movies where they would save one movie, thus having to "kill" the other one and therefore it would no longer exist in our world. It was a lot of fun as there was a lot of disagreements and arguments amongst everyone on the podcast (about seven people). So I thought I would give my own answers for the choices that were given. Some of them were quite easy and some (one in particular!) were really difficult to choose between.
So here we go:
1. White Christmas or It's a Wonderful Life - I have never seen the former and it's been a VERY long time since I've seen the latter. I would save It's a Wonderful Life due to it's cultural impact...you see way more homages to that movie.
2. Love, Actually or Just Friends - I've never seen Just Friends (didn't even know it was a Christmas movie!) and I love Love, Actually, so that one is a no brainer. Plus Love, Actually just oozes Christmas.
3. Elf or National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation - This one was the most difficult for me. Everyone on the podcast said this was a "clear" winner, but I don't think so! They all thought Christmas Vacation should have been saved even though the girl given the question chose Elf. I love both of these movies so much...they're both in my top five favorite Christmas movies of all time. Both of these movies make me laugh. While Christmas Vacation is my favorite of the Griswold movies, I have to give it to Elf because I quote it so much and I remember seeing it theaters (twice!) and just laughing my head off. But I really do love both of those movies. It would make me sad to live in a world with no Griswold Christmas movie.
4. The Santa Clause or Jingle All the Way - It's been a really long time since I've seen The Santa Clause and I don't think I would particularly enjoy it if I saw it again and you all know how I wasn't that crazy about Jingle All the Way. That being said, I'm going to have to give it to Jingle only because of the Minneapolis setting and for Phil Hartman. But I wish I could get rid of both of these movies and save Elf AND Christmas Vacation!
5. Gremlins or Krampus - I haven't seen Gremlins in a very long time and I've never seen Krampus, but I have to give it to Gremlins just for the nostalgia alone. Plus it has that weird scene (SPOILER ALERT!) where the girl tells that story of how she found out Santa Claus wasn't real when her dad broke his neck going down the chimney trying to surprise his kids as Santa and he died. Oh. My. God! What the ? That is Gremlins, right?
6. Four Christmases or Fred Claus - I haven't seen either of these, but I think I would save Fred Claus only because it sounds like a more interesting movie with Vince Vaughn playing Santa's brother. (As opposed to Vince Vaughn playing Reese Witherspoon's husband). I feel like if I were given a choice to watch either of those movies, I would choose that one.
7. The Family Stone or Love the Coopers - I have never heard of Love the Coopers so I choose The Family Stone by default, a movie which I've only seen once and don't remember much about it.
8. A Christmas Carol or The Polar Express (both from Robert Zemeckis) - I have never seen Zemeckis's A Christmas Carol, but I have always been a fan of the book, The Polar Express, and the train ride to the North Pole was pretty amazing. Some of the CGI in The Polar Express doesn't quite hold up, but for the most part, I did enjoy it.
9. Scrooged or A Muppets Christmas Carol - Well, seeing in my review of Scrooged, I mentioned that my favorite version of A Christmas Carol is A Muppets Christmas Carol, then I think you know what my choice is! Plus, I absolutely love this song:
10. A Christmas Story or Home Alone - This is no contest...Home Alone easily wins this for me. (And it won the round on the podcast). I get that A Christmas Story is a classic, and there are lots of funny moments, but I remember seeing Home Alone in theaters and I made my mom buy the VHS (heh) so I could watch at it my 11th birthday party (which is in September, mind you, so it didn't make any sense to watch a Christmas movie then!) I have a lot of nostalgia for Home Alone while I didn't really even remember when I was first introduced to A Christmas Story (probably one Christmas when it was shown on TBS 24 hours in a row! Well, I don't know when they started doing that...actually I had probably seen it before Home Alone even existed, but I just don't remember!) Plus, Home Alone is way more quotable: "Look what you did, you little jerk!" is a personal favorite of mine.
Cast: Vince Vaughn, Paul Giamatti, Kathy Bates, Miranda Richardson, Kevin Spacey, Rachel Weisz, Elizabeth Banks
Released: November 9, 2007
This is a weird movie that doesn't exactly work. The titular Fred Claus (played by Vince Vaughn) is the older brother of Santa Claus (played by Paul Giamatti). The movie begins in the Middle Ages (according to Wikipedia, but I'll rely on it since we aren't given a certain time period) where young Frederick's mother (played by Kathy Bates) gives birth to a very fat baby whose first words right out of the gate is, "Ho, ho, ho." He is named Nicholas Claus. At first, young Fred is enamored with his baby brother and promises to be the best big brother, but over time he becomes jealous of his perfect brother. Nicholas wants to give all his birthday presents to "the poor orphan down the road" and his mother calls him "my little Saint Nicholas." He likes to be "inventive" and slide down the chimney because "the door was locked" and made himself a red outfit.
The movie explains how it went from olden times to present day by telling us Nicholas fulfilled his mother's prophecy by becoming a saint: "It's a little known rule of saint hood, but when you become a saint, you freeze in time, eternally ageless. The rule apples to the family of the saint and spouses, as well." Oh, that seems convenient. So that means Fred has been around 35 for centuries and centuries. You would think he would have some jokes about all the historical events he's witnessed through all the centuries he's been around, but there are none. It's just a way to explain how Santa's been around all the time and how the movie is set in the present.
Fred lives in Chicago and Vince Vaughn has a couple scenes with kids where he's doing his Vince Vaughn thing where he's just talking a mile a minute, obviously doing his improv thing. He gets into arguments with these kids about Santa. A little girl tells him Santa brought her a TV for Christmas and in return he tells her that Santa's not looking out for her and she should be outside "playing kick-the-can." A young boy called Slam (his real name is Sam) often drops by to visit him in his apartment. He tells Fred that he asked Santa for a puppy, but he doesn't know "how [Santa] will know where to bring [him] gifts this year, because [he doesn't] know where [he'll] be on Christmas morning." Fred asks him if he's ever really though about Santa Claus and tells him how Santa likes the spotlight and craves the attention and adds, "Don't be a cheerleader for Santa...don't drink the Kool-Aid, you're better than that." I did laugh when Slam replies, "I like Kool-Aid."
Apparently, Slam is living alone because his father died and CPS comes to collect him. I'm not sure if Fred knew about this (he did seem surprised when he hears this news). We will check in on Slam a bit later.
Fred has been dating a beautiful British woman named Wanda (played by Rachel Weisz) for the past three years and he has forgotten that it's her birthday tomorrow. He tells her he didn't forget, that he has a special surprise planned for her. She's a little skeptical because the last time he told her he had a surprise for her, he told her to brush up on her French and she thought he was taking her to Paris, which she's always wanted to visit but instead he took her gambling on a riverboat in Indiana. They get coffee and she asks him to tell her what the surprise is and he says it won't be a surprise if he tells her. It's so obvious he forgot and doesn't have anything planned. Outside, he sees a sign behind her advertising for a new restaurant called Bonsai Palace and tells her he's taking her to this great new place and names the restaurant. It's funny when she says that sounds familiar (probably because she's seen the huge billboard for it!). I'm surprised we didn't see her seeing it when they left the coffee shop, but they cut from the scene while they're still there. She obviously had to see it when they eventually left!
Fred is involved in some kind of project involving casinos and real estate. I'm not exactly sure what it was, but he needs $50,000 by the 22nd, which is about a month away. It's not really important what the project is (because, spoiler alert, it will never happen); the main takeaway is that he needs the money. He also needs an extra five grand for bail money because he's been arrested for impersonating a Salvation Army Santa and gets into a huge fight with all these Santas.
Fred calls Nick and at first, it seems like a courtesy call, then he tells his brother if he wanted to send him a gift, he could "send $5,000 to the police station on Michigan Avenue in my name." Nick's wife, Annette (played by Miranda Richardson), doesn't want him to do it, but he tells Fred he'll send it to him. Fred tells his brother he's going to give him a gift in return: "I'm gonna give you $10,000 for Christmas in cash." Of course this confuses Nick because how can Fred give him ten grand when he needs five grand? He points this out and Fred just starts babbling, then adds, "Go ahead and send me $50,000 on top of the five." What the hell? How did we go from five to fifty thousand? It sounds like Fred's done a few scams in his (very long!) lifetime! Nick is firm and tells his brother he'll pay the five thousand for his bail, but if he wants the rest of the money, "then you're just gonna have to come up here" where he can earn the money. Fred isn't so sure, but Nick reminds him he's never come to visit. Really? In ALLLLLLLLLLLL that time, in all those centuries, not once he's ever been curious to check out the North Pole and Santa's Village and see how it all works?
Fred asks him what he would be doing and Nick replies, "Shave reindeer, sprinkle the doodads on the cookies, put the stars where the little guys can't reach." I'm sorry, but this sounds like stuff that won't make him fifty grand! Fred agrees, but tells him he needs to leave by the 22nd and Nick is fine with that.
While he was in jail waiting for the bail money, Wanda was waiting for him at the restaurant and breaks up with him because he never showed. Or maybe she didn't break up with him, but just said she needed a break. I'm not really sure because (spoiler alert:) they will get back together.
Santa's head elf, Willy, has come to pick up Fred in the "company car", which, of course, is the sleigh powered by eight reindeer. When they land in Santa's Village, the Northern Lights are very prominent and there are many elves running around, wearing greed outfits with red and white striped stockings. Fred meets Charlene (played by Elizabeth Banks) who is also known as "Santa's little helper" and she's the one who keeps Santa on schedule. Her nickname is ironic because she's not an elf and a fully grown person. I would love to know her backstory. She's not an elf, so how did she end up there? Is this a Buddy the Elf situation? There's a weird storyline where Willy has a crush on her, but she never remembers her name and Fred teaches him how to dance and he ends up wooing her and they're a couple by the end of the movie. It's a very unnecessary plot line and Charlene is really not needed in this movie. There's a million elves that live and work in the North Pole; one of them can't do her job? And at least the title "Santa's little helper" would make sense if it was attached to an actual elf!
Fred is sharing a room with Willy, no, I take that back. He's sharing a bunk bed with Willy. He's on the top bunk and Willy asks him if he would be more comfortable on the bottom bunk, but Fed tells him it wouldn't make much difference. We see his legs hanging from the end of the bed. I can't imagine how uncomfortable that would be!
The next morning, Willy gives Fred "a full orientation of the gift giving process" (which was ordered by Santa). They enter the work shop which is full of elves working on and making. toys. Willy explains that kids write to Santa to tell them what they want, then the letter are delivered to the North Pole Post Office, "The busiest in the whole world" (and kids can just write "Santa Claus, North Pole" and they're good to go!). The letters are sent to the toy factory where "each and every toy that a child asks for is handmade by the elves...once built, the toys make their way to packaging...the toys are stored until Christmas Eve when Santa delivers them." I loved Fred's dry reply: "Good to know, thank you, Willy."
Nick shows Fred the "Naughty / Nice Department" which "is the key to the whole process, the nerve center of the entire operation." There's a huge crystal snow globe where you can say the name of anybody in the world and their image will appear at that moment.
There's a "Ten Most Naughty List" with the names of the kids and what they did. I paused to read some of the reasons for these kids being on the top of the Naughty List:
-bit his dentist and his father
-made her teacher cry every day
-gave mother a nervous breakdown
-got teacher arrested at trip to White House
-toilet papered house of his vice principal
-stole piggy bank from his best friend
-wore same underwear for 17 days
-poisoned fourth grade class hamster
-locked little brother in closet
-changed report card grades
I feel like a couple of these should be higher than the kid who bit his father and dentist, who, at this moment, is the most naughty kid in the world. I don't know, maybe the boy who locked his brother in a closet or the girl who (intentionally?) poisoned her class hamster or the girl who got her teacher arrested? What the hell would she be doing to cause her teacher to get arrested? Biting your dentist seems par for the course for a little kid...a dentist sticks their fingers in your mouth, it seems something a little kid would do.
Nick tells Fred that sometimes kids are both naughty and nice (duh, I feel like that's the majority of kids) and they do "an up-to-date determination." He demonstrate how the snow globe works by saying a name of a random kid and his location. We see a kid in his sister's room just smashing everything with a plastic bat. I think we all know what list he's currently on!
Fred's job is to review files of kids and either stamp them as "naughty" or "nice." These files also include the letter they sent to Santa. An elf brings him a tall pile of files and he asks if that's it and the elf replies, "Yeah, right. That's just Bethesda, Maryland." As you can imagine, there will be piles upon piles of files all around the room.
Nick and Annette (remember, that's Santa and Mrs. Claus) are visited by an "efficiency expert" named Clyde Northcutt (played by Kevin Spacey), who has a backstory of hating Christmas and is trying to ruin it for everyone else. He shows the Clauses (Claus's?) a graph of how "the average size of a child's wish list has grown substantially in the last 200 years." The x-axis shows years and the y-axis shows the number of gifts kids ask for. By "present day" 2007, it's up to 25 gifts! Clyde explains, "In the 1800s, children rarely asked for more than one item and usually these items were of an intangible nature - something like a family member's health or the end of war or famine....today, the average child asks for 15 gifts per letter." He tells Nick that his toy line operation is getting "further behind each year...it's simply not good enough." Nick reminds him he doesn't give every child every toy they want as "part of Christmas is being grateful for the things that we can have." Clyde threatens that he might have to shut him down and a new operation will be "based at the South Pole." He tells Santa that he has three strikes. If he can make it through Christmas without three strikes, he'll keep his job. If he gets three strikes, "the entire operation will shut down permanently." Well, guess what Strike One is? Oh, wait, you wouldn't know because I haven't set the scene up yet.
So while the Clauses were visiting with Mr. Northcutt, Fred was getting tired of hearing "Here Comes Santa Claus" which is the only song they play while the elves are working. Even though they play different variations of it, I would also get tired of the same song being played over and over again. (And they can't play other Santa Claus themed songs like "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" or "Up on the Rooftop"?) Fred tells DJ Donny (yes, there is a DJ elf whose only job is to play the same song) that he needs to stop playing the same song because it "becomes like mental torture." Donny refuses to change the song, saying it's catchy. Fred puts him in "the naughty cabinet" and plays a different song. He plays "Rubberneckin'" by Elvis Presley, a song I wasn't familiar with, so I don't know if it's a deep cut in Elvis's discography.
At first, the elves don't like the song and they're covering their ears, but then they soon find themselves getting into the groove and soon start dancing and cheering on Fred when he starts dancing, front and center. DJ Donny gets out of the cabinet looking mad, but even then he starts to get into the music.
Clyde and the Clauses are on their way to the workshop as Santa is telling Northcutt the elves are hardworking and dedicated. Now do you see where this is going? When they enter the building, all the elves are cheering on a dancing Fred while all the toys and gifts are getting ruined because nobody is there to work on the assembly lines. It was pretty funny when Fred (a rather tall man) jumps into the sea of elves and crowd surfs.
Clyde gives Santa his first mark and later we will see him shredding many of the files and letters to Santa the children wrote in a way to frame Fred and for this he gives Santa his second mark.
The next day, Fred tells his brother he didn't do anything with the files. Nick tells him how important they are because without them, they "have no idea what the children want, or whether they've been marked "naughty" or "nice" and how it was Fred's responsibility to keep track of them."
When Clyde gives Santa his second strike, he feigns concern about Fred and asks Nick if he's "asked for large sums of money recently" or if he's "gotten into trouble with the law?" Nick confirms this and Clyde says Fred is crying out for help and that someone needs to step in and help him. This results in an intervention with the family. Even Wanda is there. At first I was wondering if she knew about Santa being Fred's brother, but my question was quickly answered when he tells her, "My brother is Santa Claus" and she replies, "Yeah, I can see that. The whole thing's been a little bit unusual." For someone who found out Santa Claus is real (and is the brother of her boyfriend) and had to travel to the North Pole (how did she even get there? Did an elf pick her up in the sleigh?), she seems pretty chill about the whole thing. The only slightly funny thing about this scene was Annette saying that her husband was "dangerously overweight" and Nick's mother saying there was nothing wrong with him.
Fred reminds them that tomorrow is his last day on the job and then he'll go home and be out of their lives forever.
A new kid has taken over "the number one Most Naughty spot" and wouldn't you know it, it's Slam. Fred uses the snow globe to check in on him and we see him in the orphanage with other young boys. One kid asks another kid what he wants for Christmas and he replies, "A family" and the other kid says he's asking for one too. This makes Slam get up from his bed and tell them Santa's not brining them families and that "Santa Claus is a clown. He's a fame junkie." He's basically repeating everything that Fred told him earlier. He proceeds to get into a shoving match with the other boys. One of them tells him he's never getting adopted because he's mean. While not great behavior from Slam, does he really warrant the #1 spot for the Most Naughty Kid? I think Santa is a little incensed that this kid is telling other kids unflattering things about him and that's why he made the #1 spot.
Fred looks at Slam's letter to Santa (luckily it wasn't one of the ones that got shredded, but really, how many files could get shredded out of the millions and millions of children who have files?) and it's a really cute one asking Santa for a puppy. Fred stamps his file as "nice", then starts stamping all the other letters as nice as well.
Nick finds out about this and demands to know why Fred marked every nice child as "nice and says they cannot make enough presents for all the kids with three days left and deliver them. This results in him getting his third strike and Northcutt hands him a "notification of termination" card as he says, "You're fired."
Apparently, Fred was paid fifty grand for stamping a bunch of papers (get me a job in the North Pole!) and he's back in Chicago. He finds a present from his brother and unwraps it to reveal a bird house like he used to make when he was a child. Nick apologizes for cutting down his tree where he hung the birdhouse, which smashed it. Of course, all of this happened centuries ago, but I guess it's the thought that counts.
Fred goes to a support group called Siblings Anonymous which felt like it could be a skit on SNL. In fact, this would make more sense to have it condensed to an eight minute skit rather than trying to make it into a two hour movie. It's basically a group of people (I think they were all men) who have a sibling (they all seemed to be brothers) who is very famous. There's Frank Stallone, Bill Clinton's brother, and one of the Baldwins...I think Stephen. I did laugh when Fred introduces himself: "I"m Fred Claus. I'm Santa Claus's brother" and everyone is just looking incredulously at him. This scene is here for Fred to realize he needs to get back to the North Pole and help his brother. He spends all his money he earned to get back. We see him take a plane, a boat breaking through the ice, being pulled on a sled by huskies, then he snow shoes the rest of the way. Was he not allowed to have Willy pick him up in the sleigh? Did he not tell anyone he was coming because he wanted it to be a surprise? It must have taken him a week just to get there that way when riding in Santa's sleigh probably only takes an hour, if that. (Just speculating.)
Okay, I guess it didn't take him a week to get there because he returned to Chicago on the 22nd and he's back in the North Pole by the 24th. That's gotta give you some jet lag whiplash! He has all the elves gathered in the workshop and tells them they "gotta make as many presents as they can in ten hours." Ten hours? WTF? He asks what would be the easiest toys to make and they decide on baseball hats for boys and hula hoop for girls. Hmm...are baseball hats considered "a toy"? I would say no. Charlene tells him it's possible to do, but it's not what the kids asked for and he says what's most important is that all the kids get a toy and that someone is thinking about them.
Nick is in bed because he's thrown his back out and can't drive the sleigh (great timing, Santa!). Fred tells Willy he can deliver the presents, but the elf says he can't because the rule is that "only a Claus can deliver the presents." I'll give you three guesses who delivers the presents.
Fred and Nick have a heart to heart where Fred tells his brothers there are no naughty kids, just that "some are scared and some of them don't feel listened to and some of them had some pretty rough breaks." He convinces his brother that every kid deserves a present on Christmas which is a nice sentiment.
Northcutt sees the sleigh and tries to stop them from going, but they ignore his orders. Once they begin their descent, Willy tells Fred (wearing the Santa suit, of course) they only have ten hours to deliver and they need to be done "by 5.39 a.m. North Pole time", which is sunrise. That doesn't seen like enough time to me.
Willy gives Fred Claus a few pointers and advice like it won't be pleasant going down the chimneys and to eat the cookies because "it hurts people's feelings if you don't eat the cookies." I can confirm this is true. I feel like there was one Christmas where the cookies were still on the plate when I woke up in the morning and I'm pretty sure my feelings were hurt! Fred delivers all the presents in a Christmas montage sent to "Christmas Wrapping" (underrated Christmas song if you ask me).
When they get to Chicago, he stops to chat with Slam. He's sitting so he's not facing Slam and the floppy part of his hat is covering his face so Slam can't see him. Although you would think Slam would be able to recognize Fred's voice. It's a nice moment when Slam says, "Santa, you found me" and "Santa" replies, "Yeah, I found you. I find all the good kids." He takes a puppy out of his bag (hmm, if I were one of the kids who got a baseball hat or hula hoop I'd be a little irritated that this kid gets a puppy!). "Santa" tells Slam he got some advice a little while ago and that he shouldn't heed it and gives him new advice: "The world is what you make it...I want you to believe in yourself, Slam, cause you got a lot to believe in."
Slam will have a happy ending and by the next Christmas he will be spending it with a family who adopted him.
We also find out Clyde has a backstory where he made the Most Naught List in 1969 because he would get into fights with kids who called him "four eyed Clyde" (because he wears glasses, you see) and he was mad at Santa because he had asked for a Superman cape the year before that he never received. I feel like the whole Christmas-hating Clyde was unnecessary. Fine, he can still be the efficientcy expert and he can still threaten to shut down operations, but have Fred be the cause of Santa getting all three strikes (he already was the reason he got two strikes!) and then Fred makes it up by delivering the presents and saving Christmas.
There's a very sentimental scene at the end where all the elves and Mr. and Mrs. Claus are watching the kids open their presents the next morning on the snow globe. It's set to a melancholy "Silent Night" sung by Sinead O'Connor. It's a sweet scene, but the tone doesn't seem to match the movie. Fred also joins to watch and Nick tells him, "You are the best big brother anybody could ever ask for."
Fred surprises Wanda with the trip to Paris she's always wanted and they take Santa's sleigh around the Eiffel Tower. Everyone is happy. Whoopty doo.
The sad thing is, I gotta couple more Christmas movies to review and this might be the best one of the bunch which is saying a lot!
Miracle on 34th Street
Director: George Seaton
Cast: Maureen O'Hara, Natalie Wood, Edmund Gwenn, John Payne
Released: May 2, 1947
Oscar nominations:
Best Picture (lost to Gentleman's Agreement)
Best Supporting Actor - Edmund Gwenn (won)
Best Original Story - Valentine Davies (won)
Best Screenplay - George Seaton (won - okay, isn't that the same as "original story"?)
For my traditional Christmas movie review, I was going to do a double review of this movie and the 1994 remake, but I could not get my hands on the '94 one. (You'd think this one would be the harder one to find!) The only time I saw it at my local video store was when I rented this one, but I didn't want to get that one too because I would look stupid renting two of the same movie. (They're not the same, but you know what I mean!) And even though it was my #1 on my Netflix queue, they kept sending me the discs for season 4 of Modern Family which were listed after that one. So no double feature this year. It would have been interesting to compare the two movies. Maybe I will do the '94 remake next year as a holiday bonus movie. If I can find it, that is!
This is the first time I've seen the original. I had seen the remake when it came out and then again on home video, but it's been awhile since I've seen that, though I certainly remembered elements from that one while watching this one. I'm pretty sure the remake is an exact replica of the original although I'm sure they changed a few things. I just can't tell you what those might be! Apparently there's also been two made-for-TV remakes that came out in 1959 and 1973 which I didn't even know had existed! It's been almost twenty years since the theatrical remake...I think it's about time for another rendition of this Christmas classic!
When I first saw the '94 version, my first introduction to this movie, I was old enough to know (spoiler alert!) Santa isn't real. (Please, I had figured that out when I saw a price tag from Toys R Us on one of my toys!) But I could totally suspend my imagination and believe that Santa could be real in movies like he is in Elf, Ernest Saves Christmas, and many others. So when I watched Miracle on 34th Street ('94), I just believed that he was the real Santa and didn't even think about it. But watching Miracle on 34th Street ('47), I wasn't so sure. Is he really Santa or is he just a kind-hearted man, but a bit loony and really believes he is a fictional character? I can't remember if they gave him any sort of magical powers in the '94 version that would make it no doubt he really was Santa or if it's just because I'm a little older and a little wiser and psycho-analyze things too much. This is why it would have been nice to re-watch the remake! In Elf, Santa lives in the North Pole with his toy-making elves (and Buddy!) and flies a sleigh pulled by his eight reindeer. Neither Santa does that in the Miracle movies, but there are other signs that he could be Santa Claus, although everything can be explained. You certainly can't explain how you can ride in a sleigh by flying reindeer!
The film starts out in New York at the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade where Kris Kringle (Edmund Gwenn), as he calls himself, fills in for the drunk man who was supposed to play Santa. He seems to know what he's doing with the reins, but he could just be an excellent horseback rider. Before that, he tells a shop owner that his miniature reindeer are in the wrong spot. (How can you even tell Prancer from Cupid, Comet, etc.?) He could have just been pulling that out of his butt and telling the show owner some gibberish to make it sound like he knew what he was talking about. When he gets a job as a department store Santa at Macy's, instead of trying to sell the extra stock they have at the store like he was told, he tells the parents where they can find a toy if Macy's doesn't carry it. He could have just done his homework. Although this was before the Internet existed, so it probably took more time, but he could have visited every store and took inventory of their stock. By the way, I didn't know Gimbles was a real store. My first instruction to it was in Elf and I just thought it was a made up department store for that movie. Too bad Buddy the Elf wasn't around back then to decorate their department store for them.
When Doris Walker (Maureen O'Hara), who hired Kringle at Macy's, asks to see his contact information, she is given a card with an address from the North Pole. It could be that he is homeless and just wrote the first thing he thought of! And since he really does believe he is Santa Claus (perhaps it's the beard?), he is taken to court to question his sanity. There is that scene where his lawyer (and Mrs. Walker's love interest), Fred Gailey (John Payne), shows evidence that he is the real Santa because all these bags of letters addressed to "Santa" have been delivered to the courthouse. Since all those letters were delivered to this man who says he is Santa at this address where he's being held, that must mean he really is Santa! Well, not exactly. There's a scene at the post office where they are trying to get rid of all the letters addressed to Santa they've accumulated throughout the years (what do they do with those anyway?), so they decide to send them to the courthouse because they've read about Kris Kringle in the paper and they just want to get rid of all those letters! I don't think that scene really proved he is Santa. And then you have the last scene (which I remember in the remake too) where it's Christmas day and Doris's daughter, Susan (Natalie Wood) is upset because she didn't get what she asked Santa for....which was a house, duh, of course it's not going to fit under your tree! She goes for a drive with her mom and Fred and makes them stop the car when she sees the house she showed a picture of to Kris with a "for sale" sign the yard. She yelps and jumps around the house, happy and pleased that Santa remembered her gift. I rolled my eyes when Fred says, "Well, now we have to buy it for her." Nice gift, "Santa", you're making the adults pay for it!
I'm not trying to be a total Scrooge, but I'm just pointing out that this so-called Santa could just be a demented, albeit, kind, old man who does think he is really Santa. They never give you any concrete evidence that he is a character who travels around the world in one night to deliver toys to all the children. I think they want you to believe he is Santa, but leave it up to interpretation. Or maybe I'm just a total downer!
Let's talk about Susan. Let's just forget the fact that it was totally ridiculous that her mom and Mr. Gailey decide just to buy a new house because she asked Santa for one. That whole thing aside, I'm sorry, but this little girl has a stick up her butt. She is just so...unfun and acts more like an adult than a kid. I can't remember if Mara Wilson's Susan was like this too. Susan is probably no more than eight and doesn't believe in Santa. (I blame that on her mom who also seems to be really uptight.) There's a scene where she's telling Kris that her schoolmates were pretending to be animals and they wanted her to be a bear and she indignantly tells him, "I'm not a bear! I'm a girl!" Oh my God, it's called having an imagination! Kids like that are the worst! She does learn to be more like a kid, so she gets a little better but she totally looses me again at the end with her ridiculous present from "Santa".
This movie came out in May, which today is unheard of for a Christmas movie not to come out in November or December. (The '94 one came out in November.) The reason it came out nearly six months before Christmas was because more people back then went to movies during the summer rather than the winter and they wanted to be sure they made money. They didn't market the movie as a Christmas movie and instead of showing scenes from the movie when they were promoting it, they did an advertisement where they said this movie was "romantic", "thrilling", "funny", and any other adjective you could think of to make people see it. It seemed to work because it became a big hit for its time and was nominated for a few Oscars (and won most of them). It's a nice movie, but to me, it really doesn't feel like a Christmas movie. It just seems to be lacking that extra spark.
I searched online and found some Christmas movies this or that questions that I thought would be fun to answer (in a festive red and green color scheme, no less!):
1. Love, Actually or The Holiday - I remember not being very fond of The Holiday and I really like Love, Actually, so this is an easy choice. (I don't think they're all going to be so cut and dry!)
2. How the Grinch Stole Christmas orMiracle on 34th Street - I'm not sure if this is the animated television special from the' 60s or the 2000 movie with Jim Carrey. Either way, I'm going with Miracle (whether it's the one from 1947 or 1994, it doesn't matter). I haven't seen the animated Grinch in years and the 2000 movie is not that good, so therefore either iteration of Miracle wins this for me.
3. The Polar Express or The Christmas Chronicles - This might be a controversial pick, but I'm going with the latter. I love the illustrated Polar Express children's book and the movie is good for what it is, but The Christmas Chronicles has a certain charm and was a nice addition to the Christmas movie canon.
4. Nativity! or The Muppet Christmas Carol - Even if I was familiar with Nativity! (which I'm not), I would still choose Muppet Christmas Carol.
5. Scrooge or It's a Wonderful Life - So I had to look up to see if Scrooge was a movie (it is; it came out in 1970) and not some typo where they forgot to add the d at the end and meant the Bill Murray movie from 1988. I have never seen Scrooge (which, according to Wikipedia is "a musical adaptation of Charles Dicken's A Christmas Carol") so therefore I'm going with It's a Wonderful Life which I haven't seen in years, and, if I'm being honest, I don't think I've actually seen the entirety of in one sitting.It wins more on a technicality.
6. Bad Santa or Die Hard - I've never seen Bad Santa, but I still think I would go with Die Hard even if I had because it's such a classic Christmas action movie and who has never quoted Alan Rickman as Hans Gruber dryly saying, "Ho, ho, ho"?
7. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation or A Bad Mom's Christmas - I'm starting to sound like a broken record! I've never seen A Bad Mom's Christmas and while I'm sure it's very funny, even if I was familiar with it, there's no way it can be better than Christmas Vacation because now only is that a classic Christmas comedy, but it's also the best (in my option and I think a lot of people's) movie with the Griswold family.
8. Elf or A Christmas Story- I have to go with Elf and not because I love to quote it and I remind people every year how "the best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear" and that the four food groups of elves are candy, candy canes, candy corn, and syrup, but I do prefer it to A Christmas Story. Elf is in my top three for favorite Christmas movies while A Christmas Story isn't even making my top ten.
9. The Santa Clause or Jingle All the Way - I'm going with The Santa Clause because while I don't love this movie, I remember Jingle All the Way being pretty dumb and The Santa Clausedoes have an interesting premise (though the sequels are awful).
10. Happiest Season or Last Christmas - I'm not familiar with nor have seen Happiest Season, but I remember liking Last Christmas and thought it was charming.
11. Home Alone or Home Alone 2 - While I do like Home Alone 2, I have to go with the original.
Christmas movie adjacent questions!
1. Cameron Diaz's mansion or Kate Winslet's cottage - This is referring to The Holiday and of course I'm taking Kate Winslet's cozy English cottage which Cameron Diaz stayed at when she swapped houses with a stranger for the holidays.
2. Kurt Russell's Santa or Richard Attenborough's Kris Kringle -The Kurt Russell Santa from The Christmas Chronicles(and its sequel) is more of a cool Santa while the Richard Attenborough Santa from the remake of Miracle on 34th Street is more of a traditional Santa. I think the Russell Santa would be more fun to hang out with. Thought I do feel this is weird pitting these two against each other since we know Russell is definitely Santa in The Christmas Chronicles, but we're really never really sure about Santa in Miracle. This should have been Attenborough's Santa or Edmund Gwenn's Santa or Russell's Santa against Tim Allen's Santa since we know Santa Claus is a real person who exists in The Santa Clause movies.
3. Michael Caine's Scrooge or Alastair Sim's Scrooge - I don't even know what A Christmas Carol version Sim is from, but I'm choosing Michael Caine because he's Scrooge in A Muppet's Christmas Carol!
4. Kevin McCallister (Home Alone) or Susan Walker (Miracle on 34th Street) - Kevin is more of an iconic Christmas character to me. I do like Mara Wilson's Susan more than Natalie Wood's as I felt Wood seemed more like a mini adult with a stick up her butt. At least Wilson's Susan felt more like a kid. But Kevin is the ultimate Christmas movie kid.
5. Would you rather be Kevin from Home Alone or Kate from The Christmas Chronicles - Of course I'd rather be Kate from The Christmas Chronicles! She gets to meet Santa and ride in his sleigh and travel to the North Pole...twice! Santa's Village in the two Christmas Chronicles films looks awesome! If I were Kevin, I would be terrified if I was left home alone and there were two burglars trying to get into my house! I probably wouldn't be able to come up with all those DIY traps like he did; I'm just not very handy around the house, especially at the age of 8.
I would be shocked if there's anyone out there who has never seen this movie. It's not just one of the funniest holiday movies I've ever seen, but one of the funniest movies I've seen, period. I'm sure I have seen it well over ten times (possibly even more!) and I still laugh at certain scenes even though I know what's coming up. I can pretty much recite the dialogue verbatim and have used many of the lines in my own life. Who haven't we called a "cotton-headed ninny muggins"? And while there are many important things in this world that I SHOULD know, but don't, I can proudly recite the four main food groups of elves: candy, candy canes, candy corns, and syrup. Because God knows when you're going to need to know that! (By the way, wouldn't candy canes and candy corns be lumped in with candy? Why do they get their own special group? I kinda get candy canes because they're synonymous with Christmas, but candy corn is more of a Halloween confection. If you really think about it, elves only have one major food group and it is SUGAR! We know Buddy LOVES sugar! I love the scene where he pours syrup all over his spaghetti, then crumbles a Pop Tart over it.)
The elves kinda seem to be jerks because they shame Buddy when they learn he's only built 85 Etch-a-Sketches, making him 955 off pace. I remember having an Etch-a-Sketch as a kid. Come to think of it, was it even possible to draw anything but a few squiggles? I love that Buddy draws the Mona Lisa on one later when he's preparing for Santa's visit to the department store ("SANTA! I know him, I know him!"), but there's no way anybody could ever do that, right?? I think the worst part of being an elf would absoluetly have to be testing the Jack in the Boxes. I would be like Buddy, cringing ever time the creepy figurine would pop up and it would be even worse if it popped up later than expected. Jack in the Boxes are the devil's toy!
When Buddy learns he's actually a human and not an elf (took him awhile to figure that out and he only found out because he heard the elves talking about it), he decides to trek to New York City to find his father, Walter Hobbs (James Caan) who's on the...DUN DUN DUN....naughty list. I love how immediately after we're told this, we cut to a scene where we see Walter, who works at a publishing company, telling a sweet frail old nun he has to take back the books because they missed the payment and the nun says, "But the children love the books!" They're really showing us this guy is a real a-hole!
Will Ferrell is infectious and has a childlike earnest as Buddy that you can see why he's so likable, but you can also see why people would get impatient with him! A few years after this movie was released, I wrote a Harry Potter fanfic called Hogwarts' Next Top Witch (obviously a parody of America's Next Top Model) and there's a chapter where Harry, Ron, and Ron's dad go to Harrods and I blatantly stole a lot of things out of Elf (don't worry; I gave the movie credit) when Buddy goes to Gimbel's: I had Arthur go through the revolving door about four times just like Buddy; I had him eagerly accept passion fruit spray, spraying it in his mouth just like Buddy; I had him afraid to go on the escalator, again, just like Buddy; and I had him push all the buttons on the elevator, just like Buddy does when he pushes all the elevator buttons when he's at the Empire State Building. ("It looks like a Christmas tree!") I told you I blatantly stole a lot of lot of things from Elf while writing that chapter! I visited New York a year and a half after Elf was released and I'm sure I mentioned something about that scene when we went to the Empire State Building. I have a feeling there's no way you could do that as they have people who work there manning the elevators, right? I don't remember for sure, but they must so people can't mess with the buttons. My friend and I once did that at a hotel in Denver (but there was, like maybe ten buttons instead of the 100 or so buttons the ESB probably has.) We also didn't do it while someone was in the elevator with us, but when we saw someone was getting on the elevator as we were exiting, we sure ran as hell!
I would be shocked if there's anyone out there who has never seen this movie. It's not just one of the funniest holiday movies I've ever seen, but one of the funniest movies I've seen, period. I'm sure I have seen it well over ten times (possibly even more!) and I still laugh at certain scenes even though I know what's coming up. I can pretty much recite the dialogue verbatim and have used many of the lines in my own life. Who haven't we called a "cotton-headed ninny muggins"? And while there are many important things in this world that I SHOULD know, but don't, I can proudly recite the four main food groups of elves: candy, candy canes, candy corns, and syrup. Because God knows when you're going to need to know that! (By the way, wouldn't candy canes and candy corns be lumped in with candy? Why do they get their own special group? I kinda get candy canes because they're synonymous with Christmas, but candy corn is more of a Halloween confection. If you really think about it, elves only have one major food group and it is SUGAR! We know Buddy LOVES sugar! I love the scene where he pours syrup all over his spaghetti, then crumbles a Pop Tart over it.)
When Buddy learns he's actually a human and not an elf (took him awhile to figure that out and he only found out because he heard the elves talking about it), he decides to trek to New York City to find his father, Walter Hobbs (James Caan) who's on the...DUN DUN DUN....naughty list. I love how immediately after we're told this, we cut to a scene where we see Walter, who works at a publishing company, telling a sweet frail old nun he has to take back the books because they missed the payment and the nun says, "But the children love the books!" They're really showing us this guy is a real a-hole!
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