Emotions

Inside Out 2

Director: Kelsey Mann

Voice Talent: Amy Poehler, Maya Hawke, Phyllis Smith, Lewis Black, Tony Hale, Liza Lapira, Diane Lane, Kyle MacLachlan

Released: June 14, 2024

Oscar nominations:

Best Animated Film (lost to Flow)

A few years ago I ranked the Pixar movies and Inside Out was my #2. (Toy Story 3 will always be #1 in my heart!) While there have been more Pixar movies added, none of them are pushing the top two out of the way. I remember seeing Inside Out (and crying my eyes out!) and thinking how clever it was with the emotions of an eleven-year-old girl named Riley being the main characters of the movie. Now Riley is thirteen and the original emotions are back, but we're about to meet some new ones! Of course the original emotions are Joy (Amy Poehler), Anger (Lewis Black), Fear (Tony Hale), Disgust (Liza Lapira), and my favorite (as a character, not an emotion!), Sadness (Phyllis Smith). 

Now that Riley is thirteen, she is beginning to form a Sense of Self and her own beliefs. Every time she comes up with a new belief, it is taken to the Belief System. Many of Riley's beliefs include the same sentiment such as "I'm kind," "I'm a good friend," I'm a good person", "I'm strong and brave", "Mom and Dad are proud of me." As you can imagine, Joy is delighted that Riley has such a strong Sense of Self. 

Riley and her two best friend, Grace and Bree, who all play hockey together, have been invited to a three-day overnight hockey camp. Now three days seems really short, but I'm guessing they did it because they thought two weeks would be too long. They were invited by Coach Roberts, the coach of the high school team,  the Fire Hawks, and these three days could determine whether the girls make the team or not. 

The girls will be starting high school next year and it's only on the drive to the camp when Grace and Bree tell Riley that they will be attending a different high school from Riley. I'm so confused because they were invited by the coach of the Fire Hawks, so why would she invite two girls who will be going to a different high school? The whole point of this storyline is for Riley to have anxiety about her friends going to a different high school, so she tries to impress the older girls who are already on the Fire Hawks so she can be friends with them and thus won't be a friendless loser when she starts high school. 

Riley is starting to have doubts that she's any good at hockey because she recently got a penalty. There's a funny scene of Joy taking that memory and tossing it in the Back of the Mind with all the other negative memories so they won't weigh on her. Joy has catapulted many of these not-so-great memories to the Back of the Mind including one where Riley was waving at a guy who was actually waving at a girl behind her. Heh, poor Riley. I loved it when they were talking about that particular memory and Joy says, "Oh, yeah, that was awkward." 

While the Emotions are sleeping (they sleep when Riley sleeps), they are awakened by a loud beeping noise and wake up to see a big red button blinking. Now, if you remember at the end of the first movie when their control console is remodeled, they see this big red button that's labeled "puberty" or "poo bore tee" as one of them (I think it was Disgust) pronounces it. At that time they're not worried about it (and don't seem to even know what it means), but now the red light is getting brighter and the siren is getting louder. They're frantically trying to turn it off, but that's one switch you can't turn off! Joy manages to rip the button off and places it in the tube that will send it to the Back of the Mind but of course that's not going to work. Did these Emotions not get the handbook on puberty? 

A demolition team appears and has come to expand the place for "the others". Of course, this means the new Emotions that we are introduced to. These include Anxiety (Maya Hawke), Envy (Ayo Edebiri), Embarrassment, and Ennui. I would argue you can definitely have all these emotions before you turn thirteen, you may just not realize what you're feeling. Also, I understand from a movie perspective, they can't have all these emotions in the first movie. 

Anxiety is an emotion I know all too well because I'm pretty sure  anxiety controls me most of the time. I am someone who worries about everything all the time. While Sadness is the main Emotion in the first movie, Anxiety is in the driver's seat in this movie for the most part. Poor Riley. I love the designs and personalties for the new Emotions. Because yellow (Joy), blue (Sadness), red (Anger), green (Disgust), and purple (Fear) are already taken, we get new colors for the new Emotions. Well, sort of. Two colors are used again, just a different shade. I was a little surprised that Envy is more of a blue shade than green but after looking up some information about her on the Pixar Wiki fandom (now there's a site you could get lost in the wormholes!), I found out she was supposed to be emerald, but her color was changed to aquamarine so she wouldn't look too similar to Disgust. I think a dark green would have worked for her because Disgust is a shade of light green. Embarrassment is pink (of course) and the biggest Emotion in size and wears a hoodie that he hides his face in throughout 99% of the movie. He mostly just talks in squeaks and yelps and he doesn't utter a sentence until the end of the movie. Quick sidetone: I find it interesting that Riley's Emotions are both male and female while when we see other people's Emotions controlling them (like her parents or her friends), they're all the same gender of whoever the person they're controlling. Ennui is voiced by a French actress so I love the Emotion that's a French word has a French accent. We are told that Ennui emulates boredom, but I found her to have a "too cool for school" attitude, like she didn't give a flying you-know-what. I think being bored and trying too act like you don't care are two completely different things. Anxiety's design is my favorite. She is orange with hair that sticks up and reminds me of a Fraggle Rock. I was listening to the Filmspotting review of this movie and one of the hosts said the same thing, heh. She is also the definition of her name, always scurrying about and worrying about everything. 

The same day the new Emotions arrive is the same day that Riley arrives at the hockey camp with her friends. When she gets to the campus, she bumps into Valentina (Val) Ortiz who is the captain of the Fire Hawks. Anxiety takes over because she thinks if Riley becomes friends with Val, she'll be with the in crowd and have friends when she attends high school. This causes Anxiety and Joy to get into an argument about whether Riley should stick with her original friends or befriend the cool new girls. Anxiety says that while it's Fear's job to protect Riley from the scary stuff she can see, it's her job to protect her from the scary stuff she can't see. You know, I never really thought of it that way. 

In the locker room before the first practice, Val introduces Riley to the other Fire Hawks, a group of four or five girls. Again, I'm not really sure why they're at this skills camp if they're already on the team, but I guess extra practice is always good. Val invites her to sit with them, but Riley tells her she's saving seats for her friends (they're in the locker room getting ready to play hockey, it's not like they're going to be in there that long). Bree and Grace come in and the three friends are all excitedly taking selfies with Riley's phone, making faces and chatting animatedly. Coach Roberts enters and tells everyone to "settle in" and while all the other girls are giving her their full attention, the three friends are still gigging. When the coach gets stern with them and tells them they need their focus, they get quiet, but it's too late and the Coach starts passing around a box telling everyone they need to put their phones in it. This makes everyone pretty (and rightly) annoyed with Riley. Yeah, I'd be pretty irked if I had to surrender my phone because of someone's moronic actions. 

You would think after that, Riley would be on her best behavior, but she keeps talking with her friends and now the Coach has them skate lines. Anxiety does her work and pretty much has Riley groveling to Val so she can get on her good side and try to make a better impression. When Coach Roberts tells them to split into two teams, Anxiety wants her to join the team with Val, but Joy wants her to be on the team with Bree and Grace. Okay, I'm confused....why is Riley even getting the option to choose? Shouldn't the Coach have numbered them off or something or have two captains with a schoolyard pick? I get that it's for the purpose of the plot, but in no universe would this ever happen. Says the person who never participated in sports because no athletic bone exists in my body. 

Anxiety ends up getting her way after she tosses Riley's "Sense of Self" away (all the way to the Back of the Mind) and tells Joy that they'll build her a new one. The original Emotions are bottled up (literally - they're all stuffed into a bottle. As Fear puts it, "We are suppressed emotions!") and sent away to The Vault while the new Emotions take some new thoughts down to the Belief System: "If I'm a Fire Hawk, I won't be alone" and "If I'm good at hockey, then I'll have friends." (Aren't these pretty much the same exact thought?)

The Vault is a lair-like place that holds Riley's deep dark secrets, one being that she still likes Bloofy (I'm a guessing a portmanteau of Bluey and Goofy) an animated kids' show about a dog that has an educational element to it. I'm not sure why a thirteen-year-old would like a show that's geared towards three-year-olds. From what I gather, this show seems like it's very basic, teaching toddlers very simple things, but I guess that's why it's one of her deep darks secrets. 

Joy tells the others they need to go to the Back of the Mind to get Riley's Sense of Self back and all they have to do is follow the Stream of Conscience (reminds me of the Train of Thought from the first movie) that will take them there. Joy is already imagining how the scenario will go: "Riley will be Riley again" after they put back her Sense of Self and Joy adds, "And then I'll tell Anxiety, 'Hey don't worry so much anymore.'" Heh, that made me laugh. That's like telling Joy not to be so chipper all the time. 

Meanwhile, Anxiety has made Riley get up super early to get in some practice. (Probably not too hard for Riley because I know when I have anxiety I can't sleep!) Anxiety feels validation when Val comes in early as well and tells Riley, "You get what it takes to be the best" and invites her to come hang out with her and her friends later that evening. Both Anxiety and Envy are super excited about this. 

"Oh, Poooooouchyyyyy!"

The suppressed emotions are released with the help of Bloofy and his pal,     Pouchy. It was amusing because Bloofy and Pouchy are animated in that  crude, simplistic way of a children's daily animated half-hour TV show and it was funny seeing them juxtaposed against the gorgeous computer animation of a Pixar movie. Pouchy is a talking pouch (imagine that) with the zipper for his mouth. I think I now understand Riley's secret and shameful love for this show because Pouchy is hilarious and he's not even trying to be. Joy tells their new friends they need to get out of the Vault and Bloofy turns to the camera and asks the audience what they should use to escape and Pouchy takes out a few objects with only one being obvious to get then out (that would be the exploding dynamite!). 

Once they're released, they come to the Stream of Conscience which has whatever Riley is thinking about at the moment floating in it. What I want to know is what if she's thinking an abstract thought? They see a bunch of food including pizza, an apple, a burger, popcorn, chips, and milk (eww...pizza and milk...two foods that should never go together, but then again I think milk is only good paired with chocolate). Just moments before, after practice had ended, Riley had told Val how hungry she was and how she could go for a pizza so she had food on the mind. 

Joy wants them all to hop on a piece of pizza to use as a raft, but Sadness points out that they'll need somebody at the console at Headquarters to bring them back (this movie gets a bit convoluted with its geography of Riley's mind) in the tube so Joy says someone is going have to climb all the way back in the tube (and it's a loooong way) and Sadness is picked for the job. 

So right now, we have three different storylines going on. We have the one with Joy, Anger, Fear, and Disgust continuing their quest to restore Riley's Sense of Self, we have the one led by Anxiety with Envy right beside her both wanting to make sure Riley is set up well for her future in high school, and we have the one with Riley herself at hockey camp. 

Anxiety and Envy are now worried when the girls from the Fire Hawks and Riley are looking through the window of Coach Brown's office door and see a red notebook on her desk. The girls tell Riley that their coach keeps all the notes about all the players in there. The emotions (especially Anxiety) are worried that something bad may be written about Riley in there. Now, Val and the other girls (sorry, I don't remember their names; I don't know if they were even given names) are not portrayed as mean girls, but this was kind of a dick move for the girls to tell Riley about it. Now the poor girl is going to be worrying over it. Maybe it wasn't the older girls' intention (and, again, I know it's for the purpose of the plot), but I didn't love this. 

Later that evening Riley is hanging out with Val and the other girls in a lounge area when she's asked who her favorite band is. She replies, "Get Up and Glow! They're so awesome!" My first thought was it would have been a clever crossover if she had named the band the girls see in Turning Red, 4*Town, but then I remembered that movie takes place in 2002 or 2003 so it wouldn't have been in the right time frame. I assume its supposed to be 2017 in this movie since it takes place two years after the first movie. Anyway, Get Up and Glow gives me Panic! At the Disco vibes. (Do you think it's Get Up and Glow or Get Up and Glow! or perhaps even Get Up and GLOW! Punctuation is everything, you know.) She immediately becomes embarrassed when Val says she was "all over them in middle school", indicating only immature middle schoolers like them. Oof. Anxiety and Envy are both freaking out and Envy says they need to think of a band the other girls think is cool, not one that Riley likes. They recall everything Riley knows about music and this causes all those musical memories to push Sadness back to Headquarters (undetected because she's buried under all those memories). Just imagine recalling every single artist, band, and song you can think of. Yeah, that would open a FLOODGATE of recollections. 

Ennui decides to take over so Riley sarcastically tells the other girls how much she loves Get Up and Glow and passes off her original answer as a joke. We now jump back to Joy and the others who have been floating down the Stream of Consciousness but have to abandon ship when a huge chasm appears. They are told by a demolition worker that it's "a sar-chasm." Heh, I can only imagine how proud whoever came up with that in the writers' room was. You know the writers for this movie (and the first one) had a lot of fun with the word play (Train of Thought, Stream of Conscience, and later we'll get a Brain Storm). What I loved about the sar-chasm is that whatever Joy and the others yelled across the chasm to a couple of demolition workers, they heard it as sarcasm. When Joy calls over to them in a very sincere way, "We're lucky to run into you guys, we really need your help", they heard it in a very sarcastic tone and of course aren't happy about it and don't help them. 

Back in reality, Riley finds out they're having a scrimmage tomorrow and the girls tell her it could decide her fate of being on the team. The more I think of it, the less I like these girls. They sure do love to taunt Riley for no reason. 

While Anxiety and Envy are ensuring that Riley makes the team and maintains her friendships with the hockey girls, Embarrassment finds Sadness and she indicates for him to be quiet. (Lucky for her, he hardly talks.) She is looking at files and he helps her by finding the ones she needs. 

Now Joy and the others have entered Imagination Land (I believe that was also in the first movie...isn't that where Riley's dreams were produced?) only to find that Anxiety and Envy are using Rileys imagination against her. They have several workers there (I'm not sure what they were called) drawing different scenes of all the scenarios Anxiety has Riley thinking of that could happen during the scrimmage. These include things like what if she hits the puck in her own net or what if she misses a pass or what if the other team wins. Joy and the others quickly come up with more positive scenarios such as Riley wins and everyone hugs her. Okay, I'm going to let you in a little secret why I think it's better (and maybe that's not the right word) to be a pessimist than an optimist. When you think of all the worse scenarios and it happens, then at least you're prepared for it. However, when you're hoping for the best outcome or a good one, and it doesn't happen, it's even worse! But if you're expecting something bad to happen, but something good happen, it's the best scenario! In this case, if I were in Riley's shoes, I would totally be thinking of all the horrible things that could happen during a hockey scrimmage...the last thing I would be thinking is that I would win and everyone would hug me. But like I said earlier, I'm pretty much controlled by anxiety! 

Anxiety is being projected on a large screen and she and Joy have a back and forth:

Anxiety: "What if Riley is better than Val and then Val hates her?"

Joy: "What if Riley is better than Val and then Val respects her?"

Anxiety: "What if Riley is so bad she has to give up hockey forever?" 

Joy: "What if Riley does so well that the coach cries and the Olympics call and she rallies a weary nation to victory?"

Heh, even Disgust has to remind Joy that "reality is also a thing." 

So there's a very niche reference to a famous Apple commercial from 1984 that was only aired once. I only know about it because I learned about it in an economics class in high school....I think, I don't really remember how I learned about it honestly, but it's a pretty famous commercial. One of the Imagination Land illustrations throws a chair at the screen with Anxiety's face and as soon as I saw that I knew they were parodying that 1984 Apple commercial. Yeah, I felt pretty smug about knowing that. I won't lie. Go Google it. Another reference that I caught was one from Network when Anger tells the Imagination Land workers, "You don't have to take it anymore!" I've never seen Network but even I know the "I'm mad as hell and I don't have to take it anymore!" line from Peter Finch (I did have to look up the name of the actor). 

Now that Anxiety's plans have been foiled, she wakes a sleeping Riley to make her consider sneaking into the coach's office to read the notebook to see what was written about her. Over a walkie-talkie (Riley's mind truly is a complex place), Sadness warns Joy and the others what Riley is up to and Joy tells her she has to stop her. Apparently Coach Roberts doesn't keep her office door locked. I sure hope she does't keep anything valuable in her office! And it's not like she keeps her notebook locked in a desk, no, it's just sitting on her desk just asking to be read. I'm guessing it's really early in the morning (or maybe late at night?) because right before she enters the office, she hears a janitor down the hall and quickly slips into the office and slides down to the floor and locks the door so the janitor can't get in (or see her when he uses a flashlight to peer in the room). 

Riley picks up the notebook. Sadness has control over her and she starts crying until Anxiety takes over and Riley wipes away her tears and determinedly opens the notebook. All she sees written under her name is "not ready yet." I'm sorry, but that's all that was written? What are the reasons she's not ready? Some coach! You'd think she'd have a list of things Riley needs to improve on. But maybe that's for the best because I'm sure that would have wrecked Riley even more had there been specifics. 

Anxiety and Envy are freaking out and Anxiety says they're going to have "to change Coach's mind" and all they need are "lots of idea." Cut to the other Emotions who are getting pelted with little colorful pellets. It is, of course, a "brain storm". Joy catches a few of them and some of the ideas include "hog the puck" and "trash talk the other team." I don't know how much the latter would help Riley make the team. If anything, you would probably be called out for bad sportsmanship. Anxiety and Envy realize the ideas are too small and they need to come up with a "big idea" (which is in the shape of a lightbulb that gets screwed into the console). Since Val made two goals at the scrimmage that made her a Fire Hawk, Riley's idea is to score three goals. 

At this point, Joy and the others have reached the Back of the Mind to retrieve Riley's old Sense of Self which is sitting on top of a giant heap of bad memories that Joy has previously sent there. Riley's new Sense of Self now has a new mantra, "I'm not good enough" and this alarms Anxiety, but she spins it as Riley knows there's "always room for self-improvement." 

The only way for the original Emotions to get back to Headquarters has diminished and Joy admits to the others that she "doesn't know how to stop Anxiety." (Who does, am I right?) In the end, they summon their good friend Pouchy who's carrying a bunch of dynamite and they use that to blow up the cliff so they can "ride an avalanche of bad memories back to Headquarters." I couldn't help notice that some of the bad memories were yellow which would indicate joy. All the other colors/emotions I can see being part of a bad memory, but shouldn't there be no yellow in that pile of bad memories? 

While playing the scrimmage, Riley makes her first score even though one of her teammates was open and told her to pass it. She continues to play erratically, stealing the puck from one of her teammates and makes another goal. She's happy, but her teammates aren't. She makes her third goal, but at the result of slamming into another player (who happens to be Grace) who goes flying cross the ice. The coach puts Riley in the penalty box for two minutes. She appears to be having a full-blown panic attack (as we see Anxiety furiously controlling the console and Envy tells her she's putting too much pressure on Riley). 

The other Emotions have returned and Joy tells Anxiety that she can't choose who Riley is and that she needs to let her go. In the end, Riley's Sense of Self is a mixture of the old ("I'm a good person") with the new ("I'm not good enough"). Riley, like everyone else, is a complex person and her Emotions love her just the way she is. Riley apologizes to her friends and feels much better as Joy takes over and she is able to have fun playing hockey. (And in the end, she does make the Fire Hawks. At least, it's implied that she does.)

Like I mentioned earlier, Inside Out is my second favorite Pixar movie, so of course I was delighted when I found out there would be a sequel. I thought this movie was solid, but nowhere near as good as the first one. While I did cry during this movie, I was bawling during the first one. I also though the stakes were much higher for Riley in the first movie when she moved from Minnesota to San Franscisco. Yeah, having your close friends go to a different school would suck, but she's still going to be able to see them. In the first movie, she moved from Minnesota to San Fransisco. Her parents (voiced by Diane Lane and Kyle MacLachlan) aren't in this one as much as the first one. I did forget to mention a fun side character, Nostalgia (voice by June Squib) who is this adorable granny-looking character who likes to reminisce about the past and the other Emotions have to remind her Riley's not quite ready for her. (She is only 13, after all...does anyone really have nostalgia when they're 13? Well, maybe she has nostalgia for the days when she watched Bloofy!)

Merry Christmas From the Family

The Family Stone

Director: Thomas Bezucha

Cast: Sarah Jessica Parker, Diane Keaton, Rachel McAdams, Luke Wilson, Dermot Mulroney, Claire Dane, Craig T. Nelson, Elizabeth Reaser

Released: December 16, 2005

Viewed in theaters: December 21, 2005

This film, set at Christmas, is about a woman meeting her boyfriend's family for the first time. Now I had seen this before, but hadn't seen it since I saw it in theaters so I didn't remember too much about it. When the opening credits start, Claire Danes is the first name to appear and I was thinking, I don't remember Claire Danes being the main character. Well, she's not. As soon as the next two names popped up, I realized that the names were appearing in alphabetical order which makes sense since it's an ensemble film. If anything, Claire Danes' character is probably the one person you could take out of the movie and she doesn't even appear until later (although her hair looks absolutely fantastic). 

Meredith Morton (Sarah Jessica Parker) and Everett Stone (Dermot Mulroney) both have successful business jobs in Manhattan and met last summer in Hong Kong and have been dating ever since. Everett is taking her to his folks' home in some idyllic, charming, snowy town in Massachusetts for Christmas so she can meet his family for the first time. Now if it were just his parents, Sybil and Kelly (Diane Keaton and Craig T. Nelson), that would be one thing, but no, she'll be meeting his entire family which will consists of eight people. Meeting my significant other's extended family for the the first time on Christmas would be my absolute nightmare and I do feel for Meredith because she's not exactly the kind of person who makes friends easily and has everyone fall in love with her. I am a little surprised she agreed to meet his entire family for Christmas. Besides his parents, here is who else she will be meeting: 

-Amy (Rachel McAdams), Everett's youngest sibling. There are five Stone siblings and Everett is the oldest. Even though she will come around in the end, Amy does some things that make her quiet unlikeable. I was listening to a podcast about this movie and one of the hosts joked that Rachel McAdams wanted to play a character even more despicable than Regina George.

-Susannah (Elizabeth Reaser; this was before she had her arc on Grey's Anatomy and was in the Twilight movies) is the middle child of the Stone siblings. She's probably the only one who doesn't cause any drama and just seems to be there. She is pregnant and has a daughter. Her husband won't show up until late on Christmas, so not until the very end of the movie. I can't remember if they even tell us why he's showing up so late, but I'm guessing they didn't want to add another character with so many already. I just don't know the reason within the confines of the movie. According to Wikipedia, Susannah lives in Chicago, but I also don't remember that being mentioned.

-Elizabeth, Susannah's daughter and the only kid at this family Christmas. I guess they wanted to throw in at least one kid! She's probably eight or nine.

-Thaddeus, or Thad as his family calls him, is the second youngest Stone. He is deaf and his family communicates with him through sign language, but he can also read lips and it seems like he can hear a little bit. 

-Patrick, Thad's partner. Yep, Thad is also gay. And Patrick is black, so they put all the diversity into these two characters. These two might be the smartest in the movie because they're the only ones staying at an inn. This family is kind of a lot so that might explain why Susannah's husband doesn't show up until the last minute and I don't know how long Thad and Patrick have been together, but Patrick probably was the one who told Thad they would be staying at an inn whenever they visited. Smart move. 

-Ben (Luke Wilson) is the second oldest Stone. He's the last to arrive (not counting Susannah's husband and I just realized I don't even know his name) and he's very chill. Let's just say he lives up to his surname. He lives in San Francisco where he works as a film editor. 

Everyone is at the house (besides Ben) before Everett and Meredith arrive. Amy is the only one who's already met Meredith and she tells her family she hates her and how "phony" and "uptight" she is. Apparently she took her out to dinner at a fancy restaurant and talked the entire time. She tells them about how when she's nervous she has this nervous tic where she clears her throat several times. Before this scene, while in the car on the way to the house, Meredith had been clearing her throat.

While I don't think she's a bad person, Meredith comes off as cold and aloof. Look, I know not everybody has a bubbly personality and doesn't always make the best first impression; I count myself as one of those people, but Meredith is not impressing any of her boyfriend's family members as they're all watching from the window as Kelly goes out to greet them. Everett gets out of the car first and Meredith waits for him to go around the car and open the door for her. Good Lord, you're a successful businesswoman, open your own damn door! But I think this is the first moment showing that Meredith is a bit on the old-fashioned side. Then, as if that's not awkward enough, Kelly tries to embrace both of them, she ducks out of the hug and shakes his hand instead. I can kind of side her with this; I don't like hugging people I just met either, but the way she gets out of the hug just makes it worse.

When she and Everett are unpacking in one of the bedrooms, she tells him she doesn't want to be sleeping in the same bed as him in his parents' house. Obviously they don't care since they're the ones who gave them that bedroom. It would be one thing if there were plenty of bedrooms, but with all those people in the house, all the bedrooms are taken. She is given the bedroom in the attic which was supposed to be Amy's room and now she (Amy) will have to sleep on the couch. She's not very happy and I don't blame her; I would be pretty ticked off too, especially since Meredith already had a perfectly fine bedroom to sleep in. I think when you're meeting your boyfriend's family for the first time, it's just best to go with the flow and not make any waves. 

Her sister calls her and she talks to her in private, telling her that everyone hates her and how she's "being herself." Heh, I'm guessing her sister knows everyone hates her because she was "being herself". 

Elizabeth, the young girl, had commented on how much she liked Meredith's shoes earlier and before Meredith's sister called, she, Sybil, and Amy had been helping Meredith get her room ready, but left when Meredith took the call. Elizabeth had taken a pair of shoes and when Meredith goes down to the kitchen, she sees she had broken off one of the heels. Now this is when Susannah (who had Elizabeth in her lap, so she clearly saw what happened) should have offered to replace them (actually, she should have told her daughter not to touch them in the first place!), but instead she just says they can glue the heel back on, but Meredith just takes the shoes and goes to take them back upstairs. By this time Ben has arrived and tells her not to "diddy-daddle" because they're "all going to be down here talking about you." Even though he's joking, this makes her super uncomfortable and self-conscious. 

After dinner, while Sybil is doing dishes, Everett comes into the kitchen and tells her he wants to ask her something. She knows what he wants to ask her and tells him, "now is not the time." 

They play charades and it's quite clear nobody in this group has ever played charades before because they're not doing it right! No, I get that the only reason they play it like this is for the plot of the movie. So when you normally play charades, you divide up into teams (usually two or more, depending on how many people) and the person who's "it", takes a card, looks at it and acts out whatever is on the card. Nobody knows what the card says except whoever's acting it out. At least that's the way I've always known how it's supposed to be played! Here, there don't seem to be any teams, which, okay, fine, they're all trying to guess. I don't have a problem with that. What I do have a problem with is that Amy is giving people cards to act out. When it's Meredith's turn (and she doesn't want to play, but they insist), Amy shuffles through the card and gives her one to act. THIS IS NOT HOW YOU PLAY CHARADES! What's the fun of that, anyway? She can't even play! She does try to "guess", but someone points out she can't participate because she already knows the answer. These people are perfectly capable of picking out their own cards and acting out what it says on them so EVERYBODY can participate! It's just so contrived and it irritates me so much! They only have it this way because it needs to be part of the plot that Amy purposely gives Meredith the card she chose for her. So here's what happens: after shuffling through the cards (instead of just taking the one on top), she gives Meredith the card she (Amy) wants her to act out. The card is a movie title, "The Bride Wore Black" (which I've never heard of; it's from 1969). Meredith is able to get "bride" from the audience, but is having more difficulty with the other two words (I'm not counting "the"). At the fourth word, black, she looks frustrated (how would you act out a color?) and Patrick tells her "it's okay" and tries to be supportive and Meredith subtly points at him by acknowledging what he's saying. May I remind you that Patrick is the black boyfriend of Thad. Well, Amy sees this and immediately jumps on Meredith, telling her, "I can't believe you're pointing at him." This is the reason why they needed Amy to know what the clue was. To accuse her of pointing at the black guy in the room when the clue has the word "black" in it; otherwise, she probably would have just thought she was poinitng at Thad for what he was telling Meredith. If I were Thad, I'd be pretty ticked with Amy for even choosing that clue and he is once they find out what the clue was (after Meredith gets upset and runs out of the room). 

Later, when Sybil and Kelly are getting ready for bed, we find out what Everett wanted to ask her earlier when she tells her husband that she knows Everett wants to ask for her mother's wedding ring to propose to Meredith. Get it? It's called The Family Stone because Stone is the surname of the family AND the ring is a family heirloom, hence "the family stone." 

The next morning, Meredith wakes up before Everett (bad call wanting to sleep in a separate room; at least if she were still in the same room as him she would know he wasn't up yet!) and is downstairs in the kitchen with Sybil and Amy. Sybil tells Amy that they got a card from the Stevensons. We find out they have a son named Brad who Sybil reminds her daughter, "is still in town and still available." She then proceeds to tell Meredith that Amy lost her virginity to Brad. I'm not sure why she thinks that's any of Meredith's business! 

Sybil leaves the kitchen and Meredith apologizes to Amy for having to sleep on the couch and suggests they could take turns. That just seems very inconvenient. Amy just has a snide comeback for her and Meredith decides she's just going to get a room at the same inn where Thad and Patrick are staying at so Amy can have her room back. We find out she used having a bad back as an excuse, but nobody believes her. We also find out that her sister, Julie (Claire Danes), will be joining her, for moral support, I guess. 

Everett talks to his mom again about the ring and tells her, "This is the woman I'm going to marry." She clarifies, "We're talking about Meredith, right?", ha! He reminds her that she told him that when he met the woman he knew he was going to marry to come to her because she "wanted that woman to wear [Sybil's] mother's wedding ring." He wants to propose to Meredith tomorrow, which is Christmas. She simply tells him, "No" and when he tells her, "You promised," she replies, "Tough sh*t." 

Meredith has returned from checking in at the inn and is in the kitchen with Patrick when Sybil comes in and gets needlessly angry because somebody had taken the pot of coffee without making more and apparently it's a rule that whoever takes the last cup of coffee needs to make more. Well, the audience sees Meredith at the sink washing out the pot before Sybil does. Gee, Sybil, maybe not everybody knows your rule. Then Sybil gets pissed again when she sees all these ingredients are on her desk (which is in the kitchen) and Patrick tells her Meredith is making breakfast for them tomorrow. I feel like Patrick and Susannah have been the only nice ones to Meredith. I guess Kelly hasn't been too awful to her. And yes, I'm not including her own boyfriend in that list. Meredith tells her she's making strata because it's a family tradition for her and her sister. 

While Meredith and Patrick are working on the strata, Susannah comes in and asks them if they've seen her mom and Patrick tells her she's upstairs taking a nap. This is the first sign you know something might be wrong when Susannah lies next to her mother in bed and Sybil rolls over and asks her, "Who else knows?" We find out that she used to have cancer and it has come back. So now I can kind of forgive her for being little snappy towards Meredith. Ben knows about it and his dad confirms "it's not good" and that they only found out a couple weeks ago and she wanted to wait until after Christmas to tell them. It seems as though all the Stone children know about their mom except for Amy. When she sees Ben embracing their mom for a long time, she wants to know what's going on, but nobody answers her. 

Since Everett and Thad had to run errands in town, they're going to meet Julie at the bus station. It seems weird that her own sister isn't meeting her. I would understand if Julie had met Everett, but they've never met before. Again, this is done for the plot of the movie. We can't have Meredith there because Everett is going to...gasp....fall in love with Julie. The way it's framed when he first sees her, you know it's love at first sight. And this is the reason why we don't need Claire Danes in this movie. What is this, the dude version of While You Were Sleeping where he's in a relationship with one sister, but ends up falling for the other sister? 

She meets the rest of the family and they all love her, probably because she comes off natural and likable. When the sisters have a private moment, Sybil tells Kelly that Julie would be perfect for Ben. I have to feel bad for Meredith in that moment. So her sister is good enough for one of their sons, but she isn't good enough for their other son. 

They're having Christmas Eve dinner and chit-chatting. When everyone is done eating, Elizabeth asks to be excused, but the conversation continues. It's a good thing the young girl left because it's about to get ugly! Julie has found out Thad and Patrick want to adopt a baby and she asks them if they have a preference about the child's race. They tell her it doesn't matter to them; they're just excited to raise a child. Then Meredith decides to put in her two cents and asks them, "Do you believe in nature vs nurture?", telling them that studies have shown it's the environment that may be of the contributing factors that makes people gay. Kelly tells her they don't believe that, they think that people are born gay and Sybil makes a joke that she wanted all her sons to be gay so they would never leave her (which is a weird thing to say; not that she wanted them all to be gay, but that she thinks if they were, they would never leave...like, why?). Meredith says, "You didn't really hope for gay children, did you?" and it gets so quiet you can hear a pin drop. Oof, Meredith, why did you say that? I cringed so hard. She apologizes, but goes on to say, "I don't think any parent would hope for a child to be challenged like that. Yikes. She keeps putting her foot in her mouth as she keeps trying to explain herself instead of just dropping the subject until finally Kelly slams his hand on the table and yells, "That's enough!" and she excuses herself. 

Julie speaks up and tries to apologize for her sister, but Sybil interrupts her and throws a fork at Thad's plate to get his attention. He's looking down dejected. She signs to him that she loves him and that he is more normal than anyone else at this table. I get she's trying to make him feel better, but it feels like she's being a bit patronizing. I just get the feeling that he's the favorite child because he's gay AND deaf and she constantly has to remind him or something. Although she does think Everett is amazing, so he could be in her running for her favorite child. 

They hear the door slam and Everett's car starts and they realize it's Meredith. She crashes into some bushes. I'm not sure if it was because of the snow or she's just so distraught. Ben goes out to check on her and she's sobbing. He tells her to move over and drives her to O'Malley's, a nearby bar. I should have included Ben in the list of people who are nice to Meredith, but I don't know if I should count him because he's the type of person who's nice to everybody (remember he's always so chill!), plus you know there's a romance a-brewin' between those two, because, why not. Actually, this romance doesn't irk me as much as the way more contrived Everett/Julie romance. 

At the bar, Meredith unleashes all her pent up frustration to Ben about his family (mainly Amy). He tells her to "stop trying" and that she must be "exhausted." After getting a few drinks in her, she loosens up and dances to her favorite song, "Right Back Where We Started From" by Maxine Nightingale. Two guys who Ben knows come in and when he introduces one of them to Meredith as Brad Stevenson, she recognizes his name as the guy Amy lost her virginity to and invites him over for Christmas breakfast tomorrow.

Meanwhile, Everett wants to go looking for Meredith and Julie tells him she' coming with him. They check the inn first, but she's not there. They walk around downtown, talking and bonding. The movie is trying to show us they seem to have bonded on this deep, emotional level, ugh. When he takes her back to the inn he pretty much asks her out on a date, asking her if she wants to get some coffee. Like, dude, what are you doing? You're still dating her sister. They're just trying too hard to make them a couple. As Regina George would say, "Stop trying to make fetch happen; it's not going to happen!" 

The next morning Meredith wakes up and discovers she's in Ben's bed. He's in the en suit shower (is there more than one bedroom with en suit showers in this house?) so she's the only one in the bed when Kelly knocks on the door. He knocks a few times, freaking Meredith out because she doesn't know what to do. She's shuffling around and grabs her shirt from the night before (she's wearing a tank top and has the bedspread covering her). When he opens the door, he sees Meredith in the bed, clutching her shirt and looking away with her eyes squeezed shut. He seems just as embarrassed as her and quickly leaves. 

Everett is in the kitchen when Sybil tells him "Merry Christmas" and gives him the ring. Then, in one of the stupidest moments of the movie, Julie enters and Everett shows her the ring and wants her to try it on because he wants to see if "it will fit" even though she tells him her hands are bigger than Meredith's and Sybil points out it's bad luck. Yes, I would think putting an engagement ring that's intended for you girlfriend on her sister instead would be very bad luck (and very poor taste as well!), but obviously he wants Julie to try it on because she's the Morton sister he truly wants to marry, but dude, maybe break up with the other sister first. He puts the ring on Julie's finger and they're both so speechless because the ring is so beautiful! Surprise, surprise, when Julie tries to take the ring off, she can't because it's stuck. 

Meanwhile, Ben has come out of the shower in a towel and Meredith slaps him and says, "How dare you!" He tries to tell her something, but she's dressed and it looks like she's going to leave, but when she walks downstairs by the front door Everett sees her and demand to know where she's been and she tells him she just arrived. 

She hears Julie crying in the bathroom (yes, she's crying because she can't get the ring off) and goes in to check on her and asks her what's going on. Julie holds up her hand with the ring on it and tells her, "It's your wedding ring." Meredith is shocked because she had no idea Everett was planning to propose. When asked why she's wearing her wedding ring, Julie tells her he wanted to see it on her and Meredith has a very good question: "Why did he wants to see it on you?" (Maybe that's a better question to ask Everett!) Julie changes the subject by asking her sister where she was last night and Meredith tells her she can't tell her and looks guilty and Julie quickly figures out what she means. 

Get ready for some more drama! The door bell rings and Amy answers it to find Brad with flowers and a gift. When asked what he's doing there, he tells her that Meredith invited her. Everyone is now gathered in the living room and Amy pointedly tells Meredith, "You know Brad" and asks her to share with everyone how she knows him and Brad tells them they met at O'Malley's last night. Meredith quickly distracts everyone by handing out gifts to all the Stone siblings and Sybil and Kelly. They had all received the same framed photo of Sybil pregnant with Amy and this makes everyone start crying because they all know this will probably be Sybil's last Christmas. They're all very touched by the gift an Sybil tells Meredith, "You did good." 

Everett wants to talk to Meredith and thinking he's going to pop the question, she keeps brushing him off and when he keeps insisting to talk to her, she yells, "No, I will not marry you!" in front of everyone. She lowers her voices and tells him she can't marry him and he replies, "I didn't ask you." She then feels really stupid and tells everyone that this is what they all wanted, to see her humiliated and she goes on a tirade and ends up announcing to everyone she slept with Ben. Ben tells her they did not sleep together and she's had enough humiliation that she runs into the kitchen. Ben tells the others that he slept on the floor while Meredith slept in his bed. 

In the kitchen, Meredith has gotten the two pans of strata from the fridge when Sybil and Amy decide to check on her and when they open the swinging kitchen door it knocks into Meredith and the pans of strata (with all the milk and uncooked eggs) goes flying all over the floor. The women all start laughing and soon music from The Nutcracker starts playing as the Stone family continue to have their dysfunction family Christmas: the women are slipping and sliding on the floor as they try to clean the mess, Everett is chasing Ben around the house because he wants to know why Meredith would think she slept with him (even though Everett isn't into her anymore), and the table ends up falling over and all the food is ruined. 

The ring has finally slid off Julie's figures and she gives it to Elizabeth to give to Everett and tells her to say goodbye for her, but of course he goes running after her. 

The last scene of the movie is one year later when everyone has gathered at the house for Christmas again. This time Sybil is no longer with them, but I'm sure she's smiling down at them because now all her three single children have somebody: Ben is with Meredith, Everett is with Julie, and Amy and Brad are now together. Honestly, out of those three couples, Amy and Brad are the only ones who I think will be in it for the long haul. Ben and Meredith just don't make sense and Everett and Julie should have never happened. I feel like they just threw that in there because they didn't want Everett to be the only one without a partner, but they could have just said he met somebody and was bringing her. It's just too cute that the two sisters found love in the same family. 

Two and a Half Elves

Onward

Director: Dan Scanlon

Voice Talent: Tom Holland, Chris Pratt, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Octavia Spencer

Released: March 6, 2020

Oscar nominations:

Best Animated Picture (lost to Soul)

This movie is set in a parallel universe in a town called New Mushroomton and all the residents who live there are fairy tale creatures such as elves (like our main characters), ogres, fairies, goblins, wizards, and pretty much anything you would find in a Harry Potter novel/movie. In this world, magic was once used, but once electricity was invented, "over time, magic faded away." With magic, you have to learn spells and it takes a discipline to perform them correctly, while with electricity, you just flip a switch on and off, so it's much easier. A lot of these mythical creatures don't use their features anymore. We see a fairy board a plane and many other winged creatures just don't fly because they haven't "exercised their wings". Unicorns are treated as pests with matted, mangy fur who rummage in the trash or hide out in caves. 

The movie follows the two Lightfoot brothers, high-schooler Ian (voiced by Tom Holland) and his older brother, Barley (voiced by Chris Pratt). They are elves and their mother, Laurel (voiced by Julia Louis-Dreyfus), describes Ian as being afraid of everything and Barley as being afraid of nothing. This is a pretty apt description. Ian's and Barley's father died right before Ian was born, so he doesn't remember him at all and Barley only has about three vivid memories of him. Apparently, these elves don't share the immortality of the Rivendell elves because their father died of an undisclosed sickness. 

It is Ian's 16th birthday and he is wearing an old sweatshirt that his dad used to wear in college. This means a great deal to him since he never knew his dad and makes him feel closer to him. Unfortunately, Barley, who can be a bit of a clumsy oaf at times, ends up accidentally ripping the shoulder of the sweatshirt. Ian decides to skip breakfast at home and grab something at Burger Shire. One of my favorite jokes in the movie was the sign outside Burger Shire that read "Now serving 2nd breakfast." Okay, its been a minute since I've seen The Lord of the Rings trilogy and I can't remember which movie it was (the first one, I think), but I love it when Merry/Pippin asks, "What about second breakfast?" They eat second breakfast? That is hilarious! So, yes, I appreciated that joke. 

While Ian is waiting for his food, he meets an elf who knew Ian's father in college (his name was on his old sweatshirt that Ian was wearing) and he tells Ian his father was someone who people always noticed and was very bold, so basically the opposite of Ian. Ian is grateful that he's learned this new information about his dad and it inspires him to make a checklist titled "New Me." Earlier, his mother had told him that his birthday was a good start to try new things. On his list, he writes, "Speak up more", "Learn to drive", "Invite people to party", and "Be like Dad." 

We will see him attempt these as he attends his classes at New Mushroomton High School that day. In one of his classes, a huge ogre student (like, he's probably four times bigger than Ian) sits behind Ian, but he also putt his huge green sandal-wearing foot on Ian's chair which means Ian barely has any room to sit (good thing he's skinny!). Ian speaks up and asks the ogre if he would not put his foot on his seat, but the ogre just replies he needs to do so in order to keep the blood circulating to his brain. When Ian is taking his driver's lesson for the day, he gets too scared to merge and doesn't complete his driving task. I do love that the stop signs in this world say "Halt" in a fancy, Medieval-like font. 

So now he's zero for two on his list. At the end of the school day, he gets up the courage to invite a group of students (who seem to know him) to his party. It's super awkward the way he invites them because he's hemming and hawing and can't seem to spit the invitation out, but once they realize he's inviting them to a party, they agree to come. Ian suggests they take the bus to his house. It seems like Ian might actually get to check a box off his list, but here comes Barley driving erratically in his purple van he's named Guinevere with a unicorn painted on the side. In fact, the movie gets its name because Barley has covered the "D" on the gearshift and replaced it with a piece of tape that says "O", which he says is for Onward. When he sees that Ian has friend coming over, he tells his brother that he can take them all in his car. An embarrassed Ian quickly tells the others he just remembered his party was cancelled and scampers away, leaving them confused. 

Once he gets home, he strikes out all the things on the list. His mom can sense that he is blue, so she tells him she has a gift for him and Barley from their dad. She was told to give it to him once they were both over sixteen. Technically, Ian is not "over sixteen" as he just turned sixteen that day. That could be the reason things go a little haywire. But it's probably just a writer's mistake. 

Their gift looks to be rolled up, almost like a carpet. Once it's unrolled, they find a wooden staff. Barley think this means their dad was a wizard, but Laurel is quick to tell them he was an accountant, something I'm sure they both already knew. Ian finds a note where their dad tells them there was once magic, but it faded away and hopes there is magic still in them. He wrote down a Visitation Spell so his sons can perform it and he will be able to see who his sons grew up to be. The spell will bring their dad back "for one whole day." Along with the spell, he has also included the Phoenix Gem, which is very rare. (Makes you wonder where he found it, doesn't it? They never tell us). Barley places the gem in the staff and starts reciting the spell, but nothing happens. He keeps reciting it, but still nothing happens. 

 

A defeated and depressed Ian goes to his room. He has taken the staff with him and he decides to try the spell. This time the Phoenix Gem begins to light up. Barley hears the commotion and comes to is room. They both see feet and legs appear out of thin air, then the gem breaks and the spell is done and they're only left with the bottom half of their father. Yeah, it's super weird. The very top of the bottom half just has some glowing light emitting from it. And even though this pair of legs has no brain to tell it what to do, this half-body seems to be sentient. Sure, it can't see or hear, but it still seems to understand what's going on. For instance, in an earlier scene, we had learned that one of Barley's memories with his dad was playing the drums on his father's shoes. Sure, its' a bit odd, but, as you will see, it will come back in this scene when Barley does just that and his half-dad seems to understand it's him. So even though their dad doesn't have a brain, they do have a way of communicating with him. 

Barley tells Ian, "A person can only do magic if they have the gift" and he is thrilled that Ian "has the magic gift." My question is, why didn't thy have Ian try after all those failed attempts from Barley? I know, I know, it's for the plot of the movie. They need to get Laurel out of the house (she's picking up Ian's cake) for the next stage of the movie to happen. Ian may have the "magic gift", but he hasn't honed his skills. (Though to be fair, he is just a beginner. Like a literal beginner.) They need to perform the spell again before the twenty-four hour time limit is up to see all of their dad. They just need to find another Phoenix Gem, you know, that gem that is super rare and hard to find. No problem! (I still want to know where their dad found his Phoenix Gem.)

Barley is obsessed with this board game called Quest of Yore, which is like Dungeons and Dragons? I guess? IDK, I've never played D&D. It's a board game where you go on adventures and there are cards that correlate to actual things and people in the real world. (Well, their real world.) Barley's game has a card that gives stats about the Phoenix Gem which basically tells them to start at the place where all quests begin, The Manticore's Tavern, because the owner knows where to find anything they'll need. 

They leave a note for their mom which reads, "Be back with mind blowing surprise!!" and Ian creates a "top half" for their dad which includes a sweatshirt, puffer vest, gloves, and a "head" with sunglasses and a hat. They control him with a string wrapped around his waist and it's attached to a pulley thing where they can decide how much they need. (I don't know the right word, but you know what I'm talking about, hopefully.) It gave me Weekend at Bernie's vibes. 

While they drive to the Manticore's Tavern, Ian has created a new list of things he wants to do with his dad which includes "Play catch", "Take a walk", "Heart to Heart", "Laugh together," "Driving Lesson", and "Share my life with him." Even if he did have the allotted twenty-four hours with his dad, I still think he wouldn't have time to do all those things with him. It is a very sweet list, though. 

They reach the Manticore's Tavern which is one of those medieval-themed restaurants. The Manticore aka Corey (voiced by Octavia Spencer) is the manager. I have to admit, I had never heard of a Manticore before. It has a body of a lion, the (poisonous!) tail of a scorpion, and the head of a human. The drawings of this online looks super freaky....there's something uncanny about half-human, half-animal creatures. I don't like it! Luckily, for this character they give her a lion head (to match the rest of her body, except for the tail, of course) and they don't give her a weird elf or fairy head. This manticore also has wings and horns on her head (according to my research, a manticore can also have wings and/or be horned and she has both). When the brothers ask her about the Phoenix Gem, she just gives them a children's menu with puzzles and games on it. The main puzzle is a word scramble where you will uncover where the gem is. Barley asks if she has the real map and she points to it where it's hanging on a wall and he proceeds to take it down, but she tells him he can't take it. It just makes me laugh imagining someone walking into a restaurant and taking something off the wall...like, what are you doing? 

Ian gets up the courage to talk to her and that's when she realizes she's been living a lie and that her life is boring and she needs adventure. We will learn later that she hasn't exercised her wings in a long time so she never flies and has come to live a mundane life. She ends up roaring and starts a fire (oh did I mention that she breathes fire?). The map ends up burning and they are unable to save it (guess they don't have a spell for reversing fire damage). In the car, Barley had told Ian that he was gonna have to practice his magic before he cast the spell again. Ian had been practicing a spell where he's supposed to levitate objects (no, not Wingardium Leviosa, but rather Aloft Elevar), but no matter how many times he tries, nothing happened. But now is he able to save his father's legs by being crushed by a falling burning beam by performing the spell and this time it works. I guess when you're under pressure and you're trying to save something, you have more agency in your magical capabilities. Just a guess. Makes sense to me. 

The Lightfoots (Lightfeet?) make it safely back to the van. Even though the real map has burned, Barley had grabbed a children's menu. As he tells his brother, "On a quest, you have to use what you've got And this is what we've got." Luckily he grabbed a menu where the word scramble had already been solved by a child patron and the answer to where to find the Phoenix Gem was "Raven's Point." They look at their road map and it shows that location in the mountains. They won't be able to get there until the next morning, but Barley tells Ian that they will still have plenty of time with their dad. Eh, I don't know about that. 

Looking at the map, Ian tells Batley that the expressway should take them right there, but Barley thinks that's a little too obvious. He tells his little bro, "On a quest, the clear path is never the right one." Obviously, he's quoting from his favorite game. He thinks they should take "an ancient trail called the Path of Peril." The 'Path of Peril'? Are you kidding me? No, thanks. I'm with Ian: taking the expressway will be faster. That's why they call it the expressway. It seems like Barley just wants to have an adventure like his game and it's pretty obvious that we're going to find out Barley was right all along, but in the end, he agrees with Ian and takes the expressway. 

Meanwhile, Laurel had found the Phoenix Gem card lying on a table next to the note Barley had scribbled so she heads to the Manticore's Tavern which is now ablaze. She talks to Corey who tells her she told her sons about the gem, the map, and the curse, but then realizes she forgot to tell them about the curse. When giving her statement to a police officer, she says, "Last name Manticore, first name, The." This joke has been used many times, but it never fails to make me laugh. Laurel sees the smallest scratch on the Manticore and tells the cop she needs to give her first aid and when the cop turns his back, they both get in Laurel's car and she drives away. 

Corey tells Laurel about the curse and that if her sons take the gem, "the curse will rise up and assume the form of a mighty beast and battle [them]." Her enchanted sword, The Curse Crusher, is the only weapon "forged with the rarest metal can destroy it." Unfortunately, she sold it to a pawn shop because she "got in a little tax trouble a few years back" (heh), but at least she knows where to find it. 

Later, they will arrive at a strip mall where the pawn shop is located. Other shops in this area also include "Mystic Donuts", "Master Froyo", "Sir Snipz a Lot", and "Sword and the Scone." I'm sure the writers had a lot of fun with these! The proprietor of the pawn shop is a small female goblin voice by Tracey Ullman. She finds the sword and is willing to sell it to them for ten bucks, but then Corey (in a very stupid move) exclaims that it's made of rare metals and the only sword of its kind in all the land, so of course she ups the price to ten thousand dollars (or whatever currency they use). When Corey asks the goblin store owner if she knows who she is, the goblin replies, "Some kind of winged bear-snake lady?" and Corey corrects her: "Winged lion-scorpion lady!" 

We get a hilarious scene where Laurel starts explaining and pleading to the goblin why she needs the sword, but Corey just stings her in the neck and she falls down, "only temporarily paralyzed" as she explains to Laurel. They grab the sword and Laurel still pays her the original price, plus a little extra "for her troubles." 

I should mention that Laurel is dating a police officer named Colt Bronco who is a centaur. It's a great name for someone who is half horse, but it makes me squeamish that this elf has a romantic relationship with a centaur. It makes me think of when I was reading Harry Potter and we discovered that Hagrid's dad was a human and his mom was a giant (or was it the other way around?). It's like...how did they, uh, create Hagrid? I assume there was some magic involved there, but still. Eww, I don't want to think about that. There is a scene later on in the movie where it makes sense why they made Colt a centaur. 

Back on the quest, Ian begins to strike things off his list because he sadly knows they're not going to have time to do everything he wants to with his dad. The van starts sputtering and breaks down, so they pull over. Barley says they need gas. Even though the fuel gauge says it's full, Bartley tells Ian that doesn't work. Uh, that's not good. If your fuel gauge is always on full, your brain is always going to assume it's full and you'll never know when to fill it up unless you just make yourself do it at least once a week. They get out of the van and Barley gets a gas can out. At least he's smart enough to carry gas around with him in times like this, except for the fact that there are only a few drops left. Ian asks if there's any way they can fix the car by magic and Barley thinks he should try the Growth Spell. He thinks if they grow the can, the gas inside will grow with it. I agree with Ian when he says, "That's kind of a weird idea." 

Barley tells him the Growth Spell is a bit more advanced and he has to follow a magic decree: "It's a special rule that keeps the spell working right." This means he can't let anything distract him while he's performing the spell. He does the spell (with some "helpful" tips from Barley, but they end up distracting him) and the can remains the same size. There is a hilarious reveal where we hear Barley, in a squeaky voice exclaim, "It worked! The can is huge!" Then we see that Barley himself is tiny. I honestly don't know how that happened since Ian never pointed his wand anywhere near Barley, but he must have gotten mixed up with the spell when he was interfering. It doesn't take long before Barley realizes what happens and tells Ian there are consequences if he messes up a spell, but luckily the side effects will wear off eventually. 

They are able to find gas and Barley eventually becomes his normal size. While they were at the gas station, they come across this gang of pixies who are driving motorcycles (each motorcycle needs about ten pixies to control it since someone needs to push the gas pedal and someone needs to steer). These pixies may be little, but they are tough! If you look at them the wrong way, watch out! Little Barley gets in a fight with them (unintentional on his part, but they got super offended when he asked them why they just didn't use their wings and fly) and end up chasing the elves on the expressway. Of course, Barley is too small to drive, so Ian has to. With some help from Barley, he manages to merge onto the expressway and fight off the pesky pixies. During all this, Barley changes back to his regular self. They are pulled over for speeding and while their dad (their half dad?) stumbles out, looking like he's intoxicated, Barley confers with Ian and tells him to do a disguise spell and that he can disguise himself to be anyone he wants: "Disguising yourself is a lie, so you must tell the truth to get by." As long as he doesn't tell a lie, the spell will be fine. 

While the two police officers (voiced by Ali Wong and Lena Waithe) are about to take their dad to the station, Ian disguised as Colt Bronco comes out. Remember when I said there was a reason for Colt being a centaur? Well, this is it. While Ian is disguising as the front of Colt, Barley is behind him, crouched down, disguised as the back. I guess centaurs need two people to disguise them, like they're a Halloween costume or something? :::Shrug::: Okay, whatever. He starts out telling a lie when the other two officers told him they thought he was working the other end of town and he tells them he changed his mind. This makes "Colt's" ear change into Ian's elf ear. He tries to hide it by moving is neck and tells them he has a neck cramp which further complicates things by changing "Colt's" hand into Ian's original elf hand. Barley tells him he has to stop lying and to "answer every question with a question." I guess the cops can't hear Barley. Ian takes his advice and things start going more smoothly. That is, until one of the cops tells Colt that Laurel's eldest son is a screwup. "Colt" says he does't agree with her, but then one of his horse legs changes to Ian's skinny denim-clad leg, and of course Barley sees this so he knows his brother is lying and agrees with this harsh statement. This makes Ian become flustered and he starts lying more and rapidly starts changing back to his elf self. One cop just laughs it off, but the other is suspicious and calls dispatch to have her put through to Officer Bronco. 

There is awkward silence in the van as they continue their journey. Ian tells his brother he doesn't think he's a screwup and perhaps the magic got it wrong. Barley pulls over and tells Ian that he (Ian) doesn't think he (Barley) has any good ideas. Ian tries to deny this and when Barley tells him he thinks they should take the Path of Peril, Ian replies, "I think that would be good, normally..but this isn't a game. All that matters today is Dad." It's at that moment they notice their father's legs dancing in the back of the van to the music on the radio that was still turned on. Even though he can't hear the music, he "can feel the vibrations of the music." After some fun dancing with their dad, Ian finally agrees to take the Path of Peril. When Barley takes the turn onto a bumpy gravely road though a bunch of scary trees, the rear bumper with the license plate that says "Gwniver" falls off. Gee, I wonder if this will help somebody who's looking for them? Oh, yep, I was right. Here come Colt and he sees and recognizes the license plate so he follows the path. 

It's now the next morning and Barley and Ian have come to "the bottomless pit", this huge gap in the middle of nowhere. Barley almost drove right into it because he had turned to talk to Ian. It's like, look where you're going! Luckily Ian screamed at him to stop. As Ian is standing very, very close to the edge, Barley tells him, "Whatever falls in there, falls forever." Hmm, I'd be telling him to "back it up!" Their father's legs, who they don't have the leash around, starts walking and actually walks off the edge of the cliff and his sons catch him. Yikes! A bunch of pebbles fall instead. 

An ancient drawbridge is on the other side as well as the lever. I laughed when Barley says to look for a lever and Ian goes, "Found it!" and points to the other side of the gap. He tries to lift it with magic, but the magic doesn't reach it. Barley tells him he can't cast a levitation spell on something that far away because it only has a "15-meter enchanting radius." He suggests a "Trust Bridge" which will create a magical bridge he can walk on. The only catch is, the bridge is invisible! Barley informs him he won't know if the bridge if there util he steps on it! And if he "believes the bridge is there, then it's there." There's a lot of psychological persuasion going on here. You basically have to psych yourself up to believe you are walking on a bridge when there is nothing literally there! Ian does not feel confident about this plan and I don't blame him. Barley ties a rope around Ian's waist and the other end around a big rock, but tells Ian he doesn't need the rope because he believes he can use the magic without it. The first try, Ian steps off the ledge and immediately falls. Thank God he had the rope! I don't know if I'd want to try that again after experiencing that! After Barley pulls him back up, he points out that since Ian now knows the worst that can happen, there's nothing to be scared of. Although I would argue that the worst that could happen is if the rope untied and he kept falling indefinitely. I wonder if there's a spell to course correct that? 

Ian takes a deep breath and tries the spell again. This time he steps out onto nothing and the spell works. However, on his second step, he begins to fall, but Barley pulls him back up with the rope and reminds him to "believe with every step." Ian does this and he is able to make it halfway across...and that's when the rope unties from his back. All I could think was thank God the rope didn't untie when he first fell! I'm honestly surprised Ian didn't notice the rope wasn't still tied around him, but perhaps he was concentrating so hard on making himself believe he was walking on a bridge that he didn't even notice. Barley has this horrified expression on his face and he tells his brother to just keep going and look straight ahead, and not to look back. I think this would be good advice even if the rope was still tied to him. Ian exclaims, "This is amazing!" He asks Barley if he still has the rope and Barley says he does. Yes, good answer. And this is a perfect example of when it's alright to lie! 

Ian is so overconfident because he thinks he has the rope and the magic is working perfectly. He says how alive and amazing he feels and that he could stay out there all day and starts dancing. Not surprisingly, this is making Barley anxious and he reminds his little brother to keep moving and to remember they're there for their dad (did I just use they're, there, and their all in one fell swoop?) and to get as much time with him as possible. By this time, Ian is one step away from reaching the other side of the huge gap and says he's taking his last step for their dad. When he says that, he looks back and sees Barley holding the rope. This causes the magic to break and he starts falling. Very luckily, he is able to catch a protruding stone and pull himself up. Thank goodness he didn't look back earlier! His confidence drained, he lowers the drawbridge and Barley drives his van across. He notices a large stone raven atop the bridge and thinks that's significant since the clue said "Raven's Point." The raven is literally pointing with its beak towards the side of the gap where they just came from. From there, they can see another raven statue that's also pointing in that direction. Bailey thinks this will lead them to their gem. If I were Ian, I would be a little irked that I walked across that gap for nothing.

But before they can continue on, here comes Colt in his police car. (Yeah, he found the license plate hours after the brothers took the Path of Peril.) Barley explains to him what's going on and Colt tells them he's not going to let them upset their mother anymore and tells them to get in their car and he'll escort them home. Ian readily agrees and takes the keys from Barley and gets in the driver's seat with Barley in the passenger seat. I guess Colt didn't know about Ian's trepidation of driving because he doesn't question it. Once the brothers are in the van, Ian guns it before Colt is even back in his car. Colt immediately calls for backup. 

He keeps driving before they find themselves trapped on the side of a cliff. On one side, there's a steep drop and they're barricaded from the other side because cop cars are driving towards them. The backup Colt called for sure showed up quick! Barley tells Ian to do the "Arcane Lighting" spell, which is one of the harder spells but he thinks Ian is ready. He wants Ian to use his magic to dislodge two huge boulders that are up in the mountain and have them block the road. Ian tries this a couple times, but he is unsuccessful. The cops are getting closer, so Barley goes to another plan. He takes a big rock and puts it on the gas pedal and puts Guinevere in "O" and lets her drive towards the cop. What happens next seems a little too precise; like there's no way he would know that his plan would work: the van drives up a slanted rock and flies towards the big boulder and crashes into it, thus breaking the boulder an it falls to the ground to block the path like they had originally planned. Like, WTF? That is the luckiest thing to have happened. 

Now they are able to continue without any cop interference and they keep following the raven statues. They do this for awhile until they come to a raven statue where the beak is pointing towards the ground. Ian takes a little stone tablet that is inserted in the bird and it has a symbol etched into it that indicates water as well as an "X". They go into a cave where they follow a river. Barley thinks the gem will be where the river ends. Ian is (rightfully so) worried that the river could go on for miles. (I guess they don't have a map for where they are so they can't determine long long the river is). He checks his watch and we see they have a little over five hours before their dad will be completely gone forever. 

Barley suggests that Ian use a Velocity Spell to make them speed down the river really fast. There's not much to float on, but he's been eating Cheeto-like snacks, so Ian makes one of them bigger and they float on that. (Barley also occasionally munches on it, and, not gonna lie, I would probably do the same thing.) At one point, the boat doesn't seem to be going that fast, but this is when Ian and Barley are having a heart to heart when Barley is telling him about a memory with their dad he's never shared with Ian: when their dad was sick and hooked up to a bunch of tubes, Barley was supposed to say goodbye, but he was too scared to go in the room because their dad didn't look like himself. He tells Ian, "That's when I decided I was never gonna be scared ever again." 

They reach the point where the water stops and it's almost like they're in a video game where they have to dodge a bunch of traps. After all that, they come out out a manhole and are in their own town, right across the street from Ian's school. They're right back where they started. Ian is irate. He thinks the gem was in the mountains the whole time and points out they could have had it hours ago if they had just stayed on the expressway. Ian calls Barley a screwup and tells him he's screwed up his chance of meeting their dad. He walks away with their dad and tells Barley he's gonna "spend what little time [they] have left with [him]." Barley tells him they can still find the Phoenix Gem if they keep looking, but Ian is having none of it. He takes his dad to some rocks overlooking the water and takes out his checklist and crosses out "heart to heart" and "laugh together." He's about to cross out "driving lesson", but pauses and realizes he did have a driving lesson, only it was with Barley. He checks the box next to it. He then has an epiphany that he has shared many, if not all, of these items on his checklist with Barley. We see a flashback of them growing up together and Ian checks the box next to "share my life with him." Damnit, movie, stop making me cry! 

Meanwhile, Barley is at a fountain/statue across the street from the school. He has climbed on top of it and notices there's an insert that perfectly fits the stone tablet. He puts it in and the Phoenix Gem is revealed. He takes it and red smoke starts to appear and soon covers everything around the vicinity. The smoke goes into the school and starts ripping away the stones and bricks and other material that makes up the building. A dragon is formed, made out of all these materials. It uses the face of the dragon mascot painted on the side of the school. It's a little unsettling because the face of the dragon is smiling and looks like a friendly kids' show TV character, but it's also kinda funny. By this time, Ian and their dad have walked back towards Barley and he sees what's going on. The dragon starts chasing Barley as he runs and he throws the gem because he knows that's what the dragon wants, only it was a decoy - it was the headlight from his car.

By this time, Laurel shows up, wielding the sword and riding on the back of Corey, who's flying. (They got into a bit of a car accident and that's why they flew). She tells her sons that she'll take care of the dragon and they should go see their dad. And that's exactly what they do as Laurel and Corey try to weaken the dragon, which includes cutting off its wings. Ian starts to apologize to Barley, but he tells him there's no time and we see that the sun is about to set. The only problem is, while Laurel was trying to stab the core of the dragon (aka the heart), she got tossed off the dragon and it's now heading towards her sons. She yells to warn them and Barley tells Ian that he'll go distract it. When Ian tells him he'll miss seeing their Dad, he replies, "It's okay. Say hi to Dad for me." And this is what you think is going to happen. After all, it makes sense for Ian to be the one to meet their father since he never got that chance. But then Ian tells him he (Barley) should be the one to stay because he himself "had someone who looked out for [him]. Someone who pushed [him] to be more than [he] ever thought [he] could be. [He] never had a dad, but [he] always had [Barley]." Seriously, movie, STOP making me cry! Before Barley can even rely, he takes his staff and runs off towards the dragon. He pretty much uses all the spells he's learned and used in the past twenty-four hours to try to defeat the dragon. Unfortunately, he gets thrown back and his magical staff is thrown in the water. 

Meanwhile, their dad is still manifesting. This seems to be taking very long time. No wonder people didn't like using magic once electricity was discovered. It reminds me of when I used AOL back in the day and it took forever to log on. Ian is able to create a new wand from a splinter in his hand that he got from the old one. This time he is able to defeat the dragon and rocks fly everywhere and Ian is covered in a pile of rocks. He's okay, but he's a bit trapped so there's no time for him to get to his dad. All he can do is watch from a small crevice where he can see Barley and the back of his fully formed father. He is also able to see the sun is getting very close to setting. We are seeing this happen all through Ian's perspective. We can't hear what Barley and his dad saying, we just can tell that they're talking, then laughing, then his dad gives him a hug, and yep, once again, I'm crying. Thanks, Pixar. 

A moment later, Barley helps Ian up from the rocks and when Ian asks him what their dad said, he replies, "He said he's very proud of the person you grew up to. be" and Ian tells him he owes that to him (Barley). Barley also adds that their dad told hive to "give [him] this" and proceeds to hug Ian. My question is, did their father know why Ian couldn't be there? Did he know what was going on? I know he was there the entire time, but at the same time, he wasn't because he couldn't hear or see anything. But did he realize what the entire journey was about with just his legs? We see them talking a little, but I doubt Barley had enough time to explain and probably wanted to spend the precise time he did have with his dad not explaining things. Also, can't they just do this spell again or does it only one work once you use it on someone? OMG, does anyone remember remember that episode of Buffy where Dawn used a spell to bring Joyce back, but Buffy stops her right before Joyce comes to the door? You see her silhouette and it is the creepiest thing. Also, after I read Pet Semetary years ago, I could not let my cat sleep in my bed for a week because I was so freaked out by the cat that came back from the dead in that book. Yeah, not a fan of bringing things back from the dead! But at least in this movie, it wasn't creepy. 

So the brothers became closer than they ever were before and everyone is happy. It makes me wonder if this is the brother version of Frozen? Barley now has a new van he's fixed up and Ian can make it fly and the movie ends with the two of them flying down the neighborhood. I was half expecting for one of them to say, "Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads!" I mean, this was literally the same ending to Back to the Future!