An Unprecedented Day in America

"This is horrible." 

 "We have several situations going on here. It's escalating big time and we need to get the military involved in this." 

"There is simply no way to accurately describe the emotion this evokes in people all over the world; friends of the United States, and enemies of the United States, as well." 

"What we are seeing now is nothing less than the worst nightmare that one could imagine come to life, probably worse than anyone could have imagined." 

"September 11th, 2001, you're going to remember this day for a long time and a lot of things in this country will change as a result of what you're seeing on your screen now." 

I've been watching a lot of 9/11 documentaries wherever I can find them and I found the most fascinating video on YouTube. Someone had made a "dashboard" of 9/11 where events are synchronized in real time. It took me a few days to watch because it's a little over four hours long, but it was so fascinating and probably the best source for anyone who wants to learn more about that fateful day. This video has been up for one year and already has over nine million views!

Here is a screenshot so I can better explain how it works:

There's the live TV broadcast (it changes from all the major networks) that is the most prominent. Underneath that is a box which has the latest event. This will include things like when the terrorists take over, any kind of information about the planes (such as when United 93 is pushed back from the gate; resulting in a 40 minute delay or when the revolt begins on that same flight), where President Bush is during certain times, etc. You'll see the map and this tracks the flights of all four hijacked planes. Sometimes the map will turn into a diagram of the airports that the hijacked planes took off from or amateur footage of the attacks will be shown or a map of the WTC area showing us where pieces of the plane were found. It's pretty much used for anything that's a visual aid. Below that is the status monitor of the four planes. They let you know when they're still on the ground, airborne, hijacked, and crashed. Once they've crashed, they picture goes black and white. Yeah, it's pretty morbid. The pictures of the World Trade Center and Pentagon just let us known when they've been hit. When the towers collapse, they go dark. At the top you'll see a digital clock, so you know when events happen in real time. You can't really see it, but to the left of the clock it says "New York Fire Department" and "Air Traffic Control Radio". Each of these buttons light up and we hear when there are transmissions from either one in real time. At the very bottom is the timeline of major events. It shows when the planes are hijacked and the targets are attacked.

One of the most interesting things about this video is that it starts at 7:48 am Eastern time, which is exactly one hour before the first plane hit. Most live news programs of 9/11 that you can find on YouTube start right after the first plane hits so it's hard to find footage of this day when everything was still normal. In the first hour, the live TV broadcast only flips around three different networks: NBC, CBS, and CNN. As you can see, I took a screenshot of Today at 8:04 am with Ann Curry just finishing up "the top news stories of the morning." There's just something uncanny about seeing "Tuesday September 11, 2001" on the screen before knowing what the date actually would become (to the people who were watching this live). 

What were the top new stories before the biggest event in our country's history would happen in 44 minutes? Glad you asked, because if the terrorists attacks hadn't happened, this probably would have been the most mundane day in our nation's history. To be fair, most days are pretty uninteresting and not much happens (which is a good thing!). Here are a few of the news stories mentioned:

- There will be a hearing to see if Andrea Yates is fit to stand trial. If you don't know who that is, I'm sure there's many true crime podcasts that cover her story. 

- Michael Jordan is returning to the NBA. This was one of the top stories that all three networks talk about. Was this when he was still playing baseball, then returned to basketball? I'm not sure. Needless to say, I didn't remember this story at all! 

-Elizabeth Dole is running for the U.S. Senate.

-Ann mentions that President Bush will be at an elementary school in Florida today discussing literacy programs. Of course, we all remember him being in that classroom when he heard the news.

Those are just some of the stories mentioned. I won't spoil you with all of them (and let's be honest; none of them are really that interesting). But I thought it was just an interesting snapshot of what was going on in the country before everything turned to (literal) hell. 

Another interesting thing about the first hour is that it includes commercials. Once the attacks start, there are zero commercials. Now more news channels are added (FOX and ABC) so I don't know if the creator is just able to jump around the different stations without ever having any commercials, but I feel pretty certain none of the major networks were running commercials. I don't 100% remember, but it would feel pretty weird to be showing commercials at a time like this. It would just seem to be in poor taste to show a commercial of a squirrel selling Post-its (you'll soon understand the reference) while this horrific event is happening. The only commercials that I remember are the ones with celebrities: a Pier 1 commercial with Kirstie Alley and a KFC commercial with Jason Alexander. A lot of the commercials just seem so antiquated now! You should have seen the Travelocity commercial that shows their VERY '90s website. (And we'll see more terribly created websites, just you wait!) There's a promo for the Latin Grammys (featuring Jennifer Lopez) which will be on CBS that night. Hmm, something tells me they're gonna be cancelled! (Spoiler: they were.) Speaking of cancellations, Tracey Ullman is supposed to be on Today and Ray Romano is scheduled to be on The Early Show, but, no surprise, neither will be interviewed. 

We see a sneak peek with Tom Brokaw telling us what will be on NBC Nightly News. You can bet that story never saw the light of the day. Almost makes you feel sorry for the poor person who worked on it. 

On the Information Board (where the map is shown), before each plane takes off, we get a little dossier about each one: where it started from, where it will (sadly, never) land, how many passengers and crew, how many terrorists. The creator got these little fact sheets from Wikipedia.

Remember I mentioned the FDNY and ATC Radio buttons? Well, we first hear ATC at 7:50. The creator has muted the volume of the CNN story that's talking about how to get your start in the modeling business (major eyeroll) and we hear ATC telling American Airlines 11...something. Probably they're about ready to take off. To be honest, it is kind of hard to understand what they're saying sometimes and there is no transcript of it on the screen. Okay, I'm sorry, but I had to laugh because during this "how to be discovered as a model" mini story, they show a woman in her office with a freakin' Rolodex! Were people still using those even in 2001? Good Lord! At least this first hour has some lighthearted chuckles before things take a turn for the absolute worse! Another thing that gave me a good chuckle is when CNN asks viewers "What do you think of Michael Jordan's Return? Send e-mail to daybreak@cnn.com." Bwah! E-mail! So antiquated, it's hilarious! Oh, and things get worse when they show a picture of their "website" (looks like something I would have made circa 2000!). 

Speaking of terrible websites, at 8:10 the channel flips to CBS and Bryant Gumble is talking to a woman who is promoting a bunch of baby websites and they all look even worse than the CNN one. Gumble even asks if the first one they talk about, babycenter.com, is a free site...what the hell? Aren't all websites free? I'm confused. 

After this insipid segment about baby websites with outdated graphics, we see that AA 11 has been hijacked at 8:14. It is the first major event in the timeline to happen and in the information board we get data about the hijackers: how old they are and what country they're from. This information will be up when all the planes are hijacked. The oldest was 33, the others all range from 20-29, so it really puts into perspective just how young they were. The majority of them were from Saudi Arabia.

We know AA 11 was hijacked around this time because ATC calls for them to climb 35,000 twice, but receives no reply. You can hear the sternness in his voice when he says "American. Eleven. Boston." You know he's not playing games and he wants the pilot to answer him because he has a job to do. I have to wonder, if at this point, the idea of hijacking was going through his head. We even hear him call another plane to ask if he can hear him and that pilot says he hears him "loud and clear". We then again hear him say "American. Eleven. Boston." He has a tone in his voice which means "answer me".  

The guy at ATC must call his supervisor because we hear him telling a guy that AA 11 won't respond and that he's turning a different way and the guy responds, "That's fine." The hell? Maybe he said that because at the moment the plane isn't in any other flight path, but that's kind of a weird reply, especially when you've been told that the plane isn't even responding to you. 

It's been three minutes since ATC has tried calling for AA 11 and they are still trying, but to no avail. He must have tried calling them nine or ten times. He is desperately trying to get a hold of that plane. 

It's 8:19 when AA 11 flight attendant Betty Ong calls an American Airline reservation center in North Carolina and alerts them about the hijacking. Air Traffic Control has just given American Airlines 77 permission to takeoff. While all this is going on, ironically, CNN is running a segment with John Glenn who's talking about a new visitors' center at the Capitol. Ironic because that was supposed to be the target United 93 would have hit. That or the White House. 

At 8:24, Mohammad Atta, the oldest and ringleader of the terrorists (and "pilot" of the first hijacked plane) is heard by ATC. They think he pushed the wrong button and thought he was talking to the passengers because he tells them to be quiet and that "nobody will get hurt". Pretty sure ATC now knows they have a serious situation on their hands if they didn't already. Okay, I know this is super serious and this is going to turn into the worst day of our nation's history, but I'm sorry, I had to laugh when a few seconds later you hear the ATC guy reply, "And, uh, who's trying to call me here?" He just sounds so incredulous! Of course he doesn't get a reply except for when Atta tells the passengers (that he thinks he's talking to) to "just stay quiet." 

At 8:30 we see the Today crew outside greeting the crowd that has gathered around. There's just something very chilling seeing all the people outside Rockerfeller Center with their handmade signs, all happy to be there on a beautiful blue-sky Tuesday in September. Katie Couric and Al Roker are talking to a few people and everyone is all smiles and happy. They talk to one couple who tell them they're there for their anniversary and a woman who's with her husband and son on vacation. Hoo, boy. That's one vacation they'll never forget! I had to chuckle a bit when Katie talks about some of the stories that are coming up and that they have a lot to get to. Oh, Katie. Katie, Katie, Katie. Trust me, you won't be talking about ANY of those stories! Katie turns to Al for the weather and comments, "It is such a pretty morning, isn't it." Such a sad statement, but yeah she's right, it is a beautiful day, but we're now 17 minutes away from the first plane hitting the North Tower. Al agrees: "It's the perfect fall morning." He quickly corrects himself and says, "it's still the perfect summer morning." 

Here is a screenshot of the country's weather map on that day. You can see that the ATC radio button in red and you can see events in the timeline at the bottom a bit better than the previous screenshot I posted. 

At 8:32 the woman who talked to Betty Ong has gotten hold of ATC and is reading the notes she wrote about what she was told about the terrorist (from the sound of it, she's only describing one guy which is interesting). I guess she didn't know how to patch ATC through the plane itself? The plane is in "rapid descent." She tells him that the flight attendants are concerned because they can't get a hold of the pilots in the cockpit and when she asks him if he can, he says they can't either, then seems to hesitate before he tells her that they don't want to tell them (the flight attendants) that. I'm assuming they don't want to incite even more panic because they realize there's really nothing they can do. I mean what can you do besides scramble some fighter jets to shoot the plane down if you think it's aiming for an area with lots of civilians? It's a no-win situation for everyone on that plane. 

At 8:37, United 175, of all flights, confirm to ATC a sighting of AA 11. A few moments later, the pilot will again report to ATC that they heard "a suspicious transmission" (from AA 11) of someone telling everyone to "stay in their seats." This will be literal moments before they themselves are hijacked which just makes it so eerie. 

The channel flips to CNN where they are promoting their Sunday special called  "Hurricane: When the Big One Hits." Yikes! In a few short minutes, this is going to age terribly! I have no doubt the editor of this video knew exactly when to show a certain news channel. 

It's now seven minutes until the first crash will occur and CNN is live at New York Fashion Week where a reporter is interviewing pregnant models for maternity wear. This is just so weird and silly juxtaposed with what's going on with the hijacked plane. 

At 8:42, an American Airlines supervisor named Nydia Gonzalez "with expertise on security matters" is patched into a call with Betty Ong. She (Nydia) is also on the line with ATC, so we're hearing her side of the convo with them, but not with Betty. She tells Betty "she's doing a great job" and "to keep staying calm." We hear her say, "We are, absolutely" so Betty must have asked if they're doing everything they can. Surprisingly, we get info that the "passengers in coach may not be aware of what's going on". That surprised me because it's only two minutes until they hit the tower and aren't they descending rapidly? They must have known something not right was happening. At 8:45 Nydia reports that "the aircraft is erratic again." That must have been so terrifying. Thanks to Betty, we do get a lot of information such as the first class passengers were moved back to coach and before that she (or perhaps it was another flight attendant) reported that a passenger was stabbed. 

When the plane crashes in the North Tower at 8:46, in the information board we are shown that infamous footage that was taken by a French-born filmmaker who, with his brother, was working on a documentary about the NYFD. They were out with them just doing a routine check or something when the filmmaker sees the plane and turns the camera, and, of course, the rest is history. Because they were with firemen, it takes only three seconds for them to call it in.

Nydia is trying to get a hold of Betty, but obviously she's not answering. It's so eerie when you hear her say, "I think we may have lost her." I think she's just talking about she lost her on the call, but they have literally just lost her and all the other souls on that plane. ATC quickly realizes that the plane that hit the tower was their hijacked one, so they're probably the first to know that this was a terrorist attack. 

While this horrific event just happened, CNN is running a commercial about Post-its...with a squirrel. It's a cute commercial, but a bit difficult to enjoy under the circumstances. Obviously, in real time people watching CNN didn't know what had happened yet. It takes a few minutes for the stations to jump on the story. Here are the times when each station brings the story:

CNN: 8:49 (To their credit, they are the first to bring the story, so the squirrel Post-it commercial can be forgiven.)

ABC: 8:51

CBS: 8:52

NBC: 8:53

FOX: 8:54 (I believe they brought up the story a bit earlier than that; but this is the time when they bring up a live picture of the burning tower.)

Obviously, everything is just chaotic. Nobody really knows what exactly happened just yet. It's surprising how many eyewitnesses that are interviewed via phone by the morning news anchors claim it was a small plane that crashed into the tower. I don't know if it was that they were so far away or that they couldn't compute that a 767 could crash into a New York skyscraper, so their mind told them it was just a small commuter plane. Just looking at the gaping hole it left, it's so obvious it was NOT a small plane! 

Diane Sawyer from Good Morning America on ABC says they don't know yet if this crash was done "deliberately or accidentally." I do remember a lot of people thinking this was just a "horrible accident" when the first plane hit, but looking back, it's kind of stupid anyone could have thought THAT was an accident. It was a clear day and even if the pilot was having difficulties, they're not going to fly the plane into a building; they'd probably try to pull a Sulley and crash land it in the river. (Yes, I realize this predates the "Miracle on the Hudson" incident.) 

At 8:59 the phone message that United 175 passenger Brian Sweeney left for his wife, Julie, is played, as that is when it was left in real time. I believe this is the only piece of audio aside from any transmissions from ATC and the NYFD that is played. This is a pretty famous phone message from that day. I'm sure there are many people who have messages left from loved ones who perished that day and have never shared them because they want to keep them for themselves and that's totally their right, but I'm sure those who have shared their loved one messages with the public find it therapeutic for them. I know a few phone messages from United 93 have been shared as well. People grieve in different ways. I know that Julie Sweeney donated a recording of the call to the 9/11 museum. Her husband (who was only 38) sounds fairly calm, but perhaps that was for her sake. Maybe resigned is a better description of how he sounds. 

Moments before United 175 crashes into the South Tower, we hear ATC pretty much confirming in disbelief that they see the plane heading toward the building. The live broadcast is on NBC and they're showing a far away shot of the towers. I gasped when I could see the plane heading right for it. Honestly, if you were watching this live, you probably wouldn't even notice the plane because you would have been watching the tower with the gaping hole and billowing smoke. Amateur footage is also shown of the plane hitting the building at a different angle. I was literally gasping when I watched this. I KNOW what's going to happen, but it gives me such anxiety. On NBC, when the second place hits, you don't actually see it because they have gone to a close up of the first tower, but then they pull back and you see the huge fireball the explosion caused. Obviously, they will go back and show us (repeatedly; as will all the other stations) what happened since they caught it on tape. 

Katie Couric and Matt Lauer had been talking to an NBC news producer who must have seen the first plane crash and after the second plane crashes, she says the dumbest thing ever, I'm sorry, but it's true. She says, "I wonder if there are air traffic control problems." WTF? Even if the pilots couldn't communicate with ATC, they're NOT going to fly into a building! Al Roker, bless him, even says, "What are the odds of two separate planes hitting both towers?" I'd say the odds are pretty good when it's terrorism and the planes are deliberately being flown into the buildings! Katie Couric says, "It is completely impossible to understand why this is happening..." This just shows how some people could not grasp the idea of terrorism even after a second plane crash. 

But, to be fair, the Today crew aren't the only ones who have that kind of reaction. I've watched several news stations to see how they reacted that day and some of them are, honestly, just mind-boggling. If you watch the CNN footage of the second plane, they're getting it from their New York affiliates and they thought the second explosion was from the fuselage of the first plane...I guess they thought it jumped from one building to the other? I don't know how far apart these buildings were, but pretty sure that would be improbable. It's so odd because you see a quick clip of the incoming second plane, but then the camera jumps away from it. The voiceover of the anchor says, "One of our producers says perhaps a second plane was involved, but let's not even speculate to that point..." and I'm thinking, this guy is going to look stupid in a few seconds because his producer was 100% correct! They obviously figure it out when they go back to the tape and clearly see what happened. The anchor also has a similar reaction to that NBC news producer and says, "I don't know if perhaps some kind of navigating system or some type of electronics would have put two planes into the World Trade Center within about 18 minutes of each other." Uh....no. It's called terrorism. It's so OBVIOUS that they were both deliberate, but nobody wanted to admit what it was. Even if ATC was down, pilots would steer clear of two big ass buildings. It just seems too perfect of a target for that to be "an accident". 

Our international friends over at the BBC have seemed to miss the second plane completely! I'm not sure how; perhaps they weren't watching the monitor? Because you clearly see it on the screen and there is absolutely NO reaction from the male or female anchor. They're talking to an eyewitness and the woman interrupts 40 second in to say, "It looks like both buildings are on fire." (Yeah, no kidding!) Then about a minute after that, she says, "It's not really clear if there was a plane crash", then adds that there are "unconfirmed reports of a second plane" and I'm thinking, What?! Go back and check your tapes! The male anchor says that because they are seeing both towers on fire, "it could be that the aircraft went through one and the debris has affected the other tower." How are they going this long without not knowing what happened? Surely there are other people in the studio who saw what happened. Finally they do get the footage and replay it and the woman calls it "a double plane accident at the World Trade Center." I feel like "double accident" is an oxymoron. 

 

In this horrific event, I had a bit of a chuckle when Matt Lauer says something to the effect of if they could find out if ATC had contact with these planes. Uh yeah, no duh. Obviously not contact since they couldn't communicate, but they very much knew there was a situation going on. 

I believe the first mention of this being a deliberate act and terrorism is at 9:12 when the channel flips to CBS and Bryant Gumble is interviewing an eyewitness who told him the planes "aimed for it and they did a very good job." He says the towers were "targets". Although to be fair, even though this isn't shown in this video, after the second plane hits, the Fox News anchor says that it's "deliberate" and even drops Osama Bin Laden's name three seconds later. Of course, if you know your OBL facts, it's not that hard to pinpoint it on him: he was a known terrorist; he hated the U.S.; he had tried to do a terrorist act with planes back in the '90s (or even the '80s?), but it was thwarted; he had the money to fund this. If the shoe fits...

So a lot is going on right now: At 9:16 we hear ATC say they've lost contact with American Airlines 77; at 9:29 Katie Couric announces that it was American Airlines 11 that was hijacked and crashed into the WTC (I can't even imagine hearing that and having a loved one on that plane; also I was a little surprised she got that information so quickly); at 9:33 Fox News mentions Osama Bin Laden as a likely suspect (although, like I said earlier, they already mentioned his name right after the second plane hit); 9:37 is when AA 77 crashes into the Pentagon and the security camera that caught it is shown. Kinda crazy that three out of the four crashes were caught on some type of camera, especially back in 2001. By 9:49 CNN has "breaking news" of "reports of a fire at the Pentagon" and at 9:42 NBC and CBS show smoke coming from the Pentagon. Nobody knows what's happened, but they think it may be a bomb or some kind of explosion. Gumble mentions he doesn't know if this is a result of another aircraft. 

Okay, so while all this is going on, over on the map I see that United 93 has gotten pretty far into Ohio which is shocking, especially since they left from Newark and their target is either the White House or Capitol. They flew all away across the entire state of Pennsylvania. We know the flight was delayed 40 minutes and that it took the hijackers 46 minutes to take over the plane. It's no wonder we know so much about this flight because the passengers had time to find out what was going on and were able to call loved ones and tell them that they were going to storm the cabin which will happen just before ten.

This day gives me a lot of "what ifs?" and most of my "what ifs?" revolve around United 93. What if their flight was delayed just a little bit longer and never took off because by then the city of New York had already closed down their air space? What if they (the passengers and flight attendants; sadly I don't think the pilots had a chance) had successfully killed or at least incapacitated the hijackers and had managed to land the plane (probably would have been more of a crash landing)? We do know one of the passengers was a pilot (though don't think he flew big jet airliners) and another worked ATC for a few years, so it's not totally impossible to think they could (crash) land the plane. Can you imagine what heroes everyone on that plane would have been? And the stories (and many books!) they would have to tell? The Paul Greengrass film would have been totally different and he would have many consultants! Of course, they are all heroes, posthumously, for diverting the plane from crashing into the Capitol. 

 

At 9:45, in an unprecedented move, U.S. airspace is shut down and it only takes two hours for every single plane in the nation to land which is quite incredible. Of course, we know that many international flights were directed to Canada and if you have never heard of the incredible story of the Gander International Airport in Newfoundland, you should check it out. 

It's been an hour since the first crash and the three main stations have called in their anchors of their nightly national news broadcasts: Tom Brokaw, Peter Jennings, and Dan Rather have now joined their respective stations (NBC, ABC, and CBS) within a few minutes of 9:46. 

There is more confusion at 9:59 when the south tower (the second one to be hit) collapses nearly an hour after it was first struck. They just see a "large plume of smoke" and it takes a few moments for them to realize that the whole building has collapsed. One CNN correspondent even thinks that "the second tower is encased in smoke". 

As I mentioned not too long ago, the passenger revolt on United 93 began three minutes til ten, now it's three minutes after ten and the plane has crashed in a field in Shanksville which will be the only thing this town will be known for (and calling it a town may be a bit generous). Very eerie timing that the two United planes crashed exactly within an hour of each other. Five minute later is when ATC gets word that a plane has crashed in Pennsylvania, 10:37 is when the Associated Press first reports about it; 10:48 is when CBS first reports about it; and 10:58 is when CNN reports about it. I remember watching international coverage (might have been the UK) and when they reported about United 93 they said they didn't know if that plane was part of the terrorist attacks or if it was just a random plane crash. Okay, in the words of Al Roker, what are the odds of that? Of course that plane was involved! I suppose since the plane just crashed into a random field that's why they thought that, but, c'mon...

Once all the planes have crashed, the flight paths of all four planes is put on the information board and the map will eventually disappear as it is not needed anymore. 

At 11:15 American Airlines confirms the loss of its two flights, but what I found really interesting was that at 11:25 United Airlines says it is "deeply concerned" about flight 175. They have confirmed that United 93 went down. To me, it is odd that they used those words about flight 175 (which, ironically, is the flight the entire world saw come to its demise if they were watching live at that moment) because they have not yet confirmed it was hijacked or part of the attacks. Were there other flights that were unaccounted for? If not, wouldn't it be obvious that flight was the one used in the attacks? By 11:53 they have confirmed the loss of both flights. It's just a little detail that I have no recollection of that day.

I know it seems like I told you everything that this video offers, but trust me, I didn't. There's so much more information and graphics that I didn't tell you about, so I would definitely recommend this if you are interested in learning more about the day that nobody will ever forget. 

My Beloved Monster

Shrek
Directors: Andrew Adamson and Vicky Jensen
Voice Talent: Mike Myers, Eddie Murphy, Cameron Diaz, John Lithgow
Released: May 18, 2001
Viewed in theaters: June 12, 2001

Oscar nominations:
Best Animated Picture (won)
Best Adapted Screenplay - Ted Elliot, Terry Rossio, Joe Stillman, and Roger H.S.Schulman (lost to Akiva Goldsman for A Beautiful Mind)

Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me

I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed

She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb

In the shape of an "L" on her forehead...

Okay, show of hands: who thinks of this movie whenever they hear this song? Cuz I sure do. Every time they play this song on the radio stations that still play music from the late '90s or early '00, I am reminded of this movie. In fact, I just figured this song was released the same year as the movie and that's why they used it, but "All Star" by Smash Mouth (whatever happened to them, I wonder? Not that I really care that much!) came out in 1999 and has since this day forward been known as the Shrek song. And once you get it in your head, it never gets out! "Hey now, you're an all star, get your game on, go play. Hey now, your'e a rock star, get the show on, get paid." Now you have that song in your head. You're welcome.

Shrek will go down in history as being the first animated movie to win the Oscar for Best Animated movie since they started that category in 2002. It was up against Monsters, Inc. and Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius. In hindsight, Monsters, Inc. should have won. Shrek won because it was super popular and everyone loved it, but I don't think it has aged that well. Not just the animation (the humans look vey similar to Sims), but the dated pop culture references (The Matrix comes to mind) don't hold up so well either. 

Shrek the character (voiced by Mike Myers in a Scottish accent) is just super gross. He's a big fat green ogre who lives in the swamp and he belches, farts, and (in one of the most disgusting scenes from the movie) pulls ear wax out of his ear to create a candle. He also eats pretty much anything (including spiderwebs fashioned into cotton candy and rats) and has bad breathe, as we're told many times. I guess we're supposed to feel sorry for him because everyone is afraid of him and runs away when they see him. Well, if I saw a farting, belching, ear-wax picking ogre with bad breathe, I would probably run the other way too! His sidekick, Donkey (voiced by Eddie Murphy), a talking donkey, can be endearing at times and at other times, annoying, as he never shuts up and likes to sing. Shrek is a bit of an a-hole too; I know where supposed to feel sorry for him and he acts like a jerk because he's really lonely and blah, blah, blah, but I really don't care. When he and Donkey are crossing the rickety, swinging bridge over a deep chasm to get to the other side, he keeps swinging the bridge back and forth even though Donkey is clearly afraid and keeps telling him to stop .Then, the first night, when Fiona finds shelter in a cave, Shrek makes it like he's going to move a big boulder in front of it, so she won't be able to get out. He tells Donkey he's only "joking", but I bet if Donkey weren't there to chastise him, he would have placed that boulder in front of that cave! 

Shrek and Donkey meet when Lord Farquaad (voiced by John Lithgow), the ruler of the kingdom Duloc, has banished fairy tale creatures and characters to the swamp where Shrek lives. Shrek, who likes his privacy and not being bothered, wants to know where Lord Farquaad is so he can speak to him and Donkey is the only person, er creature, who knows where he is, so begrudgingly Shrek lets him take him to Duloc. Lord Farquaad wants to be King, but the only way he can do so is if he marries a princess. He is told this by the Magic Mirror who points this out to him and gives him a list of potential candidates: Cinderella (even though she technically becomes a Princess AFTER she marries the Prince), Snow White, and Princess Fiona (voiced by Cameron Diaz), a princess who is stuck in a castle and is waiting for her knight in shining armor who will have to slay the fire-breathing dragon who is guarding the castle. Shrek makes a deal with Farquaad that if he rescues Fiona (Farquaad never had any intention of actually rescuing the Princess; he was always going to send someone to do his job for him) that all the creatures will have to leave his premises and Farquaad agrees to the deal. 

After Farquuad picks Fiona as his betroved, the Mirror is about to tell him something important that happens to her after midnight, but Farquaad just dismisses it as he's just ready to marry his bride. Of course, well all know what he was going to say. Even if you've never seen the movie, I can't imagine you don't know what the big twist is at the end, especially if you've seen any promotional pieces from the next three (?) movies. I don't think it's a big secret or anything, but if you're that sensitive to details and really have no idea what I'm talking about, then I will have to put a spoiler warning right here...just in case! I'm putting a spoiler right now because I'm going to talk about the big twist.

So, yes, turns out Fiona needs to find a private shelter to camp after the sun goes down because she turns into an ogre. We find this out on the second night when Donkey discovers her this way (and thinks Shrek has eaten her! But why would Shrek be wearing her dress?) She tells Donkey a witch put a spell on her and the only way to break the curse is to be kissed by her true love. I always just assumed she was a human and the spell made her turn into an ogre. But then, a few things made me wonder. She says "I've been this way as long as I can remember", implying that perhaps she was first an ogre, then the witch turned her into a human only when it's daylight. I know it seems like the witch's curse turned her into an ogre because she talks about how ugly she is and how nobody will love her if she turns into this hideous beast at night (and for the record, even though she was an ogre, she was still actually pretty cute). After Shrek rescues her and she demands for him to take off his helmet (even though you can still totally see green skin where his neck and hands are showing) and she sees he's an ogre, her reaction is disappointment. I feel like if she were a human-turned-ogre, her reaction would be more of disgust. Plus, the first night when she's taking shelter in the cave and we see her peeking out and listening to the conversation Shrek and Donkey are having about Shrek being lonely, she seems to have compassion and empathy for him...as though she understands because she's an ogre too and knows what he's going through. She tells Donkey a Princess is supposed to be beautiful and she wants to be the beautiful, lithe human form with the long flowing hair. I supposed maybe they go into more detail with this in the other movies, but I haven't seen Shrek 2 since May 24, 2004. God knows how long it's been since I've seen Shrek the Third or if I've even seen it at all and I'm pretty sure I never saw Shrek Forever After. Perhaps they go into Fiona's backstory in one of those movies. I guess I could just look it up on Wikipedia or something, but I just feel like that would lead me down a wormhole I don't want to dig myself into. Oh! Another reason I believe Fiona was born an ogre and "cursed" to be a human is because of her behavior. After she makes that disgusting cobweb cotton candy with the flies stuck to it for Shrek, we see her licking her fingers. She also eats the rat Shrek cooks and belches and has no problem horsing around with him. If she were truly a human princess, I can't imagine she would be doing these things (or even knowing that ogres like cotton candy spiderwebs). Yes, I suppose you could say she learned these things after being turned into an ogre for so long. 

This movie was popular because of its witty take on popular fairy tales. Yes, there are some funny moments in this movie, I will admit. I did laugh when Farquaad tortures the Gingerbread Man ("Run, run, fast as you can, you can't catch me I'm the Gingerbread Man") by dunking him in milk and tearing off his legs so he can't run away. It's funny when the Gingerbread Man asks him, "Do you know the Muffin Man?" and he replies, "The Muffin Man?" and the Gingerbread Man repeats, "The Muffin Man." They recite the whole little ditty under a pretense of an interrogation. When all the fairy tale creatures are invading Shrek's home, I thought it was funny when one of the Three Pigs said about Farquaad, "He huffed and he puffed and he sent an eviction notice." When Shrek and Donkey cross the bridge to the castle, Donkey asks him where the fire breathing monster is and Shrek tells him, "Inside, waiting for us to rescue her." Okay, that was funny AND mean. Right before Shrek makes it to the highest tower of the castle to rescue Fiona, we see she's fidgeting in her bed and making sure everything is perfect when his back is turned to her so she will look perfect when he kisses her. Fiona has some other funny moments when it's about to turn midnight and she demands, "I need to find somewhere to camp NOW!" Just the way Cameron Diaz read that line made me laugh because she's so sharp and demanding; like you are going to listen to her! People seem to love Donkey's line, "And in the morning, I'm making WAFFLES!" Yes, he does say "waffles" with a lot of enthusiasm and that line is popular for some reason, but I didn't think it was that funny, but to each their own. He also never makes waffles, I should point out. Maybe he gets to make waffles in one of the sequels. Also, Farquaad's demise of being inhaled by the dragon is super funny and fully deserved.

So, yes, there are genuinely funny moments in this movie. I remembered there was also a lot of jokes only adults would get, but I guess I forgot just how many of them there were and just how adult these jokes got. They're pretty subtle, but it's still pretty shocking some of them found their way in a PG movie (no way this movie could have been rated G!). I'm not just talking about juvenile farting/belching/urinating/defecating jokes, because there are plenty of those, but they go into some pretty awkward territory. When the Mirror introduces Snow White as a potential partner for Farquaad, he says, "Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy". Eesh. There's also a masturbation (yes, I'm not joking) joke when we see Farquaad in bed, naked, about to pleasure himself to pictures of Fiona. We know this because he lifts up the sheet just a fraction and has a gleeful look on his face; plus the mirror, who is showing him the image of Fiona Farquaad is demanding, looks very disturbed! That scene makes me want to throw up in my mouth! When Shrek and Donkey enter Duloc and see the massively tall castle Farquaad lives in, Shrek asks Donkey with a little too much glee in his voice, "Do you think maybe he's compensating for something?" The way he says it is a wink at the adult audience, like you know what that means! But I thought surely the movie wouldn't go there, and I thought he meant he was compensating because of his stature as Lord Farquaad is a very short man; almost comically so. He's half the size of Fiona (that's human Fiona, too!) But no, they weren't talking about his height when they made that joke; they make that clear when they return with Fiona. 

When Fiona reveals herself to Shrek to be an ogre just like him (right before she's about to be married to Farquaad and Shrek stops the wedding), they kiss and the spell is broken because she's found her true love. In Beauty and the Beast fashion, she is lifted in the air in a cloud of dust as we wait for her to change. You think (or so they want you to think!) that she's going to change back into her human form, but let's be honest...if she was a human and Shrek was an ogre and they were together...that would be really f**king weird. First of all, he is about fourth girths wider than she is when she's a human and his mouth is big enough to fit over her head and his paws are huge compared to her dainty hands. It's just super weird imagining them being together if you know what I mean. The whole thing made me thing of how Hagrid from the Harry Potter series was conceived as his mother was a giant and his father was a human. Like, how does that even happen? That has always disturbed me! There must have been some kind of potion involved to make either one bigger or one smaller. Shrek and Fiona both have to be either humans or both be ogres...and of course she remains an ogre (as is her TRUE self!) and says she is ugly and Shrek tells her that she's beautiful and they live happily ever after...at least for four (?) more movies. 

Hmm, looking this over, I'm pretty sure I've spelled "Farquaad" two different ways. Oh, well. You know who I'm talking about, anyway! 

Monster Mash

Monsters, Inc.
Directors: Pete Docter, Lee Unrich, and David Silverman
Voice Talent: Billy Crystal, John Goodman, Steve Buscemi, James Coburn, Jennifer Tilly
Released: November 2, 2001
Viewed in theaters: November 3, 2001

Oscar nominations:

Best Animated Feature (lost to Shrek)
Best Original Song - "If I Didn't Have You" by Randy Newman (won)
Best Score - Randy Newman (lost to Howard Shore for The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring)
Best Sound Editing (lost to Pearl Harbor)

Monsters, Inc. is the reason I see all Pixar (or any other animated) movies at nine in the evening (or, at the very least on a weekday during the school year). Why, you ask? Well, because I did not have a good viewing experience seeing this and it has haunted me to this day that this was only the second time I've seen the movie. When this movie came out I was living in a small town that only had one theater (and not a very comfortable or big one at that). It was literally only one theater where only one movie played. (Some other films I saw at this theater include The Fellowship of the Ring (that was a big gamble for me as I knew it was a long-ass movie and I went in knowing nothing about Tolkien, so if I didn't like it, it was going to be a long and painful experience for me, but luckily I ended up really getting into the movie and was ready for the next installment when it ended!), A Beautiful Mind, I Am Sam, and Panic Room.

 So when this movie came out I saw it because, even though Pixar was quite young at this time (Monsters, Inc. is their fourth movie), I was a fan of the first two Toy Story movies. (I have never seen A Bug's Life). I honestly don't remember how crowded the theater was, but like I said, it was pretty small so even if the whole theater wasn't packed, that still makes a huge difference. I just remember there was some young kid (maybe two) who were talking/crying/ kicking my seat (they were seated behind me)/just basically annoying the sh*t out of me during the movie, hence making it hard to enjoy the movie so I've always associated this movie with negative thoughts and that's why I never revisited it until recently. I vowed to myself that I would never see another animated movie during the weekend or weekday when kids are out of school. Fast forward to two years later when I see Finding Nemo in a huge theater PACKED with screaming kids. Yeah, I'm an idiot who didn't follow my own advice. However, I saw Wall-E at nine in the evening; I saw Up at nine in the evening; I saw Toy Story 3 at nine in the evening; I saw How To Train Your Dragon and its sequel at nine in the evening; I saw Inside Out at nine in the evening; you get the picture.

Anyway, I'm glad I finally gave Monsters, Inc. a second chance because I really enjoyed it and it's a really cute movie. However, if you really stop to think about it, the basic premise is a little messed up. It's about a society of monsters who get their energy source from the screams of children, so every night they sneak into their rooms via their bedroom closet to scare the young children all over the world, then capture the screams of terrified children, bottling them up into a air-tight container (the screams, not the children!) Yeah, just a little messed up. However, this being a Pixar/Disney movie, it's a very cute and kid-friendly movie. Obviously.

The movie focuses on two monsters named Mike Wazowski (voiced by Billy Crystal) and James P. Sullivan, or, as his friends call him, Sully (voiced by John Goodman) who work at the energy-producing factory, Monsters, Inc. in the town of Monstropolis. The company's motto is "We Scare Because We Care." They work on the scare floor, a huge room that has access to every bedroom closet door of all the children in the world, so, as you can imagine, there are millions upon millions of doors. There is a chart to keep track of where and when they've been and every child has their own "monster" so they always get scared by the same monster because they (the monsters) knows what each child is afraid of. I'm not really sure how they keep track of all the doors and who's been scared, but somehow they manage to keep it all organized. I don't know which is more convoluted: the scare floor in Monsters, Inc. or Riley's head in Inside Out!

Their job is to obtain the screams of children so that Monstropolis is able to function and be the bright and vibrant city that it is. Sully, a large purple and blue fuzzy monster with horns and a long tail is a scarer which means he goes into the bedrooms to scare the children while Mike, his assistant (basically a large green talking eyeball with arms and legs), gives him the stats and numbers he needs. Each scarer has their own assistant and there is a bit of a rivalry between the two top scarers, Sully and a sleazy chameleon-like monster who can blend in with his surroundings, Randall (voiced by Steve Buscemi).

Even though the monsters who are scarers are big and imposing and have sharp teeth/claws/horns, the most amusing part of the movie is that children are considered toxic to the monster world so if something that belongs to them comes back to the monsters' world (or, God forbid, an actual living child being), they treat it as a risk and take it very seriously. When they enter a room, they will hop around, making sure not to touch or come into contact with any toys or clothes laying on the floor and they never physically touch the children, just scare them, capture the screams, and get out of there. We see what happens when one monster has a child's sock stuck to his back after coming back from a job and the CDA (Child Detection Agency) is called and they put everybody into lock down. The monsters who work for the CDA are all wearing haz-mat suits and helmets and carefully dispose of the sock (by blowing it up), then they shave the poor monster who accidentally brought back the sock and scrub him ten times over.  They went through all this trouble for a single sock, just imagine what would happen if an actual child made their way into Monstropolis!

And that is exactly what will happen. When Sully goes to deliver some important paperwork for Mike (he can't because he has a date with his girlfriend, Cecelia (Jennifer Tilly) a Medusa-inspired monster with snakes for her hair; I did love the scene where she tells Mike she's thinking of getting a haircut and all the snakes are very concerned about that), he sees a closet door is out and open. What he doesn't know is that Randall is the one who left the door activated because he is up to no good. He also leaves the door unattended so he doesn't know that Sully has gone through the door to check what's going on. This is where he meets "Boo" (because she likes yelling "Boo!"), a two-year-old child who takes a quick liking to Sully, calling him, "Kitty!"  (Though I don't think Sully looks like a cat...) When she grabs hold of Sully's tail, he quickly untangles herself from him and puts her back in her room and gets tangled in a bunch of her toys as he stumbles out of her room. He quickly disposes of all the objects (which includes a stuffed Nemo toy) by flushing them down a toilet. There is a great reveal when he turns away and the audience sees Boo is on his back.

Sully knows he has to send her back to her world, but Randall has already put away her door and I guess it would raise an alarm if Sully were to re-activate it because he doesn't want anyone (especially the CDA) to know that a toxic child is among them. He gets Mike involved and he starts freaking out and when Boo sneezes in his direction he sprays disinfect on his eye which turns it red and makes him dance around in agony. I admit, I laughed hard at that. It doesn't take long for Sully to realize that children (at least not this one) aren't toxic and they even realize that her laughter is quite strong and that all along they should have been capturing children's laughter instead of their screams.

Sully and Mike are determined to get Boo safely back to her home, which they do, but not without a few obstacles in their way. They have to go through this maze of thousands of doors which is a fun scene. It's very bittersweet when Sully finally has to say goodbye to Boo; they have to destroy her door once she's back in her house because she now knows about the Monster World and they can't have her making any contact with them. Even though we know Randall is the bad guy, there's also another twist of someone conspiring with him, but of course everything works out in the end and Sully even gets to visit Boo one last time after Mike fixed her door.

You think that would be the idea for the sequel; Sully visiting Boo every now and then and maybe getting into some shenanigans in the human world, but they went for a prequel for the second movie. I added Monsters' University to my Netflix queue after I saw the first movie and I think I enjoyed it more than I was expecting. Most people have this at the lower end of their Netflix rankings and while it wouldn't be near the top of mine, I thought it was quite delightful and I had fun watching it. Also,  my monster would be the dean of the university, Dean Hardscrabble who was voiced by Hellen Mirren. The design of that monster was nightmare fuel with her dragon wings and centipede legs...eesh!

You're Either In or You're Out

Ocean's Eleven

Director: Steven Soderbergh

Cast: George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Andy Garcia, Julia Roberts, Don Cheadle, Carl Reiner, Elliot Gould, Bernie Mac, Casey Affleck, Scott Caan

Released: December 7, 2001

Viewed in theaters: December 18, 2001

Ocean's Eleven is a fun movie. It's also a ridiculous movie if you really stop to think about it. I mean, there's no way that eleven people could ever simultaneously rob three Las Vegas casinos in one night such as they did in this movie. Once we get introduced to the characters and the plot for the con, you can just sit back and enjoy the ride. 

Danny Ocean (George Clooney) has just been released from prison (for attempted robbery, as we will soon see that is what he likes to do) and decides he wants to rob the Bellagio, the Mirage, and the MGM Grand casinos all in one night. I mean, why be so greedy? Why not just rob one of the places? There is a reason why he is targeting these three particular casinos. Terry Benedict (Andy Garcia), the man who owns these casinos, is involved with Danny's ex-wife, Tess (Julia Roberts) and even though he says this isn't about her, it's totally about her.

He reunites with his partner-in-crime pal, Rusty (Brad Pitt), where he tells him his idea and they recruit a handful of men to help him with the job. They all have a role to play in the heist; some are a little more important than others. They need someone to help finance the heist and with casino security knowledge so they go to an old friend, Reuben (Elliot Gould), who once owned a casino of his own. Terry Benedict is a rival of his, so he's happy to help with the heist. I assumed he helped pay for the replica of the vault they reconstruct and he offers his home as a sort of headquarters, but other than that, he really doesn't help with the actual heist. You always need a tech guy in a heist like this so this is where Livingston Dell (Eddie Jamison) comes in. He is in charge of all the electronics and surveillance. He has to sneak into the security room to set up cameras so the crew can see what's going on. Of course we get the inevitable scene with him where it looks like he's about to get caught by a security guard, but instead he gives him something back he forget and asks him a question about how the wires are working. They need someone with knowledge of explosives when it comes times to blow the vault door open, so Basher (Don Cheadle) is recruited He will also help when they need to turn off the electricity in the city for under a minute. For some reason, they made him British and he talks in this really heavy accent which is hard to understand at times. I was really surprised when they replaced Don Cheadle with Terrance Howard in the other two movies. The Malloy brothers, Turk and Virgil (Casey Affleck and Scoot Caan; I'm not sure who plays who) come in handy as drivers and just help with little things, such as pretending to get into a fight at the casino when one lets go of a bunch of balloons to block a security camera. They're just sort of there to assist with small little details. Rusty flies to Florida to convince con man Saul (Carl Reiner) to join them. He will come up with an elaborate story to fool Benedict. Somebody needs to fit into a small money cart that will be wheeled into the vault room (aka the room where all the money is!) so they hire Yen (Qin Shaobo) of "The Amazing Yen" after they see his acrobat show in Vegas. He's very small and limber and can bend his body in ridiculous ways so he's the perfect person to fit into a small box. Danny gets a card dealer he knows, Frank (Bernie Mac), to be transferred from Atlantic City to Vegas so he can cause a diversion later on. I guess he's the closest thing they have to an inside man. Last, but not least, they feel like they need one more person so Danny travels to Chicago where he finds Linus (Matt Damon), after observing his pickpocketing skills. These skills will come in handy with their heists.

When Danny and Rusty propose their idea to Reuben, he tells them robbing a Las Vegas casino (let alone three!) can't be done and tells them about the three closest times anyone's ever come close to robbing a casino. One happened in the sixties, one in the '71, and one in '87. Each time the perpetrator gets a little bit closer to getting a step outside (in fact the '87 guy actually does get outside), but none get away with the crime. I like how this scene is shot: each scene is shot in correspondence to how that time period would look on film (compete with what everyone is wearing and the lighting), the music matches the era ("Take My Breath Away" is played for the '87 con).

Turns out Benedict keeps all the money in the Bellagio's vault, so while they are still robbing three casinos, they only need to do it one place. At least that's a little more realistic..as much as this movie can be realistic! They plan to hit the casino on the same night a big boxing match is being held in Vegas because they know that will bring in a lot of gamblers with all the tourists coming to see the fight (not to mention all the celebrities) and all casinos are supposed to always have a set amount of money on hand so they will have enough. They estimate there will be 160 million dollars in the vault that night and will divide the money eleven ways. The fight will be held in two weeks so that's how much time they have to prepare. In order to do that, Linus goes to the casino everyday where he observes every move Benedict makes and where he is at all times. Lucky for him (and everyone else), this guy has a very set schedule and does the same thing everyday, at the precise minute right down to going to the bathroom. Seems quite convenient for our con artists! This is also when we're introduced to Tess, who works as the curator at a museum at one of the hotels, and Rusty finds out the real reason why Danny is so set on stealing from three casinos that belong to Benedict.

They build a replica of the vault so they can practice with Yen in the money-cart. This is the most dangerous part of the job because he will only have thirty minutes before he runs out of air so they need to make sure he gets where he needs to be in time so he won't suffocate. They also use this replica to make sure he can jump from the cart to another location without signaling the laser lights. While they do get blue prints to the vault, I find it hard to believe they would know the exact replica of it. And exactly how much did it cost to build this replica? If they had an inside man, this would make more sense. They do mention that Frank provided some information, but I doubt a blackjack dealer who just started working there would know all this information! Maybe I'm putting too much thought into this as this is a movie you're just supposed to watch and enjoy.

I do love the scene where the eleven of them are meeting in Vegas for the first time at Reuben's house going over the plan. Yen, who knows very, very little English, asks something in Chinese and Rusty answers him (in English, but still impressive that he knew what Yen was asking) with a very detailed answer. The look on Basher's face as Rusty is answering him is highly amusing.

Saul has a very good question. He wants to know if they get though the security doors and down an elevator they can't move and pass security guards with guns and though a vault that's pretty much impossible to open and not be seen by the cameras, that they're just supposed to walk out of there with all that money. Danny simply answers, "Yes" and Saul seems satisfied with that. Now, of course they don't want to give anything away with how they do plan to do this. As a viewer, I'm screaming at my screen because I want to know, but presumably Danny and Rusty tell everyone their idea off camera.

Danny has been red-flagged by Benedict himself because he has come to see Tess so Benedict knows he's in town and doesn't want him in his hotel. All security will be watching him when he sets foot in the casino. Of course, this is all part of Danny's grand scheme because he thought of everything. They play it off like it's a problem, but Danny knows what he's doing. This is when everyone else (who knows Danny used to be married to Tess) find out about Tess's involvement and there's a funny line where Saul says, "Tess is with Benedict now? She's too tall for him!"

There's an elevator that requires a six digit passcode every so many hours and this is where Linus will come in and will swipe the codes from Benedict being the stealthy pickpocket he is. They will need to turn the laser lights in the elevator shaft off in order to go through it. Basher suggests a device called a pinch (which they steal from The California Institute of Advanced Science) which can shut off all the power in Las Vegas for thirty seconds. While this is going on, Danny and Linus are doing a Mission: Impossible type move where they have to rappel down the elevator shaft before the lights turn back on. When the electricity comes back on thirty seconds later you see that everyone at the fight has become rowdy, so Terry and Tess leave. The patrons at the casino have also gone crazy and it turns into a free for all. Nobody seems to question that the electricity has gone out and there's not even a storm to justify it.

This is the type of movie where you know nothing bad is going to happen and that our protagonist are going to get away with this ridiculous task of stealing $160 millions from a highly guarded casino. You don't know how they're going to do it, but you know it's going to happen. There may be a few hiccups along the way (and we see plenty of them!), but you know they're going to get out of any jams they may find themselves in. You're really not sure what's going to happen until it folds out on screen, so it's fun to see the twists and turns they take. I had forgotten about how they planned to walk out with all the money, but I have to wonder, where did they get SWAT uniforms and trucks? Did Reuben provide those too? Did they share a cut with someone who provided those for them?

There is an amusing running joke throughout the film, where in each new scene he's in, Rusty is usually eating some type of food. I remember seeing nachos, a fruit cup, shrimp cocktail (very Vegas-y), ice cream, and a burger. And those are just the ones I remember off the top of my head.

Something I've never noticed before was during the credits (probably because I never watched the end credits), after they credit everyone, it ends with, "And introducing Julia Roberts as Tess". Obviously this was a joke/Easter egg because she was already a huge star by then and had already been in many, many famous movies and had won her Oscar the previous year. It just made me do a double take when I saw that!

I've seen this movie a handful of times, but I've only seen Ocean's Twelve and Ocean's Thirteen once. I don't remember anything about either of them except that I didn't enjoy watching them and thought they were a bit boring, or at least not as fun a the first one. There is one part I remember about the second movie and that's when Tess pretends to be Julia Roberts as she bares a striking resemblance to her...because she IS Julia Roberts, haha. I don't remember why she had to pretend to be the famous actress, but it was an amusing scene, although you have to wonder...if Julia Roberts exists in the same world as these characters, then why not George Clooney or Brad Pitt or Matt Damon? How come nobody mistakes Danny, Rusty, or Linus for those famous actors? I also saw the spin-off,Ocean's Eight, where Sandra Bullocks play Danny's sister and she recruits her own team of thieves to rob jewelry at the Met Gala. While not as good as the original (and while I know the 2001 is a remake of a 1960 movie of the same name with Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, and Sammy Davis Jr, I consider the 2001 film the original because nobody ever talks about the 1960 movie or probably even knows it exists because the 2001 film is much more well known; heck, I didn't even know this was a remake until several years later!), I did enjoy it more than the sequels. My only gripe (and spoilers for Ocean's Eight about to come) is that they make this big deal how all these women were able to pull off his huge con, but psyche! Yen from the other movies was there all along (recruited by Sandra Bullock unbeknownst to the viewing audience) and helped them with a major part of the scheme. I was like, seriously? I know they wanted to have a fun cameo from the other Ocean movies, but I groaned out loud when I saw that. 

Teen Tropes

Not Another Teen Movie
Director: Joel Gallen
Cast: Chyler Leigh, Chris Evans, Jaime Pressley, Randy Quaid
Released: December 14, 2001

You might find Not Another Teen Movie amusing if you are familiar with '80s and '90s teen movies. I saw this movie about a year after its release and while I remembered most of the '90s teen movie references, I did not remember there being any '80s references, although I did remember that Molly Ringwald makes a cameo toward the end, so that should have been my first clue! This may be because I've only seen two of the '80s movies parodied in this: The Breakfast Club and Ferris Bueller's Day Off (the latter is probably one of the more funnier scenes of the movie as it has the parents of "Ferris" telling their son not to have a party while they're gone and people are literally bringing in speakers and kegs as they tell him this). On the other hand, I've seen all of the '90s teen movies that are spoofed in this two or more times except for Varsity Blues which I've only seen once. (Isn't that the movie Michael Scott shows to his employees in The Office when they have a movie day?) I do love that the characters in this movie attend John Hughes High School. That was a nice touch.

While many teen movies are made fun of (and, for some reason, American Beauty is part of this. I know there are teens in it, but that doesn't make it a teen movie. They make fun of the weird neighbor kid and his fascination with the plastic bag.), She's All That gets the most ribbing which is more than fine with me, because, my God, that movie is TERRIBLE! And this movie shows just how ridiculous it is. Seriously, go back and try to watch that movie. It is unwatchable.

Our main character, Janey Briggs, is played by Chyler Leigh (she played Lexie on Grey's Anatomy). She is 90% Laney Boggs from She's All That (look at her name and she follows most of Laney's storyline) and 10% Kat Stratford from 10 Things I Hate About You (her father (Randy Quaid) won't let her younger brother date until she does). And I guess she's also whichever Molly Ringwald character has a best friend who's in love with her (I really need to brush up on my '80s teen comedies!) as she has a best friend named Ricky who literally tells Janey that he's in love with her every chance he gets (not to mention he reads a poem aloud in class titled "10 Things I Love About Janey", heh).

It's really weird seeing Chris Evans (easily the most well-known actor in this) in this because I'm used to seeing him in a)big blockbusters or b) more serious movies and not stupid stuff like this. While there are some funny and clever elements to this movie, I gotta say the bad outweighs the good and there's a lot of cringeworthy moments in this movie. I especially felt bad for him during theVarsity Blues spoof. But this was his first movie and I guess you gotta start somewhere when you're not yet an established actor. I also felt bad for the girl playing the foreign exchange student, but we'll get to her later. Chyler Leigh also has a really embarrassing first scene (think American Pie). I suppose there'a a reason why this is the first movie (or one of the first) for many of the main actors!

Evans plays Jake who is modeled after Freddie Prinze Jr.'s She's All That character. 

His girlfriend, Priscilla (Jaime Pressley) has broken up with him, and,  just like in She's All That, he makes a bet with his friends to find the most unattainable and unattractive girl at their school to transfer into the Prom Queen. This scene is quite humorous as he's suggesting truly hideous girls to his friends for them to choose for him such as a hunchbacked girl with warts all over her face, conjoined twins, and an albino girl with red demon eyes, but when they suggest Janey Briggs he is so repulsed by the very idea of trying to make her into someone popular and that it will never work. Janey is deemed ugly because she has glasses, wears her hair in a ponytail, and has paint-splattered overalls. Despite all these terrible aspects of her physical appearance, she is obviously a very attractive girl (just like Rachael Leigh Cook is in She's All That) and I do give the movie props for pointing out just how stupid it is.

Jake does whatever he can to get Janey's attention and this includes serenading her (obviously taken from 10 Things) and he picks Aerosmith's "Janie's Got a Gun" since her name is in the title and when he starts singing it in front of her and the entire school, all the students start freaking out and Janie is tackled by the campus security. Yeah, something tells me they would never be able to get away with that scene in today's world!

Of course, Janey will get a makeover courtesy of Chris's sister, Catherine where she literally takes Janey's glasses off and lets her hair down and she is automatically "hot". Catherine is modeled after Sarah Michelle Gellar's character in Cruel Intentions (they even share the same name, just spelled differently) and she has some weird attraction to her brother. When she's trying to make out with him and he tells her they can't do that because they're related, she replies, "Only by blood." Of course in the movie it's spoofing, she responds, "Only by marriage" since they're step-siblings. Still gross in both scenarios. There's also this really weird scene where, after Jake's dad learns the his girlfriend broke up with him, offers to let his own mother "comfort" him if you know what I mean. Ewww...and what movie is that spoofing from? I mean, I at least get the Cruel Intentions joke, but what teen movie has a mother being attracted to her own son? Because I've never seen that one, luckily!

Almost Famous is another non-teen movie they spoof when Janey jumps off a roof and into a pool at a party (again, I know there are teens in Almost Famous, but that doesn't mean it's a teen movie!) and when she climbs out of the pool, SOAKING wet, Priscilla pours water on her and she runs away, crying. This is similar to a scene in She's All That when Freddie's ex-girlfriend pours her drink on Laney and she runs away, crying.

One of the worst scenes is when Janey's younger brother and his two friends are crawling in the vents to have a peek at two girls taking a shower together (and, of course, they are lathering each other up) in the girl's locker room. They also spy on a girl using the toilet and let's just say it's not as erotic as the two girls sudsing each other up. Now while this is going on, it cuts back to an English class where the teacher is about to read a poem but when a student makes a fart noise with his hand and everyone laughs, the teacher makes the comment, "Is this what your generation considers humor?" He continues to go on about what real comedy is and how this generation only seems to find toilet humor funny. I don't know what's wrong with the girl, but she has a very bad case of diarrhea; so bad that both she and the toilet end up falling through the floor and landing in the classroom where all the excrements land on the teacher (and there are a lot!) I do get the joke of this scene, but it was really gross (I, for one, do not find toilet humor to be funny, especially when it's that disgusting) and if this is a spoof from a teen movie, I don't think I've ever seen it. I know there are sometimes gross scenes in those movies (like that one from She's All That - if you know it, you know it; if you don't, I'm not going to make you lose your appetite to tell you. It wasn't as visually disgusting as this one, but it was still really gross and unnecessary.) The logistics of this scene doesn't make any sense. I have never heard of/seen a gym on the second floor of any school. Gyms are always on the ground floor! I felt bad for the girl on the toilet. The actress, I mean. I don't know who she is or if she went on to have some sort of career. I don't see anyone credited as "Girl on Toilet" in the credits so I can't look her up. Can you imagine taking this role and having your friends and family watch it? You could not pay me enough money to do that. I still have some dignity! Of course, maybe she took the role and didn't tell anyone and persuaded everyone she knew that she heard this movie was terrible and not to see it!

But she's a non-character and her role is a small one. The girl who plays the foreign exchange student (who is based off of the overly-sexualized Nadia from American Pie) is in a few scenes and she is from some random country because her accent seems to change in every scene. She is also naked in every single scene. At first, I thought she was just topless because we first see her sitting down, but no, she is completely nude. When she is standing, they do have certain object strategically placed in front of her so not everything is showing. I don't know the actress, but she's gone on to have a pretty good steady career (so maybe that helped her!) and I know it was her choice to be in the movie. I don't have a problem with nudity in movies, but this was a little much and they just wanted it in there (along with the toilet scene) so it could be as raunchy and gratuitous as they could make it. I feel like the movie goes for shock value more than actual humor.

Since Molly Ringwald represents the '80s teen movie cameo, they needed someone to represent the cameo for the '90s teen movies and that person would be...Melissa Joan Hart. Now, she's more affiliated with '90s teen TV than movies as the only movie I can think of her in is Drive Me Crazy, which might be just as terrible as She's All That. I don't think they even made fun of it in this movie, so all the more puzzling why she's even in this. She makes her appearance during the pool party scene when a kid starts slow clapping after Janey runs away and tells him that he can't start a slow clap at any moment: it has to be the right moment and he'll know when he sees it. (Which will happen when our two leads realize they have feelings for each other). Is the slow clap a trope in teen movies because I can't think of any examples. Unless it was in Drive Me Crazy and I don't remember (I will admit that movie didn't always hold my attention!) I know the slow clap is a thing in inspirational sports movies like Cool Runnings when they crash, but then they are able to get up and walk to the finish line carrying the bobsled.

When I reviewed Independence Day, I said if I could make my own edited version with just the really good scenes, that's what I would recommend to people. It's the same with this movie. There are some really funny and clever things in this movie and if I could just make an edited version with the truly great scenes from this movie, that's what I would do and leave all the other crap (literally, in some scenes!) behind.

Teen Royalty

The Princess Diaries

Director: Garry Marshall

Cast: Anne Hathaway, Julie Andrews, Hector Elizondo, Heather Matarazzo, Mandy Moore

Released: August 3, 2001

The Princess Diaries is a cute movie. That's about the highest compliment I can give it. The title isn't exactly accurate because (spoiler alert!) she doesn't become a princess until, like, the last five minutes of the movie. It's based on the 2000 book by Meg Cabot. I've never read it, but I believe it's written entirely in diary format, hence the title. I knew this was a series, but I didn't realize there are well over ten books in it and they're still being written. (Well, the last one published, according to Wikipedia, was in 2015.) It looks like there's spinoffs to this series as well. I really do not know anything about this world! I guess it does make sense there's a series because I'm sure it's fun for young girls to read about this girl who became a princess and how she's living her life now. But we're just going to stick with the first installment.

Mia Thermopolis (played by Anne Hathaway in her first lead role) is a gawky, clumsy, unpopular fifteen-year-old high school student with frizzy hair and glasses. Her only friend at school is Lilly (played by Heather Matarazzo) who is just as unpopular as Mia, but she doesn't care about that and cares more about social issues affecting the world than the social politics at school. Mia has a bad crush on the popular Josh Bryant (which her mom will later refer to as a "Backstreet Boy clone", heh) and often fantasizes about kissing him. For the longest time I thought he was played by Chad Michael Murray because this was around the time he was really popular, but it's not him. His girlfriend is the popular Lana (played by Mandy Moore in her first movie) who is just a mean bee-yotch! There's one particular scene where she's being extra bee-yotchy and Mia shoves an ice cream cone into her cheerleading uniform, which was most definitely deserved. Lilly's older brother, Michael has a crush on Mia despite her fizzy hair and clumsiness. He'll especially like her more after she gets her makeover. He works at an auto shop and is fixing up Mia's first car, a 1966 Mustang, a sweet ride, if I do say so myself. 

I love how much of a cat person Mia is. She has a black and white cat named Fat Louie (who isn't even fat) who is fairly present throughout the movie and her bedspread has cats on it and she wears cat pajamas and cat shorts. Her wall is decorated with cutouts of cats from magazines (she must subscribe to those pet magazines) and I'm pretty sure I saw one of a Himalayan...I love Himalayans! Her cat's cathouse has stickers and cutouts of cats all over it. There is also a stuffed cat on her bed, although it is an orange cat. You think she would want a black and white stuffed cat to look like her real cat. 

Mia lives in San Francisco with her mother, who is an artist. She must make a killing selling her artwork because they have a pretty nice place. Apparently selling two pieces of her artwork, she was able to afford Mia her car. As far as I know, Mia has never had any type of relationship with her father who recently died within the last couple of months. Her parents met in college and got married very young, then divorced. All Mia knows about her father is that he's from the small European country of Genovia and comes from a wealthy family.

When her grandmother, Clarisse (played by Julie Andrews...okay, how amazing would it be to work with her in your first movie? Anne Hathaway had to be freaking out!) is in town and wants to meet with Mia, Mia is not super enthused as this is the first time her grandmother has shown any interest in her and thinks of her as "snooty". She thinks her grandmother made her parents get a divorce, but her mother tells her it was a mutual agreement. While they're having tea (and the tea Mia is drinking looks super weak), Clarisse asks her if she is familiar with Edward Christof Philippe Gerald Renaldi and when Mia says she isn't, her grandmother drops a bombshell on her when she tells her he's her father and was the Prince of Genovia (making her, Clarisse, the Queen) and now that he's gone, Mia is now the legal and only heir to the throne and she wants to train her to be a princess. Mia has the funny "Shut up!" moment that was in all the trailers when this movie came out, but she is not thrilled at the prospect of becoming a princess as the thought terrifies her and she just wants to remain invisible, something she is good at. Queen Clarisse tells Mia that if she refuses to accept the throne, Genovia will "cease to exist" - I'm not really sure how that works. Surely there is some other blood relative out there like a distant cousin? But goodness, that's a lot of pressure to put on a fifteen-year-old! But hey! Now I understand how Mia's mother is able to afford her daughter a nice car, enroll her in private school, and have a nice house: her ex must have been sending her some nice checks! Now it all makes sense. I knew there was no way that artwork could pay for all that!

We never find out how Mia's father died, but it had to be something that was sudden like a car or plane crash. (Suicide? But that would be really dark!) If he had been sick with something and they knew he wouldn't have long to live, then surely they would have time to prepare and tell Mia about this before he died?

When Mia confronts her mother who knew about all of this, she tells her that after she and Philippe divorced, they decided that he and Clarisse would keep their distance so Mia could have a normal childhood and that they had planned to tell Mia everything when she turned eighteen. Mia, her mother, and Clarisse all compromise that Mia won't have to make a decision until the Genovia Independence Day Ball, but in the meantime her grandmother will give her princess lessons. This includes how to dress, how to sit and eat properly while dining, how to talk properly, how to wave etc., etc. There's a funny moment when Clarisse is teaching Mia how to sit and tells her, "Princesses never cross their legs in public" and Charlotte, the Queen's assistant, who has been sitting with her legs crossed, very discreetly uncrosses her legs. Instead, they sit with one ankle behind the other. And of course we get the famous montage where Mia gets the She's All That makeover where they give her contacts and do something with her hair (at least in this movie it's a little more than just taking out her ponytail as they get rid of her frizz and give her sleek, straight hair). Everyone is shocked she is a beauty! Everyone acts like she was so ugly before, but she really wasn't. She just wasn't as polished as she is now. The guy who gave her the makeover is played by Larry Miller (aka the dad from 10 Things I Hate About You) and there's a funny moment when he asks her if she has contacts and she says she does, but doesn't like to wear them. He snaps her glasses in half and tells her she'll be wearing them now. Aghast, she says, "You broke my glasses" and he simply replies, "You broke my brush" because just moments before he had been brushing her unruly hair and the handle broke off when the brush got stuck in her hair. He also tells her, "If Brooke Shields married Groucho Marx, their child would have your eyebrows."

Let's learn some fun facts about Genovia, shall we? (And by the way, when you type it into Wikipedia, it guides you to the page about the Princess Diaries novels.) Genovia is a small country located between France and Spain. Now, in this world, is Genovia Andorra? Does Andorra even exist? Are there TWO small countries between France and Spain, Genovia AND Andorra? English and French are the two national languages, the capital is Pyrus (terrible name), they do a lot of trade with Spain (but not with France?), and they are very well known for their pears. Their flag is three vertical stripes of lime green, white, and turquoise. I'm surprised the colors aren't hot pink, white, and lilac or something really girly like that. Oh, and Julie Andrews is their Queen...so not too shabby!

The Queen has a driver, Joe (played by Hector Elizondo), who drives Mia to school. When they pick up Lilly, she is wondering what is going on with the limo and Mia's new hair style. Now that Mia has a new look and is carrying a new expensive backpack and riding in a limo, Lilly accuses her of being an "A-crowd wannabe" and that Mia used to care more about what's in her head then what's on it. She is also mad at Mia because she was too busy to sign a petition that was important to her.  Knowing that she might lose Lilly's friendship, Mia tells her what's going on, but swears her to secrecy. The news excites Lilly and she apologizes to Mia. Mia wears a hat to cover her new hairstyle, but Lana points out that students aren't allowed to wear hats in school and the teacher makes Mia take it off. Now you know Lana thinks Mia is wearing a hat because she's having a really bad hair day and just wants to embarrass her, but HA, joke's on you, Lana!

The next day at school, all the paparazzi has arrived at the school because they have learned that Mia is royalty. Lana tells that that she's best friends with Mia. You wish, Lana! Lilly swears to her that she didn't tell anyone. Clarisse and Mia's mom arrive at the school to address the issue with the vice-principal who is played by a pre-Grey's Anatomy Sandra Oh. She is very different from Christina Yang here. She lets the Queen sit in her chair and serves her coffee in a porcelain mug while she offers Mia's mother coffee in a paper cup. She asks her, while kneeling very close to her, "What's it like in Genovia? Do people just fawn all over you?" It turns out that the stylist was the one who told the press about Mia because he wanted the whole world to know that he was the one who gave her the transformation.

Her debut as a princess-in-training is a State Dinner her grandmother is having with a bunch of dignitaries from around the world. It doesn't go quite so smoothly for Mia. You would think when she accidentally catches the sleeve of the person sitting next to her on fire and has to douse his arm in an ice bucket, that would be the biggest scene she caused of the night, but it wasn't. (And also, how did that guy not even notice his arm was on fire until she put it in the ice bucket?) No, the biggest faux pas she of the night she makes is when a grape rolls off her plate and she goes under the table to retrieve it (why?) and while she's under the table, the guy next to her gets up and trips over her and he trips a waiter who throws his platter in the air and water and food spill all over the table. It looks like Mia is going to be in serious trouble, but everyone starts laughing. Oh, ha, ha, ha! Whew, that was a close one!

Lilly asks Mia to be on her access cable show Saturday night and Mia promises she'll be there. She is also asked out to a beach party by her crush, Josh, who has recently broken up with Lana. When she tells her mother this and her mom points out that he was never nice to her and Mia says, "He is now", I have to wonder how many brain cells she has. Does she not understand that he's only being nice to her because she's famous and has better hair? The party turns out to be a disaster for Mia because somebody called the press (I wasn't clear if it was Josh or Lana) and when Josh goes in to kiss Mia who isn't ready for it (she wants her first kiss to be perfect and for her foot to "pop" (meaning she wants her foot to lift as she's being kissed like in the old movies)) the paparazzi snaps an awkward photo of them kissing. And if that's not bad enough, when Mia runs away from the press, Lana and her minions "help" Mia by telling her to hide in this changing tent. I actually really thought Lana was being genuine at this moment and did want to be friends with Mia since she was a princess and you would think Lana would want to be on her good side, but nope. While Mia is changing from her bathing suit into her clothes, Lana motions for the press to come over and she tips over the changing tent where we see Mia with just a towel around her and the press starts snapping photos.

Now...I have a huge issue with all this press/paparazzi stuff. I'm trying to imagine this scenario happening in my hometown: a young teenaged girl has been discovered to be the descendant of a royal from a small country and is indeed a princess by birthright. Of course, that would be exciting news. I can see the local news interviewing her and there being a spread about her in the paper. However, I cannot see the paparazzi giving a crap and following her around. Granted, I live in a place where there is no paparazzi, but I really can't see anyone following her around with their cameras and snapping photos because, honestly, I really don't think anybody would care that much. No offense to Genovia, I'm sure it's a lovely country, but does anyone really care about that country? Does anybody even know where it is? I just can't see Mia being followed around by the paparazzi and getting those photos published in the paper. Also, why are they taking photos of her in just a towel? Shouldn't common sense tell them that this isn't right, that they're taking photos of a nearly naked fifteen-year-old girl? And yet these photos are still being published? This smells likes a lawsuit. This makes FRONT PAGE news on the freakin' San Francisco Chronicle. You think it would be in the entertainment or lifestyle section, but no, this is front page news! Interestingly enough, the date is June 11, 2001. Hmm...something tells me in three months nobody is going to care about this anymore!

Her grandmother is disappointed with her because she embarrassed the family. Lilly is angry with her because she ditched her radio show to go to the beach party and Mia tells her she forgot to tell her she wouldn't be able to make it. Mia tells her she's decided to abstain from being a princess and this news makes Lilly sad, that even though she's angry and jealous of Mia, she wants her to be a princess because she could have the power to affect change and do something good with her new title. I have to say, Lilly is an amazing best friend. Had I been in her situation, I probably would have persuaded Mia not to take the position. I wouldn't want my best friend to move all the way to Europe! But Lilly realizes that this is an amazing opportunity for Mia and encourages her to rethink about refusing the throne.

Mia also ended up disappointing Michael, who had invited her to see his band practice and then they could get a pizza together, but it was the same day as the beach party and she ended up ditching him to be with Backstreet Boy clone Josh. I have to say that Michael is much better looking for Josh. I really never understood what Mia saw in that douche anyway. Fun fact: Michael is played by Robert Schwartzman (you might be more familiar with his brother, Jason who's been in a lot more movies). He is the son of Talia Shire, who you might remember from my Godfather review, played Connie Corleone. Which means his uncle is Francis Ford Coppola, so that's pretty impressive. To apologize to both Lilly and Michael, Mia invites them to the Genovia Independence Day Ball. Even though she's not going to be a princess, she's still expected to come.

Mia has a neighbor, who is a self-loathing soap opera writer and won an Emmy (daytime, I assume). I really have no idea why he's even in this movie because his scenes add nothing and if you took them away, you wouldn't even notice. The only mildly amusing scene with him is when he's chatting with Joe who's waiting for Clarisse who's visiting with Mia. He tells Joe that he once wrote a character who was a spy, just like him. Joe tells him he's not a spy and the neighbor tells him that that's what the character said too. Yeah, this character was completely unnecessary and didn't add anything to the story at all. I guess he does give Joe some information about which way Mia went when he's looking for her.

Queen Clarisse tells Mia that she wants to formally renounce her title at the Ball, but Mia has plans to run away to Colorado with her cat. I'm not really sure if she's really thought this entire plan out. Where is she going to stay? Or do about money? However, as she's packing the diary her grandmother gave her for her (early) 16th birthday present that was from her father, an envelope falls out and she reads a letter from her father. Reading this letter makes Mia change her mind and she decides to go to the Ball. She's already late and wearing jeans and a sweatshirt (one of the guests will question her date, "Do you think they're trying to save money on the gown?" when Mia shows up) and it's pouring and she can't get the top up on her convertible so she her to drive without it up. As she's going up that crazy steep hill (if I lived in SF, I would avoid that hill like the plague!), her car doesn't make it, but she is rescued by Joe who has been sent out to look for her. (This is when the neighbor tells him which way she went and how long ago she left.) They make it to the Ball and there's an amusing moment where Charlotte is squeezing the water from Mia's hair into a glass as they walk towards the Queen who's about to announce her granddaughter couldn't make it. Mia tells the audience that she had every intention of abdicating the crown, but had a change of heart when she realized how many people she could reach and help if she accepted her title of being a princess. She wants to be forever known as Amelia Minunet Thermopolis Renaldi, Princess of Genovia. (That's a mouthful!)

Mia changes into her princess gown and has her first dance as a princess with Michael. She also has her first real kiss with him and her foot pops to lift a lever. At first I thought she was going to turn the lawn sprinklers on, but it was the lever that turned on all the lights to the fountain so it was this perfect, you might even say, fairy tale kiss. The movie ends with Mia on her private jet (well, it was probably the Queen's private jet) on her way to live in her new palace in Genovia, writing an entry in the journal her dad gave her. So now she's officially a princess and writing in her diary, hence the title. I love that her cat is sitting on a fancy pillow and wearing a tiara. I'm sure he loved that! Michael and Lilly spent the summer in Genovia with Princess Mia, but the relationship between Mia and Michael must have fizzled out because he's not in the sequel called Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement where she is looking for a husband. Heh, Chris Pine is the one who plays her romantic interest in that movie.

If they ever write a book where Mia has a baby, they should call it Princess Diaries [insert Roman numeral here]: Mama Mia! 

All hail King Louie