Wedding Crasher

My Best Friend's Wedding

Director: P.J. Hogan

Cast: Julia Roberts, Cameron Diaz, Dermot Mulroney, Rupert Everett, Rachel Griffiths, Carrie Preston

Released: June 20, 1997

Oscar nominations:

Best Musical or Comedy Score - James Newton Howard (lost to Anne Dudley for The Full Monty)

I saw this movie when it came out in the theater and saw it on video a couple times, but it had been a really long time since I'd seen it, so I had forgotten a lot of things (although I did remember who ended up getting married at the titular wedding). I also forgot how everyone sucks except for Rupert Everett's character. His name is George and he is Jule's (Julia Roberts) editor and (at the time) closest friend. He is also gay. They seem to remind us of this every half hour in case we forgot. Jules has an editor because she is working on a book. She is a twenty-seven-year-old food critic who apparently sends fear into every chef. The very first scene we see her, she's at a restaurant with everyone in the kitchen looking on in anticipation as she tastes the dish and gives her critique right there to the waiter and tells him, "I'm writing it up as inventive and confident." First of all, pretty sure you have to be much older than 27 to be considered an established food critic. Second of all, why is she giving her critique to the waiter? Third of all, why is she telling anyone her review at all? I assume she writes it for the paper and that's when everybody reads it. There is absolutely no reason for her to be a food critic; it doesn't even come up again in the film. (You'd think they'd want her input for the food at the wedding!) They just do it to give her a glamorous job that won't interfere with the plot of the movie. Speaking of which, we will get into when she gets a phone call from her best friend, Michael (Dermot Mulroney) who writes for Sport magazine. They've only been best friends for a few years and I'm scratching my head as to why they're best friends because she and George seem to have more of a connection than she does with Michael. We find out about Michael through exposition when Jules tells George about him. She met him when they were sophomores at Brown and were hot and heavy for a month when they dated, then she broke up with him because she got "restless". Apparently Michael told her, "The thing that makes me want to cry is I'm losing the best friend I ever had" and she felt the same. Uh, what? They've only known each other for a month and they're calling each other their best friend? Give me a break, we know it wasn't her "friendship" he was going to miss if you know what I mean and I think you do! The closest thing we get to them being best friends is when Jules tells George that they've been there for each other though losing jobs, losing parents, losing loved ones (they're only 28 years old...they're not old at all...how many peoples are dropping dead in their lives? Good lord!), traveling together (that's a little weird...). They made a pact six years ago that if they're 28 and haven't married yet, they will marry each other. Well, guess who's turning 28 in 3 weeks? This is the stupidest thing ever. Why 28? Why not just round it up to 30? And even that is still pretty young. Obviously if they wanted to get married, they would have gotten married instead of leaving it up to some stupid pact. Michael has called her and left her a message to call back so she thinks it's about that and is extremely nervous to call him back. I should mention that there are many scenes when Jules is calling people in public with her big-ass '90s cell phone and I am so, so, so embarrassed for her.

Yes, she uses that thing
in public! 

Since she's been on her book tour, she hasn't had time to talk to Michael in months, but apparently they used to talk every day? Like I said, they just never seemed like best friends, or even regular friends, for that matter. He tells her he has to ask her something "incredibly important" and if she turns him down, he doesn't know what he's going to do. Before Michael even tells her what he's talking about, Jules starts blabbing about the pact which makes me cringe and I am so, so, so embarrassed for her. Luckily, he tells her he also thinks about that night all the time, so at least he knows what she's talking about, but then he tells her, "That's not why I called". Ouch. He is getting married, just not to Jules. No, he's met somebody named Kimmy (Cameron Diaz) who happens to be the twenty-year-old daughter of a BILLIONAIRE. Me thinks Michael may be a bit of a gold digger. I'm going to say it right now: for a billionaire family, they have a pretty mediocre wedding. I mean, it would be nice if you weren't a millionaire, but I was quite disappointed for what a billionaire's wedding looks like. Kimmy's dad owns the White Sox (which I guess is how Michael met Kimmy, being a sportswriter and all) and a cable company. He tells Jules that even though they're billionaires, they're "down to earth people" and that some would refer to them as "salt of the earth." Give me a break. There is no way on Earth you could refer to any billionaire as "salt of the earth." That is the most laughable thing I've ever heard. Like making Jules a food critic, it absolutely makes no sense that they make the family Michael is marrying into billionaires. It is absolutely ridiculous. We will find out they have to be better off than him for a certain storyline to work, but they were reaching quite hard with billionaires. It's not like this is Crazy Rich Asians where being extremely wealthy is part of the plot. 

Not only is Michael getting married, but he's getting married on Sunday, which is four days from now (!!!) He calls it "one of those four day weddings with all the traditional events." What the hell? I have never heard of a "four day wedding." I've heard of "Four Weddings and a Funeral"; but never a "four day wedding." This must be some billionaire thing. Of course he wants Jules to fly out to Chicago to attend the wedding. She's pretending to be all happy for him, but of course she's not because she's jealous.The next day when George drives her to the airport to fly to Chicago (did I mention she lives in New York?), she tells George she has four days to break up a wedding and steal the groom and she doesn't have any idea how to do it. She gets all freaked out and hysterical as she exclaims, "He adored me for nine years! Me!" We get why George is the best character in the movie when he tells her, "I can see why" in a deadpan voice. 

It's a little weird that an almost thirty-year-old is marrying a twenty-year-old who is a junior at the University of Chicago. I get that her being a college student plays an important role in the story, but there's something creepy about a thirty-year-old being engaged to someone who wasn't a teen not that long ago. Of course, I doubt anybody would mistake Kimmy for being twenty. For one thing, Cameron Diaz was 26 when she filmed this. For another, her character has the hairstyle and wardrobe of a forty-year-old suburban soccer mom. Sure, a well-to-do suburban soccer mom, but, sheesh, they sure make her look much older than she actually is

Jules reconnects with Michael at the airport and also meets Kimmy for the first time. I know we are supposed to be rooting for Kimmy because Jules is the villain for trying to break up our happy couple, but good God, I found Kimmy to be absolutely irritating. I guess in a nicer way, you could call her personality, "bubbly". She's all excited and giddy (WHY?) and jumping around when she meets Jules, telling her, "I've never had a sister". Uh, what? She does know Jules isn't Michael's sister so she's not gaining a sister-in-law, right? 

While they're driving, Kimmy asks Jules if she'll be her Maid of Honor because her best friend, the previous MOH, broke her pelvis. Jules is pretty much pressured into it and accepts. Personally, I would never take the job. I would feel very self conscious about being the freakin' Maid of Honor for some billionaire's daughter I've never met before.  They show Kimmy zipping her convertible in and out of traffic and driving like a maniac and just bering oblivious to, you know, safety.  I guess it's supposed to be funny? Oh she could easily kill them all or someone else, oh yeah, haha, that's really funny. I really thought her atrocious driving was going to come back when she and Michael get into a big fight (spoiler alert!) and she leaves in her car. I thought she was going to get into an accident. Not a big one to kill herself or anyone else (it's not that type of movie), but a serious enough one. But no...she's just a terrible drive for comedy's sake, I guess. It  makes no sense why they make her a careless driver. I personally think it doesn't help her case for being someone we should root for. 

They all (including Michael, for some weird reason) go to a boutique for Jules to try on her dress for the wedding. Her dress is totally different from the other bridesmaids and Kimmy tells her, "You wouldn't be comfortable unless you were distinctive", which is something Michael told her about Jules. Good God, she has to stand out so much that her dress has to be different (I mean, it is a different color, different cut, different style, different texture, different length...) from the others? Christ, Kimmy, this is YOUR wedding. Make her wear the same damn dress as the other bridesmaids! I know Jules (rightly) get a lot of blame for trying to ruin the wedding, but Michael doesn't really help matters, either. If anything, he's almost enabling Jules. When Jules is in the changing room, getting her clothes back on, he walks in on her when she's in her underwear (I guess that's why he was there? To have this scene?). She tries to cover herself up by holding her clothes over over and he tells her, "I've seen you a lot more naked than that" and "You look really good without your clothes on." That's kind of a jerky thing to say to your fiancee's maid of honor! Come on, dude. And there will be other scenes where it looks like he's leading her on. In fact, Jules feels like her plan to rip apart the happy couple is already starting to work. 

We will get a scene of Kimmy admitting to Jules that she feels inferior to her because she is "the perfect creature that [Michael] loved for all those years" and that she loves Michael, despite his flaws. Look, no offense to Dermot Mulroney (the poor man's Dylan McDermott?), but he really doesn't have the charisma to make me believe these two women would really be that gaga over him. Plus, his character kinda sucks. But, like I said everyone, except George, sucks. 

When Jules tells Michael he's going to find "that kind of perfection boring day after day, year after year", he tells her Kimmy has a "few good traits"(yeah like being the daughter of a billionaire is a big one, I bet!) and gives the example that when he hugs her in public, he doesn't have to let go right away; she lets him hold her as long as he wants. Cue my eyeroll right here. Apparently Jules isn't big on PDA. She tells Michael, "I've changed. I'm not the girl I once was." 

This movie is probably best known for its musical numbers, including the scene where they go to a karaoke bar. When they enter, Jules tells them she didn't realize it was a karaoke bar which is total bs. Earlier, Kimmy had told her she can't carry a tune (I don't even remember how that subject was brought up), so Jules gets the idea to humiliate her. Now if your fiancee is going to break up with you because you can't sing, I think that says something more about them. This is really just a stupid, mean plot that's going to backfire in front of Jule's face, anyway. Even before she has to sing, I do feel bad for Kimmy because Jules and Michael are talking like old chums, completely leaving Kimmy out and pretty much ignoring her, even when she tries to join in the conversation.  They finally do let her join in and it turns to Kimmy, who is studying to be an architect, tells Jules that she's not coming back her senior year for fall quarter. Since Michael travels all the time for his job, she thinks the most important thing is for them to be together. Another plan starts brewing in Jule's head. This karaoke bar works like no karaoke bar I've ever been to. Usually, you pick out a song from a big book, write it on a slip with your name and give it the announcer and they will put your name on a screen when you're two slots away from going up on stage to sing it. But at this place, a microphone is just randomly passed around and whoever has it can just start singing any song and magically the music will appear even if nobody has no idea what you're about to sing. What the hell? This happens when someone at the next table passes it to them and they tell Kimmy they want her to sing. Jules takes the microphone away from her, telling her she doesn't have to sing and Kimmy looks quite grateful. But then, since she's so petty and vindictive, Jules fools her into singing. Well, maybe that's not fair since Kimmy wasn't required to sing. She could of just passed the microphone on to the next table and everybody else in the room would have forgotten about her. But she takes it and starts singing "I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself" by Dusty Springfield. She sounds horrendous, but I was shocked by all the patrons booing her and yelling out she sucks. Um, that kind of behavior would never be tolerated at a karaoke bar. Also, what do they expect? Most people in karaoke bars sound terrible when they sing! The absolute worst is when you have to sing after someone who sounds amazing. But Kimmy continues singing and soon people are applauding her and Michael is looking at her in admiration. Even Jules has give it up for Kimmy as she starts clapping along to the music with the other patrons. 

With the information about Kimmy not continuing college, Jules tells Michael she's surprised that Kimmy hasn't talked to her dad about offering a job to Michael so he's not traveling all the time. If I were him, I would tell her to mind her own business. She later tells Kimmy that Michael would rather "run a piece of the PR at a powerful complex conglomerate like your father's." If I were Kimmy, I would ask Michael about this and tell him it was Jules who told me this. But of course that doesn't happen. Instead, Jules comes up with a plan. She makes it seem like it was all Kimmy's idea, but of course it was Jules. When the three of them are out to dinner, Kimmy tells Michal her father needs a favor. He needs him to help out with public relations for six month because her dad is "reorganizing some of the divisions of the company." I'm not really sure what her dad does, but that's beside the point. Nothing in this movie makes sense. Michael is not happy with this arrangement which makes Kimmy angry because she thought that's what he wanted (since Jules told her) and tells him, "I'm supposed to drop out of school? Forget my family, forget my career, forget about all the things I had planned for my life?" Michael retorts back that even though his job is low paying and gives him no respect, he happens to love it (why?). Well, no wonder poor Kimmy is so confused. During her talk with Jules earlier, Jules had assured Kimmy that he despised his job and would be more than willing to help out his future father-in-law. Kimmy gets upset and starts to cry when Michael accuses her of thinking he's not good enough for her. They've now both ignored Jules who is just sitting back, pretending to look concerned, but is trying to keep a big grin off of her face. However, her fake concern is replaced by real concern when Michael and Kimmy quickly forgive each other (after Kimmy begs him to forgive her even though she did nothing wrong). That's the quickest fight I've ever seen! Once again, her plan has backfired. 

There's an ongoing theme of Jules calling George whenever she needs his help or advice and she does it

quite often, that if I were him, I would just stop talking to her, but George is a loyal friend (and besides, he is her editor, so he can't really ignore her since they have a working relationship). It's amusing because he's hosting a dinner party when she calls and you hear her voice on the answering machine and it gets louder and louder until she's screaming about trying to sabotage a wedding and everyone at the table just stop talking and listen to his machine in surprise, then George asks if anyone wants coffee and everyone continues talking again as though they were never interrupted by a screaming, deranged woman on the other end of the answering machine. George comes to Chicago to visit Jules and asks her the question every viewer already knows the answer to: "Do you really love him or is this about winning?" She admits that it was like that in the beginning, but now when she's with him, "he's just so wonderful." (Is he? Really?) George tells her to tell him that she's loved him for  years, but she's been too afraid. I call bs that she's actually in love with him. She just doesn't like him giving his attention to another woman he's planning to marry. 

During a scene where Michael is getting fitted for his tuxedo, he gives Jules the ring to "guard with her life." Why Jules has to be there for his fitting and why he gives Jules, of all people, the ring (instead of his best man or a family member) is really irrelevant. It's just all part of the plot. It's at this moment, when someone is measuring Michael and when they're in a store with other people (including George, who is also there for plot's sake) roaming around that Jules decides she's going to tell Michael her feelings for him. She never does because she gets distracted when Michael sees George and asks her who he is (he knows he's with Jules). She tells him that he's her "best friend these days", then does something totally insane and tells him they're engaged. To make him jealous, I guess? The audience find out that Jules decided to make George her fiancé the same time as George himself. She just announce it in front of him and makes a facial expression at him, pleading him to go along with her. Michael thinks it's quite peculiar that they're engaged because whenever Jules spoke about him, he sensed that George was gay (I guess she never outright told him he was gay?) Jules tells him that "George likes to pretend he's gay" which is the weirdest (and pretty offensive) thing. Michal asks George the very reasonable question, "Why would you do that?" and George tells him he finds that it attracts women, and it especially worked for for Jules. This is very baffling and makes no sense, but Michael seems satisfied with the answer because it's what the plot of the movie needs him to do. However, you would think that if Jules is his best friend, he would know about this weird fetish of hers. Just saying!

Jules bring George to the church where they're having the rehearsal and he meets a super excited and screeching Kimmy and her family (well, only Kimmy is super excited and screeching; her family is more composed.) I had to laugh when she asks George why they weren't told about the engagement and George, who is having way too much fun with this charade, says, "I wanted to shout it from the rooftops, but Jules said, 'No, this is Kimmi's day, let's not take the attention away from Kimmy.'" This makes Kimmy even more happy and she hugs Jules even more tighter.

Probably the most famous and memorable scene of the movie comes next. It's the "I Say a Little Prayer For You" scene. Do I need to say more? While I remembered that scene, I didn't remember what prompted everyone to break out into the Dionne Warwick song. After the rehearsal, everyone goes out for lunch at Barry the Cuda's, the only restaurant I've ever seen with a piano! Since Jules pulled George into this whole mess, he's making the most of it and is having fun playing along and getting back at Jules. Kimmy tells Jules she's so happy Jules found "the man of her dreams" who was "right in front of her" after she heard stories from Michael of her going through so many boyfriends and never finding anyone. Again, George made me laugh when Jules looks at Michael who's sitting across the table from her and George hisses in her ear, "She's talking about me!" One of the family members asks how they met and Jules says something truthful for once, that George is her editor. It's George who embellishes the story when he says they knew each other even before then and that he first met Jules at a mental institution! At first, I thought he was implying SHE was a patient there, but she was there to see a French chef that she had "sent insane with a bad review" and he was there at the same time visiting someone who thought they were Dionne Warwick. And thus, that's how the singalong came about, complete with the waiters waving their lobster claw mitts. I have to admit that's a pretty specific story to come up on the fly like that! 

When George goes back to New York, Jules tells Michael that George isn't her fiancé so it seems like she's actually doing the right thing, but in the same breath she continues to lie about it and says that they were once engaged: "It's been over for ages, but he can't accept it." Michael admits to her that when she told him she was engaged that he got "this really strange feeling" and was "crazy jealous." So it seems like he doesn't want her to be with anyone either. Christ, these two deserve each other! He wants to spend some alone tine with her that afternoon, so they go on a boat tour of Chicago where they slow dance on the back of the boat while Michael sings "The Way You Look Tonight", which is their song. He mentions that he and Kimmy don't have a song yet. He calls Jules "the woman in my life" and Jules calls him "the man in my life" and they both note that this will be the last time they will have together alone. (Though, it's really not). Jules tells him it feels like he's saying goodbye to her. I never got the feeling that they wouldn't see each other anymore just because he got married. They can still be friends, excuse me, best friends. There is a moment when it seems like Jules is about to tell him her feelings but the moment passes them by. Obviously, they must have never talked about how they felt about each other, but again, I think they only want the other one when they're engaged (or pretend engaged in Jules' case). If they were both single, they would not be interested in each other at all. I'm sure there's a psychological term for this; whatever the big fancy word for "you only want what you can't have" is. The both of them are really quite irritating. 

Does Jules accept that Michael is getting married to Kimmy and that she must move on with her life? Oh, no, she still thinks there is time to sabotage the wedding and make Michael come back running to her. The day before the wedding she goes to Kimmy's father's company, Wallace Companies. Her goal is to sneak onto his computer when he's out to lunch and compose an e-mail to Michael's boss. This whole scene is bananas beserk. Not just because of the fraud she's about to commit, but apparently the people who worked on this movie had no idea how e-mail worked. In the late '90s. I'm sorry, what? By 1997, maybe not everybody used e-mail, but I would think SOMEBODY on the entire cast or crew of this movie would know how to use e-mail or how it worked or at least knew somebody who did. This is what I'm talking about: after she gets into his e-mail (which is an icon on his computer...okay...), she chooses "new letter" from the options and a screen pop ups where you can write your message. At the top, it says "E-mail address" and there's a "To" and "From" line. She physically types out, and I swear I am not joking, "Eric Isaacson, Senior Editor, Sport Magazine" in the "To" column and "Walter Wallace" in the "From" column. I'm sorry, but WHAT THE ACTUAL YOU-KNOW-WHAT?! Like I said before, nobody on this movie's crew had a freakin' teenager who had an AOL account with some stupid e-mail like SupaGirl83@aol.com? They couldn't confer with somebody who knew how e-mail worked? Could they not get permission from yahoo or hotmail or aol or whoever else you could get email through back then? Then just make up your own @whatever.com Also, if she's sending it from Wallace's computer, why does she have to physically type it's from him? I don't sign my name every time I send an e-mail; people already know it's from me because my name is already there! Good Lord, this scene is so stupid! There's no excuse for not knowing how e-mail worked in 1997! None! But wait, there's more! So Jules composes a message to Michael's boss (whose e-mail address probably would have been eissacson@sportmag.com if this movie took place in the real world) telling him, as Walter Wallace, that he's offered Michael "a great opportunity in my company" and that Michael won't accept the offer while he works for him. So I'm not sure if Jules wanted Michael's boss to fire him or give him his permission to quit? 

After she's finished writing the message, she gets a popup box asking, "Do you want to send?" and gives her a yes or no option. In the end, she decides not to send it because she doesn't want Michael to get fired (would he really get fired for that? If anything, I would think his boss would want to talk to him about it). She gets a second option where she can choose either "save for later" or "delete". Again, not how e-mail works. She chooses the former and justifies it as "It's not like I'm sending it...I'm saving it for a few hours 'til we come back and Michael can see it." Alright, so her plan is for Michael to see the e-mail and probably assume this was Kimmy's idea and never want to see or talk to her again. Well, guess what. After Jules saves the letter and leaves, we see Walter tell his secretary that he's "holding four or five e-mails he wrote" and wants her to send them out. Huh? Wha-? So he writes e-mails and doesn't send them out after they're composed? He just saves them and has his secretary click a button to send them out? But why? Oh, right, for the sake of the movie's plot. 

Before Jules can even continue on with her diabolical plan, while they're at her hotel, Michael receives a fax from his boss. Gee, whatever could this be about? Jules just assumes he's telling Michael congratulations because it's the night before the wedding, but instead the note says, "I think you need to know and deserve what you're marrying into." This seems...odd to me. Why didn't his boss just ask him about this supposed job opportunity his future father-in-law offered him. Look, what Jules did was wrong but it's not like she (as Wallace) threatened Michael's boss. While Michel calls Kimmy (because of course he thinks she was up to this) and blows up at her, Jules sits outside the door of her room and we see a cameo from a young Paul Giamatti who plays a bellhop. She's smoking and he tells her it's a nonsmoking floor. She tells him, "I am a dangerous, criminal person. I do bad things to honest people." I don't know, I wouldn't call her "dangerous"; more like "selfish" and "mean-spirited". 

When Michael gets off the phone with Kimmy, he tells Jules that she told Michael it's over because he's "crazy and paranoid". Oh, there was a scene earlier where Jules tried on the wedding ring (I guess the temptation was too much for her) and of course now it won't come off. Michael fixes this by putting her finger in his mouth and sucking it off. I'm pretty sure there's probably a less erotic way to get a stuck ring off a finger. Again, he's sending mixed signals to Jules. 

Because this whole fight took place the day before the wedding, the Sunday wedding brunch is still on because Kimmy hasn't told her parents that the wedding is cancelled (Probably because they would throw a fit if they went through all that prep work and money even if they are billionaires). No, the real reason is that Kimmy is still hoping for a miracle. As she tells Jules (because Michael wanted her to talk to Kimmy), "How could he think that my father and I would do such a thing?" We get another well-known scene where Jules compares Kimmy to creme brûlée and tells her that Michael would rather have Jell-O. I love Kimmy's aghast, "Jell-O? Why would he want Jell-O?" Because, yes why would anyone want Jell-O unless you're younger than six and older than eighty. I did love Jule's face when Kimmy says this, because of course, she is Jell-O in this analogy and is annoyed that Kimmy is looking down at Jell-O. She tells Kimmy that Michael is more comfortable with Jell-O. Kimmy says she could be Jell-O and Jules replies, "Creme brûlée could never be Jell-O...you could never be Jell-O." 

Kimmy tells Jules she still loves Michael and while there is truth to her wanting him to work for her father and that she wants to stay in school and have a life of her own, she would never make him do anything he didn't want to do. She asks Jules to tell Michael it's her fault and that she loves him, because she, Jules, "is the only person that I trust." Cut to Jules looking guilty. I find it a little (a lot) problematic that Kimmy wants Jules to tell Michael it's her fault...when its not! It's like when they got into the fight at the restaurant and she begged Michael to forgive her even though she did nothing wrong. I get the impression that he always has to be right and because of Kimmy's age (remember, she's only 20) it feels like she has to always be apologizing to him for her faults even though every time he gets angry with her, it's not her fault. If I were Kimmy, I would dump his ass! 

So Jules has the gall to tell Michael, "She admits that it's her fault. Totally, completely, inexcusably her fault." True, that is what Kimmy said, but Jules knows the truth and she could fix this right now, but no, she is still trying to break up the wedding, which she seems to have already accomplished. However, Michael and Kimmy still seem to want to make it work. Michael asks Jules, "Do you think she still loves me?" It takes her a few moments to answer, but she tells him that Kimmy does still love him. Michael wants Jules to tell Kimmy that he still wants to marry her if she'll have him. Good God, tell her yourself, dude! So everything slowly seems to be getting mended until Jules and Michael have a chat by the gazebo and Jules decides to make this the moment when she's going to confess her feelings for him and tell him that she loves him. She tells him she knows this "comes at a very inopportune time" (yeah, no kidding!) and wants him to "Choose me..marry me." Hmm, is this where Meredith Grey got the inspiration for her "Pick me" speech to Derek? Jules kisses him and of course (OF COURSE!) Kimmy just happens to see them. She runs off, Michael runs after her, and Jules runs after him. Kimmy's mother sees them all running and doesn't seem to be concerned that her daughter is running away in distress. They all get into cars (well, Jules steals a catering van) and continue to chase each other. I thought this was when Kimmy's terrible driving was going to come in play; that she was so upset that she has an accident, but no, nothing like that happens. Again, what was the point of making her an irresponsible driver? Oh, right, because it's so hilarious. 

Once again, Jules calls George for his advice because she can't do anything on her own. This time he's listening to a book reading at a bookstore and when his phone rings, he takes the call when he's still sitting in the audience Dude, if you're going to answer the phone, at least get up and go to a private area. Jules is screaming so loud that everyone in the bookstore can hear her and their attention goes from the author (I assume the person reading the book was the author) to George who then gets up and goes to another part of the store. After Jules gets him up to speed and tells him she and Michael kissed, George asks her, "Was there anything on the other side of that kiss that leads you to believe that this chase will end happily?" After Jules tells him Kimmy interrupted them and what was going on at the moment, he's very blunt but truthful when he says, "Michael's chasing Kimmy and you're chasing Michael? Who's chasing you? Nobody. Get it?There's your answer." Honestly, it's like George is the Voice of Reason in this movie. Why is he friends with Jules? She is a terrible person. Before hanging up, George tells her, "The wedding is at six. You have a small, but distinct window of opportunity to do the right thing."

Jules, for once, does decide to do the right thing. She catches up to Michael at the train station who went there because that's where he proposed to Kimmy, so he thought he might find her there. Jules confesses that the e-mail his boss got was written by her. She tries to rectify it by saying it wasn't supposed to get sent; that she just wanted him to see it and get mad at Kimmy. Either way she spins it, it's not good. She feels terrible about everything and compares herself to "the fungus that feeds on pond scum." Michael tells her she's even lower than that, but then takes her hand and says, "On the other hand, thank you for loving me that much" and tells her he thinks what she did is pretty flattering. Oh my God! Why does he keep sending her mixed signals? Also, why is he forgiving her so soon? If I were him, I would not invite her to the wedding, I would tell her it would be a long time before I would even consider forgiving her. The woman tried to sabotage his wedding, but for some reason, he takes it as a compliment? Huh? Honestly, I'm surprised the movie didn't have them end up together because they really deserve each other and Kimmy could have done a lot better. 

Jules assures Michael they will find Kimmy before the wedding. I forget how, but somehow she gets a tip

she went to the baseball stadium and she finds her in the bathroom stall. If I were upset, the last place I would want to go is the women's bathroom of a baseball stadium. Actually, that's the last place I want to be, regardless of how I'm feeling. There must have been a game playing because all of these women are crowded in the bathroom and are witnessing the fight Kimmy and Jules are having. In these COVID times, it's a very troubling scene. The women are cheering for Kimmy as she lets Jules have it. Jules admits, "I  tried to steal him. I lost. He doesn't love me. He loves you. I'd like to take you to the church so you can walk down the aisle and marry the man of our dreams cuz he sure wants to marry you." This makes Kimmy happy and the two women hug as the other spectators clap. 

Not loving Kimmy's dress

The last scene is the wedding. It's a nice wedding, but honestly, for billionaires, you think it would be beyond lavish and extravagant. And also, I don't like Kimmy's wedding dress. It looks cheap to me. Despite everything she's done, Jules still gets to make a speech: "I had the strangest dream. I dreamt that a psychopath was trying to break the two of you up." Kimmy and Michael just smile like it's so adorable...um, no. Her speech continues: "Luckily, I woke up and I see that the world is just as it should be. For my best friend has won the best woman." Good God, she's still treating this like it's a competition? Jule's wedding present for the newly weds is to have her the two other bridesmaids (Rachel Griffiths and Carrie Present), sing "The Way You Look Tonight". I guess it's "on loan" until Kimmy and Michael find their own song (they didn't have a song already planned for their first dance?). This feels like a cheap shot from Jules, I must say. It's like she's gotta remind Michael that he had a song from her before he had one with Kimmy. 

Once the wedding is over and Kimmy and Michael are leaving, Jules is trying to say goodbye in the large

crowd of people but can't seem to get to them. But Michael comes back through the throng of people to give her a hug. The movie ends with Jules getting a call (c'mon, did she really need to take her phone (which isn't even a smart phone, so it's not like she can do anything on it) to a wedding? Seems kinda rude). Turns out it's George calling her and turns out he's actually at the wedding! Is he a wedding crasher or did he get an invitation? Hmm, now that I think about it, I don't think Jules ever told Michael the real truth about George and she never apologized to George for pulling him into that stupid lie. George has the band sing "I Say a Little Prayer For You" and he and Jules dance. It is actually pretty cute. 

And Kimmy and Michale break up less than a year later. They don't say that, but, I honestly can't see those two lasting! 

Always a Bridesmaid

27 Dresses

Director: Anne Fletcher

Cast: Katherine Heigl, James Marsden, Malin Akerman, Edward Burns, Judy Greer 

Released: January 18, 2008

Viewed in theaters: January 24, 2008

This movie sort of reminded me of a weird agglomeration of My Best Friend's Wedding and Runaway Bride. The former because our main character, Jane (Katherine Heigl), has to watch her sister get prepared to marry the man that she (that would be Jane) has been in love with for years and she even tries to sabotage the engagement at one point and the latter because there's a newspaper story angle to this story.

Jane absolutely loves everything about weddings. She loves being there for her friends and helping them prepare for their big day. Uh, why isn't she a wedding planner? This is literally what she was put on this earth to do, but instead she works at some company called Urban Everest that sells outdoor stuff? I'm not sure. She's the assistant for the company's boss, George (Edward Burns), who she's in love with, but he only sees her as a devoted employee and a good friend.  

The beginning of the movie starts with Jane being a bridesmaid at TWO wedding in the same night, so she's taking a taxi back and forth from Manhattan to Brooklyn all night. Good Lord, when Robin Williams had to pretend to be Mrs. Doubtfire to celebrate a birthday (?...I don't remember) with his family and also be his character for a job interview with that one guy, at least he chose the same restaurant! Well, I don't think he chose it, but he just got lucky that both events were at the same restaurant. Anyway, this girl is crisscrossing across the city several times while changing her dress, shoes, and accessories each time. She hires a taxi for the night and offers the driver $300 for the night, but that seems very low, even for 2008 money. She knocks him down to $140 because he kept looking in his rearview mirror when she was in the backseat changing. While I'm sure he snuck looks when he wasn't supposed to, he is a taxi driver and does need to look in the rearview mirror to do his job. He would have made a lot more money by not being her chauffeur that night! 

At one of the weddings she's at, she catches the eye of a guest named Kevin (James Marsden) who notices that she's looking at her watch while she's standing besides the bride. Later, he will see her get in the cab and start changing.  

When she's back at the same wedding as Kevin, she gets knocked over when she's trying to catch the bouquet and another girl bumps into her and Jane hits her head on the floor. Kevin helps her and this is their "meet cute." He helps her to her cab and rides with her to her home. There's really no reason for him to ride with her except to advance the plot. Having a guy share a taxi with you to your home after you've just met him after hurting your head seems like a very idea but maybe that's just because I listen to too many true crime podcasts! After they introduce themselves to each other and Kevin mentions that he's a writer, he tells her that he saw her changing in the cab and knows she was at another wedding that night. She says two of her good friends happened to get married on the same day and she loves wedding. (She really must love weddings to have to go through all that! I think you just need to choose one wedding to attend and just buy an extra nice gift for the one you missed.) He asks her, "Which part? The forced merriment, the horrible music, or the bad food?" I'm going to hazard a guess that Kevin does not feel the same about weddings as Jane does! Obviously, Jane is not impressed with his disdain for weddings. 

After Jane is dropped off at her apartment and the taxi drives off with Kevin, he sees something on the floor and it's Jane's day planner. Actually, she'll refer to it as her FiloFax later on, a word I was not familiar with. I guess that's a brand name? I will say they do look pretty nice and I kind of want one now even though I would probably never use it! He's about to tell the driver to turn back, but changes his mind. 

At Jane's place, we get a quick glance of the coat closet that holds all of her bridesmaids dresses. Since there are so many of them and a few of them have pouffy skirts, it's almost impossible for her to shut the double doors. There are several hooks on the inside of the doors that hold purses and hats. Her idea of unwinding after a big day is sitting down and reading The New York Journal's "Commitments" section, which is articles about people getting married written by a Malcolm Doyle. The wedding-obsessed Jane loves reading about couples' upcoming nuptials and how they met. 

Well, guess what? The next day we see that Kevin works at The New York Journal. (Do you think it's a mix between The New York Times and The Wall Street Journal? Because if you do, you would be totally wrong.) He's Malcolm Doyle. He's the one that writes the romantic and heartfelt stories that Jane loves so much. I do appreciate that the movie doesn't make this some stupid "twist" for the audience to find out later; they tell you who he is in the scene after we see Jane reading that section of the paper. Now, she won't find out for awhile, but for now, the audience knows who he is. Kevin tells his boss he's got a great idea for a story and is hoping it will get him out of writing for the Commitments section because he hates it and wants to be writing "real" stories. His boss agrees and tells him he has one chance to write a story that will impress her. 

At Jane's job, she sees there are a basket of flowers on her desk with no note. She thinks they might be from George. Everyone she works with knows she has it bad for him. Everyone but George that is. 

One of Jane's co-workers/friends, Casey, is played by Judy Greer, and I admit, when I first saw her, I immediately recognized her but I couldn't think of her name! I did eventually remember it a few minutes later, but it made me think of this commercial she was in about a year ago, you know the one where she goes, "What is my name?" I'm sorry that I almost forgot your name, Judy Greer!

Jane's beautiful younger sister, Tess (Malin Ackerman), comes to visit. She's been living in Italy for the past six months where she designs handbags...I think? I'm not sure. All I know she's involved in the fashion industry because she mentions that "the fall fashion shows are done." She's staying with Jane and calls her apartment "tiny and cute" and there's no way that apartment would be considered "tiny" for NYC! 

One of Jane's co-workers (played by Krysten Ritter) is having an engagement party and Jane invites her sister (oh, she's going to regret that), but Tess tells her she's meeting friends, but she might show up later. 

At the party, George asks Jane if she got "that thing" he left on her desk that morning and she gets excited, thinking he's talking about the flowers, but later, she'll realize he was referring to a dry cleaning slip he left on her desk. Ouch. To make matters worse, her beautiful sister with her beautiful blonde hair (damn that Malin Ackerman and her Swedish-born beauty!) comes sauntering in the room in a beautiful dress and catches the eye of George. These guys hit it off fast and I mean fast. Jane sees it happening right in front of her and she is devastated, but she doesn't let it show. It gets even worse when Kevin shows up (since he had her FiloFax, he knew about the engagement party) and asks Jane if she got the flowers. Yeah, I knew they were from him. He returns her FiloFax to her. 

Tess and George go out for drinks and Jane starts cleaning her kitchen at three in the morning because her sister still isn't back yet. When Tess comes back, she barely even notices that her sister is cleaning at an ungodly hour and instead asks her if she thinks it's weird that she went out with her boss and Jane says no even though the way she's acting, she's obviously not okay with it. But her sister is oblivious (her head is in the clouds) and tells her she and George are having lunch tomorrow.

Tess wants to know all about George, so Jane tells her that he dropped out of college and "climbed every peak in the world" which makes sense since he "would rather spend all his time outside than anywhere else." He started his business, Urban Everest, from his apartment and turned it into "one of the most eco-friendly, philanthropic businesses in the world." I still have no idea what exactly the business sells or does, but I'm going to say it sells outdoor camping equipment. He also has a dog that he loves more than anything and doesn't eat red meat. Tess is all dreamy, commenting about how he sounds amazing, but Jane is quick to point out that he also has flaws and cites him hating cashews as one. The hell? How is that a flaw? Another "flaw" is that he doesn't wear socks with sneakers, which is a bit odd, but again, who cares. Tess even points out that those aren't flaws.

They have breakfast with their dad the next morning (I should mention their mother died when they were both younger) and he asks Tess how long she's in town. Jane confirms with her that it's only two weeks, but Tess says "It depends on how a few things pan out." This has Jane a little freaked out and at work, she's in a very bad mood because Tess is also there, flirting with George (who called her that morning) and when Jane flips through her FiloFax, she is annoyed that Kevin has written his name and number in several pages of it. 

George has a "little brother" who he's a Big Brother for named Pedro, who's probably eleven or twelve. When he introduces him to Tess, she says "Hola, Pedro" in a really loud voce even though he literally just spoke English seconds before. George tells Jane that he and Tess are taking Pedro to his baseball game and invites her to join them. She refuses at first, but he insists that she join them, joking that her boss is a jerk.  

At the concession stand, George orders some Cokes and fries and asks them if they want anything else. Jane says she wants a chili dog and asks Tess if she wants one too. Tess says no, replying that she's recently become a vegetarian (probably when she found out George was one!). Of course, this prompts George to tell her that he's a vegetarian too. Tess tells him that every time she goes hiking, she brings her own "homemade tofurky jerky". While all this is going on, Jane is making a WTF face. Probably because she knows her sister isn't a vegetarian and doesn't like the outdoors. George tells her that she doesn't seem like "the kind of girl that hits the trails" and I get it because she wears heels and always has her hair and make up done and is usually wearing outfits that aren't exactly for the great outdoors. She tells him that she loves "all the outdoorsy type of stuff" and I laughed when when she said "like hiking and biking and climbing...up things." 

We next get a montage of George and Tess getting closer and Jane having to witness all of it. One evening, before leaving work, Jane notices that George forgot his wallet (it's on his desk under a bunch of papers) and she looks at his schedule and sees he's at a restaurant. She takes a taxi there and when she walks in, there are roses on a table and two waiters lift up a sign that says, "Will you marry me?" George comes out and tells them to put the sign down because "she's not the one." Ouch! Then Tess walks in at that moment and the sign goes back up and George's dog comes out with the ring box around its neck and George starts to propose. Jane is trying to get the hell out of there (I don't blame her!), but a band comes out and starts playing and they're blocking her path. It's all so awkward. Even if Jane didn't have feelings for George, it would still be incredibly awkward as she's sort of unwillingly becomes part of this proposal. You would think George would thank her for bringing his wallet, then wait for her to leave before he started his proposal to Tess. The restaurant appears to be empty, so he must have rented it out for the evening. 

Things start happening pretty fast. Tess tells Jane that Malcolm Doyle (and we all know who he really is!) wants to do a Commitments column on her and George. We also find out they're getting married in three weeks! This seems insane because that's probably the amount of time they've known each other, if that! This is because Tess wants to get married at the Boathouse in Central Park because that's where her and Jane's parents got married. She had called several times and there was no availability for eighteen months, but the ninth time she called, she got lucky because there was a cancellation hence the reason the wedding is in three weeks. 

While Jane is with the newly engaged couple to order a cake at a bakery, Kevin comes in and Jane asks what he's doing there. He introduces himself to the couple as Malcolm Doyle and Jane is surprised (but not the audience!). She is super mortified when Tess introduces her (Jane) to Malcolm and tells him she's "obsessed" with his stories and that she's his "number one fan". When asked why he said his name was Kevin, he tells her that is his name and he uses Malcolm for the byline so he doesn't "get stalked by the crazy brides." Jane is not happy because he's been lying to her this whole time. She takes him aside to tell him this; he replies that he told her he was a writer but didn't tell her what he wrote. Jane doesn't understand because he writes "the most beautiful things." She asks him, "Do you actually believe in love and marriage and just pretend to be a cynic, or are you actually a cynic who knows how to spin romantic crap for girls like me." He tells it's the latter which probably just enrages her even more! 

Later, Kevin comes over to Jane's place and tells her he has to interview the friends and family of the engaged couple. (You would think he would call to make this appointment or ask her to set up a time for an interview when he saw her at the bakery.) Jane isn't too thrilled to talk to him, but agrees to do it for her sister. When he asks how she feels about Tess's "whirlwind romance", she tells him she couldn't be happier. 

It doesn't take long before he sees the closet full of her bridesmaid dresses. (Well, it's not that hard since the doors won't stay shut!) He is flabbergasted that she kept them all and when asked why (something I'm sure every viewer was wondering), she replies, "I have a lot of friends and I like to keep them." WTF? This makes no sense. I'm sure she has pictures of her in these dresses next to the bride; isn't that enough for her? Why is she keeping all these dresses (many she'll never wear again) in a pretty good-sized closet where she could keep other, more practical things like coats and shoes and boots and umbrellas and cold-weather gear. Hell, she could even keep a vacuum in there if she wanted! Why not give them to a consignment shop? That's what my mom did after I wore the dress the one time I was a bridesmaid. Holding on to all of these dresses is just weird and unhealthy and does Jane have a therapist? Because maybe she needs one. Now, if she had been a bridesmaid only once, maybe twice, even three times, I wouldn't really blink about her keeping her dresses, but twenty-seven? TWENTY F***ING SEVEN dresses? The hell? (Well, technically I guess it's 26 because the 27th will come in play later.)

Kevin sarcastically tells her it makes sense she would want to keep all of them because they're so beautiful. She replies that they're not that bad and he wants to see one that's "not that bad". She picks out an olive green dress which he thinks the color is "vomit". She says the bride told her it would look good on anyone and into his recorder (in front of her, no less!), he states that she's "slightly delusional and will believe anything anybody tells her." She tells him she's going to show him he's wrong and goes to her bridegroom to change into the dress.

While she's gone, he snaps a few photos of all the dresses in the closet and takes one of her when she comes back. He admit the dress itself isn't that bad, but thinks the color is still awful. 

Guess what happens next? Of course it's a montage of Jane in all the dresses! At first, I was going to do something insane and count all the dresses to see if there were indeed twenty-seven (or twenty-six) and I was even going to take notes on some of the dresses, but then I realized, I bet someone already did that for me. And I was right. Some dresses are worse than others and some are just god awful. They must have had Katherine Heigl try on all the dresses and take pictures of her in them because you see Kevin going through his camera and see all the pictures of her in the different dresses. We also see some flashbacks of her at the weddings, mostly theme weddings like where she's riding a horse in a cowgirl getup or underwater in scuba gear. Who the hell gets married underwater? I mean, besides a mermaid? 

Jane has a lot of fun trying on all the dresses. She tells Kevin she doesn't mind wearing the dresses because she knows it means a lot to the bride and she wants to make her friends happy and she knows when it's her big day, they'll be there for her too. Hmm, could this be foreshadowing? (Yes, it totally is.)

Kevin's boss asks him how his article is going and he tells her he's still working on it. She reads what he has so far and likes it and wants to run it next Sunday on the front page of the section. He wants to hold it a week because he's not quite done with it and tells his boss that Jane is more than "a perpetual bridesmaid" and that "there's a lot more to her than that." He asks for another week and his boss agrees. 

A few things are revealed in the next couple of scenes. We find out that Kevin is cynical about marriage because he was once married and his wife left him for his college roommate. Actually, Jane randomly guesses that for the reason why he hates marriage and turns out she was right! We really don't get too much about this backstory. 

Also, Kevin finds out that Jane is in love with her sister's fiancé. Jane is meeting George to go over the menu and Kevin needs to talk to Jane about something and he finds out where she is, so he sees her chatting and laughing with George. I don't know if I would surmise that she's in love with him just because they're enjoying each other's company, but whatever, I guess they need it for the sake of the plot. Before Kevin had arrived and interrupted them, George was telling Jane how much he admires Tess because "she's not afraid to be herself" which we all know is a lie! You can tell Jane wants to tell him that everything Tess has told him is pretty much a lie (she's not a vegetarian, she's not a dog person, and she's not a girl who loves the outdoors!), but she just tells him that she's happy that he and Tess found each other. 

After Kevin shows up, he offers to go with Jane to pick up linens or something. George was supposed to go, but he's gotta meet his parents and yada, yada, yada, they movie just needs an excuse for Jane and Kevin to be in the same car together and that's how they got there. While they're driving, a heavy rainstorm has started. Kevin is goading her about George and tells her he knew she had a thing for her sister's fiancé "the second I saw you mooning over him over polenta." Jane denies this, but he keeps egging her on and she gets angry and soon the car runs off the road and spins around and falls into a muddy ditch by a tree. They're unharmed but there's no way they'll be able to get the car out of the ditch. Then end up at a karaoke bar where they have a drink (and maybe a few more) and start dancing on the bar while singing "Benny and the Jets." After they get down from the bar, Kevin admits to her that he "cried like a baby during the Keller wedding" and this makes Jane passionately kiss him. Earlier at the bar, while having their first drink, she was quizzing him on the articles he wrote about the couples he interviewed and he tells her he didn't remember that particular one. They end up making out, then return to the car where they have sex. Okay, ten bucks says he didn't cry at all during that wedding, but just told her because he knew it would score points with her. Yes, maybe I really just am that cynical! 

The next morning they grab breakfast at a diner while they wait for a tow truck to get the car. Some guy comes up to them and remembers them as "Benny and the Jets" from the night before. The waitress pours their coffee and tells Jane, "You're that girl." Jane thinks the's referring to the karaoke bar, but she's actually referring to seeing her in the paper as Kevin's article has come out one week earlier then he expected. Guess his boss didn't listen to him after all! It's a full page article with many pictures (if not all!) of Jane and her many bridesmaid dresses. The caption reads, "Always, Always, Always a Bridesmaid." Kevin tries to explain he told his editor not to run it and that nobody reads that section anyway. Jane is pissed and walks away, but not before slapping him. When she comes home, Tess is there and she's also read the article. She's furious because Kevin wrote, "If Jane is the prototypical accommodating bridesmaid, than her sister, Tess, is cast as the overbearing, overindulged bride-to-be, who at any moment one worries might start stomping around Manhattan, berating fire and swatting planes from the sky." Hmm, have we seen any evidence of this? Tess may be a bit high-maintenance, but I wouldn't compare her to a Bridezilla. 

Kevin tries to call Jane many times to apologize, but she won't answer his calls. Not only is Jane angry at him, but she's also angry at her sister when she finds out that, in a very Pretty in Pink move, she has cut up their mother's dress (which her father said she could wear) and used parts of it in her new, more modern dress. Jane is furious that she did that and goes off on her, telling her that she's going to have to tell George the truth about her. 

It just so happens that the couple's engagement party is that night and Jane had the responsibility of creating the slideshow. Tess had given her a script to read during it and wants to make sure that Jane reads it word for word and Jane promises her she will. Tess must think very highly of herself as this is the opening line she wrote for her sister to read: "Tess and George are a perfect couple. No, a divine couple. A couple whose love is the stuff of myths. Their compatibility is so exact that is can only be described as having been designed by the gods." 

Jane is true to her word and reads what Tess wrote to her, but she has picked photos of her sister that aren't the most flattering. Not that she doesn't look good in them, but while the photos of George show him volunteering at a soup kitchen or visiting the UN, the pictures of Tess are of her flirting with boys or wearing a bikini for a car wash or stuffing her face with barbecue ribs. 

Jane ends with the words Tess wrote for her to read: "And today Tess and George still share the same values. Their love is based on a deep understanding and acceptance of who the other person really is."

Things get worse when Casey tries to clear this awkward moment by shooing Jane away and inviting Pedro up to say a few words. He mentions how great George is as his Big Brother and how happy he is that George has Tess who he calls "really cool" because she's going to help him "start [his] own cleaning business." In an earlier scene, Jane had gone to George's apartment where her sister was staying. George was gone for the day and when Jane comes over, she hears a vacuum, and then sees Pedro vacuuming. Tess tells Jane that she's paying him to clean the apartment, but wants to keep it a secret. Guess Pedro was so excited about his new business that he couldn't keep his mouth shut! Boy, George was not happy about that! I think he (maybe) could have forgiven Tess for lying about being a vegetarian, but her exploiting Pedro like that definitely wasn't a good look. 

To no one's surprise, the wedding is off and when Tess tells this to Jane, she adds, "I hope you're happy." (For the record, she isn't, but let's be real, I bet she's a little relieved that her younger sister isn't marrying her boss). Jane goes outside, upset, and Kevin is there to apologize since she won't answer his calls. He apologizes and says he wanted to be there for her because he knew this night was gonna be rough for her and tells her he thinks she "deserves to be taken care of for a change." It's a sincere apology and he also gifts her with a Blackberry. He tells her it's "so [she] doesn't have to carry around the crazy FiloFax from 1987." Considering you can still buy FiloFaxes in 2024, I very much doubt hers is from '87! Also, maybe she preferred to carry it around and it's just easier for her to write things down then type it down. I get he meant well, but he shouldn't have just assumed she would have wanted a new phone.  

The sisters talk and Tess tells Jane that she stayed in New York because she was fired from her job (still not exactly sure what she did) and her Italian boyfriend dumped her. As she tells Jane, when she met George, he was nice to her and treated her well and she "wanted to be someone that he wanted"; she "was trying to be someone who deserved him, someone he could respect." She basically tells Jane she was trying to be her. 

Later that day, Jane gets a call from George who asks her to be his date to some benefit thing (since he no longer has a significant other in his life!) that really doesn't matter. This scene is just so she can apologize to him for what she did during the slide show. It's also so she can quit her job and confess that the only reason she stayed was because she was in love with him. They end up kissing (twice) and realize neither of them feels sparks for the other. Can you imagine kissing someone that you liked and they didn't feel anything for you? Ouch. But luckily, these two kids' feelings are mutual. I didn't like this scene. I get why Jane quits, but I don't know why we need to see them kiss. I guess this is just to show the audience that these two aren't meant for each other. Well, duh. It just seems so unnecessary when we know she's going to end up with Kevin, if anyone. 

Speaking of which...they get together and one year passes and the movie ends with their wedding. I've heard some people on podcast reviews of this movie complain that it doesn't make sense that the anti-marriage Kevin would want to get married. Well, he was burned by his first wife, but then he met Jane and his views on love and marriage changed. That's the story I'm going with anyway. 

The 27th dress is Jane's wedding dress. Remember when I said it was foreshadowing when Jane told Kevin that her friends would there for her big day just like she was there for theirs? Well, we see Tess and Casey as her bridesmaids in strapless pale yellow dresses, then the camera pans out and we see a line of women wearing all of her bridesmaid dresses. I assume they're all the brides of which the original bridesmaid dress was worn at their wedding and now Jane is getting back at them for making her wear these horrendous dresses  returning the favor and letting them be in her wedding. After they show Tess and Casey, we see Krysten Ritter and she's wearing the black goth dress with the spiky collar which is the dress Jane wore when she was a bridesmaid for her wedding. 

I am a little confused by a couple of things:

1. I Googled a still shot of this scene and counted the bridesmaid dresses. There are 27, not counting Tess's and Casey's. I thought Jane's wedding dress was supposed to be the 27th so shouldn't there only be 26 women modeling 26 dresses? I looked at two rankings of the 27 dresses and both of them had Jane's wedding dress as #1 so they're counting the wedding dress as one of the titular 27 dresses. I suppose if I took the time, I could look at the photo and see which dress wasn't part of the ranking, but, yeah, I'm not gonna do that. 

2. After Jane quits her job and before she reconciles with and starts dating Kevin, we see her clean out her closet and throw away her dresses! At least, I assume she threw them away because she's stuffed them into several trash bags. I guess she could have given them to a consignment shop, but I would think she would put them in garment bags if she did that. So if she threw them out, how did these women wear her dresses? Did they have to go out and buy a replica of them? Did she go digging through the trash? (I highly doubt that!) Or did the movie just forget that scene or just not care? 

Fourth season!

I have once again completed another season of Beverly Hills 90210 and the gang have headed for college at California University! I will give an account for each character in alphabetical order:

Andrea - First of all, I love it when Andrea gets pissed off whenever somebody calls her "Andrea" and she goes, "It's AUNDrea." Andrea, who was the star newspaper writer in high school applies to be on the college paper, but decides she doesn't want to join the team when she has to write a review about the Peach Pit and doesn't want to write pieces about her friends that may paint them in a bad light. Obviously they didn't want Aundrea going in the same direction she did in high school, so they went in a different direction. Andrea starts dating her R.A./teacher (uh, I don't remember any of my R.A.s being teacher even if this guy is a grad student) and sadly, the first guy she ever sleeps with is just butt-ugly. I mean, damn, Andrea, it was true you were a lot cuter in high school with your curly hair and glasses (wait - isn't that suppose to make girls uglier? But for some reason Andrea needs curly hair and glasses to look attractive!), but dang, girl you could do better than that ugly (and racist as we soon learn!) ass! Luckily Aundrea comes to her senses and dumps Dan Rubin's ass and starts dating Jesse, a Latino studying law. She becomes pregnant because I guess Gabrielle Carteris was pregnant in real life. She and Jesse get married and she's planning on moving to San Fransico with Jesse where he's been offered a job. Does this mean no more Andrea in Beverly Hills? I certainly would not care if she left! Her baby girl was born a premie, but it looks like everything will be okay. They name her Hannah. 

Brandon - Brandon is talked into running for student body president because of how he organized rallies when he was in high school (and you have to give him lots of props because that was before Facebook was invented so he couldn't just send an invite out to everyone). His main opponent, who also writes for "The Condor", the college paper, is not happy that Brandon is the school's new golden boy and plans to find out if he has any skeletons in his closet. Brandon has a summer fling with a slightly older woman from NYC (it's Jenny Calendar!) but she's only in two episodes, so that doesn't go anywhere. Brandon's main storyline with a woman involves a twenty-seven year old married grad student/teacher. She starts flirting hardcore with Brandon before he knows she's married and when he finds out she's married to his sociology teacher who has asked him to tutor a star athlete, he asks her to back off. The athlete finds out that she is flirting with Brandon and tells Brandon that if he doesn't take his test for him, then he's going to tell the professor that his wife is cheating on him with Brandon. Well, Brandon doesn't take the bait because he knows there is nothing going on between them. Lucinda, the married women gets a divorce from her husband and she and Brandon start having a relationship. When Brandon finds out that she kissed Dylan, he gets jealous and tells her it's off...but she's still very persistent. Speaking of persistent, there's another woman, or in this case, girl since she's a high school senior, who keeps throwing herself at Brandon. Her name is Claire Arnold and she's the chancellor's daughter. She is one fucking annoying character and unfortunately she's going to be in the series for a few more seasons because I looked her up. Ugh! She relentlessly is throwing herself at Brandon and won't take no for an answer even though he tells her he's not interested...but he does end up kissing her, so way to stay strong, Brandon. But, ugh, I can't stand girls who act like that...and god, this girl is gonna grate! Oh, remember Emily Valentine from season 2; the girl Brandon dated for awhile before she started getting into drugs, stalked him, and had to be sent to the psych ward? Well, Brandon just thought he would head up to San Francisco to visit her because she had been on his mind. Who doesn't want to visit their crazy ex? He goes to the address of her parents' home (apparently she was released) but it turns out some woman is living there and tells him the family before her moved to Athens. "As in [someplace in California]?" Brandon asks and the woman replies with, "As in Greece!" Ha! I was thinking as in Georgia. So Brandon is on a trolley and the camera pans over and you see none other than Emily Valentine herself sitting on the other side, so they're back to back. The scene is so stupid and contrived because just when Emily is about to get off and they're going to miss each other, Brandon gets up to move and he runs right into Emily. LOL, the actress playing Emily is so horrible. When she sees him, she's like "BRANDON!" Okay, well it's hard to do without seeing someone do it...but trust me, it's horrible. She's only in two episodes, but they rekindle their romance (you are so fucking stupid, Brandon) but they have to end it because Emily is moving to France to study marine biology....uh, when the hell did that happen? I don't remember her being interested in marine biology... Brandon ends the season by going to Washington D.C. with the task force and there he meets President Bill Clinton. They show actual footage of Clinton at an outdoor event, but when they show Brandon meeting "Clinton", it is so obviously fake. He's only shown shaking hands with the president with a side view and a back view of "Clinton". The side view you can see the profile of "Clinton's" face and you can so obviously tell it's not Bill Clinton - I guess he didn't want to meet Jason Priestly! He also ends the season by sleeping with Kelly and starting a relationship with her...he took her to a retreat while she was still dating Dylan because he was dating Lucinda at the time and obviously he couldn't take a teacher to a school retreat, so he asked Kelly to go with him and they kissed while they were there and that's where they found out they had feelings for each other. Of course they do.

Brenda - Last season on Beverly Hills, 90210...Brenda decided she was going to college at the University of Minnesota and she's only there for the first two episodes (and they show the campus which is cool because that's where my brother went to school!) before she decides she misses Beverly Hills, her friends, and the warm weather (apparently the year she went back was supposed to be the coldest winter in Minnesota's history! Hmm...I'll have to ask my sis-in-law if this is true since she grew up there!) At first she's not sure if she wants to go to college when she gets back, but of course she attends CU because that's where everyone else goes to school. Her father introduces her to his boss's son, Stewart, and he and Brenda start dating. It's only three weeks later when Stewart (Stuart?) proposes to her. Of course she says yes because he is rich, and while he is no Dylan McKay (but really, who is?) he's not that bad-looking. SERIOUSLY, BRENDA? THREE WEEKS???? The wedding is suppose to be in six months (her parents are very much against it - Jim and Cindy are sensible people), but his parents want it to be a huge event. Brenda and Stuart decide they're going to elope in Las Vegas. Brenda tells Brandon and makes him promise not to tell their parents. Because Brandon is the good son, he lets it slip to his parents, but tells them that he will go to Las Vegas and talk some sense into her. He also tells the other gang and of course they all have to come along :::rolls eyes::: We keep getting hints from Dylan that he knew Stuart in the past and apparently he's not such a great guy, but he won't say what he did even though Brandon keeps asking him. Um, dude, this is your ex-girlfriend and your best friend's sister....maybe you should care a little more about who she's gonna marry. Okay, maybe you shouldn't care who your ex is going to marry, but you should care enough to tell your best friend if that's his sister. It turns out, minutes before they about to tie the knot, that Brenda and Stuart realize they're rushing into things (you think?!) and call the wedding off. I thought they had also called their relationship off because for the longest time you don't see Stuart at all, but it turns out he had been in South America working on some business deal. He and Brenda break up after he gets mad at Brenda for locking the keys in the car and they're out in the desert. Yes, I can understand being upset about that, but he was a huge jerk about it and needless to say, they broke up. We find out that Brenda still has feelings for Dylan (surprise, surprise) and they kiss in the last episode. There's another plotline involving Brenda where she becomes an activist turned extremist for animal rights. The school's med lab, which Aundrea is a part of, uses animals as part of their research and Brenda, Kelly, and Donna are all against it. Brenda finds herself involved in an extremist group who plan to ransack one of the labs and set al the animals free. She thinks this means one of the labs Aundrea doesn't work in (I don't know what the difference is), but it is the very lab and she tries to tell everyone not to do it, that they're using the animals for a good cause, but they let all the animals lose anyway and they get caught because it turns out one of the people in their group was a FBI agent working undercover and he tells Brenda that he will drop the charges if she gives up names...so no jail time for Brenda, whew! Brenda, an aspiring actress, auditions for the lead role in "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof." Kelly also auditions for the lead, even though Brenda thought she was just going to audition for another part and she gets jealous when the director really likes Kelly. Kelly decides to drop out because acting isn't her passion. The only competition Brenda has left is a girl named Laura (who I will talk more about later) and even though Laura had a great audition and Brenda choked on hers, Brenda still got the part. Rumors go around that Brenda got the part because she slept with the director who is known for getting close to his leading ladies. I really can't blame people for thinking that because we see Brenda arrive at his house wearing a black dress and while we never see what goes on, I thought it was kind of implied she was there to make sure she got the part, if you know what I mean. But people believe that she never slept with him, even though she never denies it! Well, even though she choked at her audition, she did a great job at the actual performances. The director invites her to join an acting school in London for the summer. This was Shannen Doherty's last season. I will actually miss her because Brenda is one of the best characters!

David - David has moved into a townhouse on the beach with Kelly and Donna, only he has to pretend he doesn't live there when Donna's mom visits because she wouldn't approve. David and Donna, who were the school DJs at West Beverly High, apply for a job at the college radio station and the only slot available is the 3-6 am time. Donna wisely quits because she can't handle that and school work. David keeps up with it and gets help from Kenny, the station manager who supplies him with speed. I guess the best way to take speed is with orange juice? David gets so hooked on the stuff that he loses Erin, his little sister in the park (I knew she would be found since she's one of the main characters ofBeverly Hills, 90210: The New Class). He seems to clean up his drug habit (he ends up dumping all these pills that he was holding for a drug dealer down the toilet just seconds before the narcotics police show up), but at the end of the season he makes friends with a bunch of druggies so it looks like he's going to be a druggie again next season. He also breaks up with Donna twice. The first time is because she won't have sex with him, but then they get back together and he ends up cheating on her and she catches him. Oh David, you turd! 

Donna - So Donna and David break up. Donna finds a dog that has escaped from the animal lab that Brenda's little group ransacked and names him Rocky. He has cancer and dies two days later, but she gets a new puppy and names it Rocky Too. Stupid name. Donna's mom finds out that David is living with them, but she trusts Donna to use her best judgement. Donna ends up getting her own show during the day because she had to fill in for somebody and the guy was impressed with her. She also has a fling with some random guy when she goes skiing (this was during the time she and David were broken up for the first time), but realizes she loves David. 

Dylan - Dylan breaks up with Kelly, like twice. OMG WHO CARES??? I always liked Dylan better with Brenda anyway, but whatever. Dylan's story arc for the first half of the season is that he has recently bought a new Porsche (because he should only drive his classic one on "rainy days" - fuckin' rich kids!) and he ends up getting carjacked. It was so stupid. It was the last ten seconds of the episode. He's sitting at a red light with his window rolled down and all of a sudden some dude gets in his face and has a gun pointed at him. Then the show ends and I'm thinking we're going to find out what happens in the next episode...but no. That was the whole scene! Obviously the guy got the car, but what did Dylan do? Did he put up a fight? Did the guy just let him go? I want to know what happened, damnit! After this incident, Dylan decides he's not safe anymore and buys a gun from some guy off the street (IN BROAD DAYLIGHT) who's selling them (illegally, duh) from his van. He almost shoots Brandon one day when he's in the shower and Brandon has to break into his house because he left his parents' anniversary gift there. Fucking dumbass Brandon BREAKS the window so he can open the door from the inside, Dylan hears this and grabs his guns and yells, "I HAVE A GUN" and Brandon says, "Yo, man, it's just me!" and Dylan goes, "OMG man, I could have killed you!" Then Brandon makes Dylan feel bad for almost killing him and Dylan promises he'll get rid of the gun. Now if I were Dylan, I would have been pissed because my stupid asshole inconsiderate friend had just broken into my house (and I hope he made Brandon pay for that!!) Like, dude, you couldn't wait a few minutes until Dylan was done in the shower? JFC! The gun story completely comes to a stop there, too. I thought maybe Dylan was going to find himself in another situation where a gun would have come in handy or else the police would find the disposed gun and trace it back to him and he would get in trouble for being in possession of an illegal gun. Oh, well. The next main story for Dylan is when a woman and a young girl appear at his door, and the woman claims to be friends with Dylan's father and he had given them his address as a possible place to stay. They're from Iowa and are moving to Beverly Hills because there was a flood. We learn that the little girl, Erica (around 12 years old) is Dylan's half-sister. Dylan wants to give them money to help them settle, but Jim Walsh wants to make sure they really who they say they are and needs the woman's social security. Erica's mom gets mad when Dylan asks her for it, but Erica gets it out of her mom's purse when she's not looking and we find that she's not as poor as she thinks she is. We do learn that she did know Dylan's dad, but she admits she's not sure if Erica is even his daughter (because she was a slut back then, I guess) and Dylan says he doesn't care because she's already his sister to him. The woman is getting married to some guy who looks like a child molester (and I seriously thought that was going to happen with him and the little girl...) but works in environmental studies. At the very last episode we learn that they have gotten married and are planning on moving to South America, but haven't told Dylan and the woman mentions something about "I didn't come all this way for this scam not to work" so there's some scam going on....hopefully we find out what's going on in the next season. It's so funny and stupid because Erica and her mom and new stepdad are at the airport about to leave for Brazil and she tells them she has to use the bathroom and after she leaves the bathroom we see a piece of paper taped to the inside of the stall door which reads, "If you find this please give to Dylan McKay"... and then it has Dylan's address. The stupid thing is there's no other message on the piece of paper! And it didn't look like anything was written on the back either! So...huh? Well, it turns out the paper fell off the door and is on the ground. 

Kelly - Even though Kelly is dating Dylan at the beginning of the season, this older college guy, whose name I already forgot because I don't give a shit about him, starts hitting on Kelly. Jerkface (we'll just call him that) knew Kelly back when she was a freshman in high school and he was a senior and he did something really jerky to her. You know, typical guy jerk. So he's putting the moves on Kelly and she falls for it and she tells Dylan that she wants them to see other peope. Uh, who the hell breaks up with Dylan McKay? He is WAY better than Jerky McJerkface. So surprise, surprise, Kelly learns (again) that Jerkface is an ass....duh.

Steve - Steve joins a frat and acts like the douche he already is. At the time he's dating a girl who is way out of his league and he's lucky that this girl even likes him, but he screws that up when he sleeps with another girl...that would be Laura, the girl who also auditioned for the same role as Brenda in "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof". Laura accuses Steve of raping her even though he says he didn't. Now I believe Steve. He may be a douche, but he's not a rapist. Laura told him, "I never said yes...but I never said no." Okay, whatever you crazy pyscho. But here's the kicker...a few months after she accuses Steve of raping her, they start dating when Steve helps her out with her audition (because his mom also played the same role in a play she did). Uh.......why the effing hell would you date someone who accused you of raping them? WHY? Steve, you're an idiot! After Brenda gets the part, Laura plans on committing suicide, but luckily Steve is there to stop her. Steve almost gets kicked out of the frat because he's supposed to steal some prized possession from a teacher's office (the guy who happens to be married to the woman Brandon had an affair with), but it turns out that Jerkface had warned the security gaurd what was going to go down and Steve got caught. The frat decides that both Steve and Jerkface can state their cases and one of them will be kicked out. Well, Jerkface was stupid and confided to one of the guys that he did set Steve up and he (Jerkface) ends up getting booted from the frat. Steve learns that the president of the frat is gay when he and Brandon accidently enter a gay coffee shop and he sees him there. The president asks him not to tell anyone, but Steve does, and the guy is going to resign, but Steve tells him he shouldn't and stands up for him when the guys start to give him a hard time, but then they realize that he's always been a good president, gay or not.