The season with Hilary Swank AND Jessica Alba!

I recently finished season 8 of Beverly Hills, 90210:

Steve - Steve meets Carly, a single mother of a six year old boy, Zach. They do not get off on the right foot, but Steve becomes interested in her and finally woos her and they start dating. Carly is played by none other than two-time Oscar winner Hilary Swank. She was in the opening credits, but after her character moves to Montana (because her dad is sick), she was dropped from the credits. I guess Hilary Swank was fired from90210, but the joke is on them because she went on to win two Oscars! Ironically, Steve got Carly fired from the restaurant she worked at because he was there with a date and his date was being rude to and she was rude back, so Steve got her a job at the Peach Pit. Besides Claire, Carly was one of Steve's more serious relationships, so I rolled my eyes when he suddenly came to the realization that he never loved Carly because he would have followed her to Montana if he had! Nice attempt at a lame save there, show. 

Steve gets Brandon to join him to start their own newspaper, called "The Beverly Beat" (there's actually a strike-thru though "beat"), which I don't know how that happens since it's only the two of them, plus their assistant, but for the show, they seem to make it work. 

There's a stupid episode where Steve meets a woman and it's so obvious she's a lesbian and stupid idiot Steve doesn't get that and asks her and her "partner" to join him and Brandon (he tells her he lives with him so she thinks they're a gay couple) out and there's a whole misunderstanding. Wah, wah, wah! 

I don't exactly remember how it got started, but letters are sent to The Beverly Beat office and they are from a young woman, Jill, writing to a guy she's never met, Ted. Why this woman is writing intimate things to a guy she's never met, let alone seen before, I have no idea. But Steve is getting and reading the letters. He decides to meet Jill and pretend to be Ted and he does this awhile before he confesses he's not really him. He finally tracks down Ted and introduces Jill to him (a good-looking, successful guy) but Jill goes back to Steve saying she wants to be with him and they start dating, but after awhile Steve feels smothered by her and breaks up with her. He dates a separated woman, Sarah, but she ends up back with her husband. But ugh to both women. They make me miss Clare. Can you imagine there was ever a time I actually didn't like Clare? 

This is the season Lindsay Price joins, but she's not a regular cast member yet. I like her character, Janet (Brandon and Steve hire her) and I'm glad I do because I know she and Steve end up together. The gang have their 5th high school reunion (who the fuck has a five year high school reunion? I guess I understand why they did it since they probably knew that they still wouldn't be airing in 2003!) There is a sign at their reunion that says "See you in 2003!" and it's crazy how much the world will change between 1998 and 2003! The class of '93 are sent a paperback book filled with paragraphs about the entire alumni about what they are up to and who they are dating....okay, let me say, if my high school did that, I would really hate that....plus how did they get all that information and who cares what people are doing five years later? I can understand doing that for ten years or later, but 5 years out of high school isn't that much. Anyway, Steve is expected to show up with some ditzy, big-boobed blonde, but he decides to prove them wrong by bringing Janet. He ends up ditching her at the reunion to hook up with a hot blonde girl from his science class in the locker room, but what he doesn't know is that he's being set up because the hot blonde used to be a geek who he made fun of and when he's in the shower, she takes all his clothes. After the reunion, he goes to apologize to Janet who is crying and tells him that it isn't a good idea for them to go out again when he asks. Obviously I already know they end up together so they must have worked it out! 

Brandon - At the end of last season, Brandon and Kelly started dating (their second time) and Kelly moved into Casa Walsh. Their relationship was a bit strained because they always had the same routine every day and things were starting to get boring between them. They wanted to get the spark back by doing spontaneous things, like having sex on the kitchen table. Eww. Even though they seem to get the spark back, Brandon, being the douche bag he is, cheats on Kelly with Emma, this girl with some major bangs who is a writer for their paper. She and Brandon have an affair and she writes about it as a column for the newspaper, pretending it is someone else's story, of course. Kelly mistakenly thinks Steve cheated on Carly with Emma and when she goes to confront Emma about it, Emma tells her she had an affair with Brandon and Kelly breaks up with him and doesn't talk to him for a very long time. But eventually they do reconcile and get back together towards the end of the season. You're an idiot, Kelly Taylor.

Before all that happens, though, Brandon and Kelly run into Erica (Dylan's little sister) who is now 16 and is a streetwalker! They get her help and off the street where she eventually moves to London to stay with Dylan and Brenda. 

At the reunion, Andrea shows up and confesses to Brandon that she's getting a divorce from Jesse and she's dropped out of med school. I always wondered why Andrea went to med school....I always thought journalism was her calling since she was the editor of The Blaze, but I guess since Brandon was going down the road, they didn't want to be too repetitive with her. 

Brandon asks Kelly to marry him and there's a wedding and everyone is there, but at the last minute they decide not to get married. Thank god. They really are boring. 


Kelly - When the gang get back from Hawaii and are at the airport, Kelly gets shot after she and Brandon witness two guys hijacking a car. She is rushed to the hospital and at the end of the episode when she wakes up and sees Brandon, she says, "Who are you?" What a ridiculous TV cliche! Luckily it doesn't take too long before she starts remembering things again and she's back to old Kelly. Glad they didn't waste our time with that. Or maybe it just didn't feel like it since I watched all the episodes back to back instead of having to wait a week in between each one. They do find the guy who shot her...he was killed in a gang related incident and Brandon tells his corpse that "he deserved what he got." 

Kelly starts working at a clinic and starts getting hit on and sexually harassed by the main doctor. Once Kelly records the conversation, he is fired and replaced by Donna's father (who I thought had a stroke...I guess he got better). Like I mentioned before, Kelly breaks up with Brandon and starts dating a med student at the clinic. 

Jessica Alba was in a three-episode arc where she played a pregnant teenager who came to Kelly's clinic for help, then disappeared. Kelly later finds a newborn baby boy outside wrapped in a blanket and knows it belongs to Jessica. She goes to her house and she tells Kelly that her mom didn't know she was pregnant and she doesn't want the baby so he is up for adoption. Kelly tells Brandon that she wants to try to adopt him and Brandon isn't happy about this because Kelly didn't consult him first. (I think by this time he and Kelly are back together. Did I mention they get together? Of course they do). The baby goes to a gay couple and Jessica, who plays a bigot, wants the baby back because she doesn't want her son to end up gay and by law she is right to do so. I guess by then her mom knows she had a baby because when Kelly visits her, her mom is there with Jessica and the baby and is like, "Jessica Alba, you need to take more responsibility for this baby!" (except she used the character's name!) Finally Jessica realizes she can't take care of the baby and the gay couple get him. 

At the reunion, she runs into some girl we've never seen before who tells Kelly that she's married to Ross Webber, a guy who was a senior when Kelly was a freshman and took her behind the bushes and had sex with her, then told everyone about it and Kelly got a reputation for being a slut. Now I remember when Kelly was telling this story to Brenda and the other girls and it sounded like she was raped, but when she told it to Valerie, she made it sound like the time she lost her virginity, so I guess it could be both...but it was just weird that the same story seemed different. 

Kelly's mom meets Val's dad and they hit it off and decide to get married even though they haven't known each other for very long. Since Kelly and Val hate each other and don't want to be stepsisters, they do everything in their power to convince the other's parent not to marry their parent. But in the end, Kelly's dad is consistent with his not being there and blowing everybody off and tells Kelly to tell Valerie's mom that he won't be able to make it. Bill Taylor is such an ass! Once a jerk, always a jerk! 

David - David was set to sign a deal with a band, but backed out when he found out they were white supremacists and their lyrics were filled with racial slurs, including anti-Semitic rants and David is Jewish. He has a lot of financial problems this season and seeks help from a loan shark but gets in over his head and is helped out anonymously by Noah, who he doesn't like because he started dating Donna. As you probably guessed, David and Donna broke up (for like the 10th time) this season. David and Valerie start fake dating and fake having sex to make their exes jealous, but eventually they start dating for real, but end up breaking up at the end of the season. Um, doesn't David remember when he dated Val a couple seasons ago and was furious at her when she wanted David to sleep with her friend who was blackmailing her? I guess not. To make money, David starts doing jingles for local advertisements. 

Valerie - When the gang goes to Hawaii (for a gig Donna got there), Valerie meets Noah Hunter, the newest addition to the cast and probably the most boring character added to the series. Noah is a loner, mysterious, brooding, and all the ladies fall for him. Um, doesn't that sound like Dylan McKay? He's just replacing Dylan! But at least Dylan was cool without having to try hard. Noah even has a dark past: he was drunk and while driving with his girlfriend, she died because of his own stupidity. Valerie starts dating Noah, even though he is poor and lives on a boat, but on the side, she starts seeing a rich man and Noah dumps her. Noah reveals to Brandon that he is a trust fund kid and has millions and Valerie finds this out and is angry that he lied to her. 

Now if you remember a few season back, when Brandon was still in high school and got into some serious trouble because he was gambling? Well, the same bookie comes back and wants to use the After Dark to place bets. At this point, Noah and Valerie run the place (I can never keep track who's in charge of it) and Noah said he didn't want any gambling, but Valerie goes behind his back and gets in some serious trouble and her punishment is having to do community service at the clinic Kelly works at and Kelly greatly enjoys her making do all this dirty work like mopping and cleaning the toilets. 

Noah's older brother visits and puts the "date rape drug" into Val's drink. She drinks it, but Noah is there and his brother gets a call from his wife (lovely guy there) so he doesn't do anything. Noah takes her upstairs and they start kissing (this is when he was dating Donna) and the next day Valerie wakes up and can't remember anything and accuses Noah of rape and they go to court. He is acquitted because of his perfect rap sheet and because Valerie is kind of a whore so nobody believed her when she said she was raped. I'm still not sure what happened..apparently they did have sex, but Noah didn't know she was drugged and she was kissing him back.

When Valerie is called by a doctor to donate bone marrow because she is a match, she says she will go in to talk to the doctor. While she's there, she runs into the man's (grown up) son and daughter who tell her that their dad is a child molester. This upsets Val greatly because she was molested by her own father and even though she's not suppose to know anything about the patient (and I guess this is the reason why), she decides not to give him any of her marrow because she sees he has a granddaughter and doesn't want to help a monster live. Now if I were in Val's shoes, I would do the same...I would not help a child molester live longer! But they do find another match for him, so Val doesn't have to feel guilty that she killed him. 

She and David break up and after they do, Val is in a bad place and has sex with some random guy who she later finds out does drugs and has AIDS so the last episode has Val going to the clinic to see if she has AIDS or not. Cliffhanger! 

There's a great line when Valerie says "Saved by the bell!" when there's an awkward moment between her and Kelly (or maybe it was Donna) and the doorbell rings. Haha, nice little shoutout there to TAT's other big show. There's a word for that when TV shows/movies give little shoutouts to their actor's other works, but I forget what it is. Another example I cam remember is when Pacey commented on The Mighty Ducks in Dawson's Creek.

Donna - At the end of last season, Donna and David had sex and David moved in to the beach house, but Donna wanted them to have separate rooms because she didn't want her mom to know they had started sleeping together. There's one scene where Donna is at the drugstore with Kelly to get birth control pills and while she's waiting in line, Mrs. Martin just so happens to walk in and get in line behind them, telling them she's getting a prescription. The pharmacist comes out and starts explaining to Donna how to use them and Kelly jumps in and tells Mrs. Martin those are her pills and Mrs. Martin makes a comment to Donna, saying, "Thank God those aren't for you!" Then there was another scene where Mrs. Martin is over at the beach house and asks Donna if she have some advil and Donna tells her they're in the bathroom and I thought for sure she was going to open the medicine cabinet and see the birth control pills and start freaking out, but that didn't happen. Opportunity missed, if you asked me. How did Mrs. Martin find out her daughter was having sex? Donna told her. Yawn. She was mad at first, but then seemed fine with it after a few episodes. 

Donna starts getting jobs for fashion designers but most of them end up in disaster and she gets fired. When she has a gig as a personal shopper, she accepts Valerie's help, but Valerie tells the clients that it's her who's doing all the work and they fire Donna and want to continue to work with Valerie. Then another client she worked for has young foreigners making their clothes in a sweat shop (this must have happened around the time of the Kathy Lee Gifford controversy!) and she finds out that Steve's dad owns the building where the sweat shop is. Brandon writes about it in his newspaper and Steve's dad states that he will fix the problem and that's the last we hear of that story.

In one of her many jobs, Donna works on a fashion shoot that revolves around a spoiled child who is only in the modeling world because her mom wants it. This girl was supposed to be 8, but you could tell she was played by a teenager (or maybe older!) It was just really obvious. She may be small and was acting like a petulant child, but no way she was a child. I looked the actress up on IMDb and while it didn't say what year she was born, it did give her height as being only five feet tall.

Her grandmother dies and before she does, she tells Donna that she and David were meant to be. Grandma Martin knows best! 

Noah's brother, awesome guy he is, gives Donna some pain pills after she was in a car accident and her back was hurting her. She was having trouble staying awake at work and giving presentations and working on her drawings. She steals her co-workers sketches and uses them as her own. The co-worker quits, but Donna confesses to her boss that she stole them and she is fired. She goes through a downward spiral and overdoses and is taken to rehab...just like the time Kelly got addicted to cocaine! Except this time Donna didn't have to room with somebody who would later try to emulate and kill her!

Green Light Special

Go

Director: Doug Liman

Cast: Katie Holmes, Sarah Polley, Timothy Olyphant, Scott Wolf, Jay Mohr, Breckin Meyer, Taye Diggs, William Fichtner, Jane Krakowski

Released: April 9, 1999

I first saw this movie when it was released on video and hadn't seen it since, so a good 13 years has elapsed between viewings. This is one of those movies where you get to see three different story lines from three different group of characters and all of them, of course, are all tied together.

The first story involves a group of teens who work as clerks at a grocery store. It's almost Christmas, but Ronna (Sarah Polley) is not in the Christmas spirit because she's about to get evicted and needs money for her rent. A co-worker, Simon, tells her she can have his shift because he wants to go to Vegas with his friends and this way he'll be able to go, so it's a win/win situation for both of them, according to him. She also works with Joey Potter, oops, I mean Claire (Katie Holmes who plays her in a very Joey Potter-esque way) and Mannie and while on break they play this game which I know as the Celebrity Game. It's where one person starts off with a celebrity, say, Katie Holmes, and the next person has to name another celeb who starts with the last letter of the previous one, so the next one would have to start with an S, like Sandra Bullock, then the next one would be Kevin Costner, then the next one would be Richard Gere, and well, you get the idea! My college camp friends and I used to play that game all the time just randomly. It really helps pass the time! They were playing it a little bit differently as they were only using dead celebrities and Mannie gets stuck on Malcolm X!

Two young good-looking amateur actors (Jay Mohr and Scott Wolf) come in looking to score some ecstasy from Simon, but since he's not there, they go to Ronna and ask her if she can get them the drugs. She sees this as an opportunity to make some money and tells them she will have the drugs for them by the end of the night. She, Claire, and Mannie go to Simon's drug dealer, Todd (Timothy Olyphant) and because she has no money, she leaves Claire with this drug dealer they've just met as insurance that she'll be back to pay him the money that she owes him. Understandably, Claire is not happy about this, but Ronna guilt trips her into staying, saying how she's going to be homeless tomorrow on Christmas if she can't pay for her rent and how much she needs this money.

When she gets to the address the young actors gave her, they are there with an older guy (William Fichtner) who seems really interested in the drugs and Ronna, getting a signal from one of the actors that she feels like something is up, denies having any drugs, then asks to use the bathroom where she flushes them down the toilet. She replaces them with aspirin she buys at a drug store and marks on them with a pen. She and Mannie go back to Todd's place where she tells him the deal didn't work out, gives him back the pills, takes Claire, and gets out of there before he can realize he's been ripped off.

They go to a rave where she starts selling other over the counter medicine she bought and pretends they are really hard core drugs and charges hefty prices and pretty soon she is rolling in the dough. They crash a van filled with teens getting high and Ronna introduces herself as Donna and Claire as Kelly. I totally took that to be a Beverly Hills, 90210 shoutout!

It doesn't take long before Todd realizes he's been screwed over and after talking to Simon on the phone, he knows where they are and finds Ronna out in the parking lot. He is about to kill her when she is hit by a car, then tossed into a riverbank. And that's where the first story ends...

The second arc follows Simon on his trip to Las Vegas with his three friends (Breckin Meyer and Taye Diggs being two of them). He crashes a wedding and meets two bridesmaids and has a menage-a trios with them, but because they've been toking up, one of their joints that is still lit, is dropped on the floors and the curtain catches on fire and pretty soon the whole room is on fire. A stoned Simon realizes what's going on and he grabs two pillows and runs, butt-naked to the elevator and grabs Marcus, the friend played by Taye Diggs. Their other two friends are sick with food poisoning from the shrimp they ate at the hotel's buffet.

There's an ongoing gag that everyone thinks Marcus is a valet because of the way he dresses so when they head out of the hotel, a guy with a red convertible tosses him the keys and tells him to park it anywhere. Simon and Marcus steal the car and Simon finds a gun in the glove department. Being guys, they go to a strip club and get into trouble with the owner after Simon touches the girl who's giving him a private lap dance even though they've both been told specifically not to touch the girls. The owner gets into a fight with them and Simon, who has the gun with him, shoots the owner in the arm. I can't remember why, but Simon had Todd's credit card which he used at the club so the owner thinks Todd is the one who shot him. He and Marcus grab their other friends and they make their escape. Simon says they shouldn't stop until they reach Mexico, but Marcus tells him as long as they go home they'll be okay.

And then we have our third and final story which revolves around the two young actors, Adam and Zach who are a gay couple. They are working undercover for Fichtner's cop and that's why they need the pills. They know Simon has been selling them and want to bust him, but their plan is askew when he's not there. Zach feels it's not right to get Ronna in trouble even though Ficthner tells him she's still a drug dealer even if this is her first time, so he gives her a sign that she should dump the pills.

They both confess that they've cheated on the other and they find out they both cheated with the same guy. They are the ones at the rave who did a hit and run on Ronna. They see Todd there with his gun and get out of there and discuss what just happened at a gas station. One of them reason that even if the girl was still alive, the guy with the gun was going to kill her anyway, so either way she would be dead. Adam realizes they are still wearing their wires and freaks out that somebody will hear their conversation. They decide to go back to the scene to see if the girl is still alive. Lucky for them she is!

So yeah, this movie is action-packed, has some good laughs, and can get quite dark at times. I feel like I pretty much told the entire plot, but there's a lot of stuff I left out too! A before-she-was-famous Melissa McCarthy has a small cameo as someone who is a big fan of the soap opera Zack and Adam star in. And any movie that plays "Steal My Sunshine" (remember that 1999 one hit wonder classic?) is okay in my book! 

Don't fly Oceanic!

Executive Deciscion
Director: Stuart Baird
Cast: Kurt Russell, Halle Berry, John Leguizamo, Oliver Platt, Joe Morton, BD Wong, Steven Seagal
Released: March 15, 1996

As far as airplane hijack movies go, Executive Decision is not as good as Air Force One, but it is heaps better than Passenger 57 (which is a sorry excuse for an airplane hijack movie since it takes place on the ground for most of the movie!)

David Grant (Kurt Russell) is the world's leading expert on the world's most wanted terrorist. No, not Osama Bin Laden, but some other guy, Jaffa. He is captured and taken into custody, but he still has men out there working for him and these men, led by a man named Hassan, hijack a plane flying from Athens to D.C. and they have canisters of a poisonous gas. A single drop can kill a few men and the amount they have on the plane can wipe out the entire eastern seaboard.

The hijacked flight is Oceanic Flight 343....yes, Oceanic Airlines, as in the same airline on Lost. First this airline has a plane that's hijacked, then it has a plane that crashed into a mysterious island...yeah, I won't be flying that (fake) airline anytime in my lifetime! This is the third time I've seen this movie and the first time I realized the Oceanic airline connection, so obviously Lost wasn't around when I saw this the first two times....I know for a fact it wasn't around the first time since I saw it when it was released on video in late 1996. The second time I saw it was in December 2004, when the first season of Lost was on, but I binged watched the first season on DVD.

Obviously it had been quite a while since I saw this movie, so I had forgotten a few things (though I didn't forget that Steven Seagal is killed within the first half hour!) I remembered that Halle Berry plays a flight attendant on the hijacked plane, but I completely forgot what Kurt Russell's role was and thought he was the pilot of the hijacked plane. I probably should have realized he wasn't when he was taking flying lessons in a small plane. Duh. I don't think pilots who fly commercial airliners should still be taking lessons in small two-seater planes!

David Grant and Seagal's Lieutenant character are not on the plane when it it hijacked. They are safely on the ground in Washington D.C. Grant is at a fancy black-tie party when he is called in for consultation. They learn that Hassan has hijacked the plane because he wants Jaffa to be released. Grant thinks the terrorist has other intentions: as in using the airplane to explode the bomb that they somehow got onto the plane. This was 1996....back when people just didn't care what you brought on a plane!

Seagal's short-lived character comes up with the most ludicrous plan ever and knows a guy, Dennis (Oliver Platt), who can help them out with it. Together with Grant, Dennis, and his team (who would be completely at home on Survivor: Cook Islands as you have the black guy (Morton), the Hispanic guy (Leguizamo), the Asian guy (Wong), and the white guy (some actor I don't know). If you are a Survivor fan like me, you will understand the reference!)

They are all in a small fighter jet and the plan is for them to fly to Oceanic Flight 343, line up with the airliner's cargo holder or something....I don't know. I don't know anything about planes, but you've all seen the movie and you know what I'm talking about. Basically they're doing a mid-air transfer and they are able to do this by putting their jet on auto pilot so it will fly in synch with the airliner and Dennis lines up the planes together and makes sure the air pressure is okay so they can crawl up this tube that he attaches  between both planes. The whole thing is completely ridiculous! I don't know which is more ridiculous - this or when Denzel flew the 747 upside down in Flight. 

Grant was suppose to stay on the jet...the only reason he went with them was because...I really don't know why, to be honest. But Morton's character, Cappy, ends up getting hurt and Grant helps him and ends up on the plane. By that time, the Seagal character and the jet pilot are the only ones left on the jet and they are loosing air pressure and Dennis tells Grant to shut the door or both planes with explode and everyone will die and Grant, who never liked Seagal's character, has the decency to look mournful about what he's about to do and after he shuts the door, the jet explodes and Seagal is never to be seen again...thank goodness as he is not a good actor and we don't need him ruining this movie!

So Hassan is with the pilots and they notice a light go off indicating the hatch (hey, another Lost reference!) and they ask what that is and make one of the pilots go down and see what's going on. He sees Grant who signals to him to keep quiet and points out they are Americans there to help him and give him a burnt flashdrive to use as an excuse as to why that light went out. He relays this message to the hijacker who pokes his head in and looks around at the darkness but doesn't actually go down to investigate to see if anything is up. What a lazy terrorist! He just chooses to believe the pilot is telling him the truth. And if he didn't want to go down there, he had plenty of other terrorist friends around him. Why didn't he have one of them go down there and check to see what was going on?  So stupid. I can't believe I'm complaining how stupid the terrorists are!

Grant and his crew drill holes and set up camera along the plane to see if they can spy Hassan. Grant says he doesn't know what he looks like, but could recognize his voice anywhere. While hiding in an elevator, Grant sees that flight attendant Jean (Halle Berry) has noticed him and she blocks him when Hassan comes over to her so that he can't see Grant. This signals to Grant that he can trust her and later they call her on the airline phone, tell her they are watching her through a camera and ask for her help...there is a passenger on the plane that is working with the terrorists and has the device that will detonate the bomb. Jean agrees to do this even after Hassan catches her talking on the phone and slaps and threatens her.

Speaking of the bomb...Cappy, our injured guy who is laying flat on his back with a neck brace, is the only guy who knows how to dismantle a bomb, but unfortunately there is no way he can do that, so he has to walk Dennis through on what to do.

I should also mention that they had no way of contacting the White House and when the jet lost contact, they assumed that everyone probably thought they were dead. The White House gives order to have the plane shot down, but one of the guys uses morse code on the plane tail lights to signal to one of the jets that they are on the plane and the attack is aborted. Obviously there is a showdown between Grant and Hassan and one of the hijackers shoots the plane and a big piece is ripped away and there is a gaping hole in the plane. Both pilots, Hassan and the hijackers are dead, but Grant, Jean, the rest of our heroes, and passengers who were fortunate not to be sitting in the area where the guy was shooting are still on the plane and they need to land safely, somehow. Grant, if you remember, has been taking flying lessons, and takes control of the plane and Jean helps him out, reading from the pilot's handbook. He misses the runway at the airport, so instead he has to land at the place where he flies the small planes. The landing is a bit (okay, a lot) bumpy and the plane is on fire, but they manage to land without anymore fatalities. And while all this is going on, Dennis and Cappy have to make sure the bomb doesn't detonate!

A fun movie, but not one you would want to see on board a plane!

Vacation from Hell

Brokedown Palace

Director: Jonathan Kaplan

Cast: Claire Danes, Kate Beckinsale, Bill Pullman

Released in theaters: August 13, 1999

Imagine that you have gone to Thailand with your best friend for a vacation of a lifetime! Sounds fantastic, doesn't it? Now imagine that you and your friend have decided to take a daytrip to Hong Kong.  While waiting to get on the airplane, the Thai police come charging at the two of you with guns aimed at you and snatch your luggage and while searching through it they find heroin. A LOT of it. You and your friend are immediately taken into custody and thrown into a jail that's more like an internment camp.

What I just described is what happens in Brokedown Palace where Claire Danes and Kate Beckinsale play best friends Alice and Darlene who have just graduated high school. Both girls have been friends since a really young age even though Darlene is the "good", studious one and Alice is the "bad", rebellious one. Darlene is going to college in the fall and Alice, knowing they won't be seeing much of each other anymore once Darlene starts school, wants them to have one last great, memorable summer, and after talking to some of their friends, they get the idea to take a trip to Bangkok. Darlene is worried that her strict parents won't let her travel that far and Alice tells her to tell them she is going to Hawaii, which she does.

While the girls are in Bangkok, they sneak into a swanky hotel and sit out by the pool where they order drinks and Alice charges them to a random suite number. The waiter is suspicion of them and tells them that the number they gave them belongs to an older gentleman and is calling for security to escort them out. This scenario will come back and haunt them later. They are rescued by a dashing Australian lad named Nick who tells the waiter they are with him and shows him a room key he stole from the bathroom. Nick puts his charm on both girls and convinces them to come to Hong Kong for a day. I looked at a map and Bangkok and Hong Kong are a lot further apart than what I thought. It would be like taking a vacation to San Francisco and flying to Seattle for a day. Nick tells them he will fly out the day before and they can meet him the next day. There is a reason he does this!

While the girls are waiting in line at the airport, they are unknowingly tipped off by security and soon they are surrounded by the police with guns pointed at them and they find 13 pounds of heroin! (Damn!) Alice was carrying the bag, but Darlene had packed it and both girls are wondering what is going on. They are taken into custody by the Thai police and interrogated separately. Alice refuses to sign a statement because it is in Thai and she can't read it, but Darlene gives her statement and signs it, even though it is in Thai and when she reveals this to Alice, Alice gets angry with her and asks her why would she sign something that's in a language she can't read? The document she signed was actually her confession to the crime and both girls are thrown into a women's prison which isn't lacking on inmates. They are sentenced for 33 years - so they'll get out when they're 51.

The prison is filthy and the food is disgusting, but of course you're not excepting them to stay at the Four Seasons. Instead of having to wear those gaudy orange jumpsuits, their uniform is a purple smock, which is much better than wearing orange! Hey, you have to look on the bright side when you're in prison, right? Their hair is chopped off as soon as they get there. They get in good with an Australian and a Jamaican who show them the ropes and tell them the dos and don'ts of prison life.

Bill Pullman plays lawyer "Yankee Hank" who lives in Thailand and gets involved in their case for a fee. He does some investigating and finds out Nick, who's a drug smuggler, set them up. The girls try to escape, but get caught.

When visitors come, they have to stand on a bridge across from the prisoners and yell across at them to communicate with a bunch of other people around them yelling. Darlene's dad comes to visit them and talks to the girls separately. When he talks to Alice, he pretty much accuses her of committing the crime because she would always lie about things she didn't do in the past. It's not very clear how long the girls have been in prison, but they have been there at least all summer because their former classmates come to visit and Darlene asks them about college.

When it's looking grim for the girls that they will be spending the next 33 years in prison, Alice begs for them to let Darlene go and that she will serve her and Darlene's term because she was the one who did it and Darlene is completely innocent. The movie ends with Darlene being released and Alice still having hope that Hank will get her out.

I think it would have been a great reveal if Alice really had been the one who had the drugs all along and was trying to find a way to make her and Darlene stay together for a long time, but no, both girls were innocent and you knew that along. Oh, well.

I saw this movie when it came out on video and I really loved the music, so I bought the soundtrack. My favorite songs are "Silence" and "Deliver Me" by Sarah Brightman, "Damaged" by Plumb,  and "Rock the Casbah" by Solar Twins. (Is it bad that I heard that version before I even knew it was a Clash song?) There's even a Nelly Furtado song on it and this was before I even knew who Nelly Furtado was. It's called "Party's Just Begun", a song I don't like, but it fit with the atmosphere of the movie.

Oh, and I would be remiss not to mention the huge controversy over the filming of this movie that got Claire Dane into some hot water. They filmed this movie in Manila and let's just say she was not impressed with the city and said some not-so-nice things about it and the people. Now she was only like 18 or 19 when she made this movie and teenage girls can say some pretty stupid things without thinking first. I'm not excusing her actions because she should have known better since she had been acting for quite awhile and should have known not to say things like that in a public forum. I remember this when it first came out, but I thought she had badmouthed Bangkok, probably because the movie was set there. She did apologize for what she said and I'm sure she's learned her lesson, but the Filipino government did ban all her movies, which I don't really think you're really missing out on anything if you can't see a Claire Danes movie (sorry Claire Danes fans!) But I wonder if they banned her TV shows? Homeland is a pretty good show...at least the first season was good. 

'Ghost' Story

Ghost
Director: Jerry Zucker
Cast: Patrick Swayze, Demi Moore, Whoopi Goldberg, Tony Goldwyn, Vincent Schiavelli
Released: July 13, 1990

Oscar nominations:
Best Picture (lost to Dances with Wolves)
Best Supporting Actress - Whoopi Goldberg (won)
Best Original Screenplay - Bruce Joel Rubin (won)
Best Editing (lost to Dances with Wolves)
Best Score - Maurice Jarre (lost to John Barry for Dances with Wolves)

I should preface this review by saying that I really love this movie and it's a favorite of mine. I first saw it when I was ten, but I didn't finish it because I got bored (oh, okay, I'll admit it, I got too scared...shut up! I was ten!) Actually, the opening titles start the film off as though it is a horror movie with the creepy single-note piano music and the sudden flash of the title on the screen. But this is no horror movie. It's a supernatural romantic thriller (if that's a genre!) It wasn't until just a few years ago that I actually saw the movie in full and that's when it became a favorite of mine.

We start off by meeting Sam Wheat (Patrick Swayze) and Molly Jensen (Demi Moore), a couple who are madly in love and are moving into a ridiculously huge Manhattan loft. Sam must be making some serious money as a banker because I hardly doubt Molly, an artist, is bringing in any money. The best artists don't make any big bucks until after they've died. Maybe they would have been better off if Molly had been the one who died....wait, I'm getting ahead of myself!

One evening, after attending a play, Sam and Molly are walking through a dark alley (don't ask me why) and realize they are being followed by a creepy guy. Sam tells him they'll give him all their money if he just leaves them alone, but he gets into an altercation with him and ends up getting shot and dies. But he has not completely left this world as his spirit has decided to stick around in this world because he has unfinished business, namely the guy who killed him has his wallet and comes to Molly's apartment while she's in the shower. Of course, since the place is so freaking huge, she doesn't even realize there's somebody in her apartment.

Sam has no way of warning Molly of the trouble she is in, so he does what any ghost would do in his situation: he goes to a spirt communicator, Oda Mae Brown (Whoopi Goldberg) who is clearly conning her clients out of money, but she can hear Sam and is surprised herself. She can't see him and thinks someone is playing a joke on her at first. She reveals to Sam that her grandmother and mother had "the gift" but she had never had any communication with dead people until now. Sam asks her to tell Molly that she is in danger, but she refuses, saying she will look like a loon and Sam drives her crazy (singing to her at night) until she finally agrees to see Molly.

Like any sane person, Molly is skeptical of Oda when she is told her dead lover wants to send her a message that she is trouble, but when Oda tells Molly only things Molly would know, she agrees to talk to Oda. She is still skeptical of Oda, but once Oda tells her that Sam said "ditto" after Molly said she loved Sam, she believes Oda has to be real because Sam saying "ditto" after Molly told him she loved him was their little thing. I love it when Sam tells Oda, "Tell her she's in danger!" and Oda says,  "Molly, you in danger, girl!"

Sam soon discovers that his murder was no accident! And that his supposed best friend and co-worker, Carl, was the one who had him killed off because he wanted the codes Sam had on his computer to steal millions of dollars. Sam finds this out when he follows his murderer to his apartment and soon after Carl shows up and it is revealed they were in on Sam's murder together! And not only that, but Carl has his eye on Molly and is trying to get with her! First he took Sam's life and now is he trying to take Sam's girl! Oh no, he did not! There is one scene where he's over at Molly's place because she invites him in to have coffee and talk and when Molly isn't looking, he spills coffee all over the front of his shirt so he can take it off and impress Molly with his abs. That must have been some lukewarm coffee because he didn't even wince in pain!

Because Sam is a ghost, he has come in contact with other ghosts (only a couple though, not that many ghosts still loitering around in NYC...) and one of these ghosts (played by Vincent Schiavelli) spends most of his time on a subway which he is very possessive of. ("GET OFF OF MY TRAIN!") He can move objects and shatter glass windows, so a determined Sam seeks him out to ask him for his advice and the Schivelli ghosts shows him he has to use his mind to move objects. It is a bit surreal seeing Patrick Swayze and Vincent Schiavelli, both actors who have passed on to the great beyond, playing ghosts. I did find it amusing that even though nobody can see or hear (with the exception of Oda Mae) Sam, his shoes still make sounds when he's walking...guess they forgot to take that out in post! There is a great scene where Sam goes to the office to scare Carl who is there after hours and he moves chairs and types "MURDERER" on the screen. Carl is totally freaked out and it's just the greatest scene. Sometimes I wish I were a ghost so I could haunt certain people and mess with their heads, but then that means I would have to die, and, eh, while it might be fun at first, I might miss the living part.

So the most iconic scene in this movie is the pottery/love making scene that is set to "Unchained Melody." This scene has been parodied on so many shows and other movies. On a recent episode of Glee a couple were singing it while they were, yep, you guessed it, working a pottery wheel. I don't think they were doing it as a parody, though, which is the sad thing. I wonder if pottery lessons skyrocketed after this movie was released? Haha. I once tried doing pottery and it's not that easy. Ghost was not my inspiration because I did it before I even saw the movie (though, of course, I knew that was a popular scene in the movie because unless you live under a rock, everybody knows that scene). Because this scene is set to the entire length of "Unchained Melody", which is a little over three and a half minutes, and because watching two people play with a pottery wheel for that long would be boring, they move on to the most awkward "sex" scene that has to be ever filmed. They never had sex, but they were just standing and caressing each other in certain areas and showing close ups of Sam's abs and Molly's lips...yeah, it was weird and awkward and laughable. It went from being a pretty sensual scene when they were at the pottery wheel to a totally odd about-to-have-sex scene.

This movie also has a pretty gruesome death when Carl, who has come to Molly's apartment to murder her and Oda Mae because they know what he has done and because Oda Mae has taken the stolen millions of dollars out of his account and given it to a church, becomes pinned under a window and a sharp blade of glass falls into his chest. Ouch. He is soon taken to hell by some hell devils that were created with really cheap and awful effects. I will forgive, though, since this did come out in 1990. But they were pretty bad. But despite that bad effects and awkward sex scene and noisy shoes on a ghost, I totally love this movie and I highly recommend it because it's a classic and a must see!

Secret's in the Sauce

Fried Green Tomatoes

Director: Jon Avnet

Cast: Jessica Tandy, Kathy Bates, Mary Stuart Masterson, Mary-Louise Parker, Chris O'Donnell, Cicely Tyson

Released: December 27, 1991

Oscar nominations:

Best Supporting Actress - Jessica Tandy (lost to Mercedes Ruehl for The Fisher King)

Best Original Screenplay - Fannie Flagg and Carol Sobieski (lost to Ted Tally for Silence of the Lambs)

This film alternates between two storylines: present day with Evelyn (Kathy Bates in a more mundane role for her..this was one year after she was in Misery, a far cry from this character!) and Ninny (Jessica Tandy) and the early 1900s with Idgie Threadgoode (Mary Stuart Masterson) and Ruth Jamison (Mary-Louise Parker). Evelyn is a housewife, a desperate one, who is trying to save her marriage because all her husband wants to do is sit in front of the TV and eat his dinner while watching sports. Evelyn, fearing her husband does not find her attractive anymore, joins a group for women on how to seduce their husbands and put the spark back in the marriage. There is one session where they are suppose to take mirrors and pull down their pants (or hike up their skirts/dresses) and inspect their vaginas. And in front of each other! What kind of freaky group is this? 

While at a nursing home with her husband to visit his mother, Evelyn meets Ninny Threadgoode who starts chatting Evelyn up and soon, over the course of a few more visits, tells her the story about Idgie and Ruth, two friends who grew up together in Alabama. Ruth is older than Idgie and was Idgie's older brother's (Chris O'Donnell) amour until he was killed by a train when his foot got stuck in the tracks while trying to fetch Ruth's hat. Both a teenaged Ruth and kid Idgie are witness to this gruesome death and all I could think while the train is barreling down the tracks and Ruth and Idgie are looking on with horrified expressions, is why doesn't Ruth shield Idgie's eyes or turn her away from seeing her beloved older brother being killed right in front of her eyes? Well, at least he got her hat!

Idgie is a tomboy who gets into fights while Ruth is more of a proper young lady (no selling weed for her!), but despite their differences they grow to become close friends. There is a time when the two friends are separated after Ruth moves to Georgia and marries a man named Frank Bennett who abuses her, including throwing her down the stairs while she's pregnant. While visiting her, Idgie sees Ruth has a black eye and takes away a pregnant Ruth. Even after that nasty fall, the baby is okay and grows up to be a young boy who will eventually lose his arm while playing near the train tracks. I would say like father, like son, except his dad wasn't Idgie's brother. (Although he was named Buddy, after her brother.) They don't show what exactly happens to him to make him lose his arm. One moment he's playing near the train tracks, the next everyone is running towards the tracks with concerned looks on their faces. They do a fake out where you think Buddy Jr. died because they show a bunch of people in black mourning around a gravestone, but then the camera pulls out and you see the grave is for the kid's arm. I really don't know what Buddy Jr. was doing around the train tracks to lose his arm. Was he laying down on the tracks and the train pinned him? It was just...odd. 

After Ruth's son is born, Frank shows up and threatens to take him, but Idgie tells him to never show his face again or he will regret it. She and Ruth have opened the Whistle Stop Cafe where they are best known for their fried green tomatoes (and they also become well known for their ribs!). Frank does return to try to kidnap his infant son while Ruth and Idgie are at a pageant and Buddy Jr. is being watched over by one of their cooks, Sipsey (Cicely Tyson). Frank is hit by a shovel and you don't see who does it, but when the sheriff comes to town to investigate the disappearance of Frank, Ruth thinks Idgie has something to do with it as she tells Ruth she will never have to worry about Frank bothering them again and she has made death threats to Frank many times in the past. Even though we later find out Idgie didn't indirectly kill Frank, she did have a part in his disappearance. And so did the sheriff who was investigating Frank's whereabouts because he was the one who loved the ribs - which were Frank's ribs he was eating after they cut him up and barbecued him! - so much. A bit sadistic, but kind of awesome at the same time. They are put on trial for the murder of Frank Bennett, but since there is no proof that neither one of them killed him (since they really didn't), their charges are dropped.

Each day Evelyn spends with Ninny, listening to her stories, she begins to gain more confidence and starts caring about her appearance and the way she dresses. She changes her hair style and starts wearing make-up and stops wearing her sweats. In one of my favorite "present day" scenes, she's about to park at the grocery store in a "rock star parking space" as my mom would call it, but just as she's about to turn in after the car that was in it prior pulls out, a little red convertible with two young blondes zips in and takes it. When she confronts them about it, they say, "Face it lady, we're younger and faster!" Evelyn takes matters into her own hands and rams their car several times until they come running out and she drives past them and says, "Face it girls, I'm older and have more insurance!" 

Like any film that focuses on female friendships (see also Beaches and Steel Magnolias), one of the main characters (Ruth) dies at the end of the movie of cancer. While Ninny is telling this story to Evelyn, she tells it like she is a third party, saying she was Idgie's sister-in-law, but it was pretty obvious she was Idgie as she knew an awful lot about Idgie's and Ruth's life. Idgie and Buddy have an older brother who is getting married at the beginning of the story Ninny tells Evelyn, but the brother and his wife are never mentioned again after that. Also, when Ninny and Evelyn are walking through the cemetery where Ruth is buried, Evelyn discovers there is a jar of honey from "The Bee Charmer" (Idgie's nickname) and that's when she realizes that Ninny is actually Idgie...which I realized from the start!

I had seen this movie two or three times prior, but this was the first time when I really noticed the lesbian undertones. Now the only physical contact between Idgie and Ruth is them hugging and the least amount of clothes they wear around each other are shorts and tank tops, but this time I was watching the movie with a bit of a different eye and you could tell there was something more to their friendship. After doing some research, I discovered that the book the movie is based on, Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe by Fannie Flagg, lesbianism is a big theme although Ruth's and Idgie's relationship is never specifically labeled as such. In the movie, Ruth was being courted by Buddy, but in the novel, she comes to live with Idgie's family while she teaches at a Bible School. It is unclear to me whether Ninny is actually Idgie in the book or if they changed that for the movie. From the description I read about the book, the backstory Ninny gives Evelyn of how she came to know the Threadgoodes is more fleshed out than it is the movie so it is possible she could have been a third party witnessing the relationship between Idgie and Ruth, but being that I have never read the book, I cannot really comment on that. 

Most Underrated Animated Disney Film?

The Black Cauldron

Director: Ted Berman and Richard Rich

Voice Talent: John Hurt, Nigel Hawthorne, Grant Bardlsey, Susan Sheridan, Freddie Jones

Released: July 24, 1985

I have a bit of an interesting history with this movie, but before I get into that, a little background on it: it is one of the most underrated, if not THE most underrated animated Disney film ever. If you have never heard of this film (which honestly wouldn't surprise me) you are either too young...or you just have never heard of it due to its lack of exposure and success. It came out four years before The Little Mermaid when the animated movies at Disney started to find their groove after a long lackluster period of time. The Black Cauldron is NOT a musical, something that is common with Disney's animated films and it was the first animated Disney movie to receive a PG rating (not sure if any has received a PG rating since...) You're probably thinking, 'Big deal, PG is nothing. Tons of kids' movies are rated PG.' But it was kind of a big deal because Disney is known for its cutesy and innocent storylines. This movie is really dark, especially for a childrens' film and maybe that's one of the reasons it only made $21 million at the box office when it cost more to make. It is considered one of Disney's worst box-office failures. It wasn't even released on home video until 13 years after its theatrical release. Thirteen years! While it didn't do well with the movie-going public, it did get mixed reviews from the critics, so while it wasn't praised like a Pixar movie (but really, which movie is?), it wasn't completely panned either.

The Black Cauldron is based on the first two books from a series called "The Chronicles of Prydain" written in 1965 by a Mr. Lloyd Alexander. I know, what? Who? Maybe that's another reason the movie wasn't a success. I suppose if it had been a success, they would have made the other three books into movies, but don't worry about not getting a satisfying conclusion as the movie does have an ending.

Run, Hen Wen, run! 

Taran is our main character. He is a nice fellow and wants nothing more than to be brave and a great swordsman, but Taran is a little on the bland side and has no charisma and is not even remotely interesting. I'm really not sure how old he is suppose to be, but I'm guessing anywhere between twelve and sixteen. He lives with an older gentleman named Dallben who is some sort of sorcerer. Dallben owns a psychic pig named Hen Wen and Taran's job is to take care of Hen Wen, even though Dallben prepares her food. Why this old man can't take care of a pig, don't ask me. Though he does have a cat, too. Hen Wen has the ability to locate the whereabouts of the Black Cauldron which has the power to unleash a great deal of evil upon everyone as it can bring life back to dead slaves and warriors who will then become part of the Horned King's army. He is the Big Bad of this movie and he is one scary dude. He will stop at nothing to obtain the Black Cauldron.

This would scary anyone, any age!

So here is my history with this movie: I don't remember seeing this movie when I was younger, but I must have because I remember being absolutely terrified by it. And I must have seen it in the theaters (I would have been four) because it wasn't released on home video until 1998! Although it's possible it was on video to rent so maybe that's how I saw it. Something I do remember growing up is that I had the storybook with the audio cassette where you would put the tape in your cassette player (God, I feel old!) and you read/listened along to the the voice reading the story to you. There was one page that totally freaked me out because it was a full page of the Horned King's Undead Army....just picture a bunch of skeletons in tattered robes and if you were five/six years old, that would scare you too! This movie really did a number on me and has traumatized me for life! Forget the movie, the freaking storybook and cassette scarred me! It wasn't until the year 2000 when I discovered E-bay and how easy it was to use and how much fun it was to find and buy stuff, which for me, was mostly CDs and DVDs. It wasn't as though I just remembered The Black Cauldron existed and wanted to see it again. No, this underrated, under appreciated Disney movie had always been in the back of my mind after all those years (cuz you never forget something that fills your with fear!) and E-bay was the first place where I could find myself a copy of the DVD and that is how I obtained mine.

Gollum redux?

It had been well over a decade since I had last seen it as a child and this time I was watching it as a college student. Even watching it at that age, the movie still had this really creepy element to it that was quite disturbing that it could still have that effect on me. There's even something unsettling about the style of the animation. Being that it was made in the early '80s, it has this archaic feel to it that I'm not sure may or may not have been intentional. There's a furry little creature named Gurgi who Taran befriends after Hen Wen is captured and brought to the Horned King's castle and Taran must rescue her. There's a lot of elements of this movie that is very reminiscent of The Lord of the Rings. Taran = Frodo. The Horned King = What'shisface. The black cauldron = the ring (powerful object that can destroy the world). And Gurgi = Gollum. You can tell that The Lord of the Rings was a big influence for this story. Gurgi even sounds like a mix between Gollum and Donald Duck even though Gollum from the movies didn't even exist back then. Like Gollum, Gurgi also loves to eat and is always searching for "munchies and crunchies." The only difference between Gurgi and Gollum (their names even start with the same letter!) - and it's a big one - is that while Gollum was completely selfish and could never be redeemed (I always started out feeling sorry for him, then hated him by the end of the trilogy and thought he got what he deserved), Gurgi starts off very selfish, but ends the movie by sacrificing himself to save his friends. First let me back off and explain how we get there...

Taran manages to make it to the Horned King's castle even though it's a long distance between the castle and where he lives with cragged rocks and cliffs and a moat between the two places. They never really show how he got there. One second he's looking at the far away castle, the next he's just snuck into it! Poor Hen Wen. That pig goes through so much emotional drama in this movie. First she is chased like prey and captured by dragons who bring her to the Horned King. Then when she refuses to use her powers to show him where the cauldron is (which is looking into a vat filled with some kind of potion), he threatens to chop her head off with an axe and comes within seconds of doing so until Taran screams for him to stop and makes Hen Wen use her psychic ability. She manages to escape, but Taran is captured and put into a cell where he meets Princess Eilonwy (pronounced I-lon-wee) who is quite chipper and well-groomed for someone who has been a prisoner for who knows how long. While attempting (and managing) to escape they come across another prisoner, an older gentleman named Fflewddur Fflam who provides the comic relief when Gurgi is not around.

Warning: This segment contains a major spoiler!
After visiting some annoying underground pixies and three witches (one of which is quite smitten with Fflewddur), Taran trades the magical sword he found at the castle for the Black Cauldron with the head witch who knows where it is (it is in her collection of other black cauldrons). It is only AFTER Taran trades the sword that he is told the cauldron is indestructible and the only way you can stop its demonic powers is for someone to step inside it and sacrifice their life. Gee, thanks, you bitches, I mean, witches! The Horned King finds out they have the cauldron and captures the three humans while Gurgi escapes and hides. Using the cauldron's powers, the Horned King creates his undead army and thousands upon thousands of skeleton warriors rise from the cauldron. Gurgi realizes what a horrible....creature he is for shunning his back on his friends, so he goes back to the castle and frees them. He then sacrifices himself by jumping into the cauldron. That causes the undead army to shatter and for the Horned King to be killed. Back when I saw this for the first time after a long hiatus, I was bawling when Taran holds Gurgi's lifeless body. I had totally forgotten that after a few minutes of appearing to be "dead", Gurgi opens his eyes and is acting like his old self again. Guess what? He's alive! Now that I know that, this scene does nothing to affect me since I know he ends up alive and well. I wonder if they had intended to kill him off all along, but because this was a Disney film, they wanted to go the happy ending route where everyone lives happily ever after and all the evil from the world is gone for good. Since I've never read the books this movie is based on (much less never heard of until recently!) I have no idea what happens to his character in those. The ending would have had a lot more impact if Gurgi had died...and stayed dead.

The Black Cauldron is far from being a perfect movie and has many flaws and despite being a fairly short movie, there are scenes that feel too dragged out (annoying underwater fairy children, anyone?), but it is quite different from any Disney movie you've ever seen (the absence of songs for one) and should be considered for giving a watch. I wouldn't recommend it for young children, though!

Holiday Road

National Lampoon's Vacation

Director: Harold Ramis

Cast: Chevy Chase, Beverly D'Angelo, Randy Quiad, Anthony Michael Hall, Dana Barron, Christie Brinkley

Released: July 29, 1983

This was a favorite of my family's as we had it on VHS (and it was from a recording on TV with a blank tape!) and we watched it so many times that many parts of the movie were scratched and, also, since it had been recorded from TV, there would be parts that wouldn't be recorded, because who ever recorded it (my dad?) always stopped the tape when the commercials came on and sometimes didn't start recording in enough time when the movie came back on because usually there was a 3 second delay. What the hell were we thinking taping movies off of TV? That was the stupidest way to watch a movie. However, back in those days, we didn't have DVDs so I didn't know what I was missing and was still able to enjoy the movie and always got a kick out of it even when I was watching it for the 20th time! 

This movie is the first of a series involving the Griswolds - Clark (played by Chevy Chase); his wife, Ellen (Beverly D'Angelo); and their two kids, Rusty and Audrey who are always played by different actors in each movie, but in this one they are played by a pre-Breakfast Club Anthony Michael Hall and Dana Barron who, aside from this movie, is probably best known for playing Nikki, just one of Brandon's many girlfriends on Beverly Hills, 90210. She was in season 3 and had the abusive ex-boyfriend played by David Arquette. 

The family lives in Chicago (as many movies that were written by John Hughes take place!) and have a trip planned to Los Angeles to visit Wally World, a large theme park with the longest theme song ever. Seriously, it really is. They were singing it in the car and it wasn't something simple and catchy like "M-I-C-K-E-Y....", but instead it just goes on and on. Everyone wants to fly out there, but Clark thinks it would be more fun to drive because "half the fun is getting there!" He has the route mapped out on the "computer" (and I put that word in quotations because I have a hard time calling something as outdated as they showed a computer!) 

Their station wagon is packed with suitcases and there is no room for anyone to lie down or stretch out. I could not imagine being in a car for that long and having to sit in the backseat next to my brother. My family did take a trip from Omaha to Virginia Beach in our station wagon way back when I was little and we even had my grandma along with us (luckily nothing happened to her like Aunt Edna!), but I remember hardly anything about this trip, especially the traveling part. They are barely out of Chicago and Clark is encouraging everyone to sing along with him. After a while his kids put on their headphones when they can't stand it anymore. I know that would drive me crazy! 

The Griswold family have all kinds of adventures on their way to California, including everyone falling asleep in the car - including Clark who is driving!; Clark trying to impress a beautiful blonde woman (played by Christie Brinkley) driving a red convertible he keeps seeing throughout the trip; making a stop in Kansas to see Cousin Eddie and his family (one of his daughters is played by a very young Jane Krakowski!); having to put up with Aunt Edna who is joining them on the ride until they reach Arizona: accidently killing Aunt Edna's dog; and having to deal with Edna's body when she dies. They also lose their money, Clark gets lost in the desert when he crashes the car and it won't work, and Ellen catches him skinny-dipping with the beautiful blonde in an outdoor hotel pool. 

By the time they reach California, Ellen and the kids do not even care about Wally World anymore and beg Clark to turn the car around and drive home, but he refuses, saying how much they've had to put up with just to get to Wally World and how they were going to go there and have some effing fun! When they finally reach the destined theme park early the next morning, the parking lot is empty and Clark exclaims, "First ones here!" as he parks as far away from the entrance as possible. This is so when they leave the park at the end of the day, they can easily get out. They start running to the entrance and the theme song to Chariots of Fire starts playing. Now when I saw this movie, I had never seen Chariots of Fire, much less ever heard of it, so I always associate that music with this movie! I also associate that song with running in slow motion and throwing my hands in the air...

When they reach the entrance, they are greeted by a statue of Marty the Moose, the mascot of Wally World who apologetically tells them through a speaker box that the park is closed for two weeks for repairs. Clark buys a BB gun and kidnaps the security guard (played by John Candy) and makes him  take them on all the rides until the police notify Roy Wally (the Walt Disney of Wally World).

This movie is hilarious, but I would have to say my favorite from the Griswold movies is still Christmas Vacation which I reviewed as my last Christmas movie. 

R + J = UGH

Romeo + Juliet

Director: Baz Luhrmann

Cast: Leonardo DiCaprio, Claire Danes, John Leguizamo, Harold Perrineau, Pete Postlethwaite, Paul Rudd, Jesse Bradford

Released: November 1, 1996

Oscar nominations:

Best Art Direction-Set Direction (lost to The English Patient)

Spoilers for a 500 year old story! 

I first saw this movie in the theaters when I was a teenager. I went with my friend who I had been talking to on the phone (a landline, not a cellphone, mind you - ah, 1996!) and she asked me if I had seen this movie and when I said no, she said, "OMG, we must see this now!" It was her third time seeing it and God knows if she saw it anymore times after that! I really don't remember what my reaction to the film was. I remembered being intrigued by the little twist where Romeo takes the poison because he thinks Juliet is dead, but just after he took it, she wakes up and takes his hand. I have never read the William Shakespeare play, but it doesn't exactly happen like that, right?  But I can't remember if I liked the film or hated it....honestly, I think I was just indifferent to it. This film was made for teenagers in mind so maybe because I was one the first time I saw it, I didn't have as strong of a reaction as when I saw it the second time 17 years later. (And by the way, this film is now as old as Claire Danes was when she filmed it). Maybe my teenaged brain was able to accept it and enjoy it and because this movie does have some odd nostalgia factor for me, I do like it for that, but rewatching this movie, I thought it was pretty terrible and I hated most of it.

Even though this movie takes place in "modern" times, there was really no need to update this movie as aren't every movie about a forbidden romance between two people an updated version of "Romeo and Juliet?" And there's a million movies that follow that format I could name, with Titanic, starring Romeo himself, being one of them.

Postlethwaite = MVP of R+ J

If you recall Moulin Rouge!, the film Baz Luhrman is best known for (cuz it sure ain't Australia), that movie moves in a fast, frenzied, chaotic pace. R+J is the same way but it's almost more obnoxious because it's based on a William Shakespeare play. There are many quick cuts (because, mind you, this movie was made for teenagers and they don't have a long attention span so you need to keep everything moving, moving, moving!) It is updated to a modern take but the actors still speak in Shakespearean dialogue. Everything rhymes and it doesn't sound natural. It almost sounds like a parody. The only person who I could buy speaking in this dialogue and who really brought it was Pete Postlethwaite who plays the priest. He was by far the most interesting character and my favorite one. I enjoyed how his choir sang their own rendition of Prince's "When Doves Cry". Speaking of the music, that was a very big part of this movie. The soundtrack was really popular back in the day (I didn't own it, but I did have a compilation CD with "Kissing You" by Des'ree on it). I have a funny story to share about one of the songs: I listen to this podcast called Redemption Cast which covers each episode of the TV series, Angel, the Buffy the Vampire Slayer spin-off with David Boreanaz. (Their podcast of Buffy is called Potential Cast - it's very good; if you're a fan of Buffy, I highly recommend it.) Anyway, on Redemption Cast they (there are four or five people who discuss it) were trying to come up with a theme song within the first few episodes. On one episode, this guy chooses a song called "Angel" by Gavin Friday which is featured in R+J. The guy is singing with a high-pitched voiced saying, "Aaaaan-geelllll, hooooolld ooonnn toooo meeee." It's really hard to describe without listening to it, so I highly recommend that you Youtube or Spotify the song and just listen to the first 30 seconds and you'll understand why everyone on the podcast and myself were cracking up so much when this song was played as a potential theme song for the podcast. (They went with the theme song to Angel for their theme song and just wrote their own lyrics for it if anyone cares....I kinda wish they had stuck with the awful "Angel" song!)

I should probably mention by now that Leonardo DiCaprio and Claire Danes play our star-crossed lovers. If Leo had lived during Shakespearen times when male actors played both male and female parts, he could have easily played Juliet too as there is a bit of a feminine quality to him in this movie. Even though he is almost five years older than Claire Danes, he looks like he is five years younger than her and Claire looks her seventeen years, so yes, I am saying he does look twelve in this movie! Romeo and Juliet move pretty quickly as they meet, fall in love, and get married the next day. A little ridiculous if you ask me. I did think the scene where they first see each other through the glass of the aquarium was pretty cute when they were smiling at each other. It was cute puppy dog love, but I did not buy them falling in love that quickly. Yeah, yeah, I know they're Romeo and Juliet, but give me a break. I guess you cannot accuse me of being a romantic at heart! I thought it was really creepy when Juliet plans to fake her suicide the day before she is suppose to marry Paris and before she goes to bed, says to her mother, "Farewell - God knows when when we should meet again."  If someone ever said that to me, it would send a bit of a warning bell!

I already mentioned Pete Postlethwaite as being one of the supporting actors in this movie, but there's also the totally random and odd choice of actors who play the parents. As Mr. and Mrs. Capulet (Juliet's parents) is Paul Sorvino and Diane Venora (perhaps she was chosen because her last name is an anagram of "Verona?"). As Mr. and Mrs. Montague (Romeo's parents) is Brian Dennehy and Christina Pickles, best known for playing Monica's and Ross's mother on Friends. Then you have John Leguizamo as Tybalt, the leader of the Capulet gang; Jamie Kennedy as Sampson, the leader of the Montague gang (and for the record, the Capulet gang looked tougher as the Montague gang was compromised of a lot of sunglasses and Hawaiian shirts); Lost's Harold Perrineau as Romeo's flamboyant best friend, Mercutio (the slow-mo of Leo's angry face when he's driving his car after Mercutio dies lends for a comically hilarious scene); Paul Rudd as Paris, the guy Juliet is supposed to marry; and Bring It On's Jesse Bradford as Balthasar who tells Romeo that Juliet has died. (I guess he didn't get the memo that she wasn't really dead!)

The movie starts with its own little trailer as the beginning is a news report of what happened to the young lovers and gives a little synopsis of what happened to them. So really, you only need to watch the first two minutes of this movie and you've seen it all!

Cartoon Network

Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
Director: Robert Zmeckis
Cast: Bob Hoskins, Christopher Lloyd, Joanna Cassidy
Voice Talent: Charles Fleischer, Kathleen Turner
Released: June 22, 1988

Oscar nominations:
Best Sound Effects Editing (won)
Best Visual Effects (won)
Best Editing (won)
Best Art Direction - Set Direction (lost to Dangerous Liaisons)
Best Cinematography (lost to Mississippi Burning)
Best Sound (lost to Bird) <----- What is that???

I remember seeing this movie with my family when I was in elementary school and I was probably bored with the parts that didn't have any cartoon characters (there are a few scenes) and I remember being terrified by Christohper Lloyd's villain, Judge Doom at the end of the movie.

I didn't like this movie as a kid and I still don't like it now nearly 25 years later with my first rewatch. I can appreciate what this movie did with combining real people and scenes with animation as it paved the way for....Space Jam....and other movies, I'm sure. Snide remark aside, it was pretty amazing seeing how they incorporated the two worlds and the mending of real world and animation holds up pretty well after all this time even though there were a few scenes where it looked a little fake.

I really hate the character of Roger Rabbit. He is really, really annoying. I think he has ADD or something. Bob Hoskins should thank his lucky stars that Roger Rabbit is not real and he didn't have to actually act with an insane, hyper animated rabbit, though I'm sure Charles Fleischer was in the room so he probably had to listen to that irritating voice. And let's be honest, I think Jessica Rabbit is the standout star from this movie. She was obviously drawn by a man. Her proportions would give Barbie body image problems! I was really surprised when they were listing the cast at the end of the movie and I didn't see Kathleen Turner's name since she voices one of the most popular characters in the movie and is a bigger name than Charles Fleischer, but when I looked it up on IMDb, she was listed as uncredited on that.

Another thing I can appreciate about this movie now that I couldn't appreciate as a kid was the licensing to get both Disney and Warner Brothers characters in the same movie. There's a scene where Eddie (the character played by Bob Hoskins) goes to Toon Town (a place I would never want to visit...it looked more scary and disturbing than warm and inviting) and he falls off a building and Mickey Mouse and Bugs Bunny are next to him with parachutes. They're both kind of douches, Mickey and Bugs. There's also another scene where both Donald Duck and Daffy Duck are playing dueling pianos at the club where Jessica Rabbit sings and get into a huge fight. It's Donald who is more vicious....funny, I always thought it would be Daffy who would be the meaner one. While at the same club, there are animated penguin waiters and Eddie asks one for scotch on the rocks and says, "And when I say rocks, I mean ice!" When he gets his drink, it's filled with small rocks. Obviously, that was a joke that totally went over my head when I was a kid, but it did get a smile out of me from rewatching it.

Roger is being framed for murdering the owner of Toon Town and Eddie is the detective who's investigating it. Roger thought his wife, Jessica, was having an affair with the murdered man which is why he is the number one suspect. The movie is set in the 1940s so it has a very film noir style to it.

As I mentioned earlier, Christopher Lloyd plays the evil Judge Doom who has come up with his own concoction of how to kill unruly toons....a vat of chemicals he calls The Dip (You think an eraser would do the trick!) This disturbed me greatly watching it as a kid, and it still did on rewatch. Obviously I know cartoons aren't real (and yes, even as a dumb kid, I knew that back then too!), but in the world of this movie, they are real, so when Judge Doom grabs an unsuspecting shoe and drops it into The Dip, it's a bit unnerving. And I felt bad for the other shoe that was a pair to this one! I'm glad it was just some random animated thing they "killed" and not a beloved animated figure like Dumbo, who has a small cameo at the beginning of the movie. (I don't think Dumbo could fit in the vat anyway...but you get what I mean). And it wasn't just shoes that were animated.... pretty much everything in this movie that is animated has a face and can move around. The cartoon gun Eddie picks up right before he enters Toon Town didn't have a face, but the bullets did! They have little faces. That was a little....odd.

Judge Doom has henchmen who are animated wolves, which is weird that animated characters would help some guy kill other animated characters and if Judge Doom hates cartoons so much, why are his only "friends" animated?

We learn that Eddie has a backstory where his brother was killed by a Toon...and it turns out the Toon that killed him was Judge Doom. That's right, Judge Doom is actually a cartoon, but when he is revealed to be a toon, it is still Christopher Lloyd, but with just crazy animated eyes. That's not a cartoon!  He scared me because  had  these really creepy, crazy cartoon eyes that were red and white swirls.

This movie is based on a book called "Who Censored Roger Rabbit". I can't imagine reading a book where humans and animated characters interact....that seems like it would be best done with film...which is probably why the movie is more well known than the book. I didn't know it was based on a book until quite recently.

Insert Coin

Wreck-It Ralph

Director: Rich Moore

Voice Talent: John C. Reilly, Sarah Silverman, Jack McBrayer, Jane Lynch, Alan Tudyk

Released: November 2, 2012

Oscar nominations:

Best Animated Movie (lost to Brave)

This movie and Brave were the only movies nominated for the animated feature Oscar I saw and while I liked both, I would have voted for Wreck-It Ralph to win. Even though I'm not a video game aficionado, I thought this was a cute and enjoyable movie. The only games I remember playing at the arcade are Pac Man, Super Mario Bros., and any race car game where I always managed to crash within a matter of seconds. I used to frequent the arcade at West Ridge Mall (Topeka, KS - holla!), but I cannot remember what it was called.  

Like in the world of Toy Story where the toys come to life after humans have left the room, these are characters in video games that come to life after the arcade closes. Not only do they live inside their arcade machine, but they live within the world of their game. Wreck-It Ralph (voiced by John C. Reilly) is the villain of his '80s game, Fix-It Felix Jr. He's a big guy who goes on a rampage and smashes the windows and bricks of the Niceland Apartments until Fix-It Felix Jr. comes along with his magic hammer and makes everything as good as new again. Felix (voiced by 30 Rock's Jack McBrayer) and the other residents of Niceland live in the penthouse of the apartment while Ralph lives nearby at the dump. The characters can interact within other video game worlds and and they travel through the power cords and get to them through the Central Gaming Station. Once the arcade opens, they must be back in their own game ready to be played. 

Ralph has been going to a support group called Bad Anon where he and other villains of video games get together (at the Pac-Man game since it is hosted by one of the little ghosts that chase Pac-Man around) and discuss their feelings on being the villain of their games. Besides the Pac-Man villain, I only recognized the dragon from Super Mario Bros. and there were a lot of characters in that scene. Ralph reveals his feelings about how under appreciated he feels in his game and that he wasn't even invited to the 30th anniversary celebration of his own game (and Pac Man was!) He gets into an argument with the other characters from his game and one of them tells him when he gets his own medal (because Felix is always rewarded with a medal at the end of the game while Ralph is tossed off the building), he can live in the penthouse with everyone else. Ralph takes this seriously and sets off to find his own medal. This takes him to a modern first-person shooter type of game called Hero's Duty where he meets a Lara Croft-like character named Calhoun (voiced by Jane Lynch) who has my favorite line in the movie: "Armageddon and Doomsday just had a baby....and it is ugly!" The object of this game is to kill a bunch of bugs...and there are a lot of bugs. Through a mix up he ends up in a girly race car game called Sugar Rush. And if that game had really existed when I was younger, I would have so been all over that! There he meets and develops a friendship (an antagonizing one at times!) with Vaneloppe Von Schweetz, a character who has a glitch and is therefore forbidden to be picked by a gamer to play. She is voiced by Sarah Silverman who most people usually don't associate with animated children's films! King Candy (voiced by Alan Tudky) is the ruler of the land of Sugar Rush and is the villain of the film. There is a reason why he is making sure Vaneloppe never participates in the races, but telling would be spoiling! 

Sugar Rush! 

There are a few huh moments like why in a racing game there would be branches that disappear when you step on them and why you would need vines to get out of quicksand. They work for the the use of the characters, but as somebody playing the actual game, they don't make any sense. While Ralph is in Sugar Rush, Calhoun and Felix go in there together to get him out because if Ralph doesn't get back to his game, it will be defected and will be shut down forever. Lots of action in this film, just like you would find in a video game. I loved the ending credits where they pay homage to classic video game graphics.