When he and his colleague finally get out of the meeting, his colleague tells him he's going to take the eight o'clock flight home because there's no way he'd make the six o'clock flight. Neal is going to look back at this moment and just wished he had taken this flight. All he has to do is call his wife and tell her he's going to be a little later than expected. Now that flight was probably cancelled because of the weather, but he wouldn't have been in the predicament he will soon find himself in!
In the bustling streets of Manhattan, Neal is in a long line of people waiting for a cab, but he gets out of line and tries to find one on his own. We see a man on the opposite side of the street who is also trying to hail a taxi and they both spot one at the same time. It's a little down the street and they both start running, on opposite sides of the street. It looks like Neal is going to get there first, but just as he's about to reach it, he trips over this huge clunky trunk and the other man gets there first and salutes Neal as he gets in. The man is played by Kevin Bacon and I thought for sure he was going to appear again in some capacity, but he never does. I watched this on Paramount Plus and he's the third name listed. True, it's probably because after Steve Martin and John Candy, he's the next biggest name (with all due respect to Dylan Baker and Michael McKean), but it's just so weird to see him in this role without any lines. I wouldn't even call it a cameo. The only thing that would have made it work for me is if he was playing himself (because that would have been hilarious), but I didn't get that sense.
Neal runs up to a businessman who's just hailed a cab and pleads if he could have it because he's "desperately" late for his flight and was "wondering if I could appeal to your good nature to ask you to let me have it." The man replies, "I don't have a good nature." Neal offers him ten dollars and even that made me scoff. Like, seriously? That seems low even for 1987. And we know he can afford more because he lives in a house that looks a lot like the Home Alone house (but with no circular driveway). They bargain and eventually the price is raised to $75 (due to the other guy conning him; Neal had settled on $50 and the guy told him anyone who would pay $50, would pay $75 which makes no sense to me except for the fact that he knew he could take advantage of a desperate man). While they're barraging, we see the same trunk Neal tripped over earlier being lifted up and put into the trunk of the cab with the help of the taxi driver. We don't see the person but we all know it's John Candy's character. (Who else would it be?) This is happening right next to Neal and I don't know how he doesn't notice this. Does he not see this in his peripheral vision? The taxi screeches off right after he has given the other man the money. He picks up his briefcase and luggage and starts running after the cab and I'm impressed he's actually able to catch up to it when it stops at a red light. He tells the passenger (who is indeed the character played by John Candy) that this is his cab and to get out. The passenger looks startled, but the light turns green and the taxi speeds off.
Neal ends up taking the bus and at 5:58, he is rushing towards the gate. I know this was before 9/11, but even that is cutting it close! There's no way they would let a person on a plane with only two minutes! Right? Right?! Well, it turns out the flight is delayed so he's not getting on the six o'clock anyway. He looks really disappointed and I'm thinking, he should be glad because there's no way they would have let him on the original flight anyway! He calls his wife to tell her about the delay. He has three young kids; the middle one is played by a pre-Mrs. Doubtfire and Boy Meets World Matthew Lawrence. His oldest child (she's probably nine or ten) is super annoying. When Neal calls, she keeps demanding her mom to tell her who's on the phone and keeps repeating, "Who IS IT?" STFU, little girl.
While waiting for the flight, Neal looks across and sees a guy reading a book called "The Canadian Mounted" and instantly recognizes him as the man who took his cab. He calls him out on it and the man apologizes and wants to make it up to him. He offers to get Neal a hot dog and beer, but Neal tells him no thanks. Then he start spouting a bunch of other food and drinks (mostly drinks as he mentions coffee, tea, milk, and a slurpee) he could offer, but Neal says no.
When boarding the plane, Neal is told he will be seating in coach. He's pretty angry because he bought his first class ticket a month ago. The flight attendant is pretty short with him; she's not very professional at all which seems to be a running theme in this movie. I can't blame him; I'd be pretty ticked off too if I didn't get the seat I paid for. She does tell him he'll be refunded. I think he just needs to cut his losses and accept his fate. He'll get his money back and the flight will only be less two hours (well that's what the intended flight should be!). To make matters worse for Neal, he's sitting next to the man he just met. The man introduces himself as Del Griffith and tells him he sells shower curtain rings. That's an object you use, but something you never think about. Don't most shower rings come with the shower curtain? Unless he's selling them to shower curtain companies...I dunno, but it's just amusing that's what he sells.
Because of the bad weather, they end up landing in Wichita, Kansas. He calls his wife to let her know. She is so dumb: "I don't understand what Wichita has to do with a snowstorm in Chicago." Duh, they had to be rerouted because they couldn't land. Neal has to explain this to his idiotic wife.
There's no flights out of Wichita and Neal tries to call hotels looking for a room, but nothing is available. When Del tells him he booked a rom at the Braidwood Inn and tells him he'll make sure Neal gets a room because he (Del) knows the manager if Neal will pick up the cab fare. Neal is hesitant at first, but then agrees when he sees a guy sleeping by a trash receptacle.
The motel is clearly in a seedy part of town. During the time they're checking in, they both give the manager, Gus, their Diners Club cards. There's a mix up and somehow they end up with each other's cards which nobody notice because Del is chatting with Gus. There are no names on the cards (which is odd) which is why they don't realize they have the wrong cards. This will come back later.
They are told there is only one room left, which means they'll be sharing a room with one (small!) bed. It's a little awkward when they enter the small room and see the single bed, but they don't mention anything about it.
While Neal is in the bathroom taking a shower, Del starts taking stuff out of his trunk including a framed photo of a woman who is his wife which he places on the bedside table next to him. Carrying around framed photos is just odd to me...even in 1987. I know people didn't have smart phones with pictures back then, but they could put a small photo in their wallet.
In the shower, the water shuts off while Neal is shampooing his his hair and he gets shampoo in his eyes. (As you can probably imagine, this is a crappy motel.) It does turn back on and when he's done with his shower, he opens the sliding door to see a huge mess. There are wet towels strewn across the floor (along with a wet newspaper) and the countertop has toiletries scattered about everywhere. There's only one single small washcloth on the rack that Neal uses to dry off with. This scene confused me so much because it couldn't have happened before Neal took a shower or otherwise he would have for sure said something. Did Del come in while Neal was in the shower? I don't think Neal would have liked that very much! But if Del came in, why didn't they show that? There's no way Neal wouldn't have heard him. But if he's using all the towels, that would have implied that he showered first and Neal should have seen this mess BEFORE he took a shower. I am so confused! I guess there was a deleted scene of Del messing up the bathroom while Neal was in the shower. Still doesn't make any sense to me. Anyway, I would have been livid if somebody just made a big mess like that and used ALL the towels. Not cool, dude.
As they're getting settled in (the very small!) bed, we find out the Neal's side of the bed is damp with beer because the cans had exploded when Del opened them because they had been sitting on the bed which had been vibrating. (What is the deal with vibrating beds anyway? I feel like they're alway in '80s movie, more specifially John Hughes movies because there was one in National Lampoon's Family Vacation.)
As Neal tries to sleep, Del is doing his (what I assume) sleeping ritual. This includes cracking his knuckles, itching some part of his body (I can only imagine what), then most annoyingly, starts doing some weird snorting noises with his throat. Neal can't take it anymore and jumps out of bed in a heap of rage and Del explains to him that if he doesn't clear his sinuses, he'll snore all night. He couldn't do that in that bathroom? Neal just explodes and tells Del he's been "under [his] skin since New York, starting with ripping off [his] cab." He goes on a tirade about how Del talks too much and has nothing interesting to stay. He goes a little beneath the belt, but I can understand why he's annoyed with him.
Then sad, inspirational music comes on as Del agrees that he talks too much, but says he's not changing because, as he says, "I like me. My wife likes me. My customers like me 'cause I'm the real article. What you see is what you get."
I think Neal should have focused more on Del's inconsiderate habits (like taking and using all the clean towels in a hotel room or smoking in the room) rather than make it super personal. Here he's just downright cruel to Del and the audience is meant to feel bad for him, but I would find him annoying as well. If somebody just left me with a washcloth to dry off with, that person is dead to me. Getting out of a shower and not having a towel to dry off would make me very cranky.
Neal doesn't say anything, but he looks a little guilty. They both get in bed and during the night we see someone breaking in and stealing their money from their wallets. Apparently, there was a deleted scene where they order pizza and they gave the pizza guy a terrible tip and he broke in and robbed them. They need to keep this scene in because they will soon discover their money is gone.
In the morning, we see a bunch of crap on Del's side of the bed, including beer cans and an empty Cracker Jacks box. It looks like most of the caramel popcorn got on the bed and spread on his pillow and pajamas...gross!
The camera pans to show that a sleeping Del is spooning against a sleeping Neal and kisses his ear as Neal smiles. Seriously, he can't tell that's not his wife? Something tells me Del's breath doesn't smell like his wife's breath! His arm is draped over Neal who is holding his hand. Neal wakes up, realizing what just happened and we get this hilarious exchange:
"Del, why did you kiss my ear?"
"Why are you holding my hand?"
"Where's your other hand?"
"Between two pillows."
"Those aren't pillows!"
They both quickly jump out of bed and start talking about the Bears so they seem manly.
Neal goes into the bathroom only to see Dels dirty socks in the sinks. Even worse, he reaches for something to dry his face with after washing it, but we all know there are no towels left and he grabs Del's underwear. He doesn't realize until after he's used it what it is...ewww! I can only hope it was clean underwear, but who are we kidding. Blergh!
They have breakfast at a diner where Neal tells Del he called the airport who said everything is booked solid, but he has "a good chance of getting on stand by." Del says there's no way either of them will be getting on a flight, but he has a friend who works for the railroad and suggests taking a train. They get the check which Neal says he'll pay for. He says he doesn't mind as long as Del can get him on that train. He opens his wallet to see his money is gone. He thinks Del took his money and when he glares at Del and Del says, "What?", I love how Neal replies, "You know goddamn well what." He had $700 cash in there! Who carries around that much cash? Del gives him his wallet and tells him the exact amount he has and to go ahead and count it, but when Neal opens it, it's also empty.
Del looks at the positive side (he did have $200 that was stolen, but at least it wasn't $700!) and says since the thief didn't take their credit cards, they can just charge their way home. That honestly seemed like the no duh answer to me that I looked up to see what people used their credit cards for in the '80s and discovered that people really used them for big purchases or emergencies. I guess I would count this as an emergency! Neal asks what cards Del has and he has a Visa and a gasoline card. Del has a card for "Chalmer's Big and Tall Men's Shop" which is a chain in the Pacific Northwest. I love how he adds, "Unfortunately, it does us no good here." Like, even if that store was in the Midwest, it's not going to help with their travels!
They are picked up by Gus's (the manger of the motel) son who has arrived in a huge pickup truck. Both Neal and Del are a little weary when they meet Owen (Dylan Baker) who keeps snorting and spitting. Right after introducing himself and before shaking Neal's hand, he spits in his mouth and Neal is just grimacing as he touches his hand. Ewwww. I think in this instance, you can refuse to shake a hand, right? The face Steve Martin makes everytime Owen snorts is so funny.
Del and Neal grab Del's trunk, but Owen tells them his wife will get it and that she's stronger than she looks. She's sitting in the car with a toddler and a baby, but the two guys quickly say they'll get the trunk. They ride in the back with a dog. It's vey cold and the ride to the train station is "no more than forty-five miles". By the time they arrive, they are covered in frost.
Their seat tickets for the train aren't together. Del is a little upset, but you can can tell Neal is trying to hide his glee that he won't have to sit next to his traveling mate and that he's finally gotten to get rid of him. He explains the train being full because of the holidays, which is true. Del asks if he wants to meet later and get a drink at the bar car, but Neal says he plans to sleep and tells him, "It's been interesting." As Neal walks away, Del calls after him saying he needs his address so he can send him money for the ticket, but Neal says it's a gift. I assume he's feeling quite generous since he will never have to see this man again (so he thinks!).
Of course, we know it can't be that easy and the train breaks down somewhere near Jefferson City. Everyone is told if they walk a mile to the highway, the trucks will take them to the bus station. Neal sees Del struggling with his trunk and helps him carry it.
Now they (and everybody else) are on a bus traveling from Missouri's capital to St. Louis. This has to be their worst form of transportation. It's so terrible it's not even mentioned in the title! (Though I'm assuming a bus counts as an automobile.) The bus is full and cramped, there's a kid running up and down the aisle, a couple sitting across from them is getting hot and heavy, then they start smoking. I know it was used as a joke, but I would be LIVID if someone on a bus started smoking! This is something I noticed about this movie: that people are always smoking. Del, especially. We already saw him smoking in the motel room and in diners.
At the bus stop in St. Louis, Del starts conning people by selling them shower rings and telling them they're earrings or rings (that's a big ass ring!) autographed by people like Diane Sawyer or Darryl Strawberry or Walter Cronkite. At one point he says the earring were "handcrafted by the grand wizard of China in the fourth century." He admits these aren't the originals, "but they are very good replicas."
The two travel companions are eating at a diner when Neal starts to say, "You know, I've been thinking that when we put our heads together, you know, we really..." As he's saying this, Del starts to smile, thinking Neal is going to say how good they are together, but Neal finishes the sentence with, "we've really gotten nowhere and I think I'm holding you up." Del's smile falls but reluctantly agrees to part ways.
Neal is dropped off by the bus in a parking lot of rental cars. He goes to the marked spot where his car is supposed to be but it is empty. Rightly, he is upset. He is very upset. He calls after the bus that dropped him off, but it's too far away and he's not going to make it. He has to make the long trek back to the building where the rental car agency is. This includes walking along a busy highway and across a busy airport and sliding down a steep embankment where he nearly gets hit by a bus. This probably has to be the worst thing that happens to him during the entire jaunt.
When an irate Neal gets to the counter, the car rental agent (Edie McClurg) is talking on the phone, but it's obviously a personal call because she's talking about Thanksgiving plans with a family member. I feel like they have this in here for the audience to be annoyed at her so that maybe Neal's rant at her will be justified. I think it would have been just as effective if she was professional, but had the super chirpy annoying personlity which is part of the reason Neal lashes out at her. This woman has a LONG LINE of customers. Why is she taking a personal call?
This is probably the most famous scene of the movie and the scene you remember the most if you've only seen it a couple times. When she asks Neal if she can help him, he tells her, "You can give me a f'ing automobile." After she tells him, "I really don't care for the way you're talking to me", he starts in on his tirade: "And I really don't care how your f'ing company left me in the middle of f'ing nowhere with f'ing keys to a f'ing car that isn't f'ing there. And I really didn't care to walk down a f'ing highway and across a f'ing runway to get back here to have you smile in my f'ing face. I want a f'ing car right f'ing now." All these f***s pay off because after the agent asks to see his rental agreement and he says he threw them away, she tells him, "You're f***ed." But seriously, I want to know what happened to his rental car. Why wasn't it there?
He tries to get a taxi to take him all the way to Chicago (how much would THAT cost, I wonder?), but ends up meeting up with Del where he will share a ride with him. Del tells him, "You know, I had a feeling that when we parted ways, somehow, someday our paths would cross again." (Yeah, they would cross again literally the same day!)
When Neal takes his turn at the wheel, it's dark outside. Del is trying to get adjusted to his seat, but can't seem to get comfortable and keeps messing around with it. When they switch, there's a funny payoff when the passenger seat launches Neal forward so his nose is pressed up agains the windshield. While Neal is sleeping, Del is driving and lip syncing along to "Mess Around" by Ray Charles. He's mimicking all the instruments in the song like the piano and saxophone. At one point when he's playing the "piano", both his hands are off the steering wheel and he's closing his eyes to emulate Ray Charles. Probably not the best thing to do when you're driving! This causes the car to start to veer off the road a couple times. I don't know how this or the loud music doesn't wake up Neal, but he only stirs a couple of times. Once again Del is smoking in the car, which seems very inconsiderate, but I know they are only doing this for plot purposes because he throws the cigarette out the window, but it flies back into the back window and lands on the back seat.
Del is wearing his heavy blue parka and decides to take it off. I understand it's late November, but he's also wearing a sweater under his coat, so I don't know how he wasn't roasting well before now! If I'm driving a long ways in cold weather, I always take my coat off. I just let my car's heater do its thing. I would rather be cold at first and eventually warm up rather than be uncomfortable and roasting in my winter coat. He starts to take off one sleeve of the coat, but it gets caught in the seatbelt mechanism so now his arm is caught in the sleeve. While he's trying to get free, the car starts careening all over the highway. He's lucky this isn't a busy highway. Somehow Neal doesn't wake during this...he must be a heavy sleeper. Del tries to take his coat off at the other arm but it also gets tangled in some other mechanism and now both his arms are caught up in his coat and he has no hands to drive with so he uses his knees. Guess what? Driving with your knees? Not very effective! At this point I'm wondering he's not waking up Neal to help him out. He's not even calling his name. It would be one thing if he shouted his name and Neal was so out of it he didn't hear him, but it's not like he's even trying to ask for help.
He ends up driving across the road and onto the opposite one. The car spins around and this wakes up Neal who asks, "What's happening?" and Del tells him they almost hit a deer.
Already, them driving in the car is the most memorable of the transportations they take and it's about to get even crazier. I mentioned earlier there are few cars on the road and this is probably a good thing as they are now going the wrong way. Neither of them seem to realize this, not even when a couple in a car going parallel with them across the median screams at them, "You're going the wrong way!" Del just honks back, thinking the guy wants to race, but he's making motions at Del to turn around. You would think Del or Neal would wonder why the car on the opposite side of the road was going in the same direction as them. When Neal tells Del the guy is telling them they're going the wrong way, Del asks, "How would he know where we're going?" He assumes the guy is drunk (which is probably what the guy is thinking about them!) and mimes drinking from a bottle. I just don't understand how neither of them could figure this out! The guy tries to clear is up by shouting, "You're going in the wrong direction!" Finally, Neal seems to figure it out, but now two semis have appeared, side by side. There's no time to do anything and they end up driving between the trucks with the outer parts of the car being scraped off. I'm sorry, but there's no way that a car could fit (even snugly) between two semi trucks. That car would have been totaled.
After the trucks have passed by them, Del slams on the brake and their luggage goes flying over the car onto the street. The trunk had been propped open to fit Del's large piece of luggage which is how everything went flying out. I'm honestly surprised the trunk (Del's luggage, not the back of the car) didn't pop open when it was catupulted onto the asphalt.
After turning the car around so they're facing the correct way, they both get out and Del inspects the damage and claims "it doesn't look too bad" which I agree with since in real life it would have been much, much worse. They get their luggage off the road and pull it to the side. They sit down on Del's trunk with the car behind them. It isn't long before the unmistakable sound of a fire starting is heard and they both look behind them to see the car is on fire and they just start laughing because that's all they can do.
Remember the scene at the motel when their Diners Club cards were switched by accident? It turns out Del rented the car with Neal's card, but he put it back in Neal's wallet. There was a scene earlier where Neal had put his wallet in the pocket of the side door and asked Del to remind him not to forget about it. Right away I knew he was gong to forget it or something was going to happen. And it did: it caught on fire.
They drive to a motel in the burned car. There's no way that thing would be cool enough to touch, let alone sit in even when all the flames have gone out! A joke will be made about the car being so hot to sit in that Del is sure there are grill marks on his behind. There's a funny moment when Neal is trying to get a room at the motel and gives the manager his credit cards which have all been burnt to a crisp. He ends up getting a room by giving the guy $17 in cash plus his watch. Del has nothing to offer but two dollars and a Cassio watch (it's funny when he tries to model it over his wrist) and ends up outside in the car bundled in his parka. Neal feels bad when he sees him sitting in the cold so he invites him in. Luckily, this room has two separate beds.
Oh, yeah, before Neal invites Del into his room, he tries to call his wife with the room's rotary phone, but the phone is locked so you can't dial the numbers all the way. WTF? Why would they have that locked? I guess it's to serve the tension of the movie for the wife to wonder why her husband has barely been able to keep in touch with her.
Also, before Del is invited inside, he starts speaking aloud to his wife as he's sitting in his car: "Well, Marie, once again, my dear you were right as rain. I am, without a doubt, the biggest pain in the butt that ever came down the pike." Right away I knew his wife was dead. It also explained the framed photo of his wife being carried with him everywhere. That had a very posthumous feel.
In the hotel room, Neal is laying in his bed and Del is sitting in a chair. Both are talking and joking and eating snacks with little bottles of liquor. Neal likes his combination of Doritos and tequila. Before he goes to bed, he tells Del, "as much trouble as I've had on this little journey, I'm sure one day I'm gonna look back and laugh." At least he's able to laugh about it now.
Their car had been backed into a parking space in front of the room they were staying in. When they leave, Del accidentally reverses the car and it backs into the front of their room, just demolishing the wall. That was a laugh out loud moment for me. They hightail it out of there before anyone sees (more likely catches) them. I love that Del uses his arm when he's signaling.
On their (nearly) last leg of the trip, they are stopped by a police officer (played by Michael McKean) for going too fast, but let's be honest, they'd be stopped just for driving that death trap. The officer asks Del if he knows how fast he was going and Del replies, "Our speedometer's melted, and as a result, it's very hard to say with any degree of accuracy exactly how fast we were going." The officer asks, "Do you feel this vehicle is safe for highway travel?" I love Del's genuine reply: "Yes, I do. Yes, I really do."
The officer stars to tick off all the problems: No outside mirror, no functioning gauges (including the speedometer!), but Del informs him the radio still works, somehow. The officer tells them the vehicle is not safe to drive and it will be impounded. It's honestly a miracle it wasn't impounded earlier.
Del has found a semi truck driver to take them the rest of the way to Chicago (maybe not all the way home but at least to the L train station), however they need to sit in the trailer which is refrigerated since it's carrying boxes of cheese. They aren't allowed to sit in the cab with the driver because he doesn't like people sitting next to him. Del tells Neal he's going to be in Chicago "in less than three hours."
Before they part at the train station, Neal tells Del he appreciates him helping him get home. They have a nice, sincere exchange and even hug before Neal gets on the train. He's now only a few miles away from his house and seeing his wife and kids and enjoying a Thanksgiving dinner with his family. He starts thinking about what's waiting for him at home until he starts thinking about all the crazy things that happened to him in the last forty-eight hours and starts smiling and shaking his head, as if he's thinking, What a crazy story I'll have to tell my children and my eventual grandchildren! You know he's pulling this story out at family gatherings for decades to come!
Then the music starts to turn somber as he thinks about the times Del mentioned his wife and when he told Neal he hadn't been home in years and comes to the realization that maybe Del doesn't have anywhere or anyone to go home to for Thanksgiving. He returns back the station where Del is sitting on a bench. He tells Neal he doesn't have a home and that Marie's "been dead for eight years."
I am a little confused as how they got to Neal's house from the train station because if they had taken a cab, it would have stopped right in front of the house and let them out, but we don't see that, plus they wouldn't have any money to take one. Did they walk from the train station to Neal's house in the suburbs? There's no way they would have walked all that way lugging that heavy trunk, plus Neal's own luggage. I feel like we missed an important part of the puzzle on the very last leg of the trip.
The movie ends on a freeze frame of Del's face looking happy and thankful to be celebrating Thanksgiving with a family who has invited him in. Makes you wonder how long Neal let him stay at his house.
