Who are we?

Wild Child

Director: Nick Moore

Cast: Emma Roberts, Natasha Richardson, Alex Pettyfer, Juno Temple, Aidan Quinn

Released: August 15, 2008

So this is a movie I had never heard of until recently when I came upon somebody's review of it on YouTube. (Don't even ask me the rabbit hole I went down to find this because I don't even remember!) The release date I posted is the UK release date; this didn't seem to get a theatrical release in the U.S.; I could only find a DVD premiere date of November 17, 2009 (so over a year since the UK theatrical date!) 

Personally, I don't think the "child" (she's a teenager, not a child) is not all that "wild", more just self-centered. But I guess "Wild Child" is a catchier name than "Self-Centered Teen." Plus, they can play that Iggy Pop song at the end (though it's a different version). You know, the one that goes, "Well, I'm just outta school like I'm real, real cool, gotta dance like a fool..." Emma Roberts plays Poppy, our titular character. Let's do a quick ranking of the young Emmas. It has to be Stone, Watson, Roberts, right? Or I guess you could switch Stone and Watson. Not that I don't like Emma Roberts or think she doesn't have her fans, but I feel like Emmas Stone and Watson have a little more clout and made it to the A-list without having a superstar famous aunt. 

Okay, so Poppy is a seventeen-year-old rich AF girl who lives in a Malibu mansion right on the ocean with an infinity pool and a closetful of Chanel and Gucci. I have no idea what her dad (Aidan Quinn) does, but whatever it is, he is making bank. Poppy has a younger sister, Molly, who seems like a normal kid and doesn't get off a snooty rich kid vibe at all. 

Poppy and Molly's mother died six years ago in a car accident and their dad is dating a new woman, Rosemary, who is moving in. We never meet her (not important enough to cast, I guess!), but it sounds like she is much younger than his deceased wife. Poppy is not fond of her and doesn't want her moving in so she invites all her friends over and when the moving truck with all her dad's girlfriend's things arrive, it's a free-for-all for all the friends and she just gives away boxes of clothes and electronics and whatever else there is. I love how all the movers (there are 4 of them) are standing there like this is normal. They have to know they're witnesses to a burglary, right?  Poppy says to her friends, in front of the movers, "You can keep it or throw it away." Like I mentioned, the girlfriend isn't even cast, so where is she supposed to be when all this is going on? Is she back at her original home? Why isn't she with her stuff? And where's the dad? He's not there either (well, not at first). If I were moving in somewhere, I would want to make sure I was with my stuff. 

Not only does Poppy give away the girlfriend's things, but she jumps into the ocean with a bunch of her clothes, ruining them. Their house is on a cliff and Poppy just jumps off the ledge their house resides on (and this won't be the only time Poppy jumps off this ledge!) This just seems kinda....dangerous to me. Maybe it's not as high as it seems, but it certainly looks that way!  Even her friends are all, "OMG, WTF did she just do? Where is she? Did she come up?" Poppy's dad arrives when she's jumped into the ocean and demands that she come back up. How the hell did she even get back to her house. It looks like she is coming up stairs, but it's hard to see where they lead from. Do they have stairs that go all the way down to the water? Why does she even need to swim in the ocean if she has a pool? I'm so confused. 

Her dad tells her that this is the last straw and she's going to boarding school in England. Poppy doesn't take him seriously because apparently he's used this threat many times before and never got sent away. She comments that just because her mom also went to boarding school in England, it's not going to "magically straighten her out." This is not an empty threat and Poppy will really be going to boarding school in England. Okay, why England? Yes, we know that her mom went to boarding school in England, but maybe her mom was British? (We never are confirmed what her nationality was). As Molly comments in another scene, it's so far away. Why not just send Poppy to some boarding school on the East Coast? It just seems like a hassle to send her to a whole other country when there are plenty of boarding schools in the U.S. that she can go to. I'm just saying. 

 

Even though Poppy is a spoiled stuck-up rich teen with spoiled, stuck-up rich friends, they do show a softer side to her and we see she does have a good relationship with her sister. Molly tells Poppy she's going to miss her and asks who will cut the crusts off her sandwiches. Now you're probably thinking sweet little Molly is five or six...no, this girl is at least twelve and she can't cut off her own damn crust? Seriously? Poppy shows her ugly-American side by telling her sister, "At least they speak American there, right?" OMG, I just can't. It astounds me the number of people who think "American" (or "Mexican") is a language. Sure, there's American English, but the language is still English. I guess Poppy's father paid her way in because there's no way she got in with her own merit.

Poppy and her BFF, Ruby (who might suck even more than Poppy...but we are supposed to like Poppy by the end of this (spoiler alert!) so that's not too surprising), are doing research on England and Abbey Mount, the boarding school she will be attending (NOT a real school, but it was filmed at an actual boarding school in Cobham, Kent.) Poppy is dismayed when she finds that it rains 200 day out of the year in England (that is A LOT!) and she learns that Abbey Mount is a boarding school for girls, ages 11-17. I love the indignation in her voice when she says, "Founded in 1797" (I think it's hilarious she's so disgusted with how old the institution is and how the building has so many bricks.)

This movie wastes no time getting her to England because six minutes into the movie, she's there. I did watch the trailer for this and they seemed to have cut some Malibu scenes. I think they just wanted to get to the boarding school storyline. Even though it's a rainy, overcast day, she's wearing high heels and sunglasses. She looks ridiculous, but I do like her white coat with blue flowers, though I suspect it's not a rain coat. 

Mrs. Kingsley, the headmistress (played by the late Natasha Richardson in her last film role), introduces herself to Poppy who tries to talk her way out of going to the school, but before she can say anything, Mrs. Kingsley quickly shuts her down, telling her, "To me negotiation is like a nightclub, not something I tend to enter into."

Poppy is introduced to two people who she doesn't make very good impressions on. The first is Kate, who is her "big sister" and is to show her around school. She's also one of her roommates. Poppy tells her she already has a sister and Kate tries to explain she's more like a friend and Poppy tells her she chooses her own friends and that Kate "doesn't make the cut" (even though Kate is one of the more popular girls at the school without being a mean girl). Poppy is also intruded to Harriet, the snooty, rich Head Girl who you would think would have a few things in common with Poppy, but Harriet is aristocratic snobby, not material snobby. Harriet takes an instant disliking to Poppy and the feeling is mutual. 

Poppy is sharing a room with Kate and three other girls: Josie, Kiki and Jennifer (played by Juno Temple), who goes by the not-so-flattering nickname, Drippy, for some reason I either didn't catch or they didn't explain. Poppy doesn't realize she's sharing a room with four other girls and when she enters and sees them unpacking, she tells them she's been assigned this room and that they need to leave. The other girls just laugh and continue to unpack. Poppy tries to use her phone, but she can't get a signal. The girls tell her there's only two spots where she can get reception, but don't reveal where. They also tell her it's a moot point because they are only allowed to use their cell phones on the weekend and they are confiscated the rest of the week. Poppy has an iPhone (and this is 2008, so she has one of the first models) and scoffs at the other girls for using flip phones.

Poppy is also a bit ahead of her time because we see her use sanitizer on everything she has to touch (especially if it's in a public place). When she moves into her dorm, she squirts it all over the table next to her bed. When they go into town and she has to ride the bus, she takes out the sanitizer and douses her hands in it. You know this girl was ready when the pandemic hit! 

Her suitcase is delivered after she arrives and is left outside on the lawn in the pouring rain and everything gets ruined. Hmm, I guess you could say that this is the universe paying her back for what she did to Rosemary's clothes. We also see she bought several bottles of water (in case she gets thirsty). One of the girls wryly comments that they "have an amazing thing in the UK called a tap." Yeah, that's a bit extra. 

The school has a matron/housekeeper (played by Shirley Henderson) who checks to make sure the girls are wearing their uniforms and following rules. She comes by to collect their phones and Poppy is rude to her and wants her to hand wash her clothes. She tries to speak Spanish and Italian to her and she tells Poppy she is "Scottish, not remedial." Poppy curses and ends up giving the whole dorm two Sundays detentions. Poppy tries to "handle" it by bribing Matron with $100, but ends up giving all the girls a third detention. 

At dinner, they are served an unappetizing meal of some mystery meat, potatoes, broccoli, and carrots. First of all, that's WAY too many vegetables. Also, you'd think a school like this would have better quality and more appetizing food. Poppy tells the other girls she can't eat it. The girls assume she is either bulimic or anorexia, but she tells them, "I'm a pescatarian Monday through Wednesday; fruitarian Thursday through Sunday; and vegetarian, always." If I were one one of the other girls, I would have said, "Well, it's a good thing you have THREE vegetables on your plate you can eat!" 

We are introduced to Freddie, Mrs. Kinglsey's son who, for some unknown reason, seems to live at the dorms with his mother every once and awhile. I know it sounds super weird, but it's not as weird as it sounds, though maybe it does. I honestly don't know why he hangs out at this school so much other than he likes the attention all the girls are giving him. Freddie is really only used as a plot device. Harriet has a massive crush on him and we'll see later that she has photos of him plastered all over her bedroom mirror which isn't creepy at all. Freddie is played by Alex Pettyfer and he's almost too blonde; too tall, too good-looking. And, of course, he is the perfect gentleman. He is one of those movie-perfect boyfriends that doesn't exist in real life. 

When Poppy runs into Harriet in a crowded corridor, Harriet, who already has disdain for Poppy, snidely tells her (and imagine this being said in a snooty British accent), "Learn the rules. When it comes to right-of-way, there is a hierarchy: Teachers, prefects, scholars, dogs, vermin, Americans." The disdain in her voice when she says "Americans" is palpable. I thought it was hilarious when she said that, even though I am American. I hope these girls don't think all Americans are like Poppy! Also, wouldn't a scholar be higher than a prefect? *shrug* I did think it was funny that even though Poppy is wearing heels, Harriet (in regular school shoe) still towers over her. 

Because there is only internet connection in the computer lab, Poppy has to sneak out of her room at night to go there to write Ruby. Yes, obviously, she could use the computer lab during the day (which we do see), but with this scene they are setting us up for another scene that will come later in the movie. Poppy writes Ruby, "Two weeks in this place and I'm going out of my mind. These girls are all ugly losers." Gee, what a bitch! She sees Drippy and follows her and watches her go into the walk-in freezer where she eats ice cream. A fire alarm goes off (for a fire drill) and this is how Poppy meets Freddie when she unknowingly sneaks into his room. He's taking a bath, hidden behind a curtain and asks her name. The next day, Poppy realizes it was him when he drives up in his fancy sports car during the girls' lacrosse practice. Harriet is also on the team and is upset that Freddie knows Poppy's name and laments, "Freddie's got a crush on me". (Does he?)

Poppy has been called to Mrs. Kingsley's office who asks her what she wants to get out of this school and Poppy replies, "To get out of this school." Mrs. Kingsley tells her this school hasn't produced anybody of note, but what they do produce are "smart, independent, free-thinking, good-hearted girls, who remain friends for life." I don't want to spoil anything, but you might get a sense of the direction Poppy will be going by the end of the film. Mrs. Kingsley has faith that Poppy is that kind of girl. The door to Mrs. Kingsley's office is painted to look like a bookcase, so it looks like she has a hidden book case in her office (even though the door knob kind of defeats that purpose!) 

Poppy finds out that her roommates still have their phones that they keep hidden and had just given the matron decoys. She and Kate have a heart-to-heart when Kate lends her phone for Poppy to use. Poppy asks her why she's doing this since she's been a total a**hole and Kate corrects her by saying, "No, you behave like an a**hole. There's a difference." She figures Poppy's been acting the way she's been acting because she's scared and a little homesick (hence why she offers to let Poppy use her phone). I think Kate and the other girls still want Poppy gone because Kate tells her if she's serious about getting out of this school, she will have to be expelled and she and the others plan on helping Poppy achieve this goal. If she is up for expulsion, she'll have to face the Honor Court which is like a trial in front of the other students, teachers, and Mrs. Kinglsey.

By the way, I think there's only two teachers at this whole school (not counting Mrs. Kingsley, but she's not a teacher). At least, we only see two teachers: the French teacher, Mr. Nellist, and the gym teachers, Miss Rees-Withers. (Is that a shoutout to Reese Witherspoon?) They have a bit of a budding romance throughout the film. It doesn't really add anything to the plot, it's just there as something comical. 

A montage of Poppy and her roommates setting up and playing pranks is shown and let's do a ranking of the pranks she pulls from least offensive to probably could have had serious consequences for that:

4. Jams tape into the matron's car. Kate and Poppy put a heavy metal tape in the matrons' car and Poppy breaks the knobs on the radio so she can't turn it off or turn it down. In a later scene, we will see the girls on a bus going to town with the matron driving by in her car, loud heavy metal music blaring (she's driving a convertible). Yes, that would be very annoying if you had loud music you couldn't turn off, but she just needs to go to a mechanic to get it fixed.

3. Turns pool into a sundae. So the girls put red food dye in the pool which has to be a pain to drain and clean, but other than that not too bad. There are huge plastic ice cream scoops and cherries and bananas they also throw in the pool, but none of the food items are real. If they were real, this would have been ranked higher. 

2. Embarrasses the French teacher. Poppy has changed the audio lesson plan so the girls are hearing about "a ginger haired teacher making out with the sports teacher" en francais and they can check out the photos on the Mount Abbey website. (Not sure if there were actual photos or not). Of course, this is super embarrassing, but nothing too scandalous or explicit. 

1. "Naughty Schoolgirl Harriet." Yeah, this is just inviting a bunch of dirty old men and pedophiles to call the school. Poppy and the others go to a phone booth in town and plaster posters of Harriet's head on a model (presumably, a porn star) wearing only underwear and a blouse with a school tie. They've printed "Naughty Schoolgirl Harriet" on it along with the school's phone number and the sign also says "satisfaction guaranteed" and "eager to please." In the word that Poppy keeps using throughout the film, "Ewww." We see Harriet receiving one of these calls (though she must have received more!) and she looks very confused as she's describing what she's wearings. She says her underwear is "polyester; sturdy and practical", which I'm sure her caller loved to hear! And when (offscreen) she's asked if she's been naughty, she haughtily replies, "No, I have certainly not been naughty. My disciplinary record is exemplary." Yes, it was a funny scene and Harriet has no idea what's going on, but if you think about it, it's really creepy and disturbing and these girls are inviting predators and criminals to call the school.

The girls have told Poppy that she needs to get the blame for all of these stunts so she can get expelled and while she makes it clear she is the culprit of each of these pranks, no matter what she does, she doesn't get in any serious trouble. Her roommates tell her Mrs. Kingsley is "cutting her a lot of slack." They think that at the dance that's coming up that weekend, she should kiss Freddie. Not only will it anger Mrs. Kingsley because he's her son and fraternizing is forbidden, but it will also make Harriet jealous and furious. She has to make sure she does it on school grounds so she can get caught. Poppy is excited about the dance and thinks they should all dress up "fancy", so the next day they go into town to do some shopping. There must be some field trip into town because Poppy and her roommates aren't the only ones riding a bus into town. They are all wearing their normal, everyday clothes and Poppy is wearing shorts and a sleeveless top, which the matron deems she looks like she could be in a window in Amsterdam (is she calling her a hooker?), so Harriet "offers" her an oversized yellow sweater with a stitching of a Yorkie on it with daisies embroidered at the bottom of it. 

 

They go to one of the second-hand shops where the money they use to buy their clothes goes to help with cancer research. Poppy isn't thrilled about this since she's used to shopping for and buying designer clothes and wanted to go shopping on Oxford street, even though they're nowhere near London. She thinks it will be a challenge to find five dance-worthy outfits, but likes the challenge and we see a fun shopping montage of all the girls playing dress up and all of them, even Poppy, are having a fun time. Poppy tells them, "If we could just call this stuff vintage and add three zeroes to the price tag, I could totally get into it." Really? This bitch would rather pay $10,000 for something that is $10?  Hey, Poppy, here's an idea, since you're so freakin' rich, why don't you donate the remaining $9,990 and then it will feel like you're shopping at some designer boutique and you can give your money to a good cause. But, let's be honest, she doesn't have that kind of money on her. 

Poppy takes out her phone and snaps a picture of all five of them wearing their new garbs. She exclaims, "Malibu moment!" and tells the girls, "Remember what I taught you" and they all say, "Who are we?" before she snap the photo. When I watched the trailer, they show a scene of Poppy and her Malibu friends saying, "Who are we?" before taking a photo so that explains where that came from. There must be another deleted scene where Poppy tells her Mount Abbey roommates about this. 

The girls next go to a hair salon where Poppy gives the stylist (played by Nick Frost) all these demands she wants done to her hair, but he refuses and suggests other ideas, but she's having none of it. Finally, they compromise and she agrees when he suggests making her natural. Her hair goes back to it natural dark brown color and her extensions are taken out. One of the girls comments, "You look so English" and Poppy says she looks like her mom. Her saying that after the "You look so English" comment makes me wonder if her mother was English. This is something we will never find out. I must say, I do think her new hair style/color looks better on her. This is part of her transformation where she's shedding her spoiled Malibu persona. 

The dance has the theme of "movie magic" even though Poppy's roommates have told her nobody ever dresses up for the dances' themes except for teachers, uncool kids, and Harriet. And sure enough we see Mrs. Kingsley dressed up as Velma from Scooby-Doo (I know it was made into a movie, but I think of Scooby-Doo more as an animated TV show), Mr. Nellist is dressed as James Bond, and Miss Rees-Withers is Sporty Spice from Spice World, I guess?? Harriet goes all out and dresses as Elizabeth Bennett from Pride and Prejudice because a friend told her she overheard Freddie say that she looks "exactly like Keira Knightley" (she doesn't). She even goes so far as to have her minions tell Mr. Nellist, who's DJing the party, to stop the pop music that's playing and change the music to something classical-sounding (I assume it's from the soundtrack to P&P) so Harriet can make her entrance in her elaborate costume. (Of course she couldn't dress in a soccer uniform and go as Keira Knightly from Bend it Like Beckham!) She walks up to Freddie and speaks a line from the movie to him, all prim and proper. It's very cringe-y. It's like, girl, just stop, you're embarrassing yourself. You can tell Freddie is not into it all and he just says "hi" to her. 

Harriet's perfect evening is ruined by Poppy when she shows up in her flirty party dress and new hair style and just grabs Freddie and starts dancing with him. Poppy does try to kiss Freddie, but they are interrupted by Harriet's minions who have sent them to keep an eye on Poppy. They decide not to tell Harriet what they saw because "she won't just shoot the messenger, she'll skin us alive first." 

Freddie tells Poppy he'll be coming back another day and asks if she wants to hang out then and she agrees. When the day comes, right before she's to meet Freddie, she's in the computer lab writing an e-mail to Ruby. Remember this. I should point out that we've seen Poppy's boyfriend back home (which I didn't even know she had, but I assume he was bigger part of al the deleted scenes) cheating on her with Ruby, so it's kind of funny Poppy is about to go on a date with another guy, even though her intentions are just to use him to get expelled. When he comes to pick her up, he wants to take her into town, but she wants to "take a romantic walk around the school grounds" so she can get caught with him. He refuses because he knows they'll both get in trouble and we see a cute montage of them on their date where they visit an old English town, sit and chat by the seaside cliffs, and go to a pub where he orders fries and bread. Is this an actual thing? It sounds terrible. She tells him, "Kinda gross, but I like it." She also tells him this is the best date she's ever been on and they kiss and you can tell she's forgotten what her intentions with him were in the first place and doesn't even care about that anymore. 

Poppy comes back to her room all, "I'm in love and I don't care who knows it!"- like, ready to share with her friends what happened with Freddie, but the four other girls are just glowering at her. It turns out, when she was in the computer lab, she forgot to log out of her e-mail (like, how do you forget to do that?) and Head Girl Harriet (it isn't revealed until later that it was Harriet, but c'mon, we all know it's her) intercepted Poppy's e-mail account and edited a few things on one of Poppy's e-mails to Ruby, then printed a few of them out and taped one on the door of their room while Poppy was on her date. It's pretty brutal when Kate begins reading the doctored e-mail: "Dear Ruby, you cannot image how retarded these idiots are. I despise village idiots, but I have to pretend to like them to get out of this hell hole." Yikes! This is (presumably and hopefully!) what Harriet wrote, but she did keep in the line about Poppy calling them "ugly losers" which isn't great and a great reminder that Poppy kinda sucks even if we're supposed to like her by now. Poppy admits she did write the loser part, "but that was weeks ago", but claims she didn't write any other part of it. One of the girls tells her the e-mail is dated today and it's from her e-mail address.  We also find out that Freddie also received this e-mail where "Poppy" writes about hooking up with the headmistress's son so she'll get expelled and calls him a "dweeb". When she tries to explain, he just slams the door in her face. 

So Poppy is all sad and friendless and the ironic part is even though she was trying to get expelled, she had started to like the place, making new, genuine friends and falling for Freddie. She's also discovered that her mother went to this school in the the late '70s. 

The scene where she sneaks out of her room and spies Drippy going into the walk-in freezer moments before there's a fire drill comes back into play in the next scene. Poppy is in the cook's sitting room (never heard of such a thing!), moping and feeling sorry for herself, also playing with a lighter, watching the flame go on and off. We know this is Poppy's lighter because it says "I [heart] L.A." on it; however, I'm not sure why she has one since we've never seen her smoke. You think they would have made this Chekov's lighter if it was going to play a significant part in a later scene. Oh, well, at least they set up some of the other elements. Drippy has sneaked into the freezer, but neither girl notices the other. Poppy is sitting near curtains and at one point the lighter DOES catch onto the fabric, and Poppy, freaked out, manages to put out the fire. When she hears footsteps, she drops the lighter (very convenient that she leaves the lighter on the floor) and gets out of there and goes back to her room. Moments later, a raging fire will appear where she just was and Poppy freaks out and wakes up Kate and tells her she "didn't mean to do it" and thought she had "put it out" and has her help wake everybody else so they can evacuate. On the school grounds, Mrs. Kingsley is taking roll call and Drippy isn't there. By this time, the firefighters have arrived. Poppy realizes that Drippy is in the freezer and she runs to save her, like she's an extra in Backdraft or something. Freddie is the one who finds her lighter and immediately knows it belongs to Poppy since it has "I [heart] L.A." imprinted on it. I love how he is allowed to just walk around the area where the fire started. 

There is an assembly where Mrs. Kingsley tells the person who's responsible for the fire to own up to it and that they have until the end of the day to confess and if they do, no legal charges will be filed; but if they don't, it will be passed on to the local authorities. The guilt lays so heavily on Poppy that she confesses to Mrs. Kingsley later that day and asks her to give a letter she wrote to Freddie. In it, she tells him she did plan to use him to get expelled, but once she got to know him, her feelings for him became genuine and she's never felt like that with anyone before. Mrs. Kinglsey tells her the Honor Court will decide if she's expelled, but "it's just a formality at this point." 

When the Honor Court is starting, Poppy's roommates are in their room, discussing things. They're starting to have second thoughts about Poppy's guilt (about the nasty e-mail, anyway).  The e-mails were sent at 11:40 in the morning. According to Drippy, Poppy left the computer room a few minutes after 11. Kiki was able to find out who else was using the computer lab during the time and -shocker- it was Harriet. Didn't see that one coming! Drippy points out that Poppy would never use the word "term"; she would use "samosa" - the other girls correct her that its pronounced "semester" (I guess that's not a work they use in the UK!) Drippy also admits that she  had snooped through Poppy's diary and reads an entry she found: "I think, deep breath, I kind of love them like proper friend I've known forever.....I'd probably hate them if I wasn't one of them. But I like that I'm now one of them." Aww. By this time, the girls know that Poppy never sent those e-mails and they go to the Honor Court to support her.

For some reason, without anyone asking her to, Harriet seems to be the prosecutor in Poppy's case. She keeps hounding how Poppy did this and she should be expelled. Even Mrs. Kingsley is telling her to chill out. In her statement, Poppy talks about how she won't defend her actions for what she did. She says how much she wanted to get out of this school, but now she wants to stay. She tells them, "I've learned so much being here" and talks about how she found out her mom was a student here back in 1976. She says she knows she looked like a California girl when she first started, but in her heart she knows she's an Abbey Mount girl. 

Mrs. Kingsley starts to ask her questions. Did she intend to start the fire? (No.) Was there anyone else with her? Poppy starts to say no, but then Kate, followed by her other roommates stand up and say they were with her. Soon, every girl is standing up and declaring they were with her until everybody is standing except for Harriet and her two minions. Harriet is outraged. She tells Mrs. Kingsley, "This is a conspiracy. You can't expel the whole year, and they know that." She adds that Poppy had her lighter with her and tried to burn the place down. One of her minions asks her how she knows she had the lighter because that information hadn't gotten out yet. Mrs. Kingsley also asks her how she knew about the lighter. Harriet looks scared and claims that it was mentioned. It's too bad for her she didn't know that Freddie knew about it because then she could just say he told her. 

Poppy tells her Freddie found the lighter before anyone saw it and how would she know about it unless she was there? She gets the sudden realization that Harriet started the fire. She was the one who Poppy heard when she heard footsteps. Harriet screams at Poppy, "You've turned this school upside down. You ruined everything. You started it! I only finished what YOU started." Yep, I think we just got ourselves a confession. Poppy will be able to stay and everyone is happy. Everyone hates Harriet (including her two minions) and she is sent packing. 

So during all of this, there is a B plot of Poppy being on the lacrosse team (whenever I think of lacrosse, I always think of it being played on horses, but maybe I'm thinking of polo). Poppy is a very good player and this is the first time since 1976 the lacrosse team has gone through to the championships. Her mom not only played on the lacrosse team, but was also the captain in 1976. 

Them last scene is of the girls playing in the lacrosse finals, Poppy's dad come to pick her up and he can't believe how much she looks like her mother. Poppy is happy to see him and asks him why he didn't tell her that her mom went to this school and he tells her he thought it would make her too sad, which seems like kind of a bs answer to me. I bet she would have liked that school a lot more to begin with if she knew her mom went there. I still want to know if her mom was English. 

Okay, so I did some digging and did find the beginning of the film with the deleted scenes I saw from the trailer. This is everything that happens before she goes to England. They did actually cast Rosemary, so I was wrong about that. It's possible they cut it for time, but it's probably about five or six extra minutes of footage. I think they cut it because what we see makes Poppy look like a monster and perhaps thought she couldn't be redeemable. For instance, they show her berating her housekeeper for ironing some shirt she paid $400 or some obscene amount that's suppose to look all creased. Then we see her and a group of friends (including Ruby, who seems to be the Queen Bee of their group) going to some spa day and shopping at Fred Segal and they'e just being awful to the people who work there and acting like spoiled brats. I really do believe they cut this because they wanted Poppy to have a chance at redemption and while she is still pretty awful from what we do see of her, the deleted scenes take it to a whole other level. Like I said, we do see Rosemary, Poppy's soon to be stepmother and other than being a golddigger, she does seem nice. They don't portray her as this awful woman who has plans to send Poppy and Molly to boarding school once she moves in (that's Poppy's father's job!) 

Oh, and while the credits are playing (over a version of Wild Child which is not as good as the original!) we do see Poppy has invited Freddie, Kate, Drippy, Josie, and Kiki to her Malibu house and we see that Poppy has erased that bitch, Ruby, from her life for good. The five girls jump off the ledge into the ocean and you could not pay me enough to do that because with my luck, I would probably land in the water where I either get paralyzed or die. 

10th movie montage

 I know it's been awhile since I last made one of these, but I have made my TENTH movie montage! You can check out the other nine if you click on the "montage" tag. 

Fox is a Wolf

Teen Wolf

Director: Rod Daniel

Cast: Michael J. Fox and you've never heard of anyone else

Released: August 23, 1985

Teen Wolf is a movie I've never seen, but I've always been aware of it. In fact, the only scene I've ever seen is when he's transformed into the werewolf and is playing basketball. 

So an interesting fact about this movie: it came out in 1985, the same year another Michael J. Fox came out. You might have heard of it? Back to the Future was kind of a big deal! MJF filmed Teen Wolf before BTTF, however the Teen Wolf people knew BTTF was going to be a big hit (because of Spielberg being an executive producer), so they had Teen Wolf come out AFTER BTTF. Very smart move, though it was pretty obnoxious how they depend on the success of BTTF for their own success (though much, much smaller). 

It is very clear that this movie was made with little money and absolutely no thought to the script. Also, MJF was the only actor I was familiar with (though if you've ever seen Desperate Housewives, one of the basketball team players went on to play one of the husbands). 

High schooler Scott Howard (played by then 23-year-old Michael J. Fox, but hey at least he could pull off looking like a teen unlike some of his castmates!) is your average guy. He's not super popular, but he's also not a total loser. He's just there. He's on his school's basketball team, The Beavers, which is pretty hilarious since MJF is known for being short. I know this isn't the NBA, so I guess a short kid can be on the basketball team. There's also a fat kid who's sort of friends with Scott (they'e friendly, but he isn't one of Scott's main friends) who goes by the nicknames "Chub" or "Chubby." I'm sure he just loves that! I have no idea what his real name is. The basketball team sucks. Remember that, because that's a big plot point. They're playing a team called the Dragons and Scott growls at a rival player named Mick, who looks like he's pushing 30. Remember him, because he will also come back. We are also starting to see Scott's werewolf "symptoms". 

One of Scott's friends is named Boof (TERRIBLE name. I just can't. They don't even explain how it's a nickname -which it MUST be because what kind of monster parents would give their daughter the terrible and ugly name of "Boof"?)  and at first I just assumed she was his girlfriend because she's a pretty girl with dark hair who we see sitting in the stands during the first basketball game, cheering Scott on. After the game, we see them walking home together and Scott asks Boof why Pamela Wells, this beautiful and popular blonde girl at their school, won't say more than two words to him. She gets all haughty and tells him he can do better. Guess I was wrong they were boyfriend and girlfriend! We learn that they've been neighbors and friends since childhood and Boof has a huge crush on Scott that everyone clearly knows about...except for Scott. Isn't it always that way?

We get another scene of Scott experiencing canine tendencies. He's helping his dad at his hardware store and we see this young boy pick up a whistle and blow it. Everyone just goes about their business and doesn't react to anything, but Scott hears this high-pitched sound that is excruciating to his ears and he immedietly covers them with his hands. He sees the boy is about to blow the whistle again, but he goes over to him and stops him and take the whistle from the kid who just looks at him and claims that it's broken. This movie must think their audience is a bunch of morons because they have Scott look at the whistle in his hand and say outloud, to nobody (well, to the audience, I guess), "Dog whistle." Well, duh, no sh*t. I hate it when movies have to spell out something so frickin' obvious. OF COURSE it's a dog whistle. Because he's a werewolf...or about to become one. Get it? Do you get it? Oh yeah, I forgot to mention another sign that Scott is beginning his transformation: when he's changing after basketball practice, he notices a super long (and thick) hair on his otherwise bare chest and it's super gross. 

Then we get another scene where Scott is dropping off supplies at school for the school play, which Pamela is in (and seems to be the only person involved in it! Must be a one-woman show type of thing) and he asks her if she's going to the party that's being held at some random person's house that night. While he's doing this, he notices that his hands are covered in thick dark hair and shoves them into the back pockets of his jeans. Pamela tells him she already has a ride to the party and we see Mick (remember, the guy who was on the other basketball team) come in to pick her up and they kiss and it's obviously they're dating, even though Scott will deny this. Um, dude, it's so obvious they're involved. After Pamela and Mick leave, Scott takes his hands out of his pockets and they're back to normal. By now, if I were him, I would be very concerned. While he is concerned, it's not to the extend that he should talk to his dad or a doctor about this. 

So Scott has this friend name Stiles who I hated so much. It feels like he was a prototype for Stifler, but almost worse. Stiles confused me. Was he supposed to be popular? We see that the only way he can get into this hoppin' party is if he brings a keg of beer and he seems extremely desperate to be at the party, but when he is at the party, he seems to be the life of the party and everyone is having a good time with him (of course, it could be because they're all drunk). It doesn't make sense that Scott and Stiles are friends because Scott seems like a nice, normal guy while Stiles is a douchebag. Even Boof, who seems to be the good girl next door seems to be friends with asshat Stiles. I was always confused if we were supposed to like Stiles or not. I feel like we were supposed to like him and think he was a fun and wacky guy, but no, I didn't care for him. 

Stiles (or could be Styles for all I know) gets his nickname (pretty sure it's a nickname...like I'm pretty sure Boof has to be a nickname, but again, who would want to be called BOOF?) because he has "style". Or some semblance to it, I guess. He wears these brightly colored, super tight (like ridiculously tight) pants and his shirts, if they don't have a loud and garish print on them, they have some obnoxious message on them. For instance, when we first meet him he's wearing a shirt that says "Life sucks, then you die" (and that's not even the worst shirt he wears to school!), then he wears a shirt that says "Obnoxious" which is a great word to describe him. 

Stiles doesn't have any luck buying beer (not sure why since the actor who played him was 27!), so he wants Scott to carry a plastic gun in his pocket and keep it concealed while he points at it the clerk while he tells him to give him a keg. He tells Scott to pay him so he can't say he was robbed. Uh, pretty sure you're still committing a felony even if you do pay for it! Dumbass! Scott tells him he'll do it, but tosses the toy gun back in the car, so clearly he thinks Stiles is a moron too. While asking the clerk for a keg, his eyes turn red and he seems to hypnotize the man into giving him a keg. Is that a thing with werewolves? I thought that was mostly a vampire thing. My knowledge of werewolves comes from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, The Vampire Diaries, and while I don't want to admit it, Twilight. So, basically, if there's a vampire around, there's a werewolf. However, we never meet any vampires in their town. Not that I know of, anyway! 

Scott and Stiles drive to the party in Scott's father's van and we get this very stupid (and dangerous!) scene of Stiles getting on top of the van in a Hawaiian shirt and these stupid yellow sunglasses that have the slat lenses pretending to surf as "Surfing' USA" by the Beach Boys is blasting from the radio. I guess they need this scene to get Stiles out of the car while Scott is driving and notices his ears are pointed (but return to normal when Stiles gets back in the passenger seat). Scott is probably driving a good 40 mph and this scene had to be a huge liability in this movie. I wonder how many stupid teens from the '80s actually tried this? When they get to the party, Scott tells Stiles nobody will ever catch him up there. Just remember that. 

So they go into the party (where there's already a ton of kegs, so they didn't need to go to all that trouble to get one) and a lot of kids are wearing sunglasses. (Stiles is still wearing his). This is SO DUMB. Why would you a) wear sunglasses INSIDE and b) wear sunglasses when it's NIGHT? God, '80s teens were pretty stupid. No offense if you were a teen in the '80s, but you have to admit that's pretty stupid. To be fair, teens at any point in history are stupid. No offense if you're a teen, but once you're older, you'll understand and agree with me. 

Scott sees Pamela and tries to talk to her, but she quickly shoots him down. Boof sees this and gleefully tells him that Pamela spoke more than two words to him this time. 

So there's this sort of sexual game that's super awkward but everyone seems to love to play it (I guess because they're all drunk and horny?) The idea is that each girl picks out a piece of paper with a name of a boy on it and Stiles, who is the host of this game, gives them something to do. For instance, Chubby has to eat a bowl of jello that Stiles dumps down a girl's shirt. If I were that girl, I would be PISSED, but she is whoo hooing and having a grand old time. Guess she was pretty drunk! 

We see Boof has someone named Malcolm. We see Pamela, who is standing right next to her, has Scott. (Oh, if only Scott knew!) Her reaction is rolling her eyes. I thought she was going to trade with Boof (since they're standing right next to each other), but when it's Boof's turn, she lies and says she has Scott. Which, I say, good for her. Go for it. It's not like Stiles or anyone is checking the piece of paper with the name on it! I really thought that Scott was eventually going to find out it was Pamela who actually had his name and he was going to get mad at Boof, but that never happens. Their "task" is that they have to spend two minutes in a closet and "anything goes" which is a little icky. I'm also sure "Two Minutes in a Closet" isn't a thing. Since two minutes isn't really that long, Boof just goes for it and starts making out with Scott. We will later find out that getting turned on makes his lupine side emerge. His claws come out (literally) and she slaps him for being too aggressive. When Stiles opens the door without any warning, the two of them are just standing next to each other and nothing looks out of the ordinary, neither of them are even disheveled. However, when Boof exits the room, we see the back of her shirt is all torn up and her back is a little red (thought not shredded and bloody which you think it would be...guess they didn't want it to be too gruesome or too obvious for the partygoers who don't even seem to notice her shirt is all tore up). I thought this was a good reveal.

Scott knows something wrong is going on with him..even though he's experienced other changes (the ears, the hairy hands) before this and that didn't seem to alarm him, but now he is? Maybe it's because he "hurt" somebody this time. He runs home and upstairs to the bathroom. His dad seems concerned and asks him what's going on behind the closed door. He asks if he can come in (why would you ask that?) and Scott replies with, "I'm doing something in here." Dude, don't respond with THAT. What Scott is "doing" isn't what you think. You see, he can't open the door because he's transferred into a werewolf! Like, full transformation. To me, he almost looks more apelike than werewolf. I wonder if Tim Burton got his inspiration for his Planet of the Apes rendition (which I never saw) because that's what it reminded me of. The best compliment I'll give for the transformation scene is that it wasn't terrible....for 1985. We see him grow fangs, his fingernails grow long and sharp, his eyes protrude from his face, and he is covered in hair. (Fur?) 

His dad orders him to open the door "right this minute" (and uses his full name, so you know he means business!) Scott says "Okay, Dad" and while he is slowly going towards the door to open it, I really thought he was going to change back to his normal self the second before his dad saw him. But instead, he remains a werewolf, but what is even more shocking is that his dad is a werewolf too. He is covered in white fur and looks like the most non-threatening werewolf ever. Now, I actually didn't see the trailer until AFTER I saw the movie because if I had seen it before, I would have been spoiled by this reveal because it is in the trailer! I mean, I guess it really isn't that big of a deal because if he's a werewolf, then it would make sense it's genetic. His dad tells him he never told him about it because sometimes it skips a generation and was hoping it would pass Scott by. I did laugh when MJF says, "Well, Dad, it didn't pass me by. It landed on my face." Oh, and I should mention the trailer blatantly is riding the coattails of BTTF because at the end, the trailer guy says, "Starring Michael J. Fox....star of Back to the Future!" Yep, uh huh, they actually went there. 

But wait a minute! Remember that scene back in the hardware store where the kid is blowing the dog whistle? Why didn't the dad react? I guess you could say he knows how to handle it or they didn't want to reveal the "big surprise" (even though they already did in the trailer), but they could have had him quickly glance up when the whistle is blown, so when people went back to watch the movie, they would have noticed that bit. But, let's be honest, who's going back to watch this movie? 

Scott is too upset to talk at the moment, but the next morning, when he's back to normal, his dad tells him he's going to be able to do a lot of things that other guys can't and Scott snarks back with, "Like chase cars and bite the mailman?" His dad gives him the Spiderman speech: "When you want it, you're gonna have great power. And with great power goes a greater responsibility." Uh, what? I have no idea what "power" he has in this movie. I guess he does have a little more agility than when he's normal Scott, but other than that it's not like he's on Wolverine levels of power. We also find out that his mother, who is now deceased, was also a werewolf. His dad tells him werewolves are people, just like everyone else "with certain obvious exceptions." 

During school that day, Scott has a hard time concentrating and everything seems to remind him of wolves. I always thought werewolves always emerge when there's a full moon, but it seems he can pop into werewolf form at any notice and he needs to know how to control that. 

Stiles is wearing another one of his colorful shirts that would never fly in a high school today, when I went to high school, and I'm pretty sure not back in the '80s! It says, "What are you looking at, Dick Nose?" Nice. Stiles shows us even further what a nice guy he is after school when Scott tells him he needs to tell him something and Stiles replies with, "Are you going to tell me you're [gay]? If your'e going to tell me you're [gay], I don't think I can handle it." Except Stiles doesn't use the word "gay"; he says a very homophobic and terrible word.  F*ck you, Stiles. Seriously, we're not suppose to like this guy, right? Cuz I hated him before this scene, but now I really detest him. Even worse, Scott, who is supposed to be a much better person than Stiles, replies back with, "No, I'm not gay" (again, he doesn't use that word). Also, apparently Stiles thinks Scott being gay is way worse than him being a murderer. Not that Scott is a murderer as a werewolf, but you know, werewolves kinda have that reputation of killing people. Yeah, this movie aged really great! 

In the middle of a basketball game, Scott transforms into a werewolf and this is the only scene I had seen before watching the movie. Whenever I think of this movie (which is pretty much never), I always think of a werewolf playing basketball. As normal Scott, he's in the middle of a big pileup with the ball and you hear a growling noise. After the other players have cleared away, he has become a werewolf and everyone is staring at him. Some people are frightened, but most are just curious. Werewolf Scott just bounces the ball like nothing is wrong and runs and makes a basket (since the other team is doing nothing to stop him), then makes another one and the crowd is cheering. The Beavers are thrilled because now they're winning and have good player on their team.

Nobody seems to have a problem that a werewolf lives in their town or question it all. I mean, good for them, I guess? This town may be homophobic as hell, but at least they're accepting of werewolves, so one step at a time I guess.

We next get a montage of Werewolf Scott enjoying his newfound popularity. He gets free pizza after the game, he is seen walking down the school corridor the next day in his letter jacket and sunglasses listening to his headphones as he slaps high fives to passing student and breaks dance with one of the only black students at the school. Oh yeah, that was a bit cringe-y. He looks absolutely ridiculous. Stiles starts selling wolf merch. T-shirts, bumper stickers, hats, buttons that say "I [heart] Teen Wolf" and "Wolf Fever". My question is why? Who would buy that crap? I bet to this day he still has boxes of all that stuff in his parents' basement. 

Everyone seems to be enamored with Scott the wolf, including Pamela. ESPECIALLY Pamela. She tells him that Kirk, the director of the school play also wants Scott in it a well. The play seems to be some kind of Gone with the Wind ripoff. I had to laugh when Scott is rehearsing (and acting terrible) and Kirk is trying to get his attention by saying, "Wolf...Wolf....Wolf person, whatever your name is." 

Like I said, Pamela is very into Scott the wolf, so much so that she has sex with him (off screen) and she makes sure he's the wolf while they're doing it (hmmm, is she into beastiality?) After their little tryst in the dressing room, they go bowling (Scott is still the wolf) and wouldn't you know it, Mick is there and Pamela makes sure he sees that she is all over Scott and making out with him. When Scott walks her home and asks her to the spring dance, she tells him she's going with Mick because he is still her boyfriend. Um, what? Scott is just as baffled as I am and is all, What about happened this afternoon where we slept together, then went on a date? Well, he didn't say that exactly, but he certainly implied it. Somebody's gotta say it, but Pamela kinds sucks. 

Remember when I said (like two paragraphs ago?) that everyone absolutely loved Scott the werewolf? Well, there are a couple people who don't particularly care for him. One of them is this kid named Lewis, who is friends with Scott and Stiles. He is a couple years younger than him and we see him in a couple scenes with them. He's just sort of there, you know? He doesn't really add anything to the plot. Scott mentions to Stiles that he hasn't seen Lewis in awhile and we find out that he's been avoiding Scott because he's scared of him. And that's that. It's never brought up again. Like, seriously, what was the point? I guess they had to have SOMEONE in this town who was scared of a werewolf. 

Stiles must come from a wealthy family because he's just throwing away money left and right. First it was buying all that useless merch and now he has bought a van that he refurbished so it says "Wolfmobile" on the side and has a terrible drawing of a werewolf on it. I mean, really.  He is about to go van surfing with Scott driving, but Scott changes into werewolf form and tells him, "These waves are mine." I guess Scott the human would never do that, but Scott the werewolf is all about the van surfing. While Stiles is driving the van through town and blasting Surfing' USA, Scott is doing backflips, the splits, and even does a handstand which he holds for a few solid moments. They pass by the hardware store and Scott's dad sees him acting like a jackass and will later tell him he was making a fool of himself. He tells Scott he "needs to get a hold of it", it meaning his werewolf powers, I guess. 

The other person who isn't crazy about Scott the werewolf is Boof. While walking to school together, Boof asks him if he has any plans for the spring dance and that's when he asks her if she would like to go with him and she says she'll go with him, but only with him and not the wolf. He tells her, "I gotta be the wolf. That's what everyone expects." Boof tells him she won't attend the dance with him, but she will save a dance for him. 

When Scott enters the room at prom dressed in a white suit (and of course he arrives as the werewolf), a song called "Big Bad Wolf" starts playing and all the kids part to let Scott into the middle of the room and everyone starts dancing to the song. They do this dance move where they form their hands into claws and swipe at the air.  I have no idea if this song existed before the movie or if it was made specifically for the movie. I'm hoping for the latter because it's kind of a weird song. The lyrics read very sexual (maybe my mind is in the gutter, but I don't think so), but yet there's a line about not looking like a grandma. Like, I get it's a Little Red Riding Hood reference, but this is a weird (and slightly inappropriate for a prom!) song. In fact, all the music in this movie is weird and did not age well as I have never heard of it and I'm guessing not all of these songs were written specially for this movie. There's no way. The songs are much like the actors...I've never heard of them (save for Michael J. Fox, of course).

For some reason, this songs seems to rev up Boof and she takes Scott (who she was dancing with) out into the hall and starts to make out with him. Keep in mind that he's still in wolf form and I thought she didn't like the wolf? I thought she preferred Scott as his human self? I must say Boof looks very '80s in her white strapless prom dress and lace gloves. 

They come back to the dance and Scott is now in human form. Pamela is there with Mick, who looks more like a teacher chaperone than a student because the actor was 27. At one point, it is mentioned he is 20 because he was held back...because he went to jail or something? IDK. And I don't really care. Mick is still jealous because Pamela tells him she will dance with Scott if he asks her. He tells Scott to stay away from Pamela and to "stick with his own kind like that little tramp." He is referring to Boof, but it sounds like he's describing Pamela. This makes Scott angry and he turns into the wolf and slashes Mick's shirt revealing his tattoo and abs. Does he draw blood? No. However, the action of what he's done freaks him out and he vows he's not going to be the wolf anymore and decides to quit the basketball team since he sucks at it when he's not in wolf form. 

But during the last scene, a basketball game between the Beavers and the Dragons (that's Mick's team, remember), Scott comes in during the middle of the game and they let him play. He wants to prove they can win the game without him being the wolf. I'm sure there's some lesson we're supposed to learn here. 

I was very confused. Did they change their mascot to the Wolves? There's a sign that says "Becontown Wolves", but someone is still dressed in the beaver mascot costume. Make up your mind, you can't be both mascots! Also, why didn't they just start out as the wolves in the first place? Maybe they thought it would be too on the nose, but this movie is so stupid, you might as well just have the werewolf play basketball on a team called the Wolves. I mean, why not? 

Scott scores the winning point (of course he does) and an incredibly cheesy, schmaltzy song comes on. You have to read the lyrics to see how bad it is: 

"Funny how sometimes life just changes overnight. Magically, everything you do turns out so right. Just like that you pull rabbits out of your hat. You've got the charm that even wizards can't explain how to make rainbows from a single drop of rain." 

Now that Scott is popular and won the game, Pamela wants to be with him and is going to congratulate him (and make out with him presumably), but he brushes past her to kiss Boof because she's the one he wants to be with. 

The movie ends in the oddest way. It's a still shot of the crowd in the bleachers. Scott is among them with Boof and his dad, but they aren't even centered. In fact, it took a few seconds for my eyes to focus on them because I didn't see the right away! 

Another thing about this movie is that I believe it is set in Nebraska (in the small fictional town of Beacontown) and as someone who lives in Nebraska, this makes me feel deeply ashamed. They never actually say they're in Nebraska, but there are clues such as there's Husker memorabilia in the office of the basketball coach and there's also a Huskers banner or calendar or something in Scott's kitchen. Thank God we have Alexander Payne so nobody immediately jumps to this movie when they think of movies that take place in Nebraska (and at least the Payne movies that take place in Nebraska were filmed here!)

I know there was a sequel to this movie that starred Jason Bateman, who I guess, was a poor man's MJF at the time. I think he's supposed to be Scott's cousin. I guess if his sister in real life can play MJF's sister on Family Ties, then makes sense he can play his cousin! I guess MJF refused to be in the sequel because he hated the original movie. Plus he knew he had something better with Back to the Future, so can you really blame him? I can't. This movie is just terrible.

Is It Love, Actually?

Notting Hill

Director: Roger Michell

Cast: Julia Roberts, Hugh Grant, Hugh Bonneville, Rhys Ifans, Alec Baldwin

Released: May 28, 1999

This is a movie I liked when I watched it when it first came out, but now that I'm a little older and wiser, I can see that this movie is really not that good. These two people getting together makes no sense at all and there are so many things that don't really make any sense.

I should warn there will be spoilers though it's probably a moot point since this movie is very predictable and even if you've never seen it, you probably know that that two leads get together. Uh, spoiler alert! I WISH there was a reason for me to put a spoiler warning; I wish there was a bit of a twist in this movie, but, alas, there is not.

This is the movie where Julia Roberts basically plays herself. It reminds me of when Whitney Houston played a mega pop star in The Bodyguard. Julia Roberts, the most famous actress in the whole entire universe at the time, plays Anna Scott, the most famous actress in the whole entire universe. Hugh Grant plays William Thacker, a charming and self-deprecating English lad with floppy hair who owns a travel bookstore in Notting Hill, a charming and affluent area of London. He used to be married to a woman who left him for a man "who looked exactly like Harrison Ford." He says his shop doesn't sell many travel books and that basically business hasn't been booming. If that's the case, how doe he afford his house (which seems pretty nice). Well, good thing he ends up with a movie star who makes $15 million a movie (spoiler alert!)! I can't help but wonder if that's the real reason he was so enamored with her. I bet it was a pretty big big reason.

Our two leads meet fairly early in the movie when Anna comes into the bookstore and you can tell he recognizes her because he looks at her, then does a double take. Like with any other customer, he asks if he can help her and she politely says no. He will continue to try to engage in conversation with her by telling her she shouldn't get the book she's looking at and recommends another book on the same country (Turkey) and continues to give the author's credentials. He's just babbling and you just want to to him to SHUT UP! (and this won't even be the worst example of this!) and Anna is just nodding and trying to be polite, but you can tell she doesn't want to really have any conversation with him. She will end up buying the book she was looking at, but he throws in the recommended book for free. Celebrities; they have so much money, but yet they still get everything for free! Such BS! Also, why is he just giving her a FREE book when he could sell it to someone who may actually want it when his shop isn't doing so well. Oh, right, because he's so starstruck. 

She leaves, but they will have their real meet cute five minutes later, or an hour later (not really sure how much time passes once she leaves the store) when Will has gone out to buy orange juice and a pastry and he's headed back to his store. He's rounding a corner and who should be coming from the opposite side, also at a face pace. Why, it's Anna Scott, of course (with seemingly no bodyguards...don't really big time celebs have bodyguards with them? Unless they were watching from a distance. But then why would they let her...oh, never mind!) They collide into each other and Will (I honestly don't even remember if he's referred to as "Will" or "William" in this movie, but "Will" is shorter to type, so we're going with that!) spills his OJ all over her blouse. Thank God it wasn't coffee; I can only image how much she would sue him for that! She's sopping wet and he offers to let her clean up at his place which is just down the street and she can see it with the blue door from where she's standing. She says she needs to get her car back (was it in the shop or something?) and he says she can use his phone. This is how you can tell this movie takes place pre-Smart Phone! This is also the time where, if indeed she did have a bodyguard, they would intercept her and stop her from going to a strange man's house...which she does! This is SHOCKING that a woman, especially someone who is a public figure like Anna Scott, would just go into this man's house without a second thought. What if he was some crazy stalker and had planned this to lure her back to his house? But she's just like, Okay, I'll change at your house and use your phone. Seriously, would Julia Roberts ever go into some random person's house after they spilled OJ on her? No, she would not! I wouldn't do it and I'm not even famous! 

I should mention that Will has a flatmate named Spike (Rhys Ifans) who is a complete slob and the house is always just a mess. He also has no filter and no common sense. A lot of his scenes are just there for comedic purposes and I'll talk more about him later. Will apologizes for the messy kitchen and I noticed a chalkboard on the wall with the message, "Spike, clean up" which I thought was a nice touch. 

Anna changes her shirt (she had been shopping, so she had a top to change into) and when she comes downstairs, Will is gazing in awe at her. He seems to be enamored with her fame and beauty more than anything else. There is an extremely awkward and cringe-worthy scene where she's clearly ready to leave once she's gotten everything situated and he asks her if she wants something to drink. He just offer her twenty different beverages and she says "no" to all of them. Dude, get a clue, she doesn't want anything to drink! She also doesn't want anything "to nibble". He offers her apricots soaked in honey and rambles on about how they taste like honey and if you wanted honey, then you should just get honey. First of all, it's like, UGH, SHUT UP! Second of all, it's pronounced AP-ra-cot, not APE-ra-cot. (I know, I know, that's how British people pronounce it). Will asks her, "Do you always say no to everything?" to which Anna predictably replies, "No."

Before she leaves, Will tells her, "It was nice to meet you. Surreal, but nice." After she leaves, he berates himself for saying something so stupid. But seconds later, his doorbell will ring and he will find Anna there! She has forgotten her bag with the books which she had left at the bottom of the stairs before she went up to change. To be honest, I had also forgotten about that bag. The question is did she really forget her bag or did she leave it on purpose? He gives her the bag, she thanks him, looks at him, then kisses him. And I'm not talking a peck on the cheek, but a full on make out session. HUH? Where did this come from? Why is she kissing him? It had been awhile since I last saw this movie and I thought they had eventually warmed up to a romance, but it seems to start, like, ten minutes after they meet. I can understand why he's so enamored with her since she's a big time movie star, but I'm not sure why she's so into him? I mean, he seems like a perfectly nice guy and he isn't bad-looking, but there is absolutely no reason she should be kissing him like that. If he had saved her life or defended her honor, then maybe I could see a reason. Will apologizes for his "surreal, but nice" comment and Anna tells him she thought the low point was when he started babbling on about the honey-drenched apricots. Hey, she's not wrong! And at least she pronounced "apricots" the right way! Before she leaves (again), Anna tells him, "It's probably best not to tell anyone about this." Obviously, she's only looking out for herself. If a gorgeous famous celebrity kissed you, of course you're going to tell everybody! Duh! That's the only natural human response. Of course, nobody is going to believe you anyway! 

That night, Will and Spike watch a movie starring Anna Scott and Matthew Modine and it looks like the most pretentious, God-awful film. Its called Gramercy Park and it's in black and white. The scene we see Will and Spike watching has them at an art gallery and Matthew Modine's character keeps telling Anna Scott's character to smile and she's all, "I've got nothing to smile about." Also, nothing more obnoxious than somebody telling you to smile. Moments later, he asks her to marry him and she breaks out into her wide Julia Roberts grin. Oh, barf. Spike says, "Imagine, somewhere in the world there's a man who's allowed to kiss her." And he says that to the very guy who had just kissed her that very day! What are the odds of that?    

A day or two passes and Spike tells Will he has a couple messages, but he didn't write them down. Because that's the kind of person he is. He does remember that "an American girl named Anna called a few days ago" and told him she wanted Will to call her at the Ritz under a different name that Spike can't remember since he didn't write the message down. It's really too bad for Will that Smart Phones don't exist in the world yet. How did Anne get his phone number? Did he ever give her his last name so she could look him up in the phone book? While Will is talking to the Ritz and trying to convince them to let them talk to world famous movie star Anna Scott, Spike suddenly remembers the name she used was "Flintstone" and Will is able to get through.

He goes to her hotel suite, but it turns out it's set up for a press junket where journalists are interviewing Anna and other actors for her new film called Helix. When he's asked which magazine he's from, Will sees a copy of Horse and Hound lying on a coffee table nearby and tells the woman he's with that publication. He also uses his real name. Wouldn't they have him on the roster? They must not even have one because they let him in without checking his identification or credentials. This movie definitely lets thing slide so they can tell the story they want to to tell. 

Will is able to go in the private room where Anna is giving her interviews, but her publicist keeps popping in and out, so every time he's in the room, Will has to pretend to be a journalist and ask dumb questions about a movie he hasn't seen and knows nothing about. Keeping with the magazine's theme, he asks if she wanted more horses in it and she replies it would be too difficult since the movie is set in space. She says it in kind of a bitchy tone which I thought was a bit rude since she was the one who got Will in this mess. It's not his fault he hasn't seen this crappy movie (we see a very little clip of it and we hear snippets of what its about and it sounds terrible) and that he has to pretend to be interviewing her. When the publicist is out of the room, Anna does sound apologetic and tells him she thought this would be over by now. Still, she could have arranged a rendez-vous with him without putting him in this awkward position. She also apologizes for "the kissing thing." This prompts Will to ask her if she's busy that night and she says she is. When the publicist brings in the next journalist, Anna tells Will it was nice to meet him and throws in "surreal, but nice", making it full circle, though it absolutely makes no sense why a movie star would say that to a journalist. Will tells her she is Horse and Hounds favorite actress, other than Black Beauty. 

This scene will continue when Will is getting ready to leave, but he ends up having to interview the other actors who are also in the movie. This includes a pre-The O.C. AND a pre-The Sixth Sense (though only by a few months) Mischa Barton. When she tells Will she's been in 22 movies (and this girl can't be older than 12!), he asks her which one was her favorite and she replies the one she did with Leo. Will has no idea who Leonardo DiCaprio is cuz he asks if she means DaVinci (HUH?) and she clarifies who she means. Will still has no idea who this DiCaprio fellow is because he asks her if he's her favorite Italian director. HUH??? How does he know Anna Scott, but has never heard of Leonardo freakin' DiCaprio, who's on the same level of fame (and probably higher!) than Anna Scott?? I know it was played for laughs, but it did not make any sense. This happens a lot in this movie: a scene played for laughs that absolutely makes no sense. 

Anna catches Will before he leaves and tells him she can cancel her plans so she's free that night. Will is happy, but then suddenly realizes it's his sister's birthday and they're supposed to be having dinner with friends. (Dude, I'm sure your sister wouldn't mind if you were missing her birthday dinner to go on a date with a famous movie actress). Anna gets the great idea to invite herself along which I don't fine believable at all. I'm beginning to think she's one of those celebrities who became famous to be famous and does not care about acting at all (she often even jokes she's not that great of an actress!) She invites herself because she knows everybody will be fawning over her. Will has time to call his friends who are hosting the birthday dinner to tell them he's brining a date, but he doesn't have time to give them a heads up that his date just so happens to be the world's most famous actress. 

When they arrive at Max and Bella's house (the couple hosting the party), Bella is about to tell Anna she's the spitting image of Anna Scott, but Will introduces her and she realizes she IS Anna Scott. When Will's sister, Honey (please tell me that is just a nickname), arrives, she is fawning over Anna and it's so awkward. I think Anna herself is even pretty uncomfortable. Honey babbles on, very similar to her brother, so that must have been a hereditary trait passed down to them. She tells Anna, "This is one of those key moments in life when it's possible you can be really genuinely cool and I'm going to fail just 100%. I absolutely, totally, and utterly adore you. I think you are the most beautiful woman in the world." While that's a little cringey, it's not as bad as when she continues on to tell her she believes they could be best friends. WTF? At least form a friendship with her before you tell her you want to be best friends. That's about bordering on obsession stalker territory. She asks Anna what does she think about this and Anna, who is pretty diplomatic in this scenario replies, "Lucky me." Honey then continues to be creepy and quite forward when she tells Anna to marry Will because he's "a really nice guy" and then they can "become sisters." Oh. My. God. Girl, this is their FIRST date. Calm the eff down. I would feel a little bit sorry for Anna, but she is the one who invited herself along. She had to know what she was getting herself into, although I'm sure she didn't think she would be propositioned to be someone's new best friend or ask to get married to the guy she's on a first date with. 

When their unlucky in love stockbroker friend, Bernie (Hugh Bonneville), shows up, he doesn't even recognize Anna at first. He asks her what she does and when she says she acts, he says he used to do some amateur acting and tells her it must be a tough job because "the wages are a scandal." Even though it is extremely rude that he asks how much she made on her last film, I don't think she would reply with 15 million dollars like she does. Realistically, she would probably just tell him she gets by. I would imagine rich people don't like talking about how rich they are, but then, I'm not rich, so what do I know? He does realize who he had been talking to when Anna uses the restroom that Honey eagerly shows her where it is even though she could have found it just fine.

Dinner seems to go by fine and after they've all had a brownie for dessert, there's one left and it is offered as a prize to whoever has "the saddest act here." (Why the hell didn't they just make sure there was two for everyone in the first place!) This is clearly an exposition scene for the audience to learn more about the characters. We learn that Bernie works at a job he doesn't understand and everyone keeps getting promoted above him; Honey doesn't make much money and she attracts "cruel men"; Bella is in a wheelchair and can't have kids. We know that she was in an accident 18 months ago; I think they mention she fell down the stairs? Will is divorced with an unsuccessful profession. (Still, how does have such a nice home?) They are about to let Will take it (really? The woman who is in a wheelchair and can't have children doesn't have the saddest story of them all?), when rich-ass, beautiful, world-beloved and famous Anna Scott whines that she should get a chance to claim the last brownie. Bitch, please. She'd probably just throw it up anyway. I say this because she tells them she's been on a diet since she was 19 as well as she's had a bunch of "not-nice boyfriends", and every time she gets her heart broken, it's all over the newspaper. Oh, and it took two painful operation to look like she does. Um, you were the one who went into a line of work who has high standards for the way you look and of course the tabloids are going to paste your business all over their papers. I don't think the woman in the wheelchair who can't have children asked for those things. The other guests sort of humor her and cluck their tongues in sympathy, but then they're like, Nice try, you're rich and beautiful, so GTFO. (They didn't say it that way exactly, but you know that's what they were thinking). 

Honey continues to be intrusive when Will and Anna are leaving and saying good-bye to everyone and Honey tells her to call her if she ever wants to go shopping because she knows "lots of nice cheap places." Yeah, because the woman who makes $15 million a movie is worried about finding cheap places to shop! Anna, bless her, is super nice and tells Honey she's her "style guru", but it's an obvious lie because those two could not have fashion senses more different. When Anna and Will are outside the house, they hear his friends screaming in excitement and Will tells her they do that every time he leaves. I thought that was one of the funnier scenes in the movie. 

One of the scenes I remember the most is the next one where they're walking and come across a private garden with a locked gate. To impress Anna, Will tries to climb over, but fails and this is where we get him saying "Whoopsie daisies" not only once, but twice, and Anna makes fun of him for that. They both manage to make it over and kiss while they're in front of a beautiful garden and a sappy song starts playing, so you know they're in love. 

We get a montage of them going on dates and doing mushy romantic stuff. After eating dinner together one night, they walk back to Anna's hotel and she invites him up, but tells him to give her five minutes before he arrives. It doesn't make sense why she makes him wait five minutes before he's allowed to enter her suite because she can just primp herself in the bathroom, but they only do this because Anna's movie star boyfriend, Jeff (played by Alec Baldwin), has shown up to surprise her! Ruh-oh! She only has seconds to warn him before Jeff shows his face. I guess we're supposed to think Jeff is some kind of a-hole and while he does make comments about Anna not ordering too much food so she doesn't get fat, he actually comes off better than Anna does in this scene. For one thing, he's not lying to anybody. Anna tells Jeff that Will works at the hotel and is there to take orders for room service. Jeff asks for some water and asks Will if he can clear the dirty dishes and take out the trash. Again, I think the audience is meant to think Jeff is being a jerk for asking Will to do this, but I can't blame him! He thinks the guy works there and he's just asking him if he can clear the dirty dishes and take out the trash. He's not being rude or anything. That seems like a perfectly normal request to ask somebody who works at the hotel. 

I realize this movie takes place before Google was a mainstream thing and even before the Internet was huge, though they did have the Internet back in 1999, so why didn't Will do any research on Anna on the web? Was her relationship with Jeff hidden from the press, so nobody knew about it? Somehow, I doubt that. Also, surely Will's friends and especially his sister, who is Anna Scott-obsessed must have know that Anna had a boyfriend! Why didn't they take Will aside and mention this to him? We will get a scene later with his friends when one of them asks him, "You didn't know she had a boyfriend?" and he replies, "No, did you?" and his friends all look knowingly at each other. SO WHY DIDN'T THEY TELL HIM? For the convenience of the movie's plot, that's why. 

Anyway, Will is obviously hurt that Anna was lying to him that whole time and they break up. His friends start to set him up with different women. We meet Tessa who has frizzy hair and while social, is also very blunt. When she first sees Bella (her first date with Will is a double date with Bella and Max), she exclaims, "Hello! You're in a wheelchair!" She knows Max from somewhere (work, maybe?) and tells Will that Max has told her a lot about him and that he (Will) "is a naughty boy." Now, was this before or after Hugh Grant got busted being caught with prostitute? (I can't take credit for this joke; I heard it on a podcast. And for the record, it was after). But what is she talking about? Nothing about Will screams "naughty". I don't know what kind of stories Max has been telling her! 

The second woman they set him up with refuses to eat a meal because she's a "fruitarian" which means she "believes fruits and vegetables have feelings, so cooking is cruel" and she only eats those that have fallen on the ground since they're "dead" already. The dish she was offered had carrots that were murdered. So I thought this whole fruitarian thing was made up for the movie, but it seems to be a real thing. I understand why people are vegetarians and I respect that, but I don't quite get the point of being a fruitarian. 

The last woman they set him up with, played by Emily Mortimer, seems perfectly normal and she is lovely and beautiful and doesn't have any weird quirks and even Will admits that she is "perfect, absolutely perfect" after she has left the date and his friends ask him what he thought. We then get some interesting backstory on him where we learn that besides Anna, he's only loved two girls, "both total disasters." One was his ex-wife and the other was Bella, who ended up marrying his best friend. Wow, that's got to be awkward that he used to be in love with the woman who married his best friend and now he remains friends with today. He must have gotten over her. I don't know why they had to make that part of his history. Also, he only dated Anna, for what, a month, and he claims he was in love with her? Give me a break! Here he has beautiful and lovely Emily Mortimer (she doesn't have a name in the movie, so I'll just call her by her real name) who clearly likes him and she's not even going to hear back from him because he's too busy swooning over a movie star who will probably dump his ass in six months if they ever got back together. What a chump. I wish they at least had Will date Emily Mortimer so when Anna will shows up at his door months later, there's a bit of a love triangle. But, alas, we will not hear from or see Emily Mortimer anymore in the film. 

Anna shows up because she is upset that nude photos of her taken "years ago" are now in the tabloids. She had them taken before she made it big to make a few bucks. Apparently, someone was filming her as well, "so what was a stupid photo shoot now looks like a porn film." I don't quite understand why these photos and videos are being released now since it appears that Anna has been famous for at least a decade. It doesn't make any sense, but they just need to find a reason for Anna to be upset while she just so happens to be in London for two days and she goes to Will to ask if she can stay with him for awhile so she can hide from the press. Of course Will says she can stay with him because he is in love with her, but we all know that "love" is purely infatuation. We also find out that Anna has broken up with Jeff. 

Two things of note that happen during this time that will come back later in the movie:

1) Will is helping Anna with her lines for her next movie where she saves the world from a nuclear threat. He calls the script "gripping", but it isn't Henry James.

2) They bond over a Chagall painting called La Mariee (pretend there's an accent mark over the first e) that features a violin-playing goat. 

They end up sleeping together and everything is great until it isn't. The next morning while Anna is in the kitchen getting breakfast ready, the doorbell rings and Will answers it wearing his boxers and a t-shirt. He opens the door to find a crapton of paparazzi snapping pics of him and quickly shuts the door. When Anna sees Will's shocked face, she asks him what's going on. He says "nothing" and she says, "You're up to something" and proceeds to open the door only wearing his dress shirt. Why didn't he stop her? And why is she opening the door only wearing his shirt? You would think being a public figure, she would know better. Of course photos get snapped of her dressed like that and she is livid. She accuses Spike of calling the papers and telling them where she was to make "a buck or two." Spike did tell a couple of his friends (it's not like Will told him to keep quiet about it and what do you expect from somebody like Spike? Anna had met him before and knew what he was like) and that's how it got leaked. I can't blame her for being pissed because Will had every opportunity to tell her NOT to open the door, but he didn't until it was too late. She probably still would have been angry that the press was there, but at least they wouldn't get her photo. Will tells her it will be forgotten by the next day and nobody will care anymore because it will be yesterdays' news. But Anna doesn't agree with him and leaves in a huff and once again they are no more. 

I do love the next scene where we see the passing of time as we see an establishing shot of Will walking through the market and they show the seasons changing. At the beginning, we see him pass a pregnant woman, then by the end she has a baby. We also see his sister with a new beau, but by the end, they are arguing. It's a nice way to show the passage of time:

During this time, Bernie has lost his job and at a dinner with friends, Honey announces she's engaged. Turns out it's to Spike. Wha-? How did Will not know his sister was dating his flatmate? How did we not know about this? This must have been a storyline they cut out of the movie...but then why leave in their engagement? Also, I hate that they get engaged because they're the kooky characters. But, whatever, it's not even important and won't be part of the movie anymore and I'm not really sure why it's even in the movie. I am vexed; it vexes me. 

Will finds out that Anna is back in London, filming. (Does she even film in any other city??) Apparently she won a Best Actress Oscar...for Helix, that craptacular sci-fi movie. Um, excuse me, but nobody ever wins acting Oscars for sci-fi movies. Well, thank goodness for Julia Roberts, the movie she actually did win an Oscar for, Erin Brockovich, is better than that movie (and this movie too, let's be honest!) So, I guess in this universe, Anna Scott wins the Oscar instead of Hilary Swank for Boys Don't Cry. I mean, there is clearly some shady stuff going on! 

Anyway, remember I told you to remember a couple of things because they would come back later? Well, turns out Anna is filming an adaptation of a Henry James novel and Will goes to visit her on the set. She sees him and invites him to stay and watch, then they can chat later. He does, but I guess she doesn't know that someone gave him headphones so he can hear the dialogue, and he ends up hearing Anna's co-star ask Anna about him (Will) and Anna just dismisses him (Will, again), saying he's "just some guy from the past" and she doesn't know "what he's doing here." Good Lord, what a bitch! Will must think so too because he just leaves and goes back to work.

Later, Anna comes to the bookstore to bring him a wrapped gift because it make her think of him. (It's the original Chagall painting. Apparently, when they were bonding over it, she forgot to mention that she OWNED the original!) Anna asks if they can spend some together and he replies, "No, bitch, get your hoity-toity ass outta my shop." No, he did not say that. He actually said, "Can I just say "no" to your kind request and leave it at that?" He goes on to tell her they are two different peoples; he's from Notting Hill, she's from Beverly Hills, yada, yada, yada. This is when we get the famous line, "I'm just a girl... standing in front of a boy.... asking him to love her." Will STILL says no, but when he tells his friends later that day what happened, he realizes he made the wrong decision (no, he didn't!) and needs to find her (no, he doesn't!), so he and all his friends drive to the Savoy where she's at a press conference and they get in using their shenanigans. Someone asks her how long she will be in the UK and she replies she will be leaving that night. Will better make his move soon! Lucky for him, another journalists asks about the "graphic photos" taken of her with "some young English guy." First of all, WTF, "graphic photos"? They weren't even nude! Second of all, they weren't even photographed together! Anna replies that he was just friend, then Will, posed as a journalist asks her, "Are there any circumstances in which the two of you might be more than just good friends." Anna realizes it's him and tells him if he would be willing to give her a second chance and Will basically admits he was wrong and Anna announces she will be staying in Britain "indefinitely." Yay. Whoo-wee. We end the movie with them getting married and seeing her pregnant when they're at a park. 

It absolutely makes no sense that he ends up with Anna! I would have loved it if the movie had a twist and he ended up with Emily Mortimer's character. Also, you know those two are no longer together. They should make a sequel about their kid (who would be 22 now). I'm sure we would find out their parents divorced when they were a little kid! 

Many of the scenes that featured the zany roommate, Spike, didn't come off realistic to me. Nobody can be that stupid, can they? Pretty much every scene with Spike infuriated me because he comes off....so unnecessarily stupid and socially inept and his scenes are clearly played for laughs and I just hated this character so, so much:

-There's a scene early on in the movie where he's getting ready for a date (how did get get someone to go out with him in the first place?) and he asks Will which shirt he should wear. The first one he models features a plastic T-rex head and is splattered in red and it reads "I love blood." What the actual f**k? Why would anyone think this would be appropriate to wear on a date or anywhere, for that matter? The second one has an arrow pointing at his genitals and it says "Get it here." Will, of course, is appalled by these shirts. The third shirt Spike wears has a heart and says "You're the most beautiful woman in the world." Will tells him, "That's perfect." WTF, Will? No, it's not. You say, "Don't you own any solid colored shirts?" Encourage him to wear a black or blue or red polo shirt. If I went on a date with a guy who wore a shirt that said that, I would be terrified and totally weirded out. That is CREEPY AF. There is nothing romantic or cutesy about that. When Spike turns around, Will sees it reads "Fancy a f**k?" (Klassy!) and still Will doesn't tell him NOT to wear it. 

Then we get a scene of Spike eating something and he tells Will there's something wrong with the yogurt, who replies, "It's not yogurt; it's mayonnaise" and Spike continues to eat it! Ugh, why? It would have been more believable if the yogurt was just expired and he continued to eat it because he didn't mind the taste of it. 

At one point, we see him wearing Will's wet suit (from a vacation he took once) because he doesn't have any clean clothes because he never does laundry. This is only in the movie because Will says the goggles are prescriptions and we see him wearing them at the movies when he's dating Anna because he can't find his glasses. I'm sorry, but if you're trying to impress a girl, especially one who is a MOVIE STAR, you're not going to wear your stupid scuba diving goggles because you look like a COMPLETE moron! Well, lucky for him, Anna seems to think it's charming. 

During the time Anna is staying with Will, she takes a bubble bath in the bathroom. Spike, who had been reading the tabloids that features Anna's nude photos, walks into the bathroom, sees Anna in the tub with the bubbles surrounding her, then walks out and thanks God. And she acts like it's no big deal; like she was suspecting Will's flatmate to walk in on her while she was in the tub. You would think she would LOCK the door! 

If you're looking for another  Richard Curtis romance, I would recommend About Time which also has an interesting premise. I should mention that Richard Curtis did not direct Notting Hill, but he did write it. I've never see Four Weddings and a Funeral, so I can't say if that's better or not than this one. That's one I should put on my list of movies to review.