Always a Bridesmaid

27 Dresses

Director: Anne Fletcher

Cast: Katherine Heigl, James Marsden, Malin Akerman, Edward Burns, Judy Greer 

Released: January 18, 2008

Viewed in theaters: January 24, 2008

This movie sort of reminded me of a weird agglomeration of My Best Friend's Wedding and Runaway Bride. The former because our main character, Jane (Katherine Heigl), has to watch her sister get prepared to marry the man that she (that would be Jane) has been in love with for years and she even tries to sabotage the engagement at one point and the latter because there's a newspaper story angle to this story.

Jane absolutely loves everything about weddings. She loves being there for her friends and helping them prepare for their big day. Uh, why isn't she a wedding planner? This is literally what she was put on this earth to do, but instead she works at some company called Urban Everest that sells outdoor stuff? I'm not sure. She's the assistant for the company's boss, George (Edward Burns), who she's in love with, but he only sees her as a devoted employee and a good friend.  

The beginning of the movie starts with Jane being a bridesmaid at TWO wedding in the same night, so she's taking a taxi back and forth from Manhattan to Brooklyn all night. Good Lord, when Robin Williams had to pretend to be Mrs. Doubtfire to celebrate a birthday (?...I don't remember) with his family and also be his character for a job interview with that one guy, at least he chose the same restaurant! Well, I don't think he chose it, but he just got lucky that both events were at the same restaurant. Anyway, this girl is crisscrossing across the city several times while changing her dress, shoes, and accessories each time. She hires a taxi for the night and offers the driver $300 for the night, but that seems very low, even for 2008 money. She knocks him down to $140 because he kept looking in his rearview mirror when she was in the backseat changing. While I'm sure he snuck looks when he wasn't supposed to, he is a taxi driver and does need to look in the rearview mirror to do his job. He would have made a lot more money by not being her chauffeur that night! 

At one of the weddings she's at, she catches the eye of a guest named Kevin (James Marsden) who notices that she's looking at her watch while she's standing besides the bride. Later, he will see her get in the cab and start changing.  

When she's back at the same wedding as Kevin, she gets knocked over when she's trying to catch the bouquet and another girl bumps into her and Jane hits her head on the floor. Kevin helps her and this is their "meet cute." He helps her to her cab and rides with her to her home. There's really no reason for him to ride with her except to advance the plot. Having a guy share a taxi with you to your home after you've just met him after hurting your head seems like a very idea but maybe that's just because I listen to too many true crime podcasts! After they introduce themselves to each other and Kevin mentions that he's a writer, he tells her that he saw her changing in the cab and knows she was at another wedding that night. She says two of her good friends happened to get married on the same day and she loves wedding. (She really must love weddings to have to go through all that! I think you just need to choose one wedding to attend and just buy an extra nice gift for the one you missed.) He asks her, "Which part? The forced merriment, the horrible music, or the bad food?" I'm going to hazard a guess that Kevin does not feel the same about weddings as Jane does! Obviously, Jane is not impressed with his disdain for weddings. 

After Jane is dropped off at her apartment and the taxi drives off with Kevin, he sees something on the floor and it's Jane's day planner. Actually, she'll refer to it as her FiloFax later on, a word I was not familiar with. I guess that's a brand name? I will say they do look pretty nice and I kind of want one now even though I would probably never use it! He's about to tell the driver to turn back, but changes his mind. 

At Jane's place, we get a quick glance of the coat closet that holds all of her bridesmaids dresses. Since there are so many of them and a few of them have pouffy skirts, it's almost impossible for her to shut the double doors. There are several hooks on the inside of the doors that hold purses and hats. Her idea of unwinding after a big day is sitting down and reading The New York Journal's "Commitments" section, which is articles about people getting married written by a Malcolm Doyle. The wedding-obsessed Jane loves reading about couples' upcoming nuptials and how they met. 

Well, guess what? The next day we see that Kevin works at The New York Journal. (Do you think it's a mix between The New York Times and The Wall Street Journal? Because if you do, you would be totally wrong.) He's Malcolm Doyle. He's the one that writes the romantic and heartfelt stories that Jane loves so much. I do appreciate that the movie doesn't make this some stupid "twist" for the audience to find out later; they tell you who he is in the scene after we see Jane reading that section of the paper. Now, she won't find out for awhile, but for now, the audience knows who he is. Kevin tells his boss he's got a great idea for a story and is hoping it will get him out of writing for the Commitments section because he hates it and wants to be writing "real" stories. His boss agrees and tells him he has one chance to write a story that will impress her. 

At Jane's job, she sees there are a basket of flowers on her desk with no note. She thinks they might be from George. Everyone she works with knows she has it bad for him. Everyone but George that is. 

One of Jane's co-workers/friends, Casey, is played by Judy Greer, and I admit, when I first saw her, I immediately recognized her but I couldn't think of her name! I did eventually remember it a few minutes later, but it made me think of this commercial she was in about a year ago, you know the one where she goes, "What is my name?" I'm sorry that I almost forgot your name, Judy Greer!

Jane's beautiful younger sister, Tess (Malin Ackerman), comes to visit. She's been living in Italy for the past six months where she designs handbags...I think? I'm not sure. All I know she's involved in the fashion industry because she mentions that "the fall fashion shows are done." She's staying with Jane and calls her apartment "tiny and cute" and there's no way that apartment would be considered "tiny" for NYC! 

One of Jane's co-workers (played by Krysten Ritter) is having an engagement party and Jane invites her sister (oh, she's going to regret that), but Tess tells her she's meeting friends, but she might show up later. 

At the party, George asks Jane if she got "that thing" he left on her desk that morning and she gets excited, thinking he's talking about the flowers, but later, she'll realize he was referring to a dry cleaning slip he left on her desk. Ouch. To make matters worse, her beautiful sister with her beautiful blonde hair (damn that Malin Ackerman and her Swedish-born beauty!) comes sauntering in the room in a beautiful dress and catches the eye of George. These guys hit it off fast and I mean fast. Jane sees it happening right in front of her and she is devastated, but she doesn't let it show. It gets even worse when Kevin shows up (since he had her FiloFax, he knew about the engagement party) and asks Jane if she got the flowers. Yeah, I knew they were from him. He returns her FiloFax to her. 

Tess and George go out for drinks and Jane starts cleaning her kitchen at three in the morning because her sister still isn't back yet. When Tess comes back, she barely even notices that her sister is cleaning at an ungodly hour and instead asks her if she thinks it's weird that she went out with her boss and Jane says no even though the way she's acting, she's obviously not okay with it. But her sister is oblivious (her head is in the clouds) and tells her she and George are having lunch tomorrow.

Tess wants to know all about George, so Jane tells her that he dropped out of college and "climbed every peak in the world" which makes sense since he "would rather spend all his time outside than anywhere else." He started his business, Urban Everest, from his apartment and turned it into "one of the most eco-friendly, philanthropic businesses in the world." I still have no idea what exactly the business sells or does, but I'm going to say it sells outdoor camping equipment. He also has a dog that he loves more than anything and doesn't eat red meat. Tess is all dreamy, commenting about how he sounds amazing, but Jane is quick to point out that he also has flaws and cites him hating cashews as one. The hell? How is that a flaw? Another "flaw" is that he doesn't wear socks with sneakers, which is a bit odd, but again, who cares. Tess even points out that those aren't flaws.

They have breakfast with their dad the next morning (I should mention their mother died when they were both younger) and he asks Tess how long she's in town. Jane confirms with her that it's only two weeks, but Tess says "It depends on how a few things pan out." This has Jane a little freaked out and at work, she's in a very bad mood because Tess is also there, flirting with George (who called her that morning) and when Jane flips through her FiloFax, she is annoyed that Kevin has written his name and number in several pages of it. 

George has a "little brother" who he's a Big Brother for named Pedro, who's probably eleven or twelve. When he introduces him to Tess, she says "Hola, Pedro" in a really loud voce even though he literally just spoke English seconds before. George tells Jane that he and Tess are taking Pedro to his baseball game and invites her to join them. She refuses at first, but he insists that she join them, joking that her boss is a jerk.  

At the concession stand, George orders some Cokes and fries and asks them if they want anything else. Jane says she wants a chili dog and asks Tess if she wants one too. Tess says no, replying that she's recently become a vegetarian (probably when she found out George was one!). Of course, this prompts George to tell her that he's a vegetarian too. Tess tells him that every time she goes hiking, she brings her own "homemade tofurky jerky". While all this is going on, Jane is making a WTF face. Probably because she knows her sister isn't a vegetarian and doesn't like the outdoors. George tells her that she doesn't seem like "the kind of girl that hits the trails" and I get it because she wears heels and always has her hair and make up done and is usually wearing outfits that aren't exactly for the great outdoors. She tells him that she loves "all the outdoorsy type of stuff" and I laughed when when she said "like hiking and biking and climbing...up things." 

We next get a montage of George and Tess getting closer and Jane having to witness all of it. One evening, before leaving work, Jane notices that George forgot his wallet (it's on his desk under a bunch of papers) and she looks at his schedule and sees he's at a restaurant. She takes a taxi there and when she walks in, there are roses on a table and two waiters lift up a sign that says, "Will you marry me?" George comes out and tells them to put the sign down because "she's not the one." Ouch! Then Tess walks in at that moment and the sign goes back up and George's dog comes out with the ring box around its neck and George starts to propose. Jane is trying to get the hell out of there (I don't blame her!), but a band comes out and starts playing and they're blocking her path. It's all so awkward. Even if Jane didn't have feelings for George, it would still be incredibly awkward as she's sort of unwillingly becomes part of this proposal. You would think George would thank her for bringing his wallet, then wait for her to leave before he started his proposal to Tess. The restaurant appears to be empty, so he must have rented it out for the evening. 

Things start happening pretty fast. Tess tells Jane that Malcolm Doyle (and we all know who he really is!) wants to do a Commitments column on her and George. We also find out they're getting married in three weeks! This seems insane because that's probably the amount of time they've known each other, if that! This is because Tess wants to get married at the Boathouse in Central Park because that's where her and Jane's parents got married. She had called several times and there was no availability for eighteen months, but the ninth time she called, she got lucky because there was a cancellation hence the reason the wedding is in three weeks. 

While Jane is with the newly engaged couple to order a cake at a bakery, Kevin comes in and Jane asks what he's doing there. He introduces himself to the couple as Malcolm Doyle and Jane is surprised (but not the audience!). She is super mortified when Tess introduces her (Jane) to Malcolm and tells him she's "obsessed" with his stories and that she's his "number one fan". When asked why he said his name was Kevin, he tells her that is his name and he uses Malcolm for the byline so he doesn't "get stalked by the crazy brides." Jane is not happy because he's been lying to her this whole time. She takes him aside to tell him this; he replies that he told her he was a writer but didn't tell her what he wrote. Jane doesn't understand because he writes "the most beautiful things." She asks him, "Do you actually believe in love and marriage and just pretend to be a cynic, or are you actually a cynic who knows how to spin romantic crap for girls like me." He tells it's the latter which probably just enrages her even more! 

Later, Kevin comes over to Jane's place and tells her he has to interview the friends and family of the engaged couple. (You would think he would call to make this appointment or ask her to set up a time for an interview when he saw her at the bakery.) Jane isn't too thrilled to talk to him, but agrees to do it for her sister. When he asks how she feels about Tess's "whirlwind romance", she tells him she couldn't be happier. 

It doesn't take long before he sees the closet full of her bridesmaid dresses. (Well, it's not that hard since the doors won't stay shut!) He is flabbergasted that she kept them all and when asked why (something I'm sure every viewer was wondering), she replies, "I have a lot of friends and I like to keep them." WTF? This makes no sense. I'm sure she has pictures of her in these dresses next to the bride; isn't that enough for her? Why is she keeping all these dresses (many she'll never wear again) in a pretty good-sized closet where she could keep other, more practical things like coats and shoes and boots and umbrellas and cold-weather gear. Hell, she could even keep a vacuum in there if she wanted! Why not give them to a consignment shop? That's what my mom did after I wore the dress the one time I was a bridesmaid. Holding on to all of these dresses is just weird and unhealthy and does Jane have a therapist? Because maybe she needs one. Now, if she had been a bridesmaid only once, maybe twice, even three times, I wouldn't really blink about her keeping her dresses, but twenty-seven? TWENTY F***ING SEVEN dresses? The hell? (Well, technically I guess it's 26 because the 27th will come in play later.)

Kevin sarcastically tells her it makes sense she would want to keep all of them because they're so beautiful. She replies that they're not that bad and he wants to see one that's "not that bad". She picks out an olive green dress which he thinks the color is "vomit". She says the bride told her it would look good on anyone and into his recorder (in front of her, no less!), he states that she's "slightly delusional and will believe anything anybody tells her." She tells him she's going to show him he's wrong and goes to her bridegroom to change into the dress.

While she's gone, he snaps a few photos of all the dresses in the closet and takes one of her when she comes back. He admit the dress itself isn't that bad, but thinks the color is still awful. 

Guess what happens next? Of course it's a montage of Jane in all the dresses! At first, I was going to do something insane and count all the dresses to see if there were indeed twenty-seven (or twenty-six) and I was even going to take notes on some of the dresses, but then I realized, I bet someone already did that for me. And I was right. Some dresses are worse than others and some are just god awful. They must have had Katherine Heigl try on all the dresses and take pictures of her in them because you see Kevin going through his camera and see all the pictures of her in the different dresses. We also see some flashbacks of her at the weddings, mostly theme weddings like where she's riding a horse in a cowgirl getup or underwater in scuba gear. Who the hell gets married underwater? I mean, besides a mermaid? 

Jane has a lot of fun trying on all the dresses. She tells Kevin she doesn't mind wearing the dresses because she knows it means a lot to the bride and she wants to make her friends happy and she knows when it's her big day, they'll be there for her too. Hmm, could this be foreshadowing? (Yes, it totally is.)

Kevin's boss asks him how his article is going and he tells her he's still working on it. She reads what he has so far and likes it and wants to run it next Sunday on the front page of the section. He wants to hold it a week because he's not quite done with it and tells his boss that Jane is more than "a perpetual bridesmaid" and that "there's a lot more to her than that." He asks for another week and his boss agrees. 

A few things are revealed in the next couple of scenes. We find out that Kevin is cynical about marriage because he was once married and his wife left him for his college roommate. Actually, Jane randomly guesses that for the reason why he hates marriage and turns out she was right! We really don't get too much about this backstory. 

Also, Kevin finds out that Jane is in love with her sister's fiancé. Jane is meeting George to go over the menu and Kevin needs to talk to Jane about something and he finds out where she is, so he sees her chatting and laughing with George. I don't know if I would surmise that she's in love with him just because they're enjoying each other's company, but whatever, I guess they need it for the sake of the plot. Before Kevin had arrived and interrupted them, George was telling Jane how much he admires Tess because "she's not afraid to be herself" which we all know is a lie! You can tell Jane wants to tell him that everything Tess has told him is pretty much a lie (she's not a vegetarian, she's not a dog person, and she's not a girl who loves the outdoors!), but she just tells him that she's happy that he and Tess found each other. 

After Kevin shows up, he offers to go with Jane to pick up linens or something. George was supposed to go, but he's gotta meet his parents and yada, yada, yada, they movie just needs an excuse for Jane and Kevin to be in the same car together and that's how they got there. While they're driving, a heavy rainstorm has started. Kevin is goading her about George and tells her he knew she had a thing for her sister's fiancé "the second I saw you mooning over him over polenta." Jane denies this, but he keeps egging her on and she gets angry and soon the car runs off the road and spins around and falls into a muddy ditch by a tree. They're unharmed but there's no way they'll be able to get the car out of the ditch. Then end up at a karaoke bar where they have a drink (and maybe a few more) and start dancing on the bar while singing "Benny and the Jets." After they get down from the bar, Kevin admits to her that he "cried like a baby during the Keller wedding" and this makes Jane passionately kiss him. Earlier at the bar, while having their first drink, she was quizzing him on the articles he wrote about the couples he interviewed and he tells her he didn't remember that particular one. They end up making out, then return to the car where they have sex. Okay, ten bucks says he didn't cry at all during that wedding, but just told her because he knew it would score points with her. Yes, maybe I really just am that cynical! 

The next morning they grab breakfast at a diner while they wait for a tow truck to get the car. Some guy comes up to them and remembers them as "Benny and the Jets" from the night before. The waitress pours their coffee and tells Jane, "You're that girl." Jane thinks the's referring to the karaoke bar, but she's actually referring to seeing her in the paper as Kevin's article has come out one week earlier then he expected. Guess his boss didn't listen to him after all! It's a full page article with many pictures (if not all!) of Jane and her many bridesmaid dresses. The caption reads, "Always, Always, Always a Bridesmaid." Kevin tries to explain he told his editor not to run it and that nobody reads that section anyway. Jane is pissed and walks away, but not before slapping him. When she comes home, Tess is there and she's also read the article. She's furious because Kevin wrote, "If Jane is the prototypical accommodating bridesmaid, than her sister, Tess, is cast as the overbearing, overindulged bride-to-be, who at any moment one worries might start stomping around Manhattan, berating fire and swatting planes from the sky." Hmm, have we seen any evidence of this? Tess may be a bit high-maintenance, but I wouldn't compare her to a Bridezilla. 

Kevin tries to call Jane many times to apologize, but she won't answer his calls. Not only is Jane angry at him, but she's also angry at her sister when she finds out that, in a very Pretty in Pink move, she has cut up their mother's dress (which her father said she could wear) and used parts of it in her new, more modern dress. Jane is furious that she did that and goes off on her, telling her that she's going to have to tell George the truth about her. 

It just so happens that the couple's engagement party is that night and Jane had the responsibility of creating the slideshow. Tess had given her a script to read during it and wants to make sure that Jane reads it word for word and Jane promises her she will. Tess must think very highly of herself as this is the opening line she wrote for her sister to read: "Tess and George are a perfect couple. No, a divine couple. A couple whose love is the stuff of myths. Their compatibility is so exact that is can only be described as having been designed by the gods." 

Jane is true to her word and reads what Tess wrote to her, but she has picked photos of her sister that aren't the most flattering. Not that she doesn't look good in them, but while the photos of George show him volunteering at a soup kitchen or visiting the UN, the pictures of Tess are of her flirting with boys or wearing a bikini for a car wash or stuffing her face with barbecue ribs. 

Jane ends with the words Tess wrote for her to read: "And today Tess and George still share the same values. Their love is based on a deep understanding and acceptance of who the other person really is."

Things get worse when Casey tries to clear this awkward moment by shooing Jane away and inviting Pedro up to say a few words. He mentions how great George is as his Big Brother and how happy he is that George has Tess who he calls "really cool" because she's going to help him "start [his] own cleaning business." In an earlier scene, Jane had gone to George's apartment where her sister was staying. George was gone for the day and when Jane comes over, she hears a vacuum, and then sees Pedro vacuuming. Tess tells Jane that she's paying him to clean the apartment, but wants to keep it a secret. Guess Pedro was so excited about his new business that he couldn't keep his mouth shut! Boy, George was not happy about that! I think he (maybe) could have forgiven Tess for lying about being a vegetarian, but her exploiting Pedro like that definitely wasn't a good look. 

To no one's surprise, the wedding is off and when Tess tells this to Jane, she adds, "I hope you're happy." (For the record, she isn't, but let's be real, I bet she's a little relieved that her younger sister isn't marrying her boss). Jane goes outside, upset, and Kevin is there to apologize since she won't answer his calls. He apologizes and says he wanted to be there for her because he knew this night was gonna be rough for her and tells her he thinks she "deserves to be taken care of for a change." It's a sincere apology and he also gifts her with a Blackberry. He tells her it's "so [she] doesn't have to carry around the crazy FiloFax from 1987." Considering you can still buy FiloFaxes in 2024, I very much doubt hers is from '87! Also, maybe she preferred to carry it around and it's just easier for her to write things down then type it down. I get he meant well, but he shouldn't have just assumed she would have wanted a new phone.  

The sisters talk and Tess tells Jane that she stayed in New York because she was fired from her job (still not exactly sure what she did) and her Italian boyfriend dumped her. As she tells Jane, when she met George, he was nice to her and treated her well and she "wanted to be someone that he wanted"; she "was trying to be someone who deserved him, someone he could respect." She basically tells Jane she was trying to be her. 

Later that day, Jane gets a call from George who asks her to be his date to some benefit thing (since he no longer has a significant other in his life!) that really doesn't matter. This scene is just so she can apologize to him for what she did during the slide show. It's also so she can quit her job and confess that the only reason she stayed was because she was in love with him. They end up kissing (twice) and realize neither of them feels sparks for the other. Can you imagine kissing someone that you liked and they didn't feel anything for you? Ouch. But luckily, these two kids' feelings are mutual. I didn't like this scene. I get why Jane quits, but I don't know why we need to see them kiss. I guess this is just to show the audience that these two aren't meant for each other. Well, duh. It just seems so unnecessary when we know she's going to end up with Kevin, if anyone. 

Speaking of which...they get together and one year passes and the movie ends with their wedding. I've heard some people on podcast reviews of this movie complain that it doesn't make sense that the anti-marriage Kevin would want to get married. Well, he was burned by his first wife, but then he met Jane and his views on love and marriage changed. That's the story I'm going with anyway. 

The 27th dress is Jane's wedding dress. Remember when I said it was foreshadowing when Jane told Kevin that her friends would there for her big day just like she was there for theirs? Well, we see Tess and Casey as her bridesmaids in strapless pale yellow dresses, then the camera pans out and we see a line of women wearing all of her bridesmaid dresses. I assume they're all the brides of which the original bridesmaid dress was worn at their wedding and now Jane is getting back at them for making her wear these horrendous dresses  returning the favor and letting them be in her wedding. After they show Tess and Casey, we see Krysten Ritter and she's wearing the black goth dress with the spiky collar which is the dress Jane wore when she was a bridesmaid for her wedding. 

I am a little confused by a couple of things:

1. I Googled a still shot of this scene and counted the bridesmaid dresses. There are 27, not counting Tess's and Casey's. I thought Jane's wedding dress was supposed to be the 27th so shouldn't there only be 26 women modeling 26 dresses? I looked at two rankings of the 27 dresses and both of them had Jane's wedding dress as #1 so they're counting the wedding dress as one of the titular 27 dresses. I suppose if I took the time, I could look at the photo and see which dress wasn't part of the ranking, but, yeah, I'm not gonna do that. 

2. After Jane quits her job and before she reconciles with and starts dating Kevin, we see her clean out her closet and throw away her dresses! At least, I assume she threw them away because she's stuffed them into several trash bags. I guess she could have given them to a consignment shop, but I would think she would put them in garment bags if she did that. So if she threw them out, how did these women wear her dresses? Did they have to go out and buy a replica of them? Did she go digging through the trash? (I highly doubt that!) Or did the movie just forget that scene or just not care? 

Love Stories

Valentine's Day

Director: Garry Marshall

Cast: Ashton Kutcher, Jennifer Garner, Julia Roberts, Jamie Foxx, Anne Hathaway, Hector Elizondo, Shirley McClaine, and a million other people

Released: February 10, 2010

When I start watching a movie, the first thing I usually do is check to see how long it is and this one is a little over two hours. At first, I was surprised (and a little annoyed, ha!) because why would some romcom be over two hours long, but then I remembered that half of Hollywood is in this movie and there are a billion little storylines, so that quickly explained that. 

I feel like Garry Marshall watched Love, Actually (which would have come out 7 years prior) and wanted to do that except have it set in L.A on Valentine's Day. There's even a plot line that's sorta similar to one in Love, Actually, but I'll explain more when I get there. 

It's clear Garry picked up the phone to call many of his favorite people to work with: Julia Roberts from Pretty Woman and Runaway Bride, Anne Hathaway from The Princess Diaries, Hector Elizondo from pretty much everything he's directed, and Patrick Dempsey and Eric Dane from the one episode of Grey's Anatomy he directed. Just kidding. He never directed an episode of Grey's Anatomy, but I did have to double check to see if he did or not since two actors from that show are in this movie!  

As you can imagine, some of the storylines collide with each other. There are at least two, maybe three (hell, perhaps even four) storylines that could have easily been cut and it wouldn't have affected the movie at all, but I'll tell you about those later. 

It's Valentine's Day morning and Reed (Ashton Kutcher) has just proposed to his girlfriend, Morley (Jessica Alba) and she says yes. (By the way, I had to look up pretty much everyone's characters name because I only remembered a couple of their names in the movie!) Reed sells flowers and obviously this is a big day for his business and he's got his friend and co-worker, Alphonso (George Lopez) to help him on this big day. 

Reed is friends with Julia (Jennifer Garner) and she has recently started dating a cardiothoracic surgeon named Dr. Derek Sheperd, oops, I mean Dr. Harrison Copeland (Patrick Dempsey - actually, Dr. Shepard was a neurosurgeon, wasn't he?). Haha, I wonder if they call him Dr. McDreamy at his hospital? Julia is so in love with him and basically has hearts for eyes. Unfortunately, he can't spend the day with her because he has to go to San Francisco for something work related. Later, we'll see him call Julia from his car, telling her he's just gotten to the airport, but in actuality, he's pulling into the driveway of a nice house. My first thought was, OMG! He's married! and not five seconds later we see him take a ring out of his pocket and slide it onto his finger. What a jerk! 

Julia goes to see Reed and she's a little surprised that Morley said yes to his proposal, but is happy for him. When she tells him her new flame will be in San Francisco for the day (so she thinks!), he suggests that she go up there and surprise him. Boy, he's going to regret suggesting that when Dr. Copeland will stop by his flower shop in a few hours to buy two arrangement for his two ladies. Before he gives his credit card to Reed, he asks if he can be discreet about this. He agrees, but then when he recognizes his name on the card, he clarifies that Julia Fitzpatrick is his girlfriend and Pamela Copeland is his wife since she has the same last name as him. 

He's having a huge dilemma of whether he should tell Julia or not that her boyfriend is married. He asks Alphonso what he would do and Alphonso asks him what HE would do if the roles were reversed. Reed knows he needs to tell Julia and he tries to when he delivers the flowers from Harrison to her, but isn't able to. 

Unfortunately, Reed will get hit with his own dose of bad news when he comes home to find Morley packing a suitcase and tells him she is leaving him and can't marry him. I saw this coming a mile away because in an earlier scene he asks why she's not wearing her ring and she tells him she doesn't want people asking a bunch of questions since it's Valentine's Day and that they should keep their engagement secret for now. At the last minute, and I mean at the very last minute, he runs to the airport where Julia is waiting to board a plane. He tells her that Harrison is married, but she thinks this means he used to be married and is still being stubborn. 

We see that Julia did not get on the plane, but instead went to the hospital where Dr. Copeland works and asks a nurse if he's working tonight and she says no. She then asks if he's married and the woman confirms he is and he and his wife just celebrated their 15th wedding anniversary. An older nurse comes over to Julia and whispers to her what restaurant he'll be at tonight and what time. It just so happens that one of Julia's students' (she's an elementary school teacher) dad is a maitre'd at that restaurant (or maybe he owns the place, hell, I don't know), so she is able to pretend to be a waitress for Harrison and his wife. At first, he's not paying attention as he's looking at the menu and talking to his wife as Julia pours them water, but when she announces she'll be their waitress, he chokes on his water. She tells them one of their specials is called "the lying, stinking pig." The wife is not getting the clue and is amused by this special and asks how it's made and Julia goes into gruesome detail (and some fast thinking for being put on the spot; guess she got the training when she was a spy in the CIA, haha) about what the chef does to its scrotum and heart. The wife says she'll go with the salmon, but Harrison stutters that he's not hungry. Surely, the wife had some suspicion. Oh, well, I suppose if she did, she decided to wait until they got home before she went off on him. This scene reminded me of the one in Adventures in Baby-Sitting when Elisabeth Shue sees Bradley Whitford with some girl in a restaurant when he told her he couldn't go out because his sister was sick and when she goes in to confront him she overhears him say to the girl, "Girls like you only come around once in a lifetime" which is a line he told Chris (Elisabeth's character) and she's like, "Or twice in the same night." 

Julia thanks her student's dad and picks up some carry out she's taking to a party and tells him to charge it to her "friend over there." He says he figured and tells her he also added some extra lobster tails and cheesecake, heh.

So now Reed's (one day) fiancee has left him and Julia's boyfriend is married. Guess who gets together? They find out they were meant for each other all along! How sweet! Okay, so that wraps up their storylines (for the most part), who's next? 

Like I said, Julia is an elementary school teacher (fourth or fifth grade) and one of her students is a boy named Edison. His grandparents are Edgar (Hector Elizondo) and Estelle (Shirley McClain). This is the storyline that (sort of) reminded me of Love, Actually when Liam Neeson's son tells him he's in love with a girl in his class. Edison tells his grandfather he wants to send flowers to his Valentine and we see him trying to order a bouquet of roses at Reed's shop even though he doesn't have enough money. I think we're supposed to think he has a crush on this girl in his class, Rani, an Indian girl who's also a good friend of his and they both play soccer together. Another one of their teammates calls her his girlfriend to Edison's face, but he denies it. But when Julia (Ms. Fitzpatrick to her students) is telling her students the history of Valentine's Day, he's the only one paying attention so I knew that he had a crush on his teacher. For some reason, his flowers aren't delivered to the school (probably because he didn't have enough money!), so he has to make it his mission to make sure his Valentine gets her flowers THAT day. He finds out from Rani that she has to work at her family's restaurant that night (and keep in mind this girl is ten) because they're hosting two parties: a wedding reception and an "I Hate Valentine's Day" party that Ms. Fitzpatrick will be attending because her friend Kara is hosting. Okay, let's put a pin in this story (there's not too much left to tell, but I need to introduce some other characters before I wrap it up. This movie's kind of a pain to try to summarize!) 

In a movie about love and Valentine's Day, we at least need one anti-Valentine's Day person and that is Kara (Jessica Biel) who hosts an annual "I Hate Valentine's Day" party. She is upset because nobody has RSVPed to her party, but don't worry, she ends up having a nice gathering. Julia is the first to arrive. At first she wasn't going to attend because she had planned to be in San Francisco surprising her boyfriend, but we all know how that turned out! There's a heart-shaped piñata and Julia takes a bat and just beats the crap out of it. Before she smashes the piñata, she twirls the bat around in her hand and it's very Sydney Bristow.

Kara is a publicist for an "aging" (he's 35) football player named Sean Jackson (Eric Dane) who's thinking about retiring because he wants more out of life. He wants to call a press conference and everyone thinks he's going to announce his retirement. His agent is played by Queen Latifah and she has one amusing moment where she's getting a massage and when it turns out that Sean's big announcement is that he's gay (but he's still going to continue to play), she looks up and says, "I knew it!" 

But let's back up (again) and introduce another character. Kelvin (Jamie Foxx) is a sports journalist, but his producer, Susan (Kathy Bates), wants him to do a lifestyle piece (because it's a slow sports day, but this was before Sean Jackson announced he was holding a press conference) and ask people on the street "what does Valentine's Day mean to you?" Kelvin isn't thrilled about this because he wants to be taken seriously as a sports journalist and he's not a fan of Valentine's Day. (Guess who he ends up with?) I did laugh at his reply about Valentine's Day not even being a real holiday because they don't get the day off. I totally agree with him. If you don't get time and a half for woking on a holiday it's not a real holiday! When he hears that Sean Jackson (I have no idea why I keep calling him by his first and last name, maybe because that's how they referred to him in the movie) is announcing a press conference, he goes to Kara's office to ask is he can ask Sean one camera on question. Kara is in her office, stuffing chocolate in her mouth, a little unhinged, and asks him if she's the only person who's alone on Valentine's Day and tells him how her best friend is candy and the only relationship she has is with her Blackberry. (Haha, this movie is so dated.) Now I don't know if this is the first time these two have met, but it's super cringe and she breaks down and he's trying to comfort her. Anyway, he is able to get his question for Sean Jackson and he ends up coming to Kara's party (because he hates Valentine's Day too!). They share a kiss at the end of the movie and I guess they end up together. 

We get a storyline set on an airplane where U.S. army captain Kate (Julia Roberts) is sitting next to a well-dressed man named Holden (Bradley Cooper). They strike up a conversation and we learn that Kate is on a one-day leave. Holden tells her he thinks it's a romantic gesture what she's doing since she's taking a fourteen hour flight just to be home for one day, then turn around the next day and take another fourteen hour flight back and mentions the guy she's going to see is a lucky man. Okay, right away I knew she wasn't going home to see a husband or a boyfriend or any kind of romantic partner. I knew that Edison was her son and he was who she was going home to see. I knew this because when Edison is playing soccer we see him looking at the moms cheering on their kids and he looks really sad. I thought it was weird that she never corrected him and told him she had a son and was going home to see him. I guess it's because they wanted it to be a surprise for the audience. Well, you're not fooling me, Garry Marshall! It is a sweet moment when she comes home and hugs her son and I may or may not have had something in my eyes during that scene. We also find out that Holden is in a relationship with Sean Jackson. So I guess they were in a relationship, but it wasn't public since Sean wasn't officially out? 

Okay, let's go back to Edison for a second. For some reason, he has a baby-sitter even though he has two able-bodied grandparents who are able to take care of. Grace (Emma Roberts) is a high school senior who watches him after school. I would understand if the grandparents weren't home to watch him, but there's a scene of her at their house and she's talking to them. If the grandparents are home, why do they need a baby-sitter? Okay, this scene will come into play later so I get why it's there. 

Let's talk about Grace's (very cringey) storyline. That morning, her teacher asks her if she can help with a "test-prep group for the class" after school, but Grace tells her she has to baby-sit. When she asks if she can do it during lunch, she tells her she can't because she plans to have sex with her boyfriend for the first time and they're going to her house during lunch break because her parents will be at work. I for sure thought she was trying to get out of helping the teacher and just said that so the teacher would be uncomfortable (which she was!) and leave it alone, but no, Grace was being serious. She even offers to help her the next day with the study group. 

During lunch break, Grace's boyfriend, Alex (Carter Jenkins, the only person in the main cast I wasn't familiar with), gets to her house first (he knows where the key is hidden; under a doormat, with an obvious hiding place like that, they're probably going to get burglarized) and heads up to her room and covers her bed in rose petals and lights a bunch of candles. It's the most cliche thing ever. Also, isn't lunch break usually only half an hour? And they have to drive home, then back to school? This all just seems very rushed and not very special or romantic. Are they just doing this today because it's Valentine's Day? I guess. Alex is an inspiring musician and has brought his guitar and starts playing it and singing a cheesy song about her. He is completely naked (ready to go, I guess!) and the guitar is strategically placed around him. In a very predictable move, we see the front door open and in walks Grace's mom! I guess she had to come home form work to get something. She can hear the music upstairs and thinks Grace is home, so she opens the door to get quite the surprise. Alex also gets quite the surprise too and falls onto Grace's bed. We get a very awkward scene where he tells his girlfriend's mom the reason he is naked because he's rehearsing for "an experimental show". (Okay, but why is he "practicing" in Grace's room?) He stands up and steps on a thorn of a rose, then backs up and crashes into one of Grace's shelves, then he bumps heads with Grace's mom. You would think the mom would tell him to get dressed, close the door, then they could discuss what he was doing. Alex wraps his jacket around his wait and grabs his guitar case and runs out of the house completely naked, but he's covered up. He runs down the block and runs into Grace who is on her way home. She stops and lets him in the car and he tells her what just happened. Boy, she must have been mortified that her mom saw her boyfriend naked in her bedroom! 

So they decide to wait to have sex because reasons I don't even remember. Grace chats with Edgar and Estelle and asks them who's only been with one person and they tell her they are those people. Except lies! Because Estelle confesses to Edgar that she had an affair with his business partner many years ago. Damn, that's cold, Estelle! When he asks why she's telling him this now, she replies she wanted to tell him the truth and he tells her, "The truth makes everything else seem like a lie."

There are a couple storylines that could have been deleted from the movie. One of them is the relationship between Liz (Anne Hathaway) and Jason (Topher Grace - thank goodness I have the Wikipedia cast list up because I would not have remembered their character's names!). They recently started dating and go on a dinner date. They go to this super crowded restaurant where the tables are literally right next to each other and they're sitting shoulder to shoulder with the other patrons and are across from each other and have to talk loudly to be heard. The couple next to them are leaning across the table and making out and the other couple next to them is fighting. It doesn't seem very fun or intimate. One of the moments of dialogue I genuinely laughed at is when the waiter comes over and asks them, "Would you like the four-course Sweetheart's Menu or the eight-course Eternal Love?" and Jason replies, "Whoa slow down. Is there a one-course 'only been dating
for two weeks but it looks promising option?'" Yeah, that's pretty awkward, but I think his reply was pretty good. 

During their scenes together or when Liz is at work, she has to take calls because she makes extra money on the side as a phone sex operator. It's all very PG-13 dirty talk and she talks in accents, usually Russian or Southern. She seems to have the same two clients. During the dinner date, she has to excuse herself to take one of these calls and goes outside. Jason (he doesn't know what she does on the side) goes to find her and overhears her "talking dirty" (I say it in quotes because it's pretty tame) in a Southern accent to someone who he believes is her boyfriend. This guy is really dumb...any idiot would realize what she's doing. She admits she's a phone sex operator and when he asks why she didn't tell him she says it's because she's broke and has a $100,000 student loan and no insurance. So I guess because of shame? He's such a jerk and tells her "I'm out." But why? Because she's the a phone sex operator? Because she's broke? For some reason, after he tells her that, she asks if he's going to call her, but I guess this is so he can be snarky and reply, "I'd like to say yes, but I don't know if I can afford it." He does immediately apologize for saying that, but says this is all too much for him.

So I would say this is a storyline that could be deleted, but it does merge with the Edgar and Estelle storyline. Both couples are supposed to go to a movie night in the cemetery, but the guys end up going alone and they start chatting about their forlorn love lives. Edgar and Estelle go every year on Valentine's and this is the first time he's been there without Estelle. The movie they're showing is a 1958 movie Shirely McClaine was in called Hot Spell, so I guess Estelle is/was an actress, but I don't know if this is supposed to be Hot Spell or another movie because Shirley McClaine isn't playing herself. Anyway, Estelle comes to the screening and she and Edgar make up and kiss in front of a huge crowd of people and everyone claps. Also, Jason realizes he was being a jerk to Liz and they make up and get together. 

I would also say you could delete the Emma Robert and her boyfriend storyline, but it also connects to Edgar and Estelle. One storyline you could definitely delete and it wouldn't affect the movie is the Taylor Swift and Taylor Launter one. They play a dating high school couple and they're friends with Grace and Alex, but that's really only the connection they have with other characters in the movie. The Taylor Swift song "Today Was a Fairytale" is featured during the movie and at the end credits. I thought she specifically wrote it for the movie, but looking at Wikipedia (which I already had up!) she had already written it and offered it to be used in the movie. Taylor Swift has many, many amazing songs and this....is not one of them. It's very bland and generic, much like this movie! 

The absolute best part of this film is the very, very end when they're showing the bloopers and the last blooper we see is Julia Roberts being driven home in a car and they go past Rodeo Drive and the driver asks her if she's ever been there and she replies she has and it was a "Big mistake, huge!" 

Wickedly Cool Stepmother

Stepmom

Director: Chris Colombus

Cast: Julia Roberts, Susan Sarandon, Ed Harris, Jena Malone, Liam Aiken

Released: December 25, 1998

This might be my favorite late-'90s Julia Roberts movie. It certainly isn't Notting Hill or Runaway Bride because those movies made me want to tear my hair out. My Best Friend's Wedding isn't as bad as those two, but still managed to drive me crazy. It's been a very long time since I've seen Stepmom and honestly, I thought I was going to hate it, but actually really quite liked it. The only things I remembered about it was the "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" dance scene and that the ending was very sad. Oh, and just in case you've never seen this, there will be spoilers).

Jackie (Susan Sarandon) and Luke (Ed Harris) are parents to twelve-year-old Anna (Jena Malone) and seven-year-old Ben (Liam Aiken). They are now divorced (probably a couple years now) and Luke has been dating Isabel (Julia Roberts) for a year and she moved in with him in his Manhattan loft and has been living with him for a month. Oh, yeah, everyone is really rich in this movie. Luke is a lawyer, Isabel is a photographer and shoots photo spreads and ads for well-known fashion magazines, and while Jackie doesn't work anymore, she used to work at Random House and lives in this huge Victorian house with a wraparound porch that's by a lake. This house is ridiculously gorgeous and amazing and I would love to live in it! I guess there's plenty of other problems for the characters in this movie to have, but financial problems won't be one of them! 

When the movie starts, I thought Isabel was already their stepmom because the kids are at the loft and she's trying to get them up and ready for school. Luke isn't there (it's implied he works a lot and that's one of the reasons why he and Jackie got divorced) and Isabel isn't having much luck with the kids. Ben, who is an aspiring magician, is hiding from her (he seems to do this a lot)  and Anna is ticked at her because it's "purple shirt day" at school and Isabel forgot to wash her purple shirt. Isabel makes up some bs excuse of how she didn't forget, she was up all night thinking that Anna shouldn't wear the same color as everyone else and gives her a red shirt to wear instead. 

When Isabel starts making breakfast for them, she opens one of the cabinets and that's when she (and the audience) discover that Ben was hiding in there. Um, no. There is no way that child could fit in the cupboard. Especially when we see not only is there a divider, but both shelves are stocked full of boxes and cans of food. Heh, I'm not the only one to complain about this. This is also mentioned in the "goofs" section of its IMDb page. 

Jackie arrives to pick them up and the kids are overjoyed to see her. She tells Isabel, "I'll handle it from here." Clearly, she thinks Isabel can't take care of her children. 

So, yes, Isabel is not their stepmom at the beginning of the movie; in fact, while Luke does propose to her, she never becomes their stepmom during the duration of the movie (which starts in September or October and ends at Christmas; I'm guessing they had a spring or summer wedding). When Jackie and Luke are having a meeting with Anna's school counselor (or maybe it was just her teacher), we get exposition about the relationship between Luke and Isabel. Anna's parents have been called for a conference because apparently she told the school her parents were getting remarried and the family was moving to Switzerland. The teacher/counselor tells Anna's parents that Anna seems "apathetic toward her work knowing she's leaving before this semester." Jackie and Luke are quick to tell her that is absolutely not true and when the counselor/teacher asks them could there be anything going on at home for Anna to make up this stuff, this is when we find out about the living arrangement with Luke and Isabel. Jackie says she's half his age, but Luke says she's not. Clearly, she is younger than him, but we are never given the ages of the adult characters, so I can't verify if she is indeed half his age. However, if we're never given an age for a character, I always just assume they're the same age as the actor playing them. Ed Harris is seventeen years older than Julia Roberts, so Jackie is pretty much right that she is half his age. Unless, of course Ed Harris is supposed to be playing younger and Julia Roberts is supposed to be playing older. The counselor/teacher thinks Anna may be responding to the "underlying hostility" between her mother and Isabel. 

During a scene between Luke and Isabel at their loft, things are a bit tense because he's going to Pittsburgh for work and tells her he'll call a baby-sitter because he doesn't "expect [her] to handle [the kids herself]." Um, why can't the kids just stay with their mom? I don't understand why Luke would go to the trouble of getting a baby-sitter for the weekend instead of just asking Jackie to take care of them. Of course, the film's plot needs Isabel to watch them, so they can't have the kids stay with their mom. If they had put in a throwaway line about Jackie being busy that weekend, that would have helped a lot. Isabel tells him he means that he doesn't think she can handle them herself. She asks him to give her a chance to watch the kids, so he agrees.

While they're having this conversation, the phone rings three times and Isabel answers each time, but nobody replies. It's actually Anna on the other end and she's clearly pissed every time Isabel answers. I don't know why she just doesn't ask her to speak to her dad; she knows that Isabel lives there so it shouldn't be that surprising Isabel is answering the phone. By the third time Isabel answers the phone and doesn't get a reply, she says, "What is your problem, a$$h@le?" and Anna (finally) replies, "YOU are my problem!" (I thought she was going to call Isabel an a-hole, too, but she doesn't.) I don't know what possessed Isabel to answer the phone like that. Okay, I get things were already a little tense between her and Luke and she was annoyed that nobody was answering the phone, but why not tell Luke to answer the phone the third time it rings? Did it even occur to her that it might be one of his kids calling? She already knows they're not crazy about her so it makes sense they would be petty and not want to talk to her when she answers the phone. 

When she takes care of the kids, Luke, the aspiring magician, is making a "magic potion" that he put a spell on and whoever drinks it will go to sleep for one thousand years. It's just hot cocoa and he brings it over to Anna who's working on her drawings (if Luke is an aspiring magician, Anna is an aspiring artist) and she threatens if he spills it on her stuff, she'll put him to sleep for a thousand years. I kept waiting for the cocoa to spill and the siblings to get into a huge fight, but it never happens. 

Isabel comes into the room and tells them she has a surprise for them and has them sit on the couch with their eyes closed. She presents them with an adorable golden retriever puppy. Ben is thrilled, but the first thing Anna tells her is she's allergic to dogs. Isabel tells her that her dad didn't say anything about it (so it sounds like she got permission from their father to get them a dog) and Anna replies that he probably doesn't know she's allergic because he's never around. I'm sorry, this is such bs. I think her dad would know if she's allergic to anything. He may be busy with work, but he still spends time with his kids and would know details like that. Also, we'll later see Anna cuddling with the puppy. She's just saying this because she wants to hurt Isabel and is being a brat. She continue being a brat when Isabel tells them they should give the puppy a name and Anna suggests "Isabel" because she smells like her and, as she tells Isabel, "And I'm allergic to you, too. It fits perfectly." She goes to her room and Isabel follows her and tells her she would really like it if they could get along and Anna tells her she doesn't have to listen to her because "you're not my mother", to which Isabel replies, "Thank God for that!" When she realizes she's hurt Anna's feelings, she tells her, "What I meant to say is you have a great mom. You don't need another one." Heh, nice "save", Isabel. She adds that she would like to be treated with some respect when Anna is in this house. Anna tells her this is her dad's house, but Isabel is quick to remind her that this is her home too. Anna tells her to get out of her room, so she does and this is when we see Anna pick up the puppy who's come over to her door and she cuddles with it for the rest of the night. One thing I like about this movie is that the relationship between Isabel and her boyfriend's/fiancé's kids (especially Anna) is very realistic. It makes sense why these kids don't like her because they want their parents to get back together and they resent Isabel very much. 

Isabel reads to Ben who tells her to drink the cocoa because he made it specifically for her. She starts to get very sleepy and eventually falls asleep in the middle of reading. I thought Ben would think his magic potion worked, you know, since he said it would put anyone who drank it asleep for a thousand years, but instead he tells Anna that he killed her. It was all just very odd. 

The next morning, Isabel is late arriving with the kids late to Jackie's (amazingly ridiculously gorgeous) house. Jackie is mad because it's 7:23 and Isabel and the kids were supposed to be there at 6:30 because Anna had a riding lesson. (Ugh, who would want to have a riding lesson that early? I used to take take horseback riding lessons and they were seven in the evening!) Isabel tells her that it's Monday and Annas's riding lessons are on Tuesday, but Jackie corrects her and says, "Except for the third Tuesday of the month, which switches to Monday." Okay, that sounds way complicated! Also, wouldn't Anna know this and remind Isabel? Unless, she specifically didn't tell her to sabotage her which is I'm guessing what happened. Isabel asks for a cup of coffee and Jackie says she doesn't have any. She must be the only adult in the country not to have coffee in her house! Though, granted, I don't keep coffee in my apartment. (What's the point when both Starbucks and Scooters are less than five minutes from where you live?) 

You can tell there's already tension between Isabel and Anna because when the kids go upstairs to get ready for school, Anna is glaring at her. I thought she was still mad at Isabel about the previous night, but when Jackie asks her what happened, Isabel tells her that Anna saw her and Luke in the shower that morning when she "sort of walked in without even knocking." Who goes into a bathroom without knocking when the door is closed? And didn't Anna hear the shower running? I completely blame this on Anna...she's old enough to know better. Jackie wants to know if either her or Luke talked to Anna about it afterwards and Isabel tells her no, that she thought it would be uncomfortable for her and Jackie responds, "You mean for you." Uh, if I were Anna, I wouldn't want anyone to bring up me walking in on my dad with his girlfriend in the shower. No, I don't need to have a "conversation" about that; I'd rather just pretend it never happened! 

The two women start arguing and Jackie tells Isabel she could never be a mother because she is so self-involved and Isabel tells her maybe the problem is Anna and that "she is a spoiled, wiseass little brat." Look, I don't disagree with Isabel, but maybe not the best thing to say to the girl's mother. Of course, this pisses off Jackie and she tells Isabel to get out of her house. 

The next Saturday afternoon, both the kids are with Isabel in Central Park at a professional photo shoot because both their parents are busy. Isabel is shooting a woman with a long blonde braid wig (she is supposed to be Rapunzel) at Belvedere Castle in Central Park (I've been to Central Park and had no idea there was a "castle" there!). A guy in rock climbing gear is climbing up the castle wall, using her braid. I have no idea what product they're selling here. Rock climbing paraphernalia? I had to laugh when Ben tells his sister, "Wouldn't it be cool if her hair came out of her armpit?" That just seems like something a little boy would find "cool". Anna had the same reaction as I did; she looks disgusted and replies, "Sick." 

The kids start whining to Isabel that they're hungry. Apparently, they've been there for five hours! Good Lord, that is a long time! Isabel tosses Luke her coin purse and tells the kids to get some ice cream. We see time has elapsed and Anna has fallen asleep after eating her ice cream. Ben isn't with her and Isabel wakes Anna up, asking where he is. Anna doesn't know and a panicked Isabel starts screaming his name. (That has to be a terrifying situation to be in; my mind would go straight to the worst possible scenario). Anna thinks he may have been kidnapped (apparently, her mind also goes straight to the worst possible scenario), but Isabel assures her (but let's face its, she's trying to assure herself, mostly) that isn't the case; that "he's just hiding."

We never see Ben get found; but she must have called the police and they must have told them a police officer found him because Isabel and Ben's parents come rushing to the police station where he is sitting with some officers, showing them a magic trick. The police tell them they found him at the zoo. Isabel apologizes to Jackie, but she ignores her and tells Luke, "That woman is to have nothing more to do with my children" and Luke corrects her and says, "Our children." Jackie tells both of them she's getting a court order and that Isabel "will never be with these children alone again." I understand why she's so upset, but she's being a tad overdramatic. She must think the same thing because later, when Luke asks her not to go through with it, she tells him she's going to give him one last chance.

Soon after, Jackie is late picking up the kids from school. So late, in fact, that the school calls Isabel's place of work and ask if she can pick them up. The kids can't believe their mom forgot about them. Ben tells Isabel that's something she would do and Isabel tells them that's exactly what happened. She makes up a story about how their mom had to help a friend with an emergency and called to ask her to pick up the kids. Isabel says she got caught up at work and just forgot. At this moment, we see Jackie walk in and take the kids home. She looks at Isabel, but doesn't tell her thank you or anything. She and the kids just walk out of the school. 

Later, Jackie asks Isabel if she can watch the kids Saturday afternoon because she has an appointment. This appointment is a doctor's appointment and Jackie finds out she has cancer. She is meeting Luke at a restaurant and he tells her he has news too, so she tells him to go first. Clearly, she is procrastinating in telling him the news! Luke's news isn't too surprising. He tells Jackie he's going to ask Isabel to marry him and he wants her to be okay with it for the kids' sake. He knows if Jackie will be okay with it, so will the kids. When he asks what her news is, she says it was nothing and that they "have quite enough to deal with" just with his news. Yep, totally avoiding telling him! 

We see the proposal scene, then soon after we get a scene where Luke and Jackie tell the kids the news and they are not happy. (Interesting that it was Luke and Jackie telling them, and not Luke and Isabel, but I think this way does make more sense). Jackie tells her kids that Isabel isn't going to take her place as their mom (eh, that's debatable!) and Luke says, "Isabel's going to be in your life and hopefully you can learn to accept her." Jackie comforts her crying daughter, who really thought her parents would get back together (even though she is too old to think that would happen) and tells her life is unfair and full of hard choices, but she has a choice: "You can either take the hard things and make your life better or you can make it worse." She tells her to see the good side of Isabel and what she brings to her dad's life and to hers. This is showing real character growth for Jackie. 

So that is exactly what Anna does. Halloween soon rolls around and Ben is dressed as a wizard (or maybe he's dressed as a magician dressed as a wizard?) and Anna is dressed as Elvis. (Isn't sixth grade a little too old to still be trick-or-treating?) It is still broad daylight when they're trick or treating, so they must be doing this around 2 or 3 in the afternoon. I looked up to see what day Halloween was on in 1998 and it was on a Saturday, so they didn't have to worry about school, so they could have easily gone in the evening. This seems so weird to me...usually when kids trick or treat, it's already dark. I understand that they probably did it this way because it's probably more convenient to film during the day. Anna tells her mom she's been thinking about what she said about Isabel and to see the "good side" of her. Perhaps she took her mother's advice a little too well because she goes on about how Isabel knows all about "clothes and stuff" and that she knows "every rock 'n' roll song ever written" and she knows all the "cool junk food places to eat." She concludes with, "Once you get to know her, she's kinda cool." I can see a twelve-year-old girl being into a young, cool stepmom type who knows about clothes and junk food. The rock 'n' roll music? Eh, young kids wouldn't care about that. Now if Isabel knew about current music, then she would definitely be in with Anna. She tells her mom not to tell Isabel what she told her. Oh, Anna, I don't think you have to worry about that! 

Turns out Jackie is starting to feel a little insecure (and we get many instances of this) that when Anna drops the kids off at her house after picking them up from school, Jackie, right in front of Isabel, tells Anna that they are going to the Pearl Jam concert that night. After an excited Anna tells her mom she's the coolest and goes to get ready, Jackie tells Isabel, "That was a great idea, thanks." This is a low blow because Isabel had asked Jackie if she could take Anna to this concert and when Jackie found out it was on a Thursday night, she said absolutely not, she's too young for that. (I think she would've come up with an excuse not to let Isabel take her if it was on weekend night). I guess Jackie wasn't worried about it being on a school night; she just wanted her daughter to think she was the cool one. 

Jackie has started undergoing chemotherapy and she still hasn't told anyone about her illness. At Anna's soccer game, Isabel asks Jackie if she's feeling all right and says she looks a "little tired." Jackie tells her, "I hate when people say that. It's a polite way of telling you look like sh*t." Yes! This annoys me too! Especially if you're not tired when people tell you that! Luckily (er, maybe that's not the right word) I always AM tired so when people tell me that, it's usually because I am! Isabel tells her she's noticed she's been busy lately and asks her if she's seeing anyone. Jackie tells her she's been spending some time with her old boss and "trying to decide whether or not [she's] going back to Random House."

Jackie starts her chemotherapy treatment and isn't doing to well. She calls Isabel to tell her she got a call from Random House and they want her to come in that afternoon to meet with the editor. She won't be back in time to pick up Ben at a birthday party and asks Isabel if she get him and Isabel tells her she can. 

For some reason, when Isabel is driving down the highway, she has the window open.... even though it's November. And they're in New York. There's absolutely no reason why she should have the window rolled down, but they need to have her lose the piece of paper with the address she wrote down on it. She's holding it while she's also looking at the map and while she's messing with the map, the little piece of paper flies out the window. I also thought she was going to lose the map, but she doesn't. They need this to happen so she can call Random House to ask Jackie for the address, but only for her to find out that Jackie, in fact, is NOT there and the woman tells her she hasn't seen Jackie since she left Random House eleven years ago.

After Isabel drops Ben off at Jackie's (extremely exquisite) house (guess she was able to pick him up without the address!), Jackie goes inside with him, talking about the party and Isabel starts going through Jackie's mail which she had brought outside with her in a little sitting area in the yard while she waited for Ben to come home. While Isabel is rifling through it (shame, shame!), she finds someone from Random House has typed her a note that says, "Can't wait to see you here. I know you're anxious, but it's going to be wonderful. Everything will work out perfectly." She also finds round trip airline tickets to Los Angeles. She puts the mail back before Jackie returns, but quickly confronts her and tells her she knows her secret. There's a moment of surprise that passes over Jackie's face and she's probably wondering how Isabel knows she has cancer, but in the same breath, Isabel tells her she saw the note and the airline tickets and that she knows she's not working at Random House in New York. She accuses Jackie of taking the kids and moving to L.A. At this point, I'm confused because while I don't know why she's going to L.A., I know she's not moving across the country for a new job. I get even more confused when Jackie pretty much confirms Isabel's suspicions when she tells her she thought she would have loved this because "you lose the witch and her two little brats in one swoop. Simplifies everything. You get your life back." The two argue back and forth: Isabel tells her there's plenty of publishing houses in New York she can get a job at and Jackie tells her it's called "bi-coastal parenting" and that Luke will get the kids every other holiday and one month in the summer and adds, "It's not ideal, but it works." Gee, that sounds awful! I'm not sure what their arrangement is now, but it seems like the kids are with their mom during the week and their dad on weekends, and while I don't know how far away their parents live from each other, it's sure a hell of a lot closer than flying across the entire country! I've flown across only half the country and that felt long to me! Isabel tells her she can't take Luke's kids away from him; that "We can't live like that!" Jackie questions the "we" and tells her it's not her problem and that Luke should talk to her (Jackie). Isabel disagrees and tells her she's going to marry Luke and they're going to share their life together. As she tells Jackie, "His kids are everything to him and he would be devastated not to be near them." 

So after all this, Jackie tells her she's wrong about everything and explains a colleague of hers wrote the note. This colleague now lives in L.A. and Jackie will be staying with her while she gets protein injections that were recommended by her oncologist and you can only get them in L.A. Needless to say, Isabel is shocked to learn that Jackie has cancer and asks her if she's dying and Jackie replies, "Not today."  

Can we go back to that note for one second? The one that Jackie's colleague wrote to her that said, "Everything will work out perfectly." This seems very weird to write to someone who has cancer. (I'm assuming the friend knew why she was coming to L.A.) Why would you tell someone who has cancer that "Everything will work out perfectly."? (Spoiler alert: it doesn't). That seems a little...presumptuous to assume that. 

Now that Isabel knows about Jackie's cancer, she really has no choice but to tell Luke and together, they tell the kids. Anna is angry that her mom never told her about it until now even though she's known about it for a long time. Luke defends her and says she wanted to "wait until the right time" and Jackie tells them she didn't want to scare them and wanted to wait until her sickness was "smaller." Anna says that Isabel should be with them because it's Thursday and that's her day to pick them up. Ben says he'd rather be with his mom and Anna (quite harshly) tells him their mom is dying and Isabel is their new mom now (not quite yet, Anna, hold your horses!) She accuses her mother of lying to her and how she can never trust her again. When she runs upstairs, her dad tells her, "You do not run out on your mother!", she stops, turns around, looks back at him, and replies, "No, that's your job." Ooh, harsh burn! I audibly gasped when she said that. 

So later that evening, after Anna has had time to process everything and after Luke has left, we get the scene where Jackie dances and lip synchs to "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" with her kids. Like I mentioned earlier, this is the only scene from the movie I remembered. 

During the kids' school's Thanksgiving pageant (it's kinda weird that Anna and Ben attend the same school since he's in elementary school and she should be in middle school, though technically I guess sixth grade (I'm pretty sure that's the grade she was in) could still be elementary school, but by 1998, that seemed kind of passé), Isabel tells Jackie that Anna's been "going out" with the "class heartthrob", Brad, for two weeks. For the record, Brad looks like a low-rent Devon Sawa. Very low-rent Devon Sawa. That day, during lunch, he publicly announced he was breaking up with her. Isabel knows all this because Anna told her when she picked her up from school that afternoon. She also told Isabel she cried in the bathroom (aw, poor thing) and she didn't tell her mom because she didn't want her making a big deal out of it. Isabel is telling Jackie all of this because Anna asked Isabel what she should do and Isabel told her she should talk to her mom and gives notice to Jackie that Anna's going to ask her tomorrow so she should be ready. 

The next day is Thanksgiving and as Jackie and Anna are setting the table, Anna tells her mom what she told Isabel yesterday and the reason Brad is breaking up with her is because she didn't let him kiss her with her mouth open (and before you ask, yes, Jackie did ask her if she let him kiss her with her mouth closed and Anna just gives her mom a look) and apparently Brad told his little minion friends this because every time they saw her, they would call her names like "Ice Princess." Hell, I would embrace a name like that. Makes you sound cool like you're Daenerys Targaryen. She says she retaliates and calls Brad names like "fart face" and Jackie's advice for her is that she should just ignore him. Since all he wants is the attention and once he doesn't get it, "he might try a little harder, but then he'll get frustrated and give up." Anna asks her mom if she thinks that's what Isabel would do and slightly throws shades at her mother when she tells her, "She's younger. Maybe she remembers how to do this." Hmm, I think Anna wanted Isabel's advice on this all along. To be fair, she DID ask for Isabel's advice and she was the one who told Anna to talk to her mom. 

So a few day later, when Isabel picks up the kids from school (she's late because she was working), she sees they're the only ones waiting outside and Anna is crying. After Isabel tells Ben to wait in the car, she asks Anna what happened and she tells her that her mom told her to ignore Brad, which she did, and he called her "Frosty the Snow Bitch" (remember, Christmas is right around the corner) in front of everyone. This kid really needs to be smacked. Preferably twice. Isabel says she has an idea, but Anna snivels and tells her no thanks, that she doesn't need advice from a stepmother (again, she's technically not their stepmother yet). Isabel says she has a choice: cry about it or do something about it. Anna chooses the latter and they go to a diner where Isabel hatches her plan: Monday after school she'll walk up to Brad "with attitude" and tell him "I'm not going to waste my time with some loser who doesn't even know what snowblowing is." Anna interrupts her to ask her what that means and she tells her, "It's a disgusting and not even remotely sexy thing" she once heard described in a movie she'd never take her to. My first thought was, is this movie Nine and a Half Weeks or Basic Instinct? I've never seen either of them but I know they're highly sexual, but I'm guessing she's talking about a fictional movie. Actually, I lied. That was not my first thought. I also wondered what snowblowing is and I don't know if this is a real thing and to be honest, I'm too scared to look it up on urban dictionary because if it is a real thing (which wouldn't surprise me), I am sure Isabel is telling the truth when she says its "disgusting" and frankly, I would rather not know! Please, let me remain in my ignorant bliss. Even if it wasn't something in 1998, I'm sure it became something (and this movie can take credit for it....but, uh, that's probably not something to be proud of!) 

Isabel continues and tells her after she says that, Anna will walk away, whip back around and say, "The guy I see is in high school and he laughs his ass off whenever we talk about you." She adds that there will be a "suitable boy" with "a very expensive bike" (she's talking about a moped, not a bicycle, for the record). "Suitable boy" makes me laugh because it makes it sound like she's going to find an average-looking boy, at best. Isabel does clear things up when she tells Anna, "He will be a stone fox, even if I have to call an escort service." Okay, eww, I hope she's joking because it is highly inappropriate (and some might even say illegal) to have a guy from an escort service flirt with a twelve-year-old girl. It's a good thing Jackie wasn't privy to this conversation! Also, consdering that Isabel is a fashion photographer, she has ample access to many good-looking (and hopefully age appropriate) male models to play the role of "Anna's new hot older boyfriend." 

So Monday afternoon rolls around and Isabel is standing by her car pretty much spying on Anna and Brad and everything that goes down between them. We know she's not even supposed to be there to pick up the kids because she's surprised when Jackie shows up and asks her what she's doing there and Jackie tells her she's there to pick up her kids. (Duh, Isabel!) So they're both watching Anna performing the skit that Isabel thought up for her and after she tells off Brad, she walks over to the bike rack and hugs a good-looking young male mode and he kisses her (well, it's more like a peck on the cheek). I would say he was no older than sixteen so at least he looked age appropriate. Still a little weird that a high schooler would date a girl who attends elementary school (or even middle school, but considering both Anna and Ben were waiting for Isabel outside the school together makes me think they attend the same school, unless one of their schools is nearby and the other walked to this school to wait for Isabel together...but I think I'm giving way too much thought about this and both kids go to the same school, thus making Anna a sixth grader who attends elementary school and it's super weird that a good-looking high school boy (or any high schooler) for that matter would ever date someone in elementary school). The more I write about this, the more I understand why Jackie was so upset! 

All of Brad's friends are ribbing him, calling him a "loser" and he just looks like an idiot with his mouth hanging open. Yeah, he doesn't look so hot compared to that male model! Jackie asks Isabel, "Who is that? He looks familiar. He looks like that guy in his underwear for Calvin Klein." Isabel corrects her, "Fully dressed for Ralph Lauren." Ha! I wouldn't be surprised if Jackie was right and he was also in the CK ad. After the male model gives Anna another peck on the cheek, she runs up to Isabel and hugs her, exclaiming, "It worked! It worked!" She should have at least pretended to leave with the model, but Brad did leave first, so I guess he wouldn't have seen anything. 

Of course, Jackie wants to know what's going on, so Isabel has to tell her what happened and she and Jackie get into a fight about the advice Isabel gave Anna. Jackie is not happy about certain words Isabel told Anna to use and the fact that she lied about having a boyfriend. Yeah, but she only lied to her lame, jerky ex and his equally lame minions, so I don't think she should be getting upset about that. Isabel asks her what she has done and Jackie replies, "You have turned her into you" and Isabel tells her she is trying and the she has the children's "best interests at heart." 

After their fight, they meet later at a restaurant and Jackie admits she lost Ben in the grocery store a year ago. Isabel confesses that she feels inferior compared to Jackie about being a mother; that she will never live up to her. Jackie has the history with the kids. Isabel talks about the future with Anna's wedding. She'll be in a room with Anna helping her with her dress and telling her how beautiful she is and she fears that Anna will be thinking, "I wish my mom was here." Jackie tells her that her fear is that Anna WON'T be thinking that. Then she says, "The truth is, she doesn't have to choose. She can have us both. Love us both. She will be a better person because of me. And because of you." She says that she has their past and Isabel can have their future. Susan Sarandon is crying, Julia Roberts is crying, I'M crying! OMG, the tears are flowing everywhere! 

The last scene takes place on Christmas and everyone is celebrating at Jackie's (astonishingly enchanting) house. In an earlier scene, her doctor had told her the chemotherapy hadn't worked but there are other options available like treatment in Paris or Switzerland. Jackie tells her she wants to spend what time she has left at home with her family. We aren't given a time frame of how exactly how much time she has left, but I think it's pretty apparent that this will be her last Christmas and it's so sad! 

Isabel, Luke, and the kids are downstairs and Jackie is upstairs in her room where she has requested some time alone with each kid separately so they can open their present and essentially have a "good-bye" scene with her. I was confused at first and thought maybe she was too weak to come downstairs to spend Christmas with the rest of the family, but that isn't the case. She just wants to have some quality time alone with each of her kids, then she will come downstairs. 

Ben goes upstairs first and Jackie has made him a magician's cape that have pictures of them together patched onto it. Ben asks his mom if she's dying and is sad that he won't see her anymore. She tells him since he's a magician he should know the secret of "just because you don't see something, doesn't mean it's not there", alluding to she'll always be with him inside and his heart and that they can still meet inside his dreams. He says it's not the same thing, which he is right! Before he leaves, he asks her to make sure his dad knows how to double knot his sneakers the way she does for school in the morning. Jackie says she will and looks so sad. It's so sad because he knows she won't always be around to do that! 

Anna comes in with a cup of tea for her mom and opens her present: a quilt Jackie has made with pictures of them together. She tells her daughter, "It's like a scrapbook you can keep warm with." Things start to get real when Anna asks her mom if she's scared and Jackie replies that she was mostly scared for her (Anna), but isn't anymore because she knows she's going to be okay. This shows real growth of the relationship between her and Isabel. Mother and daughter have a nice heart to heart, then Anna tells her, "I don't want to say goodbye. I'm going to miss you so much!" Oh, God, and here come the waterworks again!

Everyone (including Jackie) is downstairs opening the other gifts and Isabel is taking pictures. There's an earlier montage in the movie where she was taking photos of Jackie with her kids - reading to them, riding horses, ice skating, so it's nice that they'll have these memories of their mom's last moments to look back on. Isabel has the kids sits on the couch with their parents and takes their photo. Then Jackie says, "Let's get one with the whole family. Isabel?" and invites her to sit on the couch with them and Isabel sets the timer on her camera and the movie ends. And I'm probably still crying! 

Oh, in case you were wondering, here is a picture of the house I keep raving about. It's located in Nyack, New York and it only costs a little over 3 million! Luke and Jackie must have been making really good money if they could afford that! I wish I could create that house on Sims 3 (yes, I still play Sims 3; I could care less about Sims 4!), but I majorly suck at building things so that will never happen!