Family Guy

The Family Man

Director: Brett Ratner

Cast: Nicolas Cage, Téa Leoni, Jeremy Piven, Don Cheadle, Makenzie Vega

Released: December 22, 2000

Unlike Scrooged, this movie is not an adaptation of A Christmas Carol, but it has a similar vibe: a very wealthy New York City businessman named Jack Campbell (Nicolas Cage) gets a "glimpse" of what his life could have been like if he had never gotten on a plane to London thirteen years ago. Why is boarding/not boarding a plane to London so many years ago so significant? Well, the first scene begins in 1987 (which is 13 years prior to "current day" 2000) at the airport where Jack is saying goodbye to his girlfriend, Kate (Téa Leoni) before boarding the plane to London. Because it is 1987 (hell, because this movie was filmed in '99 or '00!), she is able to be at the gate with him. When his plane is called, she tells him she has a "bad feeling" if he gets that on that plane. That's something you never want to hear from somebody before boarding a plane. But not because she thinks the plane will crash, but because "this feels wrong". He is going to London because he has an internship there with Barclays. He tells her they already agreed on him going to London and she has "been accepted to one of the best law schools in the country" (they couldn't tell us which one?) and this is a great plan for both of them. She says she wants them to start their life right now and it's them that make each other great, not the plan. He kisses her and tells her that he loves her, but he's still going to London because it will only be for one year.

Except their plan for staying together didn't work out because thirteen years have passed and he is now a filthy rich executive who lives in a super posh building (with a doorman!) and Kate is nowhere to be seen. As he heads to work on Christmas Eve, we see him have "quasi-sexual witty banter" (his words) with Mrs Peterson, an elderly snooty woman who also lives in his building and he is chummy with Tony, the doorman. He is the president of the company P.K. Lassiter Investment House. I'm not exactly sure what this company is, but there's going to be a big merger with another company, one that is "the largest in U.S. corporate history" and it's happening tomorrow, on Christmas Day for some weird reason. Three hundred sixty five days in the year (really 366 because I believe 2000 was a Leap Year) and they had to do this on one of the biggest holidays of the year? He tells his staff they will be working through Christmas, but promises them it will be worth it because on the 26th, they'll all have so much money it will feel like Christmas every day. We meet Alan Mintz, one of his staff members, who is a bit more mild-mannered and tells Jack that he's thinking about his family and how he promised his wife he'd be home for Christas Eve and this is when Jack gives them the pep talk. Alan is played by Saul Rubinek, who played Donny in Frasier, the brash lawyer who Daphnes almost marries. Just so you know: all the characters we're meeting now will be important in the alternate timeline. What a shock, I know! 

We meet Jack's boss, Peter Lassiter, and the two of them pretty much laugh and pat their backs about how rich they are and how happy they are because they're so rich. Jack's secretary tells him that a woman named Kate called and of course she's talking about his old girlfriend who he hasn't seen or (presumably) heard from since 1987! The very same one that told him not to get on that plane to London but he did anyway. He doesn't bother returning the call, but isn't he the least bit curious why she called? We don't learn the reason for her call at that moment. He asks his secretary to schedule a "strategy session" for noon tomorrow (on Christmas, remember) and she quips, 'That will be a nice holiday treat."  

After work, he stops by a convenience store to grab some eggnog (isn't somebody as rich as he is have people to do those kind of chores for him? But he needs to be there for the procession of the plot!). While there, a guy called Cash (Don Cheadle) comes in with an interesting fashion choice of wearing a visor backwards and something is hanging from it, like a lighter, maybe. He has a lottery ticket that he claims is good for $238, but the cashier (a young Ken Leung) thinks he "[drew] the lines." I wasn't really sure what he was talking about because I don't play the lottery, but I guessed he changed the numbers with a pencil (kinda how Robin Williams changed the phone number in Mrs. Doubtfire). When the cashier still refuses to give him any money, he gets upset and takes out a gun. Jack decides to be a hero and goes up to him to offer him a "business deal" where he will buy the ticket from him for $200 and then he can cash in the rest of the $38. Cash now points the gun at Jack and asks him if he wants to die. 

It was at this point I was convinced Cash was going to shoot him (he points the gun at him sideways which is the Hollywood sign for a kill shot) and he would end up in a coma (not dead, mind you, but a coma) and this would cause him to enter his alternative life. But nope. Cash doesn't shoot him. He doesn't shoot anyone, luckily. He tells Jack he'll take his deal. They walk outside together and Jack gives him the money. He asks him why he's carrying around the gun and that he'll end up doing something he'll regret with it. He tells him, "Everybody needs something." When Cash asks Jack what he (Jack) needs, Jack replies, "I got everything I need." Don't you just want to punch people like that in the face? He then tells Cash he could get his life together with "some honest, hard work and a little bit of medicine" (the last part is a bit presumptuous of him) and Cash just laughs and says, "You just remember that you did this, Jack, you, okay? You brought this on yourself." 

Jack returns home and goes to sleep in his fancy flat, but when he wakes up there's a blonde woman in pajamas laying on his stomach who seems to know his name when she says, "Ten more minutes, Jack. It's Christmas." A six-year-old girl and her toddler brother wander into the room, singing Christmas songs and being very excited because it's Christmas morning. Jack is looking very concerned. The kids are jumping on the bed and a large dog also hops on the bed. We soon realize the woman he's with is Kate. While she's distracted with the kids, Jack (who hasn't said a word at all) gets up and puts on some sweat pants and a sweat shirt (which are the closest thing he can find to wear (and something he would never wear) and runs downstairs where Kate's parents have just arrived. Because he's met them before, he knows who they are and they chitchat with him as though they're familiar with him and he's supposed to be there. Speaking for the first time since waking up in this odd world, he tells them, "Excuse me" and runs out the front door, ignoring their question of "Where are you going?" He runs back in after a few seconds and asks, "Where's my car? Where's my Ferrari?" (Dude, where's my Ferrari?) They seem surprised he has a Ferrari and when he asks if he can borrow their car, Ed (Kate's father), tells him to "drive [his] own damn car", which is a minivan parked in the drive way. 

He takes it and drives into the city (he's in New Jersey) and parks it in front of the building where he lives (or is supposed to live) and Tony, the doorman he knows (or is supposed to know) tells him that the building is "for residents and guests only." Of course he has no idea who he is. I chortle as I try to imagine this from the doorman's perspective. He sees this minivan pull out and this guy in sweats gets out and tries to walk past him to get him into the building. Like, he's not even pretending to act like he lives in a posh building! Then he sees Mrs. Peterson, the old lady who lives in his building, walk by and Jack acknowledges her and she asks Tony, "Who is this man?" Jack is incredulous they don't know who he is. They offer to give him help and tell him they can take him to a shelter. This is kinda funny since this is exactly how he acted towards Cash the other day. He gets super angry, screaming at them about how he's the "richest man in the building." Honestly, I don't know how the doorman kept a straight face. I would have bust out laughing. 

He ends up going to the building where he works (or is supposed to work) and some guy in the lobby (who works there) tells him the building is closed for Christmas. Well, if the building is closed, why is that poor schmuck there? To tell people the building is closed? Why don't they just lock the doors? But they need this scene so Jack can tell him he's the president, but when he looks at the sign, it says that Alan Mintz, the mousey guy that worked for Jack in the previous timeline, is now the president.

He walks out onto the street where he almost gets run over by his own Ferrari which is being driven by Cash who's had a glow-up and is wearing a white turtleneck and black leather coat. He tells Jack to hop in and that he'll explain everything. It turns out Cash is some Ghost of Christmas Future or angel or something, I don't think we're quite told what/who he is and why he has these powers. Of course Jack is demanding to know what's going on and he tells him not to get so worked up because he "brought this on [him]self" and reminds him of how he said he had everything he needed and that "this is a glimpse" (I would call it more than a "glimpse"!) and when asked of what, he replies, "You're gonna have to figure that out for yourself" and he will get "as much time as it takes" (hence why it's more than a "glimpse") and adds, "Which in your case is probably gonna be considerable." 

He drives Jack back to the parked minivan and gives him a bell, the kind you put on a bike. Jack asks if it's some kind of signal and if Cash will come whenever he rings it. Cash doesn't really answer, but tells Jack he needs to go now. Jack doesn't want to, but Cash tells him he has other business to take care of. 

Jack has to use a map to get back home and I'm not talking about Google maps; he uses a physical map. He stops at a house in a nearby neighborhood and asks a guy taking out the trash if he knows the street he's looking for. The guy must not have heard him, otherwise he would have thought it was odd Jack was asking him that. This guy turns out to be Arnie (Jeremy Piven), a friend of Jack's, even though Jack has no idea who he is and learns they're friends when he sees a picture of them together in Arnie's house after he invites him in. Arnie's wife is played by Kate Walsh, but she's barely in the movie. At least she'll soon have Grey's Anatomy to look forward to. 

Arnie tells Jack that Kate called wanting to know if he (Arnie) had seen him (Jack) and asks him if he's okay since he took off on Christmas Day without telling anyone. Jack tells him the truth (without telling him the WHOLE truth): he's having a bad day. Arnie tells him he's in his 30s with a house, kids, and financial responsibilities and that he's probably thinking, 'This isn't the life I dreamt about.' In Jack's case, it's really not. Apparently Arnie had almost had an affair once and Jack had given him some advice: "Don't screw up the best thing in your life just because you're a little unsure about who you are." Sounds like Arnie is giving him that advice right back at him. 

Even though in this new reality, Jack doesn't have as much money as he used to, it's hilarious how he acts like he's so poor even though he lives in a four bedroom house with two and a half bathrooms. I guess from a multi-millionaire's point of view, he is poor. 

When Jack returns to the house, Kate demands to know where he's been and that she's called all their friends and the hospital and had the state troopers out looking him. It's been "hours later" since he's come back. He tells her he was in the city and tries to tell her that's where he lives and this isn't his house and that she's not his wife. Apparently, he's "joked" about this before because she says, "It's not funny this time." I guess they needed this to be a normal thing he does, but the original Jack from the timeline seems happy with the life, so why would that Jack have to "joke" about that? It makes no sense. I notice they kind of tiptoe around anytime Jack acts weird or doesn't know anything that he should know. 

He takes out the bell and starts ringing it, thinking Cash will show up, but Annie, the daughter, comes by on a bike she got for Christmas and takes it, thinking it's for her new bike. Annie is played by Makenzie Vega, the younger sister of Alexa Vega and she would go on to play the daughter in The Good Wife. 

Jack and Kate end up going to a Christmas party (Jack didn't want to go, but when he found out it was either that or staying home and watching the kids instead of Kate's mother, he opted for the party instead. I guess it was the less scarier of the two for him!) at a nearby home where they're friends with the couple. The woman, Evelyn, clearly has a thing for Jack and keeps flirting with him, but he's pretty oblivious to her. It was hilarious when he walked straight to the table with a bowl of punch and other drinks and poured himself some alcohol from a glass decanter. 

He overhears Kate telling a story to a bunch of women and this is how he finds out she's a non-profit lawyer and he's not very happy about it He confronts her about it and isn't thrilled she doesn't get paid. She dismisses his comment and continues on with the conversation. This is a great example of how the movie just has the characters gloss over how odd Jack is acting. Like, Kate should be wondering what the f**k is up with him. 

The next morning he wakes up and thinks he's back in his original life in his own bed in Manhattan because nobody is next to him in bed and it's quiet, but then Josh, the toddler, starts crying. Kate is in the en suite shower and when he knocks on the door and opens it to tells her, "that baby is crying", she tells him it's his day to take care of the kids and adds he needs to get Josh to daycare on time. Does she not think it's weird that he says "that baby" instead of the kid's name or even "the baby"? She was showering while "Beast of Burden" was playing, so maybe she didn't hear him say "that baby". 

Annie helps him change Josh's diaper (well, she doesn't physically help him, just tells him what he needs to do and where things he needs are). Annie is very perceptive and knows that isn't her real father and tells him. She thinks aliens have abducted her real father and the new Jack is an alien in disguise. It's pretty cute when she asks him if he like kids and he replies, "On a case-by-case basis." She asks if he knows how to make chocolate milk (but sounds more like "chalk-wit milk" with her lisp) and he tells her he thinks he can figure it out. She helps him with directions to the daycare (amazing that a six-year-old can do that, so I'm guessing the school isn't too far away from their house) and when Jack drops off Josh he asks the woman who works there if he needs a receipt. Yeah, it's funny that he says that, but I'm sure that woman has seen Jack drop off his son many times and that comment didn't arouse any suspicion? Maybe she thought he was being funny? But the way he was carrying Josh (had his arms way outstretched with him in them) was super sus too. Why are these people just accepting how odd he is acting? Is the six-year-old the only smart one in the movie? Apparently, she is! 

After he drops off Annie at school, he asks her what he's supposed to do next and she tells him he goes to work at Big Ed's Tires. That's Ed as in his father-in-law. He is thrilled to be selling tires (that was sarcasm, obviously). Another weird thing that happens and nobody questions is when he asks one of his employees where his office is. Yeah, he will ask Jack if he's okay a little bit later, but still...the movie really just isn't worried about how his odd behavior is coming across to the everyday people in his life and they just don't seem to notice or care that much. In his office, he finds a checkbook in the desk and starts flipping through it and says, "Oh, no" so whatever the amount is, it's not good, though to be fair, he's used to having millions of dollars so the amount he has in this timeline could be totally fine for his situation. The checkbook (along with the physical map and airport security) definitely dates the movie! The only time I use a check is to pay my rent. I used to write checks way back in the early 2000s and I hated it because it took so long! I think my mom might be the only person left who still writes checks. 

On the wall, he sees a plaque that says he was the #1 Junior Sales Associate in 1988, the same year he should have been in London, so does that mean he never made it across the pond? Well, obviously in this timeline it does! It reminds me of one of those Choose Your Adventure books and this time instead of choosing to go for the path that will lead him to a plushy career with lots of perks, he chose the domestic life with a family. Honestly, his life in the domestic path isn't bad at all; he'll soon find out it's quite nice. The only thing I would say is a downgrade is the job and not just because he's making significantly less money, but selling tires (or anything in retail, really) just seems like one of the worst jobs you can have. To me, anyway! 

There are moments when it looks like he's coming around and accepting this new life, but then he'll just turn into a complete ass. In one scene, the whole family is at the mall and Kate is listing off places they need to go and he sarcastically says they should just go to every store in the mall. She tells him she'll take the kids shopping and he can stay in the men's department. 

While they're gone, he looks around and finds a $2400 suit very similar to one he wore in his old life and tries it on. Kate and the kids come back and she tells him he looks amazing in it. She's not so impressed with the price, though, when he tells her he wants to buy it. He retorts back like a petulant child and claims that Annie got new shoes and she says they only cost $25. He starts to have a hissy fit and the sales guy quietly sneaks away, probably upset he isn't making a sale. Jack asks her, "Do you have ay idea what my life is like?" and starts rambling about his mundane life. When talking about work, he says "retail" in a very acidic tone which I can totally relate! (I don't even work in retail, but I know I would hate it if I did!) He harkens back to the very first scene when he asks her how she could "let [him] give up on [his] dream?" She just looks at him and asks, "Who are you?" in a tone of disbelief and he tells her that maybe he's not the same guy he was when they got married. The most Nic Cage-iest line of the movie is when he shouts at her, "I'm sorry I was such a saint before and I'm such a PRICK now!" He was really channeling some Castor Troy energy there. 

He does apologize to Kate while they're driving home and also learns some new stuff such as Annie was a surprise pregnancy and Kate's dad had a heart attack and Jack stepped in to help out and that's why he works at his shop now. 

In this timeline, he likes to go bowling with his friends (something I very much doubt the Wall Street executive Jack would do; in fact, I bet that Jack didn't even have any friends!) and while at a bowling alley with some friends, he runs into Evelyn, the attractive woman who's always flirting with him. He's pretty straightforward with her and asks her if there's anything going on between them. She asks him if they're finally going to be honest and tells him "we've been dancing around this for years." So does that mean the previous Jack in this timeline had been thinking about cheating on his wife? She admits she likes him and wants to have an affair and that Kate "will never have to know."  He seriously considers it and tells Arnie who is in disbelief that he's even thinking about cheating on Kate. Jack replies that "it wouldn't really be cheating" because he's thinking this isn't his life and Kate isn't his wife but of course he can't explain that to Arnie! (Heh, it reminds me of that song, "And you may tell yourself, 'This is not my beautiful house' and you may tell yourself, 'This is not my beautiful wife.'" EDIT: After writing this, I watched the trailer, and no joke, they use that song, so they had the same thought.) Arnie tells him he's an idiot because he already has an amazing wife and he's going to mess it up if he does this. So he doesn't. 

I wasn't totally sure how much time has passed while Jack is in this alternate universe, but I think it's around Valentine's Day (or perhaps even on Valentine's Day because they totally seem like the kind of couple who would get married on that day) when he learns it's their anniversary. Of course he doesn't know it so he doesn't have a gift for her. He tells her he wants to give it to her later because their anniversary is all day. This is another sign that she should know something is up because she tells him that he always gives her his gift first thing in the morning. She's very excited to receive her gift, like a kid on Christas morning. She had given him a knockoff suit of the one he liked. It was a sweet gesture, but I'm not sure if he's ever going to wear it because it's not quite the same thing! 

He ends up taking her out to dinner at a nice restaurant in Manhattan. All he had to tell her that morning was that he had a surprise planned for her later that evening, but I guess in that moment he still had no idea what he was going to get her. He orders for both of them: "Terrine of quail breast with shiitake mushrooms, veal medallions in raspberry truffle sauce, sea scallops with pureed artichoke hearts." I had to look up what a terrine was and it's a dish that is made in a ceramic or glass rectangular vessel and is "constructed in loaf-shaped layers of either meat or fish [quail in their case] and can sometimes contain vegetables" (taken from thespruceeats.com). He asks for an '82 bottle of wine, but when Kate informs him that it's $800, he changes it to two glasses of red wine. 

They're having a nice evening. He tells her he needs to tell her something and begins by saying, "I feel like I'm living someone else's life." Which technically he is, but she reads it as he's saying "How did I end up here?" She even agrees with him, telling him she wonders how she ended up in New Jersey (didn't they live in New York before? Not that big of a mystery). They talk about how their lives would have been if they had pursued their professional paths and she says, "Can you imagine life where everything was just easy? Where you ask for things and and then people just bring them to you?" Of course he knows exactly what's that like and replies, "It's wonderful" and she just laughs because of course it would be wonderful. She tells him she wonders what kind of life she would have had if she never married him. We already know what his life would be like if they never got married! When he asks her what she thinks her life would be like, she says, "I realize I've just erased all the things in my life that I'm sure about", of course meaning him and their kids. She asks him what he's sure about and he tells her that he's sure there's no one else he'd rather be with than her. Awww. It's this moment that's the turning point where he realizes this was the life he wanted all along.

We soon see him happily interacting with the kids and thriving at work where he seems to be getting into the swing of his alternate life. One day, while at work, his old boss, Peter Lassiter, pulls up in his fancy car with a flat tire. (Why would this guy who lives in Manhattan come to this place? Aren't there auto shops much, much closer? Oh, I know it's all for the plot, but I just like to complain about stuff like that.) Jack tells him he knows who he is because he's seen him on CNBC. He invites him to his office and tells him his business strategy and how he would have done things differently with the merger (which has been on the news). If I were this Lassiter character, I would be wondering why this tires salesman was giving me business pointers and at first it doesn't seem like he's interested in what Jack has to say, but then he tells him to drop off his car at his office building when the tire is fixed and they'll have a meeting. It's ridiculous that this high executive businessman is letting this random guy have a job interview. I would think people in his position are much more fussy about who they're interviewing/hiring. 

When Jack shows up at his old stomping grounds, he meets the new and improved Alan Mintz who is now in a business suit (as opposed to the sweater and slacks he wore previously in the other timeline). He tells both Peter and Alan he used to be a broker, but now he sells tires. The way they were talking to him and asking him questions such as how his sales are reminded me of an episode of Shark Tank. He basically tells them it doesn't matter if he works on Wall Street or Main Street, that people are people and he knows people and starts rattling off things he knows about them as proof that he's super perceptive. 

Alan shows Jack around, but once they are alone, he cuts the friendly act and demand to know how he found out the information about them. He asks Jack if he went through Lassiter's wallet or found the information online, only he phrases it as "Did you surf some Net?" Oh, that gave me a good chuckle. Did some eighty-year-old write the script and didn't know how the Internet worked back in '99/'00? It was just so awkwardly worded! 

It looks like Jack was able to get a job and instead of talking it over with Kate first, he decides to let her know by surprising her. He does this by taking her to a swanky Manhattan apartment and tells her about the job and they could be staying there nearly rent-free until they find a place of their own. Even though their financial situation would vastly approve, she's not happy about this because she likes the school Annie goes to (even though he told her they could get the kids into some of the best schools in the country) and she doesn't want to raise the kids in New York. I can understand not wanting to raise kids if you're tight on money, but their new digs looks plenty spacious and their new life would be pretty plush. In other words, I guess what I'm saying is that I think Kate is worrying about things she shouldn't be worrying about. I can understand her not wanting to move if Annie was in high school and didn't want their daughter to switch schools, but she's only in kindergarten! Also, she seems to be overly sentimental of the house they live in. Later, she tells him (while crying, no less) how she imagined them growing old together in their house and having their grandchildren visit them. Then she tells him she'll accept it if he wants to take the job while taking him on a major guilt trip: "If you need this,I will take these kids from a life they love and I'll take myself from the only home we've ever shared together and I'll move wherever you need to go." She'll do this because she loves him and because she chooses them. ("I choose us.")

There's a sweet moment of Jack playing in the snow with his daughter and he's acting like the dad Annie is used to because Annie tells him, "I knew you'd come back." 

Because it's snowed, he's picking up rock salt at a convenience store and is startled when he sees Cash is working there as the clerk (he has now traded his fashionable garb for a polyester uniform). Cash greets him with a big smile and comments that he's gotten "all domestic" since he's buying rock salt and that he "must have really figured things out." Jack just replies, "You're not sending me back." Cash reminds him that this was only a glimpse and "a glimpse, by definition, is an impermanent thing." This is when Jack knows that this is his last night in this timeline of his life. He has a moment with each kid and tells Kate he wants her to promise him that she'll always remember him how he is right now in this moment. He's doing everything he can not to fall asleep: he takes the dog for a late night walk in the cold air and instead of going to bed, he sits in the armchair in their bedroom trying not to fall asleep. Every time his eyes start to close, he snaps them back open, but he does eventually nod off and when he wakes up he's back in his own bed in his luxurious apartment without any kids or a wife. He's surprised to find out it's Christmas Day and drives to the house where he lived with his family, but now someone else lives there and tells him nobody named Kate lives there.

He calls information where he gets Kate's address. When he arrives at her apartment, there are boxes and people everywhere and it's obvious she's moving. (Who moves on Christmas Day? It's almost worse than having an important business meeting on Christmas Day!) And she's not just moving to another zip code, she's moving all the way to Paris, oh, la, la! Does Kate even know French? If she does, why were we never told this? She tells Jack that her law firm has an office there and she'll be in charge of it. Do you remember way back in the original timeline when Jack was told Kate had called him at his office, but he never returned her call? Well, she has a box of his stuff and I think she was calling him to tell him she was moving and wanted to give him his stuff back. Good Lord, it's been thirteen years...unless it's super sentimental, just toss it. If he's lived without these items for this long, I'm sure he doesn't really care about them that much. 

Even though she's super busy, he chats with her. He asks her if she's married and has a big smile on his face when she tells him she never got married. He asks her if she ever thinks about them and what could have been, but she's too distracted with packing and just tells him he should look her up if he's ever in Paris. You gotta feel bad for the guy.

He does find out her flight is leaving at seven that night which comes in handy when he decides he's going to run to her gate as she's standing in line to board the plane and shouts at her not to get on the plane. He's really lucky...one year later and he would not be able to do this! She steps out of the line and asks him if he needs closure after all these years and reassures him that even though she was heartbroken after he left, she got over it and moved on and suggests that he do the same. She gets back in line, and desperate, I suppose, he just starts talking crazy: "We have a house in Jersey. We have two kids..." He then proceeds to tell her about the alternate reality he lived with her as though they are living this life right here and now. If I were her, I would be a little concerned! After telling her every little detail about their two children (including names and their personality traits), he tells her he's seen what they could be like together and ends with "I choose us" which is a callback to when she told him that earlier. 

Look, I don't think he went this the right way at all. Rambling on about things that happened in an alternate universe and acting like they're true now is just going to make you look like a lunatic, but Kate just says "Okay" and decides not to take her flight so she can have a cup of coffee with Jack at the airport and the movie ends with them chatting.

Of course, we're probably suppose to assume that they start dating and fall in love again and get married and have their two adorable children, but for all we know she could have decided she didn't want to pursue a relationship with him and gotten on a plane to Paris the next day. C'est Paris, for God's sake! LOL, I am so cynical. 

Also, are we supposed to think this whole thing was just a dream? Think about it: he wakes up on Christmas Day and finds himself in this new life and then when he wakes up on Christmas Day back in the life he's always had (after a very long dream!), but it felt so real that he thought it was and it changed his perspective on life. I really think this movie could have worked better if it had a better script (the characters just glossing over Jack's out-of-characterness just really annoys me and it's clear the script is only calling for them to do so because they don't want to call too much attention that this is not the Jack they know) and a better director (I was shocked that the douchey Brett Ratner directed this - this kind of feel-good family Christmas film isn't his forte), I think this movie could have been a truly great Christmas movie, but it kind of gets lost in the shuffle of holiday movies and most people seem to forget about its existence. 

I really like the movie's poster:

You're Either In or You're Out

Ocean's Eleven

Director: Steven Soderbergh

Cast: George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Andy Garcia, Julia Roberts, Don Cheadle, Carl Reiner, Elliot Gould, Bernie Mac, Casey Affleck, Scott Caan

Released: December 7, 2001

Viewed in theaters: December 18, 2001

Ocean's Eleven is a fun movie. It's also a ridiculous movie if you really stop to think about it. I mean, there's no way that eleven people could ever simultaneously rob three Las Vegas casinos in one night such as they did in this movie. Once we get introduced to the characters and the plot for the con, you can just sit back and enjoy the ride. 

Danny Ocean (George Clooney) has just been released from prison (for attempted robbery, as we will soon see that is what he likes to do) and decides he wants to rob the Bellagio, the Mirage, and the MGM Grand casinos all in one night. I mean, why be so greedy? Why not just rob one of the places? There is a reason why he is targeting these three particular casinos. Terry Benedict (Andy Garcia), the man who owns these casinos, is involved with Danny's ex-wife, Tess (Julia Roberts) and even though he says this isn't about her, it's totally about her.

He reunites with his partner-in-crime pal, Rusty (Brad Pitt), where he tells him his idea and they recruit a handful of men to help him with the job. They all have a role to play in the heist; some are a little more important than others. They need someone to help finance the heist and with casino security knowledge so they go to an old friend, Reuben (Elliot Gould), who once owned a casino of his own. Terry Benedict is a rival of his, so he's happy to help with the heist. I assumed he helped pay for the replica of the vault they reconstruct and he offers his home as a sort of headquarters, but other than that, he really doesn't help with the actual heist. You always need a tech guy in a heist like this so this is where Livingston Dell (Eddie Jamison) comes in. He is in charge of all the electronics and surveillance. He has to sneak into the security room to set up cameras so the crew can see what's going on. Of course we get the inevitable scene with him where it looks like he's about to get caught by a security guard, but instead he gives him something back he forget and asks him a question about how the wires are working. They need someone with knowledge of explosives when it comes times to blow the vault door open, so Basher (Don Cheadle) is recruited He will also help when they need to turn off the electricity in the city for under a minute. For some reason, they made him British and he talks in this really heavy accent which is hard to understand at times. I was really surprised when they replaced Don Cheadle with Terrance Howard in the other two movies. The Malloy brothers, Turk and Virgil (Casey Affleck and Scoot Caan; I'm not sure who plays who) come in handy as drivers and just help with little things, such as pretending to get into a fight at the casino when one lets go of a bunch of balloons to block a security camera. They're just sort of there to assist with small little details. Rusty flies to Florida to convince con man Saul (Carl Reiner) to join them. He will come up with an elaborate story to fool Benedict. Somebody needs to fit into a small money cart that will be wheeled into the vault room (aka the room where all the money is!) so they hire Yen (Qin Shaobo) of "The Amazing Yen" after they see his acrobat show in Vegas. He's very small and limber and can bend his body in ridiculous ways so he's the perfect person to fit into a small box. Danny gets a card dealer he knows, Frank (Bernie Mac), to be transferred from Atlantic City to Vegas so he can cause a diversion later on. I guess he's the closest thing they have to an inside man. Last, but not least, they feel like they need one more person so Danny travels to Chicago where he finds Linus (Matt Damon), after observing his pickpocketing skills. These skills will come in handy with their heists.

When Danny and Rusty propose their idea to Reuben, he tells them robbing a Las Vegas casino (let alone three!) can't be done and tells them about the three closest times anyone's ever come close to robbing a casino. One happened in the sixties, one in the '71, and one in '87. Each time the perpetrator gets a little bit closer to getting a step outside (in fact the '87 guy actually does get outside), but none get away with the crime. I like how this scene is shot: each scene is shot in correspondence to how that time period would look on film (compete with what everyone is wearing and the lighting), the music matches the era ("Take My Breath Away" is played for the '87 con).

Turns out Benedict keeps all the money in the Bellagio's vault, so while they are still robbing three casinos, they only need to do it one place. At least that's a little more realistic..as much as this movie can be realistic! They plan to hit the casino on the same night a big boxing match is being held in Vegas because they know that will bring in a lot of gamblers with all the tourists coming to see the fight (not to mention all the celebrities) and all casinos are supposed to always have a set amount of money on hand so they will have enough. They estimate there will be 160 million dollars in the vault that night and will divide the money eleven ways. The fight will be held in two weeks so that's how much time they have to prepare. In order to do that, Linus goes to the casino everyday where he observes every move Benedict makes and where he is at all times. Lucky for him (and everyone else), this guy has a very set schedule and does the same thing everyday, at the precise minute right down to going to the bathroom. Seems quite convenient for our con artists! This is also when we're introduced to Tess, who works as the curator at a museum at one of the hotels, and Rusty finds out the real reason why Danny is so set on stealing from three casinos that belong to Benedict.

They build a replica of the vault so they can practice with Yen in the money-cart. This is the most dangerous part of the job because he will only have thirty minutes before he runs out of air so they need to make sure he gets where he needs to be in time so he won't suffocate. They also use this replica to make sure he can jump from the cart to another location without signaling the laser lights. While they do get blue prints to the vault, I find it hard to believe they would know the exact replica of it. And exactly how much did it cost to build this replica? If they had an inside man, this would make more sense. They do mention that Frank provided some information, but I doubt a blackjack dealer who just started working there would know all this information! Maybe I'm putting too much thought into this as this is a movie you're just supposed to watch and enjoy.

I do love the scene where the eleven of them are meeting in Vegas for the first time at Reuben's house going over the plan. Yen, who knows very, very little English, asks something in Chinese and Rusty answers him (in English, but still impressive that he knew what Yen was asking) with a very detailed answer. The look on Basher's face as Rusty is answering him is highly amusing.

Saul has a very good question. He wants to know if they get though the security doors and down an elevator they can't move and pass security guards with guns and though a vault that's pretty much impossible to open and not be seen by the cameras, that they're just supposed to walk out of there with all that money. Danny simply answers, "Yes" and Saul seems satisfied with that. Now, of course they don't want to give anything away with how they do plan to do this. As a viewer, I'm screaming at my screen because I want to know, but presumably Danny and Rusty tell everyone their idea off camera.

Danny has been red-flagged by Benedict himself because he has come to see Tess so Benedict knows he's in town and doesn't want him in his hotel. All security will be watching him when he sets foot in the casino. Of course, this is all part of Danny's grand scheme because he thought of everything. They play it off like it's a problem, but Danny knows what he's doing. This is when everyone else (who knows Danny used to be married to Tess) find out about Tess's involvement and there's a funny line where Saul says, "Tess is with Benedict now? She's too tall for him!"

There's an elevator that requires a six digit passcode every so many hours and this is where Linus will come in and will swipe the codes from Benedict being the stealthy pickpocket he is. They will need to turn the laser lights in the elevator shaft off in order to go through it. Basher suggests a device called a pinch (which they steal from The California Institute of Advanced Science) which can shut off all the power in Las Vegas for thirty seconds. While this is going on, Danny and Linus are doing a Mission: Impossible type move where they have to rappel down the elevator shaft before the lights turn back on. When the electricity comes back on thirty seconds later you see that everyone at the fight has become rowdy, so Terry and Tess leave. The patrons at the casino have also gone crazy and it turns into a free for all. Nobody seems to question that the electricity has gone out and there's not even a storm to justify it.

This is the type of movie where you know nothing bad is going to happen and that our protagonist are going to get away with this ridiculous task of stealing $160 millions from a highly guarded casino. You don't know how they're going to do it, but you know it's going to happen. There may be a few hiccups along the way (and we see plenty of them!), but you know they're going to get out of any jams they may find themselves in. You're really not sure what's going to happen until it folds out on screen, so it's fun to see the twists and turns they take. I had forgotten about how they planned to walk out with all the money, but I have to wonder, where did they get SWAT uniforms and trucks? Did Reuben provide those too? Did they share a cut with someone who provided those for them?

There is an amusing running joke throughout the film, where in each new scene he's in, Rusty is usually eating some type of food. I remember seeing nachos, a fruit cup, shrimp cocktail (very Vegas-y), ice cream, and a burger. And those are just the ones I remember off the top of my head.

Something I've never noticed before was during the credits (probably because I never watched the end credits), after they credit everyone, it ends with, "And introducing Julia Roberts as Tess". Obviously this was a joke/Easter egg because she was already a huge star by then and had already been in many, many famous movies and had won her Oscar the previous year. It just made me do a double take when I saw that!

I've seen this movie a handful of times, but I've only seen Ocean's Twelve and Ocean's Thirteen once. I don't remember anything about either of them except that I didn't enjoy watching them and thought they were a bit boring, or at least not as fun a the first one. There is one part I remember about the second movie and that's when Tess pretends to be Julia Roberts as she bares a striking resemblance to her...because she IS Julia Roberts, haha. I don't remember why she had to pretend to be the famous actress, but it was an amusing scene, although you have to wonder...if Julia Roberts exists in the same world as these characters, then why not George Clooney or Brad Pitt or Matt Damon? How come nobody mistakes Danny, Rusty, or Linus for those famous actors? I also saw the spin-off,Ocean's Eight, where Sandra Bullocks play Danny's sister and she recruits her own team of thieves to rob jewelry at the Met Gala. While not as good as the original (and while I know the 2001 is a remake of a 1960 movie of the same name with Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, and Sammy Davis Jr, I consider the 2001 film the original because nobody ever talks about the 1960 movie or probably even knows it exists because the 2001 film is much more well known; heck, I didn't even know this was a remake until several years later!), I did enjoy it more than the sequels. My only gripe (and spoilers for Ocean's Eight about to come) is that they make this big deal how all these women were able to pull off his huge con, but psyche! Yen from the other movies was there all along (recruited by Sandra Bullock unbeknownst to the viewing audience) and helped them with a major part of the scheme. I was like, seriously? I know they wanted to have a fun cameo from the other Ocean movies, but I groaned out loud when I saw that.