Hakuna Matata

The Lion King 
Director: Jon Favreau
Cast: Donald Glover, James Earl Jones, Beyonce, Seth Rogen, John Oliver, Billy Eichner, Chiwetel Ejiofor
Released: July 19, 2019
Viewed in theaters: July 23, 2019

When I first saw the trailer for this, which I think was released way back in November, I was really excited for it because it looked amazing and so realistic, and of course, the animated 1994 Lion King is a beloved Disney movie. (I did roll my eyes, however, when I saw Beyonce was in the cast. It felt like they only cast her to make sure they bring in the big bucks, which, of course any moron could tell you this movie is going to make a crapton of money! And, surprise, it did and it will continue making loads of money). Then, as the months ticked by, I started to get a little bit nervous. While they had new trailers with the characters talking, they never showed any scenes with them singing and that made me wonder how THAT would look with realistic animals singing famous Disney songs. Not to mention the score on Rotten Tomatoes was on the rotten side, so I went in with low expectations. That's probably the reason why I liked it more than I thought I would. I don't think it's as bad as the critics are saying; it was fun hearing the songs from my favorite '90s Disney soundtrack (well, MOST of them...we'll get to that later; I'm sure you know which song I'm talking about that they totally butchered!) The movie totally follows the same plot as the '94 one (as I was expecting) but there are a few changes and added scenes, so if you haven't seen this and don't want to be spoiled at all, then come back and read this after you've seen it. A word I've seen thrown out to describe this movie is "unnecessary" and that is a perfect word to describe it. Nobody needed this movie. Why do we need it when we have a perfectly serviceable animated movie that is exactly the same thing, but better and makes more sense in an animated format instead of a photo realistic one? Seriously, at least with cartoon characters you can draw them to express their feelings in their faces, while with lions and hyenas and the like, it's kind of hard to do that. Sure, you can tell us a lion is angry if he's roaring and swiping his paws at the hyena, but when we see Simba and Nala at the watering hole looking at each, they just look like lions having a drink; they don't look like lions who are falling in love with each other. The only reason we know this is because "Can You Feel the Love Tonight" is playing. And also because we've seen the original so we know every beat of the movie.

Let's talk about the songs, shall we? All the original songs are in the remake and they are all the same (although they're all decent/good, I prefer the original songs but that's probably because I'm so used to hearing them since I've known them for the last twenty-five years!) The one song that is totally different is "Be Prepared", which is my favorite Disney villain song. Not only is this song a much shorter version of it (which I understand since the dynamic between Scar and the hyenas is different in this movie the the '94 one), but it's not sung, but more like chanted. Somebody described it as beat poetry which made me laugh. It just doesn't sound cool like it does in the original. It just sounds weird and awkward and makes you want to know what they did with one of the best songs in the movie. Luckily I had listened to the new songs on Spotify so I was already, ahem, prepared for the atrocity. Did you notice it was daylight, nowhere close to dusk when they sing "Can You Feel the Love Tonight?" Also, Beyonce was way over-singing that song with all her trills and and riffs. She is just going every which way. When she and Donald Glover are singing together, you can hardly hear him! I've been listening to the 2019 soundtrack and I laugh every time I listen to this song! I thought young Simba and Nala singing "I Just Can't Wait To Be King" sounded better; yeah, I said it! I noticed there was a song on the soundtrack by Beyonce called "Spirit" and I figured they must play it during the end credits, but no, it's in the movie when Simba and Nala return to Pride Rock. The full song is almost five minutes and while I don't know if they played the entire song during this scene, God, it sure felt like it! It's a fine song and all, but just didn't feel like it fit in and was super unnecessary. It just felt like it was an excuse to get a Beyonce song in there. In the original, there's a cute little throwaway scene of Timon and Pumbaa singing a few lines of "The Lion Sleeps Tonight", but in this movie, the whole song is sung and I really liked it. It was really funny how the other animals were swaying along to the music and then they would join them. Just the way it was shot made me smile.

Now let's talk about the characters, shall we? Timon and Pumbaa (voiced by Billy Eichner and Seth Rogen) were my favorites. This is where we get all our funny moments and probably the most changes, albeit slight. When Simba tells them about the Circle of Life, they tell him they think life is more of a "meaningless line of indifference". Also, I laughed during the meta "Hakuna Matata" joke. When they tell Simba their motto and he's like, "Hakuna, what?", I love that they're shocked that he doesn't know what it is and tell him they usually get a bigger reaction and people start clapping. I mean, "Hakuna Matata" isn't just the most well-known phrase to come out of the '94  Lion King and not just the most well-known phrase to come out of the '90s Disney movies, but probably one of the most well-known phrases of any movie. When you say (or sing!) "Hakuna Matata" everyone knows what it means ("It means no worries...for the rest of your day!") and what movie it's from. EVERYONE knows this and it's been a huge part of pop culture for the last 25 years so I thought it was super funny that they make a meta joke out of it. I also thought it was funny at the end of the song when Timon comments on how Simba has gained 400 pounds, implying that they've been singing this song on a loop for quite awhile! And I loved, during the interlude when they're teaching Simba to eat grubs and telling him how delicious they are, Pumbaa adds, "And they're local!" and Timon says, "Oh, are they?" and Pumbaa says, "Yeah, they're from right here! " and points to the log that's right in front of them. That got a good chuckle out of me. Also, I don't understand how anything that's described as "slimy" could also be "satisfying." Ick. Slimy does not equal satisfying! Another funny little change with our favorite meerkat and warthog (by the way, animated cartoon warthogs are cute; photo realistic warthogs? Not so much.) is when they're at Pride Rock with Simba and Nala and need to use live bait to distract the hyenas. I was wondering if they were going to dress Timon in a hula costume, but instead he sings the opening lines to "Be Our Guest" from Beauty and the Beast (complete with a faux French accent) and I'm thinking, Are they singing a song from another '90s Disney movie? Oh, yes. Yes, they are. It was very jarring to hear a song from another Disney Renaissance movie in this one, but I suppose Disney does have the rights to it!

My least favorite character, or maybe disappointing would be a more accurate word, was Scar. Perhaps if I had seen this movie without seeing the original, I would have thought Chiwetel Ejiofor did a good job; he does sound menacing and fierce, but he is no Jeremy Irons who made that character. Jeremy Irons will always be Scar to me. In fact, when I reviewed Reversal of Fortune, I mentioned that whenever he spoke, all I could hear was Scar! He just has such a distinct voice that is perfect for a Disney villain. Ejiofor is fine and all, but he's just not the Scar that we all know and love to hate. I was also confused on some of the line readings for Scar. In the original, when Scar is about to push Mufasa off the cliff, he says, "Long. Live. The. King.", making an evil deliberate pause between each word while in the remake, he just nonchalantly says, "Long live the king".  They really should have brought Jeremy Irons back to play Scar just like the did with bringing back James Earl Jones to voice Mufasa. Wouldn't that be funny if they just reused the original voiceover he did? They really could have because Mufasa says the exact same lines, but I have a feeling you could probably tell from the audio quality. Plus, I heard he recorded his lines again for the new one.

Mufasa! Mufasa! Mufasa! I just hear that name and it makes me shiver. Would you believe they don't even have that scene in this movie? That's one of the best scenes with the hyenas. There are still three main hyenas led by Shenzi, the female. I didn't catch the name of the other two, but Ed was definitely not one of them and there is no hyena that just laughs hysterically and stupidly at everything. Instead the other hyenas (one of who is voiced by Keegan-Michael Key) have a running gag where one is always taking up the personal space of the other. It was funny, but it was also the same running gag they used in Finding Dory with the sea lions.

I could not tell the adult female lions apart at all. There are only two of them we really need to know: Sarabi, Simba's mother, and Nala. It's only when they start talking is when I know which is which. Oh, that one sounds like Beyonce, so that's Nala. There is a scene where a female lion is trying to sneak past Scar and the hyenas at night to try to get help and she doesn't speak for awhile. I figured this is when Nala goes out and eventually finds Simba and of course it was. Good thing I've already seen the original!

During the final scene, when Scar and Simba are fighting and the hyenas are ready to pounce, Nala shouts, "Lions, attack!" This is the stupidest line in the movie. First of all, of course the lions know they should attack. You don't need to announce it. Also, why does she need to qualify LIONS? There are only lions or hyenas. I don't think you need to specify the lions should attack. Duh. There's a bit of a rivalry between Nala and Shenzi and they get in a showdown during the battle and we see Nala bite Shenzi in the neck and throws her off the cliff and I'm thinking, Ooh, don't mess with Nala! But then I had to scratch my head when we see Shenzi join the other hyenas right before they're about to turn on Scar. Wait, you mean Nala didn't even kill her? That was lame.

The animals in this movie look so amazing and realistic (well, aside from when they're talking or singing), there were funny moments with Pumba and Timon;  Zazu (voiced by John Oliver) had some funny animal puns, and you will want to sing along with the songs, but I think we all know who the REAL King is!

Candidate for Best Worst Movie

The Disaster Artist
Director: James Franco
Cast: James Franco, Dave Franco, Seth Rogen, Alison Brie, Ari Graynor, Jacki Weaver, Josh Hutcherson, Zac Efron
Released: December 8, 2017

Oscar nominations:

Best Adapted Screenplay - Scott Neustadter and Michael H. Weber (lost to James Ivory for Call Me By Your Name)

I have never seen The Room (not to be confused with Room!), but I am well aware of it from the many reviews (mainly the video one from the Nostalgia Critic) I've read about it. When it came out in 2003, I was not aware of it because it was a very small movie, but over the years it has gained a cult following and this is how I became aware of it. I've never seen it because it's more interesting to watch other people's interpretation of it (like the NC review and this movie). I've also never had any interest in watching Troll 2, but the documentary Best Worst Movie is absolutely fascinating. (And while The Room has terrible acting and a lot of things don't make sense, I think Troll 2 may have it beat as worst movie ever).

The Disaster Artist tells the story of the making of The Room. It begins in 1998 where aspiring actor Tommy Wiseau (played by James Franco) meets a fellow actor in his acting class, Greg Sestero (played by Dave Franco) and they become fast friends and move from San Francisco to L.A. to make their acting dreams come true. Tommy says he has an apartment they can both stay in. There are a few shady things about Tommy: he says he's from New Orleans, and while he has an accent, it's not a Southern one. Throughout the movie it's discovered he has a lot of money (hence the reason he's able to afford an apartment in San Francisco and Los Angeles, he drives a Mercedes, and he's able to finance the movie they will eventually produce which will cost about $5 million). He also tells Greg's mother (played by Megan Mulally) that he's nineteen, the same age as Greg and he is definitely way older than Greg!

It is a little weird that real-life brothers are playing friends because even though James Franco is made up to look like Wiseau, he still looks like himself and Dave Franco looks a lot like his brother.

When Tommy and Greg have a hard time succeeding in Los Angeles (did they think it would be easy?), Tommy decides that they should make their own movie. He writes a script which will become The Room (terrible name for a movie; but since I haven't seen the movie, I don't know why it's called that). The movie is about a guy named Johnny (who Tommy will play) who has a girlfriend named Lisa who he's madly in love with, but she sleeps with his best friend, Mark (to be played by Greg). Tommy makes the comment that Mark is named after "Mark Damon" from The Talented Mr. Ripley, ha! Johnny is so overcome with grief, that he kills himself. Oh, and Tommy's not sure if he's going to make Johnny a vampire or not. (What?) I'm assuming he didn't go down the vampire path.

Production begins in June 2002 and while Johnny and Greg cast the other parts for the movie (and let's just say the actors they got to play those actors in this movie are much more well known than the actors in The Room!), they also buy the filming equipment they need. Since they are buying instead of renting, they are allowed to use the studio. Tommy wants to shoot the movie on both digital and film which is unheard of as both are lit differently and there are other variables that don't make sense to shoot both. I didn't know if he wanted to shoot the movie twice; once on film, and once on digital; or if he wanted to shoot some scenes in film and others in digital. But from day one the movie is set up to be an odd one and it will only get stranger from there.

I noticed that Jason Mantzoukas plays one of the guys who sells them their equipment, Paul Scheer plays the first DP on the movie, and June Diane Raphael plays an actress within the movie. If you know all these names, you are probably familiar with the podcast, How Did This Get Made? where they take a terrible movie (like The Room; I'm sure they've done an episode of it, but I haven't listened to it, but now I really should!) and make fun of it. It's a very funny podcast; I highly recommend it. It can't be a coincidence that all three have parts in a movie based on one of the worst movies ever made when they have their own podcasts about terrible movies.

On the first day of filming, Tommy, the director (he wrote, directed, produced, and starred in The Room), insists on them shooting a scene that takes place in an alleyway on a set made up to look like an alleyway when there is an actual alleyway right outside they could use. He insists on shooting on the set because it's "a real Hollywood film". This is the kind of eccentric person Tommy is. Josh Hutcherson and Zac Efron play the two actors playing the characters (it's kind of weird that they're playing the actors who are playing the characters! It's almost like a double layer of acting - they have to be good as the actors, but terrible as the characters those actors are playing) and I did not recognize them at all until I saw that they were in the movie, then had to go back and re-watch this scene. I have no idea what is up with the character of Denny that Hutcherson is playing (within the movie's movie; God, this is so confusing!) As the actor, he is also confused and asks Tommy how old his character is supposed to be (since he acts very young and juvenile) and Tommy replies, "Fifteen, sixteen, your age" and he replies, "I'm twenty-six." Ha! Oh, please, tell me this is a true story and Tommy Wiseau thought a 26-year-old was a 15-year-old! Of course, most of the cast of Beverly Hills, 90210 were almost in their thirties when they played high school students so it's not the craziest thing! Other humorous elements adding to the scene is that Denny has the worst haircut ever so Josh Hutcherson has to wear this hideous wig (I'm assuming it was a wig!) so that's probably why I didn't recognize him. Also, Efron's character's (character's!) name is Chris R. and Hutcherson is asking Tommy why he has to call him Chris R., why not just Chris?

Other problems with the filmmaking include Tommy making everyone wait for hours when he is late one day and it is so hot that an elderly actress playing Lisa's mother (played by Jacki Weaver) faints from heat stroke; Tommy makes everyone uncomfortable during a sex scene when he walks around the set wearing only a sock to cover himself, then starts berating the girl playing his girlfriend (played by Ari Graynor) because she has blemishes on her skin; and Tommy being such a terrible actor that it took him 68 takes to get his lines right the first day of shooting. Seth Rogen plays the script supervisor who has to keep feeding him his lines. In a funny scene we see the entire crew reciting the lines for him. This is the (completely terrible) line: "I did not hit her. It's not true. It's bulls***.  I did not hit her! Oh, hi, Mark." The "Oh, hi, Mark" cracked me up every time. Like I said, I've never seen The Room, so I have no idea what the context of this line is, but WHY does he say, "Oh, hi, Mark" at the end of this rant? Was he ranting and just then saw his friend? Oh, and I should also add that Tommy Wiseau is a terrible actor and has this weird, flat delivery. To be fair, everyone seems to deliver their lines flatly. He also keeps laughing during a scene when Mark is telling him about a girl he knew who got beat up. They try getting takes where he ISN'T laughing (since that's what they want to use), but he just laughs every time. When they film the scene where Johnny kills himself, he shoots himself in the head, falls back, but then keeps on moving and moaning even though that gunshot to the head should have killed him!

When they eventually premiere the movie and are watching the scene when Johnny goes into a flower shop and the woman who works there says (in a flat tone), "Oh, hi, Johnny. I didn't know it was you", Seth Rogen's character says out loud, "Who doesn't recognize that guy?" since Johnny has long black hair and is wearing sunglasses inside.

During a lunch break, after she's had her heat stroke, Jacki Weaver's character tells Greg and the other young actors, "Even the worse day on a movie set is better than the best day anywhere else." I don't know if I agree with this logic, but let me try my own examples using this template:

The worst Taylor Swift song is better than the best Ariana Grande song. (Yeah, not a fan of the Grande.) The worst Jurassic Park movie is better than the best Transformers movie. (At least JPIII is one hour shorter than the first Transformers movie!) That was fun. Try your own!

Soon after Greg moves to L.A., he starts dating another inspiring actress (played by Alison Brie) and they run into Bryan Cranston at a coffee shop. Now since this is 2002, Greg is awestruck because he recognizes him from Malcolm in the Middle. His girlfriend introduces them since she knows Cranston from her pilates class and he tells Mark he's directing an upcoming episode of MitM and they're still looking for someone to fill a guest role and that Greg would be perfect for it. However, when he tells Tommy this news, he tells Greg he can either do "the little TV show" or their movie and guilts Greg into forfeiting the guest spot. I was thinking, if Greg did MitM and did a really good job, Bryan Cranston might have remembered him when Breaking Bad was about to start and maybe, just maybe he would have recommended him to Vince Gilligan for the role of Jesse Pinkman (Greg Sestero and Aaron Paul are about the same age), and the rest, as they say, could have been history. But alas, this never happened; Greg was never offered a guest role on Malcolm in the Middle and never met Bryan Cranston. I read it on the IMDb.com trivia page for this movie.

Throughout the shooting of the movie within this movie, we see what day they are on out of the forty days they have for shooting and I laughed when they were on day 52 of 40! It was released in one theater in June 2003. Tommy paid to keep it there for two weeks to qualify for the Academy Awards. Is he really that delusional? Did he really think this piece of dreck could qualify for the freaking Oscars? It grossed $1800 on its opening weekend (and I'm surprised it even made that) and has since made seven million dollars due to its cult following. This movie doesn't really go into HOW it became to have a following which I felt was a missed opportunity.